Morgan's Journey on Getting Her Life Back

Morgan2281 · 12-13-2006, 05:01 PM

Hi everyone. My name is Morgan and I am 17 years old. I have battled my weight my WHOLE life. In elementary and middle school I was constantly made fun of because of my weight. In 8th grade I lost quite a bit of weight because I wanted to start fresh when I got to high school. Throughout high school I've gained weight little by little until today when I am now half a pound short of 170.
A series of events have happened over the last few days that have hit me hard. First, a friend of mine told me how she views herself and her body. She said, "For me, being healthy is a privilege that God has graciously granted us and we only have so long to live in our prime. Why waste it being fat?" That really hit me hard because she is so right. Next, my dad took us to Chicago last weekend on our annual holiday shopping trip. Basically, my mom, sister and I pick out several outfits and thats my dad's gift to us. This year, all the stuff I wanted to wear didn't look good on me because of my weight. It was so depressing especially since my sister is super skinny and looks good in everything (b*tch). Finally, I'm planning a road trip this summer with a few friends of mine. We are planning on going out west to the Grand Canyon and Yellowstone. My dad mentioned to me how hot it is out there this time of the year. I immediately thought, "ugh, I'm going to be so hot and uncomfortable because I won't feel confident in summer clothes. Maybe we shouldn't go out there." This may seem like a very small conflict for many of you but when I thought about this, I decided I had had enough. I'm sick of my weight stopping me from doing things. Stopping me from what I want to wear, stopping me from getting the guy I want, stopping me from having fun, stopping me from having all the confidence that I should have, stopping me from living. I have decided that today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm going to take control of who I am and where my life is going. I want to be healthy and not worry about if some outfit makes me look fat. So here it goes...

Samantha42 · 12-13-2006, 05:18 PM

Wow... basically your first post was a condensed version of my first post. I'm 23 -- totally know how you feel. I think it's harder to be younger and be overweight, bc everyone around you is thin. Even at a normal weight you would seem fat. Know what I mean? I don't think people judge older fat people like they do younger ones. I know exactly where you are coming from... but you can do this! What plan are you following? Also, if you want to see my journal it's in the link below with my signature.

Don't forget to post in your journal often, even if you have a slip-up, hold yourself accountable!

Samantha42 · 12-13-2006, 08:36 PM

Hey.. I just posted this in my own journal and then realized that you're new, so you might now know how the subscriptions work... then you might miss my response LOL

Sooo I'm going to post it again:

LOL that is so true. My thing has become purses. And even with that I can't get the real teeny ones because they will look ridiculous mushed under my fat-assed arm!! I bet you were on Michigan Avenue shopping?? My senior year of high school (are you a senior?) I started getting really into health. I think it's good you are taking it slowly b/c sometimes, once you go really lowcarb its almost impossible to go back without gaining tons of weight.

Let me know how you're doing! If you need any advice, support etc. feel free to message me here or send me a private message!

basketbalhotty22 · 12-13-2006, 08:57 PM

morgan...oh my god
i read your thing and we have so much in common..
seriously woman, from now on..lets like seriously support each other..
normally we say we will and like in school or when we go out to eat ,we dont. and i think that that DOESNT help. so lets!

lets join that spinning class at ballys like we were talking about..for me its free..but for you idk how much it'll cost..however, if you join ballys, whichh you should so we can start going after school, you can do spinning (and all the other classes) for free...
the one by school doesnt have a pool but the other one i go to does...so yeah

good luck chicka

love ya

Morgan2281 · 12-13-2006, 09:17 PM

Omg Samantha~
I totally know what you're talking about with purses. I actually don't like carrying them around much because my weight makes me uncomfortable carrying them. I don't know why I just feel uncomfortable. Yes we went to Michigan Avenue. We always spend so much time in any store we go into, we never get to go to many. Like this year we only went to maybe 6 or 7 stores all day. Every year we try to hit different shops. Truly, thanks for your support. Tomorrow is going to be my first cheat-free day. I'll let you know how it goes. BTW...yes I am a senior and I want to get into a healthy habit of living because I don't want to gain the freshmen 15 in college. I'm starting that battle now.

Richelle~
Yeah...we are way too much a like. Coffee doesn't have carbs right? Cuz when you go out to Starbucks for lunch you should bring me some back cuz then when I go out to lunch I'm not as hungry. What are the nutrition facts on Chai? About spinning, we definitely should. I'll talk to my mom about it.

basketbalhotty22 · 12-13-2006, 09:21 PM

okay 1) coffee has like 10 cals and 0 carbs
2) i'll bring you back some..you should just get a gift card and give it to me everytime yo uwant me to get you some (btw-coffee suppresses hunger)
3)facts on chai-like that weird drink i get at starbucks (<--if you dont notice it, the ONLY time i drink those are on the days i'm not eating well..so i just dont give a **** and eat/drink whatever...so yeah, those arent that good)
4)hopefully your mom will let you..what do you think she'll say??

Morgan2281 · 12-13-2006, 09:31 PM

She'll probably say yes but we are also members at the YMCA and I'm not sure I want to give that up...so we'll see. Ok...I'll look into getting a card for starbucks. Whenever you're there just text me and I'll let you know if I'm coming to German. Get me decaf with a little creamer and equal.

basketbalhotty22 · 12-13-2006, 09:32 PM

why decaf?

Morgan2281 · 12-13-2006, 09:37 PM

Because I'm trying to consume less caffeine because I'm kinda addicted to it. If I go without all day I get a headache so I'm trying to drink less.

basketbalhotty22 · 12-13-2006, 09:41 PM

gotchya

Morgan2281 · 12-14-2006, 05:45 AM

Ok....it's day one. I was going to wake up this morning and work out but I was up until 1 last night doing homework and I can't live off of 3.5 hours of sleep so I'm going to run when I get home tonight. I'll add on to here tonight with my success!

basketbalhotty22 · 12-14-2006, 08:18 AM

i'm in the same boat as you
i have tobabysit til 6 BOO so yeah
hopefully i'll do stuff afterwards

Morgan2281 · 12-14-2006, 09:59 PM

Ok....so today could've gone better but I didn't do too horribly.
Breakfast = granola bar (we didn't have any fruit but I bought some today)
Lunch = salad
Snack = baby puffs
Dinner = sushi
So overall I didn't do very good with the carbs but I didn't have that many calories. I didn't get to excercise because my parents took me out shopping for Christmas presents which was kinda hard to do since I only needed there gifts lol. Tomorrow is go much better. I was 169.5 this morning and I don't want to hit 170 so I'm going to work harder.

basketbalhotty22 · 12-14-2006, 10:02 PM

keep it up morgan..
saturday and sunday i work from 11-4
either, lets workout before those times or after-->i'd prefer before to get it overwith..and plus, its nice to get it done in the morning..wanna?

one day i'll be your guest at the Y and the next you can be mine

Morgan2281 · 12-14-2006, 10:05 PM

Ok. That sounds good. Lets go in the morning and get it done with. I would prefer that. I'll talk to you tomorrow in German about it.

basketbalhotty22 · 12-14-2006, 10:08 PM

7 Day Challenge...

join that ..i created it

Morgan2281 · 12-16-2006, 12:06 AM

Ok...so today started out kinda sucky since I gained half a pound and reached that dreaded 170. Unfortunately that discouraged me a little and I didn't have the healthiest lunch but I didn't eat dinner and ran 1.5 miles to make up for it. Then I went to the best concert EVER!!! Gym Class Heros, Boys like Girls, The Format, Motion City Soundtrack, and my favorite All-American Rejects. Seriously, I think I got more of a workout at the concert than I did when I ran today. I was drenched with sweat. This is how said my feelings about my weight are...I didn't want to crowd surf because I didn't want people feeling my fat. I really need to get me weight under control and enjoy life.

Morgan2281 · 12-16-2006, 12:13 AM

Oh and now I also have some more inspiration. I am doing the Polar Plunge on February 18. It might be a school event so like my whole school would see me in a bikini. I would like to look skinny for that. In case any of you don't know the Polar Plunge is when they cut a hole in the ice and then everyone jumps in the ice cold water to raise money for the Special Olympics.

Morgan2281 · 12-16-2006, 09:58 PM

OK..so today when I got on the scale I lost 3.5 pounds!!! All in one day. I know it's just because I didn't eat dinner last night and I lost a bunch of water weight from the concert so I'll gain some back tomorrow but it still felt really good. It really motivated me to do well. Today I had an omelet and then we baked our annual Christmas cookies. I tasted the dough a few times but I never had a full cookie. I know cookie dough is NOT on my diet but it's a once a year thing and I did well all day besides for that. I didn't have time to work out a lot today but I did manage to get one mile in. I know that isn't far but it keeps me on track. I'll check back in tomorrow!

Morgan2281 · 12-17-2006, 02:05 PM

Today I gained back 2 pounds out of the 3.5 that I lost last night but I'm not too upset because of the cirmustances in which I had lost 3.5. I had a salad today and thats it. I'm going to try to just leave it at that but I might have to have a little more later on. I think I'm getting sick...ugh. Like my throat hurts and stuff. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Morgan2281 · 12-19-2006, 09:27 PM

Ok....I've been a little sick the last few days and my eating hasn't been the best as it could've been but I'm feeling better now and I'm back on track. My goal was to be 165 by Friday. I 2 days to lose 2 pounds...crunch time! I wasn't going to exercise today because I have a big paper to write but I was watching the Victoria's Secret fashion show and their bodies totally inspired me to go run so I ran today. It was a little hard because I've been sick but I got through it. I'm hoping to get up tomorrow morning and exercise again but I'm not sure because I might be up late writing this paper.

basketbalhotty22 · 12-20-2006, 04:25 AM

mo-i'm proud of you
good job
see, keep that motivation
you only spent like max 30min working out..definitely wasnt 30min wasted
then you could focus on your paper

good job
keep it up

12-13-2006, 05:01 PM	#1
Morgan2281 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 22 Gallery: Morgan2281 Stats: 169.5/166.5/135 WOE: Moderat Carbs Start Date: December 12, 2006	Morgan's Journey on Getting Her Life Back Hi everyone. My name is Morgan and I am 17 years old. I have battled my weight my WHOLE life. In elementary and middle school I was constantly made fun of because of my weight. In 8th grade I lost quite a bit of weight because I wanted to start fresh when I got to high school. Throughout high school I've gained weight little by little until today when I am now half a pound short of 170. A series of events have happened over the last few days that have hit me hard. First, a friend of mine told me how she views herself and her body. She said, "For me, being healthy is a privilege that God has graciously granted us and we only have so long to live in our prime. Why waste it being fat?" That really hit me hard because she is so right. Next, my dad took us to Chicago last weekend on our annual holiday shopping trip. Basically, my mom, sister and I pick out several outfits and thats my dad's gift to us. This year, all the stuff I wanted to wear didn't look good on me because of my weight. It was so depressing especially since my sister is super skinny and looks good in everything (btch). Finally, I'm planning a road trip this summer with a few friends of mine. We are planning on going out west to the Grand Canyon and Yellowstone. My dad mentioned to me how hot it is out there this time of the year. I immediately thought, "ugh, I'm going to be so hot and uncomfortable because I won't feel confident in summer clothes. Maybe we shouldn't go out there." This may seem like a very small conflict for many of you but when I thought about this, I decided I had had enough. I'm sick of my weight stopping me from doing things. Stopping me from what I want to wear, stopping me from getting the guy I want, stopping me from having fun, stopping me from having all the confidence that I should have, stopping me from living. I have decided that today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm going to take control of who I am and where my life is going. I want to be healthy and not worry about if some outfit makes me look fat. So here it goes... __________________ Starting Weight = 169.5 Current Weight = 166.5 Goal - 135 Weight Lost = 0 Short Term Goal = 162 by December 25 Miles Run = 4.0 170* 165 160 155 150 145 140 135 Morgan's Journey on Getting Her Life Back Last edited by Morgan2281 : 12-13-2006 at 05:45 PM.

12-13-2006, 05:18 PM	#2
Samantha42 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Illinois Posts: 2,558 Gallery: Samantha42 Stats: 205/189.6/150 5'5" 25y/o WOE: LC	Wow... basically your first post was a condensed version of my first post. I'm 23 -- totally know how you feel. I think it's harder to be younger and be overweight, bc everyone around you is thin. Even at a normal weight you would seem fat. Know what I mean? I don't think people judge older fat people like they do younger ones. I know exactly where you are coming from... but you can do this! What plan are you following? Also, if you want to see my journal it's in the link below with my signature. Don't forget to post in your journal often, even if you have a slip-up, hold yourself accountable! __________________ SAMANTHA a little piece of my heart.... Of all the things you can do, what will you do?

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12-13-2006, 08:36 PM	#3
Samantha42 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Illinois Posts: 2,558 Gallery: Samantha42 Stats: 205/189.6/150 5'5" 25y/o WOE: LC	Hey.. I just posted this in my own journal and then realized that you're new, so you might now know how the subscriptions work... then you might miss my response LOL Sooo I'm going to post it again: LOL that is so true. My thing has become purses. And even with that I can't get the real teeny ones because they will look ridiculous mushed under my fat-assed arm!! I bet you were on Michigan Avenue shopping?? My senior year of high school (are you a senior?) I started getting really into health. I think it's good you are taking it slowly b/c sometimes, once you go really lowcarb its almost impossible to go back without gaining tons of weight. Let me know how you're doing! If you need any advice, support etc. feel free to message me here or send me a private message!

12-13-2006, 08:57 PM	#4
basketbalhotty22 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: WI Posts: 1,083 Gallery: basketbalhotty22 Stats: Working my way to a healthier, thinner me WOE: Healthy/Portion Control/lots of exercise Start Date: september 24, 2008	morgan...oh my god i read your thing and we have so much in common.. seriously woman, from now on..lets like seriously support each other.. normally we say we will and like in school or when we go out to eat ,we dont. and i think that that DOESNT help. so lets! lets join that spinning class at ballys like we were talking about..for me its free..but for you idk how much it'll cost..however, if you join ballys, whichh you should so we can start going after school, you can do spinning (and all the other classes) for free... the one by school doesnt have a pool but the other one i go to does...so yeah good luck chicka love ya

12-13-2006, 09:17 PM	#5
Morgan2281 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 22 Gallery: Morgan2281 Stats: 169.5/166.5/135 WOE: Moderat Carbs Start Date: December 12, 2006	Omg Samantha~ I totally know what you're talking about with purses. I actually don't like carrying them around much because my weight makes me uncomfortable carrying them. I don't know why I just feel uncomfortable. Yes we went to Michigan Avenue. We always spend so much time in any store we go into, we never get to go to many. Like this year we only went to maybe 6 or 7 stores all day. Every year we try to hit different shops. Truly, thanks for your support. Tomorrow is going to be my first cheat-free day. I'll let you know how it goes. BTW...yes I am a senior and I want to get into a healthy habit of living because I don't want to gain the freshmen 15 in college. I'm starting that battle now. Richelle~ Yeah...we are way too much a like. Coffee doesn't have carbs right? Cuz when you go out to Starbucks for lunch you should bring me some back cuz then when I go out to lunch I'm not as hungry. What are the nutrition facts on Chai? About spinning, we definitely should. I'll talk to my mom about it.

12-13-2006, 09:21 PM	#6
basketbalhotty22 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: WI Posts: 1,083 Gallery: basketbalhotty22 Stats: Working my way to a healthier, thinner me WOE: Healthy/Portion Control/lots of exercise Start Date: september 24, 2008	okay 1) coffee has like 10 cals and 0 carbs 2) i'll bring you back some..you should just get a gift card and give it to me everytime yo uwant me to get you some (btw-coffee suppresses hunger) 3)facts on chai-like that weird drink i get at starbucks (<--if you dont notice it, the ONLY time i drink those are on the days i'm not eating well..so i just dont give a **** and eat/drink whatever...so yeah, those arent that good) 4)hopefully your mom will let you..what do you think she'll say??

12-13-2006, 09:31 PM	#7
Morgan2281 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 22 Gallery: Morgan2281 Stats: 169.5/166.5/135 WOE: Moderat Carbs Start Date: December 12, 2006	She'll probably say yes but we are also members at the YMCA and I'm not sure I want to give that up...so we'll see. Ok...I'll look into getting a card for starbucks. Whenever you're there just text me and I'll let you know if I'm coming to German. Get me decaf with a little creamer and equal.

12-13-2006, 09:32 PM	#8
basketbalhotty22 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: WI Posts: 1,083 Gallery: basketbalhotty22 Stats: Working my way to a healthier, thinner me WOE: Healthy/Portion Control/lots of exercise Start Date: september 24, 2008	why decaf?

12-13-2006, 09:37 PM	#9
Morgan2281 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 22 Gallery: Morgan2281 Stats: 169.5/166.5/135 WOE: Moderat Carbs Start Date: December 12, 2006	Because I'm trying to consume less caffeine because I'm kinda addicted to it. If I go without all day I get a headache so I'm trying to drink less.

12-13-2006, 09:41 PM	#10
basketbalhotty22 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: WI Posts: 1,083 Gallery: basketbalhotty22 Stats: Working my way to a healthier, thinner me WOE: Healthy/Portion Control/lots of exercise Start Date: september 24, 2008	gotchya

12-14-2006, 05:45 AM	#11
Morgan2281 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 22 Gallery: Morgan2281 Stats: 169.5/166.5/135 WOE: Moderat Carbs Start Date: December 12, 2006	Ok....it's day one. I was going to wake up this morning and work out but I was up until 1 last night doing homework and I can't live off of 3.5 hours of sleep so I'm going to run when I get home tonight. I'll add on to here tonight with my success!

12-14-2006, 08:18 AM	#12
basketbalhotty22 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: WI Posts: 1,083 Gallery: basketbalhotty22 Stats: Working my way to a healthier, thinner me WOE: Healthy/Portion Control/lots of exercise Start Date: september 24, 2008	i'm in the same boat as you i have tobabysit til 6 BOO so yeah hopefully i'll do stuff afterwards

12-14-2006, 09:59 PM	#13
Morgan2281 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 22 Gallery: Morgan2281 Stats: 169.5/166.5/135 WOE: Moderat Carbs Start Date: December 12, 2006	Ok....so today could've gone better but I didn't do too horribly. Breakfast = granola bar (we didn't have any fruit but I bought some today) Lunch = salad Snack = baby puffs Dinner = sushi So overall I didn't do very good with the carbs but I didn't have that many calories. I didn't get to excercise because my parents took me out shopping for Christmas presents which was kinda hard to do since I only needed there gifts lol. Tomorrow is go much better. I was 169.5 this morning and I don't want to hit 170 so I'm going to work harder.

12-14-2006, 10:02 PM	#14
basketbalhotty22 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: WI Posts: 1,083 Gallery: basketbalhotty22 Stats: Working my way to a healthier, thinner me WOE: Healthy/Portion Control/lots of exercise Start Date: september 24, 2008	keep it up morgan.. saturday and sunday i work from 11-4 either, lets workout before those times or after-->i'd prefer before to get it overwith..and plus, its nice to get it done in the morning..wanna? one day i'll be your guest at the Y and the next you can be mine

12-14-2006, 10:05 PM	#15
Morgan2281 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 22 Gallery: Morgan2281 Stats: 169.5/166.5/135 WOE: Moderat Carbs Start Date: December 12, 2006	Ok. That sounds good. Lets go in the morning and get it done with. I would prefer that. I'll talk to you tomorrow in German about it.

12-14-2006, 10:08 PM	#16
basketbalhotty22 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: WI Posts: 1,083 Gallery: basketbalhotty22 Stats: Working my way to a healthier, thinner me WOE: Healthy/Portion Control/lots of exercise Start Date: september 24, 2008	7 Day Challenge... join that ..i created it

12-16-2006, 12:06 AM	#17
Morgan2281 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 22 Gallery: Morgan2281 Stats: 169.5/166.5/135 WOE: Moderat Carbs Start Date: December 12, 2006	Ok...so today started out kinda sucky since I gained half a pound and reached that dreaded 170. Unfortunately that discouraged me a little and I didn't have the healthiest lunch but I didn't eat dinner and ran 1.5 miles to make up for it. Then I went to the best concert EVER!!! Gym Class Heros, Boys like Girls, The Format, Motion City Soundtrack, and my favorite All-American Rejects. Seriously, I think I got more of a workout at the concert than I did when I ran today. I was drenched with sweat. This is how said my feelings about my weight are...I didn't want to crowd surf because I didn't want people feeling my fat. I really need to get me weight under control and enjoy life.

12-16-2006, 12:13 AM	#18
Morgan2281 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 22 Gallery: Morgan2281 Stats: 169.5/166.5/135 WOE: Moderat Carbs Start Date: December 12, 2006	Oh and now I also have some more inspiration. I am doing the Polar Plunge on February 18. It might be a school event so like my whole school would see me in a bikini. I would like to look skinny for that. In case any of you don't know the Polar Plunge is when they cut a hole in the ice and then everyone jumps in the ice cold water to raise money for the Special Olympics.

12-16-2006, 09:58 PM	#19
Morgan2281 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 22 Gallery: Morgan2281 Stats: 169.5/166.5/135 WOE: Moderat Carbs Start Date: December 12, 2006	OK..so today when I got on the scale I lost 3.5 pounds!!! All in one day. I know it's just because I didn't eat dinner last night and I lost a bunch of water weight from the concert so I'll gain some back tomorrow but it still felt really good. It really motivated me to do well. Today I had an omelet and then we baked our annual Christmas cookies. I tasted the dough a few times but I never had a full cookie. I know cookie dough is NOT on my diet but it's a once a year thing and I did well all day besides for that. I didn't have time to work out a lot today but I did manage to get one mile in. I know that isn't far but it keeps me on track. I'll check back in tomorrow!

12-17-2006, 02:05 PM	#20
Morgan2281 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 22 Gallery: Morgan2281 Stats: 169.5/166.5/135 WOE: Moderat Carbs Start Date: December 12, 2006	Today I gained back 2 pounds out of the 3.5 that I lost last night but I'm not too upset because of the cirmustances in which I had lost 3.5. I had a salad today and thats it. I'm going to try to just leave it at that but I might have to have a little more later on. I think I'm getting sick...ugh. Like my throat hurts and stuff. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

12-19-2006, 09:27 PM	#21
Morgan2281 Junior LCF Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 22 Gallery: Morgan2281 Stats: 169.5/166.5/135 WOE: Moderat Carbs Start Date: December 12, 2006	Ok....I've been a little sick the last few days and my eating hasn't been the best as it could've been but I'm feeling better now and I'm back on track. My goal was to be 165 by Friday. I 2 days to lose 2 pounds...crunch time! I wasn't going to exercise today because I have a big paper to write but I was watching the Victoria's Secret fashion show and their bodies totally inspired me to go run so I ran today. It was a little hard because I've been sick but I got through it. I'm hoping to get up tomorrow morning and exercise again but I'm not sure because I might be up late writing this paper.

12-20-2006, 04:25 AM	#22
basketbalhotty22 MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: WI Posts: 1,083 Gallery: basketbalhotty22 Stats: Working my way to a healthier, thinner me WOE: Healthy/Portion Control/lots of exercise Start Date: september 24, 2008	mo-i'm proud of you good job see, keep that motivation you only spent like max 30min working out..definitely wasnt 30min wasted then you could focus on your paper good job keep it up