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Old 01-12-2008, 06:00 PM   #211
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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January 12, 2008

Another good day under my belt. I exercised in case I miss Monday in the "big" storm -

I am having a hard time holding my tongue. I am so tempted to point out rationalizations in others and well, maybe I would be more true to my beliefs if I did. But I am not willing to be the butt of an attack so that someone can defend their psychological constructions and inconsistencies.

Protect me first. Yes!

Be happy in the knowledge that I am right.

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Old 01-13-2008, 01:34 PM   #212
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I summarized some things that helped with binge eating today and will just record them here:
Gosh, those are some good words! I see myself in those words. Thank you for being so generous in what you share.

Quote:
I am so tempted to point out rationalizations in others and well, maybe I would be more true to my beliefs if I did.
That's a hard one. I think change doesn't happen unless we are able to acknowledge when we do this. I just had a big talk with my oldest daughter about this earlier this week. Sometimes it's easier to rationalize than to take responsibility for the consequences we are suffering/will suffer.

I hope that you can find peace with the situation(s).
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Old 01-13-2008, 02:24 PM   #213
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Awwww .. you are very sweet GG. Thank you!

I am feeling an uneasy peace over the situation. I just hate to see people dis'ing others. But I also am not into conflict and I guess I want to pick and choose my battles. When you threaten someone's entire universe that they have constructed in their head, it can be a very dangerous unstable kinda thing. I do not need to battle that kind of passion just for the sake of being right ... when I know I'm right. And frankly the person / people involved mean nothing to me - if it was a husband, sister, friend, I would make the effort I guess - one way or another
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Old 01-13-2008, 05:53 PM   #214
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January 13, 2008

Another really good day under my belt and I am feeling thinner and thinner so I must be doing well ... no scale check to verify this, lol!! I made the flax muffin for the first time and I like it very much - the one with all flax, an egg, a .25t baking soda, and a 1T butter with cinnamon, cloves, splenda, and davincis and I like it fine! So, I think it will replace that second bar on most days .. read that as days when I have 5 minutes to whip one up.

Today was exercise rest day and now I am really happy I exercised yesterday as school has already been cancelled for tomorrow due to the incoming storm so I'll be stuck in here, lol! Chances are I will do a bit of shoveling but not enough to be great exercise .. I think! lol!! So it looks like that exercise class I was invited to try out will have to wait -- and I had planned all around how I was going to manage it! oh well!!

A demain!

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Old 01-13-2008, 08:39 PM   #215
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Hey Pauline I just wanted to stop in and say Hello
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Old 01-14-2008, 04:35 AM   #216
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Jann!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How nice it is to see you!!!!! I hope you are doing well!!! Pauline
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Old 01-14-2008, 05:18 PM   #217
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January 14, 2008

The kids had a snow day today - only ended up with 8 inches, but there was bout an inch of thick ice underneath and it literally took me 2.5 hours to chop the ice off the drive after the snowplow came - backbreaking work, so I definitely got in my exercise today ... hopefully it won't mess up tomorrow's workout too much. I am so dang tired!!

I ate well again, a little more, but hey according to ****** I burned like 700 calories, so it makes sense I'd be a little hungrier - 1932 calories, 82 carbs worth. I've been eating 2 of the flax muffins a day the last 2 days .. using egg white to bring down the calorie count. It's a really good alternative to the bars for me and to large quantities of eggs and cheese, lol!!

I didn't binge despite being a bit panicky over tsome stuff yesterday and today - things that have set me off in the past, so yay!!!! Also, I decided we'd visit my folks this coming weekend since they miss the kids so much - they haven't seen me since New Year's day when I just felt so fat in my clothes! It's only been two weeks, but everything (well almost everything) feels so much better now! I wonder if they'll notice? Hopefully not, lol!!! If they do, it means I looked fat at the party Oh it is so hard to be me!!!!!
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Old 01-15-2008, 08:13 AM   #218
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--zipping in to catch some positive vibes--

You're the best.
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Old 01-15-2008, 08:22 AM   #219
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You look very pretty, Tada!
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Old 01-15-2008, 09:36 AM   #220
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Awwww ... Thanks Alex!! Thanks Carolina!!! Everyone should come home to such nice messages!!! :blush:


... oh and Carolina ... we all know you look good in your size 2p jeans ... heh heh heh ...
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Old 01-15-2008, 09:38 AM   #221
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LOL... I hope so, I am wearing 4's today and they are a little baggy. You avi is very nice.
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Old 01-15-2008, 09:49 AM   #222
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WTG on those baggy jeans Pauline.

It is so great having you back here at LCFs!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 01-15-2008, 09:49 AM   #223
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Wow baggy 4's ... don;t say it too loud, I know some women around here who would kill for baggy 4s

I actually prefer my last avi - which was taken at about the same weight - since the color in this one is kinda weird, but I think if I'm going to have apicture up, it's lame not to have a current one. This avi pic was taken on New Year's Day ... also known as the day of the tight jeans ...
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Old 01-15-2008, 09:53 AM   #224
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Oh it was Carolina Rocker in the loose 4s. My mistake.

I wear mostly 4 petites these days. Some 2s fit but mostly 4s. My goal would be the 2s but I am totally fine in the 4s. I don't diet. I try to eat sensibly. My goal is balance and not to stress the details. So far I am managing not to compulse over things as I usually do.

woops thread jack.

Why are we hung up on size or the scale?? I feel good in my skin. That is the ultimate goal I think.
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Old 01-15-2008, 10:01 AM   #225
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lol! Debbie -- the whole conversation had to do with a post over in the Century Club Lounge where an evil toxic ugly FAT woman (I had to get that in) was diss'ing Carolina and doubting her pants size Ooooooh! We women are so petty!!!! lol!!!

To dredge up a bad subject, I refuse to go below a 4p because it would be too much trouble to find pants!!! I do not want to be stuck ONLY in the juniors department with my 11 yo bad enough having to shop in the Big Girls store all those years, I wanna be normal!!! even if I am a shorty!!!

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Old 01-15-2008, 05:34 PM   #226
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January 15, 2008

I had another good on-plan day. I was really tired at the gym today but completed a normal workout. I am kind of annoyed I can't go to sleep right now - have to wait til 10 for dd to go to bed -- I told her she could watch American Idol -- Silly me!

I was looking at some old threads and came upon on an old challenge called "Struggling to Stay on Plan" and yeah, I was part of it - I think a number of us suffered from binge eating .. How could anything good come out of a challenge with emphasis on "struggle"? Why didn't we name it "Committed to Staying on Plan" or "Strong and On Plan" or something like that?

I just started to think about the words we label ourselves with as a friend goes through this right now. Funny, one big thing I have learned in the last five years is that you become the person you see inside your head, and part of it involves the labels we give ourselves. Even if you don't quite believe it yet, it is important to tell yourself you are strong, beautiful, hard-working and deserving. Calling yourself stupid, fat, lazy, failure is the reason many of us binge in the first place -- we hear those voices from our past that maybe set us up for this anxiety that causes binge in the first place.

The "Daily Affirmations" on SNL always made me giggle, and here I am saying how important it is ... Do you think my sisters are right and I've actually become my mother too??!!!
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Old 01-16-2008, 08:42 AM   #227
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I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me! - Stewart Smalley.

Funny but effective. Nice.
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Old 01-16-2008, 09:11 AM   #228
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Originally Posted by TaDa! View Post
January 15, 2008
Even if you don't quite believe it yet, it is important to tell yourself you are strong, beautiful, hard-working and deserving. Calling yourself stupid, fat, lazy, failure is the reason many of us binge in the first place -- we hear those voices from our past that maybe set us up for this anxiety that causes binge in the first place.
Truer words were never spoken. I wish we could all learn this early in our journey. I think that there would not be so many all or nothing people then......I'm on plan-I'm wonderful-I'm strong or I ate something I shouldn't have-I'm a failure-It's no use. I have been very guilty of this in the past but am now aware of it and will move on as a stronger person. (How's that for turning it into a positive statement? )

Last edited by GardenGirl639; 01-16-2008 at 09:13 AM.. Reason: Needed to be more positive. LOL
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Old 01-16-2008, 04:32 PM   #229
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Originally Posted by Colo Alex View Post
I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me! - Stewart Smalley.
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Old 01-16-2008, 04:35 PM   #230
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I wish we could all learn this early in our journey. I think that there would not be so many all or nothing people then......I'm on plan-I'm wonderful-I'm strong or I ate something I shouldn't have-I'm a failure-It's no use.
yeah! There's the story of my life!!!! lol!!! I think of it as, I have no choice but to break that cycle or I'm just going to end up hating myself ever more and be one of those poor poor souls who end up in their beds unable to get out the door -- becasue I know that could easily be me. And I just can't let it be me, ya know??!!
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Old 01-16-2008, 04:36 PM   #231
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January 16, 2008

I felt totally great this morning ... thin, hawt, everything! Now, I just feel exhausted. My 7 yo isn't in bed yet and I feel ready for bed! lol!! The last few days have been very hungry days, although I've done well. I think it is TOM hunger ... and labeling it has probably helped me ignore it.

I have felt hungry in the a.m. after breakfast by the time I made my way to the gym at 9 am!! So, when I add calories it will likely be to that meal! Today I felt that and ignored it, waiting til lunch to eat, but also was still hungry after my 4 pm "meal" ("meal" #3 was tuna in oil on lc pita with onion slice) and decided to add in a cup of tea and a cup of cheerios, and to cut out some vegetarian sausage I've been having around dinnertime. I didn't think it would work and was very worried I'd be ravenous again in a few minutes, but it was ok! Yay! So good food day and great exercise day even if it nearly killed me with fatigue!!

I must be doing something right, a bodybuilder guy I know nearly got naked on me, showing me a big bruise on his thigh in the gym today Luckily I did not fall off my machine in a dead faint, or start snoring!
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Old 01-17-2008, 06:09 AM   #232
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Good morning Pauline, gald you are doing ok!!!
[read your story and it was very interesting, thanks for sharing!]
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Old 01-17-2008, 06:58 AM   #233
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Originally Posted by TaDa! View Post
January 16, 2008


I must be doing something right, a bodybuilder guy I know nearly got naked on me, showing me a big bruise on his thigh in the gym today Luckily I did not fall off my machine in a dead faint, or start snoring!
[COLOR="Blue"]Yikes! Gyms can be very dangerous![/COLOR]
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Old 01-17-2008, 05:47 PM   #234
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Thanks Carolina. That's very nice of you to say!!

Alex ... I tell you, you don't know the half of it .. I work out at a pretty interesting gym, lol!!!
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Old 01-17-2008, 05:52 PM   #235
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DH was at Heathrow today when the jet from China crash landed - waiting for a flight to Ireland ... that man has nine lives. He had a flight booked for 9/13/01 ... two days after September 11 on one of the flights from Boston to California (on his way to Singapore) that the terrorists had apparently purchased tickets for in case 9/11 didn't work out for them. Kinda creepy since he doesn't travel for work all that much ... If you should see him in the airport some day, you may want to think about changing your travel plans

Good day - much less hungry today - no hunger after breakfast and none in the late afternoon. It probably was all hormones, but it is scary when I get like that! It really does feel like a bolt out of the blue and I wonder if I can even live on a normal amount of food. Maybe I should start to mark "hungry" days in a calendar so that I can try to figure out any patterns ... hmmm....
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Old 01-18-2008, 06:39 PM   #236
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January 18, 2008

I went out and had a nice dinner, I could have eaten better but i still did fine - if a little high in carbs - According to ******, it'd be 2335 calories and 99 carbs. I ended up doing an hour of cardio at the gym which had me expending 2778 calories, so I am still in weightloss mode. I am at the folks' house and will make better choices if we go out to eat again this weekend - which is likely!

I saw some people tonight I had not seen since losing the weight -- and they have known me my whole large life .. it was a bit awkward. They had that shocked thing going on .. the look I'd kinda forgotten since I'd first lost the weight. Better get used to it, my 25th highschool reunion is coming up

Funny part - they were over at the next table and I just knew they were dying to hear me order dinner, lol!! By tomorrow it'll be all over town that I lost a bazillion pounds on Atkins, that my eldest is 5'2", both children are a normal weight, the husband was nowhere in sight and that I ordered eggplant parm and a glass of red wine
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Old 01-18-2008, 07:44 PM   #237
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Oh the Scandal!!
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Old 01-19-2008, 04:09 PM   #238
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Pauline, I posted over in the low carb lobby on the vegan post, after you posted.

If you don't read it, I just wanted to make sure you know how grateful I was to you in times past, when I was a vegetarian and you took the time to post how to do low carb vegetarian. It was so helpful to me and many others, and proved to many that you can still low carb and be a vegetarian. The info in that post was so great, you should bump it once in a while for others to see. It proved what a variety of food one can eat while still lowcarbing and being a vegetarian.
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Old 01-19-2008, 06:37 PM   #239
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Joyce thanks so much. I did see your post and was planning on pm'ing you to thank you! There have been some wonderful posts over there lately and it's great! I am trying to stay out of the fray over there, lol! I have eaten the way I do for 30 years and always found it so very interesting, how some people feel they have to attack vegetarianism and vegetarians, when someone like myself is not even interested in discussing it with them, lol! I could care less what their personal moral code is, especially when I realize what they are interested in .. How annoying for them when they cannot pick a fight with me.

They'll ask me whether I wear leather (uh, no ...), start shouting how eating fish means you're not a vegetarian (uh, I know this!!), never bothering to ask me why I eat this way, or what I believe .. no, instant personal attack when someone mentions that I might be a vegetarian, lol!

In my experience most of these folks are failed fad vegetarians backpedaling to justify the fact that they are no longer willing to even try to follow their own higher values ... ooh, it's not natural! lol! I dunno! if I look at other mammals, rape and theft seem pretty natural in the animal world, but somehow we've developed an ethical code that is supposed to separate us from the beasts. Most of us would agree that is a good thing even if we have to suppress certain "natural" urges. Oh how terrible, the cost of vegetarianism! Someone might have to take a few vitamins, lol!

And if they really cared to find out about my beliefs, they'd find out that just because I currently eat fish and milk and eggs does not mean I believe it is right or necessary. If they were not so busy protecting themselves against their own inner vegetarian leanings, they might find out that I am doing as much as I can do right now and unlike them, do not ever try to profess that my actions are perfect. They are only as perfect as I can get at this point in my existence. I strive to evolve. I, at least, am honest with myself and others.

Fascinating that folks will flip out when they get unsolicited comments on their Atkins-ism, but feel they can have a free-for-all on others.

Thanks again for your kind words!! and feel free to bump any old posts -- I don't mind at all, lol!!



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Old 01-20-2008, 04:03 AM   #240
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January 19, 2008

I had to give up the computer over to a family membr last night so i did not have time to post a journal entry ... but here it is!

Another good day! I was quite happy that the meal out on Friday night with a breaded dish did not cause me any extra carb cravings or anything and that I was able to jump right into my usual menu plan for yesterday. last night I felt like eating some more ... and pinpointed it as boredom ... but I have avoided the usual pitfalls for me when I am at my parents' house and have not even had an interest in any of the extra food around. I usually have a lot of trouble here and weirdly I think knowing I will come and post on the boards has kept me out of the munchies. i also managed a cardio workout on the bike and rowing machine and I hope to do another one today and maybe make tomorrow a rest day.

I browsed the bookshelves here and found one of those old books Prevention magazine used to flog on "Doctor's Home remedies." I looked up heel spurs .. nothing I didn't know in there, but in the section on Binge Eating was a nice concise list of helpful advice culled from various doctors and medical professionals that I will summarize here:

The Doctor's Book of Home Remedies for Women
ISBN# 0-87596-343-9
pp. 52-55

Binge eating is a psyhological disorder. Food cravings can trigger a binge, but are not the source of binges. Binge eating is a way to smother emotions we want to push away. Bingeing can be caused by restrictive dieting. when you binge you are out of control.

Methods to try:

1. Stop when you can and call a friend or go for a walk.

2. Throw out the rest of the box.

3. Record the binge and most importantly, what the trigger was.

4. Eat enough during the day will help reduce the likelihood of a nightime binge brought on by hunger.

5. Try spicy food. It fills you up faster and you can't really bingeon chili peppers.

6. Do something that requires total concentration - like a difficult crossword puzzle.

7. Wait - set the kitchen timer for 15 minutes and try to pinpoint the source of the urge. (love this one!!)

8. Ask for help. Call a friend you trust and discuss your urge. (I guess going on the boards would qualify!)

9. Forgive Yourself. You need to gradually feel better about yourself. it may take years, but each small step helps.
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