I want my life back

[Pug]

I have been on this forum for a while but have never made a journal. I have been battling various eating disorders for the past 10 years and have ballooned back up to 135pounds. Just a month ago i was around 110-115. Night time binging and picking up white flour have been the cause, plus the lack of exercise that has been going on. My brain feels foggy and my body feels like it isn't even mine. Everything happened so fast! I have to get back on a regular eating schedule during the day and an exercise program. Dear God, give me the strength to fight the depression and lazziness that have been following me.

[Pug]

Starting Monday

THE QUICK LOSS METHOD

This is a severe form of ketogenic diet. It is not easily sustainable for the longterm. It may be useful in breaking plateaus and in those too impatient to allow their bodies to take the fat off gradually at its own pace.

NOTHING ELSE IS PERMITTED ON THIS DIET--NOTHING! IF IT'S NOT MENTIONED IN THE FOLLOWING LIST, DON'T EAT OR DRINK IT.

Eat all you wish of the following foods to satisfy hunger. If you eat until you've satisfied your hunger but haven't stuffed yourself, and then feel hungry before the next meal, you can eat again, but only from the foods listed here. In fact, you're better off eating smaller meals 6 times a day than 3 bigger meals as is the general custom. But you limit yourself to this extensive list of high protein foods.

1. LEAN MEATS,with all possible fat trimmed off. Includes beef, lamb, veal. Eat it broiled, boiled, baked or smoked. No butter, margarine, oil or other fats or grease are to be used either in the cooking or the eating.

2. CHICKEN AND TURKEY with all skin removed. Broiled, boiled or roasted, with no butter, margarine, oil or other fats or greases. Young fowl is preferable but not necessary.

3. ALL LEAN FISH such as flounder, haddock, cod and perch; SEAFOOD: shrimps, scallops, lobsters, oysters, clams, crabs. No butter, margarine, oil or other fats or greases permitted in preparation or serving. You may have cocktail sauce, horseradish, ketchup-in moderation.

4. EGGS. Hard boiled preferably. Also soft or medium boiled eggs, poached, or any type of fried eggs made in non-fat, non-stick pans without butter, margarine, oil or other fats or greases.

5. COTTAGE CHEESE, FARMER CHEESE, POT CHEESE made with skim milk and no whole milk.

6. AT LEAST 8 GLASSES OF WATER PER DAY, absolutely essential (10 ounce glasses). As much as you want of coffee and tea without cream, milk or sugar. You may sweeten with non-caloric sweeteners to taste. Enjoy all the club soda, vichy and non-caloric carbonated beverages you wish, as often as desired.

The eight <10 ounce> glasses of water daily are in addition to whatever coffee, tea and non-caloric carbonated beverages you drink. This is an integral part of the specific internal process put into motion by the Quick Weight Loss Diet. Much more of your body fat is burned up than with most other diets. This leaves in its wake the waste products or ashes of burnt fat. [ketone bodies] They must all be washed out of your system by water which also serves to relieve any unpleasant dryness and taste in the mouth.

Note: ketone bodies are not ashes, they are the by-product of incomplete burning of fats. Ketones are to fat as charcoal is to wood. Ketones can be burned for fuel by your body. Most people have feedback loops to protect against ketosis-acidosis.

You may use common seasonings such as salt, pepper, garlic, cloves, thyme, other herbs and spices, cocktail sauce, tabasco sauce, horseradish, ketchup. Don't use any creamy or oily sauces or dressings. No mayonaise, no salad dressings, no oils, no fats.

It is desirable to take vitamins daily with the diet, such as a once-daily vitamin and mineral tablet.

NOTHING ELSE IS PERMITTED ON THIS DIET--NOTHING! IF IT'S NOT MENTIONED IN THE PRECEDING LIST, DON'T EAT OR DRINK IT.

If you disregard the instructions and eat regular carbohydrates or sugar or alcohol, you will stop burning up stored fat as efficiently. Even one indiscretion, one mouthful of ice cream, for example, will set you back a day or two.

You will lose the most weight on The Quick Loss Diet, most quickly, if you eat only to satisfy your humger pangs rather than to gratify a desire to eat just for the pleasure of eating.

This diet has practically no residue (fiber). Therefore it is likely that you may not have a bowel movement for a few days, although not necessarily so. In any case don't be alarmed by any such lack. [note: extra vitamin C or milk of magnesia is helpful in some cases]

[Pug]

What a **** up i am. The depression has been overwhellming. This morning i binged on 2 loaves of bread and a package of fat free cream cheese. I am going to an OA meeting tonight and i a quite scared. It is taking place at my treatment center, so i don't know if there is going to be anyone there that i know, but i have gained a good 40 pounds since i have gone to one of those meetings, i feel like a failure and a disapointment to my family and friends.

[Pug]

Monday was good up until the night time and i ate all the bread in the house plus some leftover pizza and cereal, and i picked up real sugar. ARG! TOday has been good so far. Went to the gym and also did my toning cord.

[Pug]

Been binging like crazy. Last night was the worst. i went to the store around 10:30 and bought 7 donots and pastries for a dollar. Then woke up around 4:30 and went to walmart and bought 4 pounds of chocolate covered rasins, bridge mix and peanuts and i pretty much ate all of it. EEWWWE. I can't do this to myself anymore.I am eating fruits and veges again. Tonight i stopped when i was full, not overly stuffed.

[BCrazy]

Originally Posted by Pug

Been binging like crazy. Last night was the worst. i went to the store around 10:30 and bought 7 donots and pastries for a dollar. Then woke up around 4:30 and went to walmart and bought 4 pounds of chocolate covered rasins, bridge mix and peanuts and i pretty much ate all of it. EEWWWE. I can't do this to myself anymore.I am eating fruits and veges again. Tonight i stopped when i was full, not overly stuffed.

How did you do today? You can do this.

[sexyfatchick]

Hi Pug,

I just read your journal and thought I'd pop in, say hello and see how you're doing.


SFC

[Pug]

Well, this whole weekend i almost could eat nothing. i was so sick from all the chocolate that i had the hershey squirts at work and everytime i moved i thought i was going to throw up or **** my pants. ate some fruit this morning. tonight i ate a ton of chicken and brocoli. Over did the chicken, but i must say, at least it wasn't flour or sugar.

[Pug]

My dad is such an ass hole. I am having hard times during the night, it is called night eating syndrome. i said to him maybe we could put a lock on the fridge. then he said maybe i just shouldn't eat. fine with me. I liked being 90 pounds.

[Pug]

Haven't posted for a while, but i need to. I can't belive how horrible things have gotten. Binging all the time, it never stops. I feel so sick and fat. My mom and dad are so disapointed in me. People at work keep asking me if i am pregnet and other things i rather not have to awnser. Please, dear GOd, help me.

[Pug]

So, it has been a long time since i have been here. I weigh much more than i did last time i was here, due to all the binging i did. I got off of all the antidepressants that were making me more hungry and depressed. I feel much better, now i just have to take care of this weight situation. I am around 185-180 pounds now, last time i was here i was 135, i would give anything to be that again.
I am currently doing the fat fast, working on my portion sizes and the way i see food and use it.

[Pug]

I haven't been here since i weighted 135, wow. Now i weigh 185 and i am doing much better. I had a long binging episode. I am really embarassed about all of it, but i am getting back into the gym and currently doing the fat fast. I am much happier since i got off all the pills the doctor had me on. It feels good and sad to be back. I would give anything to go back in time.

[LindaCat]

Welcome back and good luck Pug, I have also (I hope) just gotten control of my bingeing.

[Pug]

Thanks Linda

I guess awareness of our eating habits and what triggers them is the best way to fight them

[LindaCat]

I quit smoking thats what triggered the bingeing for me I could not figure out how to stop eating without lighting up. So I traded my smoking habit for an eating habit. Food is way harder to control than cigarettes. You'll do great!!

[Pug]

Off to the gym i go . . . . . Hi ho hi ho

[Pug]

So, workout today was 35 min of eliptical trainer, 10 minutes of stair climber, 20 min walk, and a Denise Austin workout (about 20 minutes) Now i feel great. I little bit of a head ache. But i feel good because i worked out.

[Pug]

So i did some calculations out of my Women's Health magazine and here are my stats for right now:

My Vitals

a) My weight in pounds = 185
b) Multiply A by 11 to get your caloric needs (how much your body burns by existing) = 185 x 11 = 2035
c) Multiply B by 1.6 to estimate your resting metabolic rate (rate of calorie burn when you factor in your daily activities) 2035 x 1.6 = 3256

My Exercise

d) Aerobic Training - Multiply the number of minutes per week that you run, cycle, or play sports by 8 = (i usually exercise about 3 days a week. 1 hour each workout) 180(minutes) x 8 = 1440
e) Strength Training - If you are doing two sets of the exercise plan (plan consists of the following exercises- walking lunge with medicine ball twist, dumbbell pullover, step up, dumbbell row with single leg, supine hip extension, lunge with overhead press, swiss ball crunch, prone knee drives, and incline dumbbell bench press) add 600 to your answer from D =
If you are doing three sets, add 840 to your answer from d =
f) Divide that by 7 =

My calorie needs

g) Add C to F to get your daily caloric needs = 3441
h) If your happy with your weight stop here, if not subtract 500 from G, and u will loose 1 pound per week, subtract 1000 from G and u will loose 2 pounds per week


My Overall Body Fat

A) First determine your body mass index.
A 23 year old woman who is 185 pounds and 5' 3" (63 inches)
Multiply your height in inches by your height in inches.
63 x 63 = 3969
Divide your weight by that number
185/3969 = 0.047
Multiply that by 703 to find your BMI
0.047 x 703 = 33

Your BMI =33

B) Determine your body fat percentage.
Multiply your BMI by 1.20
33 x 1.20 = 39.6
Then multiply your age by .23
23 x .23 = 5.29
Add those 2 numbers together
39.6 + 5.29 = 44.89
Subtract 5.4 from that number to find your body fat percentage
44.89 - 5.4 = 39.49% fat
C) Use the chart to determine how far over the goal you are. (the first # is your body fat percentage and the second number is how far over the goal your are)

Your body Fat / Percentage over goal
Body fat 22% = 4 % over goal
Body fat 23% = 7% over goal
Body fat 24% = 11% over goal
Body fat 25% = 14% over goal
Body fat 26% = 18 % over goal
Body fat 27% = 21% over goal
Body fat 28% = 25% over goal
Body fat 29% = 29% over goal
Body fat 30% = 32% over goal
Body fat 31% = 36% over goal
Body fat 32% = 39% over goal
Body fat 33% = 43% over goal
Body fat 34% = 46% over goal
Body fat 35% = 50% over goal
Body fat 36% = 54% over goal
Body fat 37% = 57% over goal
Body fat 38% = 61% over goal
Body fat 39% = 64% over goal
Body fat 40% = 68% over goal
Body fat 41% = 71% over goal
Body fat 42% = 75% over goal
Body fat 43% = 79% over goal
Body fat 44% = 82% over goal

D) Translate you body fat percentage into how much sheer fat you are carrying around by multiplying your body fat bu your current weight.
185 x 39.49% = about 73 pounds of fat

E) Finally, multiply your percentage over goal from C by your total body fat in answer D. That is how many pounds of fat you should seek to loose
73 x 68% = 49.64 pounds

[Pug]

So, i ended up eating in the middle of the night. It was low carb and meat and egg, plus some mayo. I think i might go back to fat fast tomorrow. It couldn't hurt. I feel like i was doing good. 2 hole days of fat fast is pretty hard for someone like myself. i am actually proud i did that. i should do what they say to do when i was in the program at the eating disorder clinic. which was to not ignore that it happened, but to acknowledge it, learn from it, and move onto the next meal as though nothing happened. TO not give my mistakes too much power over my choices down the road. I am thankful that the choices i did make were low carb and healthy. Thank you god for this learning experience.

[Pug]

So i am still awake and i have been thinking. I am definatly going to stick it out for this fat fast again.

Reason #1 = weight loss
Reason #2 = sanity with food
Reason #3 = awareness of feelings
Reason #4 = save mad amounts of money on food
Reason #5 = more money for bills and fun stuff

[Pug]

Went to the gym this morning. I feel a bit tired. I did 40 min of elliptical, 10 min stair climber and a 10 minute cool down on the treadmill. I want to start incorporating some toning, but this morning i think i am going to lay back down till i got to get ready for work. I am breaking out baddddd!!!! it is so embarrassing. I tried to shave, down town, and then tom showed up, not i have a constellation, gross. it is getting worse when i work out. I hate it.

[Pug]

Okay, so this morning and afternoon went good, then i decided to go to the store. I got some things for my fat fast, including, cream cheese and mac. nuts. BIG MISTAKE. I wasn't strong. I ate them. AAAAAHHHHRRRRGGG!! I am not going to give up. TOmorrow is a new day. The scale said 178 this morning.

[Pug]

I am having such a hard time right now. Getting really discouraged and disappointed in my self. Today was good until i got home. i messed up royally. I don't know what to do anymore. I want so bad to do this and i keep messing up. One thing that i learned from the program, is to keep trying, if u mess up one meal, start back again at the next. It is so discouraging.