Brigid's Journal

[Brigid80]

Ok so I have decided that I need to keep a journal. I have kept food diaries before but I need something to keep track of my emotions as well!!

Right now I am so confused, frustrated and fed up!! I currently weigh 65kg (I weighed myself this morning), I am feeling bloated and really sluggish! This time last week I weighed 64kg and felt good. I feel like I have been battling with the same 10kg my whole life! Well that is not true as I used to be much bigger but it has at least been the last 5 years. I seem to be able to stay here at about 65 quite easily but I don’t want to be here at 65 I want to be 55!

Ok so here is what I ate yesterday that made me feel so crap-

B: 2 fried eggs and 2 slices of bacon, coffee with 1 fl oz cream & 1 splenda
S: 2 x Linda-Sue’s tuna muffins
L: Chicken & Veggie Soup
Pumpkin & Fetta Quiche (purchased from Café so I have no idea what was really in it!)
S: Lots of cheese, ham, and then a pumpkin cheesecake.
D: 3 Hamburgers, followed by 3 pumpkin cheesecakes covered in cream.

Then feeling very deflated because I had eaten so much I had a choc covered scotch finger biscuit. Yeah I know great theory there, eaten a lot so lets just eat more!

What is really doing my head in that I was really good last week with sticking to plan, hence why this time last week I weighed 64kg and my tummy wasn’t bloated! It wasn’t a struggle I was really enjoying my food and not having to eat too much to be satisfied. This week nothing has pleased my taste buds and I just seem to be pouring food into me even when I am not hungry even feeling sick!

Right so today is a new day and I can make great choices and change my life starting today! Here are my challenges for myself:
1. Keep carbs under 20g per day, eat protein at each meal and eat a reasonable level of fats. So I think that what I mean here is that I will stick with lean proteins- lean beef, chicken, turkey, lean ham, and maybe about 100-150g at lunch and about 200g at dinner. Oh and I am going to have bacon occasionally cause I love it!
2. I will only eat cheese once a day as part of a meal, no more snacking on cheese.
3. I will only eat when I am hungry.
4. I will eat dinner at the dinner table, no more eating in front of the TV.
5. I need to exercise! I will join the gym this month! I need to get out of bed in the morning and take my puppy for a walk, other people do it so can I!

So here is my menu so far today!

B: 2 slices of bacon and ½ grilled tomato with 1 coffee (please note that when I say coffee I always have 1 fl oz of cream & 1 splenda).
S: 2 Linda Sue’s Tuna muffins
L: 1c rocket, ½ c roast pumpkin, ¼ c red capsicum and red onion and I have a 180g tin of tuna.
D: So this is what I am thinking at the moment, I am home alone tonight so- chicken with rocket & onion then add a tablespoon of sour cream at the end of cooking to make a bit of a sauce. And then I will have I pumpkin cheesecake for dessert with a tablespoon of cream.

Yeah that sounds pretty good to me! Or I think that I should go without the cream or desert altogether! Also I drink lots of water its only 10.20am and I have
already had 4 glasses of water.

So this is my journey! I start today at 65kg (143) and I will be 55kg (121) very soon.

[Brigid80]

It is 3.00pm here and this is usually time when I start to get really hungry for my second snack but I'm not! I had a later lunch though, I think this is something else I need to do, eat much lunch between 12.30 & 1 not at 12noon. I get too hungry in the afternoon.
I also just wanted to write to say that I decided to have 3 heaped tblsp chicken mix (chicken, mayo & seeded mustard) for lunch instead of tuna. I really enjoyed it! My salad was great!
Oh and I still have one tuna muffin left so if I do get hungry I can eat that!

[Brigid80]

Ok so I have been slugging away at my computer all day so far and I decided that I needed a break.

Well to round off yesterday I did pretty well once I got home. I had veggie soup and then the chicken as I said I would and I also had cauliflower with as once it was all cooked down it wasn’t a very big meal. I did have my dessert too with cream but that was the last one so I won’t make any more this weekend!

Anyway to today! There was no low carb breakfast in my house today! No eggs, no bacon, the only thing was hamburgers and I really didn’t want to eat them as the other night they weren’t very nice! So anyway I had a bowl of porridge instead, ¼ oats cooked with water, then I added a tbls of cream & 1pkt of splenda. I also had my usual coffee. Anyway I feel good! I haven’t been hungry all morning and I have drunk lots of water.

I am really excited! I spoke to Mum last night and she is going to pay for my gym membership. My sister has one that Mum is paying for but my sister isn’t using so she can transfer it to my name. I have followed it before and I want to do it again the BFL program, I really loved how my body looked when I was doing that, I was quite muscular my problem was I didn’t have the food under control now I think I am in a better place to do it! Also my girlfriend is a member at the gym I will be joining and we have agreed to do a spin class together. I am totally inspired by Jackie & Julie L and all the other people that have lost weight but are focused on being healthy as well (this is solely my opinion of these people from reading what they post!).

Well for lunch I had a hamburger from Urban Burger with out the bun. I love their burgers they are the best and they don’t leave you feeling all greasy!
Friday night- so I will try to stay good tonight.

I will repost on Monday and check in on how I feel. I am feeling really positive to today that I am making really positive changes that I can stick to!

[Brigid80]

Well it is Sunday afternoon and I am up at Mum & Dad's to have dinner with my family. The weekend has gone way too quickly!
So Friday night I had a lot to drink, not good for the low carb resolve! Anyway I was drinking beer and we had pizza but no KFC chips on the way home which is amazing! Anyway I didn't feel bad about it as I was having a good time and I didn't feel the horrible quilt that I usually feel. Yesterdy I found myself in a very tricky situation though I had a good breakfast but then I had to go to the dentist and it was 3pm before I could eat again and by this time I was desperate! I got salt & vinegar chips from the service station, that I do feel guilty about! Anyway I know that it was an unusual situation. Last night Mark too me out for dinner and we had greek I had the bread with the dips but that was it. Greek is great for low carb as it is just meat & cheese!

I am still feeling positive and I will weigh myself on Thursday to see how I am going weight wise although I think it would be good to measure as I do feel skinnier, my tummy feels flatter and I tink my leds are skinnier too.

[Brigid80]

I thought I would post this here too to remind myself how enthused I am to eb starting at the gym!!


I am about to start...

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and I have a few questions and would really love some help!

About three years ago I followed a BFL weight/ cardio style program and I loved it! At this time I was training with a personal trainer once a week and he started me off on it and would help direct me when to change weights & exercises. When I started training with him I had been going to the gym for a while and had done some weight training before.

So skip forward three years to today- I haven’t done any weight training in years and I have barely even been for a walk lately. I have wanted to get back to the gym for ages, I have some success losing weight only controlling food but I think that I am going to have better success incorporating exercise. Also I am beginning to feel like I am only going to be able to eat 20 carbs for the rest of my life!

So tonight finally I am joining the gym! YAY I can’t wait! My problem is that I have this mental block about starting! I think it is because before I started with a PT I am not really confident were to start this time. For example with upper body do I start at 2 kilo weights working up to 5 kilo and then see how I feel? Any suggestion which exercises are best to start with?

I really appreciate your suggestions and thank you in advance for your time!

[Brigid80]

Well I was so pleased yesterday one of the ladies at work noticed that I had lost weight! It is such a nice feeling when people notice! Mark noticed on the weekend too and one of my girl friends thinks that my boobs look heaps smaller! Today I have on my super tight skinny jeans that the legs don’t usually fit me very well but today I wouldn’t say they were loose but they are quite comfy oh and I have my belt done up an extra loop!

So all very positive.

I also had a bit of a revelation last night. I was driving with my sister and we went past the pizza place I went to on Friday and I told her how I had pizza there and she was like naughty naughty you can’t eat that! My response was that I could, I made a choice to eat pizza and I really enjoyed it, what I enjoyed the most was the lack of quilt afterwards! I can choose to enjoy foods like that pizza & Greek food as long as I am actually going to enjoy it and I realize that it won’t ruin my WOE. It is generally the quilt afterwards that kills me when I eat something like that cause I go in to well I have ruined it now so why bother trying and then I just binge. I don’t need to be like that. Having pizza once a week won’t ruin anything!

So I have been back on track yesterday and today is looking good too. I have decided to up my carbs- as I said in my post above I am beginning to feel like I will only be able to eat 20 carbs for the rest of my life and there are food I know I can re-introduce that won’t affect my weight loss as I have eaten them & lost before.

Yesterday-
B- Porridge with cream & splenda (need to cut the cream here I think, may be have LSA & cinnamon instead)
Mind you want hungry all morning after eating this, didn’t eat lunch until 12.30 easily.
L- Ham, Cheese, Lettuce, Tomato, Capsicum & Onion salad with mayo
S- Starving at 4.00pm had a nut bar, like a musli bar but nuts & honey. Really not satisfying and I wish I had just held out and got something better.
D- Hamburger from Urban Burger, same one as usual.
S- After netball went home & was hungry so had bowl of Bolognese sauce with cheese and some salami.

Hmmmm…. No looking at that I don’t feel I ate enough veggies yesterday at all!

Today-
B- 2 egg omelet with spinach, ½ tomato, onion & cheese
L- taco salad with avocado, sour cream & cheese
( I might split this in two and eat some now at 12 noon and then some later as a snack although I have another train of thought too)
S- ½ apple stewed with ½ cup of plain yogurt.
D- Not sure at this stage.

I am feeling good, going to the gym tonight, I am really excited.

I will note here that you can see that in the last couple of days I have seriously deviated from the goals I set myself above. My goal has always been to have a healthier relationship with food and I think the revelation over the last couple of weeks has helped me to see that I shouldn’t associate guilt with food it is not a good combination and when I set myself stick food rules like that I tend to feel guilt. I would rather be happy with my low carb health choices and exercising!

[indogia]

you are doing realy well (((hugs)))).

Indy
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[Brigid80]

Thank you indy!! I would never have thought anyone would read this!

Well yesterday I had a journal entry typed out but forgot to cut & paste and post it.

Dinner the other night that I wasn’t sure about ended up being chicken stirfry with bok choy & snow peas.

I had a great work out at the gym that night. I did upper body weights and 20min cardio. I think that the weights were a bit light but I think the first couple of times will be trial and error.

Yesterday-
Food wise-
B- 3 egg omelets with ½ tomato, onion slice & cheese cooked with butter.
L- Tuna salad with lettuce, roast capsicums & zucchini & ½ tomato. I used some spinach dip as a dressing
S- ½ stewed apple with ½ tub yogurt and cinnamon.
D- Roast Lamb with carrots & beans and a stewed apple for dessert.
S- Ham & Cheese then a bowl of cream with splenda & LSA.

I was really hungry last night! I think it is a combination of increased exercise and my TOM which I think is on it’s way. I really tried very hard to only eat till I was satisfied but it was very hard as I was having very strong cravings for something savory then once I had eaten that something sweet. After the cream I decided I just needed to sit through it then go to bed.

Exercise- went to a cycle class. Felt great! I love cycle class because it make you push yourself.

Today-
Food wise-
B- Porridge with cream, splenda & LSA
Coffee
L- Chicken Soup
S- ¼ Avocado
D- This is going to be tricky I am going to a tupplewear party at 7.30. I might just have to cook a quick omelet when I get home and scoff it down. I won’t have a lot of time but I don’t want to get hungry and eat snacky stuff at the party.

Tonight I think I will give myself a break from the gym. I would be rushed but also
don’t want to over do it in the first week I plan to go Friday & Saturday.

Arrrgh.. OK I think I have pushed the carb introduction a bit far. I decided to go for
luch with some girls from work for one of their birthdays and I didn’t ask for no rice but once I had eaten the meat I was still hungry so I ate the rice but now I feel funny. Kind of blurry eyed and I don’t really know how to describe it just strange.

So I think I will have my chicken soup for dinner now. I do feel guilty about eating the rice I really should have and there really wasn’t any need for me to either. Anyway I will move on with my day. It's just a little bump nothing to get up set about!!

[indogia]

sounds like you are realy getting in tune with your body.
dont worry about little set backs,it doesnt matter.

a few weeks ago i suddenly fancied egg,so I amde 2 eggs and sat and ate them,realy enjoyed them too(i had given up dairy you see).

well,about half an hour later i didnt feel right,my eyes went a bit blurry and i was suddenly being realy sick,and got very asthmatic ,thank goodness i still had an inhaler in the draw.

well,that has certainly put me off eggs!!!lol

just thought id share that..lol.

its amazing how much food realy does have an effect on our body and its vital that we learn to tune in and listen,it sounds like you are doing that,well done!!


hugs and cheers

Indy
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[indogia]

how you doing today Briged?

having a powerful enough why
will provide you with the
necessary how ....tony robbins


why do you wanna lose weight and look amazing?


hugs and smiles


Indy
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[Brigid80]

Ok well I had a totally crazy weekend! Ate so badly, felt so crap and fat! Anyway it’s that time of the month and I wondered why on Friday night I was able to finish off a pizza and ½ tub of ice cream and still feel I could fit more in!! That is disgusting!!

I had a really average weekend, I was sick Friday night which just left me totally wrecked on Saturday. Then Saturday night I went to dinner and I just felt really out of my comfort zone. It was a friends birthday but I don’t really know her other friends. We went to hard rock café and it was just yuck! There wasn’t anything low carb & interesting on the menu. I ended up getting a sandwich that was more like a burger and very filling but not satisfying! I also just had this feeling that if I had ordered a salad or not eaten the bun one of the guys who was there would have made a big deal about it, he was making a big deal that I wasn’t drinking. It was just attention I didn’t need that night.

Anyway I feel back to normal today although I am still hungry! I went to the gym yesterday and did legs and 20 mins cardio. I am very sore today; I think I pushed myself a little bit too hard.

Food today-
B- Porridge and a coffee
S- ½ Apple
L- 1 ½ rissoles with lettuce, ½ tomato, ¼ c of capsicum, 1tbls sour cream, ¼ avocado, and a slice of cheese

Feel very sleepy now though, it’s about ½ hour since I finished eating, might need to drink more water. Right I have had a glass of water and already feel better!

Thanks for dropping in Indy!

How are you? Have you been dancing a lot?

My whys are as follows-

1. To feel confident that I am the best me I can be
2. To not be afraid of food and to feel in control
3. To live a long healthy life
4. To wear clothes that I love & feel confident in them

Also want to be happy in my relationships with people, particularly my boyfriend. Now don’t get me wrong he loves me fat/ skinny or somewhere in between however it is my inner battle that drives him crazy! The sadness because I don’t look good and the guilt because I ate the wrong thing and the struggle to get started again when I fall of the wagon. I know that this cycle frustrates him as much as it does me. I have seen the future and I didn’t like it so I have to change it. Since October I have made some pretty big changes I think. I have changed careers- I was working unhappily in real estate now I work in fashion with wonderfully creative people. It is not my ideal job but it is a good start in an industry that is hard to get into. I am trying very hard to get my finances in order so that Mark & I can buy a house. Lastly but the one that consumes me is my body image, I am trying to correct this.

What are your reasons Indy?

[indogia]

hello thankx for asking my reasons,ok,well....

* to be in control of my body,is to be in control of my life
* so I can wear funky young kool small clothes
* so that I feel more confident and strong within myself
* I will make the most of my youth and my health.
* I will be a strong,beautiful,healthy,slim dancer
* so I will be a good exsample to my children




thankyou for setting me on that train of thought for the day Brigid.how are you doing today?my positive thoughts are right with you.

are you drinking lots of water?It helps you get less hungry.is there some low carb snacks you can have when you are feeling hungry?or a herbal tea?

dont worry about set backs,its just one day.I hope you enjoyed ityou can now dust yourself off and start again,and people and their opinions realy arent important,you and your health,thats what is important.
deep breaths,lets start over (((hugs)))

Indy
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[Brigid80]

Hmmm… well I haven’t been in the mood to journal at all this week! I have been really tired and very bored at work which really lowers my mood overall!
I haven’t even been able to stay on track at all this week.
Well I am back today, I always seem to have to hit rock bottom to make a difference and get back on track!

Today’s food-
B- 1 whole egg & 2 egg whites, ½ zucchini, 1 oz cheese omelet & coffee
L- Chicken breast, 1c lettuce, ¼ capsicum & 4 cherry tomatos
S- 100g natural yogurt.

Dinner going to a really supportive friends house so she said she would cook some thing LC.

I was doing so well, come on Brig get back on track!

I think I have to cut out the porridge, I think it sets off my cravings so I am back to no grains. I am going to keep my apple though and just see how I go.

My sister has been diagnosed as insulin resistant, which has lead to cysts on her ovaries and caused skin problems & inability to lose weight. So the Dr has put her on a LC diet and she is looking so good!

Also Best friends got engaged this week so I soon I will have a whole lot of stuff for that and I want to look fantastic, not to mention that maybe one day soon my BF might propose to me fingers crossed I want to look amazing for all that.

Oh and also it looks like I might be going to Cape Tribulation in December for my holidays, so I want to be able to wear and red hot bikini and some cute little shorts.

Oh and then there is Spring Racing carnival- I look at last years photo and cringe, my face was so round & fat this year I want to look spectacular. I just to my boos about the dress I want to wear and he thinks it is gorgeous- he saw it yesterday. I work in fashion so we are always talking about clothes here!

So wow I have so much to work for at the moment! Better get my bootie into gear! Who would have thought that the journal that I had been avoiding all week would actually motivate me so much!

[indogia]

Hmmm… well I haven’t been in the mood to journal at all this week! I have been really tired and very bored at work which really lowers my mood overall!

aw i was like that yesterday,know that i am thinking of you,sending positive thoughts your way.


love always


indy
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