Can't wait to go cruisin with a slimmer me!

[abbydoodle30]

Well today I start the South Beach diet for the first time.. tried Atkins for 6 days and fell off the wagon. I just couldn't bear the thought of no pasta, potatoes or cereal for a long time. This is feeling better for me so far.

Next September I'll be going on an Exotic Western Carribbean cruise and I want to be able to wear a bathing suit without a stupid t-shirt. Honestly I can't remember the last time I wore one or went swimming. I used to really enjoy doing that. I used to enjoy doing a lot of things before I gained weight.

A little bit about me, I just turned 30 and am pretty much 60 pounds overweight. This started happening about 7 years ago when I got a job that requires me to sit for 12 hours at a time. I just started eating at my desk and not doing any activity and the weight just crept up on me. I swear I didn't even notice it until I was having to buy plus size clothes. Even then somewhere inside me I was in denial about gaining. Now I just feel so unattractive and I wear clothes that don't make me stand out so no one will look at me. Anytime my best friend wants to go out dancing, I just dread the fact that there are so many other prettier, thinner women that the guys are looking at. I feel like they look at me and go "Why does she think she deserves to be here?" Hmmm... that is food for thought. I just wish I could turn back time and be the girl I used to be, confident, outgoing and not caring what people thought of me.


I have some things to think about now, plus I'm supposed to be working and I'm being a bit naughty being on here!

Stay tuned!

[losin4good1980]

Aww you make me wanna cry! Well you stick with this and you will start to see results in no time and then you'll be after me all the darned time to go out dancing!! And I feel the same way you do, but by the time I get a few in my, I don't care anymore and KNOW I am hawt stuff!!

I can't wait to hear all about this South Beach diet tomorrow at breakfast!!

Glad you started a journal finally!
Love ya,
xoxoxo

[JoyInHope]

Hi Shannon!

It's great to see you've started a journal (I get a LOT of inspiration from folks journaling their progress!).

You're on the right track to make a positive change in your life; there's no turning back time, but you've got so much to look forward to and I know you can do this! Don't give up, work the South Beach program, and keep plugged into the challenge and your journal so you can follow this path along with the rest of us!

I know exactly how you feel about being overweight... it can be such a downer to go out and do fun stuff. But you are such a beautiful girl! And you gals (Maggie too!) with the fabulous long hair... I am so jealous! I'm sure the people that see you are recognizing you for your pretty eyes and your great smile - and you will soon see the successful weight loss that you're looking for!

Have a great day - I know you gals are out to breakfast this morning, so I hope you're having a fun time!

~ Cathy

[JoyInHope]

p.s. I want to go on your cruise!!! My avi is of me on a cruise in December 2005. The handsome fellow sitting next to me (you can't see him in the picture) is my dear son (seven years old at the time)... we had an amazing time, we went with our friends on a Carnival ship to Mexico.

Now I'm dreaming of another cruise..... oh, it was heaven.

~ Cathy

[abbydoodle30]

Well didn't get to post yesterday... pretty much slept most of the day from working 12 and a half hours the night before. Right now am trying to force down a bowl of Ricotta cheese with pumpkin pie spice, vanilla and Splenda. The only problem is I think the Cool Whip I put on top went bad like 5 months ago!

This morning for brekkie I had 2 fried eggs with ricotta cheese and Canadian bacon on them, a glass of V8 and a coffee with cream and Splenda. Tonight I had grilled skinless chicken breasts made on my new George Foreman Grill (yum!), brussel sprouts, cabbage, and "mock" mashed potatoes. I am really starting to enjoy cooking this way and there are so many things I can grill without having to go outside on the BBQ. Yep no more pumpkin ricotta for me, I think I'm gonna ralph...

Just kidding!

I spent 3 hours waiting at a garage today, I swear I read 5 magazines. Sooooo boring. Well I guess that is pretty much it for today, I gotta go feed the cat, he's yanging at me now.

[JoyInHope]

Just stopping by to say "Hi" and send some hugs since it's been a rough day for you, with the dog and all that. I say, cry when you need to. We girls reserve the right to bawl when we're hurting!

Hope you start feeling better soon... take care!
~ Cathy

[abbydoodle30]

Originally Posted by JoyInHope

Just stopping by to say "Hi" and send some hugs since it's been a rough day for you, with the dog and all that. I say, cry when you need to. We girls reserve the right to bawl when we're hurting!

Hope you start feeling better soon... take care!
~ Cathy

Thank you so much for thinking of me... it really means a lot. Well Abby is now at her new home and I think she'll be really happy. I really broke down when I was taking down her crate, it still smelled like her and I just lost it. I haven't cried like that in a long time but I have to say I did feel better after. At least now the cat is happy, he hasn't left my side in days!

[Mel78]

Hi Shannon Sorry its been so hard on you Glad to see you posting though!!! You must be at work now???

[losin4good1980]

OH SHANNON - (this is me yelling at you)... GET TO POSTIN' GIRL!

love you

[Mel78]

Hey there Shannon!!! Just checkin' in on ya girlie... Hope everything's OK!!! We miss you in the GUTTER!!!

[abbydoodle30]

Hello all who have ventured in here.. I've been a silent bystander for awhile now. I read the posts but have nothing much to say so I just watch. I don't know what my problem is, I guess I'll just be a fat girl for the rest of my damn life.

I wish I could be like you Maggie, I just have no willpower and frankly I just don't even care anymore what I look like. I feel like I've completely given up on myself and I've gone too far to come back. I am so proud of you, for what you have lost so far and what you will be losing in the future. Is it completely *****y of me to be a bit envious of your success? I don't want to feel this way but sometimes my brain veers off in the wrong direction.

I don't feel like I'm a part of anything anymore, I don't know where I stand in the world and I just feel so ugly. I can barely look at myself in the mirror now, I am really hating myself today. Don't worry though, I don't want to hurt myself or anything like that, I just wish my heart didn't feel so heavy.

Why can't I just be happy?

How do you all become happy?

What is happy?

[losin4good1980]

Oh my sweet Shannon.

I wish I had the words to inspire you to do what I KNOW you can do.

This is going to sound really dumb and if I was on the other end (in your shoes) reading this I would tell you to blow it out your @$$. But the thing is - I have been there so many times in the past - not caring anymore how I look.. telling myself "I don't need to lose weight - Wade loves me the way I am" etc etc.. well you KNOW how many different darned things I have tried - Nutri System.. Weight Watchers (THREE TIMES).. numerous diet pills .... and for some reason this time with Atkins just clicked for me. And don't worry about being envious or jealous at what I've accomplished - I totally understand how you feel. It's weird though me being on the other end and finally losing but I guess I've just had enough finally and know I can make this work.

You need to find that certain something that you can click with and make work. I STILL think you can do Atkins .. or even South Beach... I wish I could understand what is making you .. pardon me.. give up. Do you not feel like you are worth it? Cause you are and it's NOT too late - look at Mel - look at all the others out here on this board that have felt the exact same way you are feeling right now.. something worked for them - finally - and the same thing can and will happen for you.

I know you can do this Shannon and I don't want you to give up - I'm not going to let you. You are worth so much more and you ARE beautiful and maybe it's time to start wondering what got you to this place to begin with and find out what your "trigger" foods are for binging.. that's what I am starting to do anyway. You do have willpower - it's just that right now your blood sugars are all out of whack and THAT is what is making you want to eat the bad stuff (I think).. I dunno.. frig I'm not a doctor and I hate feeling like I'm preaching to you - I just won't give up on you though - I know that much!!

I'm hoping Mel will read this and be able to give you some wonderful advice as she is known for to help you get through this - we are all here for you - this is what this site is for.....

Anyway - just baby steps for now.. see what food plan fits with YOU and what YOU like to eat.. that's the only thing I can think of... *sigh* I wish I could just give you a big hug - well that's a lie.. I hate hugs.. but you know I love you and I will see you tomorrow at noon. We can talk more then.

xoxoxoxo
moi

[JoyInHope]

Hi Shannon! Gosh, there are times I feel the same way as you do.... I'm loving everything that Maggie said, though!

Everytime I see you post somewhere, I'm thinking two things.... 1) what a pretty girl you are and I'm sure your photo doesn't even totally do you justice! and 2) that your stats are almost exactly like mine where a few years ago!

I don't have all the answers, but I really think you can do this! Under Atkins (compared to other low-fat or low-calorie plans) your body works FOR you once you get the carbs out of your system. So it takes only a little willpower to fight little cravings, instead of battling those huge stomach grumbles that call for carbs under a low-cal plan. It works for me and that's why I keep trying to do it.

The other thing is that you need to find the motivator for YOU. Your husband is going to love you no matter what (how could he not, you're a beauty!) and you're going to be a good mom and a great friend and all the rest no matter what the scale says. Maybe it's the cruise, maybe it's that you want to look sexy, maybe it's that you want to prove it to somebody that you can do it. Whatever IT is, look at that so you can remember how important IT is everytime you're tempted to go off plan.

But honey, if your heart isn't at peace when you look in the mirror, your whole life is going to be a little less happy, a little less confident, and over time that makes gals like us miserable! So don't give up forever!

Maybe you can try journalling your food (that's helped me -I'm real honest there, even if I don't tell everyone on the boards when I'm cheating) using fitday.com or dailyplate.com. Figure out if there's one thing you can tackle right away, like eliminating night eating or maybe just moving all the junk food into a cupboard at home that you vow not to open. Do something that doesn't have a weight-loss goal associated with it, so it's more of a pre-planning for jumping back on the wagon.

And don't give up posting here on these boards.... as hokey as it sounds, I feel a certain comfort in knowing that these real people all over the world are sharing the same struggle that I have. And when I can't really share that with my family/friends here, I so appreciate that I can drop by these boards and bare my soul.

Take care, Shannon.

[abbydoodle30]

Thanks Cathy and of course Maggie... I think I'm going to try portion control for now... and thanks for the idea of the food journal thingy. I just don't want food to control my life and I don't want to have to think about it 24/7. Thanks Cathy for the compliment, everytime I see your pic I just think you are so cute! Like a pixie! (I think pixies are cute haha!) Well I am here at work... only 6 hours to go then I go over to Mag's for a bit. Talk to ya later!

[JoyInHope]

Hi Shannon! Can I come over to Maggie's too??? I always wanted a sister (got stuck with an older brother).... you girls strike me as being that close!

I'm sorry you're working today (I guess it's probably afternoon/evening where you are....).

I think I know just exactly how you felt when you wrote that yesterday. I had those same feelings when I weighed 238 (day I had my son!) and at 206 (day I decided to start Atkins) and even today! And even though my jeans are smaller these days, I still struggle with feeling like that!

I have a lovely friend and she's 100% totally sure of herself and sexy and dating and all that, and she is a big girl. She doesn't let her weight slow her down at all and I think she is truly confident that she is beautiful at her size (and she is, I just love her!). But the point is, I don't feel that way a lot of the time.... not that I'm like those anorexic girls that think they're fat, it's just that I know what I see on myself and I want to be better.

So I gotta keep working on it. And you should too.... until you find that place on the scale or in the mirror where you feel as beautiful as you are to all the rest of us!

I'm so glad you are here! It's great that you and Maggie have each other to lean on. Have a great day, Shannon!

~ Cathy

[abbydoodle30]

God I'm reading what I wrote a few days ago and it just seems so whiny and selfish. At least I have a roof over my head and I have people who care about me. I really need to grow up I think and stop being such a crybaby. i don't have any sisters either so it is nice to have someone so close to being one. I have 2 older brothers and we hardly even talk. Well I have 5 more hours of being here... it's just really slow today and it's making the time drag. Check back soon!

[JoyInHope]

You have a right to a bad day, Shannon - don't apologize for 'whining' because I think it's really brave that you're courageous enough to admit when things get you down.

And you never have to grow up - stay a kid at heart, that'll keep you young (and you are young - 30!). The struggles of your life are just as serious to you as those other people. You're hardworking and blessed to have all the basics, but it's not wrong at all to want to deal with the other stuff in your life!

Sorry work is dragging. Let me know if I'm bugging you by replying, I'm just doing a little online shopping today and hanging out being lazy.

Go check out www.thedailyplate.com if you want to.... I keep my food journal there and all of my exercise. I was lauging last night because after I screwed up my eating, I wanted to at least include the activity (exercise?) of shopping all afternoon. So I tried to find if shopping was listed as an activity (it estimates the calories you burn based on your weight), I only found grocery shopping... but it also listed calories burned for a lot of other things like washing your dog, s#x, painting a room. Why not identify calories burned for power shopping?

~ Cathy

[abbydoodle30]

No of course you aren't bugging me! I went to dailyplate.com and put in the stuff I ate today so far... it's fun to do that but there is nowhere to put (computer sitting down work) for an activity. BAH! I like this site much better than fitday, I found that one too confusing. It tells me how many calories left I can have for the day in order to lose 1.5 pounds a week. Neat huh? Takes the guesswork off me somewhat. Do you like Ebay? What sites do you go to shop online? I've gone to Amazon, Ebay and a few other ones but it's hard to get stuff shipped to Canada for a low price.

[losin4good1980]

Hey Shanny -

Awwww I don't have a sister either so I know how you feel about us being so close.. I love it

I'm going to go check out the daily plate website too. I too find Fitday a tad confusing so maybe this one will help. I find I did better and stayed on plan when I used Fitday everyday and I haven't used it since the day I went off plan so ... back on it!

Don't worry about whining - it's exactly as Cathy said. She's so shmart
I'm glad you're back into thinking about losing weight instead of the so called pity party - which is what I've been doing today (going to go talk in my journal about that actually).... so yay!

Brayden just left with Wade - mom is watching him overnight - SWEET! I love him to death, but I need a break!

See you in a few!
xoxoxo

[losin4good1980]

Wow - I love the DailyPlate!!! I can eat 1700 cal a day to lose 2lbs a week. SWEET! But just my pizza alone today was (LMAO) 138 carbs.. so add on my wrap thing from lunch (9 carbs)... 147 cabrs today! LOL ahhh ya just gotta laugh. I'm done with taking this so seriously. You're damned if you do - damned if you don't.. so.. whateva happens - happens Sorry Shanny if I made you uncomfortable at all these past 2 months with my Team America attitude.. LOL.. "America --- F*** yeah!" LOL
I need to get my sense of humor back.

[JoyInHope]

Originally Posted by abbydoodle30

... it's fun to do that but there is nowhere to put (computer sitting down work) for an activity.

Shannon - I set myself up in www.thedailyplate.come as a couch/computer potato for activity level when I calculate my daily calorie needs. So I figure as a baseline what calories I need each day, if I just sit and work. When I do something else for activity (such as walking, strength training, or other stuff <<never the s#x, dammit >>) then I add that in for the day.

I can find most food in their system, but sometimes I improvise a little. I don't always measure every bite, but I eyeball stuff and always enter it in no matter what I eat; so sometimes that brutal honesty answers when I wonder why the scale ain't dropping.

One more thing.... my trainer had me eating on her program six meals a day. I think that makes sense, just like you can't fill up your car with more fuel than the tank holds, I try not to eat all my calories/carbs at a time. Nights are worst for me, especially if I've under-ate during the day. But it all comes out into my food journal... so I find it helpful even if I blow it.

I am trying to do a low-cal version of low-carb.... I know that many say that's a 'no-no' but I find it works for me best. I think the program calculates I can have about 2,150 calories per day to maintain my couch-potato weight; and that's pretty accurate for me. To lose a couple of pounds each week, I'm supposed to be around 1,250 calories per day. I know that may be low for Atkins but I usually am coming in at around 1,500 average calories AND moderate-carb (about 20-40 grams) for a two-pound loss per week.

My plan for this week.... is to be 'good' with my eating for the next five days. And on Thanksgiving, I'm going to pace myself. I won't eat rolls or taters, but will have a little taste of some things that I don't get often. I will wait until about three hours after dinner to have a peice of pumpkin pie (maybe I'll make a low-carb version?). And I will enjoy a couple of glasses of wine , because that's what it takes to get thru the day with my large extended family!

Have fun tonight with Maggie! Take it easy!
~ Cathy

[JoyInHope]

Geeshhhhh... call me Chatty Cathy today! I need to get something to do on weekends when my son is gone to his dad's..... but I kind of like to veg at home at times like this.

Anyway, I like to shop a lot online and don't buy a ton of stuff. I've got a few Ebay thing and Amazon things.... I like to order shoes from Zappos.com to cheer me up because it's free shipping and free returns. Mostly I just like to look, price-compare, and get informed before I buy things. We don't have a lot of good stores around here so I sometimes buy online when I know that the quality and fit is good.

~ Cathy

[abbydoodle30]

Originally Posted by JoyInHope

Zappos.com

Never heard of it.. not much of a shoe hound myself. I'll have to check it out. Well I only have 1 hour to go!! Woohoo! Take care and don't worry about the S*X... I haven't had that since September...

[losin4good1980]

Originally Posted by JoyInHope

Geeshhhhh... call me Chatty Cathy today! I need to get something to do on weekends when my son is gone to his dad's..... but I kind of like to veg at home at times like this.

Anyway, I like to shop a lot online and don't buy a ton of stuff. I've got a few Ebay thing and Amazon things.... I like to order shoes from Zappos.com to cheer me up because it's free shipping and free returns. Mostly I just like to look, price-compare, and get informed before I buy things. We don't have a lot of good stores around here so I sometimes buy online when I know that the quality and fit is good.

~ Cathy

**Thread jack** sorry Shan!

Cathy I love your posts - never stop!! YOU NEED to get your own journal girl - it's so easy to do it.. just do it.. come on!!!
Zappos.com? I should check it out. I have huge feet and I can never find any nice shoes. I like Payless.com - but they don't ship to Canada So I have ugly dressed feet WAAAAAAAH ... I wish I had a relative that lived in the states so I could send it to them and then have them mail it to me... ah well. anywho - GET A JOURNAL BEBE!

[JoyInHope]

Sorry Maggie.... zappos.com says it doesn't ship outside the USA either. There's some wild (and expensive!) stuff on there, though. I considered ording a $453 pair of boots just to try on, but I'd probably like them and have to sell a kidney to keep them!

Okay Shannon - my friend sent this to me and I'm cracking up! So here goes....

The Cruise Ship
DEAR DIARY . DAY ONE
I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all my pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited.
__________________________________
DEAR DIARY DAY TWO
We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice man.
_________________________________
DEAR DIARY DAY THREE
I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle boarding and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a wonderful time. He is a very
attractive and attentive gentleman.
__________________________________
DEAR DIARY . DAY FOUR
Went to the ship's casino ... Did OK . Won about $80. The Captain invited me to have dinner with him in his state room. We had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. I told him there was no way I could be unfaithful to my husband.
__________________________________
DEAR DIARY . DAY FIVE
Went back to the pool today and got a little sunburned. I decided to go to the piano bar and spend the rest of the day inside. The Captain saw me and bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a charming gentleman. He again asked me to visit him for the night and again I declined. He told me that if I didn't let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was appalled.
__________________________________
DEAR DIARY DAY SIX
I saved 1600 lives today. Twice.

~ Cathy (feeling very repentant for spreading such off-color humor)