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Old 03-30-2007, 08:53 AM   #151
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Originally Posted by Samantha42 View Post
Stud-- Yeah, what is it about redheads?? I am loving it already. I look in the mirror and feel better. About eating more simply, do you think I should finish the "less simple" foods I have in my apartment, or just let them sit there? I have 1 bar of 85% dark chocolate, which I don't really get addicted to. Plus about 8 bags of shiritaki noodles, LC pasta sauce... should I keep eating these foods in small quantities or get very strict right away?

And how are YOU doing?! Your stats look great.

I am in ketosis (finally) and was 190.2 today. I was kinda disappointed because I thought for sure I would break into the 180's. But I'm sure if I try by tomorrow I can be in the 180s again. Monday I have a big dinner to go to with a lot of family and family friends, and I want to look good. I know, only 3 days away, not much I can do, right?
KETOSIS

I would save the dark chocolate for emergencies (when you have a really bad sweet craving, snap you off a little piece). If you are worried that the above mentioned "simple foods" are going to keep you off track, then get rid of them.

I'm doing GREAT! Going to swing by the doctor's office today to weigh myself. It's been two weeks, so I'm curious Glad to hear back from ya and you aren't that far from the 180s... I bet if you stuck to it strictly through the weekend you will lose 2-3 pounds before dinner on Monday.

I'm sure you will look stunning to your family and friends, especially with that red hair
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Old 03-30-2007, 01:32 PM   #152
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I'm trying to post a pic of my red hair... does this attachment thing work?
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Old 03-30-2007, 01:38 PM   #153
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Ooh! I think it did! I'm going to post pics here-- for motivation etc!

Here are pics of how I want to look at goal (because I looked like this at 17/18)

That third picture of me in my little black dress was when I was about 140-145 lbs. The other 2 are at 125-130 pounds. I can't believe I felt fat at 140 pounds!!!
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Old 03-30-2007, 01:38 PM   #154
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I'm trying to post a pic of my red hair... does this attachment thing work?
Yes mam it does. Gotta love those reheads.
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Old 03-30-2007, 01:39 PM   #155
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Ooh! I think it did! I'm going to post pics here-- for motivation etc!

Here are pics of how I want to look at goal (because I looked like this at 17/18)

That third picture of me in my little black dress was when I was about 140-145 lbs. The other 2 are at 125-130 pounds. I can't believe I felt fat at 140 pounds!!!
Ugh, guess I'll have to drag out my high school and college pics too, LOL.
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Old 03-30-2007, 01:43 PM   #156
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The green skirt is me on new years-- about 10-15 lbs smaller. The other one is me 2 weeks ago, when I went out to my school party after many days of binge eating. I ended up wearing a navy blazer because I was busting out of that navy blouse!! Notice the moon face?

Ok-- now if I ever want to delete these pics, to preserve my anonymity and all, can I do that? :blush:
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Old 03-30-2007, 01:46 PM   #157
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You do NOT have a moon face!
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Old 03-30-2007, 01:55 PM   #158
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Ok Daisy-- I challenge you to a moonface challenge!

These 2 pics--- they are taken 1 month apart, and one is when in ketosis, and one is post-binge eating (moony). Can you guess which is which?? I'll give you a hint-- the binge eating one ALSO looks like I have a mullet! Hahah I can't believe I am posting all these pics of me. It took me 5 years before I would even put my pic in my avatar!! Baby steps, eh?
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Old 03-30-2007, 02:07 PM   #159
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Ugh, guess I'll have to drag out my high school and college pics too, LOL.
Ok, where are they?!
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Old 03-30-2007, 04:15 PM   #160
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Ok there hot stuff, go check out my journal. I posted 3 pics of me from senior year of high school when I was 175-180. Then I posted 4 pics of me from late 2005 and early 2006 when I was at 470. Then I posted my avatar pic from Tuesday.

Promise not to laugh... too much, LOL.
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Old 03-30-2007, 10:22 PM   #161
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Ok Daisy-- I challenge you to a moonface challenge!
You've got it. It's in my journal-Moon. Face. Chipmunk Cheeks.
Looking through old pictures can really be an eye opener.
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Old 03-31-2007, 08:00 AM   #162
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Good Morning! Hope you have a wonderful day!!!
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Old 03-31-2007, 09:36 AM   #163
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So far it is a wonderful day!

I was 189! So down 1.2 from yesterday (PMS weight, but still!), and I had 4 meals yesterday! I normally eat only 2-3x a day, and if more than that, I seem to be unable to lose weight.

Woohoo!

This morning I finished off the 1/2 bar of 85% chocolate, and had scrambled egg beaters, 1T coconut oil, cinnamon & stevia.

I feel full! Hopefully I won't eat for a while now :blush:
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Old 03-31-2007, 10:14 AM   #164
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Amazing how fast things can get better, isn't it?
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Old 03-31-2007, 03:39 PM   #165
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Awesome work Sam!!!! I'm so happy for you, keep it up!
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Old 03-31-2007, 03:53 PM   #166
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Things DO turn around quickly, Daisy!! We got to remember that whenever we get into a rut, KWIM?


Breakfast at 11, dinner at 6. Amazing how much ketosis and a nice hearty meal can suppress your appetite. I almost forgot to eat, I am not even hungry! But as usual, I will always remember to eat. I wish I was one of those people who "just forgets" to eat. Haha how is that even possible?!
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Old 03-31-2007, 11:27 PM   #167
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Tonight was a good night--- there were a few things that made me think of "fatness".

IE I stepped on a guys toe and had this huge amount of guilt. Like, what if I crushed him? I kept apologizing... I dunno, it's like, I get that instinctive feeling that he thinks "a fat girl just crushed my toe". Silly, I know.

Drank about 3 (4?) beers. Ended up hungry but had nuts and cheese. I don't normally eat either of those, but I figured they were the best options. I feel guilty now and wish I hadn't. My throat feels sore all the sudden. Darn cheese!

Met a lot of people I didn't know before. I love how when I drink I become super socialite-- met a lot of people I hadn't talked to before. They probably think I'm super loud and annoying! Oh well! Had a good time anyway. It will be interesting to see how we end up saying "hello" when we see each other in school. This is seeing as though drunken conversations are only 1/2 conversations, and still leave a sober awkwardness.

There may have been 1 guy hitting on me. I'm not even sure since it has been, UM, so long. (makes me miss me ex, who I almost drunk texted, PS how old am I?!?!) He's not a typical guy I would go for, but lets be honest, I'm trying to be less discriminative and more open, so maybe this is a good thing?
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Old 04-02-2007, 02:29 PM   #168
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Hey kid, where are you hiding?
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Old 04-02-2007, 07:55 PM   #169
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samantha + passover = NOT lowcarb.

I know I could have kept LC if I wanted to, but I chose not to.

I am not in a time of extreme stress, nor do I have any desire to binge, and I know I will be back on plan tomorrow. I have gotten a lot better over the years at getting back on plan. The first time I did LC and went off plan, it took me months to get back on track. I consider tonight to have been worth it. :blush:
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Old 04-02-2007, 08:27 PM   #170
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You made a choice. That is way different than mindlessly stuffing your face with food that you are not even really enjoying. Good for you. I hope you had a good time!
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Old 04-03-2007, 09:36 PM   #171
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I am writing this because I am so f*ing tired of coming back to this very same place. Maybe if I try and REALLY sort out what got me here and how it feels to be here, maybe I can GET OUT.

All in all--- exam week-- always worst week ever. Always over-do things like caffeine, nuts, sugar. Eat 5 meals a day. Binge. Stomach pains. Can't sleep. Bloated like I cannot believe. As in, my calves are so swollen they don't even feel nor look like my own. When I touch them, my skin can hardly even feel the sensation of being touched. It is like I am touching something *else*. You know the feeling when your cheek or lip is numb from being at the dentist, and when you touch it, it feels like this strange skin and not like you are touching yourself? That's how my leg is. I would not be surprised if my calf was 50% larger than normal. I feel like a different person.

I know it could be mental. But honestly, I think I looked like I have gained 20 pounds over the past week. My face looks painfully different. My "loose" jeans are leaving imprints on my stomach. No matter what I do with my hair my face is a moonface and when I smile it seems like my mouth has gotten tiny in comparison to the rest of my face. My clavicle/neck muscles have all but disappeared. I have eaten extraordinary amounts. Painful amounts. Amounts I have not consumed in a long time. I forget to take my medicine, I don't floss as much, I am wearing sweatpants. I CANNOT get up from off the couch because it literally hurts. I thought there was a chance that I ate so much that I would vomit, but the feeling passed after a few minutes.

I am disgusting.

If I fail any of my exams I will be convinced that I could not even think clearly. I feel so painfully tired in my body and my head that it seems like I cannot carry on in any particular direction. (OBviously, I WILL carry on). It just feels like it will take so much effort to break the cycle and get back on track with LCing, and on the same token, it seems like so much effort to carry on the way I have been. The constant runs to the grocery store. The constant stomach pains. The brain fog.

I have been falling back into my old-school binge habits. As in, planning my entire day around food. As in, panic at the thought of not being by food. Lying to people about what I'm doing so I can binge in privacy. Leaving social situations to go binge. Not studying so I can eat myself into oblivion.

This has not, and WILL not get me anywhere that I want to go.

My life is 10 times better when I am in ketosis. I need to get back there.

I am thinking about my summer goals, and the thought of another fat summer makes me sick to my stomach. I'm talking butterflies. I need to lose weight by this summer. I need to be back in the 150s, so I feel like my goals are approachable, and I look more like my "former-self". I am sick of feeling like I am still skinny samantha that is stuck in a different body and different life. I have now spent 6 years being fat. I'm fat samantha now! The only way to know the kind of person I will be when I am thin is to BE THIN. Not this summer, not this year, not this decade, but NOW. This is my entire life. I cannot keep doing this to myself, saying that I am going to change my life and then keep watching myself fail from the sidelines. I am distraught over this. What is wrong with me?
Samantha,
Sorry to pry and I havent gotten past the above post, BUT I wanted to see if you have ever tried Yerba Mate tea. It totally helps the caffeine factor (contains mateine, a cousin to caffeine) and you can sleep when you need to but continue to have energy until you want to sleep. One other nice side affect is that it suppresses my apetite. I also have no sugar cravings and I have to remind myself to eat. I focus more on other things. The upside is that I have only been drinking it for a week or so! Just thought you might wanna try it! Guayaki is a brand that most health food stores carry. You can also do a search but make sure you choose a reputable one due to the taste and packaging (sounds lame I know, but more of the teas come from Argentina and are packaged with their languages, etc.)

Sorry to bother you if you are already aware of this. I just thought it may help the caffeine, etc. factor. Thanks!

~Court
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Old 04-03-2007, 10:02 PM   #172
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The green skirt is me on new years-- about 10-15 lbs smaller. The other one is me 2 weeks ago, when I went out to my school party after many days of binge eating. I ended up wearing a navy blazer because I was busting out of that navy blouse!! Notice the moon face?

Ok-- now if I ever want to delete these pics, to preserve my anonymity and all, can I do that? :blush:
Wow! Your blog has enthralled me. LOL. You are such a great person and you should stop beating yourself up! You are GORGEOUS and do not look obese in any way! I know the feeling though! Stay tuned... I will post my pics tomorrow and I will start my journal tonight! (If I can figure out how! )

We are all so lucky to have this message board, to be each others strengths and shoulders. (to cry on...) Let's keep in touch and keep each other motivated!!!
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Old 04-04-2007, 06:27 AM   #173
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Wow! Your blog has enthralled me. LOL. You are such a great person and you should stop beating yourself up! You are GORGEOUS and do not look obese in any way! I know the feeling though! Stay tuned... I will post my pics tomorrow and I will start my journal tonight! (If I can figure out how! )

We are all so lucky to have this message board, to be each others strengths and shoulders. (to cry on...) Let's keep in touch and keep each other motivated!!!
I agree on all counts... especially the gorgeous part! Hang in there kiddo, you can do this!
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Old 04-04-2007, 08:42 AM   #174
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:blush: :blush: You guys are too sweet. You guys are the reason I even belong to LCF. In my "real life" nobody offers me the support like you do. If I told my parents I felt fat or obese they would respond with "well, why aren't you doing something about it?"

Some people just don't get it.

Courtney-- I have some yerba mate-- the Guay. brand you were talking about, but I never use it! I know I should, it is the chai spiced mate kind, but it tastes too peppery to me. Are there other, better kinds? I know whole foods has a ton, but I never know which one to buy! It's funny you mention mate because I am obsessed with tea, so for the Holidays my mom ordered me a mate gourd from argentina (is that where it is the native drink?) It's very cool, I have never used it, but it's pretty decoration.

I definitely think you should start a journal. It is really helpful. It's funny you follow KISS and Mercola's plan b/c Dr. Mercola used to be my doctor, and I try to follow KISS. Minus the height difference, it seems like we have a lot in common! Can I ask how old you are? I would love to keep in touch! In fact, if you wanted to talk via email I could send you a private message with my email address? I can always use people to talk to who understand what I'm going through. KWIM? And I can ALWAYS use the motivation / kick in the butt for when I'm being ridiculous and not staying on track.

It's great to meet you!

BigStud-- as always such a sweetie! How is everything going with you??
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Old 04-04-2007, 08:52 AM   #175
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Good Morning Samantha!

Hey there! Yes please feel free to send me your email! You can ask, I am 30... Just turned it this year and it was SO depressing. LOL.

As for the Yerba, I ordered a Gourd and two pounds of the stuff straight from Argentina and I love the stuff. I too, am obsessed with tea. I like the stuff from Argentina but I have read on some sites that others do not. I do like the Gua brand as well. I bought the loose tea and I am using it in my Gourd. I also bought some of the Orange Blossom Tea Bags and they are FAB!

I cannot believe that Dr. Mercola used to be your Doctor! How awesome. I love his site, as there is such an abundance of information there anytime you need it! I have been doing Coconut oil on and off for the past month and I have had a hard time grasping the fact, but I think combined with the Yerba I will be fine. Its just those times that you "fall off" that you worry about all of the Coco fat you have eaten and then if you slip up with carbs, it can be quite worrysome.

I have started a journal. I just need some pointers on how to make the hyperlink read "My Journal" or whatever and I am going to insert pics later when my hyper 1 Year old goes down for a nap... She is a spaz today, but a happy spaz at that. So I should be happy too! Just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. LOL.

I need to go make my Mate... I need that rush of energy and to get started today!

Thanks so much, Samantha and I look forward to chatting soon!

~ Courtney
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Old 04-06-2007, 05:50 AM   #176
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BigStud-- as always such a sweetie! How is everything going with you??
Things are much better this morning as they were 24 hours ago. Other than that I'm doing well (it was work related crap). Looking forward to a busy weekend with family and friends. I hope that you are doing well and that you have a great weekend! Keep smiling!
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Old 04-08-2007, 05:26 PM   #177
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Well! I'm finally back home! As in, apartment home, not hometown home. It was a good weekend, and interesting in terms of my weight.

I was sure that I would gain weight because-- well, because whenever I go home I always gain weight. I was determined to maintain my weight before I left, but without a scale... things can get a but more lenient if you KWIM

Happy to report-- I lost weight!!! I started feeling like my body was getting smaller while I was home, but I thought it was all mental! I just weighed though, and was 188.6, and considering it's nighttime, I will for sure be changing my stats tomorrow!!!! :blush: I'm very happy about this.

It will seem bizarre when I explain what I did to lose the weight, but here goes. I ate LC, basically like induction, but in the morning each day I had some 85% Lindt dark dark chocolate (5net carbs/serving). I know I have talked about my chocolate fetish, but it is not addictive to me! The caffeine, the threomobine (what's it called?), the chocolate -- SOMETHING suppressed my appetite and made me happy I think I would be happy staying on induction for the rest of my life if I could still maintain eating as much 85% dark chocolate as I want. It is so rich that it is HARD to overeat.

I also only ate regular meals, and sometimes went long periods of time without food. I ate a very high % of fat, and I think my calories were somewhat high too....

I am overanalyzing this to death. It could just be a fluke. Caffeine is a diuretic.

But I'm happy.... and even more than that, I had a weight loss epiphany:

I hung out with a highschool friend while I was home, and I started to think of some major flaws in my weight loss logic. Ok, this is going to be super personal.........

As I have said before, I don't go in public when I go home because I am afraid of running into people from highschool. For a while it was paranoia over seeing an exboyfriend, a super-popular girl, the parent of someone important. ALL really petty, silly things. More recently, whenever I am trying to fall asleep, I lie awake thinking about what I'm going to do when I'm thin--- what bars I'm going to show up at, what sleek outfit I'm going to wear, what I'm going to say to people I used to feel inferior to. My logic has always been *this summer*. As in -- "this summer.... when I'm a DIFFERENT person" (because I'll be thin, and naturally, I assume that I will warp into a completely different person when I'm thin), I will stop hiding from events, people, places, and PUT MYSELF OUT THERE.

So my more recent falling asleep thoughts have revolved around my exboyfriend--- and the thought of running into him, what I would say, how I would look-- it gets played over and over in my mind as though it were a movie. When I went home I hung out with a girlfriend of mine who keeps in touch with my exboyfriend, and she was giving me updates on where he is in life.

It made me want to call him.

But I got that feeling again, that-- Oh! over the SUMMER. Because over the SUMMER everything will be better because I will be beautiful and I will show him that I've fared better since the breakup. (Though I initiated the breakup-- so there is faulty logic there already).

Seriously, I don't know how I can be so realistic, yet so petty and ridiculous at the same time. I'm in medical school, I'm going to be a DOCTOR, and I'm afraid to go in public because g-d forbid I should run into my exboyfriend who is a total lowlife (and PS, is now apparently overweight).

And then I realized that the way I think of "summer" is as though I am imagining that magic will transform me. Somewhere along the line I equated SUMMER with SKINNY, and lost track of how I was actually going to GET there. I thought summer and skinny were things that would just happen to me. Yes, I have been trying to lose weight. But have I really been giving it my all? Have I really been strict with myself, planned ahead, held back even though I was really craving something?

Have I pushed myself to exercise? Have I pushed myself to do anything, really?

Because summer is going to happen whether skinny happens or not, and I need to take the action upon myself and stop assuming it will happen. I have been assuming that every summer will be "the skinny summer" for the past 6 years!!!!! 6 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, I realized, I don't have to wait until summer to feel better, nor to feel confident enough to call my ex. If I truly wanted to, I could lose weight this month, I could be a thinner more confident me in a matter of weeks. Will I be a size 4? Doubtful. Can I be a size 8-10 by June? Absolutely. When did my happiness, when did my life REQUIRE that I be a size 4? How much more time am I going to waste waiting, sitting, pondering, hoping and imagining?

I normally only think these things when I am offplan. When I want to remotivate myself, or when I want to tell myself that things will be better. BUT, right now I'm in ketosis, I'm losing weight, I ALREADY feel great. Things ARE already better. And I will keep them this way, because there are very few things in life worth fretting over, and if I am going to fret over something I damn well better take action to change it. Summer will happen with or without my action, so I'll do my best, and no matter what size I am, my best will be good enough.


Wow, I can't believe I just wrote that. Aaaaand I'm done! :blush:

Last edited by Samantha42; 04-08-2007 at 05:29 PM..
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Old 04-08-2007, 07:27 PM   #178
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Happy to report-- I lost weight!!! I started feeling like my body was getting smaller while I was home, but I thought it was all mental! I just weighed though, and was 188.6, and considering it's nighttime, I will for sure be changing my stats tomorrow!!!! :blush: I'm very happy about this.

As I have said before, I don't go in public when I go home because I am afraid of running into people from highschool. For a while it was paranoia over seeing an exboyfriend, a super-popular girl, the parent of someone important. ALL really petty, silly things.

And then I realized that the way I think of "summer" is as though I am imagining that magic will transform me. Somewhere along the line I equated SUMMER with SKINNY, and lost track of how I was actually going to GET there. I thought summer and skinny were things that would just happen to me. Yes, I have been trying to lose weight. But have I really been giving it my all? Have I really been strict with myself, planned ahead, held back even though I was really craving something?

Have I pushed myself to exercise? Have I pushed myself to do anything, really?

And, I realized, I don't have to wait until summer to feel better, nor to feel confident enough to call my ex. If I truly wanted to, I could lose weight this month, I could be a thinner more confident me in a matter of weeks. Will I be a size 4? Doubtful. Can I be a size 8-10 by June? Absolutely. When did my happiness, when did my life REQUIRE that I be a size 4? How much more time am I going to waste waiting, sitting, pondering, hoping and imagining?

BUT, right now I'm in ketosis, I'm losing weight, I ALREADY feel great. Things ARE already better. And I will keep them this way, because there are very few things in life worth fretting over, and if I am going to fret over something I damn well better take action to change it. Summer will happen with or without my action, so I'll do my best, and no matter what size I am, my best will be good enough.
WOW! I'm so happy for you Sam! Congrats on the weight loss over the weekend trip home. Also, congrats on facing a hard fact that most people, me included, are guilty of. You've realized that YOU control your life and YOU can choose when and when not to do things. I can certainly empathize about going out into public and seeing someone you know. Before Christmas, a very good friend of mine passed away and I went to the funeral. I saw several friends from high school, and for some of these people it had been years since I had seen them. I dreaded seeing them, but what can you do? Exactly what you said! I decided then and there that it was finally time for me to lose the weight for good. I understand now that LC is a lifestyle and not a diet. Choices have to be made and when you make a bad one, or a wrong one, you can't beat yourself up... you've got to get right back on that horse.

You should be very proud of yourself! And by the way you are very attractive and shouldn't be ashamed to go into public at home.
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Old 04-08-2007, 08:30 PM   #179
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Hey Sam,

I totally hear where you're coming from! For me it was always the start of the new school year. Over the summer I would lose the weight and 'wow' them when school started again. And, when I started teaching, thatthought pattern just stayed in my head. It's still there, and it's been, hmmm... lets see.... probably ... 18 years ????? (I'm 31).

You know what? Until just now, I had no idea that I have been doing this for that long. Almost 20 years. That makes me feel sick in the pit of my stomach. My quote on my signature is the quote that finally motivated me to put things into action, because I was just like you. Every September I would think, "If only I had done what I said I was going to do....", and every September I realize the summer months just flew by. If only I had dedicated myself for just those few months...

Sam, you CAN do this, and it's going to happen one goal at a time. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to try to comitt myself to getting into deep ketosis for one month, just until the end of April. I was just starting to see a good loss last week, when 2 easter dinners (+ some cookies & some easter eggs) knocked me right out of ketosis. But, tomorrow is a new day.

Thanks for posting even the personal details... I can identify with them more than you know !!

xo
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Old 04-09-2007, 06:03 AM   #180
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WOW! I'm so happy for you Sam! Congrats on the weight loss over the weekend trip home. Also, congrats on facing a hard fact that most people, me included, are guilty of. You've realized that YOU control your life and YOU can choose when and when not to do things. I can certainly empathize about going out into public and seeing someone you know. Before Christmas, a very good friend of mine passed away and I went to the funeral. I saw several friends from high school, and for some of these people it had been years since I had seen them. I dreaded seeing them, but what can you do? Exactly what you said! I decided then and there that it was finally time for me to lose the weight for good. I understand now that LC is a lifestyle and not a diet. Choices have to be made and when you make a bad one, or a wrong one, you can't beat yourself up... you've got to get right back on that horse.

You should be very proud of yourself! And by the way you are very attractive and shouldn't be ashamed to go into public at home.

I'm glad you had the epiphany, too, and let it motivate you!!! You are doing such a great job. And you're right, I need to stop beating myself up over every little thing. But I also need to focus and try harder. Will I ever reach the happy medium

Steph-- Let's do this together!!!! You have already done amazing!! Let's make April a deep ketosis, no cheats, no minicheats, just serious work and see how quickly our bodies choose to lose weight. See, September is so far away now!! You can be at goal over the summer!!! Just imagine!
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