The Pursuit of Happyness

Lukin · 01-29-2007, 02:51 PM

Well this is going to be my journal for the next few months. It's time for me to make a real change in my life. It's time to start thinking about me and me alone. I'm done worrying about others, and it's now my time to be selfish!! The first thing I'm going to do for myself is to become the person I always wanted to be, physically. It's time to start dreaming again, and it's time to start making things happen.

Backstory:

I thought 2006 was going to be the greatest year of my life, and for the most part it was, until my birthday in September. I was practically engaged to, who I thought, was the greatest woman in the world.

When I met her in June of 2005, I was at my highest weight. (369 lbs.) I met her in Campeche, Mexico, where I travel to work from time to time. I never really believed in Love at first sight, but after meeting her and having one conversation with her, I had this feeling that I never had before. To me, she was amazing. I had let myself go, I previously had some success with the Atkins diet and lost around 50 lbs. or so, but I was now more than I had ever been at 369. When I came home after that trip I promised to myself that I would get the weight off, and I would never again miss another opportunity at Love. Over the next few months this girl and I would exchange emails and eventually phone calls. I was falling madly in Love and she was too (so she said...

).

My next trip to Campeche came in October, I had dropped nearly 70 lbs., and I was feeling great. Well, we started dating and I had arranged it so I could visit for 2 weeks every month. Things were going great and I was never happier. I gave this relationship everything I had, and then some. It was really tough, but I thought it would eventually work out in the end. She was in college and she said she wasn't going to leave school for anything, and I respected that. After about a year of talking and dating we started talking about marriage. Planning for it and everything, she actually was the one who proposed. She called me around 5 am one morning and said she thought it was stupid to wait for a man to ask, especially when she knew how that man really felt, so she asked me, and I told her that I would wait and surprise her with a ring to make it official. We'll around August she got a new job and had to go to Mexico City for training, the timing couldn’t be worse.

The week of her training, she was supposed to be visiting me here in North Carolina, I was going to pop the question. I reserved us a hot air balloon ride and everything, I though it was going to be perfect. Instead she had to go to Mexico City, so I had to think of something else. We'll September rolled around and my birthday is on the 14th.

We used to talk everyday on the phone, but after she got back from Mexico City, I could hardly ever reach her, and if I did it was in the middle of the night. The day of my birthday I never received a phone call, that's when I truly knew something was wrong, the only person I cared to hear from, I didn't. She finally called early in the morning, but it was too late. I went to visit her the next week and that's when she threw me a big Mexican birthday party, her way of making up for missing my actual birthday. When I showed up to her house for my party, I went upstairs to her bedroom and she was on the phone. As soon as I entered her bedroom she had a look of fear on her face and she asked me to please go back downstairs, she was on the phone. I thought this was a bit odd, but I didn't think she had the balls to be doing what I thought she was doing during my birthday party, that she had thrown for me. Well, a couple of days later she said that it was over and it was because she needed time to figure out if she truly wanted to get married, she said she just wanted to be alone for a little while. I found out later that she met someone in Mexico City and she was starting to cheat on me.

After the fact, she let me know that it was because of my weight and that in the beginning she was proud of me for what I had accomplished, but then I became comfortable with her and the weight loss stopped. I didn’t lose anymore weight, but I hadn’t gained any weight either. My lowest weight was 284 lbs.

Well ironically what has happened through the holidays and me dealing with all of this stuff? I’ve put on a lot of the weight that I lost. I started the diet again at the first of the year and I was back up to 324. Since I’ve lost a few pounds and my weight now is at 315. I’ve started going to gym every evening, and I bought myself a mountain bike for Christmas. I really enjoy biking and I’ve got back into the routine of lifting weights like I did in high school and college.

Well, here’s to new beginnings and what I hope to be a great journey, who knows, maybe I’ll even meet someone better on the way.

Lukin · 01-29-2007, 03:04 PM

So far for today:

Breakfast - EAS Chocolate Protein Shake
Turkey Bacon

Snack - Diet Green Tea

Lunch - Lean Grilled Pork Chops
Diet Mountain Dew

Dinner - Lean Grilled Pork Chops
Diet Mountain Dew

Snack - Sugar-free Jello

Lukin · 01-30-2007, 07:10 AM

I'm dragging this morning. I didn't get much sleep last night, tossing and turning all night.

Last night at the Gym:

30 Minutes on the Bike - 9.04 Miles

Bench - 10x180, 10x180, 8x180
Flys - 10x80, 10x80, 10x80
Cable Incline Press - 10x140, 10x140, 8x140
Ab Machine - 20x80, 20x80, 20x80
Ab Rotary Machine - 10x130, 10x130, 10x130

Lukin · 01-31-2007, 09:15 AM

Yesterday's menu included:

Breakfast - Turkey Bacon, EAS protein shake
Lunch - Sweet and Spicy Tuna w/ Diet Mountain Dew
Dinner - T-Bone w/ Diet Mountain Dew

Exercise:

30 Minutes on the Bike - 9.01 Miles

Lat Pulldown - 10x140, 10x140, 10x140
Seated Pushdowns - 10x200, 10x200, 10x200
Lower Back Machine - 10x150, 10x150, 10x150
Seated Cable Pull - 10x100, 10x100, 10x100
Ab Machine - 20x80, 20x80, 20x80
Ab Rotary Machine - 10x130, 10x130, 10x130

Lukin · 01-31-2007, 09:16 AM

Weight for today is 311. That's down 11.5 lbs. since Friday!

Lukin · 01-31-2007, 08:22 PM

Today's Menu:

Breakfast: Turkey Bacon w/ EAS protein drink

Lunch: 24 Chicken Wings (oops) w/ Diet Mountain Dew

Dinner: Protein shake w/ Whey & Creatine

Exercise:

30 Minutes on Exercise Bike - 9.04 Miles

Cable Tricep Push-Downs - 10x100, 10x100, 10x100
Cable Bicep Curls - 10x120, 10x120, 10x120
Shoulder Press - 10x100, 10x100, 10x100
Ab Machine - 20x90, 20x90, 20x90
Ab Rotary Machine - 10x130, 10x130, 10x130
__________________

Cherylg · 02-01-2007, 07:21 AM

Wow, I clicked ony our thread because I am on another thread also titled pursuit of happyness -

You have certaibly pulled thru and turned things around - congrats!

Bear in mind, you do not want someone who is so devious to cheat on you - your life would have been hell!

Have a great journey! - Cheryl

Lukin · 02-01-2007, 08:35 AM

Thanks for the kind words Cheryl.

I'm very tired again this morning, I'm not getting any sleep. Last night I was up with all kinds of things going on in my mind. The ex messaged me last night and we talked for a couple of hours. It actually made me feel good though. She's finally realizing what she did, and what really she through away. I was expecting this, and I actually told all of my friends that she would make contact with me in January and try and plant the seed again. When she left me she actually made the comment to me that she wanted me to wait until she could see if it was going to work with this new guy, and if it didn't she would come back to me. What kind of person could say something like that, and what kind of a person would I be if I agreed. She told me last night that she was starting to think that she had made a mistake by letting me go, and I said I didn't have to think about it, I knew she made a mistake. I'm positive that I'm the best thing that had ever happened and will ever happen to her.

I'm supposed to meet up with her next week when I visit for work. I'm going to get some expensive stuff back from her that I gave her while we were together. I'm going to have to be strong on my part, as there are alot of emotions still there. It's really funny how the mind works, I'm so frustrated with everything right now, and I have ALOT of hatred for this girl, but I still have alot of feelings for her. It's something I'll never really be able to put into words, nor will I ever understand it.

She made another comment about my weight last night, and I told her that I can lose the weight, but she can't change the person she is. It's pathetic to really see that this is the reason why we didn't work, even though (as most of us big people do) I knew it was probably going to be the end of our relationship sooner or later. I'm 5'9 300 lbs. and she's 5'1 110 lbs. Alot of things were difficult for us, but sometimes you get comfortable with someone and think the same thing about them. You really put your trust in someone only to learn later that they were thinking something completely different than they were feeling. It's really sad. I told her last night that if she truly told me that the weight was that big of an issue that I would have lost the rest of the weight, whether or not that would help our relationship we'll never know, and that's the part I have to live with.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that my motivation now is partly because I want to prove her wrong and send her a picture of my rock solid body in a year or so. I will be sweet revenge, but solve nothing. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm doing this for me, (which is the only way that it will ever work) but right now I'm only doing what works.

Cherylg · 02-01-2007, 08:50 AM

You are just being perfectly human to want to send her a pic of you with your rock hard body. I would do the same! - Actually, I was also engaged in 2005 and for some reason I gained all my weight bakc that I had lost like in 1999 - perhaps it is cause I was not happy - anyway, Mike would say I looked abnormal?? - I am really only like 40 lbs overweight? - and he would say things that REALLY HURT - let me say that he was like 6'1 and nearly 300 lbs so he was not Mr. America????

We ended up breakung up almost 2 yrs ago and I swore to myself that if I could just get this weight off I would somehow (my kids and his kids have my space together, etc) get my pic on there. So, I know exactly how you feel and no I would never take back that shallow ass of a man........

Try and chill out a bit becuase this girl is really a piece of work and you sound so intelligent so don't let her fool you!

Hang in there!

Cheryl

Lukin · 02-01-2007, 08:52 PM

Just got back from the gym.

Today's Menu:

Breakfast: Turkey Bacon w/ EAS Protein drink

Lunch: 4 Turkey Burgers w/ Diet Mountain Dew

Dinner: Grilled Blackend Chicken w/ Diet Mountain Dew

Protein Shake with Creatine after workout

Exercise:

30 Minutes Exercise Bike - 9.5 Miles

Cable Bicep Curls - 10x130, 10x130, 10x130
Cable Tricep Pushdowns - 10x150, 10x150, 10x150
Leg Extensions - 10x120, 10x120, 10x120
Leg Curls - 10x100, 10x100, 10x100
Calf Presses - 30x200, 30x200, 30x200
Ab Machine - 20x90, 20x90, 20x90
Ab Rotary Machine - 10x130, 10x130, 10x130

Lukin · 02-02-2007, 06:27 AM

No changes this morning. Same weight.

I got to work this morning and saw one of my co-workers eating two of the largest, most delicious looking pancakes that these pretty blue eyes have ever seen.....haha.....it almost drove me crazy.

01-29-2007, 02:51 PM	#1
Lukin Junior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Mount Airy, NC Posts: 15 Gallery: Lukin Stats: 369/311/200 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 2005	The Pursuit of Happyness Well this is going to be my journal for the next few months. It's time for me to make a real change in my life. It's time to start thinking about me and me alone. I'm done worrying about others, and it's now my time to be selfish!! The first thing I'm going to do for myself is to become the person I always wanted to be, physically. It's time to start dreaming again, and it's time to start making things happen. Backstory: I thought 2006 was going to be the greatest year of my life, and for the most part it was, until my birthday in September. I was practically engaged to, who I thought, was the greatest woman in the world. When I met her in June of 2005, I was at my highest weight. (369 lbs.) I met her in Campeche, Mexico, where I travel to work from time to time. I never really believed in Love at first sight, but after meeting her and having one conversation with her, I had this feeling that I never had before. To me, she was amazing. I had let myself go, I previously had some success with the Atkins diet and lost around 50 lbs. or so, but I was now more than I had ever been at 369. When I came home after that trip I promised to myself that I would get the weight off, and I would never again miss another opportunity at Love. Over the next few months this girl and I would exchange emails and eventually phone calls. I was falling madly in Love and she was too (so she said...). My next trip to Campeche came in October, I had dropped nearly 70 lbs., and I was feeling great. Well, we started dating and I had arranged it so I could visit for 2 weeks every month. Things were going great and I was never happier. I gave this relationship everything I had, and then some. It was really tough, but I thought it would eventually work out in the end. She was in college and she said she wasn't going to leave school for anything, and I respected that. After about a year of talking and dating we started talking about marriage. Planning for it and everything, she actually was the one who proposed. She called me around 5 am one morning and said she thought it was stupid to wait for a man to ask, especially when she knew how that man really felt, so she asked me, and I told her that I would wait and surprise her with a ring to make it official. We'll around August she got a new job and had to go to Mexico City for training, the timing couldn’t be worse. The week of her training, she was supposed to be visiting me here in North Carolina, I was going to pop the question. I reserved us a hot air balloon ride and everything, I though it was going to be perfect. Instead she had to go to Mexico City, so I had to think of something else. We'll September rolled around and my birthday is on the 14th. We used to talk everyday on the phone, but after she got back from Mexico City, I could hardly ever reach her, and if I did it was in the middle of the night. The day of my birthday I never received a phone call, that's when I truly knew something was wrong, the only person I cared to hear from, I didn't. She finally called early in the morning, but it was too late. I went to visit her the next week and that's when she threw me a big Mexican birthday party, her way of making up for missing my actual birthday. When I showed up to her house for my party, I went upstairs to her bedroom and she was on the phone. As soon as I entered her bedroom she had a look of fear on her face and she asked me to please go back downstairs, she was on the phone. I thought this was a bit odd, but I didn't think she had the balls to be doing what I thought she was doing during my birthday party, that she had thrown for me. Well, a couple of days later she said that it was over and it was because she needed time to figure out if she truly wanted to get married, she said she just wanted to be alone for a little while. I found out later that she met someone in Mexico City and she was starting to cheat on me. After the fact, she let me know that it was because of my weight and that in the beginning she was proud of me for what I had accomplished, but then I became comfortable with her and the weight loss stopped. I didn’t lose anymore weight, but I hadn’t gained any weight either. My lowest weight was 284 lbs. Well ironically what has happened through the holidays and me dealing with all of this stuff? I’ve put on a lot of the weight that I lost. I started the diet again at the first of the year and I was back up to 324. Since I’ve lost a few pounds and my weight now is at 315. I’ve started going to gym every evening, and I bought myself a mountain bike for Christmas. I really enjoy biking and I’ve got back into the routine of lifting weights like I did in high school and college. Well, here’s to new beginnings and what I hope to be a great journey, who knows, maybe I’ll even meet someone better on the way.

02-01-2007, 08:50 AM	#9
Cherylg MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Sunny Treasure Coast in Florida Posts: 2,609 Gallery: Cherylg Stats: 207/207/165 WOE: low calorie, lots of water, exercise Start Date: Every Monday	You are just being perfectly human to want to send her a pic of you with your rock hard body. I would do the same! - Actually, I was also engaged in 2005 and for some reason I gained all my weight bakc that I had lost like in 1999 - perhaps it is cause I was not happy - anyway, Mike would say I looked abnormal?? - I am really only like 40 lbs overweight? - and he would say things that REALLY HURT - let me say that he was like 6'1 and nearly 300 lbs so he was not Mr. America???? We ended up breakung up almost 2 yrs ago and I swore to myself that if I could just get this weight off I would somehow (my kids and his kids have my space together, etc) get my pic on there. So, I know exactly how you feel and no I would never take back that shallow ass of a man........ Try and chill out a bit becuase this girl is really a piece of work and you sound so intelligent so don't let her fool you! Hang in there! Cheryl __________________ CHERYL KEEP ON TRUCKIN...... Started Biggest Loser challenge - 9/17/08 - 209 Goals: November 14 - ONEDERLAND! Turkey Day - 195 Christmas - 185 St. Patrick's Day, 2009 - 165 GOAL

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01-29-2007, 03:04 PM	#2
Lukin Junior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Mount Airy, NC Posts: 15 Gallery: Lukin Stats: 369/311/200 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 2005	So far for today: Breakfast - EAS Chocolate Protein Shake Turkey Bacon Snack - Diet Green Tea Lunch - Lean Grilled Pork Chops Diet Mountain Dew Dinner - Lean Grilled Pork Chops Diet Mountain Dew Snack - Sugar-free Jello

01-30-2007, 07:10 AM	#3
Lukin Junior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Mount Airy, NC Posts: 15 Gallery: Lukin Stats: 369/311/200 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 2005	I'm dragging this morning. I didn't get much sleep last night, tossing and turning all night. Last night at the Gym: 30 Minutes on the Bike - 9.04 Miles Bench - 10x180, 10x180, 8x180 Flys - 10x80, 10x80, 10x80 Cable Incline Press - 10x140, 10x140, 8x140 Ab Machine - 20x80, 20x80, 20x80 Ab Rotary Machine - 10x130, 10x130, 10x130

01-31-2007, 09:15 AM	#4
Lukin Junior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Mount Airy, NC Posts: 15 Gallery: Lukin Stats: 369/311/200 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 2005	Yesterday's menu included: Breakfast - Turkey Bacon, EAS protein shake Lunch - Sweet and Spicy Tuna w/ Diet Mountain Dew Dinner - T-Bone w/ Diet Mountain Dew Exercise: 30 Minutes on the Bike - 9.01 Miles Lat Pulldown - 10x140, 10x140, 10x140 Seated Pushdowns - 10x200, 10x200, 10x200 Lower Back Machine - 10x150, 10x150, 10x150 Seated Cable Pull - 10x100, 10x100, 10x100 Ab Machine - 20x80, 20x80, 20x80 Ab Rotary Machine - 10x130, 10x130, 10x130

01-31-2007, 09:16 AM	#5
Lukin Junior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Mount Airy, NC Posts: 15 Gallery: Lukin Stats: 369/311/200 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 2005	Weight for today is 311. That's down 11.5 lbs. since Friday!

01-31-2007, 08:22 PM	#6
Lukin Junior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Mount Airy, NC Posts: 15 Gallery: Lukin Stats: 369/311/200 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 2005	Today's Menu: Breakfast: Turkey Bacon w/ EAS protein drink Lunch: 24 Chicken Wings (oops) w/ Diet Mountain Dew Dinner: Protein shake w/ Whey & Creatine Exercise: 30 Minutes on Exercise Bike - 9.04 Miles Cable Tricep Push-Downs - 10x100, 10x100, 10x100 Cable Bicep Curls - 10x120, 10x120, 10x120 Shoulder Press - 10x100, 10x100, 10x100 Ab Machine - 20x90, 20x90, 20x90 Ab Rotary Machine - 10x130, 10x130, 10x130 __________________

02-01-2007, 07:21 AM	#7
Cherylg MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Sunny Treasure Coast in Florida Posts: 2,609 Gallery: Cherylg Stats: 207/207/165 WOE: low calorie, lots of water, exercise Start Date: Every Monday	Wow, I clicked ony our thread because I am on another thread also titled pursuit of happyness - You have certaibly pulled thru and turned things around - congrats! Bear in mind, you do not want someone who is so devious to cheat on you - your life would have been hell! Have a great journey! - Cheryl

02-01-2007, 08:35 AM	#8
Lukin Junior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Mount Airy, NC Posts: 15 Gallery: Lukin Stats: 369/311/200 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 2005	Thanks for the kind words Cheryl. I'm very tired again this morning, I'm not getting any sleep. Last night I was up with all kinds of things going on in my mind. The ex messaged me last night and we talked for a couple of hours. It actually made me feel good though. She's finally realizing what she did, and what really she through away. I was expecting this, and I actually told all of my friends that she would make contact with me in January and try and plant the seed again. When she left me she actually made the comment to me that she wanted me to wait until she could see if it was going to work with this new guy, and if it didn't she would come back to me. What kind of person could say something like that, and what kind of a person would I be if I agreed. She told me last night that she was starting to think that she had made a mistake by letting me go, and I said I didn't have to think about it, I knew she made a mistake. I'm positive that I'm the best thing that had ever happened and will ever happen to her. I'm supposed to meet up with her next week when I visit for work. I'm going to get some expensive stuff back from her that I gave her while we were together. I'm going to have to be strong on my part, as there are alot of emotions still there. It's really funny how the mind works, I'm so frustrated with everything right now, and I have ALOT of hatred for this girl, but I still have alot of feelings for her. It's something I'll never really be able to put into words, nor will I ever understand it. She made another comment about my weight last night, and I told her that I can lose the weight, but she can't change the person she is. It's pathetic to really see that this is the reason why we didn't work, even though (as most of us big people do) I knew it was probably going to be the end of our relationship sooner or later. I'm 5'9 300 lbs. and she's 5'1 110 lbs. Alot of things were difficult for us, but sometimes you get comfortable with someone and think the same thing about them. You really put your trust in someone only to learn later that they were thinking something completely different than they were feeling. It's really sad. I told her last night that if she truly told me that the weight was that big of an issue that I would have lost the rest of the weight, whether or not that would help our relationship we'll never know, and that's the part I have to live with. I'd be lying if I didn't say that my motivation now is partly because I want to prove her wrong and send her a picture of my rock solid body in a year or so. I will be sweet revenge, but solve nothing. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm doing this for me, (which is the only way that it will ever work) but right now I'm only doing what works.

02-01-2007, 08:52 PM	#10
Lukin Junior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Mount Airy, NC Posts: 15 Gallery: Lukin Stats: 369/311/200 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 2005	Just got back from the gym. Today's Menu: Breakfast: Turkey Bacon w/ EAS Protein drink Lunch: 4 Turkey Burgers w/ Diet Mountain Dew Dinner: Grilled Blackend Chicken w/ Diet Mountain Dew Protein Shake with Creatine after workout Exercise: 30 Minutes Exercise Bike - 9.5 Miles Cable Bicep Curls - 10x130, 10x130, 10x130 Cable Tricep Pushdowns - 10x150, 10x150, 10x150 Leg Extensions - 10x120, 10x120, 10x120 Leg Curls - 10x100, 10x100, 10x100 Calf Presses - 30x200, 30x200, 30x200 Ab Machine - 20x90, 20x90, 20x90 Ab Rotary Machine - 10x130, 10x130, 10x130

02-02-2007, 06:27 AM	#11
Lukin Junior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Mount Airy, NC Posts: 15 Gallery: Lukin Stats: 369/311/200 WOE: Atkins Start Date: June 2005	No changes this morning. Same weight. I got to work this morning and saw one of my co-workers eating two of the largest, most delicious looking pancakes that these pretty blue eyes have ever seen.....haha.....it almost drove me crazy.