@-->-- :::.. take it easy ..::: --<--@

[sweetie_pie]

Hey there girls

OK, here's what I'll do - I'll email you guys current pics! How's that?? I just can't be brave enough & put them out there for anyone & everyone to see !!!
Yes, I'm chicken! I'll try to see if I can take some tonight. I'll have to set the camera up & put the timer on. That can be a funny exercize in itself

Court, you are right, you can't compare apples with oranges when it comes to weight! Everyone is different. My sister is the same height as me (5' 6"), she is slimmer than me, but I think she weighs close to my weight because she is ligitimately big-boned. (I wish I could use the big-boned excuse, but I know I'm not). When you compare her wrists with mine, her's are about an inch & a half larger around. And she has very large hands. She is just a more solid frame, but because of that she carries the weight better than I do.

The nice part is that I know I have a more 'petite' me underneath all of this ! I just have to find it !! She will always have a larger, broader frame than me.

I'll have to look for my 190' pictures. I know I have a few kicking around. The trouble is that I'd have to scan them into the computer, and I don't have a scanner. I'll work on it & see what I can do.

Court, you just let your friends words fuel you on! I have been doing the same type of thing in my head. You are going to show her !! Ha! Even if she never knows how her comments have bothered you, you know, and you can get the satisfaction of proving her wrong !!!! You GO GIRL !!!

OK - enough procratinating. I've got a mound of work to do around here. I'll try to check back later with you guys.

xox

[Samantha42]

I think I ate too much today

Can I blame it on my PMS?? Do you guys let yourself eat more when you are PMSing?

I had 3 salads + coconut bark

B: 2.5 TB CO
L: salad + tuna + a tad of chix salad
L #2: bistro steak salad @ Panera, with Greek dressing, had gorgonzola and walnuts
D: salad + radish + chix + artichoke + cuc + peppers + portillo's dressing
1 pt of grape tomatoes (is that AWFUL )


After I had the Panera salad my throat felt itchy. I wonder if it was the dairy or the nuts?

Darn! I hope I'm not heavier tomorrow. I'm mad at myself

[courtneyallison1]

Don't worry about it. I do eat more when I am PMS'ing BUT its not that I allow myself, I just naturally tend to be hungrier at that time Ever since I have been drinking Yerba though, that has kinda gone away and so has a major portion of my PMS symptoms and irritability. (Though not all of course )
Your menu sounds totally good though and a lotta salad never hurt anyone. What if it makes you lose more?!?! I will jump for joy for you!

You will be fine and good luck tomorrow!

[Samantha42]

Originally Posted by courtneyallison1

Don't worry about it. I do eat more when I am PMS'ing BUT its not that I allow myself, I just naturally tend to be hungrier at that time Ever since I have been drinking Yerba though, that has kinda gone away and so has a major portion of my PMS symptoms and irritability. (Though not all of course )
Your menu sounds totally good though and a lotta salad never hurt anyone. What if it makes you lose more?!?! I will jump for joy for you!

You will be fine and good luck tomorrow!

I doubt I will lose I gain very easily, and I can almost always predict if the scale will go up or down. I weigh over 190 right now--- hopefully I pee 10 times by morning Otherwise-- I'll probably be about 188.

GRrrr. When am I going to be in the 170s? 160s?? 150s?!?!? COME ON ALREADY!!!

[courtneyallison1]

Originally Posted by Samantha42

GRrrr. When am I going to be in the 170s? 160s?? 150s?!?!? COME ON ALREADY!!!

Stay the course and you will be there in NO TIME!!! I am going to take new pics either tonight or tomorrow! I already feel so great like everything is fitting better, etc.

Not to boast, but I also forgot to tell you all about the wedding shower I went to last weekend and my Parents being back after not seeing me for a month plus... Everyone last week told me that I looked like I had lost a LOT of weight (yeah, thanks. I think ) and my Parents noticed a change. My Mom even got jealous (haha) and asked me what I had been doing - my Husband saw the way she asked me and he was blown away at how she acted. I always explain how she seems to like it when she weighs less than me and he never sees it. He saw it then and thought it was funny. My Mom has always been a yo-yo dieter and she has been successful with WW for the past couple of years although she fluctuates a lot because of WW's eat whatever you want theories. So when I started to gain I know she loved it that she was smaller than me because she could try and give me advice and try to tell me how to lose weight. As if I need the advice... So yeah, it felt good to WOW them because you really don't see the changes in yourself like everyone else does...

So Sam, that was my "Library" moment. Haha! LOL.

Just thought I would share some good news that I totally forgot to share last week!

KUTGW Sam! You'll break into the 150's in no time!

[sweetie_pie]

Hey Court -

that's awesome about the shower last weekend!! Doesn't that feel great ??? I had the same thing with my MIL 2 weeks ago. She is the same way - always trying every diet for about a week, and never sticking to anything, so she's never really lost anything. It killed her when she hadn't seen me for a while, and then I was down 25 lbs.

You just stay the course, and you'll REALLY wow them next time you see them!

Sam, I ate almost a whole pint of those tomatos today, too! I haven't had them in a while, and they were soooo good. So sweet! Be glad that you had GOOD carbs, and not awful man-made ones. We are in this with you for the long haul, so don't sweat it. You WILL get the weight off, sooner or later. I know sooner would be better than later, but I think of it this way :
If it takes longer than I would like, it means the chances are greater that it will stay off for good. It also means I will get more practice in making this a LIFESTYLE choice, rather than just a temporary diet.

Slow & steady.... slow & steady..... You are doing it girl !! Don't sweat the scale tomorrow, especially if it's TOM. My weight fluctuates by as much as 6 pounds at that time, but it always comes off if I just stay the course. (I wish I'd followed that little bit of advice last week !)

Got to get to bed. I've been staying up too late on the computer lately, and it's killing me during the day.

Hugs to you both !

[Samantha42]

Court-- That's crazy about your mom!! I can't believe that your Mom would want you or your dad to fail at this WOL. It will even better HER to have you guys get in shape and be healthy! And about your friend who kinda insulted you even though she didn't mean to: whatever gives you motivation, go for it! You KNOW what your size is! Who is she to say that's not possible?!?! At 186 you look HAWT, I could see how you would be a tiny thing at 130, even 160 pounds! And PS how did your parents look after their trip? Did they lose weight from walking a lot, even though they didn't eat well (I'm asking because if I go there in July I want to think that I can still lose weight! ) PSS We were basically the same weight today, again!

Steph-- That's great that you showed your MIL how great you are doing! (a silent victory, right?). You are right about this being a long-haul thing--- one summer isn't going to make or break me if I am NOT 140 lbs. As long as I am working, and progressing, and getting to goal at a reasonable pace (6 months? 1 year?) then I am doing well. The slower you lose the longer you keep it off?

I was up to 187.6 today (grr, but not awful). TOM is seriously pending.

I ate a bit too much

B: 3 TB CO bark
L: salad + chicken + vinegar
S: 1 package pumpkin seeds, 1 package peanuts, 2 SF mints, 2 SF gum
D: ceaser salad + tomato mozzarella salad (both shared) + tilapia, shrimp + veggies (escarole, mushrooms). 2 rum & diet cokes. 3 spoonfuls of vanilla gelato. Shhhh you didn't read that!



If I go on that trip I am going to be "hiking" a lot. That's all the itinerary says--- and I KNOW everyone on the trip is going to be thin and in shape (I saw pics of people from last years trip). I do NOT WANT TO BE the FAT girl. So I have 2 months-- almost exactly-- I have to make this happen. Say I lose 2 lbs a week-- then I can be in the 160s (almost )

I just saw this smiley A person waving hand--- is this new??? OMG and this one too! There are new SMILEYS to be used!! Haha only two, but still, kinda exciting.

[Samantha42]

I am 189.2 today. Ridiculous! But still NO TOM!!!! SO I am attributing it to TOM (and a late, big dinner), and will hopefully see a massive woosh soon!

I have NOT been sleeping well the past few days, can PMS do that??


Oh my! I just went to google periods and insomnia, and I typed in "TOM sleep". OBVIOUSLY they didn't know what I was talking about! I forget how TOM is only used here! Silly early morning mistake. Man, I'm tired! Long day of work ahead of me. Grrr.

AND it's verified: (I have about 85% of the symptoms listed).


Nearly every woman has experienced premenstrual syndrome, or PMS, to some degree; its symptoms occur during the early luteal phase of your cycle, two weeks prior to menstruation. (If you don't become pregnant at ovulation, both estrogen and progesterone decrease and your body sheds its uterine lining as menstrual flow.) Indications include bloating, weight gain, fluid retention, insomnia, moodiness, irritability, anxiety, headaches, acne, breast tenderness, shifts in sex drive, cramps and cravings for carbohydrates and sweets. Studies indicate that these lowered levels of estrogen and progesterone increase nighttime awakenings and NREM, or nondream, sleep.
Recent studies also show women who suffer from PMS have less slow-wave deep sleep -- stages 3 and 4 -- during the entire month, not just during the premenstrual weeks. The most common PMS sleep complaints include all three types of insomnia (sleep-onset, sleep-maintenance and early morning-awakening insomnias), hypersomnia (sleeping too much), unpleasant dreams and nightmares, and morning and daytime fatigue.
If you suffer from serious mood shifts during the two weeks prior to menstruation, you may be diagnosed with premenstrual dysphoric disorder, or PMDD. While you might experience other symptoms -- such as fluid retention, bloating and cramping -- with PMDD, you'll also notice mood shifts that feel like major depressions, accompanied with all the associated sleep difficulties. The symptoms disappear until the next luteal phase, when your hormones again interact to prepare your body for possible pregnancy.

[Samantha42]

Well, I THOUGHT I was craving before-- until today-- when I was REALLY craving

B: 3-4 TB CO
L: cobb salad + italian dressing, chicken stew
D: salad --- huge-- mixed veggies, portillo's dressing + pine nuts (1.5servings?)--- I ate way too much salad & way too much dressing
S: pumpkin seeds

+ 1 Hansen's Diet Soda (thirsty from the seeds?)
+ iced tea (no caffeine)
+ 3 cups water? (oy)

Remember my last post on PMS symptoms? ONE of those is REALLY bad right now (ie I feel like my chest is going to fall off). Ew that was graphic. WELL-- that means I am retaining major water.... I am sure I am going to be up in weight tomorrow. I can't deal with this roller coaster ride.

I am probably not in ketosis... tomorrow I may water fast. Exams are coming up soon (start Friday, thru next Friday), and if I am at all tempted to binge I KNOW I WILL. Every round of exams (4 thus far) I binge on high carb foods and LC foods (usually it starts with LC snacks like peanuts-- leads up to full on carb binges). Last time was the worst week of my life (you can read my uber depressing posts on my journal here, woohoo! uplifting stuff, let me tell you!)


I feel like for every step I take in the right direction I am pulled 3 steps backward. My progress is nil. I have gained 10 lbs since school started (lost 5, then gained 15). Incredible. I really can't take this anymore. That's a new face. Dont know what it means--- but felt like using it. It looks like someone who is blushing. I don't feel like blushing, I feel like crying.

And TOM STILL HAS not started!!!!!! This is awful.

[daisymaiz]

Hey just popping in to say hi, and give you a

Your new avatar is beautiful. I like the B & W.

[Samantha42]

Originally Posted by daisymaiz

Hey just popping in to say hi, and give you a

Your new avatar is beautiful. I like the B & W.

Thanks Daisy darlin'! How are you doing??? I am still so excited for you being pregnant. You are my first pregnant "friend" !


Me? Up in weight (as expected). Going to flush with lots of fluids. CO for breakfast.

[Samantha42]

And a WARNING here-- I'm about to vent some frustration:

How long have I been posting that I am PMSing?? I'm going to look back and check, but I'd say 5-6 days? Ok Thursday morning I said I was super bloated and about to have TOM. It is now Monday night. NO TOM to be found. Wouldn't care except that I FEEL like it should be here. I feel yucky. And I have been eating a lot the past few days telling myself it's kinda OK since I'm PMSing.... Ummm what is going on?! It's not fair-- lose weight 2 weeks of every month, then stuck gaining weight for the next 2? Who invented this plan

So there is my first vent. PLUS I am sure I'm up in weight. I kept snacking on pumpkin seeds all day and I probably had about 7! TB of coconut bark.

My other gripe is that I think LC makes me depressed. When I do really well and lose weight, I'm depressed. When I eat higher carbs and gain weight, I feel giddy and silly and I laugh more. What's up with that? How can something that feels so right for your body not be right for your mind to?

I know it obviously will help my mind in the long run, and I am much more stabilized when I LC. I just don't feel peppy and fun. I think everyone is annoying. I see people's little quirks all the time instead of the positive things I should be grateful for.

OK that's enough It's MAY already. MAY. WHAT?!?!

and COURTNEY (can you picture me screaming)... WHERE ARE YOU Where do you Go GO Go.

Steph-- did you get a new computer yet

[Samantha42]

187.2.... not bad for exam time. Doing pretty well, not really losing, but glad to maintain right now.

Just a quick check-in!

[courtneyallison1]

SWEET! Congrats! You are doing awesome! Can't wait til you're back for good!

[Samantha42]

Thanks, Court!!

Today was 186.2!

[Samantha42]

181.6 Just checking in. Things are going very well!

[sweetie_pie]

Sam,
I haven't checked in with you in a while, so here I am
Wow, I can't believe how great you're doing !!! Way to Go Girl !!!
The pounds are just dropping off you now!

I have been doing much better after getting back into ketosis. I had a minor moment on Monday night (it was the Bachelor finale -- Somehow I just didn't know HOW I could watch the 2 hr finale without a bag of Doritos !!). Well, that bag (and trust me - it was no small bag!), that bag set me off course for about 2 days. Until that point I had been steadily losing about 0.5 per day. The next morning I was up 1 pound, and it took until this morning to get back to where I was on Monday.

The moral of this story ---- Don't binge!! Just don't do it! Ketosis is the place to be, so just stay there & feel the joy of watching the scale freefall!

Hope you're having a great day. Keep up the good work !!

[Samantha42]

Steph-- glad to hear you're doing well!! I'm doing alright-- had some gelato at dinner. But, I feel in control, and now I'll be right back on track tomorrow. I'll bet I'm still in ketosis, given that I have been so "on" lately. Hopefully I can be in the 170s soon!!

We should start posting here again! I miss you

[sweetie_pie]

I miss you too! Life has been busy since the nice weather hit. I don't know where my days go some weeks! I'm a stay at home mom, but I am honestly busier than when I was working FT !! How can that be? I think it's because my "work" is all around me, 24/7. At least when I worked at an office, I left the office behind. Now my "work" stares at me from the couch... and even when I'm on the computer, the laundry room is right beside me..

Sigh..

Anyhow - Yes, I'm sure you are still in ketosis! Your body is so much more forgiving of a 'cheat' if you are in deep ketosis. (Mine is, anyhow). BUT, I have to be sure not to let it get out of hand.

Tomorrow we're going out for dinner, and I'll be able to eat LC at the restaurant. Then everybody is coming to our place for dessert. I'm making this strawberry shortcake/jello/whipcream thing that is to die for. The only ingredients are Cool whip, jello, strawberries, & angel food cake. I figure I'm going to make it with real whip cream, diet jello, and not be concerned about the angel food cake. That will be my only splurge for the night, so I think I'll be ok. Or, am I just deluding myself?!? We'll have to wait until Sat morning to see!!!

Hope you're having a great night. Do you have school right through the summer, or are you done soon? Have you confirmed plans for your trip in the fall? I'm just curious.

Night night!!

[Samantha42]

Hey Steph!!

I haven't confirmed my plans for the summer actually. I have done a total 180 on what I want to do. I don't really want to be gone for a month anymore, I really want to be here at home for my last summer. There are so many Chicago things I have always wanted to do and never did, and this is my last opportunity to do a lot of them.

Hmmm the shortcake thing--- I dunno! Could you just have the whipped cream and strawberries? Such a slippery slope, KWIM?

I was in ketosis yesterday despite the gelato. But I had a huge dinner, followed by 2 packets of peanuts (the lil bagged ones), then a pint of tomatoes. It wasn't really that bad (far from a real cheat), but I ate late at night and the peanuts did NOT agree with me. I think I'm up like 3 pounds from it. Back on plan today! But I'm definitely frustrated.

I have school for 3 more weeks! Then I'm done until September. The next 3 weeks are going to be tough tough tough. But since I made it thru last exams on plan I am determined to do it even better this time. IE this time no diet drinks at ALL, and no seeds probably, too. Just a very clean plan and a lot of studying, hopefully I'll still drop some pounds!

[Samantha42]

Well this weekend has been interesting food wise---- after my slip-up on Friday, I was ravenous saturday morning and had a salad w/ a lot of cabbage (as the base), sesame oil, chicken and bacon. It made me SO sick ALL day, with horrible horrible stomach cramps and nausea. I don't think I digested the meal for 24+ hours. It was sick. So when I went out Saturday night I was in an awful mood and my high school friends ended up bailing on me. I stuck it out til 11pm and started to feel better, so I ended up dancing and having a good night. Mr simple was there, awkward! Haha, not really, but this is not a healthy crush that I have going on. I know this is off topic but this weekend I have realized that I only like going out and being social when I know Mr. Simple is going to be there. Which is not good! I need to be independent and outgoing regardless of my silly crush on a guy who has a GIRLFRIEND. And it's funny I call him Mr. Simple because last night we were hanging out and he said something like "I'm a really simple guy", and I was thinking, if only you knew I call you that!!


Ok so Saturday all I ate was the salad at about 11am.... then nothing until Sunday morning because I felt so ill. Sunday morning I had a spinach and feta omelette.... then had nothing the rest of the day. Except for a few drinks at night Yes, I drank on an empty stomach (WHO does that??!). Somehow, I think my being sick on Saturday got me back into ketosis more quickly, and now I have no appetite and don't want to eat.

Another ANNOYING thing is last night I had some people over at my apartment... and eventually I was the only girl there. So the guys were looking at my trashy magazines (people, in touch etc) that I have on my table, and they were talking about girls. You know, who is hot, and who is blahblahblah and it made me insanely jealous!!!!

I am convinced that if I were thin that they wouldn't have been talking about other girls. Like I would have been enough or something. Which is ridiculous. I will never be Jessica Alba or Jessica Simpson. I just tell myself that if I were thin, got blonde highlights and a nose job, my life would not be flawed anymore. Isn't that ridiculous??

And a new recent low today: 181.

[Samantha42]

Can I just go ahead and vent for a second?


I planned out my whole summer during my "high on life", super social, "thin" time period (May/early June)... and I have seriously miscalculated things. I am a total hermit. Everyday I come home from work (Diabetes camp), I order movies on demand, I BINGE eat, and I mean binge eat... not just overeat. I cry (from the movie, from life)... I think about moving, I think about really dumb depressing things.

Then 2 days ago my Mom suddenly has a huge unexpected event-- her boyfriend of 5 years who lives in my HOUSE just comletely changes overnight and moves out-- the whole shebang. My mom was diagnosed with leukemia 2 years ago and this man was her comlete support system, love of her life, etc. Now I just don't know what will become of her. She is so unhappy and distraught.... she feels like she can't go on.

So she plans on coming here this weekend... and I have a pint of ice cream, a canister of Dibs (yeah who buys DIBS?), and a bag of trailmix in my freezer. I was going to throw them out, and have convinced myself to keep the "real" and snack food in the house for when my mom comes. I really have little food in my apartment that would suffice her.

Now I'm questioning if I should be moving back home for the summer. And then I foresee another summer just like the past 6... a fattening, depressing, binge eating, antisocial introverted summer. The kind of summer where I sorta stop calling people and they sorta stop calling me because we all know that I'm lame and won't step out of my house. The kind where my mom wants to go to dinner at a nice steakhouse in town and I panic because I don't want to see people from my "old" life and I convince us not to go or to go on a Monday night at 4pm.

And it makes me want to cry and cry and not get out of bed.

I keep trying to get advice, and I mean real advice, the kind that doesn't just slap you on the face, but comforts you, then makes you feel optimistic, then gives you a plan to get you started back up again. I am so fogheaded I can't even make a plan--- I sit here just throwing words at myself: atkins! stillmans! meat egg! fast! pills! but none of it materializes.

Again, 1 step forward, 2 steps back.

[summergirl]

OMG Samantha...are we twins??!!

So much of your journal especially this last one hit a nerve with me.

I just wanted to let you know there are a lot of girls that are struggling with the same things you write about.