Jennifer's Journal

[Jennifer]

Doing great on plan! 100 lbs lost is coming up!

When I started in Jan., I just wanted the weight off. Now! But I've been enjoying the journey a lot more than I thought I would. Of course some things have changed from my original plan. First of all, I planned to do Stillmans until I was under 200 lbs then do Atkins for the rest, and I also tried to jump right into couch to 5k. I knew that in the past Stillmans led to bingeing but, yea, I'm stubborn. The most important thing was to get the weight off by any means. I was miserable! And no way could my 351 lb basically couch potato body handle even 10 minutes on the treadmill. Anyway, I decided for the first time in my life, that I'd give myself a break. And now, 7 months later and 94 lbs thinner, I've been doing well with exercise (still room for improvement there I admit) & except for overdoing some l/c munchies once or twice I am binge free!!! Can slow & steady really win the race? I'm thinking yes! Talk about a learning experience!

Another thing I've learned is that I do use food for fuel. I never believed it possible, but when I think about the changes I've made just by listening to what my body needs, that's exactly what I'm doing! Huh? Food used to be my friend (& enemy), now it's what's it's there for. I mean, I'm still going to give in to a piece of cake or candy or my mom's jambalaya now & then, but that's not food's major appeal now.

I've also realized that the woe I naturally gravitate toward is Atkins. Let me be able to eat full fat salad dressing, dairy, mayo, flavorful cuts of meat over pasta, cereal, bread and I'm fine. And not hungry or craving. Very important!

I still want this weight off, but I'm being much more realistic about my goals, strengths & weaknesses, and expectations. Of course I want to fit into that size 6 dress that's been sitting in my closet since 2002, but if that means severing the getting normal but still tenuous relationship I'm building with food, it's just not owrth it.

[jimzgrl]

Jennifer-I have been reading your journal and I want to say Yay!!! to you! You are creating such a healthy attitude towards food. I am still in the process of figuring it out, but your words are eye opening to me. I need to put food in it's place-fuel not best friend! Since starting here on lcf just recently I have learned so much. I'm pretty sure that Atkins/Stillmans is the way for me. Since cutting all those processed carbs my body feels so much better and I don't have the major cravings anymore.
Continued success to you

Kathy

[Jennifer]

Thank you so much Kathy!

You're doing great yourself!

[Jennifer]

Got my butt back on the treadmill this morning & boy did it feel good! I'm amazed at how even though I still think I don't like to walk I do! Go figure

[nolagina]

Jennifer, way to good with the treadmill! Keep it up... you'll find you can't live without it... Well, maybe you can.. but you know what I mean!

We'll party when you hit the 100 lb. mark...

**Looking up recipe for LC jumbalaya**

You're amazing, girl!

[GracieLou]

Jen, a major big congratz to you for hitting the 100 lbs lost!!! That is absolutely fantastic!!!!!!

Your journal has been wonderful to read, what an inspiration you are to so many! I can relate to SO much of your childhood and eating disordered life. It's wonderful to know you're not so alone in it, yanno?

Anyways, just wanted to give you a big high 5 and tell you how very proud I am of all you've accomplished. Not just the weight loss but the relationship you have with food. Something all us bingers can relate to, for sure!

KUTGW lady, you're truly inspiring.

♥danielle

[jimzgrl]

Way to Go Jennifer!!! 100 GONE!!
Ditto everything Danielle said above me!-you are truly inspiring!!

Kathy

[nolagina]

Jennifer,
Hey there! Just wanted to say a quick "hi." How's it going?

Have you hit that milestone yet???????

And of course, the Saints bit the dust again... I still have hope.

You keep up the good work and hit the 100 lb. mark...

[Jennifer]

Thanks everyone!

[nolagina]

WHOO HOO!
:h igh5:

Go Jennifer, Go!

To quote from Sexyback, "Go on girl!"

You should be incredibly proud of yourself. You have achieved an amazing milestone! I am so happy for you!



I hope you've given yourself a super-fantastic non-food reward. You deserve it!

[Leashy]

Drive-by

[nolagina]

Hey Jen,
Just checking in and saying "hello.."

[Jennifer]

Haven't posted in quite a while.

Still doing well, down 110 lbs, but unfortunately need to get back on anti-depressants after being off since Easter. There is zero joy in my life right now & that's no way to live. And faking it has gotten way too hard. My psychiatrist retred in Sept., and I have the name of a new doc who I'll call Monday & hopefully be able to get an appointment this week. It's no good feeling bad all. the. time. I' trying to get over the feeling that I'm a failure because I can't go without meds, even though logically I know that depression is a disease, not a character flaw.

A bright spot is that I haven't let feeling crappy derail my woe. Exercise is another story - no motivation whatsoever, even though I know it will make me feel so much better. I'll get back to that this week.

I'm losing about 7-8 lbs a month. Seems slow with all I still have to lose (115 lbs), but I'm not willing to give up the normal relationship I'm building with food for faster loss. Still I see people on these boards who are experimenting with other plans & dropping weight like crazy, and I can't help but wonder if I should be doing the same. I just have to remember that my goal is to keep this weight off, and vlcd's or any woe where the main source of nutrition isn't fat will lead to thoughts of food 24/7 -> feelings of deprivation -> resentment -> bingeing. I really can't go there.

[Jennifer]

I'm 2 for 2 w/exercise! I did couch to 5k yesterday & a Richard Simmons toning DVD today. I feel so much better.

[TXLoser]

Hi Jennifer..

Popping in to say KUDOS to the exercise!!!

[Jennifer]

My cat died Thursday DH & I have no children so she was our baby. At least I didn't use food to numb the pain as I normally would have. As a matter of fact I had very little appetite and lost 4 lbs in 2 days. I'm up a pound now that my appetite is back to normal, but I hope at least a couple will stay off.

The grief diet sucks.

[mikeysmommy33]

Hi Jen,
I have not been to the site in a VERY long time! I decided to pop on and see if there are any familiar faces on here. I of course went in search of you
I am SOOOOOOOO proud of you!!! You are the incredible shrinking woman!!!
I need to SERIOUSLY get my butt in gear.
I just had another baby (he was born August 14th) - another boy so Mikey is a big brother now!
Just wanted to say hello and give you hugs because I know that your kitty was a major part of your life! (((((((((((((((((((((((((JEN)))))))))))))))))))))) )))))
Moni

[nolagina]

Jen,
I'm sorry about your cat. I hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself.

It is terrible to use a furry baby. We've been through that pain. My thoughts are with you.

Hope to see you back in your journal soon!

[Jennifer]

Haven't posted here in quite a while. I lost 14.5 lbs in November which is double a normal month at this point, but it's not staying off. I'm up 4.5 lbs despite staying on plan. I know the big loss was a fluke due to my being sick, but it would have been nice for it to stay off. I'm still down 10 so that's good.

[Jennifer]

Thanks Moni & Gina

[luvslipstick]

Hi Jen,I see your journaling alsofound Miss Gina's a little while back.
sorry about your furbabie
I just started a journal today,something's gotta make me accountable,good to see you and your doing FABULOUS

[nolagina]

Hey Jen! How ya doing? When are you going back to NO? I just finished a marathon trip there.

I hate traveling around Christmas so I'll be in TX.

Go Saints!

[Jennifer]

Gina & Roo!

[TXLoser]

Merry Christmas Jennifer.....hope you have a nice holiday

[nolagina]

Jennifer,
Enjoy your Christmas with your family...
Wishes for many pounds lost in 2008!

[Jennifer]

My Christmas was nice - hope everyone's was. I'm happy to be back home though. I decided to eat whatever I wanted & was up 2.5 lbs yesterday & another .5 lbs today, but it's better than being a craving monster.

My mom is deteriorating (sp) which is hard to see, but she had a nice holiday.

Happy New Year everyone!

[Jennifer]

Here are some pics - http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/lo...akes-pics.html. Poor quality, but you get the idea.

So now that my birthday's over, it's time for my New Years resolutions. I always wait till after my birthday since it's so early in the year & so that I could celebrate (read: EAT!) on my birthday without breaking my brand new NY's diet. Cause lose weight! was always the list topper. It's nice to have that one under control.

• Get back to work - It's been nice to be able to concentrate on weight loss since getting laid off, but I'm getting bored and extra $$ never hurts. My industry is in the toilet right now, so I have to get over my fear & try something new.

• Get the house organized - We've been here almost a year, so I can't use the just moved in excuse any longer. Plus, we'll probably be moving again & I don't want another unorganized moved, not to mention I don't want to keep moving things that should have been thrown away/donated to charity.

• Exercise consistently - No excuses, just freaking do it!

• Finally accept that I'm not perfect - Honestly, that is a lot of the cause of having to have these other resolutions. Fear that I won't be able to live up to my own IMPOSSIBLE expectations makes me afraid to do anything. I would never in a million years expect out of others what I expect of myself.

• No unnecessary purchases - Food, gifts, clothes only when I have nothing that fits. That's it. Even books, which I normally consider a necessity. I have at least a year's worth of unread books.

• Be Nice - Sounds so simple doesn't it? I suffer from depression which is a very selfish condition & sometimes I'm so wrapped up in my own **** that I forget to take others' feelings into consideration. It's never deliberate, I'm just not always aware or make the effort to be aware. Admittedly I do use it as an excuse for my bad behaviour on occasion & that has got to stop.

[Jennifer]

I've been losing the battle these past few days but I will win the war! I'm determined to get back to it tomorrow, but whether I do or don't, I'm going to keep myself accountable by posting here each day. I can blame these antibiotics for increasing my appetite all I want, but it was me who put the cookies, chips, rice, brownies into my mouth.

I haven't failed until I've stopped trying & I'm nowhere near to stopping trying.