its the journey, not the destination

[lippi]

so, i shall start a journal to remind me of where i am, where im going and where ive been. sorta feels like talking to myself, but im actually quite good at that .


my back went out last saturday so ive been housebound and in pain for the last week. got me thinking about how when i lost 40+ pounds a couple of years ago and was doing yoga, i had no back pain a'tall. now the clothes i bought when i lost all the weight are sitting in the cellar because theres absolutely no way i can fit into them now. i will fit into them again.

i spoke with my mom, who suggested weightwatchers, and i did check them out online but decided its not for me - i did so well on atkins before, was never hungry and did wonderful on it until the divorce when i "rewarded" myself with food. that, my friends, was the beginning of the end. this is the beginning of the beginning.

i started low carb yesterday, and plan on using this journal as a personal accountability, and keeping track of my food, as well as incessant ramblings.

yesterday, 11/10/06:

B - 4 eggs, scrambled, with chopped pepper, cheez, 4g.carb "tortilla wrap"
3 cups of coffee

L - water water water

D - two cheezburgers mixed in with a can of green beans with melted feta cheez

my beverage of choice has always been water, and though i dont keep track of how many ounces a day i drink, it is at least 100 on any given day.


saturday, 11/11/06

B - 3 eggs, scrambled, with cheez and roast beef
L - nothing
D - 1 and 1/2 pork chops (topped with salt,pepper,dash of oil,parmesan cheez) and a salad (peppers, grape tomatoes,cukes,feta)
S - Dannon light n fit "dairy" product-thing that tastes somewhat like yogurt, with a squirt of whipped cream - not delicious, but doable.


as my back is beginning to feel better and i can now move without grimacing, i am planning on beginning yoga again on tuesdays -

[indogia]

wishing you the very best

[lippi]

thank you so much, indy. i was looking over your journal last nite, and subscribed to it because i love your writing style, your outlook, and your positive way of thinking. im so happy to be here.

my back is feeling 90% better, so im going to work tomorrow and will remember to take it easy. on tuesday ill rejoin melanie's yoga class, and not only do i expect to strengthen my back and core, i expect more self awareness, positivity, tranquility. i cant believe i ever left classes in the first place. jjust like i cant believe how i forgot how much i really do like the lb lifestyle. i may miss some foods for a time, but i remember after doing lc for a while, that i didnt miss my "favorite" foods at all and would decline the offer of them without a second thought. i absolutely cannot wait to regain a healthy image of myself.

sunday, 11/12/06

meal 1: 1/2 pork chop mixed with feta cheez, 5 pieces roast beef, lettuce, peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, honey dijon dressing


beverages: coffee with 1/2 and 1/2, water

[indogia]

ah lippi,that realy means alott to me,thankyou so much,i wish you could see how wide I am smiling right now

ah you are taking great action to start healing your back,ooh i remember those days,I feel for you (((hugs))).I will also hold you in healing prayer,I pray that you heal angel speed

love and smiles

[lippi]

again, thanks so much, indy. the support on this forum is absolutely unbeatable. i truly am grateful for stumbling across this site.

hmm, not digging how i can't edit my posts after an hour - wanted to be able to add to a post to update what ive eaten, but i guess ill just keep track of everything during the day/nite and update 1x day. so to recap sunday 11/12/06:

vitamins - stool softener, one a day, chromium picolinate, potassium

meal 1 - 1/2 pork chop mixed with feta cheez, roast beef, salad, honey dijon dressing.

meal 2 - egg salad (made it with 6 eggs and some 0g carb mini gherkins, ate a little over 1/3 of it, maybe close to 1/2) with 2 slices cheez.

snack - 2 sf jello cups with whipped cream

beverages - coffee, lots and lots of water (the animals certainly haven appreciated having to wake up every 2 seconds and move because momma has to tinkle again, lol).

i think im done eating for today - the jello seems to have filled me up pretty good, and if i do get hungry again, ill just load myself up with water. mayhap i should go get some depends?, hardehar

cant wait to go buy a scale (cannot BELIEVE i just said that!?!) tomorrow so i can see exactly where im starting from. those jeans in the basement are done taunting me, ill soon show them who's boss!!

[Desertthorn]

It is like talking to oneself isn't it, but thats good, we can come back and read our thoughts when we don't feel as committed. Great start on a great journal.

[indogia]

you are doing great,drinking lots of water on top of what you are doing,is a great idea,I am right with you,

Joe Namath:
You learn you can do your best even when its hard, even when you're tired and maybe hurting a little bit. It feels good to show some courage.

love and smiles

[lippi]

im grateful for the encouragement from you both. it really does mean so much.

today i was going to go back to work, but decided that since my regular day off is tuesday, that i would take the extra day and make sure im 100% instead of having gone in today at 90%. spoke with my brother ( i work in a family store with my brother, cousin, dad and uncle) and if he isnt the greatest little brother (4.5 years younger), i dont know who is. great brother, great friend, great dad, great great great. so anywho, spoke with him and he agreed that i should stay home.

so i went to walmart and bought a scale, and was surprised that id lost 3 pounds since my last weigh in at curves back in march. i definitely havent been eating well/exercising since then so im thinking i may have lost weight already just in the past 3 days. since im not sure though, im going by the weight that i had today. am going to try to weigh myself once a week, same day every week, at the same time wearing the same clothes. might start it tomorrow, seeing as to how im wearing my least favorite sweatpants today ( ) and dont relish the thought of having to wear them again, 'less its laundry time.

i didnt drink as much water today, for some reason. i ended up spilling about 48 oz. when someone rang the doorbell today, startling both me and the dog, and the water went flying - EVERYWHERE. people ended up going to the wrong house by accident. im laughing about it now as i type this cuz those people standing on my stoop must have been horrified when i cursed very loudly when the water spilled.


meal 1 - 3 eggs, swiss cheez, chopped green peppers
3 cups coffee

snack - 3 boneless buffalo tenders
bleu cheez dressing

meal 2 - rest of the egg salad (approx. 2 1/2 eggs), lettuce, peppers,
cucumber, 1000 island dressing

vitamins - check

i really cant explain how happy i am to have found such wonderful, supportive and kind people to take this journey with. xox

[indogia]

YOU LOST 3LBS!!!YEY!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lippi]

kinda cuz i didnt end up going to yoga tonite, though i so want to. i decided that my back would probably be hurt more than helped by it since its not quite to normal, and i definitely dont want to do something to it that's going to make me have to take another week off from work! although, haha, i kinda like not having to go, if you know what i mean. would have been nice under different circumstances, i spose.

today i did go back to the grocery store after combing through threads on here and getting some absolutely wonderful recipe ideas. came home and ended up making THREE dishes for future meals, and forgetting to eat!! never thought id be one for that, let me tell you this about that. i did nibble here and there when i was making everything so its not like i went hungry, but i probably should have eaten more today. at least ill have bunches of things to choose from for the next week or so, what with a stocked fridge and all!!

tuesday, november 14

didn't drink as much water as i should have today, probably only about 64 oz. trying to make up for it now.
vitamins - check
meal 1 - 3 eggs, scrambled with 3 slices american cheez and about 5 slices of deli roast beef .....2 cups of coffee with 1/2 and 1/2.....water
"meal 2" - about 4 'buffalo chicken' pieces, 2 bites of chicken salad, and a small portion of 'chicken and stuffing' casserole. got the recipe off moonchild's journal and i was completely astonished at how much it tastes like stuffing. im going to make it for thanksgiving and see if anyone notices (place little devil horns here). heres the recipe if anyone's interested:

"Stuffing"

2 cups diced cooked chicken
1 pound diced pork sausage (i squeeze it out of the casings and dice it)
1 large stalk celery (chopped)
3 tbls. chopped onion
1 small can mushrooms, drained (I used chunky portabello)
4 lg. eggs
1/2 cup heavy cream
8 oz. Monterey Jack cheese, shredded
1/2 teaspoon salt (I didn't add any)
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon fresh parsley, minced, optional
1/4 - 1/2 tsp sage (depends on taste. I start with a small amount, taste the mixture and then add more as needed).

Brown the sausage with the onion and celery; drain well. Add sage and mushrooms. Place in a 2 qt. casserole dish. Mix in chicken and cheese. Beat eggs, cream, seasonings and parsley. Pour evenly over meat mixture. Bake at 350º 35-40 minutes until set in the center and nicely browned. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.

i do have to remind myself about keeping portion amounts reasonable, as i didnt really pay attention to that the last time i did atkins, and though i lost 46 pounds at that time (over a period of 2 years), it probably wouldve been A LOT faster if i hadnt eaten 8000 pounds of cheez a day. who knew?

so, back to the grindstone tomorrow. have to be mindful of overdoing it with my back, but other than that, ive not seen my brother, dad or uncle in over a week and kinda miss them all, not to mention the customers (good dog, did i just say that out loud?!)

quote/affirmation of the day:
'in soloing - as in other activities - it is far easier to start something than it is to finish it'. amelia earhart

today ill be faced with the choice to stay on top of my goals. i must remember the source of my inspiration and trust it.

its amazing to me how often the daily meditations relate to something going on in my life at the time i read it. though i am technically "soloing it" and my new woe is all about me in that its something i need to do for myself, im certainly not soloing it due to this amazing site and the amazing people who frequent it.
ive got a book of daily meditations, and decided to post the quote and affirmation they use. theres also an accompanying paragraph describing the theme, so if anyone would like to know any particular one on any day, id be more than happy to copy it down and post it.

blessed be~~~
xox

[moonchild]

Hiya! Glad to see you started a journal. Now I can see whatcha been up to.

At first I was wondering why you are skipping a meal. But, I see it is working for you so ... KUTGW!!! I have to do as Atkins said and make sure I eat something every 5 hours or glucose is released into my system. Then I won't burn as much fat. Unfortunately, I don't follow it to a tee like I should. Sometimes I actually forget to eat (weird huh?) I have done better this past week though. I made up some of my breakfast muffins and some deluxe devilled eggs (with bacon). Now I have some quick lc protein and I just grab one of the above.

Sounds like you have a wonderful brother there! I always am a bit envious of people with nice families. I am happy for them, but still jealous somewhat. KWIM?

Well, of to read the forum and get into some trouble in the lounge.
I hope you have a wonderful day!!!

Oh yeah .... I tried the stuffing using the mozzerella and found I really, really like it best with the 4-cheese blend. Unfortunately, that makes it greasy but I sop it up with a papertowel. I have been tempted to buy some bread just to use as a grease sponge .... it works better than papertowels. I don't know though ... the bread may be too big a temptation for DH.

[indogia]

hello my sweet friend,hope you get to do your yoga soon (((hugs))).
you are doing great,I am so proud of you,I love affirmations too(as you may know!...he he he).

its been a pleasure to stop by and read you.

all the best!

[lippi]

didn't post yesterday cuz it was my first day back to work and when i got home, i did nothing more than zone out in front of the tv...then read my new book til 3.00 in the morning! no wonder i was tired today. back feels so so so much better, and i think that had a lot to do with lots of walking around yesterday and stretching it out, so yay for me. i just have to remember to keep being mindful so i dont do something stupid and throw it back again.

Wednesday, November 15,2006

Meal 1 – 3 eggs, scrambled, 2 cups coffee with heavy cream
Meal 2 – lettuce, cucumbers, ½ c mushrooms, feta, chicken salad

Snack - string cheez, one stick
Meal 3 – stuffing, 1 c. ‘buffalo tenders’
+ 72 oz.water
vitamins - check

i love eating, getting full, and then not thinking about food until the next time im hungry. having made some meals beforehand is really helping me out cuz i dont panic when im hungry, i just grab something and enjoy it.

today i didnt have time to make my eggs cuz i was in a rush (overslept, surprise, surprise), and this is what my meals looked like today.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

meal 1 - chicken salad, 2 cups coffee with heavy cream
meal 2 - rest of my "buffalo tenders", can green beans with melted feta
meal 3 - havent eaten it yet, but i got "steph's yummy chicken recipe" off the recipe board and its in the oven right now...

2 pounds boneless
skinless chicken breast
1/3 cup sour cream
1/3 cup mayonnaise
1 1/2 tablespoon creamy italian dressing (didnt have hbv dry ranch mix)
1 tablespoon heavy cream
1 can sliced mushrooms
grated parmesan cheez to cover

How To Prepare: Place thawed (a little frozen
yet still works) chicken
breasts in a single layer
baking dish. Spread
mushrooms over the
chicken, trying to keep them
on the chicken. Mix together
sour cream, mayo, HV mix,
and cream until blended.
Place large dollups of the
mixture on each breast,
then spread it out so that it
covers all meat and
mushrooms. Sprinkle
grated cheese on top until
covered (the more cheese,
the more "crusty" it gets).
Bake at 375 until top is
starting to get
orange-brown and crusty -
about 45-60 minutes.


Using a metal spatula,
serve onto a plate, trying to
keep the yummy stuff on top
of each breast intact. The
chicken will be very juicy
and the stuff on top is very
yummy, hence our name for
it!


Things not to do:
I once tried to make this into
a casserole by dicing up the
chicken first. I ended up
with tough little pieces of
chicken that were not very
juicy. The shredded (fancy)
parmesan cheese, instead
of the grated, turns to little
hard shards when browned
that stab you as you try to
eat it, or if not as browned,
are still too "crunchy".


been drinking my water all day, and have had +72 oz. already, will probably have about 24 more before bed.

so, dbf saw my weight on the scale, like i pretty much knew he would. scale keeps track of 2 people so my weight came up when he was trying to do his. course, i still cant figure out how to go from user 1 to user 2 and get it to work, stupid things kinda pissing me off and i should have just bought a regular scale, but nooooooo, i have to get a fancy one. i keep weighing myself like a crazy person, and today i went up a pound and 8 oz. but it was a different time of day that i weighed myself and such, so starting tomorrow, i'm going to weigh myself every morning, bare-ass nekkid right before i jump in the shower. i was told your weight varies during the day and i dont want to do it at all different times and not be able to track myself. my tom is coming and i think thatll make the scale fluctuate too. who knows? mostly ill see my progress in how my clothes feel, i think.

i hear him from the bathroom "oops, honey, i just saw your weight".....me...."*#(*#&$6#*@^&$....do you still love me, knowing for sure now that im a sumo wrestler?"........him "sumo wrestlers wear diapers, you dont wear diapers, silly. and of course i still love you, that just means there's more mooper (that's one of the names he calls me) to love." what a dollface. he has the exact opposite problem of me, in that hes about 5'8" and weighs only 118 pounds. no matter how much he eats, the boy cant gain weight. makes me want to slap him, kinda.

still havent done my measurements because i keep forgetting the measuring tape at work (we do alterations and such, so we have a bunch and i was going to borrow one but ive forgotten it now 2 days in a row).

anywho, going to skim the threads for a while, eat my din dins, then either read my book (stephen kings new one, lisie's story) or watch tv. cant watch the good shows (survivor, csi) until bf comes home from practice (he plays the drums and is in a local band). then its beddy bye time for me 'less i cant fall asleep...again.

and again, i cant tell you guys how much i appreciate your and support, it means so much to me. hope everyone is doing well.

today's quote and affirmation:

continuous effort, not strength or intelligence, is the key to unlocking our potential. liane cordes

today my efforts are needed, in the here and now. that's all.

(oh, moonchild, i didnt have 4cheez blend, so i used sharp cheddar. seemed to work fine. i drained it on paper towels and then put more paper towels on top with a pan on top so the weight would suck up the grease. seemed to work)

[lippi]

quick entry tonite -

Friday., November 17, 2006

meal 1 - 2 cups coffee with heavy cream, one stick string cheez
meal 2 - piece of steph's yummy chicken, stuffing
snack - one stick string cheez
meal 3 - 3 eggs scrambled with american cheez and salsa

vitamins - check
water - lots and lots

finally brought the measuring tape home tonite, but im not going to measure tonite cuz im quite sleepy (and its only 9 pm). i did find the measurements i had gotten done while i was doing cuves earlier this year and this is what they are:

12/19/05 1/17/06 2/20/06

bust 48 48 47.5

waist 42.5 41 41

abdomen 57 56 54.5

hips 54 53 51.5

thighs 31 30 30

calves 20.5 20 19.5

arms 17.75 16.5 16

weight 265.6 267.8 263.4

body fat % 45.3 45.7 44.9

BMI ? 44.6 43.8

i'll see how my present numbers stack up after measuring. the measurement of my thighs at the lowest point is one inch more than bf's waist.

[lippi]

Saturday, November 18, 2006

water - check
water - 70 oz or so
meal 1 - salad with tuna, greek dressing (i did the trick of dipping my fork in the dressing before each bite...works pretty good, i may say)

snack - stick of string cheez

meal 2 - 1/2 kielbasa, 3 leaves of cabbage, stick string cheez

(never made cabbage before, so unsure of how to cook it, so i ended up steaming it with the kielbasa for a while, then fried it up the rest of the way ... first bite or so i wasnt crazy about it, but it grew on me...quite addictive actually)

dessert - and this is where things get a bit out of control..
container light n fit mixed with a container of sf jello, whipped cream 3 tbsp, maybe more, i had about three finger lengths and then some to top off my mixture )

totally out of control, but i did want the frozen hershey's and reese's that were in ther freezer (i havent had ANY cravings a'tall, but TOM is here full force and i dont know if it was a mental craving or what, but i just really needed something sweet, and thank god i didnt grab the candy).

this woe is MY choice, and im the only one who can make the choices that are healthy for me and not self-sabotaging. im a huge fan of self-sabotage, gotta remember to kick that in the arse ). it is all about choice. it is all about choice. it is all about choice. anywho.....

i opened the daily meditation for today immediately after i typed the above paragraph, and im freaking out now .....

one is happy as the result of one's own efforts. george sand

our attitude about our circumstances or our hopes determines the tenor of a moment, eventually of the whole day. no attitude, no feeling or emotion is foisted upon us. we have always made the choice. perhaps our passivity regarding choices has all too often eased us into situations detrimental to our emotional health. nevertheless, responsibility for the pain that accompanies poor choices is always our own. conversely, the joy that is ushered in by certain other choices is also our responsibility. personal power commands our lives, and the fruits are as bountiful as our choices, selectively made. we will be as happy as our choices make us, and as we decide to be.

today is all mine, and whatever i make of it is by personal choice.

(oh just thought of something too about my TOM - i normally get debilitating cramps before i get it, but i didnt. and then i thought about when i was doing lc before, and i dont think i had as bad TOMs as i do when im not eating healthy. more on this next month. lol)

[lippi]

bust (12/19/05)48; (1/17/06) 48; (2/20/06) 47.5; (11/18/06) 47
*from what i remember, the measurements go from nipple to nipple*

waist (12/19/05) 42.5; (1/17/06) 41; (2/20/06) 41; (11/18/06) 41
*i bent to one side and measured at the crease*

abdomen (12/19/05) 57; (1/17/06) 56; (2/20/06) 54.5; (11/18/06) 49
*i think the big difference here is that curves lady used to measure 2" below belly button, but since im measuring myself its easier to do it right on belly button, so these #s arent even close.*

hips (12/19/05)54; (1/17/06) 53; (2/20/06) 51.5; (11/18/06) 55
*cannot remember where curves lady used to measure, and for that matter, cant remember where i measured it either! think i did it right over butt*

thighs (12/19/05)31; (1/17/06) 30; (2/20/06) 30; (11/18/06) 30
*measured right on my oh-so-attractive saddlebags*

calves (12/19/05)20.5; (1/17/06) 20; (2/20/06) 19.5; (11/18/06) 19
*measured at the biggest point*

arms (12/19/05)17.75; (1/17/06) 16.5; (2/20/06) 16; (11/18/06) 16
*measured at bicep*


so im pleasantly surprised that i havent gained inches since february of this year as i stopped going to curves and watching what i ate that whole time. course, that may not be accurate since i measured myself whilst nekkid and i sure wasnt bare-arsed at curves during my measurements, so maybe my "s are off a little. my weight remained stable during that time too. it will not remain stable from this point forward, mind you me!!!

[lippi]

sunday, november 19

vitamins - check
water - lots!!
coffee - about 3 cups regular, 1/2 pot decaf

meal 1 - 3 eggs scrambled with cheddar cheez and 2 pork sausages, 2 cups coffee with heavy cream (though im switching back to 1/2 and 1/2 because the cream makes my tongue feel funny), couple bites of fried cabbage when i was making it for later to refrigerate

meal 2 - chicken breast made ala steph's yummy chicken with a dollop of sour cream (didnt make enough sauce for the chicken), can of green beans dabbed with butter

ill probably have something a bit later if i get hungry, and if i do, im thinking kielbasa and cabbage. we'll see.

[lippi]

monday, november 20

meal 1 - 2 string cheez sticks, 1 cup of decaf with 1/2 and 1/2, one regular cup coffee with 1/2 and 1/2 (soooo didnt give myself enough time this morning)

meal 2 - salad with cucumbers, roasted red peppers, red onion, mozzarella cheez and grilled chicken

meal 3 - ground beef with cheddar, garlic, sour cream, salsa, zucchini

vitamins - check
water - only about 64 oz. so far, gonna work on that tonite, cept i just made a delish pot of mocha decaf

[lippi]

edit cuz my computer is stupid.

[lippi]

edit cuz my computer decided to post the same post 8 gazillion times.

[indogia]

hello my darling,hope you are well today,thought i woulkd stop by and send you love and smiles

it was very sweet of your puter to do your posts for you,pat it on the back from me...he he he

[lippi]

i love love and smiles, indie. .

tuesday, november 21, 2006

meal 1 - 3 eggs scrambled, with leftover dinner stuff, 3 cups coffee with 1/2 1/2

meal 2 - 1/2 kielbasa, sauteed cabbage

meal 3 - 2 sticks of celery with cream cheez

vitamins - check
water - check

we're having turkey day at our house this year - not many people, just 7 total. but goodness gracious, how expensive and labor intensive, just might not now what ive gotten myself into . after all is said and done, ill do it next year too cuz i love turkey day. its a holiday that gets overlooked, stuffed (no pun intended, lol) between halloween and xmas. we're going to have the regular turkey day stuff (mashers, butternut squash, rolls, peas, carrots, stuffing, green beans, etc), but im going to make zucchini parmesan and faux mashed potatoes (cauliflower) for myself so i can have lots of things. instead of a green bean casserole, i was thinking of green beans sauteed in a lemon butter sauce. still some carbs, but waaaaay less than the run of the mill casserole. i really like the choices ive been making lately.

today's meditation:

life is a battle in which we fall from wounds we receive in running away. - william l.sullivan

those things we need to experience, to learn, to understand, will present themselves again and again until we have attended to them. we may choose to close our mindds one time, and even close them again, but the lesson will not be put off for long. another experience will surround us, offering once again the opportunity necessary for the personal growth we're destined to realize. we must trust that our lives are unfolding in ways that will evoke our full potential, and that no challenge comes that earlier lessons haven't prepared us for.

tackling my lessons head-on is a decision i can make today.

[lippi]

wednesday, november 22, 2006

vitamins - check
water - bunches and bunches
meal 1 - 2 string cheez sticks, coffee with 1/2 and 1/2 (i really really need to make some of moonchild's breakfast muffins so that i can grab something more than cheez while im on the fly)

meal 2 - mesculin salad with mozzarella, grilled chicken, roasted red peppers and balsamic vinegar dressing.

meal 3 - 3 eggs scrambled with mexican cheez blend, salsa, pepperoni. also picked at stuff i was making for thanksgiving - couple spoonfuls of mashed cauliflower, boiled zucchini that didnt fit in the pie plate, tbsp. sour cream.

been weighing myself every day, scale fluctuating, and im hoping its cuz of my TOM. just take it a day at a time is all i can do. i feel better than i did only 3 weeks ago,