GardenGirl639

[GardenGirl639]

I feel as high tonight as I felt down on Tuesday. How is that possible?

Went to Barnes and Noble tonight with a friend. I looked for The Thin Commandments but they didn't have it. Will order from the library or Amazon. I purchased The Solution 6 Skills to End Weight Problems Without Diets or Drugs by Laurel Mellin. (Did you read that, Pauline?) Last year I picked it up but didn't buy it. Last year I got a bunch of Geneen Roth-esque books out of the library and they threw me into a tizzy. I think I may be ready now. I'm getting so much from the Geneen Roth articles that are listed around this site. After BN, I went to another bookstore, Borders, looking for The Thin Commandments, but they didn't have it either. They did have several Geneen Roth books. I wanted to buy them sooooooo badly but I was with a friend and couldn't blow my "just a fat girl" cover. I also saw this book at BN- Overcoming Binge Eating by Christopher Fairburn, but again, couldn't buy it because I was with someone.

I enjoyed my time at BN. I love, love, love their coffee, but didn't want the caffeine. I had already reached the level of coffee that I had committed to for the day. I order herb tea-African Sunset, I think it was called. It was a blend of orange and cranberry, two of my favorite flavors.

Need to get in my five minutes of exercise in. Since it's 11:30 at night, I guess a walk is out. LOL This is the exact situation that would typically have me deciding not to exercise. I think the goal of only five minutes frees me up so much.

[monet0329]

.. real quick before I am off to bed..

I checked out the pics.. that's awesome !!.. you've done a great job ..

You should have bought the books..your doing this for YOU not anyone else.. and you know your friend wouldn't say a word.. she may have even been supportive.... being I don't know her..

anywho I do know what you mean and me saying you should have bought them.. might be just my cry for help.... as in.. EASIER SAID THEN DONE.... ya know.. so ignore me..

OK love ya sweetie.. sleep well..

[GardenGirl639]

I know, Monet. Thanks It goes back to the question I asked the other day....Does anyone in your real life know you binge? If I bought all these books on compulsive overeating and binge eating, I think my cover would have been blown. LOL I just bought a safe diet-esque book. Maybe I'll overcome my fear someday.:blush:

[momov2boys]

Hi Elizabeth!

Your gardens are so beautiful.

You're progress is something to be very proud of.
You're looking so great and doing so well!

KUTGW

I own The Thin Commandmenst by Stephen Gullo and I must say...
It's one of my very favorite weight-related books, ever!

It addresses so much (as did his previous book Thin Tastes Better (also excellent).
I re-read those two books (just did last night, in fact). I believe in so much that Gullo expresses and I quote him, often.

Happy Friday!!!

[TaDa!]

I am so happy to hear that the "five minutes" direction is working so well for you!!!! It is just great!!!!! I know how freeing it feels to know you can always convince yourself to meet a certain difficult daily goal and that you are not being "mean" to yourself by requiring a mere five minutes a day!! Big Step Forward!!!!

I own that Laurel Mellin book -- there's a list out there in thread-land of books I posted and that is one of them that I really like. I also have some of the Geneen Roth books. I have to say I have found some books I have read on the subject very tough reading and have even abandoned them ... I think mostly when there is 1) too much description of actual binge eating like in Passing for Thin, it makes my binge-y 2) Too much food description in general makes me binge-y - one of the books ranks different types of foods - soft, crunchy, etc and tries to tell you what you are lacking in your life based on your binge foods, 3) Too much "go take a hot bath advice" and not enough useful moving forward / healing help - more treating the symptoms and not the problem.

I have just ordered a book from the library with another group of friends who have compulsive eating issues. It is called: The Diet Cure by Julia Ross. If it is any good, i will let you know .... and on the subject of bookstores and people who know you ... I was in barnes and Noble with my mother and saw a book that looked interesting on compulsive eating and addiction .... there was NO WAY I was going to buy that book with my mother around ...

I do not think we have to "out" this particular thing -- we are not being bad people by not sharing every single thing about ourselves. We are protecting ourselves, especially important for those of us who were publicly humiliated in our past due to our weight ... It is part of being kind to ourselves. You know I never told anyone I had started to try and lose weight in June 2003 ... not until I lost like 30-40 pounds and people - close people - were commenting on it. Again, it was part of being kind to myself. I did not need or want their participation in my quest. it had never worked in the past and it was not going to be helpful then either, lol!!

Along with the loss of weight, I've developed a bad attitude ...

[monet0329]

Good morning E,,.. have a great day sweetie

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by momov2boys

Hi Elizabeth!

Your gardens are so beautiful.

You're progress is something to be very proud of.
You're looking so great and doing so well!

Momov2boys

I was missing you. LOL If I didn't see you today, I was going to PM you.

The Thin Commandments is on my list. Thanks for the recommendation. I've have to look for Thin Tastes Better also.

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by TaDa!

I am so happy to hear that the "five minutes" direction is working so well for you!!!! It is just great!!!!! I know how freeing it feels to know you can always convince yourself to meet a certain difficult daily goal and that you are not being "mean" to yourself by requiring a mere five minutes a day!! Big Step Forward!!!!

I've been contemplating what I should do for next week. Should I raise it to six minutes or ten minutes? I think I decided I am just going to leave all of my goals alone. I successfully completed all of them....Only two cups of coffee every day for five days...... Immediately got in the shower every morning for five mornings.....Exercised for at least five minutes every day for five days. I need to feel success. I have to say that I am even struggling with expressing that emotion. It feels like saying I need to feel successful makes me some sort power hungry person. Or selfish. Or, rolleyes, "anyone who sets the bar so low would be able to meet those goals."

Originally Posted by TaDa!

I own that Laurel Mellin book

I started this last night and it is really speaking to me. I found it so interesting that the first question question you ask yourself is "What am I feeling?" This is interesting to me on two different level:
1) I can't tell you how many times I heard "I don't care how you feel....." growing up.
2) One of the things we are supposed to be asking my daughter everyday is "What are the four feelings?" Mad, Sad, Scared, Happy "Now, tell me something for each emotion that made you feel that way today." (Because apparently you are supposed to feel all of those emotions everyday??????)

Originally Posted by TaDa!

The Diet Cure by Julia Ross.

I have heard of this book. Let me know.

Originally Posted by TaDa!

I do not think we have to "out" this particular thing -- we are not being bad people by not sharing every single thing about ourselves. We are protecting ourselves, especially important for those of us who were publicly humiliated in our past due to our weight ... It is part of being kind to ourselves. You know I never told anyone I had started to try and lose weight in June 2003 ... not until I lost like 30-40 pounds and people - close people - were commenting on it. Again, it was part of being kind to myself. I did not need or want their participation in my quest. it had never worked in the past and it was not going to be helpful then either, lol!!

It's interesting, because I know this friend to be a safe friend. I know that I could share this secret with here and she would be totally accepting of me. She knows I am losing weight.

I just couldn't deal with my own shame. I didn't want to feel ashamed in front of her. Actually, maybe I don't trust her enough.

Here's the other thing I don't want to have to deal with.....I don't want to have to answer questions when I am "better". I don't want to be okay and then have someone start asking me questions and that send me back into a tailspin. If I were to gain back the weight, I don't want to have to answer people's questions. It would be humiliating enough. I've lost and gained enough weight in my life. Sigh!

More ramblings.

Originally Posted by TaDa!

Along with the loss of weight, I've developed a bad attitude ...

May I develop the same bad attitude!!!!

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by monet0329

Good morning E,,.. have a great day sweetie

Morning, Monet! Seeing you here everyday makes me smile! I hope you have a great day, too!

What's it doing in IN? It's cold and rainy here today. Brrrrrrr!

[TaDa!]

Originally Posted by GardenGirl639

I've been contemplating what I should do for next week. Should I raise it to six minutes or ten minutes? I think I decided I am just going to leave all of my goals alone. I successfully completed all of them....Only two cups of coffee every day for five days...... Immediately got in the shower every morning for five mornings.....Exercised for at least five minutes every day for five days.

I'd leave it for months and months. I'd just normalize all the wonderful steps you have taken. If you exceed your goals, great!!! behind it all, in your head, your only "demands" on yourself will remain these simple things. Why risk becoming resentful ... more important to make these solid solid habits that become like second nature ... you have all the time in the world to tweak them up. You are doing great!!!!!

Originally Posted by GardenGirl639

I started this last night and it is really speaking to me. I found it so interesting that the first question question you ask yourself is "What am I feeling?" This is interesting to me on two different level:
1) I can't tell you how many times I heard "I don't care how you feel....." growing up.
2) One of the things we are supposed to be asking my daughter everyday is "What are the four feelings?" Mad, Sad, Scared, Happy "Now, tell me something for each emotion that made you feel that way today." (Because apparently you are supposed to feel all of those emotions everyday??????)

It makes so much sense ... we don't have big bones, we don't have some disease that makes us large, or eat because we just love love love it. We have emotional needs that only the food manages to pound down and suppress ...

Originally Posted by GardenGirl639

It's interesting, because I know this friend to be a safe friend. I know that I could share this secret with here and she would be totally accepting of me. She knows I am losing weight.

I just couldn't deal with my own shame. I didn't want to feel ashamed in front of her. Actually, maybe I don't trust her enough.

Here's the other thing I don't want to have to deal with.....I don't want to have to answer questions when I am "better". I don't want to be okay and then have someone start asking me questions and that send me back into a tailspin. If I were to gain back the weight, I don't want to have to answer people's questions. It would be humiliating enough. I've lost and gained enough weight in my life. Sigh!

More ramblings.

Ramblings maybe, but I feel EXACTLY the same way. Even with sympathetic people, at times, any mention of what I am going through can be something that sets me off. I have even had friends from the boards who would try to prod me into getting back on track at times, etc. and for a different person, with different issues, this would have been wonderful, for me with my past and my control/binge issues, it can send me further into a hole - to a darker place.

Today a friend at the gym was talking about her husband and how she wishes he would act helpful when she has bad eating behaviours and suggest that she not do this or that ... and it came to me that I am so lucky that my dh somehow knows not to comment AT ALL when I am in the midst of a binge frenzy one way or another. Even kind words can freak me out. I don't know if you are in the same place with that, but I absolutely do understand what you are saying here. Whatever led us to binge-eating as a way to cope affects everything in our lives and makes even normal human interactions tricky sometimes.

Going back to the other day, I think not having people in our life be a part of this struggle is not a failing, but instead an excellent coping mechanism. I guess if there are people good and smart enough to be told: 1) this is the way I am, 2) I work to change it, but 3) any questions about it, or comments on my success or failure in particular circumstances is going to hurt me, so please let's not talk about it again unless I bring it up .. if I have people I can trust to that extent that I trust they will put up with this bizarre request, then I could share. I have shared - but not in full gory details - with some few people I can trust will understand ... luckily they like crazy people

[momov2boys]

Originally Posted by GardenGirl639

Momov2boys

I was missing you. LOL If I didn't see you today, I was going to PM you.

You're sweet, Elizabeth!

I'd like you to know that I'll be away for about a week.

Take care and be well!

I'll catch up with you sometime after February 10th.

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by momov2boys

You're sweet, Elizabeth!

I'd like you to know that I'll be away for about a week.

Take care and be well!

I'll catch up with you sometime after February 10th.

I hope you have a good time! Be refreshed!

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by TaDa!

Today a friend at the gym was talking about her husband and how she wishes he would act helpful when she has bad eating behaviours and suggest that she not do this or that ... and it came to me that I am so lucky that my dh somehow knows not to comment AT ALL when I am in the midst of a binge frenzy one way or another. Even kind words can freak me out. I don't know if you are in the same place with that, but I absolutely do understand what you are saying here. Whatever led us to binge-eating as a way to cope affects everything in our lives and makes even normal human interactions tricky sometimes.

I am also lucky in that manner. My dh has never said anything about my food choices, etc. He has never mentioned my weight except for about two times and then it was in relation to my health. He specifically mentioned it after my father died of a heart attack. Even when he has mentioned the health aspect, it was in a kind and loving manner and never in the vicinity of food. There were never ever any follow up conversations. Even with this new weight loss, he is mostly happy because I am so happy. He even said today, "I'm just so glad to see you happy again." I have to say, that I offer him the same consideration. He is mostly an average weight, but he has been known to add a few pounds. I do not mention it and I do not mention the things that he eats.

Originally Posted by TaDa!

luckily they like crazy people

[GardenGirl639]

I think I may have a solution to the binging-Winter, not-binging-Summer. I was thinking about it last night. I really enjoy yoga. I've taking a few real live classes in past years. I have several DVDs, but never seem to be able to do them consistently. Part of that reason is that we only have one tv/dvd/vcr set up in our house and that is in the living room. Many times when I would like to do yoga, the kids are already using the tv. Also, it's not really calming to do yoga with the whole family swirling around you.

So, I was thinking, it would really be nice to be able to retire to my bedroom at anytime during the day or evening and do some yoga. I talked to my husband today and he gave me the green light. I am going to buy a cheap portable DVD player.

Yoga, for this purpose, will not be considered or count as exercise. I want this to be a totally exciting, relaxing, enjoyable experience.....not something to be checked off my to do list.

Also, since yoga is calming, it may help with some of my "feelings."

[GardenGirl639]

188 lbs. today. ****** seems to be my key.

[cdn_gal]

Originally Posted by GardenGirl639

188 lbs. today. ****** seems to be my key.

WTG!!!
Are stats are pretty similar...How tall are you?

[monet0329]

Originally Posted by GardenGirl639

188 lbs. today. ****** seems to be my key.

.. you go girly,,

you asked about the stinky weather yesterday.. sorry I didn't get back with you.. we didn't get all the snow here in my town like that said.. just a dusting.. but it did do the icy stuff.... the kids had a 2 hour delay.. all the towns around us got out for the day...SO MY KIDS WERE A LITTLE .. I didn't let my oldest drive today.. so he was extra upset..lol.. but he got over it,,

today the sun is shining and its a little warmer.. thank goodness..

tomorrow is to be better as well.. so all is good..

congrats on the loss and the DVD player.... I would love to do yoga.. but I need to loose lots of weight before I get into those positions again....

have a great evening..

[TaDa!]

Wow! Girl! Congratulations on the 188!!! That is AWESOME!!!! The Yoga sounds like a wonderful idea .. maybe with some really great music .. I was thinking about your hobby quandary and the art classes at my local place .. throwing pottery, wheel and non-wheel pottery making is very physical and well, with clay all over your hands, you simply cannot eat ... lol! I was just brainstorming ... The yoga sounds really great!



Pauline

[monet0329]

Originally Posted by TaDa!

Wow! Girl! Congratulations on the 188!!! That is AWESOME!!!! The Yoga sounds like a wonderful idea .. maybe with some really great music .. I was thinking about your hobby quandary and the art classes at my local place .. throwing pottery, wheel and non-wheel pottery making is very physical and well, with clay all over your hands, you simply cannot eat ... lol! I was just brainstorming ... The yoga sounds really great!



Pauline

Great idea.... and just MAYBE Patrick Swayze (sp?) will come and help the class.... wouldn't that be great hehe..

[GardenGirl639]

Hello!

I've missed all of you. I can't believe how long it's been since I've been here. Almost three whole days.!!!! LOL

Between busy-ness and having to share the computer with my husband, I wasn't able to get here.

I'm eating on plan although I feel like I'm starving all the time!! Real stomach hunger, not cravings. I'm recording everything in ******. I'm not sure if I should up my food or just keep doing what I'm doing and hope it goes away. I used to be satisfied with what I'm eating. This is also PMS week, so who knows.

I've been getting a lot of compliments lately. I'm trying not to let it freak me out. I feel like I don't really know what I look like. I know I can look in the mirror and at pictures, but all I see is the same old Elizabeth. The scale says I've lost weight. My clothes fit differently. Other people are noticing, but

I got my DVD player and a new yoga DVD on Saturday, but haven't even had time to take it out of the box yet. Maybe tonight.

I walked for 50 minutes tonight in the fog. It was so refreshing.

Last month PMS/TOM were terrible emotionally. I'm hoping this month is better. Gotta love PCOS.

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by cdn_gal

WTG!!!
Are stats are pretty similar...How tall are you?

Thanks!

I'm a shorty at 5'3".

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by TaDa!

Wow! Girl! Congratulations on the 188!!! That is AWESOME!!!! The Yoga sounds like a wonderful idea .. maybe with some really great music .. I was thinking about your hobby quandary and the art classes at my local place .. throwing pottery, wheel and non-wheel pottery making is very physical and well, with clay all over your hands, you simply cannot eat ... lol! I was just brainstorming ... The yoga sounds really great!



Pauline

It seems like once my body hit 189, it started changing. My skin is so smooth and soft all of a sudden, not to mention the glow. I'm standing much straighter, so the hump on my back doesn't seem to prevalent.

Can't wait to start my yoga.

Throwing pottery sounds like so much fun. I'm not sure there is anywhere close that does it.....I live in a smallish town. Have you ever done it? You're right....no eating with clay on your hands. LOL

I saw buds on a magnolia tree when I was walking tonight. Spring can't be very far away, can it???? I don't care what that groundhog said!!!!

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by monet0329

Great idea.... and just MAYBE Patrick Swayze (sp?) will come and help the class.... wouldn't that be great hehe..

[monet0329]

hey sweet Pea.. ..

good to see that smiling face .. congrats on the compliments..... that's just great.. ..

about you hunger pains.. lei says.. eat more FAT.. I know some days it is hard.. when I get those hungry feelings I chug water.... takes it away for a while.. get me to the next meal anyway..

Hope you got to Yoga tonight.... sleep well

[monet0329]

man I just watched something on the news.... 2 lil boys got killed in a car wreck on a railroad track.. .. they were brothers.. can you imagine.. .. they said they went home after they left the hospital.. and didn't know what to do ..they sang Amazing Grace when the youngest boy was still a live.. but they knew he wasn't going to make it.. they said they sang and let him go to the Lord.. sniff sniff.... Now they are helping "The Arms of Life".. the railroads..

sorry.. I just wanted to share.. prayers go to those parents..

[TaDa!]

Elizabeth! You are doing so well!!! You know one thing I just started to help me out is to get calendar that I keep next to the computer, tucked in a bookshelf. When I have an unusually hungry day noe, I write it in the calendar. I am also keeping track of days where I feel like I am holding water weight from TOM, etc. I have noticed some days where the same old food just does not satisfy and I just want to see what happens in relation to that - try to figure out patterns, what works and what does not work for me.

So far, on especially hungry days I either

1. tough it out and drink extra water if I have enough extracurricular activities to keep my mind off it.

2. Eat an extra 100-250 calories because I know - and I know it is the same for you - I am still at weightloss levels and if it is only a day or two, it will not slow my weightloss, just make me feel better.

3. I do my best not to repeat #2 for two days in a row

One thing I have observed is that after a hungry day that I manage to muddle through without binge-eating, the next day tends to be a non-hungry day and this has been really really good positive reinforcement for me to observe this - so far, three times in the past month ...

anyhow, just my thoughts on the problem



Pauline

[monet0329]

Good Morning Elizabeth.. .. have a great great day hun..

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by monet0329

. 2 lil boys got killed in a car wreck on a railroad track.. .. they were brothers..

So sad.

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by monet0329

hey sweet Pea.. ..

Do you know I sweet peas?

Originally Posted by monet0329

congrats on the compliments..... that's just great.. ..

Thanks:blush:

Originally Posted by monet0329

about you hunger pains.. lei says.. eat more FAT.. I know some days it is hard.. when I get those hungry feelings I chug water.... takes it away for a while.. get me to the next meal anyway..

I'll go back to ****** and check out my fat ratio. Maybe there are a few days that my fats were lower.

[GardenGirl639]

Originally Posted by TaDa!

Elizabeth! You are doing so well!!! You know one thing I just started to help me out is to get calendar that I keep next to the computer, tucked in a bookshelf. When I have an unusually hungry day noe, I write it in the calendar. I am also keeping track of days where I feel like I am holding water weight from TOM, etc. I have noticed some days where the same old food just does not satisfy and I just want to see what happens in relation to that - try to figure out patterns, what works and what does not work for me.

So far, on especially hungry days I either

1. tough it out and drink extra water if I have enough extracurricular activities to keep my mind off it.

2. Eat an extra 100-250 calories because I know - and I know it is the same for you - I am still at weightloss levels and if it is only a day or two, it will not slow my weightloss, just make me feel better.

3. I do my best not to repeat #2 for two days in a row

One thing I have observed is that after a hungry day that I manage to muddle through without binge-eating, the next day tends to be a non-hungry day and this has been really really good positive reinforcement for me to observe this - so far, three times in the past month ...

anyhow, just my thoughts on the problem



Pauline

The calendar idea is great! I think I will start putting it in the journal section of ****** until I can find a little calendar to keep by the computer. It's funny because I woke up this morning and didn't feel like eating. I ate a protein bar because I knew I needed something with my coffee and couldn't stomach the prospect of eggs. (I ususally really enjoy my bacon, onion, cheese omelet.) I think some of my problem might have been that I didn't get to get all my tea in for Friday, Saturday, Sunday. LOL I have become very structured in what and when I eat. I have also become very structured with my tea.

My beverage "schedule":
a.m.: Two cups Starbucks Cafe Verona with 1/8 c. 1/2 1/2 each (brewed at home)
within an hour of finishing the last cup of coffee....1 cup Lipton Green Tea (has caffeine) nothing added

5 p.m 1 Cup Lipton Ginger Twist (no caffeine) nothing added
7 -8 p.m. 1 Cup Celestial Seasonings Mandarin Orange Spice sometimes with 1/2 packet of Sweet and Low.
10 p.m. 1 cup Bigelow Peppermint Tea with nothing added. Consumed with my one minute muffin. Last food I consume for the day. I go to bed around 1 or 2 a.m.

So, do I have a beverage problem?