hpnodat's Journal

[hpnodat1]

I started gaining weight when I was about 9 or 10 years old as I recall. I had moved away(out of state) from my extended family to whom I had a very close relationship with. I moved with my mom and stepdad. I never really got along with him. I always felt as though he didn't like me and would be mean to me and punish me just for kicks. That was just my screwed up perception of things. The fact was I just didnt like him and I was going to do what ever I could to try and get rid of him. We only lived out of state for 1 year. Just enough time for my little brother to be born. Then we move back close to my family.

I started getting very depressed and one of the things I did to cope was to eat. I already knew how to eat all the "guilt ridden" foods, I learned this from the people in my family. Everyone in my family is overweight and most are mobidly overweight. I guess in a since I knew that being fat was something that made me a part of them. And that was comforting to me. We always had something in common. As I got older about the age of 13 I really started packing on the pounds.

At the age of 16 I weighed about 170 lbs and I was only 5 ft tall. It was at this age is when my Granny passed away at the age of 61 years old she was too young to die. She died from obesity related illnesses. She was highly Diabetic, legally blind and had had a large stroke she weighed about 400 lbs she only lived another 5 months after that. She knew that the way she was eating was absolutely killing her but she just could not Stop. That was one of the hardest times in my life. I blamed my self for her death because I used to cook what ever she wanted to eat.

After Granny's death my parents wanted to move out of state again this time to NC. I really did not want to go I even tried to run away a few times. I ended up moving with them anyway. I hated everything about it school, the people the state, just everything. I just resorted back to the only thing that was ever comforting to me. You guessed it- Food.

After a while I got kind of tired of being over weight. I had never really tried any kind of diets before. So I thought I would. I started eating lots of salad. but I still continued to gain weight.

I finally met a guy that I liked and that liked me. We hooked up and started dating. I never could understand why he wanted to be with me though. I thought I was revolting. I had boyfriends before but for some reason he was different. I was almost 18 and he was 21. He was a man not a boy and he treated me like a woman and not a girl. We eventually moved in together. It got really serious. I remember he would talk to me about my "health" but I never took the hint. I continued to slowly gain.

Well I found out that he had a drinking problem. We were quite a match. He couldnt quit drinking and I couldnt quit eating. I had taken a trip to Fl to see my family and while I was gone he managed to get a DWI. When I got back I was of course devistated. He had to go to jail. One night while he was in jail I was sexually assaulted. After that I went into a deep depression. After he got out of jail he blamed himself for not being there to protect me from the assaulter.

His alcoholism hit bottom and he decided to get help. He went to AA. He wanted me to go to AL-ANON adn I did. And while the whole time he was getting better from his illness I was just getting worse.

In April of 2000 I ended up getting pregnant. We got finally married!! Before pregnancy I weighed 205 lbs. I had our daughter in Jan of 2001. I had only gained 20 lbs during my pg. I still dont know how I managed that.

Its been five and a half years since then and I have finally hit my bottom. Im 28 years old and My top weight was 232 lbs on July 31, 2006. Today is 1 month later and I'm down 10.5 lbs.

One thing I didnt mention in my story is that I have tried numerous diets and none of them have ever worked. I would only manage to lose 5, 10 or 15 lbs and be miserable the whole time. Just torture!

I have to say that I love Atkins do far. I have never once felt deprived. Im loving this WOE! Also, My husband has never supported me on any of those diets, except for this one. I think that he is certain that Im not doing just another diet. Im actually changing my way of life and way of eating!

[hpnodat1]

Its my first time low carbing. Its been 1 month since I started, now I'm going to have to start all over again. I'm not sure what happened. I was doing so well. I had been having a lot of thoughts of cheating the past week. I was trying to find a way to justify it I suppose. I thought for sure that when TOM came that would have been the hardest time of all but TOM came and went about a week ago. Here I am after a 3 day cheat (today I binged ). I'm not feeling so well right now. Ive got a head ache, Im swollen (probably from retaining water),I feel sick to my stomach, Im in a terrible mood, Im hating that i have screwed up a whole month of the best I have ever done at losing weight. I havent been on here in about 3 days because I didnt want to face it. Face you all. I didnt want to admit that I cheated.

I guess this is what this Journal and this board is for. To admit when I have done wrong and try and do better next time. Also to get support from you all. I wonder how many people here have gotten to their goal without cheating at least once?

I have learned that eating carbs really does make me feel bad phyaically and emotionally. I need to journal everyday to see where I might be slipping. To write down everthing I am putting past my lips because I did quit doing that about 1 1/2 weeks ago. That right there is probably where my cheat lies.

[monet0329]

Hello there.. and .. good to have you here with our low carb family.. .. or story sounds so much like a lot of peoples.. .. I think most of us have had some bad times.. and like you have went to food for comfort.. ..but I am glad your here with us and can now move past all that.. let yesterdays go and just think of all the wonderful tomorrows ok.. we cant live in the past.. just the feature.. and if your anything like me.. you want a much better future.. .. so put on that smile.. and lets go my friend.. shake off those 3 days and get back on the train of low carb.. you didn't waist the whole month.. just 3 days.. so its not THAT bad ok..
I will be here for you.. just remember to post every day.. put down EVERYTHING you eat.. and try to get in some exercise.. and lots of water.. .. read some journals and get some inspiration.. there are a lot of wonderful people on here.. they will help you... ..
I wish you the very best hun.. stay strong and you CAN do this..
the cravings will go away.. its just a habit.. so make some new ones.. ..

My fathers side of the family are all big.. and my grandmother died of weight problems as well..diabetic.. she would scratch her legs and get sores that wouldn't heal and turned to gain green. They had to take both her legs off from the knees down.... I so wish they would have came out with this way of eating back then.. but I know she is here with me helping me along my journey.. and I will succeed.. My grandmother wasn't there to see me graduate.. or see the birth of my boys.. I so want to be in this world to see that happen to my grand kids when I get them....

I have been on this woe since Feb... but didn't start to weigh or measure until April.. and since then I have lost 65.6 pounds.. and lost 22 inches all over.. so I hope I can inspire you to stick with this.. I feel so good about this.. I will make my goals.. and I am on my way to be healthy.. .. so far I don't have any complications with my weight.. just the lack to do somethings..like RUN for one..lol.. but I feel so much better then I did 7 months ago.. .. remember.. time flies.. and so will the weight.. you will melt and you will feel so good about yourself..

LETS MAKE THIS HAPPEN!!..

[hpnodat1]

It's Monday. Im restarting Induction today. Labor Day weekend was rough! I didnt eat on plan yesterday either, but today is a new day. I decided to join a challenge. The 30 by xmas challenge. It is just like it says 30 # by X-mas. I think that it is a reasonable challenge. I can do it! I can do it!
I weighed in this morning. 223.5 lbs. I'm up 2 Lbs since last Thursday hopefully its just water!
Breakfast- 2 fried eggs, 3 slices turkey bacon, water