My OWL to goal journal

daisymaiz · 12-06-2006, 08:36 AM

OK I have never done this before, but have heard it is helpful, so will give it a try! Today I am starting OWL for the second time since 11/1. I lost weight on Atkins a few years ago, fell off, blah blah blah, had a baby, and have had a really rough bumpy road getting back on. So now I'm ON and I can't fall off again. I have not technically done a "clean" straight 14-day induction, but I am in ketosis and I only have about 11-12 pounds left to lose, so I figure I better start adding carbs back in so that I relearn how to do this for life.
Wow this is really weird, I feel like I'm talking to myself but at the same time conscious that other people might be reading it...weird.
Anyway, this morning the scale said 126.2. I want to weigh 115. I'm short and pear-shaped. But, as I have posted in other places, I am much more concerned about my behavior than my weight. I am a compulsive overeater and when I binge, I often purge as well.

I have done this since I was 12. Did it all through high school, in college I did it once in a while but for the most part it went away. After my first baby (who's now 6) I was under a lot of stress a lot of the time and the bingeing was back, though I usually didn't purge. Then I discovered Atkins for the first time.

Once I got going, I couldn't believe how amazing I felt. That is the only time in my life that I can remember where I didn't binge or want to. So why did I fall off? And why have I had such a hard time getting back on? I don't know. I can identify most of my triggers for bingeing, but for some reason I cannot answer those two questions. But, I know what will work for me, therefore I NEED TO DO IT!!! No more bs. DO IT!!!
Wow I rambled on for a while. So, this is my place to keep track. I will try to update every day, but that may not always be possible. If it's not, I will go back and record my weight and carbs for the days I missed.
So today:
weight: 126.2
bmi: 23
breakfast: 1 oz. string cheese (.8 nc)
10 slices pepperoni (1.6 nc)
total nc so far: 2.4
oh I forgot to mention I plan to have 25-30 net carbs every day this week and see how that goes. The majority of those will have to come at night, because I don't have a lot of time in the mornings and don't have much choice at lunchtime...I keep a bag of string cheese in the fridge at work and that is usually what I have for lunch.

daisymaiz · 12-06-2006, 08:49 AM

I should also keep track of my exercising in here....so far today-NOTHING

I need to start getting up earlier so I can get on the treadmill before I go to work, that's the only time that really works....it's hard though!
But I really don't see the point of being skinny if I'm still out of shape.

daisymaiz · 12-06-2006, 03:07 PM

Lunch:
pork roast (yeah)-0
lettuce-1.4
cheese-.2
total nc so far:4.0

daisymaiz · 12-06-2006, 09:17 PM

Net carbs for today: 22.2
Problem-and I remember this from last time-I was not hungry tonight but had to eat something in order to get my net carbs up to 20-25. I ate extra cheese and walnuts. Nothing bad about them, but I don't like the idea of eating for any reason besides hunger-that's what got me into trouble in the first place. I will have to plan better to spread them out throughout the day. I guess once I can add some fruit that will help too, but I don't think I'm ready for that yet.

daisymaiz · 12-07-2006, 05:54 AM

This morning-126.2

Maybe this is why I stopped weighing every day?
TOM is coming so I'm not going to change anything until that passes.

daisymaiz · 12-07-2006, 08:32 AM

OK good thing I am keeping a journal. At first I thought my weight was up from yesterday, but it's actually.....the same

I guess I can live with that.

daisymaiz · 12-08-2006, 07:33 AM

Total net carbs yesterday: 22.6
Weight this morning: 127.2

but like I said TOM is coming. I have not weighed myself daily and kept track in the past so I am not sure exactly when I should expect the monthly water gain, but I know I get it. I feel good this morning and am wearing jeans I could not wear a month ago.
I did well last night, dd and I met some friends for pizza-a challenge, especially after the crappy day I had at work. I ate two pieces of "pizza skin," (the cheese and pepperoni of the top) and the comments of "what are you doing," "don't starve yourself," etc. didn't even bother me. DD was coloring with my friends' DD so I don't think she was paying attention. I did cut the pizza and eat a little bit at a time, leaving little cut up pieces of crust on my plate-I think that made it a little less noticeable what I was doing- but still-there were comments and they didn't bother me. This is a first.

daisymaiz · 12-08-2006, 12:21 PM

Breakfast-peanuts (3.8 nc)
1/2 oz. string cheese (.4 nc)
Lunch- 2 oz. string cheese (1.6 nc)
Diet Coke

Total nc so far: 5.8

I am still very upset with a coworker....every time I see her I want to tell her to shut up and that she does not know everything (apparently she is not aware of this). I am tired of her second guessing everything I do, especially when it comes to situations that she knows next to nothing about. I know what I need to do-let it go. I know that I am good at my job. I know that I am intelligent and capable of making good decisions. I know that I did make the right decision on the situation in question and that my supervisors trusted my judgment.....maybe that's what she's upset about/jealous?? At any rate, I will NOT let this turn into a Friday afternoon binge that spreads into the weekend. It's just not worth it.

daisymaiz · 12-09-2006, 06:37 AM

Total net carbs yesterday 12/8/06: 25.9
a little high, but I didn't have anything I shouldn't have and it will still average out OK for the week. TOM is here this morning and I could tell last night by the way I was eating-snack, snack, snack.A weird thing happened though, I was kinda craving sugar but when I saw the ice cream in the freezer I thought "don't really want that." Cool.
Weight this morning: 126.8. That's OK.

daisymaiz · 12-10-2006, 06:02 AM

Net carbs yesterday 12/08/06: 24.0
Weight this morning: 128.0

I have not cheated, but I need to figure out what is going wrong because I know I lose at this level
I have not been exercising much because I have had a bad cold. It is getting better. I could do the Pilates today and I better get on the treadmill tonight or tomorrow morning.
I had too much Diet Coke and not enough water yesterday. That plus TOM = bloated and gross.

I will do better today.

daisymaiz · 12-11-2006, 08:55 AM

Net carbs yesterday 12/10/06: 20.9
Weight this morning: 127.0
What a relief. I wonder if more will come off after this TOM or if that's just where I'm at. I still feel really bloated. I think I will try to add some fruit this week, because it's hard to get the carb count up where it needs to be without eating too many calories. I don't like the veggies that much. Maybe if I tried harder I would learn to like them?
So I think I figured out the real reason I wanted chocolate so bad last night, and it's silly. The way dh came home reminded me of the way he would bring me candy after ds was born. It was the same time of night, he was gone for about the same amount of time, and the way he walked in with the bag, I don't know. Either it reminded me of that happy time, or it had just become a habit and I was triggered to repeat it last night. What really matters is-I BEAT IT!! I don't think I would have resisted a month ago or even a couple of weeks ago. I did it because I stopped and thought about it first.

daisymaiz · 12-12-2006, 02:47 PM

Weight this morning: 127.4

My net carbs yesterday were around 20-21, I don't remember the exact number and I don't have my little book with me.
Even though the weight isn't coming off the way I would like it to right now, I am happy that I have made it 10 days, that my clothes are fitting good, and that I have made it through two difficult, trigger filled days without bingeing. More on that later...gotta go for now.

daisymaiz · 12-13-2006, 08:47 AM

total net carbs from 12/11/06 was 19.3
total net carbs yesterday 12/12/06: 25.8

Weight this morning: 125.4

now I feel better. TOM is about over.

Since I spent a week at 20-25 net carbs and lost, I'm going to bump it up starting today. I'm going to try going up to 30-35. I know on OWL you are supposed to move up only 5 g per day at a time, but since I only have 10 lbs left to lose I want to figure out my CCFL and CCFM before I reach that goal, so I can maintain for life this time. Like I said before, this is IT!!!
I am very proud of the week I have had. I almost gave in to chocolate on Sunday night, not only did I NOT eat it, I figured out where the feeling came from and talked my way through it. I didn't hold onto it and binge later, which I could have easily done Monday morning.
Monday was a great day, until I came home and had a bomb dropped on me....huge stress trigger. I know that when DH told me the news I did eat peanuts right away, and it was a compulsive behavior, but I did measure them and didn't overeat, so I'm counting that as a victory. Even better, that I went shopping right afterward, by myself, and didn't buy any junk food or eat anything in the car. I felt like it, but I didn't, and I felt so much better by the time I got home.

daisymaiz · 12-13-2006, 08:54 AM

Challenge for this morning: BOX OF DONUTS!! Why do I always want to binge every time I see stupid donuts? When I really got to thinking about it, I couldn't think of a good reason I wanted one, but I still did. Thinking about the taste of them wasn't even all that appealing. But still I wanted one. WTH?
They were a common binge sneak eating item for me, going waaay back....must be just another learned behavior...see donut, EAT!! Need to reprogram.

I feel really good in these jeans!

daisymaiz · 12-13-2006, 10:11 PM

So I am at the end of day 12, which means I have now made it further than I did in November. What is going to keep me from blowing it again?
The longer I do this, the easier and more normal it feels.
The longer I do this, the more I can't understand why I wasn't doing it before.
I am starting to remember how good I felt a few years ago. It needs to last this time.
This is a lifestyle change, however I can't predict the future or plan out my entire life. I need to continue to take it one day at a time, one decision at a time.

I did awesome today. A year ago or even a month ago I would have eaten those stupid donuts. That would have led to a binge. I was close today, but I stopped it from happening.

That feels much better than eating donuts.

daisymaiz · 12-14-2006, 07:01 AM

Beginning day 13........

Weight this morning: 125.0

I have the day off so I need to exercise and clean house!!!

daisymaiz · 12-15-2006, 10:50 AM

Weight this morning: 126.0

Up a whole pound in one day? People on here are saying that is normal, and really it does seem silly to be freaking over one pound, but......I still kind of am. I think this is why I stopped weighing myself every day. So, since I started OWL on a Wednesday, Wednesday will be my official "weigh in" day. I think I will still weigh myself more than once a week, but the Wednesday weights will be the ones that count. So...

12/06: 126.2

12/13: 125.4

Not a huge loss, but a loss. I only have about 10 pounds left to lose so maybe I need to relax.
From now on, on Wednesdays I will try to remember to put my weight in a different color, so when I scroll through it will be easier to see the changes from week to week.

daisymaiz · 12-16-2006, 09:52 AM

Weight this morning: 126.4

Then....CHEAT!! OK let's be honest-BINGE! SNEAK! SNEAK SOME MORE!! Now I feel horrible. Physically I have a headache and my stomach hurts. I feel like purging but I'm not going to. I've already broken one promise to myself why break another one. Emotionally, I feel like a complete failure. I feel like an idiot. I mean, I have learned so much about why I binge and how to stop a binge from happening, I was really at a place where I was not having cravings, but still I did it. I feel sad and mad and disappointed with myself. But strangely I don't feel like giving up today. So enough of this, time to learn from it and move on.
What have I learned?
No matter how many cheat free days I manage to string together, I CANNOT ease up. I need to take my supplements first thing in the morning. When I see something tempting, I need to think "why" before, not after. I still cannot have "Just one cookie." I should have known that.
I ate sugar free candy yesterday and I think that was a mistake. My behavior is a bigger problem for me than my weight. So eating something that I know is not healthy, in the car, by myself, compulsively, telling myself "I need it" because I've had a bad day, is NOT justifiable, whether it is sugar-free, low carb or not! I did not binge on it.....I think the behavior of sneak eating it triggered the same behavior this morning, only this morning I could not stop because I was eating real sugar, which I am unfortunately addicted to.
Plan: I am going to have a cup of coffee and pretend I just woke up and it is a new day. NO "I've ruined the day so I'll start over tomorrow." Starting over now. Today and tomorrow: meat, cheese, and eggs if I get bored. Starting Monday, if I'm in ketosis: Atkins OWL BY THE BOOK. Meaning 25 net carbs per day, starting by adding more vegetables. I need to either learn to like them, or suffer through this week knowing that better things are coming. I will weigh myself in the morning because I just don't even want to know right now. From now on, the Sunday weight is the one that will "count."

Refocus, refocus, refocus. No quitting or taking a break.

daisymaiz · 12-17-2006, 07:45 AM

Weight this morning: 128.0

I did this to myself. I did it because I was mad that I weighed 126.4 yesterday. I handled that completely wrong and now look where I am. I feel so frustrated and disappointed in myself. I feel completely gross and bloated and I have a headache. I feel like none of my clothes are going to fit, which they probably won't because my stomach is bloated and puffed out like a balloon. On top of everything else, I drank way too much soda and not enough water yesterday.
I was rereading parts of DANDR yesterday. I have an intolerance to sugar. It makes me feel good for a while but then

So it's kinda dumb that I'm totally craving sugar right now because I know it would make my headache go away. Just two days ago, I was so happy that I was not having cravings like that and that I could pass up donuts and whatever else.....at the moment I can't even remember what that felt like. I'm glad I'm staying home today because it will be easier, there's nothing here that really tempts me right now....just hope dh doesn't want to get groceries today because that will be a challenge. I can't start over tomorrow. That would set me back even further. I must do it right now. Right now.

daisymaiz · 12-17-2006, 07:46 AM

I was going to take the "cheat free" line out of my signature for now, but no. I did it, now I need to own up to it. I can't be this open about my problem anywhere else. If I'm not honest when I come here, I won't get the help and support that I obviously need.

daisymaiz · 12-17-2006, 10:10 PM

I did OK today. I say OK because, while I didn't cheat, my thinking was not good. I was thinking excuses I could use to leave the house so I could go buy donuts. But, I didn't. And there were other things here I could have eaten too, if I really wanted to cheat, but I didn't. I think I need to focus on that.
I am having horrible cravings today and that makes me angry, because they are about 900 times worse than they were the other day and I know the reason why.
Thoughts for tonight:
1. Focus on the positive. I DID NOT CHEAT TODAY. I ate eggs, cheese, meat, and one salad. I drank a lot of water. I should be feeling better tomorrow.
2. No more procrastinating. No more "well I'll just start over tomorrow" I have procrastinated my way into 3 years of feeling bad. Stop it. Do it NOW.

daisymaiz · 12-18-2006, 08:24 AM

Still craving sweets....

I am also very hungry right now, it's only 9 am and I did eat breakfast. All I brought to work for lunch is one piece of string cheese, which is usually enough, but right now I am starving. I am still getting that evil little thought in my head, which is telling me to just eat whatever today and start over again tomorrow. Why do I want to do that after getting through yesterday, as hard as that was? Is it worth feeling like crap for two days, just to eat some junk food that isn't good for me anyway? Saturday night I reread the part of DANDR where he talks about how yoyo dieting ruins your metabolism. That thought really gets to me. I think I need to read it again tonight and take notes, so I can carry them with me for easy reference.
Now I found out that I will have to do some driving for work tomorrow, which is a trigger. I need to be strong and get through today so hopefully tomorrow I won't be craving sugar as much.
No, I don't need to be strong, I already am strong. I need to use my strengths and work to my potential. I need to continue to believe that I can do it NOW.

daisymaiz · 12-18-2006, 02:59 PM

Sitting at my desk, completely bored, ready to go home but waiting for my ride.....there are 3 Reese's peanut butter Christmas tree things in my desk drawer. I am tempted to eat them but I know I shouldn't.
Why do I want to eat them?
-I am hungry because I cheated on Saturday and the amount of food I usually eat for breakfast and lunch doesn't fill me up like it does when I am in ketosis So why would you want to start that cycle all over again. If you get through today, tomorrow will be better. If not, it will be worse.
-I am completely bored Not a good reason to eat candy. You will still be bored. Find something else to do.
-I bought them as a gift but no one knows that, therefore no one would know if I ate them. YOU would know you ate them. That's the worst part of it, the way you make yourself feel. Do you trust yourself to just eat them and then be done for the day (or week or month)? Because if not, everyone will see that you have been cheating when you gain weight and have to wear the ugly jeans again.
-I could just eat them and then start over again tomorrow. NO MORE PROCRASTINATING! How many times have you said it? You have been "starting over tomorrow" for three years! Knock it off and DO IT RIGHT!!

daisymaiz · 12-18-2006, 03:04 PM

Reasons to NOT eat the candy:
I have done very well yesterday and today and don't want to mess it up.
Sugar is very very bad for you.
I know I won't be at my goal weight by Christmas like I wanted, but I can be close. But not by eating candy.
I am looking forward to the roasted chicken I'm planning to have tonight. I won't enjoy it half as much if I ruin it by having sugar first.
If I eat it, I'll just want more. If I leave it alone, that feeling will fade away.
I CAN DO IT!

daisymaiz · 12-19-2006, 08:05 PM

I am so tempted to binge right now.....
Why? STRESS!! Today has been a bad day.
I have done well so far, so why am I tempted to ruin a perfectly good day right before I go to bed? There will always be bad days. Don't I like the feeling I get after a night like tonight, when things are better and I have not made them worse? Don't I like that I am wearing my smaller clothes to work and people are noticing this?
I have been fighting this all night, since about 5:00. I don't want to give in to it, but in a way, it's like I kind of do want to?? I don't know, it's so weird. If anyone is reading this and knows what I am talking about, please don't be shy, because I feel like a big freak right now! I know what I want for myself and what I need to do....but still I keep thinking "well I can just do it one more time. Just one more time." Who am I kidding? I have said "just one more time" OVER and OVER and OVER, yet here I am.....
I have done well all day today.
I tried broccoli and I liked it! (a first)
I already have clothes picked out for tomorrow and Thursday and don't want to bloat up so I can't fit into them.
It will be much easier to get my ass out of bed in the morning and get on the treadmill if I don't have sugar hangover.

daisymaiz · 12-19-2006, 09:42 PM

I did it!!

Got through the day. One step at a time, one decision at a time.
I almost gave in, I looked at the candy and cookies for a long time, it was like I really wanted them and had to have them, but at the same time, I was..scared of them or something...weird. Anyway, it worked. I'm one step closer.

daisymaiz · 12-20-2006, 09:39 AM

Things are going well. I did weigh myself this morning, but from now on I will only post my weight on Sundays. That is the one that counts. Learning from my mistakes.
I am doing better with the cravings today. I just wish that I could stop thinking about them, I think that would help a lot. Like even when I am not craving sugar, I am thinking about how great it is that I am not craving sugar. I wish I could just FORGET IT altogether. I'm worried that always thinking about whether or not I want it is going to lead to cravings as soon as something goes wrong. But, for now I don't so that is good. Actually, the thought of eating sugar right now makes me feel kinda gross. Yeah!

daisymaiz · 12-20-2006, 12:47 PM

I have not cheated yet, but I keep getting tempted to just say the hell with it and start over after Christmas. I have no idea why. That is exactly what I said that I would NOT do this year. And if I do it, I know my pattern..."after Christmas" will become "New Year's Day," which will become "February 1," which will become "after Valentine's Day," and so on. So I need to forget that and continue with what I am doing.
I really cannot think of any specific reason I want to eat sugar right now. Just because it is there. That is not a good reason. It is not worth it. It probably wouldn't even taste that good at this point. AND THEN I WOULD HAVE TO START ALL OVER! AGAIN!!!

12-06-2006, 08:36 AM	#1
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	My OWL to goal journal OK I have never done this before, but have heard it is helpful, so will give it a try! Today I am starting OWL for the second time since 11/1. I lost weight on Atkins a few years ago, fell off, blah blah blah, had a baby, and have had a really rough bumpy road getting back on. So now I'm ON and I can't fall off again. I have not technically done a "clean" straight 14-day induction, but I am in ketosis and I only have about 11-12 pounds left to lose, so I figure I better start adding carbs back in so that I relearn how to do this for life. Wow this is really weird, I feel like I'm talking to myself but at the same time conscious that other people might be reading it...weird. Anyway, this morning the scale said 126.2. I want to weigh 115. I'm short and pear-shaped. But, as I have posted in other places, I am much more concerned about my behavior than my weight. I am a compulsive overeater and when I binge, I often purge as well. I have done this since I was 12. Did it all through high school, in college I did it once in a while but for the most part it went away. After my first baby (who's now 6) I was under a lot of stress a lot of the time and the bingeing was back, though I usually didn't purge. Then I discovered Atkins for the first time. Once I got going, I couldn't believe how amazing I felt. That is the only time in my life that I can remember where I didn't binge or want to. So why did I fall off? And why have I had such a hard time getting back on? I don't know. I can identify most of my triggers for bingeing, but for some reason I cannot answer those two questions. But, I know what will work for me, therefore I NEED TO DO IT!!! No more bs. DO IT!!! Wow I rambled on for a while. So, this is my place to keep track. I will try to update every day, but that may not always be possible. If it's not, I will go back and record my weight and carbs for the days I missed. So today: weight: 126.2 bmi: 23 breakfast: 1 oz. string cheese (.8 nc) 10 slices pepperoni (1.6 nc) total nc so far: 2.4 oh I forgot to mention I plan to have 25-30 net carbs every day this week and see how that goes. The majority of those will have to come at night, because I don't have a lot of time in the mornings and don't have much choice at lunchtime...I keep a bag of string cheese in the fridge at work and that is usually what I have for lunch.

12-06-2006, 08:49 AM	#2
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	I should also keep track of my exercising in here....so far today-NOTHING I need to start getting up earlier so I can get on the treadmill before I go to work, that's the only time that really works....it's hard though! But I really don't see the point of being skinny if I'm still out of shape.

12-06-2006, 03:07 PM	#3
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	Lunch: pork roast (yeah)-0 lettuce-1.4 cheese-.2 total nc so far:4.0

12-06-2006, 09:17 PM	#4
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	Net carbs for today: 22.2 Problem-and I remember this from last time-I was not hungry tonight but had to eat something in order to get my net carbs up to 20-25. I ate extra cheese and walnuts. Nothing bad about them, but I don't like the idea of eating for any reason besides hunger-that's what got me into trouble in the first place. I will have to plan better to spread them out throughout the day. I guess once I can add some fruit that will help too, but I don't think I'm ready for that yet.

12-07-2006, 05:54 AM	#5
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	This morning-126.2 Maybe this is why I stopped weighing every day? TOM is coming so I'm not going to change anything until that passes.

12-07-2006, 08:32 AM	#6
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	OK good thing I am keeping a journal. At first I thought my weight was up from yesterday, but it's actually.....the same I guess I can live with that.

12-08-2006, 07:33 AM	#7
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	Total net carbs yesterday: 22.6 Weight this morning: 127.2 but like I said TOM is coming. I have not weighed myself daily and kept track in the past so I am not sure exactly when I should expect the monthly water gain, but I know I get it. I feel good this morning and am wearing jeans I could not wear a month ago. I did well last night, dd and I met some friends for pizza-a challenge, especially after the crappy day I had at work. I ate two pieces of "pizza skin," (the cheese and pepperoni of the top) and the comments of "what are you doing," "don't starve yourself," etc. didn't even bother me. DD was coloring with my friends' DD so I don't think she was paying attention. I did cut the pizza and eat a little bit at a time, leaving little cut up pieces of crust on my plate-I think that made it a little less noticeable what I was doing- but still-there were comments and they didn't bother me. This is a first.

12-08-2006, 12:21 PM	#8
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	Breakfast-peanuts (3.8 nc) 1/2 oz. string cheese (.4 nc) Lunch- 2 oz. string cheese (1.6 nc) Diet Coke Total nc so far: 5.8 I am still very upset with a coworker....every time I see her I want to tell her to shut up and that she does not know everything (apparently she is not aware of this). I am tired of her second guessing everything I do, especially when it comes to situations that she knows next to nothing about. I know what I need to do-let it go. I know that I am good at my job. I know that I am intelligent and capable of making good decisions. I know that I did make the right decision on the situation in question and that my supervisors trusted my judgment.....maybe that's what she's upset about/jealous?? At any rate, I will NOT let this turn into a Friday afternoon binge that spreads into the weekend. It's just not worth it.

12-09-2006, 06:37 AM	#9
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	Total net carbs yesterday 12/8/06: 25.9 a little high, but I didn't have anything I shouldn't have and it will still average out OK for the week. TOM is here this morning and I could tell last night by the way I was eating-snack, snack, snack.A weird thing happened though, I was kinda craving sugar but when I saw the ice cream in the freezer I thought "don't really want that." Cool. Weight this morning: 126.8. That's OK.

12-10-2006, 06:02 AM	#10
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	Net carbs yesterday 12/08/06: 24.0 Weight this morning: 128.0 I have not cheated, but I need to figure out what is going wrong because I know I lose at this level I have not been exercising much because I have had a bad cold. It is getting better. I could do the Pilates today and I better get on the treadmill tonight or tomorrow morning. I had too much Diet Coke and not enough water yesterday. That plus TOM = bloated and gross. I will do better today.

12-11-2006, 08:55 AM	#11
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	Net carbs yesterday 12/10/06: 20.9 Weight this morning: 127.0 What a relief. I wonder if more will come off after this TOM or if that's just where I'm at. I still feel really bloated. I think I will try to add some fruit this week, because it's hard to get the carb count up where it needs to be without eating too many calories. I don't like the veggies that much. Maybe if I tried harder I would learn to like them? So I think I figured out the real reason I wanted chocolate so bad last night, and it's silly. The way dh came home reminded me of the way he would bring me candy after ds was born. It was the same time of night, he was gone for about the same amount of time, and the way he walked in with the bag, I don't know. Either it reminded me of that happy time, or it had just become a habit and I was triggered to repeat it last night. What really matters is-I BEAT IT!! I don't think I would have resisted a month ago or even a couple of weeks ago. I did it because I stopped and thought about it first.

12-12-2006, 02:47 PM	#12
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	Weight this morning: 127.4 My net carbs yesterday were around 20-21, I don't remember the exact number and I don't have my little book with me. Even though the weight isn't coming off the way I would like it to right now, I am happy that I have made it 10 days, that my clothes are fitting good, and that I have made it through two difficult, trigger filled days without bingeing. More on that later...gotta go for now.

12-13-2006, 08:47 AM	#13
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	total net carbs from 12/11/06 was 19.3 total net carbs yesterday 12/12/06: 25.8 Weight this morning: 125.4 now I feel better. TOM is about over. Since I spent a week at 20-25 net carbs and lost, I'm going to bump it up starting today. I'm going to try going up to 30-35. I know on OWL you are supposed to move up only 5 g per day at a time, but since I only have 10 lbs left to lose I want to figure out my CCFL and CCFM before I reach that goal, so I can maintain for life this time. Like I said before, this is IT!!! I am very proud of the week I have had. I almost gave in to chocolate on Sunday night, not only did I NOT eat it, I figured out where the feeling came from and talked my way through it. I didn't hold onto it and binge later, which I could have easily done Monday morning. Monday was a great day, until I came home and had a bomb dropped on me....huge stress trigger. I know that when DH told me the news I did eat peanuts right away, and it was a compulsive behavior, but I did measure them and didn't overeat, so I'm counting that as a victory. Even better, that I went shopping right afterward, by myself, and didn't buy any junk food or eat anything in the car. I felt like it, but I didn't, and I felt so much better by the time I got home.

12-13-2006, 08:54 AM	#14
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	Challenge for this morning: BOX OF DONUTS!! Why do I always want to binge every time I see stupid donuts? When I really got to thinking about it, I couldn't think of a good reason I wanted one, but I still did. Thinking about the taste of them wasn't even all that appealing. But still I wanted one. WTH? They were a common binge sneak eating item for me, going waaay back....must be just another learned behavior...see donut, EAT!! Need to reprogram. I feel really good in these jeans!

12-13-2006, 10:11 PM	#15
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	So I am at the end of day 12, which means I have now made it further than I did in November. What is going to keep me from blowing it again? The longer I do this, the easier and more normal it feels. The longer I do this, the more I can't understand why I wasn't doing it before. I am starting to remember how good I felt a few years ago. It needs to last this time. This is a lifestyle change, however I can't predict the future or plan out my entire life. I need to continue to take it one day at a time, one decision at a time. I did awesome today. A year ago or even a month ago I would have eaten those stupid donuts. That would have led to a binge. I was close today, but I stopped it from happening. That feels much better than eating donuts.

12-14-2006, 07:01 AM	#16
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	Beginning day 13........ Weight this morning: 125.0 I have the day off so I need to exercise and clean house!!!

12-15-2006, 10:50 AM	#17
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	Weight this morning: 126.0 Up a whole pound in one day? People on here are saying that is normal, and really it does seem silly to be freaking over one pound, but......I still kind of am. I think this is why I stopped weighing myself every day. So, since I started OWL on a Wednesday, Wednesday will be my official "weigh in" day. I think I will still weigh myself more than once a week, but the Wednesday weights will be the ones that count. So... 12/06: 126.2 12/13: 125.4 Not a huge loss, but a loss. I only have about 10 pounds left to lose so maybe I need to relax. From now on, on Wednesdays I will try to remember to put my weight in a different color, so when I scroll through it will be easier to see the changes from week to week.

12-16-2006, 09:52 AM	#18
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	Weight this morning: 126.4 Then....CHEAT!! OK let's be honest-BINGE! SNEAK! SNEAK SOME MORE!! Now I feel horrible. Physically I have a headache and my stomach hurts. I feel like purging but I'm not going to. I've already broken one promise to myself why break another one. Emotionally, I feel like a complete failure. I feel like an idiot. I mean, I have learned so much about why I binge and how to stop a binge from happening, I was really at a place where I was not having cravings, but still I did it. I feel sad and mad and disappointed with myself. But strangely I don't feel like giving up today. So enough of this, time to learn from it and move on. What have I learned? No matter how many cheat free days I manage to string together, I CANNOT ease up. I need to take my supplements first thing in the morning. When I see something tempting, I need to think "why" before, not after. I still cannot have "Just one cookie." I should have known that. I ate sugar free candy yesterday and I think that was a mistake. My behavior is a bigger problem for me than my weight. So eating something that I know is not healthy, in the car, by myself, compulsively, telling myself "I need it" because I've had a bad day, is NOT justifiable, whether it is sugar-free, low carb or not! I did not binge on it.....I think the behavior of sneak eating it triggered the same behavior this morning, only this morning I could not stop because I was eating real sugar, which I am unfortunately addicted to. Plan: I am going to have a cup of coffee and pretend I just woke up and it is a new day. NO "I've ruined the day so I'll start over tomorrow." Starting over now. Today and tomorrow: meat, cheese, and eggs if I get bored. Starting Monday, if I'm in ketosis: Atkins OWL BY THE BOOK. Meaning 25 net carbs per day, starting by adding more vegetables. I need to either learn to like them, or suffer through this week knowing that better things are coming. I will weigh myself in the morning because I just don't even want to know right now. From now on, the Sunday weight is the one that will "count." Refocus, refocus, refocus. No quitting or taking a break.

12-17-2006, 07:45 AM	#19
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	Weight this morning: 128.0 I did this to myself. I did it because I was mad that I weighed 126.4 yesterday. I handled that completely wrong and now look where I am. I feel so frustrated and disappointed in myself. I feel completely gross and bloated and I have a headache. I feel like none of my clothes are going to fit, which they probably won't because my stomach is bloated and puffed out like a balloon. On top of everything else, I drank way too much soda and not enough water yesterday. I was rereading parts of DANDR yesterday. I have an intolerance to sugar. It makes me feel good for a while but then So it's kinda dumb that I'm totally craving sugar right now because I know it would make my headache go away. Just two days ago, I was so happy that I was not having cravings like that and that I could pass up donuts and whatever else.....at the moment I can't even remember what that felt like. I'm glad I'm staying home today because it will be easier, there's nothing here that really tempts me right now....just hope dh doesn't want to get groceries today because that will be a challenge. I can't start over tomorrow. That would set me back even further. I must do it right now. Right now.

12-17-2006, 07:46 AM	#20
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	I was going to take the "cheat free" line out of my signature for now, but no. I did it, now I need to own up to it. I can't be this open about my problem anywhere else. If I'm not honest when I come here, I won't get the help and support that I obviously need.

12-17-2006, 10:10 PM	#21
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	I did OK today. I say OK because, while I didn't cheat, my thinking was not good. I was thinking excuses I could use to leave the house so I could go buy donuts. But, I didn't. And there were other things here I could have eaten too, if I really wanted to cheat, but I didn't. I think I need to focus on that. I am having horrible cravings today and that makes me angry, because they are about 900 times worse than they were the other day and I know the reason why. Thoughts for tonight: 1. Focus on the positive. I DID NOT CHEAT TODAY. I ate eggs, cheese, meat, and one salad. I drank a lot of water. I should be feeling better tomorrow. 2. No more procrastinating. No more "well I'll just start over tomorrow" I have procrastinated my way into 3 years of feeling bad. Stop it. Do it NOW.

12-18-2006, 08:24 AM	#22
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	Still craving sweets.... I am also very hungry right now, it's only 9 am and I did eat breakfast. All I brought to work for lunch is one piece of string cheese, which is usually enough, but right now I am starving. I am still getting that evil little thought in my head, which is telling me to just eat whatever today and start over again tomorrow. Why do I want to do that after getting through yesterday, as hard as that was? Is it worth feeling like crap for two days, just to eat some junk food that isn't good for me anyway? Saturday night I reread the part of DANDR where he talks about how yoyo dieting ruins your metabolism. That thought really gets to me. I think I need to read it again tonight and take notes, so I can carry them with me for easy reference. Now I found out that I will have to do some driving for work tomorrow, which is a trigger. I need to be strong and get through today so hopefully tomorrow I won't be craving sugar as much. No, I don't need to be strong, I already am strong. I need to use my strengths and work to my potential. I need to continue to believe that I can do it NOW.

12-18-2006, 02:59 PM	#23
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	Sitting at my desk, completely bored, ready to go home but waiting for my ride.....there are 3 Reese's peanut butter Christmas tree things in my desk drawer. I am tempted to eat them but I know I shouldn't. Why do I want to eat them? -I am hungry because I cheated on Saturday and the amount of food I usually eat for breakfast and lunch doesn't fill me up like it does when I am in ketosis So why would you want to start that cycle all over again. If you get through today, tomorrow will be better. If not, it will be worse. -I am completely bored Not a good reason to eat candy. You will still be bored. Find something else to do. -I bought them as a gift but no one knows that, therefore no one would know if I ate them. YOU would know you ate them. That's the worst part of it, the way you make yourself feel. Do you trust yourself to just eat them and then be done for the day (or week or month)? Because if not, everyone will see that you have been cheating when you gain weight and have to wear the ugly jeans again. -I could just eat them and then start over again tomorrow. NO MORE PROCRASTINATING! How many times have you said it? You have been "starting over tomorrow" for three years! Knock it off and DO IT RIGHT!!

12-18-2006, 03:04 PM	#24
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	Reasons to NOT eat the candy: I have done very well yesterday and today and don't want to mess it up. Sugar is very very bad for you. I know I won't be at my goal weight by Christmas like I wanted, but I can be close. But not by eating candy. I am looking forward to the roasted chicken I'm planning to have tonight. I won't enjoy it half as much if I ruin it by having sugar first. If I eat it, I'll just want more. If I leave it alone, that feeling will fade away. I CAN DO IT!

12-19-2006, 08:05 PM	#25
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	I am so tempted to binge right now..... Why? STRESS!! Today has been a bad day. I have done well so far, so why am I tempted to ruin a perfectly good day right before I go to bed? There will always be bad days. Don't I like the feeling I get after a night like tonight, when things are better and I have not made them worse? Don't I like that I am wearing my smaller clothes to work and people are noticing this? I have been fighting this all night, since about 5:00. I don't want to give in to it, but in a way, it's like I kind of do want to?? I don't know, it's so weird. If anyone is reading this and knows what I am talking about, please don't be shy, because I feel like a big freak right now! I know what I want for myself and what I need to do....but still I keep thinking "well I can just do it one more time. Just one more time." Who am I kidding? I have said "just one more time" OVER and OVER and OVER, yet here I am..... I have done well all day today. I tried broccoli and I liked it! (a first) I already have clothes picked out for tomorrow and Thursday and don't want to bloat up so I can't fit into them. It will be much easier to get my ass out of bed in the morning and get on the treadmill if I don't have sugar hangover.

12-19-2006, 09:42 PM	#26
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	I did it!! Got through the day. One step at a time, one decision at a time. I almost gave in, I looked at the candy and cookies for a long time, it was like I really wanted them and had to have them, but at the same time, I was..scared of them or something...weird. Anyway, it worked. I'm one step closer.

12-20-2006, 09:39 AM	#27
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	Things are going well. I did weigh myself this morning, but from now on I will only post my weight on Sundays. That is the one that counts. Learning from my mistakes. I am doing better with the cravings today. I just wish that I could stop thinking about them, I think that would help a lot. Like even when I am not craving sugar, I am thinking about how great it is that I am not craving sugar. I wish I could just FORGET IT altogether. I'm worried that always thinking about whether or not I want it is going to lead to cravings as soon as something goes wrong. But, for now I don't so that is good. Actually, the thought of eating sugar right now makes me feel kinda gross. Yeah!

12-20-2006, 12:47 PM	#28
daisymaiz MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Midwest Posts: 1,375 Gallery: daisymaiz Stats: pregnant! WOE: Atkins maintenance, for now Start Date: will start again after baby!	I have not cheated yet, but I keep getting tempted to just say the hell with it and start over after Christmas. I have no idea why. That is exactly what I said that I would NOT do this year. And if I do it, I know my pattern..."after Christmas" will become "New Year's Day," which will become "February 1," which will become "after Valentine's Day," and so on. So I need to forget that and continue with what I am doing. I really cannot think of any specific reason I want to eat sugar right now. Just because it is there. That is not a good reason. It is not worth it. It probably wouldn't even taste that good at this point. AND THEN I WOULD HAVE TO START ALL OVER! AGAIN!!!