BlueBrooke's Babblings

[BlueBrooke]

New Moon -- time for new things.

It's been a rough several weeks, but I think I'm out of it now!

I started induction on 13 August and by 31 August was down to 193 pounds, which was pretty exciting. Then, I quit smoking and *whoosh* everything fell apart and got crazy and out of control. By the time I weighed in for the "XX Pounds Away by Christmas Day" challenge on 04 September, I had gained back twelve pounds!

When I quit smoking on 01 September, I knew there would be issues, but since I was ready I figured I'd quit smoking and deal with the fall-out later. I really didn't expect, though, that the fall-out would last almost two months!

I'm still depressed today, but not nearly as bad as I was. This feels more like a "yucky weather" thing than a "there's no hope for me" thing -- it's going to be all right. A really sweet, thoughtful PM from Purple Sage also makes me think it's gonna be okay.

I've tried to re-start several times in the past few weeks and frankly felt pretty silly with all the profile editing that was going on. But I'm feeling much better now and more optimistic, and have been keeping track for three days now.

Three days doesn't seem like a lot until you realize that I've had five opportunities in those three days to go off plan and haven't done it. I won't say it didn't cross my mind, but I really didn't want to. When I eat ice cream, chips, candy bars -- crap -- I feel like crap. I usually sit there afterwards trying to figure out why I wanted this stuff in the first place because it doesn't make me feel better, it really just makes me feel worse.

So here I am, on the evening of day three, and not the least bit interested in eating anything that isn't on my plan. This is the first time in one month, three weeks, and seven hours that I've been able to say that.

So I guess we're over the hump! Woo hoo!

I now have to re-lose the weight I gained back, but that's okay. I quit smoking -- that in itself is a great achievement! Doing the work again to lose those pounds is a really, really small price to pay in my mind.

So -- here we go! Weeeeeeeeeeee!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goal Progress -- 11 January 2008 -- 50 Years Old
You are currently 80 lb above the target weight.
The deadline for your goal is 446 days (63 weeks, 5 days) away.
To meet your goal you need to lose about 1.26 lb per week.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[BlueBrooke]

Today was a good day.

Tomorrow will be the big test. I have to go to town and will have a lot of time on my hands. I already asked the group for suggestions and got some great ones so I think everything will be fine.

[BlueBrooke]

I ate too much but it was still a success -- no "bad" stuff -- just too much of the "right" stuff.

I guess I'm relying too much on my scale for portions. When I'm not home and don't have the scale, I have trouble with them. I guess what I'll have to do is measure out portion size snacks and not rely on myself to do that when the time comes.

The other good news is that my fastings numbers are already starting to drop, as I knew they would. The highest the past few weeks has been in the 140s -- it's already down to 112 mg/dl yesterday and 111 mg/dl this morning.

[BlueBrooke]

Well, I didn't keep track of what I ate today, but no "cheats" so I guess everything will be okay.

I keep thinking I'm climbing out of it, but I'm not. Blast. I get so tired of this.

I'll be back when it's *really* over, and not just wishful thinking.

[BlueBrooke]

I'm feeling better -- thank goodness! I'm used to it, but it's still awful. I've also figured out that my problem isn't only depression -- apparently I also have some kind of mid-life crisis thing going on. Realizing that has made a huge difference and I even avoided a big binge this afternoon -- though I had means, motive and opportunity! LOL!

So maybe we're over the hump and on to better things. I sure hope so!

[BlueBrooke]

Just about a week ago I said I was feeling better. Having thought this almost every week since the first of September, I wasn't completely sold, but did think there was a good chance *this time* -- for whatever reason.

Here we are about a week later and I've been on plan all week -- even my two "tempting days" came out okay -- and I've lost eight pounds. To top it off, my FBG has gone from 124 mg/dl to 95 mg/dl this morning.

I'm starting the karate class on Tuesday -- I can't wait!

[BlueBrooke]

I finally did it. I joined the taekwondo class this afternoon and it was a blast! I knew if I could just get *in* there it would be all right, and it was. I have to admit I was pretty surprised at how out-of-shape I am -- and the instructor even told me, "It's harder than it looks, isn't it!" But everyone was wonderful -- no one made fun of me -- and even my son wasn't embarrassed that I was there and actually *wanted* to work with me.

It was a good day.

[BlueBrooke]

Oh -- I am so sore today! Class on Thursday will be interesting if I'm this sore today!

I thought I might gain some weight from water retention with the new exercise, but the scale says I lost a pound. Since my scale isn't terribly accurate, I'll just take that to meal I'm not ballooning -- yet.

It's a good day.

[Dblyn]

Hi Brooke , sounds like your doing great so far,Just wanted to send a little encouragement your way

[BlueBrooke]

Originally Posted by Dblyn

Hi Brooke , sounds like your doing great so far,Just wanted to send a little encouragement your way

Hi! Thanks! I really appreciate that, and it's nice to "meet" you.

[BlueBrooke]

I had my second day of class today and boy, was it tough. I am still sore all over (and in spots I didn't know I had), and then had quite a workout this afternoon. But it was so much fun. Everyone is being so nice -- one lady even said I looked "great" out there. I know she was just being nice -- I look like a beach ball with legs! But I appreciate the kindness and am having a great time.

I am really, really impressed with the way my son is handling the fact that his mom is in his class.

When I first mentioned joining the class months and months ago, I thought the poor kid was going to pass out and realized what I had said -- so I dropped it. With the homeschooling, we are together 24/7. Not only is it natural for him to "not want to be seen with his mother," it's also natural for him to want some time for himself with his friends. Not only that, but the class he was in back then was all kids except for one or two adults who were really helping the instructor -- they were black belts. I would have felt really out of place in that class.

This class, though, has all ages in it -- one lady who tested for her red belt a few weeks ago is 65 years old! So I wasn't totally surprised when my son started asking me, "When are you going to join, Mom?" But I did want to make sure he was going to be okay.

So I'm so pleased that not only is he not trying to act like he doesn't know me, but he's also very happy to be my partner when we're supposed to find one for drills, and other things.

I always thought he was a great kid. Now he's really proving it.

I am really sore and out of shape, but it's only a matter of time. I can already see that my punches and kicks are improving. Just gotta keep working at it.

This is really fun.

[BlueBrooke]

I am so sore, it even hurts to type. But that's okay. I know it will go away if I keep at it. I can't remember the last time I hurt like this, but I know I have and it didn't last forever.

I drove my son to a Friday night kid thing tonight and thought, "Woo hoo! I've got the night to myself! I'll stop by the store and pick up a big bag of __________ and a carton of __________ and maybe a couple of __________ and watch movies!"

I'm glad I realized I didn't really want to do that -- went home and made me one of my wonderful chicken quesadillas and some berried and yogurt. Yum yum! More carbs than I wanted to eat today, but a "good" treat and certainly not near the carbs/calories in Plan A!

It was a good day!

[BlueBrooke]

Well, I was really sore Thursday, and Friday every move was painful. By Saturday, though, it wasn't nearly as bad and I take that as a good sign. I'm also happy that I made it through without taking anything, like Ibuprofen, because I wanted to see how long it would last. Today, just a little stiff here and there. I'm very encouraged by this.

We do a lot of warm up -- push ups is one of my worst activities. At this point, they are mostly "boob-ups" but that can't last forever! I'm also noticing I'm already a little more flexibile -- or is that just wishful thinking? Either way, I don't care -- it's fun.

I didn't weigh this morning, but I "feel" fat. I don't think I'm bloated, but I just "feel" fat. Maybe it's because I'm so clumsy with the stiffness -- who knows? We'll see tomorrow.

Today was a good day.

[BlueBrooke]

I'm trying to decide whether to go to town today or not. We usually go on Tuesdays and Thursdays for class, etc., but since we won't be going on Thursday, should I try to sneak another one in today? I don't know -- but have until 3:00 to decide. My son really wants to go -- and truth be told, so do I -- so if I can get the house cleaned up, we might take the afternoon off!

I weigh myself everyday, but I just do my "calculations" once a week. This week, I'm up three pounds. Initially, I was a little disappointed, because knocking those numbers off every week is a lot of fun. But I'm not worried because I have a secret --

I have a pair of sweats that are just huge on me. A couple of weeks ago they were falling off, so I had to use the drawstring to tighten 'em up. Not knowing how to tie knots very well, I got 'em a little on the tight side and really had to wiggle to get 'em up and down.

I'm noticing today, though, that I'm going to have to tighten up the drawstring again here, pretty soon, as they are starting to feel like they're falling off again!

So even though my "net" for the week is a three pound gain, I know I've lost inches because these sweats are so loose.

It's really sunny here today -- cold, but the sun is out for the first time in almost a week.

It's a good day.

[BlueBrooke]

Well, I didn't realize it had been a whole week, but I guess I can be forgiven since we *were* a little busy last week.

The holiday was wonderful. Just the three of us -- nice, quiet, unstructured and no expectations. Just what I needed. I don't do well in social groups, so just having the week to ourselves was just what the doctor ordered.

I stayed on plan throughout the week. Unfortunately, I appear to have overindulged in the salt department and I am paying for it terribly. My hands and fingers are so swollen I can't get my dishwashing gloves off without a fight, and I have no bones on my ankles that I can see -- my ankles look like tree trunks.

I had to try a lot of new things to give my guys an appropriately festive weekend of edible delights, while still maintaining LC. I think I succeeded admirably, but didn't have enough time to experiment before I had to actually cook everything -- my LC bread stuffing, for instance, was way too salty. Not so much you couldn't eat it, but enough that I knew the next morning. I've already made our turkey soup and put way too much salt in that too.

Well, at any rate, I'm up three pounds for the week, but know that will be gone in a flash.

I hope everyone had as wonderful a holiday as we did, and I'm really looking forward to Christmas dinner now! I was thinking ham, but after this, maybe something not so salty is a better choice.

[cdn_gal]

Just drink tons of water and those 3 pounds from the sodium will be gone in no time!! Awesome job also on the staying on plan through Thanksgiving, kudo's to you!!
Pretty soon though, you are going to have to retire them ole' baggy sweat pants iffin you dont want them to fall off during a karate kick or something!

[BlueBrooke]

Hi, Lei!

Originally Posted by cdn_gal

Just drink tons of water and those 3 pounds from the sodium will be gone in no time!!

That doesn't seem to be working -- I'm gaining and gaining. It's going in, but not going out -- LOL!

I've got a day coming where I better stick close to the house. Hope I can!

Awesome job also on the staying on plan through Thanksgiving, kudo's to you!!

Thanks! I have to admit it was pretty easy, since I was "in charge." The only thing my guys said they simply *must* have was mashed potatoes. I am pleased that I was able to whip some up for them and wasn't the least bit interested in eating them.

Pretty soon though, you are going to have to retire them ole' baggy sweat pants iffin you dont want them to fall off during a karate kick or something!

A scary sight! And I can't wait!

Thanks for the post, Lei, and kudos to you, too! You're doing great, and such a pretty picture!

I got my uniform last week and it seemed really, really big. She said to take it home and wash/dry it twice to see how much it would shrink. It *did* shrink quite a bit. I can get in it, but walking, sitting, kicking, etc., are definitely out of the question.

I can go to class in any ol' thing, but for testing I must wear my uniform. The next testing that I could be ready for is January 7. Now, I'm trying to decide if I want her to give me a larger uniform, or just lose the weight so I can wear this one. Since I'll go down many, many sizes before I'm finished, I think I'll just test when I can wear this one. Just another bit of incentive!

I hope you're sitting down! *This* is really big news!

We do push ups at the beginning of class. I've been content just to do "boob-ups" because I'm hurting so much, I *know* I'm accomplishing something!

Imagine my surprise yesterday when I actually got my tummy off the floor! My conversation with myself went something like this:

"Hey, that's different! I think I just did a push up!"

"Naw -- can't be -- you've only been at it a coupla weeks."

"Well, let's see what happens with the next one!"

. . .

"I did! I did! That's a pushup! I know it is!"

"I missed it -- do it again so I can see, too."

. . .

"Hey! You're right! That IS a pushup! Woo HOO!"

LOL!

Yup -- this is fun.

[cdn_gal]

Originally Posted by BlueBrooke

That doesn't seem to be working -- I'm gaining and gaining. It's going in, but not going out -- LOL!

Oh it will!! Its all going in, so its gotta come out sometime!!

"Hey, that's different! I think I just did a push up!"

"Naw -- can't be -- you've only been at it a coupla weeks."

"Well, let's see what happens with the next one!"
. . .

"I did! I did! That's a pushup! I know it is!"

"I missed it -- do it again so I can see, too."

. . .
"Hey! You're right! That IS a pushup! Woo HOO!"

LOL!

That is totally kewl!! Good for you, I'm glad you are seeing results in more then one way!! When I started my Pilates and Caallns, I honestly thought I was gonna die!! This is coming from a complete couch potato, who thought getting up and grabbing a cookie was enough exercise for one day!!
I'm so proud of you, keep up the great work sweety!!

ETA~ It will come out sometime, trust me!! It all went in, its gotta come out sometime!!

[BlueBrooke]

Hi, Lei!

You are so sweet and thoughtful! Thanks!

I was trying to think how long it had been since I had done anything "organized" and thought it was about fifteen years -- before my son was born. Hubby last night, though, mentioned that he thought it was more like thirty years -- since high school! Thinking back on it, I think he's probably right! There have been some patches here and there where I had a gym membership (and they always went out of business after six months -- I guess I was a jinx!), but nothing like *this*! I have to admit I did *not* feel like doing class yesterday for some reason, but I did. I was glad it was over, and am really sore today, but I did it and that's a good thing.

I met a lady last week who told me her first week, by the end of class, she was in tears she was so upset at not being able to keep up. But she kept insisting that she wouldn't give up. That was two years ago and she is testing for her black belt on Saturday afternoon! She is so sweet -- she helped me break my first board last week and I don't think I'll soon forget that! And who can not be inspired by someone like that?

I still feel like I stick out like a jackass at the Kentucky Derby but I'll get over it.

As far as the water weight goes, I hope it goes! And the sooner the better! I am hurting SO much from this! I think my muscles saw that pushup, too, and it scared 'em so much they're hanging on to every drop! LOL!

And finally -- you *do* know a balanced diet is a cookie in both hands, right?

[cdn_gal]

Sounds like my kind of balanced diet!!
You must remember also..... Now that your exercising, your body is holding onto water to help repair the muscles... Once it gets used of the routine, it will let it go! Chances are though, you are losing inches, instead of pounds right now while the muscle heals... Take your measurements and just watch them go downward!!
I totally the line about the jackass in the derby!!

[BlueBrooke]

Originally Posted by cdn_gal

Sounds like my kind of balanced diet!!

My grandma sent me a fridge magnet twenty-five or thirty years ago with that saying on it -- it makes me laugh everytime I think about it.

You must remember also..... Now that your exercising, your body is holding onto water to help repair the muscles... Once it gets used of the routine, it will let it go! Chances are though, you are losing inches, instead of pounds right now while the muscle heals... Take your measurements and just watch them go downward!!

I meant to take measurements this morning and forgoet. I'm going back to basics, as the scale keeps going up, though I *think* I'm doing the right things. My fingers and hands are so swollen now that I have a really hard time getting my dishwashing gloves off! I'm sure there's good things going on somewhere, though! Don't forget that pushup!

I totally the line about the jackass in the derby!!

I don't know where that came from. I probably heard it on a movie or something -- but it is so appropriate! You should see what some of these people can do! And there I am, just ga-lumping along. The up side is that this time next year, some newbie is going to be saying the same thing about me.

[BlueBrooke]

I've tried a few things this past month that other's had said worked for them -- not weighing every day, not tracking everything. I thought I had become too obsessed with weighing not only me but everything I ate, and writing everything down.

Well, apparently, a little obsession is a good thing.

I am still right back where I started on 06 November, despite staying on plan throughout Thanksgiving.

I had added a lot of exercise, and I know I'm retaining water, but it is disappointing that I hopped on the scale this morning and was greated with a 233. I know there has been progress in other areas, but since I wasn't measuring those (such as measurements), I don't have that to make me feel better.

So I'm considering this starting over again -- weighing, measuring, recording. It worked before, and I guess I should have just stuck with it. But I got bored and wanted to try something different. Besides, it was like I was thinking of food constantly -- what will I eat? What am I eating? What did I eat?

Well, I guess that's just the way it's going to have to be.

[BlueBrooke]

I realize it's a little late, but I wanted to record our Thanksgiving dinner -- it will probably be our Christmas dinner as well, since my guys are still raving about it.

Turkey
Cranberry sauce (I made it myself with Splenda)
Stuffing (made with LC bread)
Green beans with almonds and bacon
Baked sweet potatoes
Green salad
Pumpkin pie with almond crust

[cdn_gal]

Originally Posted by BlueBrooke

So I'm considering this starting over again -- weighing, measuring, recording. It worked before, and I guess I should have just stuck with it. But I got bored and wanted to try something different. Besides, it was like I was thinking of food constantly -- what will I eat? What am I eating? What did I eat?
Well, I guess that's just the way it's going to have to be.

Well done!! You do the weighing and calculating of everything you eat, and pretty soon you will get to know it all by heart! Do you use Fitday? I found it the easiest way to keep track, and loved seeing the little graph thingy moving! And I dont know about you, but I always thought about what I was going/can eat, whether keeping track or not!
I totally think its great starting all over from the basics! All the power to you for realizing that what you are doing, isn't working as well as it could be!
I'll be in YOUR corner, rooting for YOU!!

[BlueBrooke]

Originally Posted by cdn_gal

Well done!! You do the weighing and calculating of everything you eat, and pretty soon you will get to know it all by heart! Do you use Fitday? I found it the easiest way to keep track, and loved seeing the little graph thingy moving! And I dont know about you, but I always thought about what I was going/can eat, whether keeping track or not!
I totally think its great starting all over from the basics! All the power to you for realizing that what you are doin