@-->-- :::.. take it easy ..::: --<--@

[GRAN4]

So you cheated....so what...who doesn't now and then!!! PLEASE don't let this get you down! You've made a good start and you have so much to look forward to. Just stay off the scales for a couple days and continue doing what was so successful for you and when you get back on you'll be down! I know you can do this!!!

Just as a side note, I read somewhere (I read a lot but us senior citizens sometimes can't remember where ) anyway, when you exercise enough to make your muscles sore, those muscles are retaining a lot of fluid. Of course, your Mexican food is also helping you retain sooo.......I'd stay off those scales for a couple days until the soreness leaves and drink LOTS of water!!!

[Samantha42]

Well, today I was 181.6. I know that's really from my water weight from TOM, and today I ate even worse than yesterday (try 3 mexican meals, 2 ice creams ). Not weighing tomorrow, just picking back up, chugging the water, and continuing on. No reason to dwell; but why can't I learn from my mistakes? If I don't commit to this NOW and do it whole-heartedly, I'll still be fat when I start medschool.... I can't do that, I just can't. How do you put your foot down and say, "enough is enough"? I never checked to see if I had gotten into ketosis (I don't think I was in heavy, but I may have been in trace).

Mini-goal: Be in Ketosis Tuesday morning. This I can do....

[GRAN4]

SAMANTHA, YOU CAN DO THIS!! Look, even though you had a slip, you're still down! Just hang in there, we're all here with you....."just goin' down the road tryin' to loosen our load..."

[Samantha42]

Originally Posted by GRAN4

SAMANTHA, YOU CAN DO THIS!! Look, even though you had a slip, you're still down! Just hang in there, we're all here with you....."just goin' down the road tryin' to loosen our load..."

I know, I should follow my own advice! Today is a new day, I didn't weigh, and I won't until Tuesday..... but I'm going to be 100% on plan today.

[Potaty]

So how did your day go? Were you on plan??? Inquiring minds want to know!

[Samantha42]

So off plan, it's not even funny. Didn't have breakfast (1st mistake). Ate at Bennigans (2nd mistake). And apparently today is National Ice Cream Day, and god forbid I should not celebrate every holiday that exists (3rd mistake)! I am so glad the day is over. I'm going to sleep 12 hours and not want to get out of bed. I'm going to feel sick and hungover.


On a positive note: Based on experiences, it only takes me 1 day to feel so much better, and 2-3 to lose the water weight, so I need to look forward to that and just get over this slip. Am I the only one who gets such horrible TOM cravings that I feel I can't even control it?


I was reading another thread (protein shake fast) on the main lobby and I thought of a couple things that annoyed me.

A poster commented on how Optifast is what Oprah did, but she gained all the weight back, so clearly it wasn't sustainable weight loss. The most recent time that Oprah lost weight, however, was through Low Carb and exercise. And have you seen her lately? She's gained at least 25 pounds. I think any diet has the rebound effect if you go off it. Once you do Induction even, and rid yourself of sugar addiction, you're kinda stuck eating that way for the rest of your life. Maybe not as extreme, but as soon as you add in carbs, for me at least, I become a total carb-aholic.

Then there was the conversation of Alcoholism vs. Carb Addiction. The argument was that, they are not the same, because with alcohol, you can abstain completely, whereas with food you cannot. I think this is mistaking Alcohol for Food addict. I am not a FOOD addict, nor do I believe anyone on this board is. We are sugar addicts, or "certain-carb" addicts, just like alcohol is a certain beverage. So, we CAN actually abstain from carbs, in the same way that an alcoholic must abstain from alcohol. They are both subsets of larger groups (one being a beverage, one being a food). I believe that an addiction is an addiction, and both require abstinence in order for there to be control. Sorry, I'm ranting to no one, and I should probably post this in the actual thread itself, but I'm afraid that it is a bit detailed and perhaps overly complicated. If it's going to just be skimmed over and ignored, I'd rather just keep it to myself.

That's kinda how I feel about a lot of the things that people talk about. I hate when I tell another person something very important to me, and they brush it off like it doesn't matter, or only 1/2 listen. I may as well have not said anything in the 1st place.

I'm remembering a particular time, exactly 5 years ago. The first time I fell off the Low-Carb wagon I had an awful, bingeful summer. One night I was eating this Amy's Organic Pizza, totally carb-crashing, and I started hysterically crying to my sister about how depressed and out of control I was. She listened for about 30 seconds, and then said she really wanted to go outside to have a cigarette, and would I come with her. Mind you, I was EATING in the kitchen at the time, and crying, and I said I didn't want to go outside. As soon as she left the kitchen I went to my bedroom and cried to myself in the dark. When she came back in she walked past my room (the door was closed) and didn't even come in to see how I was. I had put myself out there, told her I needed her, admitted my vulnerability and sadness, and she just left me. It sounds like a terrible amount of self-pity, me, typing this memory as though I was some victim, but it has stuck with me.

I have always thought that I was a very open, honest, if not painfully blunt person. Yet, my best friend tells me that I am mysterious, that I keep very important things hidden from people. I thought I was much more easy to read, but maybe I do hold back. I know that I blame other people for not understanding and helping me. In all likelihood, I expect great things from other people. But this very best friend of mine.... about 2 weeks ago I cried to her on the phone, told her I was depressed, wasn't living my life, didn't feel in control, could not get out of my house. She said she would call me back with the name of a psychiatrist that she has heard of that is supposed to be "good".... she never did. I could call her and ask her again, but instead I become saddened, thinking that I reached out to someone who really can't understand what I am going through.

Am I ranting in a carb-induced sadness? Probably.... I don't even believe in true sadness anymore. Unless something awful has occurred, I tell myself that I'm sad because of : time of month, my thyroid (on meds), or carb-crashes. That's it. I'm never sad because I'm a miserable person, it's something bigger than that. But what if I am just a sad person? In psychology class we learned that depressed people see themselves more accurately than nondepressed people. For example, if I asked you in a room full of people, what % of them were prettier than you, you may say only 25%. A depressed person may say 50 or 75%, and in all actuality, they would be right. Depressed people don't have blissful ignorance, so who is to say what's normal and what's not normal?

Well, on another note, and a lighter one (for you I'm sure) I must admit:
I HATE PORTA-POTTIES. I had to use one yesterday at an outdoor festival, and I literally ended up peeing allover myself. Add that to 95 degrees outside, and I was very uncomfortable all day

LOL.... I went shopping today and tried to find a strapless bra, which was a HUGE mistake. I was with a guy friend (actually an ex-boyfriend), and it just got too involved and a little embarrassing.... big boobs + strapless = disaster. UGGGGG

Wow, that turned out to be quite a long & personal/philosophical entry.... back to the point: 8 days until my birthday, however will I make my mini-goals?

[Potaty]

I just typed a huge response to your post and I lost it! GRRRR!!

Here is what I remember of it:

First of all, take a few deep breaths, it really will help you feel better. Second, know you are not alone as I saw myself in every word you wrote. This whole weight loss/carb addiction thing is hard as hell! The most important thing is that we keep trying until we get it right!

I am married to a great guy but he has no idea the things I go through related to food. He isn't addicted to carbs and he has no idea how deeply food affects me. He has never planned a crazy route home just so he can stop by a fast food joint for a carby treat he's been dreaming of all day. He's never stopped at a trash can to throw away wrappers to hide the evidence of a binge. He's never felt guilty after eating something as simple as a cracker. But I have and you have, and a lot of people on this board have.

I think it's crappy how your sister and friend treated you. I have ended a few relationships I felt were one-sided. I was always giving or rescuing but I was never on the receiving end when I needed it. I have very few friends now because I have cut out the people I deemed "dead weight". Am I more lonely? Yes. But would I rather keep company with "friends" who were half-assed about being there for me? Absolutely not. I never drop the ball when a friend is in need and I expect the same in return. I'm jaded and hardened after years of one former friend in particular using me and I'm done wasting my time on people like her.

You have my email address, email me anytime you need advice, support, encouragement, anything! I don't care if you need to email me every half hour until you get back into ketosis, I am here for you and I won't drop the ball!

Lots of hugs!

[Samantha42]

Originally Posted by Kate78526

I just typed a huge response to your post and I lost it! GRRRR!!

Here is what I remember of it:

First of all, take a few deep breaths, it really will help you feel better. Second, know you are not alone as I saw myself in every word you wrote. This whole weight loss/carb addiction thing is hard as hell! The most important thing is that we keep trying until we get it right!

I am married to a great guy but he has no idea the things I go through related to food. He isn't addicted to carbs and he has no idea how deeply food affects me. He has never planned a crazy route home just so he can stop by a fast food joint for a carby treat he's been dreaming of all day. He's never stopped at a trash can to throw away wrappers to hide the evidence of a binge. He's never felt guilty after eating something as simple as a cracker. But I have and you have, and a lot of people on this board have.

I think it's crappy how your sister and friend treated you. I have ended a few relationships I felt were one-sided. I was always giving or rescuing but I was never on the receiving end when I needed it. I have very few friends now because I have cut out the people I deemed "dead weight". Am I more lonely? Yes. But would I rather keep company with "friends" who were half-assed about being there for me? Absolutely not. I never drop the ball when a friend is in need and I expect the same in return. I'm jaded and hardened after years of one former friend in particular using me and I'm done wasting my time on people like her.

You have my email address, email me anytime you need advice, support, encouragement, anything! I don't care if you need to email me every half hour until you get back into ketosis, I am here for you and I won't drop the ball!

Lots of hugs!

Aww, Kate, I really just got feclemped reading your post (you know what feclemped means, right? i.e. choked up with emotion)

I thought even writing that last post that anyone reading it would think I was nuts. I know EXACTLY what you mean about driving home a different route to eat something, having to have that something like you would burst if you didn't get it when you wanted it. Even tonight I hid wrappers, throwing them in the garbage or recycle bin in the garage in plastic bags so nobody sees the evidence in the kitchen....

I agree so much about the dead weight w/ so many friends. I can't decide if it's better to be lonely or better to have friends that aren't the truest of friends. This past year has been a really tough year for me. I graduated college, my mom got cancer/chemo, I had to apply to medschools (I can't tell you how much work it is).... that, and I'm fat and won't be seen in public. My friends all know these things about me, yet I think I am too burdensome for them to make an effort. Like, since they know I won't go out with them on the weekends, they don't bother calling, or they flame me for caring too much about my appearance, and they get frustrated.

Kate, your response made me think of a book -- called "Drinking" by Caroline Knapp... it's her autobiography about her alcoholism. When I read the book, I cried and cried. I highlighted so much of it, too, because for about 99% of the things she said about alcohol, I related to with food. The hiding things, the sense of urgency to need it, lying about it to others, trying not to look suspicious when out to dinner and try to do what everyone else is doing. O really recommend you read itl it's a very fast read.

I wish you lived in Chicago! My closest friend is my exboyfriend, which is probably a huge mistake, and he does not understand my food issues. I'm so glad you understand where I'm coming from, and don't be shocked if I email you tomorrow .... I just don't know the best way to get back to ketosis.... I could try and eat protein every 2 hours and hope my blood sugars stay stable, I could fast for 2 days, workout tomorrow & do weights... go get a massage, manicure, make myself busy all day. I don't know. I can't bear the nighttime cravings, and I want break my cycle.

[GRAN4]

Samantha, awwwww sweetie I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. Your last few posts make me want to cry with you (not for you because you don't need that) It all sounds so very familiar...hiding food wrappers, going from one fast food place to another (eat moderately at each one but hit 3) of course, you NEVER get out of the car so anyone might actually SEE you! Go to a town 20 miles away to binge, hoping you won't see anyone you know and cringe in agony if you do! Go home to hubbie with your tummy so stuffed it hurts and say, "I'm not really hungry....should I fix you some clam chowder tonight" Can't count the times I've done this and he's so good it's fine with him! Of course, always having been thin, he doesn't really understand my problem but he never criticizes me (still thinks I'm so smart even though I'm not the slender girl he married 40 years ago) How is it that we can be intelligent creative people and so unable to control our eating? I've read that a high percentage of those in MENSA are very overweight or obese. I'm not trying to brag here, but I do have a relatively high IQ and there are times (when I'm really down) that I wish I were a moron! Sorry, I shouldn't vent in your journal!
Samantha, just know that [b]YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
Don't give up....eat that protein and get back into ketosis!

[Samantha42]

Originally Posted by GRAN4

Samantha, awwwww sweetie I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. Your last few posts make me want to cry with you (not for you because you don't need that) It all sounds so very familiar...hiding food wrappers, going from one fast food place to another (eat moderately at each one but hit 3) of course, you NEVER get out of the car so anyone might actually SEE you! Go to a town 20 miles away to binge, hoping you won't see anyone you know and cringe in agony if you do! Go home to hubbie with your tummy so stuffed it hurts and say, "I'm not really hungry....should I fix you some clam chowder tonight" Can't count the times I've done this and he's so good it's fine with him! Of course, always having been thin, he doesn't really understand my problem but he never criticizes me (still thinks I'm so smart even though I'm not the slender girl he married 40 years ago) How is it that we can be intelligent creative people and so unable to control our eating? I've read that a high percentage of those in MENSA are very overweight or obese. I'm not trying to brag here, but I do have a relatively high IQ and there are times (when I'm really down) that I wish I were a moron! Sorry, I shouldn't vent in your journal!
Samantha, just know that [b]YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
Don't give up....eat that protein and get back into ketosis!

1st of all..... feel absolutely free to vent in my journal! 2nd, I am glad your husband still praises you and never puts you down or makes you feel bad about yourself. About the intelligence thing, I know! I can't help but think that if I could trade my brain for a perfect body for the rest of my life, I might choose body. All my brain does is overanalyze things.... Isn't that horrible I'd even think about trading the 2???! I hate that I can't control how I eat sometimes, like I'm supposed to be better than that, and I know what to do, I just don't DO it.

How many times have I driven 20 miles away to binge, cringe when I see someone I know. You gotta read that book, too! It's really great, I think I'm going to go out and buy it today because I can't seem to find my copy

I'm staying off the scale, but I'd put myself at 187. 187!!! Ridiculous!!! I'm going to control myself today, because I have been out of control. I forget that this is a matter of will, and no matter how bad my cravings get, this is MY life and MY decision.

[Aldiana]

Sam? I could have written that... I think many of us can and that is why this board is so excellent for support! Don't ever apologize or feel bad for what you write. It's yours.. and yours alone. sometimes I think it helps to get those feelings out front and center so we can look at them more closely and deal with them or what they are trying to represent!

Come on girlfriend (yeah I know.. I wouldn't know you if I saw you on the street but what the heck!) we can do this!! I was ok at breakfast this morning? you?

maybe if we take it a meal at a time. try to control in little chunks... with me??

*hugs*

[Potaty]

Originally Posted by GRAN4

How is it that we can be intelligent creative people and so unable to control our eating? I've read that a high percentage of those in MENSA are very overweight or obese.

Gran, I agree with you. I also have a high IQ, as does my mom and we are both overweight. Strange to think being a smarty can have such a negative impact.

[Samantha42]

Originally Posted by Aldiana

Sam? I could have written that... I think many of us can and that is why this board is so excellent for support! Don't ever apologize or feel bad for what you write. It's yours.. and yours alone. sometimes I think it helps to get those feelings out front and center so we can look at them more closely and deal with them or what they are trying to represent!

Come on girlfriend (yeah I know.. I wouldn't know you if I saw you on the street but what the heck!) we can do this!! I was ok at breakfast this morning? you?

maybe if we take it a meal at a time. try to control in little chunks... with me??

*hugs*

Yeah... journaling here has definitely helped me... if not just to get things out that I don't really want to talk about with my friends / family. So far (it is 7pm) I have done great! No cheating, no cravings. Been peeing all day. I really want to maintain or lose tomorrow, its weigh in day for my challenge!

Did you make it through the day on plan??


Kate-- probably a stupid question , but how do you know your IQ score? This whole IQ vs Weight convo is very interesting to me... I don't want to be a fat doctor one day, that's such an oxy-moron or something! There are so many unhealthy Dr's (overweight, smokers, dont exercise), it seems like, if they can't follow their own advice, how can they expect anyone else to?

[GRAN4]

Sam, you're going to be a wonderful, empathetic Dr. cause you've been there an' done this! This experience is going to make you a better person and a better Dr! So just keep on keepin' on and I KNOW youll be down tomorrow for your weigh in!

[Potaty]

My mom was tested in elementary school and was very high. I've never been officially tested, I just know I'm smart. I hope that doesn't sound completely self-absorbed!

[GRAN4]

I was tested in high school because of my chronic school skipping and still maintaining decent grades ( I went ALMOST half the time ) When they called me in for couseling, I sneaked a look at the score! I love those online IQ tests when I'm feeling down, it picks me up!

[Aldiana]

Originally Posted by Samantha42

So far (it is 7pm) I have done great! No cheating, no cravings. Been peeing all day.

You go girl!! did you get through the entire day?? just pick one something and we will do it at a time... whether 1 meal or one day or whatever!

Did you make it through the day on plan??

I sure did!! I"ll post in my journal what I ate

KUTGW!!

lori

[Aldiana]

Morning

How we doing today?? I"m drinking my water, off to have a cup of coffee and a bite to eat and then off to the bank and to get hubby's new glasses.

I'll check in later!!

*hugs*

[Samantha42]

I wanna know my IQ score! I'm going to assume I'm at least normal but maybe I'm a genius! LOL, just kidding.... I think I once did an online one and it said I was a genius or something, but I'm sure that was kinda bunk.

Yesterday went REALLY well, so well I don't even know how I did it. I distracted myself a great deal and cleaned out my basement. Started packing for school. Drank a lot of lime/stevia/water and tea, and somehow I didn't get any cravings for carbs or anything! I just didn't even think about it!

Gran-- You are so close to your mini-goal, I'm so proud of you!!! You have to celebrate somehow! 20 pounds is no small feat... If I lost 20 pounds in 2-3 weeks I'd have been at goal a year ago! Instead I'm playing the cycle game.

Kate-- Thanks for keeping me in line! ANd it does not sound self-absorbed to say you're smart. This website is for both bragging and shame-- things we can't say to people in our "real worlds" So I'll go ahead and say it: I know I'm smart, too, and I'm going to medical school!

When I think about how much prettier girls from my high school are (and skinnier), I tell myself that I'm going to medschool and I'll be completely financially independent, whereas when they get divorced they will have to work their as*es off to make money to support themselves. My logic is ridiculous, but I'm glad I'll be self-sufficient, and I feel like I'll have a different kind of bragging rights. Isn't that shallow of me?

Aldiana-- Yes! One day at a time! I'm glad you made it, too.... we're back on track with a vengeance !!

I think I may change my goals a little, or just tweak them... I think I'll wait until August 1st to see where I am before I change them, but there is no way I'll be 170 in a week.... unless I starved myself One week is my birthday!

[Aldiana]

Hiya Sam

I'm soooo happy to hear you did so well yesterday!! keep it up!!

as for your IQ, I know the book stores sell the tests as well as a few online. I had mine done a few years ago... ok quite a few lol and I think it was in the 140-150 range.. I never really bothered to check what it was but assume it was normal or a bit better.

being self sufficient is a very wonderful goal!! shallow? Huh?? that is a very reachable and exciting goal!! To be able to depend on one's own self is a very special thing
I went to college right out of high school; made it 1 month.. *sigh* went back 12 years later and ended up with my AA. not bad for a non-trad I was too busy taking over the school to take classes! I fell in love with politics and the student senate hehe but did get some book smarts out of it! When I think of going back now, it excites me! I love to learn! I always think about going in for law or something... but always back out thinking I'm too old. I'm 46 so would be about 50 when I got done. Seems kind of old to be starting out. I do get really peeved about some things though and want to be a catalyst for change
ok enough of my blather! I can go on.... and on... heheh

DO WELL!!! I"m rooting for you!!

[GRAN4]

Hey Samantha, You're doing GREAT; you know the first day is the worst day OF COURSE YOU'RE SMART...actually more than smart or you would'nt have made it into med. school!
Just wait 'til you go to your 10 year class reunion and you're all skinny and sexy AND have an MD after your name! They'll all envy you and say they knew you back when....
Keep it up, Samantha!