Colo Alex - Finding 'me' Journey

[Colo Alex]

Hi Monet. I can always count on you for a boost. Thanks.

[Colo Alex]

December 12, 2007

Wednesday. I’ve had two good days in a row. The excess baggage is coming off pretty well. I knew it would if I would just stay on plan. I had another snowy hike today. It’s funny…. There is no one on the trail when it is 105 in July or 15 and Snowy in December. It is nice to have the trail to myself. It is quiet and peaceful. A little cold but nice.

My attitude seems to be improving. Eating has been very clean. Tonight is a test. We have our company Christmas Dinner. The restaurant has lots of low carb options so if I am good I should be just fine. I’m thinking some sort of seafood.

My wife said she would go snowshoeing with me on Saturday. Cool. It will be fun. I’ve got to go to REI so I can rent some shoes. If we really like it then maybe we will buy some.

Things are looking good.
Started Atkins September 2003: Weight: 297
Fell off sometime in August 2004
Restarted a few times since January 2006
Current Weight: 206.2
Goal weight: 185

[monet0329]

LOve to see your good mood..

Hope you had fun at the office party.. .. ours was Tuesday.. and we had a great time .. good food.. good conversation and dh and I got greta bonus'.. what more can one ask for.. I love our boss'..

enjoy your quiet hikes..

and have fun snowshoeing is it?.. I have never been myself.. BE CAREFUL!!..

later tater

[Colo Alex]

January 2, 2008

Starting over yet again. Pathetic. Idiot! Moron! Quitter! Weak! Excuse monger! Jerk! Ok, lets get all of the ugliness of the past two months out of my system. No sense dwelling on the negative, but I feel I need to journal what happened.

A little voice in the back of my head kept saying that a little cheat here and there would not hurt anything. I could always lose anything I gained. The little cheats became total, off plan eating. Bingeing, gorging, stuffing. Bad foods horrible quantities etc. I ate and ate and ate. Thankfully the New Year has arrived and for whatever bogus reason, I am ready to stop this self-destroying way of eating and to get back on track. I’m up 10 pounds since my last post in December and 20 pounds from my lowest of 195. I am ashamed and embarrassed.

I’ve used depression, and frustration as excuses to eat. This has got to stop. “I deserve this” is not a reason to binge on junk food. I deserve to be healthy!!! Well, here I go again.

2007 was a good year for me. I hit some big milestones. I passed 100 total pounds lost. I made it into the 190’s. I climbed a 14er. I accomplished a lot. I stayed on plan longer than I ever have in the past. I just gave up at the end.

I’m apologizing to myself for this behavior and I’m ready to move on. I don’t think I will ever figure it out, but I’m still willing to fight.

I am a food addict. It is even more apparent now than ever. It just proves to me that I can never return to eating junk food. I will always binge and overdo it. I just simply have to stay away from it. I don’t think alcoholics can drink just a little, I am the same with junk food.

After my physical in September I got down to my lowest ever at 195. The cholesterol levels were elevated and I changed my eating somewhat to try and “fix” it. Well, I ate leaner meats, and more “healthier” carbs. I don’t think this was the main reason for my late failure, but I think it contributed.

I have decided to go back to low carb as my main diet and to go onto induction levels for two weeks. I need to purge my system of all this crap. I will not worry about the cholesterol for now. I’m not convinced that it was too high anyway.
January 1, 2007 I was 241. Today I’m 220. All things considered it was a pretty good year, health wise. I have learned a lot and I continue to learn. I still hope that one day I’ll just eat; and not have to worry about what I eat or if I’ll eat too much.

It’s time to get back on the wagon and to stay on even longer this time. My size 34 pants are tight and uncomfortable. Enough already. It is time.

Started Atkins September 2003: Weight: 297
Fell off sometime in August 2004
Restarted a few times since January 2006
Current Weight: 220.6
Goal weight: 185

[renogeorge]

Hi Alex!

Thanks for sharing your journal with us. I can see you are facing difficulty from time to time. It's going to be okay. So you slipped up a bit. That's not a mortal sin. Sometimes we have to think about things and see what is important to us. On occasion, we lose track of what we want. Shake it off and decide to be happy. Continue to do this journal and remain focused on what you are trying to accomplish. I want to thank you for sharing your experiences. One day at a time. You can accomplish that for sure. I wish you well and I will continue to read your journal.

George

[Colo Alex]

Originally Posted by renogeorge

Hi Alex!

Thanks for sharing your journal with us. I can see you are facing difficulty from time to time. It's going to be okay. So you slipped up a bit. That's not a mortal sin. Sometimes we have to think about things and see what is important to us. On occasion, we lose track of what we want. Shake it off and decide to be happy. Continue to do this journal and remain focused on what you are trying to accomplish. I want to thank you for sharing your experiences. One day at a time. You can accomplish that for sure. I wish you well and I will continue to read your journal.

George

Thanks George! Journaling has really helped me. Sometimes a go back and read through it just to remind myself where I've been and how far I've come. It is always nice to hear from others so you are more than welcome to comment any time you like. Thanks again!

[Colo Alex]

January 3, 2008

Day 2. Yesterday went pretty well. I drank lots of water and hiked at lunch. It felt great to get back to the hiking. Food wise it went pretty well. I had an omelet for breakfast and a can of chicken for lunch. I was very hungry at dinner and ate too much. I stayed low carb but it was too much. I think my lunch was too small. Today I’ve added some cottage cheese and blueberries. I can’t enter the evening famished, so I’ve got to do better at lunch and try to get a snack around 4.

The water weight is coming off as I’m down 2 pounds today. This is the easy part as far as weight loss goes, but the hard part as far as cravings and hunger go. I’ve just got to stay focused.

I’ve got a big meeting on the 19th. It is my companies annual meeting. I will be giving a big presentation and I bought a new suit a couple of months ago for it. I put the suit on the other day and it is a little tight. So I need to drop as much as I can before the meeting. I don’t want to go in a tight suit. So I’ve got two weeks to get “better.”

Still angry that I got to this point, but glad that I’m back on track now. I’ll be hiking at lunch again today. It is cold but it is also nice and quiet; no one else around. The ground is snowy and frozen so at least there is no mud.

I’ll be glad when my clothes are fitting better. I hate the way they feel right now. It reminds me of when I was 300 pounds and it makes me mad.

Started Atkins September 2003: Weight: 297
Fell off sometime in August 2004
Restarted a few times since January 2006
Current Weight: 218.4
Goal weight: 185

[monet0329]

Hello my friend.. ..

Now your back.. and I am back.. so lets promise each other we are going to do this ok..

I know that you can do this.. so please stick around for me.... I SO need the motivation...

keep on hiking.. but be careful.. if its icy.. you could slip and fall and it might b a while before someone comes lookin.. so Be CAREFUL Mr././ !

check on you later

[TaDa!]

Hey Alex, Sounds like you're doing well! I know exactly what you mean about feeling like you've gained all the weight back. How great is it, that this is the sensation a few extra pounds now gives us! In the old days I'd've bought new clothes in the next size up til I maxed those out, and up and up!!

Like you, I have a little bit of a deadline, I have a concert in a few weeks (I sing with a choral group) and my concert outfit is going to be tight and look awful unless ... lol!!!! We'll do this and get back to where we should be! Taking one day at a time, ya know!! I'm jealous of your snowshoe trek today!!

Pauline

[monet0329]

Hey Mr... how goes it today?? I would have thought you posted since you came to visit me?? maybe you will later..

Hope you had a great day..

[Colo Alex]

Hey Pauline! Glad you checked in. I need the visits and comments to help me stay accountable. My jeans are starting to feel better. Still too tight, but I'll get there.

Monet - I DID have a great day. Saturday was a blast. You have always been there for me with encouragement. Thanks so much!

[Colo Alex]

January 7, 2008

Monday. I had a pretty good weekend. Saturday my wife and I went snowshoeing. The wind was blowing and it was snowing. It was tough going but we still got out there and slogged through the snow. It was really powdery in places and hard packed in others. We went about a mile on a trail until we couldn’t see where the trail went anymore. I didn’t want to get stuck out there in a blizzard so we turned around and came back to the car. So only two miles but it was at 10,000 feet and they were tough miles.

Eating over the weekend was pretty good. I did not binge and I stayed on-plan pretty well. I did eat too many legal foods. I’ve got to stay busier or get the heck out of the house. I’m down to 214 today so I am fairly happy. So five full days on plan and I’ve seen a 6-pound loss. It should be better than that, but it is in the right direction.

Today I’m feeling great. I feel rested over the weekend and ready for the week. It is amazing how good I feel when I’m eating right and exercising. I still can’t figure out why I stray from my plan. I know full well when I am “cheating” and the consequences that it brings, yet I still allow myself to do it.

There are a lot of things all entwined with the binging, overeating, or cheating. Frustration and anger seem to be the emotions that have the highest effect. Then I think that the act of “sneaking” food is a big contributor. I don’t tend to eat off-plan, or binge when my family is around or at work. I am accountable and in control. By myself, however is when I am at my weakest. That probably stems from my youth. When my Mom would put me on a diet, then I would have to sneak food. Then you can toss in boredom, apathy and many other reasons into the mix as well.

Even knowing the causes does not make it any easier to control. This is what is so frustrating for me. I am used to being in control, and when I can’t control a simple thing like what I put in my mouth then it really ticks me off. Then it can snowball and before I know it I am out of control.

So anyway, I am still learning and trying to solve the seemingly impossible riddle of why. I hope that one day I will figure it all out and just worry about “normal” things and not food.

Started Atkins September 2003: Weight: 297
Fell off sometime in August 2004
Restarted a few times since January 2006
Current Weight: 214.0
Goal weight: 185

[monet0329]

hey you.. Mr. in Control... good for you..

6 pounds is good.. .. it is hard when we spin outta control.. I know all about it.. at least you caught it before you gained everything back.. unlike myself.. .. but I am also in control now.. and all is good.. only thing we can do it take it one day at a time.. ya know..?

So.. lets do this one day at a time and if you get to feeling like your gonna cheat.. get on here and say something.. and I will too..deal?

and remember.. even if you "think" no ones watching.. I am watching.. hehe..

ok I need to get... KUTGW!!

[Colo Alex]

Originally Posted by monet0329

and remember.. even if you "think" no ones watching.. I am watching.. hehe..

Monet - glad you are watching!

[Colo Alex]

January 8, 2008

Tuesday. Yesterday was an amazing day. I ate completely on plan and got in a good hike at lunch. I did not cheat or over eat at any time. This during a day when I was aggravated and stressed out most of the day. This is a good sign!

My hike at lunch was tough. This is the same hike I do pretty much every day but the snow was particularly hard. It is about 4+ inches deep and sort of icy underneath so it is slower going than I’d like, but the workout is good.

A good drop on the scale today. I’m really starting to clear out the excess water, sodium, and other junk. Tomorrow will be one week and I feel like I’m back in the swing of things. My clothes are starting to feel better as well. All good signs. I just need to keep it up and I’ll be back where I was and heading towards goal.

Some days are as easy as others are hard. I wish I could bottle the easy ones for later use. I ran into a retired employee who hadn’t seen me in a while. He said I was looking skinny. Funny. I’m as fat as ever in my mirror. Gotta work on that.

Started Atkins September 2003: Weight: 297
Fell off sometime in August 2004
Restarted a few times since January 2006
Current Weight: 212.0
Goal weight: 185

[monet0329]

Hey Buuuddy...

yes.. you so need to work on that.. I don't want you being one of those skin and bones people who say.. " I am so fat".. .. your looking great face it.. !!!.. listen to me MR!!..

so good to hear yesterday was a keeper day.. and yes.. I agree.. we should be able to bottle those days up for later use..

you be careful in the snow.. I need ya around here ya know.. to keep me in order..

I hope today is just as good as yesterday.. later tater..

P.S... "somebodys watchin youuuu ".... hey you remember that song? "Private eyes?"..lol.. thats what I am singin now..

[TaDa!]

Hey Alex! If you figure out how to bottle the good days, let me know!!!

[Colo Alex]

January 9, 2008

Wednesday. I had a pretty good day yesterday. Stayed on plan, but dinner was a little salty and heavy. Hiking was good. More snow today so it should be a “fun” hike this afternoon.

It has been one week since I re-started, or re-committed, or re-focused, or re-whatever. I’ve lost 8 pounds of water, salt, and other junk. I know the losses won’t be this easy anymore and the pounds will really start to slow, but I am committed to the fight.

Started Atkins September 2003: Weight: 297
Fell off sometime in August 2004
Restarted a few times since January 2006
Current Weight: 212.0
Goal weight: 185

[TaDa!]

Wow! 8 pounds is incredible - takes me about 2 months to lose that much! lol! Congratulations!!! KUTGW!!!!!

[monet0329]

8 #'s.. pretty good.. water or not.. pretty good..

again.. be careful on those hikes !!

[Colo Alex]

Originally Posted by TaDa!

Wow! 8 pounds is incredible - takes me about 2 months to lose that much! lol! Congratulations!!! KUTGW!!!!!

It's not that incredible. The fact that I gaind as much as I did still bothers me. Oh well, moving on!

[Colo Alex]

Originally Posted by monet0329

8 #'s.. pretty good.. water or not.. pretty good..

again.. be careful on those hikes !!

Thanks, I still have a bunch to go.

[Colo Alex]

January 10, 2008

Thursday. Yesterday was good. We got another 4 inches of snow. I did not get my hike in as I became distracted. Well, sort of. I was driving to the trailhead and came across a stuck vehicle. Two ladies, two kids and two dogs in a mini-van. She was stuck trying to go up a hill. I asked if she needed help and she did. She had some tire chains so I spent the time getting them put on for her so she could get out of there. Yep, Mr. Good Samaritan, that’s me. Well, I didn’t get to hike but it was good to help her out. It’s not like that road gets a lot of traffic anyway, and the snow made it tough without 4wd.

Today I have meetings but I still hope to hike. It is cold right now (10) so I hope it warms up some before lunch. Lots of snow on the ground and fog. Should be a beautiful hike. I’m hoping my wife is up for snowshoeing again this Friday. If not, I’ll go alone. I love it.

My weight is holding right now but it will break soon. Just got to stay on plan.

Started Atkins September 2003: Weight: 297
Fell off sometime in August 2004
Restarted a few times since January 2006
Current Weight: 211.4
Goal weight: 185

[monet0329]

Noo.. don't go alone.. what if something happens?? will other people be