Life's too short not to express yourself

[BeepBeep]

Hi Everyone,

Welcome to my online journal! I have been hanging out on this board a while and I have noticed that i love to spew my feelings and thoughts so much that I might as well just start a journal!

My plan is to eat low to no bad carbs and a moderate amount of healthy carbs. I am pretty good with this usually but lately things have been tough for me since I'm going through a lot emotionally...

Day 1:
I'm going back to work today. My vacation is over. I wish I could say we did more with our time, but right now that's been a problem. It was nice visiting friends and family and going camping, but only having a week off for my summer I really wish we went far away. So basically that's a problem because my man is not really one to do a variety of trips unless I push him. He's always talking about money and how he can't afford it but the reality is that everyone under the sun that I know who's on student loans doesn't live like a hermet the way he does. My feelings about our relationship have been really down lately. I've had exposure to different people and their lifestyles and I think I've come to realize that we have a lifestyle difference. I love to be buzy and gone. He's home playing video games all day and making money off of Ebay. If you've ever seen "The Breakup" that movie is ABOUT US. In fact, my friends (and coach too!) told me to see it. So basically, it's a frightening experience to reconsider a relationship where you're engaged and cohabitating. We've been cohabitating for coming on 5 years now... to change things at my age... ugh... the whole thing is a mess. Joining the running club and seeing like 80 people get up for a 6:30am start time run on a Saturday morning really impressed me. My man doesn't get up until 10am usually. I dunno... sorry to unload but that's what I'm dealing with and I know that until I straighten out my feelings my eating is going to continue to go haywire.

Any suggestions for not taking my emotions to the dinner plate?

okay enough babbling... sorry newcomers. i am like this so you have been WARNED!! i love to spill my guts out and blab...

[BeepBeep]

Back from my run.

It was a hilly 6 miler. The goal was to be comfortable. For me, comfortable is relative because I'm used to working so hard. In fact, I've been running a tad too hard in spurts during my recovery runs so the goal now is to keep my pacing consistent. I noticed today that consistency has really helped me a lot!

My pace for the very very hilly 6 miles was 9:48. For a recovery run, this is a nice pace for me. My average heart rate was 144 and there were only a couple of times where I hit 153. Two days a week I'll be trying to do 20 minute spurts held at a heart rate of 163. That will probably not feel too comfortable, although I am sure that my speed will provide me with an adequate ego boost!!!

Here's my chart that I'm going to be using for my marathon training:


Target Zone Exercise

The most effective way to reach your fitness goal is to exercise in your target heart rate zone. There is a target zone that's right for each day's workout. For example, if you want to improve aerobic fitness you need to be working at 70-80% of your maxHR, for 40-60 minutes per day, 3 to 4 times per week. Without this information, you would get on a treadmill and not know how hard or how long you should be exercising. In most cases you may be going too easy or too hard. There are 3 key target zones that help you achieve specific goals.

60-70% Lose Weight or Recover
70-80% Improve Aerobic Fitness
80+ % Increase Athletic Performance

To calculate your 3 key target zones, we use a formula that factors in your morning resting heart rate (MRHR). This will help personalize the numbers not only for your age, but also your fitness level.

Morning Resting Heart Rate (MRHR)
Use your Polar heart rate monitor to take your heart rate for three mornings in a row before getting up from bed. Take the average of those numbers:

Morning 1# + Morning 2# + Morning 3# = (X)
(X) Divided by 3 = Morning Resting HR (MRHR)



Your Age: 29

MRHR: 52

Estimated MaxHR: 191 bmp

60-70% of MaxHR: 135 bpm - 149 bpm

70-80% of MaxHR: 149 bpm - 163 bpm

80+% of MaxHR: 163 bpm - 191 bpm

[BeepBeep]

I guess I went too fast up those hills because my heart rate should have been around 130's. It was about 140-138 when I was on the flats. I am thinking that my recovery runs will probably be done on the treadmill from now on where the surface is flatter and the terrain is softer. From there I can get an accurate read of what my pace should be when my heart rate is around 133-138.

okay, gotta jump in the shower!

[BeepBeep]

oh my GOSH i feel like binging soooo badly. what the heck is going on with me? i feel like feeding my soul with comfort food. I am up to 126 pounds now... if you see my profile that's what I was weighing not too long ago. I just need to get my weight DOWN and not go the other way, but honestly, chocolate sounds SOOOOOOO good right now. My man made brownies and there are a bunch that are frozen in the fridge right now. Man do they taste AMAZING when they are frozen! I guess I'll just ignore the cravings. I think I need to get myself back to my crazy schedule again. If I am at home too long I think it's just gonna make me eat toooooo much. Yup that's it! I found out the problem: at home too much lately since my vacation. So basically that means I'm going to start working a lot again. Skinnier with more money? That was never a problem for anyone last time I heard!!!

[Tate]

Hey chica!! It's meeeeeee!!
\
I have a ?---if you guys have been living together for 5 years, why haven't you gotten married (I know--I am soooo nosy!!)?

[BeepBeep]

Chica!!! Yay a vistor-- and it's my favorite person!


No way not too nosey at all! Because it's my parents. My father doesn't want me to have any financial burden above and beyond the average so he said that he will not allow me to marry until I can start making GOOD money and until my man can make GOOD money. He doesn't want us to start the relationship off in student debts. Very traditional, but sensible. Looking at it now, I think waiting was wise because I am a lot more immature than I realized!

Are your eats still clean?

I went out and about tonight. I can't believe how ravenously hungry I was earlier today. A HUGE amount of lean ground turkey in my "lc taco" was perfect. I think I just needed the protein since my lunch was a salad.

The idea of dessert sounds filling but I MUST have it every night... I'll probably just have two bites of my LC treat...

Hey Tate, this is a place you and I can just talk about whatever! That whole concept sounds so cool to me. I dunno why, but it does!

Let me know how you're doing... how's the class? Thrilling?

[Tate]

Class is ok. I got a call from my hub yesterday that my oldest son Tad (who is a high functining autistic) did terribly at his first days of day camp. He is 12 and is uaully sweet, but he was chasing kids, trying to grab them, trying to lick them(???)---just nutty behavior. They are moving him to a special needs group and I am praying that does the trick b/c if it doesn't, they will have to kick him out and I do not know what I wil do with him all summer---I HAVE to work.

SChool is fine--they just keep pounding into us how much work this degree and diss. will be and so I feel less and less encouraged and more and more like I have made a huge mistake by even trying to do this. I know I will do it---it is just how I feel right now. It is only Wed. and I am so exhausted. We are in class allday, then the library after for more work---I am wiped.

In good news, I am still eating clean!!!! I was so hungry when I got back to my hotel last night, but too tired to go out, so I ate some packaged salmon that I brought with me (yeah!).

I do not know why you were craving fat from eating fat---that does not happen to me---if I leave the skin on my chicken and fry my eggs in butter, and the like, I feel satisfied and don't chase down the junkfood. Weird how everyone is different. I am kind of doing Kimkins right now (watching fat, but not lowfat)---some of those people are BIZARRE---they are actually proud of themselves for only eating 400 cals a day ----just goofy. I will NEVER go under 1200 unless I am sick or something---most days right now I am at AT LEAST 1600-1800.

Ok---I gotta go---I have to get in the shower and get rolling here.

[BeepBeep]

Tate,

My gosh your life is crazy... whew! Just reading about your post makes me sweat here! No wonder you run, you have a lot to release out of your system.

I am sorry to hear about your son at camp. I will pray for you that he doesn't get himself into some bad business and have to come home... That's TOO weird that you're going through your dissertation doubts. I am having the same. Classes are easy, I totally can click with that. My master's thesis data analysis is such a freaking BEAR and a depressing piece of crap because nothing works and it's all a mess. It's no one's fault but my own too! Bah. whatever. I wish I could give you advice on whether or not to keep plugging away at it... I think it's definitely in your best interest to keep going though 'cause the money is definitely there... you know!

So I totally binged last night on Pringles, a brownie, and crackers. I woke up this morning and my stomach is still SO full. YUCK! I really don't want to play this game to see how fat I can make myself. I did that once in the past and my weight just kept going up.

I think I'm seriously bothered by my own feelings. The problem is I'm start to obsess about him, so that makes it even worse. I'm totally the obsessor type too. I was thinking of getting myself into another road race just to take my mind off of things but I have a road race on July 4th already so that would be pretty stupid. I am waiting for the time to come when I say "enough is enough!!" It's weird because I went through this at the EXACT same time last summer. I think it has to do with the fact that I'm adjusting to not really having time off for the summer. One quarter ends, the next begins in less than a week. So I pretty much feel like no break and when I am on my break I just eat and eat...

So the goal today is to dig deep to find my willpower again and to stick to a good healthy diet as long as possible. My goal now is to stay on a strict healthy eating diet until 4th of July because I am going to be at the pool and basically I will be surrounded by a bunch of men and women. I have my work cut out for me!!!!

Maybe I'll go bathing suit shopping soon and that will motivate me. I think the only way to lose this weight is to do Atkins. I just can't lose quickly any other way. Besides if I allow myself carbs, I'll give in TOO much and before you know it I'm pulling something like I did last night. Grrrr.

okay enough blabbing.

[BeepBeep]

Note to self!!!!

TODAY MARKS DAY 1 of my low-fat induction!

I'm going to be doing induction from 6/21/06 until 7/02/06

It seems like forever since I've done one.
This will be a 12 day induction plan!
After this I am going to be eating more carbs since I am going to be racing on 4th of July...
I have run on induction before, so it will just be a trick of knowing how to do this the best way.

My goal is to keep my carbs under 40 grams per day.
This is pretty do-able for me. This upper limit basically precludes me from eating CARBY BAD junk at night.

[tracelin]

Oh, Jenae, Jenae, Jenae, Jenae.........................

I wondered if there was something brewing with you and your trainer. I guess I just picked up a vibe here and there when you were posting. Alrighty, here I go: this is not necessarily a bad thing, I hope you realize. You are NOT married. You are good with CHANGE, too! Look at how much change has gone on in your life in just 2006? All your running & training, for example. With your relationship with your man, let's face it: you are getting a glimpse of what the real deal will be like since you are living together. If you have doubts, then you should address them. You have valid points for being disillusioned with the rel'p. ( I had a friend once who made a pro/con list about her rel'p. It was very helpful, believe it or not. ) I do think you are wise to be seeing the issues now before it's too late, though. You are simply evaluating what you want in a life partner.

Does your trainer feel the same towards you?

[BeepBeep]

Tracey--Thank you for your most heart felt response. I am ashamed of my feelings and I detest them. In fact somehow I am tormented by it because I know it's not right. Then I get all kinds of pissy with my finacee so it's a mess. I know I know... I'm going to give this thing a SHOT though! No the guy doesn't feel the same way AT ALL. I think he's gay? I'm not sure. Something like asexual though. He's all work no play. Trust me. He's the most serious and professional person. That's why I'm going batty trying to figure out why I'm having these feelings anyhow. It's frustrating. I also feel totally confused. Right now my goal is to lose the inch of blubber I've gained on my belly as of late and to focus on training and most of all to try to re-ignite the relationship I have with my man. We both deserve for this relationship to WORK!

I told my trainer about my eating plan... he goes "we'll see if you have any kind of energy."

Too bad. I've got ROLLS and it's amazing how quickly they have appeared. Give me a few bags of junk food and 4 or so days of pretty intense junk eating and I gain like 3 pounds!

Today I decided I'm disgusted with myself and food isn't worth it. I think that last brownie made me happy. I am having TOM though because after our run today my boobs hurt SO bad. That's when you know TOM is coming around the corner! That's good though because then I'll get bloated and that will make me feel even worse, then TOM and my induction will end at the same time and I'll have one giant woosh, just in time to look good in my racing weight!!!

I decided that before my tempo runs I am going to have carbs in the form of low glycemic fruit--a peach. I only has 35 cals so I'm not sweating it too much.

Today we did a tempo (kinda) we did 2 miles at 9 min pace, then rest and then 2.5 miles at an 8 flat pace. The 8 min pace was fun. Felt like I was flying... I can't wait to get faster! My heart rate was 165 when we were running the 8 min pace so I should see what that corresponds to on my chart.

I decided that I'm going to start work at 10:30am now. 10am is too rushed. I'll also stay at work later and that will keep me away from the pantry and the freezer!

I'll be back for more tonight!

[BeepBeep]

Turns out my 8 min pace is where I should be. Yay! I was told that 80% and upward is a tempo. For elites 90% of max is a tempo. Um... how about NO for me?! 90% of max is sooooo painful for me. But I am learning to get comfy with 80%. I just get tired after 2 miles. But I guess that's why we train! So an 8 min mile pace after 2 miles of a 9 min pace is 85% of my max heart rate for me.

So far it looks like this:
9 min miles on flat= 150ish (80%)
8 min miles=163-165 (85%)
7 min miles= probably 90% which corresponds with my race pace for the 5k.

I'm just going to keep building my base and training my heart on tempo days and hopefully the pace will naturally go down!!! Ideally I want a marathon pace of 8 flat so that means I want to get my 8 min pace to feel more like my 9 min pace... Wow a whole minute... Well anyhow I am doing better than I used to! My recovery runs are in the 9 minute range and they used to be at 10:30!

Tomorrow is a 6 miler at 150 or below. I'm going to try to aim for 145 ish... That way I'm working but not sleeping!

okay NOW I gotta go!

[tracelin]

Jenae, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... gay eh? Interesting.

I'm wondering if you've idealized this " possible relationship" with this guy, or someone like him. You know, the idea of him is what's so attractive to you. And maybe it's because he's there in part of a world of yours that is such a priority to you lately.

I'm just thinkin' out loud. Of course, it's easier to solve others folks problems instead of your own! LOL Just tell me when you have room on your couch adn I'll load you up with mine to solve!

[BeepBeep]

I just got home now... long day. Yay! Instant food restriction. I was soooo good and now I'm determined to stay that way. Unfortunately I am working from home on Thursdays and Fridays. So I have decided that I will be going to the local library to do my work... NOT working from home because I just eat too many calories here.

I'm going to log everything in Fit Day as for what I am eating today and see how it measures out:

Calories Eaten Today
grams cals %total
Total: 1156
Fat: 45 405 40%
Sat: 10 86 8%
Poly: 2 19 2%
Mono: 2 22 2%
Carbs: 63 169 16%
Fiber: 21 0 0%
Protein: 107 429 42%
Alcohol: 3 21 2%

Hmmm I think I should add something. Maybe a glass of Red Wine each night to mellow me out? I am one who nets fiber so 63-21= 41 grams of carbs... that's perfect for now I guess.

My cals are low but I can't think of what to do... I was going to add peanuts at night but that may not be a good idea for right now.

[BeepBeep]

Tracey--Your analysis is just perfect. It IS about that--the crux of the OTHER life that I so love. But you know that as a coach he focuses 100% of his energy on me. Everything from the way I hold my hands when I run, to how I breathe, to what I look like, to my focus, to my pacing... he is so detailed with me. I feel spoiled but I am paying for it so there isn't magic to it, its just... there... just enough to confuse my soul with torture. I don't even find him attractive! I just like the earnest attention. But then I know I'm paying for it! So explain this to me...

But what it's also about is the somewhat romantic nature of going on trail runs. I wish my man could go... we used to hike together but now he won't even think of going on a hike with me knowing my level of fitness. I think I do want a fitness companion. I'm going to start running with the club on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I'm already going on Saturdays so it's a nice way to be around people who arent' HIM. You know? It was REALLY rough there for a while so... yeah.

I found it weird that he shaved his face after I told him he;d look nice w/out facial hair. When I mentioned it he brushed it off. I thought that was interesting. Whatever. It's a game I'm not even playing! It just pisses me off and I wind up MAD MAD MAD at myself for even thinking it then madder when I get slapped in the face with reality!

I am just scared that if this thread ever got opened... you know that'd be the death of my current rel'p. But at some point you HAVE to vent and you can't hold things in. All of my best friends know because I am just a trainwreck inside about it. But even then it doesn't help because I just obsess about it. You could say get a life, truth is, my life is pretty full! Not like I don't work or anything... Just weirdness.......

So my goal is to focus on losing weight, looking HOT and just staying serious about running. My renewed love for my heart rate montior is doing a good job at distracting me. I always think I am pushing too hard and that I'll just die if I go any harder, but my heart rate montior has shown me that I can push hard!

85% of max feels rough but not that rough. I can see why they say a tempo IS your current 10k pace. My fastest 10k pace is 8:09 so... I owe it to myself to get out there and hit a 7:58 10k pace! Wouldn't that be the best!
Ahhhhh.

I also keep dreaming about a 3:47 marathon. I think that is a HIGH goal but something I probably can reach. In about a month I'll be running 60 miles a week. I find that to be exciting, oddly. Damn if anyone even KNEW this was me online... my whole life displayed here... it's kind of scarey. The computer freaks me out in that way. You know?

Ahhh journaling was the best idea for me... I think that's all I ever needed here. To meet awesome people and to just VENT.

I'll be back more later around my snacky low will-power time.

My coach told me today when I told him about my brownie cravings and being an emotional wreck (he knows why TOO!) he said "10% of life's stress is the event itself; 90% is how you react."

damn it he's brillant

!

if that's not motivation enough... pshhhh i don't know what is.

[tracelin]

What do you mean your coach knows WHY you are an emotional wreck?!?!??! Have you TOLD him how you feel about him? oMG~ tell me! I'm on the edge of my seat here!!!!!!

[BeepBeep]

Yes I did.

I should PM the whole story to you!

[BeepBeep]

boy does dieting suck when you're trying to be an athelete... hmmmmm

wow i feel so vain focusing on my body like this. i normally just focus on being healthy. this whole SKINNY thing hasn't crossed my mind in this way in a looong time. but i feel nasty so...

here's some pics of bikinis i'd buy...

[BeepBeep]

Good morning journal... and handful of visitors...

I FREAKING MADE IT THROUGH A NIGHT!

wow.

wow! I did it. I think I needed to know this for myself. That I CAN go through a whole day without junk food. Once my junk food is gone, oh and the carbs too, it's just sooo easy to eat low-calories. I gotta plan my meals today-- like RIGHT NOW-- so I don't screw myself.

I need to make an egg white omlette because I feel a tad hungry.

At lunch I am going to have a low carb wrap with turkey meat and sauteed veggies. The hardest part for me will be NOT having that piece of chocolate after lunch. But it's really gotten to that point where if I don't have the chocolate you may as well shoot me. BUT I did it yesterday so I'm going to DO IT again!

Here are my planned eats:
1. 1/2 cup of egg whites with cinnamon and splenda
2. 1-2 pieces of extra lean sausage(recovery meal)
3. 5 pieces of sliced turkey, a cup of red peppers, 1/2 cup fat free cheese, lettuce, and a little avocado, 1 l.c. tortilla
4. 1/2 a low calorie low carb protein bar
5. 8 oz of barbequed meat
6. salad with peppers, onions and mushrooms
7. 1 cup of low carb ice cream (yup this is where my only carbs come from)
8. 1/4 cup of all-bran cereal

Calories Eaten Today
grams cals %total
Total: 1227
Fat: 46 414 37%
Sat: 14 126 11%
Poly: 9 81 7%
Mono: 14 129 12%
Carbs: 61 177 16%
Fiber: 16 0 0%
Protein: 123 492 44%
Alcohol: 5 32 3%

So my net carbs for today will be a bit higher I guess? I have it as 45 grams. I'd like to get it lower, but that would mean cutting my ice cream down (which I should do) or cutting my veggies down. I can't live without my ice cream!

Tomorrow I am going to have to go off plan and have a banana/strawberry or a banana peach with sugar free vanilla yogurt mixture. It will be to fuel my workout with my ...trainer...

zzz time to make breakfast!

[d_samy2003]

Hello Jen.,

It is me Dhalia the one running in jeans

Thank God you started a journal. I lurk a lot in the running thread but don’t post b/c I only have access to the internet from work

I like your posts b/c they are full of good infos. Unfortunately, we lack such infos in our country b/c the number of people who exercise regularly is next to zero and I have been looking for a good magazine or even books that speak about the matter and the things I find are very much superficial

BTW, I read about resting heart rate on one of the sites and it was just today when I read your post that I knew I had to measure it before I wake up not in the middle of the day. Moreover, I jog very slowly and was frustrated about it. When I manually measured my heart rate it was 144 and based on your post my heart should be lower which means I must go slower. Believe it or not, lower than my current pace will be slower than a turtle

Anyhow, I am glad I know little English to be able to surf the net and know what is going on out there in the big wide world. BTW, the more you speak about yourself, the more I think we resemble each other. I did not mean the face. I will get back to your later b/c my boss is almost here

[BeepBeep]

Dhalia--You're awesome! I'm so glad you got something out of my posts. I actually do post a lot about my whole journey in fitness so that others can see how I progress and what mistakes I make... etc.

You should invest in a Heart Rate monitor from POLAR.
They have a website: www.polarelectro.com

From the site you can link to an international site for a webpage that is in your country.

Let me say that 144 may be high or low depending on your level of fitness. For example, if your resting heart rate is higher than mine, that would affect the formula. So, if you just started running, you may not be as cardiovascularly fit as I am (not to criticize, just giving an example). So say you've just started running, right? Your resting heart rate may be more like 62 beats per minute. To do the RESTING you need to wake up and relax in bed wearing the monitor for 5 min straight. Do this test on 3 days in a row then average the heart rates.

Okay so let's plug in a different resting heart rate and see what happens...
Let's say you're 33 years old and your resting is 62 not 52...

Watch the ranges here:

Your Age: 33

MRHR: 62

Estimated MaxHR: 187 bmp

60-70% of MaxHR: 137 bpm - 150 bpm

70-80% of MaxHR: 150 bpm - 162 bpm

80+% of MaxHR: 162 bpm - 187 bpm

okay now let's say you're conditioned... and your resting heart rate is now 52


Estimated MaxHR: 187 bmp

60-70% of MaxHR: 133 bpm - 146 bpm

70-80% of MaxHR: 146 bpm - 160 bpm

80+% of MaxHR: 160 bpm - 187 bpm


what happens is that your morning heart rate will determine the upper limit of your exercise intensity. so for you 144 may actually be where you need to be-- exactly where you need to be, if your resting is, say 62. but if your resting is 52, then you are pushing too hard.

BUT 3-4 times per week you should hit Zone 2 70-80% of max because this will push your level of fitness and make you stronger.

Thanks for enjoying my posts. I sure do talk a lot online, but I also type unbelievably fast! It was sooo necessary for me to do this journal because I think so much...more than I should probably!!!

[BeepBeep]

new food invention!!!

I made a low-carb high protein chocolate souflee this morning. I ran out of egg whites... I can't say that it's filling so I probalby should have done the whole package of protein powder... oh well.

I'm going to do the analysis right now.

the cals are about 100, carbs are 3, protein is 18 grams!!!

Thank God you started a journal.

are you saying I'm annoying on the running thread?
not that that would be possible or anything!!!

[tracelin]

Where's my friggin' PM??!?!?!?!?!? You are KILLING me here!!!

[BeepBeep]

tracey I swear I'll write you more but you see, I need to be in a place when he's not here. He's ALWAYS home so... that's not gonna work.

Bad news... and good news. Good news first:

5 miles at a 9:36 pace and my average heart rate was... 146. This is perfect for the easy run-- a 78% effort.

Bad news:
I did something stupid. I walked a mile to the track to see what my pace would be if I ran a mile with my heart rate below 150. Well, any physiology person will tell you not to do this test after you've already run 5 miles in heat and are needing to PEE and are covered with sweat. It was too hard to keep my heart rate below 150 and I wound up averaging 152 (the track gives me flashbacks that make me nervous apparently!). Anyhow my pace was 9:11... Totally different than when I did that 2 miler but that goes to show you that heart rate totally depends on nutrition, sleep, rest, etc... on a good day my heart rate is 145 with an 8:50 pace, on another day it's 152 at a 9:11 pace. CRAZY!

Honestly though, my body "likes" to run at about 80% of max which is 152. It's hard for me because I chill at around 145-146 at a 9:30 pace, and then if I push a little it goes to about 152. According to Daniel's formula I can run my easy runs at about 79% of max HR... so that would leave me with the ability to run at 151. So I guess my results on the track weren't bad.