Thanks In Advance

[Tiabray]

Thanks In Advance.. is going to be my new motto.. the phrase I live by.

TIA just happens to be the acronym for Thanks in advance.. and my real first name.

But more importantly it is how I am going to live my life.

I am going to be thankful today... for tomorrow.

Thankful this week.. for next.

Thankful for the postive changes that are in my future.

I am thankful today for whatever God has planned for me.

I've made a decison against WLS... I can do this on my own.. I've done it.. just never kept with.

This is not going to be fixed tomorrow.. or next month.. or even next year...
this is going to be a long process.. and I am ready.

There are somethings I need to admit..

*I am a food addict...

*When I am not on plan.. I sneak and eat..

*I am not trully aware of my size..unless I see visual evidence (ie a picture of me next to a normal sized person)

*The problems in my marriage are related to my weight. I am no longer active, no longer confident.. no longer sexual... and I currently put no effort into girling myself up. We have a great friendship..but I have allowed my fat to suck the passion out of marriage. This is sad for two main reason... 1. I have been married for less than a year and half. 2. I am married to a wonderful man.

*Although I treat my house like a nudist colony... I am embrassed by my body...when it comes to my husband.. I love being cuddled and spooned... but I hate the idea of him touching my disgusting back fat.. I hate that my stomach apron covers up my essential goodies.. I hate what I have done with my body. I know he loves me.. but I just don't see how he could be sexually attracted to a body this is so far away from ideal.

* I am starting to be really concerned about my self-image... even at 300 some odd lbs.. I believed I was beautiful... but I don't see that anymore... I can look at my face and see the old "me" in there...but buried in several layers of fat.

* I am afraid for my health.. I think daily.. that I might have a stroke, or heart attack... or blood clot.. I am worried that my weight has finally caught up with me.

I guess I have babbled on enough for tonight..