Jen's Journal

[adiasmc1]

Ok, I have not actually started yet, because I have to wait until I get paid to go grocery shopping. But I am going to start working out tomorrow (Monday) and trying to start as much low carb as I can with what I have.

I am mostly keeping this journal to have somewhere to write about my feelings and my weightloss and to keep myself accountable. I have had a pretty bad year and am ready to take control back and get myself back to normal. I have been overweight and uncomfortable for about 8 months now and I am tired of it, I want to be comfortable and feel good again. So that is it for me, just wanted to start this out and see how it works. I will try and post everyday, but sometimes with my schedule it will be hard, but I will try to at least get in a few sentences each day.

Off we go...

[adiasmc1]

Ok, obviously I did not start back in Feb. A lot has happened since then and I look back and know I wasn't yet in a place to switch my focus on to weight loss and exercise. I was still dealing with too much. Ok so update for myself...am now in San Diego, new apartment, new job with the Feds, feeling better in general. Still struggle with a little depression, but getting better and a lot of it now is rooted in the weight gain and uncomfortableness I have with myself. I don't feel like me because I am so fat. I don't like to socialize because I feel yucky. I am tired of feeling old and sick and fat at 34. It is ridiculous.

G was arrested again, has warrants out...am in awe of that....what happened there? I did the right thing, I know that now, but man did it almost kill me. Anyway, I want to be able to keep a daily menu and workout post and also to have someplace to talk about what is going on emotionally, that might help.

So, last night - treadmill for 60 minutes - jogging/walking (3.8 - 4.5)
Today: B: Coffee, 2 packets of splenda, quichey thing w/ eggs, bacon, sausage, cheese. L: Salami and cheese. D: Carne asada w/cheese, avocado and some brocoli w/butter. Will also work out again same as last night.

[Debralynn]

Welcome back! You'll find lots of support here!

You're menu and excercise look great, you will hit goal and start feeing better before you know it!

Oh, and you have no idea how badly I wish I was in San Diego right now. I'm very jealous!

[adiasmc1]

Thanks, Deb. I know this board is great, isn't it? I read the threads here all the time, have on and off for years, even when I wasn't LCing. It is so cool to see everyone so positive and friendly all the time!

Yeah, I am looking forward to getting back to the old me - never really had a weight problem until this last year and 1/2 - fiance of 5 years went off the deep end, started drinking heavily, totalled our BMW, was arrested for DUI, domestic violence, 5150'd, in and out of detox, was arrested for another DUI and now has several warrants out for his arrest. We are (or were in his case) law enforcement officers, so it made it all the worse. He lost his job, his kids (who I had raised for 5 years) and obviously, me. Leaving him and giving the kids to his ex-wife, knowing I would not see them ever again almost killed me. But staying would have for sure (and probably have eventually cost me my job).

I used food to comfort myself through the whole thing. It wasn't a real good choice and I knew I was doing it, but I tried not to be hard on myself and just told myself to get through it however I had to and then when I was ready I could deal with the consequences.

So now I am ready to lose what I have gained and get my old self back. This all happened a year ago and things are good now. I am looking to go slow and easy - I will be happy with a 40 pound loss, estatic with 50. But my goal is 40-50 in about 5-6 months, so that I think is doable.

Thanks for the support! Yeah for all of us!

And SD is awesome, I know. I am really lucky (in a lot of ways)!

[adiasmc1]

DAY 2

Ok, last night pretty much went as planned with a few changes.

D: Tri-tip with some melted cheese on it. (I had been planning on eating the broccoli later, but just never was hungry enough). So not so great in the veggie department and probably too much cheese, but I am not gonna be too strict for the first week, I would rather lose slower and stick to it then give up when the cravings hit.

Workout: 53 minutes on treadmill jogging/walking (3.8-4.7). Probably about 1/2 and 1/2, maybe a tiny more jogging. I decided to do a different time on the treadmill everyday, as long as it is over 48 minutes, that way my body can't get too used to the same routine. Also, I don't run and walk the same amounts either to kind of keep it off balance.

I was really tired this morning, but I didn't go to bed until after mid-night, did not even work out until 10 pm cause I was screwing around and being lazy.

So far so good. I had some craving yesterday after I got home from work, but was able to get past them. So day one done.

Today:

B: quichey thing again & 1/2 an avocado, coffee with 2 splendas, 4 coromega packets (Omega 3).

Not sure what I am going to have for lunch. Brought a cucumber and might get a salad from downstairs - try to make up for those lost veggies yesterday

Oh, and I have decided not to weigh myself until I feel I must. I don't want to get discouraged in the beginning, so maybe this weekend if I HAVE to, but probably not until next week or the week after.

[adiasmc1]

ok, I need to decide when I am gonna post since we can only edit for an hour or else this is going to be long and out of order everyday.

I just wanted to point out that I am going to keep track of stuff at Calorieking so I put in the food for yesterday - I didn't have the nutrition info for everything and the quichey thing I made, so I kind of had to guestimate my portions. I think the cals are a little higher than what I really ate, but Im not going to worry too much about cals right now anyway. I want to get a few weeks in and then I might start looking at cals and portions and stuff if I am losing too slow. I am really tiny so that will probably matter after the initial loss.

So I think I will post at the end of each day or the next morning so that I can get everything into one post and not be an unorganized crazy person on my blog

Totals for DAY 1:

Cals: 2894 (-376 burned for exercise) = 2518
Fat: 234g (73%)
protein: 181g (25%)
Carbs: 10g (1%)
Fiber: .2g (bad, bad, bad)

Exercise: 60 minutes treadmill jogging/walking (3.8-4.5) = 376 cals burned

[Debralynn]

You are on your way, girlie! Way to go!

Things are looking good all over!

[adiasmc1]

Ok, wow, I went home and got the nutritional information for the salami and cheese instead of just guessing and worked out the portion sizes and it way less than what I had put down...

Revised total DAY 1:

Cals: 1786 (-376 burned for exercise) = 1409
Fat: 142g (73%)
protein: 113g (26%)
Carbs: 4.4g (1%)
Fiber: .2g (bad, bad, bad)

That seems a little better.

[adiasmc1]

Ok, this should be more organized from now on. I will post every night for the days totals. If I need to vent during the day, I will just do that, but I want the menu and exercise and stuff to be on one page for each day. I am just going to post the basics and all the detailed stuff is on calorieking if I need to look back in detail.

CalorieKing Community - Public Diaries

So here we go:

B: Quichey thing, coffee, 2 pacs splenda, 1/2 avocado
L: 2 hamburger paties, 1 slice cheese (wendy's), side salad (wendy's)
D: 2 cups broccoli, 2.5 tbsp butter, salami, cheese, .5 pac to go CL
S: coffee, 3 pacs splenda

Cals 2208 (-244 for exercise/30 mins jogging 4.5) = 1959 cals total
Fat 178g
Pro 114g
Carb 32g
Fiber 13g

Fat 73%
Prot 21%
Carb 6%

I had some bad cravings tonight - I can't imagine being a drug addict, that would suck. I was able to get past them and thank god I had to teach tonight, cause that coffee kinda helped ease the cravings too. But I made it another day and exercised too, so I am happy. One day at a time. I am kind of bummed I let myself get this fat, but, it is what it is and I can't change that. I guess food was better than drugs or alcohol or sex or something. I would rather have to work off the fat then deal with the recovery from one of those.

I was thinking that if I meet my goal of 40-50 pounds by Jan 4th, I will buy myself that brand new BMW I want for my birthday

That would be really cool and a good motivator. So we shall see.

[Debralynn]

Hooray for you! Everything looks great.

Love your avatar, you look fantastic! Pretty soon, you'll be cruising down the PCH, with your long blonde hair blowing in the breeze. There's a nice vision to have any time you want to reach for the sugar!

Hmm, maybe I can talk DH into getting me a new car when I reach goal. I'll bet I could spend twice as much time on the treadmill! Probably not going to happen. LOL

[mstamika]

Hi Jen,
Thank you for visiting my journal and inviting me to yours. I would love to stay in touch and encourage each other along the way.

After reading your journal it looks like we have a similar style. Including the food being somewhat wrapped with our emotions. and this being a way to come out of that mode and move into a different phase of our lives.

Food was my blankee, my comfort, and it made me look on the outside the way I felt on the inside, blah but now that things are changing on the inside the outside has to be whipped back into shape... right?!?!

I appreciate you sharing your situation because it helps to know where people are coming from. I want to applaud you, more like hug you, for making a really tough but healthy choice.

If you have never read "The Alchemist" you should check it out. Since time is tough for you, I would suggest book on tape from Half.com or Amazon.com; that's how I was able to enjoy it best. It is a cool book about the journey.

I am going to work on getting more structured with my menu stuff. Can't have you sharing your menu alone Like yourself I started easy with the situation. I guess you can call it easing into ketosis but I'm planning to get on the ball here because 139 is waiting for me and 120 is waiting for you

[mstamika]

Debralynn you are a wonderful support. I see you all over the place encouraging people. Thank you for what you do

~T

[adiasmc1]

MS. thanks for all your kind words - and isn't Deb great, so supportive. You know I read constantly and have read the alchemist - I have 6 bookcases jammed full of books in my apartment...whenever I move I have to look at the place to see if there is enough room for them

Ok, yesterday was good until evening and then I was like a crazy maniac. I wanted to quit the cravings were so bad and I was starving. I ate way more carbs then I wanted like 50 (10 of those were some dark chocolate) but they were all legal other than that. So I guess that is better then going crazy and binging - so I am proud I at least didn't give up. One day at a time and it will get easier - right now, like I said, I am just focused on staying low carb until the cravings go away and this becomes a habit, then I will get more strict if I need too.

Well, I couldn't stay off the scale any longer....I am at 163.2 which isn't bad since I started out at 170. Ok, just keep plugging along, one day at a time, stay low carb one day at a time.

Oh and to top it off, I didn't work out, my knees hurt so I took the night off, back to the treadmill today. Also, I want to try and get a food scale so I can kind of look at serving sizes to make sure what is in my head is correct. I have never used one so it might be interesting just to see for the meat and stuff.

Days totals:

B: quichey thing, coffee w 2 splenda
L: wendys triple w/cheese (meat/cheese only), side salad
D: steak, cauliflower (mashed w/ cheese, butter, touch of cream)
S: 15 kalamata olives, 1 hot dog, cheese, salami, 1oz dark choc.

Cals - 2720
Fat - 210g
Pro - 152g
Carb - 47
Fber - 13

70% fat
23% protein
7% carbs

Ok, overall, not too too horrible, more carbs then I would have liked, but still stayed pretty low compared to a SAD day. So it was all right I think. I am proud of myself. One more day down.

[adiasmc1]

Ok, things went pretty well today, had a couple of periods of craving, but found things to get me through it. I found that if I eat a few kalamata olives and some tiny peices of feta, that makes the craving go away. The salty and tarty olives mixed with the creaminess of the cheese cuts the craving. Plus I only need 10 or 12 olives and a few crumbles of feta, so not too bad. I had to do that 2x today.

I worked out 2x today. Split it up into two 30 minute sessions. I think I might do that more often, then I get less bored. I am also going to start lifting weights soon - just some dumbells and starts doing some upper body and maybe some squats, get things firmed up.

I am more concerned with how my body looks and fitting into my old clothes then weight per se...and I just want to look good naked and fit into that closet full of clothes that I have since I am DAMN sure not going out and buying a fat wardrobe. So, I am thinking anywhere between 130 and 120 should be good - we shall see when we get there.

I am feeling pretty good and positive, taking my fish oil (coromega 4 packets a day) and that seems to be curbing the depression a little which is good.

I am really motivated to do this as well, because I miss men, I haven't been in a relationship or dated since last year when I left G and I am starting to get to the point where I want to go out again. I also wouldn't mind having a guy around every once in awhile.

But right now, I am just too uncomfortable with myself physically to go out and be on the dating scene (oh god the horror of that thought ), so that is keeping me on track....having to compete with all those 22 year olds. I think there was a sex in the city episode like that, where the girls realized they were finally in their mid/late 30's and all the girls were in their 20's - funny that is me now!

Anyway, I miss being attractive. Not that I think I am ugly, but you know how it affects your attitude and the way you carry yourself and relate to others when you feel bad about how you look. So that is all, I just feel not like me and I miss me.

So here are the totals for today:

B: 3 eggs scrambled w/cheese, butter, cream; 4 slices of bacon; 2oz of steak; coffee w 2 splenda
L/D: 20 kalamata olives, 1 oz feta cheese, crystal light to go pac
S: Salami, cheese, 1 oz dark chocolate

Cals - 1463 (-400 exercise) 1063
Fat - 118g
Pro - 118g
Carb - 23g
Fiber - 3g

74% fat
20% protein
6% carbs

67 minutes on treadmill, jogging/walking (3.5 - 4.6)

Ok, not bad, not bad, although not great on the vegetables today. I need to go buy some ranch or blue cheese so I can just cut up a cucumber or something when I need a snack, that will help out. Plus I am out of salad, so I will do that tomorrow.

Any hoo......Another day down. Keep on keepin on!

[adiasmc1]

Ok, today was a weird day. I ate pretty well, no real problems there. The cravings are definitely getting less. But man was I wiped today. Woke up at 9am then did some stuff around the house and laundry and whatever, watched a little tv and had to take a nap. I slept for an hour but probably could have slept for 3 or 4. But I wanted to be able to sleep tonight so I forced myself to get up.

Then I worked out, jogged at 4.0 for 30 mins. Then I walked the 1/2 a block to the beach and sat there and watched the sun set. Man it made me feel lucky. Lucky to live a 1/2 block to the beach and lucky to live in such a beautiful place.

I was kind of depressed today, I am not sure why, but it was a hard day that way. Just really low and kind of sad. I feel better now, so it was a weird day. I am happy with myself that I stayed on plan even though I was feeling so depressed and tired today. Those are the times it is hard for me not to reach for the comfort of food like I used too.

Ok, I put my scale away up in my closet so I wouldn't be tempted to weigh every day. I want to weigh every saturday otherwise I think I will get depressed with the up and down that the scale does on a daily basis. Plus I will get frustrated as to why I am not losing 8 pounds a day.

Ok, so totals for today are:

B: nothing, not hungry
L: 2 cups of cucumbers, 2 tbsp of bc dressing; 1 container of Parm cheese made into little chips
D: 2 oz of steak, 2 tbsp of bc dressing, 2 hot dogs
S: 20 olives, 1 oz of feta, 1 oz of dark chocolate

Cals - 1392 (-211 exercise) = 1181
Fat - 108g
Prot - 77g
Carb - 33g
Fiber - 7g

69% fat
22% protein
9% carbs

31 minutes jogging on treadmill @ 4.0.

Ok, another day down. Keep up the good work! And remember, one day at a time!

[mstamika]

Here's a hug for the weird say you had the other day cuz I know I had one. It looks like you're working it out on that treadmill. Woohoo! Keep up the good work.

[mstamika]

Originally Posted by mstamika

Here's a hug for the weird say you had the other day cuz I know I had one. It looks like you're working it out on that treadmill. Woohoo! Keep up the good work.

I meant weird day...

[adiasmc1]

Hee Hee...I know....I type fast too. I always have to look and double check and even then I write crazy things sometimes...plus, you are tired, I know.

Thanks for keeping in touch. I just wrote a long a** entry in your journal, sorry for yapping so much, just want to help anyway I can...you can ignore me too if that is helpful.

[Debralynn]

Hi Jen! Wanted to pop in, have to pick up DS from school now, so I'll come back when I can write! Have a great day!

[Debralynn]

So sorry you have been blue. You really should try and get out, not with the sole purpose of meeting men, but just to get out and make new friends. It is so damn hard after a breakup, and too easy to get into the rut where you stay home all the time. (Trust me - I've been there and back.) You will forge friendships with people outside of your circle, and that could lead to all kinds of connections down the road when you are ready to date again. I know So Cal is much like AZ, in that there is no shortage of "perfect" size 4 women, with perfect tans and huge b@@bs! It can be hard on the self esteem to say the least.

Be happy! You just lost a bunch of weight, in a really short time, and even had a little chocolate! (Not to mention that beach sunset!) Pretty soon you are going to be telling them all to leave you alone - when they follow you around in your new car, skinny girl!

Oh, and Hi MsTamika! Thank you for the kind words!

[mstamika]

Originally Posted by adiasmc1

Hee Hee...I know....I type fast too. I always have to look and double check and even then I write crazy things sometimes...plus, you are tired, I know.

Thanks for keeping in touch. I just wrote a long a** entry in your journal, sorry for yapping so much, just want to help anyway I can...you can ignore me too if that is helpful.

I absolutely love long entries, so write on Can't you tell by how long my entries are

Thanks for the hug. I really need one now...

[adiasmc1]

HA HA Deb, yeah, Southern Cal isn't exaclty good for the self esteem.

Actually, I am out a lot with friends and I work full time and teach part time, so I am busy. And it is more of a comfort thing for me, I don't need to be a skinny minny, most men like a little curve anyway. I just want to feel good about myself again. That will be soon, I know it! Thanks for the kind words and I am glad your weekend and party went well. I am losing well so far, so that is good. I think the working out helps alot too.

MS - glad you weren't offended by my wordiness in your journal. Gee I yapped a lot.

Ok, it's been a long day. 14 hours, both jobs, I am tired. I was going to work out, but I think my body will be happier with the extra hour of sleep rather then the treadmill (hee hee, as I convince myself). But there have been all those studies on how lack of sleep causes weight gain, so see....

Totals for the day:

B: bacon (5 pcs); coffee, 2 pacs splenda
L: Wendy's triple stack (meat/cheese only); side salad
D: 2 hot dog; 5 olives
S: coffee w/ cream (blah, I don't know why I hate it w/cream); summer saus; 10 olives; 1 oz feta.

Cals: 1497
Fat: 122g
Prot: 44g
Carb: 25g
Fiber: 3g

80% fat
13% protein
7% carb

Ok, well today is my hard day because I am gone all day and kind of have to eat wierd, so it was a bad day for veggies. I will try and make up for it tomorrow and eat some extra. But I am happy I stayed on plan. Boo I didn't exercise, but I am too tired. Maybe I will do an hour tomorrow night instead.

Thanks again Deb and MS for all your support. I look forward to seeing your posts every day!

[mstamika]

Way to go on your -7 lbs Jen

120 is waving at you

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