Seventy Pounds Gone ASAP and Forever After

[Mrs.Johnson]

ok Current Stats Jan 28 2007

200Lbs

Bust @ the nipple 43.5 Below the bust 37

Waist @ the Navel 44 Above Navel 41

Hips 47

Lthigh 24

LBicep 15

I haven't allways been heavy, I am 5'6" and have allways sort of hovered around 150, and was rather athletic, i was skinny twice,, once for about 2 years after my son was born when i was 19 (I was 205 lbs when he was born) i was around 135 and once for about 2 years when I was 27 to keep the love of a man who didn't love me back. I went down to 105. I am a Sexual abuse survivor and was psychologicly and emotionaly abused by my mother for close to 30 years. thats where my control issues stem from

I was a single mom on welfare for ten years. at some point this along with alot of extenuating circumstances caused me enough stress that i experienced a psychotic break / nervous break down / Manic Episode. I never lost custody of my son. Tyler is 18.5 yrs old still lives at home and graduated Highschool last June. He is my heart. He kept me alive.

A bodhisatva and treasured friend that i worked with dedicatedly for 7 years once told me that i had cried out in so much pain that the universe heard me and the spirit world answered... frankly from my recolection of events that makes more sence to me than anything psychiatry ever came up with. At any rate after hospitalization and 5 point restraints on several occasions. I agreed to take medication for bipolar disorder. and have for ten years. I'm sure its no surprise to any one here that these medications cause weight gain. I controlled it pretty well for a long time,, its just been in the last few years its gotten out of control. after about a year of counceling and therapy a psychaitris has decided that i should slowly ween myself off all my medication. I havent had any kind of episode in 8 years and he feels i am no longer at risk that experience a form of sterss induced psychosis. and with continued monitoring i can live perfectly well without medication WOOOHOOO... not only because of the weight gain but because of the degenerative effects on the liver and kidneys.....

4 and a half years ago i met my fiancee. i weighed my average 150 he at 6'4 weighed 173 Ty at the time was a gangly 14 yr old all elbows and knees. in 1 year Duane was up to 195 ( he's 205 now) and so did I.. I struggled and fought my way back down to 155... Ty thickened up also but has no weight issues,, just thickened up much the way a puppy does lol... within a year i was back up to 170 i didnt do anythin about it and i slowly climbed up to 220 on feb 14 2006 the night Duane proposed Our best friends video taped it.... I can not get over the size of my ass!!

The Thing With Duane : The thing with duane is that he looks at me and treats me exactly the same at over 200 as he does at 150 he knows i'm uncomfortable and that bugs him but other than that there is no difference at all.... he has these ultra long monkey arms that wrap around me and make me feel petite regardless of my size.... he never ever says you should have a salad... or dont eat that... instead he says I feel like a treat, How about we go for blizards. He is a loving strong fun man that I love with all my heart. at 14 Tyler loved him from the first few months saying that " with duane i allways know he's going to do what he says... if he says tomorow we're going biking at the resevoir... thats what we do" the boy never had a man like that around... And neither have I.... Being this comfortable with my life has had rather a poor effect on my eating habits.

I know that this is rather long.. and I've left alot out lol... I'm going to need this starting point to come back to from time to time... to keep me honest so to speak.

My weigh ins will be the 15th and the 30th of each month, same with measurements. My mini goal is the size of my wedding dress,, right now its an 18,, by the end of June i would be beside myself for a 12, pleased with a 14,,, weel see... i've stuck to plan since Janyary 2 ... with the exception of a few glasses of wine the last two fridays. I may also cut those out... TOM is due somewhere in the next 2 or 3 days. I'm hoping for what you all have called the "Whoosh Fairy"

I say 70 lbs, that would put me at 130,, I know i can be very happy at 150 so I'll see how i feel when i get there. I am so looking forward to putting the issue of weight behind me once and for all and am very thankfull to have found this network of individuals...

[Coal]

Wow after all you have been through I just want to hug you. You deserve this so much. I know you can do it!

[Mrs.Johnson]

Well i didnt hit the snooze button, Thats an improvement. Im in meetings out of town for the next 3 days. They have one restaurant, I'm bringing my own food so i just have to stick to my guns and stay at head office.

I am making an appointment to start my pilates program on Monday Feb 5, I want to start cardio also but i need to buy a treadmill.... so thats going to take a little while to scrape together the cash...

Breakfast today, cream cheese muffin and coffee with heavy cream and splenda.

Lunch, Turkey ceasar salad with bacon

Supper Alliecats Cheesey chicken bacon cabbage casserole

thanks for the reply Coal, I haven been through that much, at least it doesnt feel that way. its just life right , we all get our hand to play. I'm really happy and excited about going off meds,, thats huge for me. there was a time they said i'd never be all right never hold down a job, have a relationship allways in and out of the hospital. Now they ( the pdoc's) say "Nahhh your fine" i guess time really can heal every thing....

[Mrs.Johnson]

good day,, at our meetings for lunch they ordered in pizzas and fresh cookies and i stuck with my chicken ceasar salad all in all a really good day

[Edwards20]

Good job on staying on plan and starting a journal. I am not a good person to give advice, but I can be an encourager. Where did you find the recipe for the cabbage casserole thing ? Feel free to stop by my journal and visit me sometime.

[LovesDivine]

Hey Caroline - and and I wanted to say congrats on getting thru the tough stuff, off meds - and MAJOR congrats on finding Duane...and tell him congrats on finding YOU!!

[Mrs.Johnson]

awwwwwww

[Mrs.Johnson]

ug... TOM is here...did not want to get up today too tired,,

b cream cheese muffin cofee w heavy cream
l leftover caserole from last night which was yummy by the way
D i dont know yet...

yuck i feel like i could sleep till next week oh well,, bye

[Mrs.Johnson]

made it through another day of meetings they served a lunch today of sandwich wraps chicken noodle soup and 3 kinds of cake,,, I stuck to the leftover casserole i brought ( mine was way better ) i'm all hopped up on ibuprofen to keep Tom quiet lol - I think i feel pretty optomistic about seeing ti Whhosh Fairy in a week or so ( after tom is out of the way thsat is)

[Mrs.Johnson]

Gearing up to exercise.... they say a body in motion tends to stay in motion. That a body at rest tends to saty at rest.

7 years ago when i didnt drive it was nothing for me to walk briskley 1 hr and 10 min 4 or more times a week. even durring periods when the weather was 40 below (celcius) or raining or otherwise inclement of couse many times it was a lovely day.

it was nothing at all for me to do this because i was poor, my child and I had to eat and our local grocery store was a 40 min walk away.... the 4 dollars i saved each trip on bus fare could buy quite alot of food All High Carb Food when i think of it,, bread, pasta, milk eggs penut butter blah blah blah... anyway i would walk there put the heavy stuff in my back pack the light stuff in bags in my hands and then walk home.. as i recall it was up hill on the way there and i was weighted down on my way back..... Thinking of those years make me feel very proud

and today,, I am strugling like crazy to build up the ... i dont know what.... "courage" maybe... it sure feels like fear thats stopping me, although i cant immagine why adding exercise to my lifestyle should be....frightening?!?!

So there I have it i'm building up the courage to re-introduce exercise into my lifestyle...

MONDAY! February 5th 5:50AM Sharp! Pilates 40 min

Duane agrees that i need a "real treadmill" i found a good one for what i believe is a reasonable price. We bought me a manual one around this time last year but its imposible to use... i did try i got on the stupid thing over and over for two months and huffed and puffed never got over 15 min on the thing it was so difficult... any way ..... i convinced him i Need this tread mill it wasnt that hard... but we have to wait for our tax rebate...

Still the pilates is good for so many reasons and i believe its the pst place for me to start anyway to increase blood flow, flexability, range of movement in my joints etc etc... i believe it will help me to prevent injury later on.

I would love to go running one day not so verry long from now... outside mmmmmmmm... im so fond of that visual

( of coure in my visual i'm probably 25 haha )

neverthless,, that day is going to be a momentous day for me... the day when i go for a half hour run or so on a beautiful summer morning.


THIS IS WHY MONDAY IS SO VITALLY IMPORTANT.... journey of a thousand steps bigins with........ MONDAY!!!!! Dont Make Me Kick Your Ass

[Mrs.Johnson]

Well I posted the above on the exercise baord,,under Exercise Rant......long

Looking for input from people who have walked a mile or two in my shoes so to speak, and instead i just got insulted by someone who has "been a runner all their lives" telling me i cant use the word courage . to just "get out and run" i'll just go out and tear tendons and break an ankle on the ice while i'm at it. and then at the end he/she says "running isn't easy or everyone would do it" Like oh come on! pick one either its easy and a person should get out and do it or its hard and will require preparation. I'm Sorry I'm very upset. what a rude person. i think thats the first rude person i've met since i started here... sorry to vent like this... i was feeling so positive and now i feel demeaned.

Wow what a let down.

[Mrs.Johnson]

OMG i am soooo tiered,

Breakfast, cream cheese muffin, lunce ham & mushroom alfredo,,,,

Dinner 2 glasses of wine , turkey bacon and tomato with mayo... didnt get home from work till 7:30...

I'm to bed...


long long week so far!

[AuntieMame]

HI!

I am so JEALOUS!!! I take meds (for 15 years now) I would love to stop taking them!! But, it does not look like that's gonna happen. So CONGRATULATIONS!! from someone who knows exactly where you're coming from and what it truly means to be able to stop taking meds!!

I am also a survivor. Nice to meet you

Don't pay any attention to the Exercise Board moron. Running isn't good for your body any way. Walking gives you all the same benefits without the damage to your body. If the EXErcise Board demotivates you - stay away from it. I have a home gym just waiting for me. I want to start exercising, but it is REALLY HARD!!! I don't know what the problem is but there is definitely an issue/problem there for me.

I can't wait to hear about your Pilates. I am interested in trying that, too.

[Mrs.Johnson]

Wow Hi Dixie it's nice to meet you too. my idea is that exercise is all about momentum... its the few baby steps at the begining that are hard... i'll sure keep you posted

[LovesDivine]

Originally Posted by AuntieMame

HI!


Don't pay any attention to the Exercise Board moron. Running isn't good for your body any way. Walking gives you all the same benefits without the damage to your body. If the EXErcise Board demotivates you - stay away from it.

I agree! I started walking, just walking, with my dog this month. I have lost more this month than I have since starting this woe. I love it. It is me time. And let me tell you , if you do it right, nice and brisk, and have some hills, it is quite the areobic work out. Poo poo on whoever was so rotten and discouraging!

[Mrs.Johnson]

Well i got through another day of data entry hell,, today they took us out for chinese food,, i just had a diet coke ans heated up my caserole when we got back to the office,, the owner came in with eropean chocolate bars for everybody,, i broght mine home for Dh... i had a chicken ceasar for supper and ..... there you have it...

Hey Dixie.. I'm a little short on time right now but i sure hear you when you say you'd like to be off meds... and am sure proud of you when you say you know you cant do that,,, i never would have started weening if the pdoc hadn't said i should..... imho it takes great strength to keep taking them day after day and still carve out a life foryourself


Hi Lisa,, thanks for the perspective... even those baby steps add up don't they,, I don't think the individual from the other board meant consciously to be discouraging,, at this point i think they just completely misunderstood my intention.... Completely Misunderstood.... lol

anyway bygons and water under the bridge and all that

I have to work through the weekend its my own fault for wanting to be an IT professional in the firstplace i suppose... should have run away and joined the circus when i had the chance

[LovesDivine]

Hey Caroline, what role do you play in the big bad IT world? I am a business analyst, like the liaison between developer and business user and management. I like it. Not too techincal, but enough so that it challenges me. DH is in the IT field as well.

[Mrs.Johnson]

Hi Lisa, mostly i trouble shoot and assit the IT manager and do alot of data entry . I like it. it can be prety technical at times but mostly i have fun.

well i'm off to sleep,,, i' am just exhausted lol

[Mrs.Johnson]

Well it looks like this project is going to take another coupla of days,,

I did my pilates this morning, what a joke,, i got through it to the end but i cant say i was any good at it,, i knew this first day i would suck at it but,, i dont know,, i'm feeling pretty disapointed,,

eating wise i've done pretty well i think no cheats exactly but i did have a few drinks thursday, friday and saturday nights afterwork...

i was really frustrated because the people who bought this new accounting / manufacturing program bought it cause it is considered the best but had no real concept of how it was going to work...

Once we started entering the data the faults in the programing come out anyway a few my coworkers took this very personaly,,, the more frustrated the programers got the more these ladies felt like they were the ones doing something wrong....

It was a complete gong show... one girl left in tears but my boss and I finally made these guys in programing understand the impact they were having on everybody else... today was much better

at any rate its no reason to drink,, it was only a couple glasses of wine , and a couple of highballs with diet mix,, but enough to slow me down this week... Weel see,, Weigh in is next Tuesday.. no more alcohol though, i dont know if it hurt my progress or not right now... but i'm damn sure it didn't help

[Mrs.Johnson]

Finally the data entry hell has come to an end ... i can go back to 60 km a day instead of 140 and 8 hrs a day instead of 10 or 12 woo hooo...


Didn't work out today,, started to but was tooooo sore lol ,, but will tomorow,, sore or not... new stats are next thursday ... i need a visit from the wooooshhh fairy... night night

[LovesDivine]

Happy to hear the job from hades is done!!

[Mrs.Johnson]

Tell me about it lol it really put a cramp in my style sooo glad that parts over....

i'm used to this time of year being my quiet time january and february are supposed to be really quiet...

Spring time is going to be a bear tho,, I work in agriculture, so spring time (seeding) is looooong hours... it'll be even longer with this new system 12 to 16 hr days and weekends oh well cnat get too hung up on it eventually everything sorts itself out.

[Mrs.Johnson]

I dont feel too good think i'm coming down with something,, throat and ears hurt... DH & DS had the same thing over a week ago,, i figured i didn't get it but looks like I was wrong...

[LovesDivine]

Awww, hope you feel better soon!

[Mrs.Johnson]

I over slept today and didn't get my pilates in not too happy about that but i cant change it now.. Still not feeling well, but not as sick as DH & DS were. I tend to sleep alot when i'm fighting off a bug,, sunday I slept till noon... Tomorow I'm making a special effort to get up and do my work out regardless... sigh ... wednesday i cut back my med again its a very slow process 3 months between drops but DH buys me a new house plant for each drop lol so my house is getting a little jungly... lol...

Thanks for Caring Lisa !

[Mrs.Johnson]

Originally Posted by Mrs.Johnson