GardenGirl639

[monet0329]

Originally Posted by TaDa!

You know, one thing I do is to feed myself food I really like ... just posted about that in a thread I started over in the Century Club ... but I make a point of eating something sweet for breakfast, and having dessert after each meal. It makes me feel happy with this way of life.

I think people on these boards buy way too much into the idea that losing weight has to be about deprivation ...

I recently discovered the one minute flax muffins that I've been eating after lunch and dinner with tea or coffee. I make them extra sweet and I added ground cloves to the recipe (which also calls for cinnamon) -- they smell so good, my kids want them, lol! I do eat a "product" and Atkins breakfast bar for breakfast - and have done so for the last five years as my body tolerates it and I have found one flavor that I will not binge on ... just don't like it as well as some of the other flavors, lol ...

I guess what I am saying is that you should treat yourself to nice things you enjoy ... maybe doing some research on recipes could help.

Apologies for journal-jacking Elizabeth, but I couldn't help myself



P

I do on the occasion treat my self..lol.. I just can't do it with the surgery good.. kwim.. tonight , I had sf jello and whipped cream.. while watching the biggest looser.. those work out wear me out.. I needed to refuel.... no really.. I just wanted a sweet treat.. I don;t have them daily.. but some dayss... you just gotta....

I like the flax bread recipe I have....I haven't tried the one E shared with me.. I think it was her anyway..lol.. mine is a simple one I got from Lei. ..

ok gonna get off line.. this wind is whippin outside pretty bad.. ..

[TaDa!]

Hi Elizabeth, I hope you are feeling better today and will make it on to the boards to say "Hi". It is brave to have even come in and talked about it last night. Luckily, today is a new day!! and you deserve to be nice to yourself today. Pauline

p.s. Oh sorry Monet, lol!! I hadn't realized you were post-op!!! And, well, being good to yourself on this wol has to extend beyond food anyway! Like the fluffy pink bathrobe I recently bought myself .. I'm wearing it now as I type.

[GardenGirl639]

First, I need to thank all of you for your support. I feel like crying. I have never in my whole life been able to tell anyone that I wanted to binge and a) been accepted and b) been understood. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Second, I need to ask an apology. I realized as I read your responses and then reread my original post that I left off the title which was "I want to binge." I was like a caged animal last night. I was so frenzied and trying to figure out what to do so that I wouldn't binge. I came in here to post my plan. I was typing so fast. Again, I apologize for making you all think that I had indeed binged. It was not intentional.

I need to differentiate between the feelings of wanting to binge and actually bingeing. Right now, just the feelings and desire to binge feel like a failure.

Yesterday, those binge feelings were the strongest that I have felt in over a year. I thought they would overtake me. I wanted to crunch and chomp and gulp. I wanted to eat until my stomach was so full and bloated that I wanted to vomit. I wanted to feel the wave sweep over me as the food hit my blood stream. I wanted to do something physical with all that emotion. I needed to punish myself. Why? For being weak and out of control. For feeling emotions. For not being able to control the situation or my feelings.

As I mentioned, I took my daughter to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. I was already frustrated because, last January, we had tried to save this tooth by doing a pulpotomy (like a root canal) on it. It didn't work and the tooth needed to come out.

I did not realize until yesterday that apparently, dental work is a trigger for me. I had my first root canal at eight. At eleven, I had four teeth pulled for braces. Because my maternal grandfather was dying of terminal colon cancer, my aunt (dad's sister) took me to the dentist to have the teeth pulled. I stayed at her house for the next week. When I got my braces on, I had spikes on the back of my front teeth-top and bottom, leaving my tongue ripped to shreds. I also had a rubber band stretched across the roof of my mouth that cut across the back of my tongue. As an adult, I have had more root canals than I care to remember, crowns, a bridge, teeth pulled and now a partial plate.

If you remember from my posts at the beginning of this year, last January was when I went off plan due to a massive tooth/bone infection. That's actually the polite way of putting it--off plan. I actually left the dentist's office and went to the grocery store, prowling the aisles for just the right binge food. I continued to binge for six months.

This brings me to yesterday. My daughter just looked so pitiful. This is my daughter who is adopted and has attachment issues. I love this little girl more than you can imagine. Everything in me wanted to nurture her and take care of her yesterday. In a split second decision, while driving home from the dentist, I pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store. This is a privately owned family grocery store. I used to go here with my grandma and grandpa (the one who died of colon cancer). My initial thought was to just let her pick out a new Webkinz. Then I decided that she should pick out a Bionicle for her brother. As we were walking, I was thinking about the food that we had at home. We didn't really have any "comfort" food. Nothing really soft. I keep very little ice cream or sweets in my house now. I asked her if she would like to go pick out some ice cream. ( Now, before someone thinks that I am training her to be just like me...needing comfort food....let me explain that she is under the care of a psychologist and this is part of her treatment.) While walking from the toys to the ice cream, the binge monster struck so strongly that I got dizzy. I could see all the food. I remembered prowling these same aisles, picking out my drugs of choice. I quickly had her pick out her ice cream. We paid and drove home, but I knew I was in trouble.

When I got home, I was hungry. It was actually dinner time. I couldn't think and I paced back and forth in the kitchen, opening all the cupboard doors. I looked in the refrigerator several times. I could not think. I wanted binge food, but I knew I didn't want to let the tiger out. So I started to formulate a plan. All I need to do right this instant is prepare an on plan meal. That's it. My daughter was happily watching a movie with her siblings. No other problem needed to be solved....just what to eat. I plopped some green beans, onions, and steak umm into some olive oil. I called a friend and talked to her about nothing while the food was cooking. Then I sat down with my plate in front of the computer and wrote my wild post.

After I ate, I was still consumed with the desire to binge. I knew that it would take awhile for the healthy food to send the right signals to my brain. I changed my clothes and put on my water proof jacket. I went outside in the dark and I walked. Actually, I marched, I trudged, I barreled ahead. I needed to get away from these feelings. I needed to punish myself. And so, instead of using food, I used exercise. I walked for 55 minutes. I was exhausted when I got home, but the out of control emotions had been left lying on some street corner.

I accomplished everything on that list from last night. Let me tell you, it was helpful because I didn't have to think. I just did the next thing.


Today, I feel weak, vulnerable, and fragile.

I think I see what you were trying to tell me last week, Pauline. It's not really over.

So, today, I woke up and immediately took my shower. (day 3) I made myself my usual bacon, onion, cheese omelet. I am on my first cup of coffee. I am here posting.

This morning I woke up to two victories which seem very hollow. I will post them here, but they are not what I am dwelling on and unfortunately are not bringing me the joy they could. I am too bruised. I have stared in the harsh face of reality and do not like it.

I am down to 189. Today marks the first time in eight years that I am in the 180's. It also means that I have lost forty pounds.

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by TaDa!

In my case, I think it is when I start to panic - when i feel I have no control over a situation.

I am great and level-headed in a crisis where solutions are needed and someone needs to take control - take action. You can count on me. But, when there is nothing to be done but put things into the hands of god, so to speak, I cannot be passive and accept, instead I hurt myself with panic and I cope by binge eating. sad, but true.

I binge because I am a control freak? maybe?

This describes me to a tee. It frustrates me because I can be so capable. How can I be so capable in some situations and then totally out of control in others? I am also the "parent" person in my family of origin. I do the planning. I calm the anxieties. I fix the problems. Not my parents--me.

Originally Posted by TaDa!

This last one was about getting scr*wed over twice (financially) by two different sets of people that caused us to lose money and potentially lose 12k a year - a situation that I was helpless to fix ...

I simply had to work 24/7 with the hope that we would get someone to fill the vacancy despite it being the worst time of year, blah blah blah - at the same time dh's work situation seemed a little shaky - he works in a startup, funded by venture capital, is a very valued employee, but when business isn't going well, everyone is at risk (luckily they now seem to be doing very well).

(and the financial thing shouldn't affect me so totally again as I took action and 1. took out a loan I can use should I temporarily need extra funds at any time, 2. Figured out how to live much more frugally should it be necessary again and have trained the family to do without some unnecessaries, 3. Restructured some investments for better yield, and 4. Started saving a lot more money on a daily basis while things are going well.)

I find it interesting that you should bring up finances. That is my next area to work on. We're talking way, way down the road.

If I'm not binge eating, I'm binge spending. I am not one of those people that you see on TV...the one with closets and rooms full of merchandise with the labels still on. I do things like, buy all the kids a new toy. They really don't need a new toy. It's just wasting money. (I see that yesterday's binge feelings started with wanting to buy my daughter something. Hmmmmmm?) Our credit card debt is very large. We are not in any type of dangerous situation. My husband can pay our bills. However, if I'm not coping with emotions by eating, I shop. I've really tried to stay out stores lately. I don't want to do any type of abusive behavior.

Very interesting things to think about.

So, I've learned that dental procedures--mine or families---leave me feeling out of control which makes me want to binge. Trying to buy something for someone to comfort them also makes me want to binge.

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by momov2boys

For me, (unfortunately) I think it is something that I'll always have to be on guard for.



Same here.

This is so abundantly clear to me today.

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by TaDa!

big big

Thank you!

Originally Posted by momov2boys

Your right to be kind to yourself, Elizabeth.

We're here for you!!!

Thank you.
*****
Hi, Monet!

[TaDa!]

Oh Elizabeth! I am so glad you got yourself through last night. It is absolutely no wonder you are battle-weary today. You were on an emotional rollercoaster. It is so good that you are going through the motions today ... that old saw "Fake It Til You Make It," has saved me so so many times.

It is no wonder that dentistry is such a trigger for you and having to see your poor little baby go through it ... If you think about it, it has to do with the mouth - the part of us that eats -- it just makes sense on so many levels.

And I've seen and had my own issues with hoarding and shopping which speak to the scarcity thing. I'm pretty much moved beyond those particular issues in the last five years, but I remember what it was like and how important it was to break them.

I have come up with some other ways -different from what I listed - to control the financial situation - when you're working on it, let me know and I can give you some other ideas.

big big

Pauline

[GardenGirl639]

Thank you, Pauline.

My son is sick and my youngest daughter is still recovering from her tooth being pulled. I have canceled all activities for today (Wed.) and tomorrow. We will stay inside and cocoon. I will make them hot chocolate and we will read books. I have a Shakespeare movie from Netflix to watch with my oldest daughter (17). I am going to cut out some patterns and maybe some fabric for a sewing project I am working on. I am going to read and post a lot today. I have my warm slippers on. The sun is shining. I finished my coffee and green tea for today and have moved on to a new tea that I treated myself to earlier in the week--Ginger Twist.

Thank you for the financial advice. I know where some of my issues with this comes from. My father had MS when I was growing up. We lived below the poverty line. We existed on Welfare and then Social Security. ~(Can you see why the added expense of dentistry would effect me as a child? Nothing was ever said to me, but I "knew" it put further stain on our family.) ~ I married a man that can take care of his family. I have such a hard time with this. More feelings of unworthiness. I find it hard to spend money on myself....clothes, necessities, etc. I have no problem taking care of my children or husband. I buy them new underwear when they need it. They get new shoes every season. I throw away stained clothes and don't make them wear them to sleep in.

I've really been trying to buy myself "good food." It is helping me stay on plan. I spend the four bucks for real cream.

I'm so contemplative today and I think I'm probably rambling a lot. Hopefully getting all of this out will help me.

[TaDa!]

Sounds like a great great day!!!! Keep on rambling, lol!! It helps!! Pauline

[momov2boys]

Originally Posted by GardenGirl639

...I knew I was in trouble.

When I got home, I was hungry. It was actually dinner time. I couldn't think and I paced back and forth in the kitchen, opening all the cupboard doors. I looked in the refrigerator several times. I could not think. I wanted binge food, but I knew I didn't want to let the tiger out. So I started to formulate a plan. All I need to do right this instant is prepare an on plan meal. That's it. My daughter was happily watching a movie with her siblings. No other problem needed to be solved....just what to eat. I plopped some green beans, onions, and steak umm into some olive oil. I called a friend and talked to her about nothing while the food was cooking. Then I sat down with my plate in front of the computer and wrote my wild post.

After I ate, I was still consumed with the desire to binge. I knew that it would take awhile for the healthy food to send the right signals to my brain. I changed my clothes and put on my water proof jacket. I went outside in the dark and I walked. Actually, I marched, I trudged, I barreled ahead. I needed to get away from these feelings. I needed to punish myself. And so, instead of using food, I used exercise. I walked for 55 minutes. I was exhausted when I got home, but the out of control emotions had been left lying on some street corner.

I am down to 189. Today marks the first time in eight years that I am in the 180's. It also means that I have lost forty pounds.

You are truly an inspiration, Elizabeth.
I am so proud of you.


I have been in that desperate binge mindset, too.
The next time it comes, I will re-read this post.
It may just help me keep the tiger in its cage.

Congrats on your great successes!

KUTGW!!!

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by momov2boys

You are truly an inspiration, Elizabeth.
I am so proud of you.


I have been in that desperate binge mindset, too.
The next time it comes, I will re-read this post.
It may just help me keep the tiger in its cage.

Congrats on your great successes!

KUTGW!!!

You bring tears to my eyes. Thank you for your kind words. I can't believe the unconditional support!

I truly hope your tiger stays away.

[GardenGirl639]

It's 6:30 p.m. and my day has gone better and better. My mood is good. I have eaten on plan. I got in a half hour on my exercise bike. I am enjoying my dinner and have my food and tea planned out for the rest of the night. I worked on my sewing project. Still need to read to my kids.

[GardenGirl639]

Question to discuss: Is there anyone in your real life that knows that you binge?

Obviously, everyone in my life knows that I am overweight. No one knows that I binge. Not even my husband.

[monet0329]

hey girly.. ..

OK.. this may be a dumb question.. but I need to know.... what do you all mean by binge? when you want to eat everything under the sun.. like you want something and you don't know what and you keep eating until something "hits" the spot?

If so .. I get like that every now and again.. not too much..if that's not it..please explain.. cause that's what I always thought it was..

Lovin your mood.. isn't it wonderful to be "high " on life.. hehe..

what is your sewing project?? I don;t remember if you have said or not....I feel old.. some times my memory slips me.. .. I sorta remember someone talking about sewing.. but I read a lot in here..lol..

I am making curtains.. for my lil boys room and mine.. just can't find the time to finish them,.. but I will once my bf moves an hour away..

anywho.. continue to have a great evening..

[cdn_gal]

Originally Posted by GardenGirl639

Question to discuss: Is there anyone in your real life that knows that you binge?

Obviously, everyone in my life knows that I am overweight. No one knows that I binge.

My mom is the only one that knows it, because she has seen it first hand... Once when I almost finished a whole chocolate cake.. I would die of embarrassment if anyone else found out...
I haven't had a major binge in a few months, so I think I'm getting somewhat of a grip on it...
I know how it feels, and I feel your pain.. Its definitely something we have to work on daily...

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by monet0329

hey girly.. ..
what do you all mean by binge?

My definition of binge: Different than overeating. A compulsion to eat until I want to vomit in order to avoid the pain of the emotions that I happen to be feeling.

Here's what dictionary . com says: 1. a period or bout, usually brief, of excessive indulgence, as in eating, drinking alcoholic beverages, etc.; spree.

Originally Posted by monet0329

what is your sewing project?? I don;t remember if you have said or not....I feel old.. some times my memory slips me.. .. I sorta remember someone talking about sewing.. but I read a lot in here..lol..

I am making curtains.. for my lil boys room and mine.. just can't find the time to finish them,.. but I will once my bf moves an hour away..

anywho.. continue to have a great evening..

Our homeschool group has a co-op. One of the co-op classes is a musical theatre class. My daughter and I made the costumes for Alice Through the Looking Glass last year. This year they are performing something called Cafe Espresso. It's a comedy set in the old West. Lots of calico. I don't need to be done until May, but the sooner I'm done, the better.

I'm sorry your bf is moving so far away. That will be very sad.

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by cdn_gal

My mom is the only one that knows it, because she has seen it first hand... Once when I almost finished a whole chocolate cake.. I would die of embarrassment if anyone else found out...
I haven't had a major binge in a few months, so I think I'm getting somewhat of a grip on it...
I know how it feels, and I feel your pain.. Its definitely something we have to work on daily...

My family has definitely seen food disappear, but they don't know about the compulsiveness of it. They just think I overeat a lot ~like at Thanksgiving.

It's great that your getting a grip on it. Working through grief is so difficult. KUTGW

[TaDa!]

Elizabeth, I don't think anyone really knows the extent of what a binge is for me. My dh kinda knows, but not really the quantity of food it entails - he sees me going in and out of the kitchen, but knows enough to stay away and not to comment. It's nice to be able to talk about it on the boards - it is liberating and I think I do not need to "confess" to anyone but to those with whom I feel comfortable -- becasue in fact, any attempt to intervene on one of my binges would only set me spiraling off worse and for longer.

Monet - I talk about what a binge is exactly in the link in my signature below that reads "my weightloss story" .. I will go find it and edit here so you know which page to find it on (OK, it's at the top of page 2 on that link) It is not what you describe. It has nothing to do with the taste of food after the first few bites. I have binged on awful-tasting hardboiled eggs before and would in fact binge on anything if it were all that was available.

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by TaDa!

It's nice to be able to talk about it on the boards - it is liberating and I think I do not need to "confess" to anyone but to those with whom I feel comfortable -- becasue in fact, any attempt to intervene on one of my binges would only set me spiraling off worse and for longer.

[

I understand this. I've thought about having an "accountability" person in my real life. I've thought about OA and getting someone there. The thought of doing that just sends me into a tizzy. And, when you decide that you don't want to be accountable to them anymore, does that make you "healed" or "rebellious?" Too confusing and emotional for me. Writing things in my (public) journal has been such a giant step for me. I cannot believe the things that I have admitted to here today and yet I feel a real sense of calm. I feel completely understood by complete strangers. I think you alluded to this a week or two in your journal about sharing all this private stuff on here but not wanting to be in a magazine because people who knew you might find out.

[TaDa!]

Yep, lol!!! Part of being obese my whole life was the fact that my humiliation was public and there for the entire world to see ... and unfortunately people felt that made it open season on the fat girl who was so disgusting she couldn't keep her shame in private.

As a result I guard my privacy fiercely. No one in my life knows my before weight, or how much I lost or has been allowed to read the section on me in Rose Elliott's book. I feel that I do not need their praise, or to wow them, or anything - that this is for me and after all I've been through, I need to protect me, not lay myself open for everyone. I guess, for me, it is not denial, but part of being kind to myself.



P

[monet0329]

Originally Posted by GardenGirl639

My definition of binge: Different than overeating. A compulsion to eat until I want to vomit in order to avoid the pain of the emotions that I happen to be feeling.

Here's what dictionary . com says: 1. a period or bout, usually brief, of excessive indulgence, as in eating, drinking alcoholic beverages, etc.; spree.

[COLOR="Red"]Hmm then I don't belive I binge.. because for the most part , I am a happy person.. I eat because it taste good..lol..seriously.. I dn't think of bad things and just eat.. or get depressed and eat.. IF its there.. its good.. I will eat it..lol.. I am working on that..[/COLOR]



Our homeschool group has a co-op. One of the co-op classes is a musical theatre class. My daughter and I made the costumes for Alice Through the Looking Glass last year. This year they are performing something called Cafe Espresso. It's a comedy set in the old West. Lots of calico. I don't need to be done until May, but the sooner I'm done, the better.

I'm sorry your bf is moving so far away. That will be very sad.

[COLOR="red"]That will be so cool.. your blessed with the ability to sew.. I am just starting out..lol.. pillows and curtains I figure can't be TOO hard..[/COLOR]

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by TaDa!

Yep, lol!!! Part of being obese my whole life was the fact that my humiliation was public and there for the entire world to see ... and unfortunately people felt that made it open season on the fat girl who was so disgusting she couldn't keep her shame in private.

As a result I guard my privacy fiercely. No one in my life knows my before weight, or how much I lost or has been allowed to read the section on me in Rose Elliott's book. I feel that I do not need their praise, or to wow them, or anything - that this is for me and after all I've been through, I need to protect me, not lay myself open for everyone. I guess, for me, it is not denial, but part of being kind to myself.



P

My mom is constantly saying, "You're such a private person." or telling others (usually within my earshot) "Elizabeth is such a private person." She yearns for a relationship with me on a level that I can't give her. I can't open myself up to her because I know how much pain that will involve. Unfortunately, I see that I am much too private with my oldest daughter. I respect her privacy so much, that I don't often ask her a lot about things she does. I think she feels like I am uninterested and that couldn't be further from the truth. Sigh!

I don't usually state my opinions about things. My friends have labeled me a "golden retriever" because I don't like conflict. It is not that I don't have very strong opinions about things, it's just that I really don't feel the need to have them looked down upon or evaluated.

No one knows what I weigh or how much I've lost. I'm not sure how that will be when I have reached "goal."

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by monet0329

[COLOR="red"]THmm then I don't belive I binge.. because for the most part , I am a happy person.. I eat because it taste good..lol..seriously.. I dn't think of bad things and just eat.. or get depressed and eat.. IF its there.. its good.. I will eat it..lol.. I am working on that..[/COLOR]

I'm glad that you don't binge. I wouldn't wish it on anyone!

Oh, I do have my moments of eating stuff just cause it's there. I love the taste of food. I've just plan overeaten before. Lots of problems for me to fix.:blush:

[monet0329]

Originally Posted by TaDa!

Elizabeth, I don't think anyone really knows the extent of what a binge is for me. My dh kinda knows, but not really the quantity of food it entails - he sees me going in and out of the kitchen, but knows enough to stay away and not to comment. It's nice to be able to talk about it on the boards - it is liberating and I think I do not need to "confess" to anyone but to those with whom I feel comfortable -- becasue in fact, any attempt to intervene on one of my binges would only set me spiraling off worse and for longer.

Monet - I talk about what a binge is exactly in the link in my signature below that reads "my weightloss story" .. I will go find it and edit here so you know which page to find it on (OK, it's at the top of page 2 on that link) It is not what you describe. It has nothing to do with the taste of food after the first few bites. I have binged on awful-tasting hardboiled eggs before and would in fact binge on anything if it were all that was available.

Thank you sweetie.. I will read it when I get more time.. but I dn;t think I am a binge eater..but who knows..lol..

[GardenGirl639]

I made it through today. I accomplished all the things on my little to do list that I posted earlier. I just finished some yoga stretches and am going to go to bed to sleep perchance to dream as soon as I list my food for the last couple of days.

Mon. Jan. 28
Breakfast: Onion, Cheese, Ham Omelet, Coffee w/ measured cream
Lunch: Michigan Cottage Cheese, mozzarella, parmesan, tomato sauce
Dinner: One minute muffin
Snack:Applebee's Chicken Caesar Salad

Fat : 69%
Carbs: 4%
Protein :27%
Net Carbs: 17
Exercise: Walked 25 minutes

Tues. Jan. 29
Breakfast: Onion, Bacon, Cheese Omelet, Coffee w/ measured cream
Lunch: 2 Chicken wings, Chicken thigh, Caesar Salad, Coffee w/ measured cream
Dinner: Green beans, onions, steak umm
Snack: tea, tea, more tea, one minute muffin

Fat: 75%
Carbs: 5%
Protein: 20%
Net Carbs 21
Exercise: Walked 55 minutes

Wed. Jan. 30
Breakfast: Onion, Bacon, Cheese Omelet, Coffee w/ measured cream
Lunch: Chicken Caesar Salad, Coffee w/ measured cream
Dinner: Green beans, onions, steak um
Snack:3 cups herb tea, one minute muffin

Fat 70%
Carbs 6%
Protein 24%
Net Carbs 23
Exercise: 1/2 hour on exercise bike. Yoga

[GardenGirl639]

Good morning!

I am in a fantastic mood. The sun is shining AGAIN! I'm not sure peple who live in other areas can really understand the lack of sun shine we have here NE OHIO. LOL We have tons of "lake effect" weather, which basically means clouds. Every sunny day in winter is a gift!

*******
I have an exercise question. M & T I walked. W I road my exercise bike. It's 20 degrees here today. I'm trying to decide if I should walk or ride. I will definitely get some exercise in today. Additional information to consider...I'm feeling a little shin splintey. Will walking alleviate that feeling or exacerbate it?

**************

Had my typical omelet and coffee for breakfast. I'm on my second cup of coffee and will have my green tea in a bit.

Plans for the day....Katie and the Big Snow project with my 7 year olds, laundry, clean the house, hopefully some sewing. Another movie with my 17 year old (An Ideal Husband. We are really in to costuming if you couldn't tell.)

I probably will have the exact same food that I had yesterday because it's already prepared and in the refrigerator.

[GardenGirl639]

Bingeing Contemplation:

My name on all boards that I visit is some form of GardenGirl. I love flower gardening. I am passionate about flowers. I hope to someday turn my backyard into an English Cottage Garden. I have over thirty rose bushes.

As I've been thinking about my binge eating patterns, I realized that I very rarely binge from May to October. I may overeat, but I do not binge--that out of control compulsive eating to eradicate my emotions. Here are some of the reasons that I believe I don't during this time frame:

1) I am outside more often.
2) I find peace in my garden. It has a fountain.
3) I am so busy working in the garden that I sometimes forget to eat.
4) My thoughts are occupied with other things.
5) I get more sunshine.
6) I get many, many compliments from both people who know me and strangers who walk by.
7) It is something that is completely unique and special about me. It is my gift. People are always asking me gardening questions.
8) It is a creative outlet for me. Planning a flower garden is like painting with flowers.
9) I get physically exhausted working in the garden.
10) It has absolutely nothing to do with food. I don't grow vegetables or fruits.

So, my question is, how do I replicate these feelings during the winter months to protect myself from the feelings of binging? Looking through garden catalogs really isn't enough. I really think the physicality of gardening is a major component.

I must tell you something else about my personality. I HATE to be bored. In fact, my children are not "allowed" to say they are bored. If they can't find something to do, they get extra work. (Really, I'm not strict about it or anything. Don't think I'm a militant mom. ) When I was growing up, there was a lot of boring time in my life. My dad had MS. My mom suffered from depression. We were poor. We watched a lot of TV and ate pudding and cake for excitement.

[TaDa!]

I am so glad to hear that you are having a great day!!! me too!! I'm afraid I am not sure about the shin splint question ... I do know how to avoid them, or get rid of them with stretches ... they are a little hard to explain though .. I will try to find a web description or picture for you.

Your garden is just lovely!! I know a lot about gardening, but I live in the woods with the deer and bunny rabbits and chipmunks, etc etc etc with very dry acid soil on the top of a hill and so I have settled on being more a landscaper than a gardener, lol!! with the odd deer-resistant bulb here and there ... I am jealous!!!

I love your thoughts about what keeps you on the straight and narrow during the gardening months!!! Have you considered using the late winter to grow your own seedlings under grow lights? It is always so much fun researching the plants and you have so many many more options growing from seed. I used to take some of my very large outdoor pots and keep a crop of leaf lettuce going during the winter .. ya know pick a few leaves every day until the plant entirely goes to seed. I promised my seven year old we'd do it this year ...

Anyhooooooo just a few thoughts!!! Keep thinking about it, I bet you come up with a solution! You need a winter hobby!!! Do you like to paint or draw? I've taken classes at my local art center before and spent hours working on paintings ....



P

[GardenGirl639]

Before and During pics:

http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/ma...ml#post9878604

[GardenGirl639]

Pauline,

Thanks for the response.

Those are good ideas....I planted 5 flats of flowers in the house last year and was not very pleased with my results. I know that this might sound silly, but I think I need something that I can be very, very successful at (in my own mind).

Maybe I should look into art classes. It would be a creative outlet.

I'm wondering if the physicality of gardening is an important component and that is what I need to replicate.

I read a lot during the winter months. I write (a little). I organize events for the adoption group and the homeschool group I belong to. All mentally stimulating, but not physical.

Scheduling restraints prevent me from taking a weekly exercise class.

Maybe this exercise thing...trying to make it a habit....will be my thing.