~OVER & OVER AGAIN~ "My Secret Pain" Journal

[Embraced]

Today is Octobter 22, 2006, and its a Sunday. Its almost 2'o clock in the afternoon and I'm sitting here
thinking how I could let myself gain the weight back that I have?

HOW I COULD LET THAT HAPPEN.......

HOW I COULD LET MYSELF DOWN ??????

After everything that I went through to lose the weight that I did lose and to be able to fit in the clothes
that I was able to fit into.
I actually for a change looked, and felt good about myself and how I looked.
I didn't want to hide my body , I didn't want to pull and stretch my shirts to hide my stomach, I could actually
stop wearing stretch clothes, and I was finally wearing blue jeans again.
I wasn't ashamed of how I looked.
It was an AWESOME feeling but now I feel bummed out, depressed and I have a I don't care attitude...
I think, to myself, is there something wrong with me?

Do I not understand what I'm doing to myself or what I have done to myself?

Do I know get that when you eat and eat, when you stuff your face with food, like the food is not going to
be there day after day and you have to hurry and eat it, or it will all be gone, is destructive behavior to me,
to my body and everything that I have accomplished??

I was doing so good, I wasn't over eating, I was only eating when I was hungrey and then still that wasn't
much, I had my eating habits under control and then all of the sudden, BOOM, they went HAYWIRE!!!!

Now, I set and think how I can fix this problem and make it right? How I can get back on track and lose the
weight once again?
How I can be strong and figure out what happened and not let it happen again?
I'm hoping with keeping this journel on a daily basis, I will see my mistakes before they happen and stop them.
Or at least catch them when they are happening and stop them.
Correct them, work through them, something..
I just think and think about all my mistakes and I still keep making them, whats the deal?

I guess today is a day to think and really look at myself and see what I'm doing to myself.
To talk to myself and look, I mean really look at my body and see what I have done,
all with food that is going to be here whether I'm fat or skinny.
Food that is everywhere you turn,food that is going to be here, everyday whether I'm fat
or skinny and simply food its never going to run out, its always going to be avaiable.

GET IT, UNDERSTAND IT.....

FOOD WILL ALWAYS AND FOREVER BE HERE and you will ALWAY BE FAT, if you do not understand that
and accept that.

Stop stuffing your face with everything that you can find, eating non stop and still thinking you can eat
more, that you are not full.
When deep down inside you know better,you are just eating and eating for no
reason whatsoever.

One meal after another.... Snacks, soda, chips, sandwitches, and on and on..
Then you have that one last day or that one last meal that you say to yourself come on, lets eat what
we want and however much we want and then we will start next meal or the next day. But you never
start, you just keeping eating putting that day off or that meal.....

Well, its taken me all day to write this and now I'm going to post to my journal, in hopes that I'm on
a life changing journey in everyway possible.

[Topazz]

You can do it. Start over... take one meal at a time. Best wishes

[Embraced]

Hello ......... My Friend
And all you have taken the time to read about a strangers heartache,
I really never thought that anyone would be interested in reading about me or my mistakes.....
So hello and thank you...

Well, Journal,

My Friend, I guess Monday, which is tommorrow I/we will start a new and fresh journey together,
step by step, second by second, moment by moment and day by day.
I will start with baby steps and I will win the battle once again.

I will wear those BLUE JEANS again, with PRIDE, I will smile again because I know I look good
in what I'm wearing and I will not be embrassed anymore because my stomach is hanging
for more then it ever should of, in far too many areas.
I will be able to wear what I want and when I want too and I will not have to wear big
and baggy shirts and stretch pants ANYMORE....

Its not going to be easy, it has never been easy for me by any means this I know,
but I know that I want to be skinny again, I know that I want to wear the clothes that
I would like to wear, the clothes that are not so big because I'm trying to hide all the weight
that I have gained back but clothes that are small that show all the weight that I have lost.

Lord, give me strength, encouragement, wisdom, determination, and willpower.

Give me the patience, the desire, the willingness, the time and the drive....

Give me your hand and lead me down the path of eating right, the way I should be
and not stuffing myself just to be eating. the way I shouldn't be.

In Jesus name I ask.....

Well, here I go, wish me luck, my friend, because I know with all my heart and soul
that I'm going to need every ounce of all that I can get, to get through with this one more time...

I will commit to you, to report in daily and to journal my feelings, my thoughts, my pain,
my hurts, what is happening, what plan I'm doing and how much weight I'm losing or not losing....

I will bare my soul, my intermost thoughts, my successes and my failures,
my ugliness and my angry.
You will see, feel, know and hear all......

I will strive to do my best, this I promise with everything that I have and all that I am....
I must also remember that no one can do this for me but me...

To remember that I need myself to believe that whatever I decide to do,
and however I decide to do it, it can be done and accomplished all the way.

THAT I CAN REACH THE FINISH LINE AND BE A WINNER, NOT A LOSER !!!!!!!

That once I have started there is no going back, no stopping, no excuses
no overeating, no breaking my word that I'm giving to myself and no giving in for
any reason whatsoever...

There is no reason good enough to OVEREAT and be FAT..... NONE

I MUST BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR ALL MY ACTIONS.....

I MUST BELIEVE....

[Shirlgirl]

Wow i could have written that myself
I wish you all the best it seems you have your head in the right place which is a huge plus
take care
Shirl

[TXLoser]

Originally Posted by Embraced

I/we will start a new and fresh journey together,
step by step, second by second, moment by moment and day by day.
I will start with baby steps and I will win the battle once again.

This is how we tackle this journey...baby steps...

YOU CAN DO THIS

[Embraced]

Well, Hello My Friend

Mmmmmmm, where do I start?

Well, I have to be honest with both you and myself, right?
So I will begin with, I just wanted to sleep all day, pull the covers up over my head
and stay in bed.
I was thinking, if I can sleep through a couple of days with not eating then maybe I
will be in control again of my eating habits...
Now how stupid does that sound? I'm not a bear, I can not hibernate.....
Pretty lame huh?
So here I am posting and saying my feelings and thinking about what I'm going to do.

I have not had anything to eat yet, just not really thinking about food, which is good I guess,
but I'm also scared to even start eating because then I have this problem, I can't stop...
Sounds stupid, I know, even as I'm typing it, I'm looking at my words and thinking MY GOD,
what is wrong with me?????

I know I have to be strong, I have to know that I'm the only one that can take this weight off,
and if I don't do it, its not magic and it just wont fall of me by its self.

I have been reading alot on the boards, everything I can find, about plans, challenges, groups,
lossess, struggles, heartaches, joy, laughter and so on.
There is so much AWESOME information here on this site, so many neat people, that I just
adore this site and all that it brings to individuals such as myself.

Today begins my weight loss, no matter what....

BELIEVE.........

[Embraced]

Hello Dear Friend

Where have you been my long lost friend......

I know, you have been right here and I have been
avoiding you....
Ugh, today was hard and its not over yet....
I have stress, children, a hubby and now trying to lose weight
yet again to deal with daily.....

THAT IS ALOT for any woman to handle all at once.....

But anyways, here we go.....
I dranked alot of water today, had 3 boiled eggs, and 4 pieces of ham.
Good or bad, that is what I had.
No sweets, no bread products of any type and no cheese.
But I sure wish I could have some cereals right now.
For some reason I would love a bowl of Rasin Bran, is that odd or what?
Ohhh, and COKE, I would love a coke on ice.....
But I have held strong, I haven't given in, no COKE, no CEREAL!!!!

I will do this..
I will make it...
I will lose this ugly weight once again....

I MUST BELIEVE.......

MEMO TO MYSELF......

You must remember: All of the food that you see, will ALWAYS
and FOREVER be there, its not going to run out, its not going anywhere.

And neither will you, if you do not get your head on straight and realize
that if you want that skinny body, then you have to work for it,
nothing comes easy, nothing is just handed to you and nothing comes cheap.
REMEMBER...........

BE:LIEVE.........

[Embraced]

Hello & Good Morning

Welllllll, I weighed today and the scale says 166.4.
I have a digital scale and this was the reading...
I weighed twice to be sure...
ITS A START !!!!!!

I did not cheat yesterday at all, I dranked my water
and I guess you would say that I'm following the meat & egg plan
that is posted on the boards.
I need to read more about that plan & make sure I'm doing it correctly.
I was going to water fast but then I thought no,
if I do that when I first start back to trying to lose my weight
then I will set myself up for failure.
I will not make it.
I knew this in my heart and and in my soul.
So I have gone with the M/E Plan.
So far it looks to be working, I hope it continues,
I like seeing my weight go down...
It gives me hope that I can do this, that all is not lost.

Well, I have not eaten anything yet today, I'm just not
hungrey yet but when I'm I will eat because I do not want to
deprive myself to where I just start eating everything that I see.

I know that doesn't make sence but I guess my way of thinking is
strange because if I think I can't have something
then I show myself that I can, by having it.
Good or Bad...
That is why, I have to BELIEVE in myself and take one step at a time.
I have to break my eating habits all over again.
I have to start from scratch, and know that eating one meal
after another is not what I should be doing,
and I have to know that you only need to eat
till you are full, not busting.

O'kay on with my day, wish me luck....
I will try and come back later and let you know how
my day is going...

BELIEVE........

[Embraced]

Hello Dear Journal

Today is going good so far, and its almost to the end of the day,
so I would say that I have made it through yet another day cheat free...

YIPEEEEEEEEEEE
I can do this, I can do this, just like the little Cho-Cho- train...

I want to make it, I want the weight off, I want to look
good once again in a pair of blue jeans, and a small shirt.
Not an oversize shirt that is hanging almost to my knees
to hide my stomach.

I finally feel that I can do this...
I finally feel that I will do this ...

Wheeeeeeee, I was so worried that I wouldn't make it,
that I would give in to my cravings, that I would cheat,
that I would let myself down, yet once again...
But I haven't so far and I hope & pray with everything that
I have that I will not let myself down....

Well, that is all i have to say for now, but i will be back to report the end of my day...

Thanks for giving me some where to come and talk and tell my intermost feelings, to bare my heart and soul...

BELIEVE.....

[dantesmom]

what great heartfelt entiries you have. Such honesty will no doubt help you on this road. I say journal as often as you need to especially at first. Your posts sound veryhealing. I am really enjoying reading them. We can do it, even if its 5 minutes at a time.

[Embraced]

Helloooooooo My Dear Friend

So sorry so late posting, but I have had a busy day with
my sons and my husband.
Running errands here and there, grandparents visiting, ect.
So I'm just now having ME time, where I can sit down
and actually even think about what I need to do, and what I have to do.

Which is GREAT in away, because all day I have not thought
about food, what to eat or what to drink.....

YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
ONE FOR THE GOOD GUYS....

I weighed this morning but I didn't see the scale move much,
down to 166, which isn't bad I guess, but I would like to see
the scale go down more, who wouldn't ?????

Still eating the Meat/Egg Plan, drinking lots of water
and PRAYING really hard that I will do it this time
and keep on the right path, with eating correctly,
not over doing it, watching myself and limiting myself,
to when its enough, its enough.

NO MORE !!!!!!!!
JUST ONE MORE MEAL, LET ME EAT WHAT I WANT TOO,
AND I WILL START TOMMORROW !!!!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOO

BECAUSE TOMMORROW WILL NEVER COME....
AND YOU KNOW THISSSSSSSSS

You will keeep saying that, and making yourself believe that,
when deep down in your heart and soul, you know its not the
truth and you know what you will do...

I do not have to stuff my face to be full, or to even be satisified,
I do not have to eat everything that I see, when I see it.
FOOD, is always going to be everywhere you look,
and you are always going to be FAT, yes, that is what you are FAT,
till you realize that food does not control you, you control food.

You control what goes into your mouth, no one else does.
You control your wants, needs, desires...
You control, EVERYTHING that goes on in your life, no one else does..
And I do mean EVERYTHING that goes on in your life...
The way you eat, the way you look, the way you act, the way you
take care of yourself, the way you treat yourself and others
around you, and the list can go on and on, with everything
that you control.

So stop being a baby, stop feeling sorry for yourself and get it in gear,
do what you have to do for you, do you hear me???

You will be on day 3 tommorrow, and you have not cheated,
you haven't even really thought about cheating too hard,
to where you just dwell and dwell on it all day long,
and day after day it gets easier and easier...
So hang in there, you will see this through, YOU WILL...

BELIEVE.........

P.S. Thank You Sally, its been so hard, filled with much tears, pain,
heartache and soul baring.
Alot of searching and hair pulling, its really been a mess, I tell you...
But I know in the long run, when its all said and done, it will all be worth it.
I know I want this, you have to want this, or you will never be able to get through it,
day by day, even second by second.
Its tough, that is not a lie.
Anyone that says its easy, hasn't been where I have been.
Food is an addiction , and I know that, finally
and I have to not let it control me, but me control it.
So I thank you and anyone else that is taking the time to read my journal,
because its from the heart and soul.
I always want to be honest and upfront, and I always want to know that I'm giving it
EVERYTHING that I have....

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR YOUR KIND POST

[dantesmom]

still here cheerin ya on hun. DOnt cheat cuz the onlyone you cheat is urself and you are worth sooooo much more. One foot in front of the other babe, one foot in front of the other.

[Embraced]

Hello Journal of Mine

The night is closing and I still have not cheated...
Can you believe it?

I'm so excitted and happy for myself..

I can not believe that I'm actually pulling this off...
That I'm actually sticking to my words, that my mind is letting me stay true, to myself
and my promices.

I know I still have a long way to go, but at least I'm working on getting there
and not just sitting there saying, "I'll start tommorrow".

I know that I do not want to cheat, no matter what I do not want to cheat..
I think if I cheat, it will be the death of me and all that I'm trying to accomplish..
If I cheat, it will cause me to fail and fall into the trap of overeating....
[Yeap, I do that too, overeating was a hobby of mine] or I did, till 3 days ago...

And I just can't do that, I can't do that to myself once again, I can't let myself down
and return to my old eating habits, I just CAN'T...
It would destroy my soul, it would tear my heart into. It would play mind games with my head.

And this can not, will not happen..

I'am thinking to myself about all my feelings, my heartaches, my sorrows,
and the sadness that I have faced being overweight.
So embrassed at my weight, always believeing that I was sooo ugly,
just hummiliated even to go out in public.
Always feeling that I was being watched, looked at, felt sorry for, humored, tolerated,
and even joked about.

I have hated mirrows for so long.
And to have my picture taken has been just out right heart wrinching.

I'm so praying that all that will change, that I will look good for a change and stay that way,
that I can wear the clothes that I have been dying to wear,
that I can smile again and not be embrassed..

THAT I CAN HOLD MY HEAD UP HIGH...

So many feelings and so much hurt, but I will overcome and I will survive.
I will make it and I will be a stronger person...

Come on, day 4 is coming....

BELIEVE......

[dantesmom]

WOHOOOO! NO CHEATING!!!!!

lots of for you!

[Embraced]

Thank you Sandy so Much......

Hello Dear and Faithful Friend...

Today is day 4 and I'm still doing good....
Don't get me wrong, I'm having my moments, just like anyone would that is trying
to stop being addictive to anything in their life that is not good for them.
Trying to curb your eating habits, is just as bad as trying to quit smoking or
any other bad habit that you are trying to break.

Its takes patience, endurance, willpower, determination, strength, understanding,
desire, just anything and everything that you can muster up to get it done...

IT WILL TAKE !!!!!!!

IT TAKES IT ALL !!!!

EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE TO GIVE AND THEN SOME !!!!!!!

Well, on to my journey, its day 4, no weight loss today to report, but that is o'kay,
I'm not worried [sitting in a corner bitting my nails, saying I had better see weight loss tommorrow, HeHe! ],
I will see weight loss tommorrow, I just know I will.

Today is going alright so far, no HUGE cravings,
drinking my water and just taking those baby steps....

Well, I had better go for now, I have a thousand and one things that I still have to do today,
and I'm running behind on everything because of my son feeling ill today.

Will be back later though....

BELIEVE..........
I have to say that everyday, I have too....

[Embraced]

Hello Dairy, Journal, Dear Friend....

I had a break so I wanted to pop in and say hello.

Well, today is going alright, But I have been thinking about my goals and I have decided,
please don't laugh and don't think I can't do it...

I WOULD LIKE TO LOSE ALL MY WEIGHT..........
Mmmmmmmmmmmm
Should I say it??????

Before December 1st.......

I know, its a short time, I know that is alot of weight to lose,
but I believe that I can do it.

I CAN....

I have to have a goal, somthing to shoot for, and even though it may sound unrealilistic,
I'm still going to shoot for it, with everything that Im have and all that I'am...

I'm NOT GOING TO CHEAT, I'm NOT GOING TO GIVE IN,

I'm going to work my butt off for the first time in my life and get what I want.

ONLY I~~~~~~~

Can give myself that gift, I'm the one with the power..
So get busy lady, you can do it, don't back off, and work your mind body and soul.
You will reach your goal, if you believe and you are determined.
You will weigh what you want too,
food is NOT ALL THAT, YOU are ALL THAT...

O'kay move it woman, you don't have long and the days are flying by...
Before you know, it will be December, whether you have lost weight or not...
You have the power to go into the New Year, with excess baggage or without......

Keep that in mind when you are looking at all that food,
and remember when you eat it where it ends up...

Talk to later, kiddo

BELIEVE........

[Embraced]

Hello

Its another entry in the old journal today....
My boys are watching TV, my husband is at work, he works nights and I have some free time
to ponder on my day, my emotions, my thoughts and my feelings.
I really hate the time when you have nothing to do because then, for me anyways
I have time to think about food, I have time to look in my kitchen,
I have time to look at all the food that I cant have for this reason or that.
And believe me there is alot of food in my kitchen, with my husband
and 3 growing teenage boys, there has to be.
From snacks of every kind you can imagine, to different kinds of breads, sweets of all kinds,
cereals [to many to mention], chips of all sorts, and on and on the list goes.
We have veggies and fruits too of all kinds, and all kinds of health foods
because of my middle son this is what he likes with his daddy.
So you see my house is A FOOD PRISON oh my goddddddddd !!!!!

Its pure H-----, but I try to avoid the kitchen as much as possible and as often as possible...
Fixing meals is alright, I fix what I can have and then I fix what my family is having,
and that seems to be working out alright, but there are still those moments,
those times when I wish I could eat what I wanted too when I wanted too and however much I wanted too.
But geezzzzz, lets think about that for a moment shall we??
I think that is why, I'm in the situation that i'm in now, don't you think???

So we have learned a lesson, haven't we, that you are not the type of person that can eat when they want too,
however much that they want too and however often that they want too, are you?

NO YOU ARE NOT !!!!!!!!!!

You have to have limits you have to be incontrol and you have to watch what you eat,
when you eat and how much you eat...
Took you long enough to figure that out didn't it?
Too many pounds later you finally figure that out....
UGH....

Well that is enough soul searching for now, before I make myself emotionally sick with reliving
all my mistakes and errors of my eating habits.
The way I watched myself pile on the pounds but didn't stop it, the way, I ate myself to this weight,
day and night and didn't care enough about myself to stop,
to get a grip on what I was doing to myself or to my body.
The stretching of my skin to be able to hold all the fat that I was piling on my body day by day,
the huge clothes to hide the ugly fat, and the hiding my body from my husband at any cost.

What a price I have paid...
I'm tired of paying that price....

I want to be unashamed of my body, of how I look and what I wear....
And I will be, this a promise to myself with my whole heart and soul.

NO EMPTY PROMISES HERE..........

BELIEVE.........






Its a torture chamber I tell you...

[Embraced]

Dear Dear Journal

Late night tonight, so I wanted to come here
and just reflect on my journey so far.

Well, we know for sure that it hasn't been a long journey,
kinda of short, meaning me just starting this journal
but I have so much to reflect on and to think on these last few days
while I have been journaling my feelings, thoughts, desires, moods,
and just to bare my soul and open my heart.

Like right now, I want to raid the kitchen and
eat whatever I find but I know that is a stupid thing to do,
a horrible thing to even think of doing.
How can I even think like that ???

How much longer are you going to put yourself through this misery?
Don't you just get it yet?

You can't keep eating the way you want too.
You can't eat just anything....
You can't eat whenever you feel like it,
especially when its the wrong food...

WHAT PART OF THAT, DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ????

Do you want to lose weight?
Do you want to be able to wear bluejeans again,
actual TIGHT BLUEJEANS [ like you use too, before you let food
rule your world, your life, your very soul], that brings you whistles
when you walk by a construction crew ,
or looks of disgust when you walk by ?

WHICH WOULD YOU PREFER ????

Do want to wear sexy clothing for your husband and
not be ashamed of how you look in it?
Or old granny cotton gowns, till you die???
Its your choice........
Come on, think about it? I mean really think about it.
You are always looking at the new and excitting evening
wear but yet you want wear it, you wont even buy it.
Because deep down inside you say to yourself, look at all this flab,
it will be hanging everywhere, if I was to wear this....
I would look like a joke and feel like one too.
What man, would like to see that?

Aren't you tired of wearing BIG/BAGGY clothes to hide your appearance?
TO HIDE YOUR FAT, or so you think....
NEWS FLASH........
You are not hiding NOTHING...
Everyone can see how big you are and all the fat that is on your body..
You are not skinny, you are FAT, FAT, FAT.........
Do you hear me and you will be, till you get it through your head
that you have to lose the weight once and for all,
and you have to do it, no matter what, no matter what food you see,
no matter what is in your house, no matter what you are craving
and no matter, what you think you have to have, or need to survive..

YOU NEED TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT TO SURVIVE...

That is all you need to remember....

So stop thinking about FOOD, its your emeny for right now,
till you have it under cotrol. Till you can understand you
only eat till your full, not till you can't walk or move comfortably...

O'kay, drink that water, eat on plan, focus, believe,
struggle but pull through and know in your heart,
feel in your soul, be determined in your mind
you are SPECIAL and you are WORTH it...

BELIEVE.........

[Embraced]

Hello Dear Friend Of Mine.....................

I'm here to post, but not really feeling like it..
But I promises myself that no matter what, I would post to you,
each and everyday, so I will keep that promise, no matter what....
I'm not real happy with myself or what is happening today,
that is why I have not posted already...
I have no weight loss to report today at all,
and I do not understand that, maybe I'm not eating enough,
or drinking enough water, but something is wrong, I would think....
I weigh first thing in the morning, every morning, after you know,
you do your bathroom thingie, on my digital scale and I'm still at 166...
NO LOSS........
For 2 days in a row now, NO LOSS, this concerns me,
not to lose at least something, don't you think?

I don't know, and I will not lie to you or to myself, its a let down,
its discouraging and its playing with my mind.
You start hearing all kinds of crazy things,
I guess that is yourself reasoning with you or trying to break your resolve...
You know I'm hearing things like, why are you trying so hard when you are not getting anywhere,
why are you doing this, when you are not seeing results????

WHY, put yourself through this, when look, nothing is happening??

Yeap, stupid things like that are running through my mind
and so that is why I came here to post right away.
I do not need to be negative, I do not need to start thinking stupid things
that will sabotage all the work that I have done.

If I could of just seen a half of a pound gone or something,
it would of been different, but NOTHING for two days,
makes me nervous and worried...

Maybe I have been dieting on and off for too long and my body has had enough,
so I wll be a SLOW loser, because my body is trying to hold on to EVERYTHING that it can....UGH

If it is, I did this to myself, with all of the dieting I have done through the years,
with all the stress I have put on my body, back and froth, like a yoyo...

Man, if I could go back, I would just lose the weight the first time
and keep it off.
O'kay you can say that now, but would you really?
Come on, think about it...

I can tell today is going to be along day.....
Lord, give me strength to see this day through, to stay on plan, drink my water
and do what I need to do to lose this AWFUL,
ULGY unwanted weight of mine,
PLEASE, I ask in Jesus, perious name.

I NEED DUCK TAPE OVER MY MOUTH...............

BELIEVE.....

[Embraced]

REMEMBER

[Embraced]

Dear Sally,

I'm so very sorry, when I posted a THANK YOU for your kind words in a earlier journal entry,
I called you Sandy, as I was reading through my journal today,
I picked that up and I wanted to post an apology to you,
I meant to say/type Sally, so I have no idea where Sandy came from...

Please forgive me and thank you so much for reading along with me as I write in my journal.
On my day to day journey and all my rattling...
Thank again for following me, and if ever you have anything you would like to say,
any suggestions, advice, comments, just anything, feel free to jump right in.....

IT WOULD BE WELCOMED.....

I want to also say thank you to everyone that takes the time or has taken the time to read
a strangers heartache, struggles, soul baring, ugliness, tears, battles, and everything else
that I'm sure I will do, if I haven't already along this journey that I have decided to take.

I know that I will rattle, and maybe even go on and on about somethings over and over again,
I may even repeat myself a time or two but this is a journey for me to learn, grow, scream, yell,
kick, cry, try and fail, to learn, to crawl and succeed ,
if need be, to get to where I need and want to be with my weight loss, even with my life.
So I thank you all for your kindness in reading my journal, I hope it might even help someone,
but I doubt anyone is as messed up as I'am....










STUBBORN is my STRENGTH

In this JOURNEY to LOSE WEIGHT

WILLPOWER and DETERMINATION

IS THE NAME OF THIS GAME AND I'M GOING TO A WINNER.....

I WILL MAKE IT TO THE FINISH LINE.....


B E L I E V E BELIE