Speedy Magee

[speedymagee]

All past failures are not relevant today.

Today I am starting a 'sugar detox', been here before....
I've lost weight...gained weight...up...down...for years.
My downfall every single time is sugar.

I'm re-reading Potatoes Not Prozac and a treasure I found at a second hand shop Dr Atkins' Super Energy Diet (published in '77).

Today I'm just concentrating on getting through this day (Jan 22, 2007) without eating sugar in any form and also nothing with wheat or flour.

baby steps...

[speedymagee]

I made it through day 1!

I am not going to worry about getting exercise until I can get my eating on track. One thing at a time. I did go for a nice long walk yesterday outside. It was only -2!(that's 28F), but exercise isn't my focus now.

For me what goes into my mouth is more important in my journey. I gained 13lbs in a month!!! No amount of exercise can counter-act that kind of junk food and binge eating.

Ok day 2 I'm ready!

[speedymagee]

End of Day 2

I spent 2 hours this afternoon with my FIL taking down the Christmas lights and went for a long slow walk with DH. It helped me keep my mind off eating.

Dinner was hard tonight...
It took all my determination to control my portions. My MIL made a wonderful Thai salad that had brown sugar in the dressing...not a lot, but still.

Whenever I try to control carbs, sugar or calorie intake I get this feeling like I won't get enough to eat. Like I might starve before my next meal. It has nothing to do with hunger either, as I can be quite full and still feel this way.Where does this come from?? I've never missed a meal in my life!! I have issues!

[speedymagee]

I started taking Bcomplex today with Zinc. In Potatoes Not Prozac the writer strongly reccomends taking Vitamin B Complex Vitamin C Zinc -for sugar sensitive people to help with the cravings and to start the re-nourishing process.

I had some strong cravings today, but ate fat instead of the junk that I was craving. Day 3 done and a success!

[speedymagee]

Today is Day 4 of my sugar detox.
Weight - it fluctuated between 163 & 163.5 this morning.
I was REALLY irritable this morning...even after coffee, eggs, and 1/2 an avocado. Part of the detox?? I hope so!

Here is a bit about me and my situation.

DH and I left Japan 6 months ago after spending 8 years 8 YEARS!! there.

We spent about 7 weeks in Taipei, Taiwan trying (half-heartedly) trying to find work teaching English, before we finally admitted we just wanted to come back to Canada....I gained 13lbs in that time.13 POUNDS!!

We are staying with my in-laws temporarily until we move out and start to get our lives in Canada underway. Just for the record I hit the jackpot when it comes to in-laws. They are the nicest people I know and I feel very at home here. MIL is very accomodating in the kitchen (I have not told them I'm LCing) and is a fussy eater, so she thinks I am too! Lucky me!

DH and I are either going to move to Saskatoon or Calgary. Today I'm leaning towards Saskatoon...

My LC Plan

Here are the main principles.
No sugar No artificial sugar The main reason is I have no portion control. 1 diet coke a day becomes 5 per day a week later.
Carbs between 60 and 80 g a day I am comfortable here, can eat lots of veggies, and can still lose weight.
Journaling my daily food intake I need to be accountable.
No white flour I can't control myself with baked goods, cereal, and other goodies made from flour.

From Potatoes Not Prozac
Withdrawal from sugar will feel like withdrawal from a drug. This is because both sugar and narcotics raise our beta-endorphin level, and when we stop using them the brain starts begging for more.

Tomorrow I want to write about a big AHA! I had last week.

[speedymagee]

Day 5 Sugar Detox

From Potatoes Not Prozac "...your full sugar detox takes about 5 days.....you may feel irritable, angry, tense or jittery. You may have difficulty concentrating or remembering things. You may wonder why you ever started this detox in the first place."

That's me. But today is day 5!

An Aha Moment...

DH and I are staying with his parents. My FIL is just like me in the eating department. I see him sneaking sweets, eating large amounts of sugars in all forms -baking, chocolate, cereal, fruit- all the things that send blood sugar through the roof.

He is 68 years old. I was watching TV with him one day last week and it occured to me that if I don't do something immediately and permanent that when I'm 68 I will still be yo-yoing and struggling with this addiction to sugar.

[speedymagee]

Pretty smooth sailing today.
I did have some Kraft Natural Peanut Butter -no sugar added-
I had some kind of reaction to it...I got this weird cough and tickle in my lungs. So I'm not going to eat that again.

There was some shortbread sitting on the kitchen table all day, which I had to walk by about a million times, but I didn't want any. Let's hope that feeling lasts and lasts.

[speedymagee]

I'm feeling in control with my eating.
This is when I have to be most vigilant.

My whole situation/life is kind of depressing me. I want to get out on our own, our own place and get looking for work.

[speedymagee]

Things are going pretty good. My hunger has gone way done. Yesterday I had to make myself eat lunch. I honestly didn't feel hungry, but as soon as I ate I felt calm and steady again. Which made me think that maybe I'm not really 'hearing' the hunger signals I'm getting from my body.

My new mantra
eat three meals a day at regular intervals, eat protein at every meal.
It helps a lot.

DH and I took a drive to Saskatoon a couple of days ago. We have been having some trouble re-adjusting to life in Canada. We were thinking of re-locating to Saskatoon. It's a lovely city, but we have decided to move to Calgary.

I've been really worried that getting a job will be really hard since I have no real skills and have been out of the country for 8 years. Well Calgary is booming and I think getting a job will be no trouble.

Life is stressful. I'm learning new ways of coping without food.

[speedymagee]

Weight 165lbs -a gain of 2lbs

I was quite disappointed to see my weight this morning after 12 whole days of no sugar. Last night I indulged in some salty packaged snacks loaded with salt and MSG. I'm hoping it's just water I've gained.

Challenge of the Day
MIL(where DH and I are staying at the moment) is having a dinner party tonight. So far she has baked 3 kinds of pie(apple, lemon meringue, flapper), cinnamon buns, and dinner rolls.

While everyone was enjoying their cinnamon rolls I quietly made a salmon salad. I feel better(not hungry at least), but sure wish I didn't have to see and smell those damn baked goods.

[speedymagee]

Post Dinner Party Feelings

I made it through!! While everyone was enjoying potatoes and gravy, buns, and then later PIE I ate my food and enjoyed it. I knew that one piece of pie would (will) never be enough, so I said, 'no thank-you'. It wasn't even all that hard...after making the decision. The decision was hard.

Now that I'm sugar free I'm having a lot of feelings surfacing. Last night just before eating I was really angry!! Some feelings I don't recognize!! What the heck!

I started a food journal(in a notebook) this week with columns for feelings, both physical and emotional. I guess unravelling all these feelings will take some time.

[speedymagee]

Ok, so here's the thing. I'm finding myself becoming extremely enraged over things that seem silly.

Have I been eating to dampen my anger all these years? Could my anger be related to PMS? Oh lord I think I'm a head case!

[speedymagee]

Trying to get ready for the big move to Calgary. I'm excited to finally be getting on with life, but am quite stressed out about all the things that need to be handled.

I do want to get down to 145lbs. I have decided to let my body dictate the time it will take. I need to make a change in my eating that will be permanent.

Even if it takes 6 months or more, so what? I mean really...SO WHAT? 6 months is going to go by anyway...

[speedymagee]

Am so hungry today.

I over ate, legal foods, no sugar, but I just didn't feel satisfied. I could still eat half a horse right now! and it's 11PM Jeeeeez, think it's PMS, so hope it will pass, will try to eat extra fat and protein tomorrow.

[speedymagee]

I'm reading the follow up to Potatoes Not Prozac by Kathleen DesMaison. It's titled The Sugar Addict's Total Recovery Program

It's not really a LC plan, they include lots of complex carbs with the ultimate goal of healing our body/brain chemistry.

I've let go of sugar, but am still eating some white flour products and have added some other complex carbs. These may be triggering my intense hunger, not PMS. Not sure yet, but am keeping a detailed food journal.

[speedymagee]

Today my goal is to have 3 meals(no snacks) with protein at each meal. Lots of protein and fat. All the recent indulgences in salty snacks has really revved up my appetite.

It's -25C today, but will bundle up and go for a walk. Getting stir crazy in the house. I'm so ready to go, I love DH's family, but I need my own place.

[speedymagee]

I feel fat and ugly. UGH...TOM, but still.
I've been a little loose with my eating, but still no sugar.

FIL made a comment on my expanding behind.
FIL, 'Jeez Sandy the way your spreading out there won't be room for anyone else on the couch.'
Me, 'haha'
Ouch my feelings hurt.

[speedymagee]

I'm having a hard time eating protein at every meal. I stopped eating meat this past summer, but still eat fish and eggs.

When I eat too many carbs at a meal, I just can't get satisfied. I can eat and eat and eat. There are 2 possibilites:
1 When I have my own place I can ensure that I get plenty of protein from vegetarian sources.
2 Add back some animal source protein.

At the moment I'm not sure what I will do. I'm finding it really tough to control my carb/protein intake, then eating more carbs makes me want more....the endless cycle

I feel like I don't have total control of what I can eat since I am a guest in my in-laws home. This doesn't mean I can go crazy and eat crap though, this is not a free pass, this is life!

Just taking it one meal at a time, but feel like I'm white-knuckling it a bit.

[speedymagee]

I'm learning so much about me.
Today I was bored and went for a walk. Once I got walking I spent an hour crying!! I wasn't bored, I was sad!! I just wanted to eat and not feel sad anymore.

[speedymagee]

I've been on a slippery slope for a few days and last night I caved in. Pop tarts.

I'm really depressed about this. I've fallen off the wagon so many times it's not funny.

We are moving to Victoria, BC. We were planning on Calgary, but had a change of heart. I'm so scared I won't be able to get a good job...or any job.

I'm completely obsessed with sweets, argh!! I despair that I can ever overcome this obsession!

[speedymagee]

In a full blown binge.
I will review my food journal closely for any clues as to the possible cause.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Darn, am really disappointed with myself.

[speedymagee]

I had a really good talk with my sister yesterday.

I hate to admit this, but I've been holding on to old hurts and unforgiveness like they were precious jewels.

She helped me to see how I've cherished my role as victim and black sheep in my family. She certainly never said it like that though or I probably would have freaked out!!

For a few months now I have been praying for forgiveness: for rotten things I did over the years to my family.
And to genuinely feel forgiving: for rotten things my family did to me over the years.

It feels as though my prayers have been answered.

Is there a connection to my food and all these new feelings?

[speedymagee]

Well 2 days of binging is enough.
I'm committed to getting back on plan today.

We are moving next week. We have decided to make Victoria home, instead of Calgary. I'm really nervous, scared, and also excited.

[speedymagee]

I spiralled out of control.
2 days became 5.
I am my own worst enemy.
I'm staying with the in-laws and it is hard to control the food that's around, but that's an excuse. I choose what I eat and I must make choices that don't set me up for failure.
Eating cereal for breakfast
Eating anything with sugar
Eating too many carbs
Eating processed carbs
Not eating at regular intervals
Not eating enough protein/fat
THESE THINGS SET ME UP TO FAIL

[speedymagee]

Well DH and I have relocated to Victoria (BC). We got a teeny little place, but it's great for now.

Now the job hunt. Yuck.

I haven't been doing well in the eating department. I bought some clothes yesterday. It was quite traumatic. I'm really fat and flabby. I bought size 15 pants and XL shirts.

>>>I'm not one of those women who look fashionable and fab and stylish, regardless of size.<<< I just look round...like a spud.

I'm stressed and worried about getting a job, having enough cash...the usual. but if not now, when? Life always has some stress, no?

[speedymagee]

I am at a crossroads of sorts. I have been mostly vegetarian since last summer. I eat fish, and dairy, and eggs, just not meat.
I feel better when I eat meat. How do I balance that with my desire not to have animals raised in cruel conditions so I can eat them??
I'm looking into organic meat, but it seems to be spendy and they still die to be eaten.

[speedymagee]

I'm finally getting things sorted out. Little by little.

DH and I have a new apartment in Victoria. And we just got internet and phone hooked up this morning!Yay!

I have had 2 job interviews and have a third one tomorrow!

After careful consideration I have decided that for now, I'm going to get the majority of my protein from fish and eggs. It doesn't bother me at all that fish are killed for me to eat. Why is that?

Hopefully by my next update I will be employed.

[speedymagee]

3 job interviews....zero job offers....
Feeling a little sad about it and worried too.

DH and I made a deal that no more junk food will enter the house. That will help me a lot.

An Observation on Aging
Last summer I weighed in at 150lbs, a little flabby, but I jogged and did at home exercises to improve my strength.

I went to Taiwan in November (so stopped jogging, started eating crap) and totally lost my fitness in a matter of weeks (about 4) I was back up 15lbs and my cardio was shot. Sheeesh!

I was just thinking that is why it's super doooooper important to keep our fitness/health as we age, as it's that much harder to get it back!! (I'm 38 by the way)