Loli's Journey to Health and Happiness

[Lolita1]

Well, I've been thinking about starting a journal for days.. I just couldn't figure out what to say. You know, to get it started, but I'd like to have something to look back on when I need to. So I figure that today, right now, is the time to start. Nothing planned, nothing rehearsed, just me in words.

I first began my LC journey about five years ago. When my son was born in 1998 he had a stomach defect and a heart defect. At 3 weeks they found the stomach defect, and when I went to Childrens Hospital for this 'quick fix' the Doctor sat me down and said 'I need you to get over the stomach issue, there's something worse we need to talk about...' I was crushed! My 3 week old baby was going to have to have stomach surgery, and now they are telling me that he has a hole in his heart that will require open heart surgery. I was devastated. So we started on the journey to save my little boy. They tried to wait until he was 4 months old to repair the heart (because of the dangers of open heart surgery on a 'newborn'. But within a week he had gone into congetsive heart failure 3 times and we realized he wouldn't make it until 4 months if we didn't do the surgery NOW. So for 12 weeks I lived in a chair next to his bed. I ate in the caferteria. Out of depression and fear, I ate and ate and ate over the next 3 years. This continued until one day I'd had enough... he was 3 years old and doing great. It was time I started taking care of myself. I began my Atkins Journey that day! It was November 2001.

I worked really hard, both at my new WOL and as a single mother. Everyday my confidence rose and my weight dropped. As a matter of fact, I lost from 255 pounds to 172.. Looked great and felt great! It was at this time that my old high school sweetheart (from 15 years before that) looked me up and asked me to coffee. We haven't been apart a day since. We got married and in January of 2003 I found out I was pregnant. Oh no, I was scared to death! I was so worried that this baby would be born with the same problems as my dear son. I explained things to my doctor and we did every test imaginable to make sure this one would be different. He suggested that I do not low carb, and have a good weight gain, because we wanted to make sure this baby would be ok. THAT really scared me (BTW I know now that as long as I wasn't in ketosis that it'd be ok)! So what did I do? I ate. In September 2003 I had a beautiful and healthy baby girl.

I honestly cannot tell you why I didn't start back up with low carb since then. I mean my daughter is 3 now, and I'd not lost any of the weight I regained during pregnancy. Although I didn't gain back ALL of my weight, I still gained back up to 242.. I now have healthy children, but how long would they have me if I stay this Obese?

So on January 19th I came back home to low-carb. The way of life I feel best following. Today marks my first 2 weeks on plan (induction) and this morning I was down 8 pounds. 14 Cheat free days and counting. Not bad considering TOM just left and it can take up to 3 days for your body to release all the fluid. I had every intention of taking my measurements, but as luck would have it I can't find my tape measure. I was going to wait to start my journal until I found it, but then realized that I was just looking for an excuse not to start. So I'll have to come back with measurements.

I'm challenging myself to 50 days cheat free, and I'll make it. I'm challenging myself to walk at night when I'm off of work, and I'll make it. I'm challenging myself to take care of myself from here on out, and you know what? I'LL DO IT, for me and no one else.

[twinkerbell]

Lolita,
Congrats! Your story about your son really touched me...
You are doing great and you'll have much deserved success!

[Lolita1]

Thanks Twinkerbell!

Ok, so I have good news and I have bad new.
.
. The good news is that I found my tape measure, the bad news is that I found my tape measure... time to face the music.

Waist - 38 1/2"
Abdomen - 51"
Hips - 50 1/2"
Upper Thigh - 30 1/2 "
Lower Thigh - 24 1/2 "
Calf - 17 1/4"
Chest - 38" (around rib cage only)
Biceps - 14"

Now when the scale stops moving (as I know it will) I can check on my measurements and know that the scale will start moving again, as right I'll losing inches!

[lovebaker]

You have the right attitude and that is the first step. You are a strong woman for what you went through. If you can go through that and have a healthy son and daughter you can lose your weight.

[Lolita1]

Thanks Love!

So, last night we went out to eat. I chose a buffet place in town that I used to go to before when I low carbed. Although they usually have more for me to eat, I did really well! Most times I go, I see ALL the stuff I choose not to eat, and it's really difficult for me, I want to just 'try' them. We all know that just to 'try' them, is the kiss of death for me. However last night was different. It was like I didn't even see that stuff, found what I could eat, and put that on my plate. Last night I had some salad, a piece of baked chicken, a piece of salmon and a piece of pollock. All items were baked and didn't have sauce on them. It wasn't even hard for me to watch the kids and DH eating Mac n' cheese, pizza, chinese food (my fav), or dessert! I'm very proud of my resolve this time!

Today we are driving up the coast to see the sea lions. They are about 1-2 hours drive. I think it will be a good family outing and they really are an amazing sight! Then after we come back I'm going to clean out my van to get ready to sell (yay) and clean house. Lastly for the day, I'm going to the grocery store to pick up things for my LC fest for tomorrow. The neighbors across the street have invited us over, but there always ends up being lots of food and drinking and I just don't think I'm into this year... for once I really want to see the half time show and commercials.

Oh! and I forgot, we're stopping by to buy me some new tennis shoes. Our new dog chewed them up and I've had to be wearing them like that. But I made a promise to myself to start walking on the nights I don't work. I tried with those shoes, and just can't do it, they hurt my feet now that there is nothing inside of them and no laces on one...

[Lolita1]

Good Monday morning, me!

I'm doing really well and staying on plan! Saturday, we did go see the seals, however, evil MIL called me, knowing we were at least a 2 hour drive away, and told me I needed to come back because someone called in sick! it makes me so angry because she uses the fact that she's my MIL to bully me into covering shift for her when she needs them covered, no matter what we have planned.

Yesterday, I had a huge LC feast prepared! I made hotwings, deviled eggs, LC meatballs, cheese 'sticks' BBQ veggies and meat. I literally ate 2 cheese sticks, one hotwing, 2 meatballs (little) and 2 deviled eggs and was full! That's ketosis for you!

I'm now 18 days cheat free, and am down 10 pounds today! DH is insisting on going out after work to buy me a new pair of walking shoes!! I've needed them so badly, as mine literally hurt my feet and make me limp for hours after walking a long distance. He's so sweet, because he know I want to walk on my days off of work(s), and doesn't like seeing my hurting afterward!

Goals for the week:
Walk on my days off from work(s) - I walk ALOT when I do work (sometimes run) and maybe with my new shoes, I won't hurt and can walk on the days I do work but small steps!

Drink my water - I'm a firm believer (as is the rule with Atkins 72) that you don't need to kill yourself forcing water down. But, I do believe that most of your liquid intake needs to be from pure water!

Stay on plan and not a single cheat! - this one speaks for itself.

[twinkerbell]

Saturday, we did go see the seals, however, evil MIL called me,

Hey Loli! I have an evil MIL also!

You are doing an excellent job!!

[Lolita1]

Thanks Twink, maybe our MIL's are sisters and just don't know it

[Lolita1]

Good Morning!

I'm still cheat free, and am now down 11 pounds! I bought myself that new pair of shoes as a reward. My other ones were so old they hurt my feet when I walked, and I'd limp for a while after being in them... so exercise will at least not be painful

DH's Grandmother went into the hospital yesterday as did my Aunt. My Aunt has been very sick, and we thought we were going to lose her before Christmas but she pulled through (we were making arrangements and giving last rites). We know it's not going to be too awfully long, but it's still hard. I didn't have time to cook dinner last night, so we went out. I was very good and only ate legal foods. It was an 'All you can eat' place, but all I could eat was some salad and some baked fish... DH on the other had made up for it, and was miserable when we got home. I tried to tell him to stop but I guess he's got to learn on his own.

Tonight, I'm supposed to go to work and I'm hoping I dont' get called off. I know business has been slow but seems that I've been the one called off the most. That's the 'family' for you. If I do get called off, however, I'll be going for my walk, as promised. So either way its a win-win ($$ or exercise)

[Lolita1]

Well...

I'm utterly depressed.. thought I'd come here instead of eating... hoping this isn't against the rules.

This is all in one day...

For starters, my DH's Grandmother, was put in the hospital, very serious bladder infection, they were worried about blood toxicity. I just love her to death, and she loves me too... as a matter of fact she's the only one on his side of the family that likes me (besides my FIL), everyone else hates me thanks to my evil MIL...

Then, my aunt, who I have not posted here about before, has been very sick. She's severely diabetic, among other problems and the diabetes has killed her liver. Who knew that a person who's never drank could get cirrhosis? It's a rare form and caused by the diabetes. She's not doing well, and we almost lost her (which I do think I posted) before Christmas. They are calling in Hospice and possibly going to send her to SF to see if she's a candidate for a liver transplant. Hopefully before she dies.

Now, my son, who I love more than life, is having anger issues. His real dad was very abusive to me when he was small. At 3 years old, his father was coming at me, and my sweet little DS stepped in front of me and yelled.. Don't you hurt my mom!! We never looked back from that day.. we got the heck out of there! Now, the kids tease him at school, because mainly he's so soft hearted and also because he's the smartest kid in the class. Those kids are relentless, and when they start (and won't stop) something in him snaps and he beats them up. Now they are all bigger than he is, but to him that doesn't matter... he just explodes. And it's ugly. Well today, a kid that has been picking on him wouldn't let up. DS already was suspended a week and a half ago for hitting this kid (as the kid was teasing him). Well today the kid started in again, and as much as DS tried to let it go, something snapped and he grabbed the kid and kicked him! I'm devastated! How can my smart, sweet, cries-at-sad-movies, little boy be like this?? I can't think of anything that I've done wrong, except picked the wrong dad for this little boy. I know that doesn't make sense, without the dad I wouldn't have DS, but I'm so heart broken over this. He's in the GATE program for gifted kid, but if this continues, he will be expelled and sent to a remedial school!

Unfortunately, we've fallen through the cracks (read chasm). We make too much for assisted or low cost insurance plans, and cannot afford private insurance. How do I get him the help he so desperately needs. He's a fine, well adjusted boy, until a point. If you've never seen him get to that point you wouldn't believe it. He is well mannered, intelligent, caring and confident. I just don't get it.

Note to admins: I know that this journal is supposed to be weight loss related, and I apologize, but if I didn't get this out somewhere I was going to go off the deepend. Thank you for understanding.

[twinkerbell]

Hey Loli!
This is your journal and you can write about what's on your mind!
Your son sounds precious... I'd say maybe ask a guidance counselor at school about counseling for your son. I understand about the insurance ordeals...maybe there is a community clinic around. Surely the school can direct you to some resources. Hopefully this helps...

[Lolita1]

Hey thanks again Twink...

Today I'm in better frame of mind. DS gets to go back to school today. They are supposed to be 'pulling some strings' for me at the school, but haven't heard anything yet today. I did call a counselor recommended by the principal, but of course she never called me back The bright side is that my work is really slow right now, and I've only worked a couple of days this month and about half of my scheduled days last month... with the reduced income maybe we can get some help afterall! Time will tell!

There are a lot of people at work that I haven't seen in the last month or so, so maybe by the time business picks back up my losses will be noticeable!

Anyway... The scale keeps dropping which is great. It said 229 this morning, but I won't officially claim it until Weigh - In Monday. The last time I did this I would have had the post induction stall by now. I am losing a little slower this time (from what I remember) so maybe that is the key

My aunt isn't doing well at all. They are trying to get her up to SF for the evaluation for the liver transplant.. however, she's going down hill so fast, that I fear it will be too late. We'll see. Honestly tho, I don't think she'll qualify to be a transplant candidate, but we have to try everything we can. I'm just so worried that the trip up there and back will be very taxing on her, and possibly detrimental to what's left of her health. Hopefully the outcome will be good!

[twinkerbell]

Hey!
How's it goin??

[Lolita1]

Things lately, have been really good, although a little hectic!

I'm still cheat free, and am now down officially 12.2 pounds. I say officially because my weighday is Monday. I was down a little more today (of course) but it doesn't count until Monday. I haven't re-measured yet.

I cooked up a bunch of stuff yesterday for munching on throughout the week. I'm scheduled to work today thru friday, but am only sure I'll be working tomorrow and friday... depends on business as to whether I work tonight or Thursday.

My Aunt is still doing very poorly. The hospital screwed up all the plans to send her to SF for a transplant evaluation. So she still hasn't gone. Her ammonia levels are through the roof today and she is having a hard time with her motor skills. I'm thinking that she'll be back in the hospital by the end of the week.. If SF doesn't get their act together, she will die before she's even evaluated. It's very annoying and frusterating.

DH and I went out to dinner last night, since I have to work on V-Day. We went to a favorite steak house of mine and then went to Wal-mart to buy a new T.V. for our bedroom. It sure was nice to have a break from the kids... and I was really good at dinner!

I've been contemplating buying a portion of a whole cow.. but don't know who to talk to. I think I'll call around to butchers in the area and see if I can score any deals.. it never hurts to try.

[Lolita1]

Wow, I know it's been a long time since I last wrote here! So many things have been going on non-stop. Between my aunt, my cat getting hit by a car, having 2 jobs, and taking care of a full family and house, I think I've managed pretty well.

Last night we took my mom and brother to the Casino for their birthdays. I figured the buffet would be a good choice since I always seem to do well at buffets. When we got there, I found out that it was Chocolate Indulgence Thursday. There were 100's and 100's of chocolate desserts, chocolate fountains, even the drinks were chocolate. I was bad. I do have to admit that if I'd gone before embarking on this journey, I would have eaten a TON more than I did, and thankfully I'm right back on track today. Not being able to regain control has been my biggest fear. So I'll take it as a test, that in one aspect I failed, but in another aspect I passed with flying colors. Even though food has a 'hold' on me, it's not the same death grip I've been living with all these years. Sometimes we need to look at the small accomplishments.

Anyway, now I'm going to face another of my biggest fears. You see, there is this challenge called Hotter than Hawt by July1, and they asked me if I wanted to join. It started out as a bet between two people and has escalated to a challenge of sorts. I took a before picture of myself, as best as I could with my limited abilities and now I've got to get the nerve to go post it. What if people laugh at me? I know I won't be able to actually hear them, and maybe I'm paranoid, but I can barely face a picture of myself, let alone post for the whole world to see. I'm also going to take my measurements and post those.

One problem I have with posting a picture is, what if I work really hard, eat well, exercise and drink my water, and on July 1st I dont' look any better? These people are going to expect me to have some sort of transformation by then. I'm going to expect myself to have some sort of transformation by then! I don't even expect to be at goal, but c'mon I'd really like to see a huge difference! Well... ANY difference! I want people to say WOW and mean it, not just saying it to be polite. I cannot believe I have allowed myself to become so worked up about a stupid little picture. A stupid little picture that is a HUGE reminder of how much I really dislike what I've become.

On the positive side.. how am I going to know if I don't try it. Everyone on this board is, or at one time was, overweight. Some are much larger than I am, and again some are much smaller than I am, however although we are all different, we all have the same goal. I'm just really hoping that anyone who sees it isn't typing "nice pic" while they are thinking OMG what a whale! God I hate being like this!

[Lolita1]

Ok... back on track!

Well last week was a doosy! First my cat got hit by a car, then we went to the casino on Thursday and it was Chocolate Indulgence Buffet Then I got a wild hair and convinced my mom to go back to the casino Sunday, and she won 19,000 dollars, of which she gave me 5,000 dollars! I've paid off some bills, and have some set aside for emergency and buying a big freezer to buy and store meat.

So, last week I wasn't on plan 2 times, and although in my old days I'd have eaten a lot more quantity, the quality wasn't all that great. I didn't gain any weight (whew) but I deserved to, so I'm back on induction.

As for the Hotter than Hawt challenge, not only did I post the pic and the measurements, but I also have a friendly wager with another girl on there. She and I have almost identical stats, so it should be a pretty fair race!

I also ordered the T-Tapp videos and hopefully they'll be here soon so I can start them. Inches lost is so much more noticeable than 'pounds' lost. Don't get me wrong, I like seeing the scale move, but after 17 pounds I'm still not needing to get into my smaller clothes. I think this time I really need the toning to see the real differences!

So my plan for the rest of the week is to eat clean, drink my water, and be the best 'me' I can be.

[Lolita1]

Hello there....

We found out some bad information about my aunt. She isn't a candidate for a liver transplant. Once they told us that, they said they'd keep her, and get her to the point where she is physically able to at least walk. They said it would be about 2 weeks.. well 2 days later they sent her home in worse condition than when she went. Hospice came over this morning, and it looks like my dad will finally be getting some desperately needed help! It's been so long that he's been having to do this. I help out, as does my SIL, but I live 20 miles away and it's hard for me to get there in time (like when she falls, needs help getting to the bathroom, etc.). Hospice will be on call 24/7, and they are close so someone could get there quickly, and they will help bathe her, and even help my dad with light housework!

For me, things seem to be getting better and better,,, Thanks Universe. I don't know much about the "Secret", but I've been trying to 'place my orders' to the universe, expecting only the best! It seems to be working little by little. It's really hard to give in totally to positive thinking. First, my mom (who's also working with the Universe) won 19,000 dollars, and gave me some... now my work is picking up, and I've got quite a few days this month! The good thing is that most of the days are days where I am in no danger of being called off. I'm doing well on my WL journey... I'd even gotten down to 224.6 but TOM came and I'm retaining some water, so I'm back up a titch. However, TOM should be leaving in the next day or two, so that means in a few days I should be back down, and then some (hopefully)! I had set a goal of wanting to be in Onederland by my birthday in June, and I'm sticking to it, however, I can totally see myself blowing that goal right out of the water!

I'm waiting impatiently for my T-Tapp videos to get here. I dunno how long it takes, but everyday that they aren't here, is a day I'm missing their benefits! I'm really motivated to try them out!

Anyway, that's all for today.. Robbie is going to BBQ Tri-tip tonight, and I need to get another load of dishes done, and laundry going.

[Lolita1]

I know I don't post as often as I should here, but with all that is going on with my aunt, and work (s) I just don't have as much time as I'd like. Thankfully the DS thing has seemed to work itself out... whew! I was worried there for a while, and time will tell if it will stick. I do have to say that he has been making much better choices on how to deal with bullies, and he has been rewarded

Ok, now on to some business!

I'm officially down 20 pounds!

I've decided to go ahead and measure again. I was getting kind of discouraged because I don't really feel any smaller, and my clothes are loose but I don't think I'm ready for a smaller size.

But I did find out that I'm wrong about being smaller, as I've definately lost inches...

Before................................ Now ............................Difference

Waist - 38 1/2" .................................37 1/2 ........................... -1"
Abdomen - 51"..................................48........... .........................-3"
Hips - 50 1/2"....................................49.......... .......................-1.5"
Upper Thigh - 30 1/2 ".........................29...................... ...........-1.5"
Lower Thigh - 24 1/2 ".........................23.5.................... ..........-1"
Calf - 17 1/4".....................................17......... .......................-.25"
Chest - 38" (around rib cage only).........37..................................-1"
Biceps - 14".......................................13.5.... ...........................-.5"

That is a total of.... (getting calculator) 9.75"

I'm really excited about the 3" loss in the Ab. No wonder my pants weren't getting really loose in the waist but were loose elsewhere.

I'll probably re-measure in mid-April