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Old 01-05-2011, 11:58 AM   #1351
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I am very glad to hear you are doing well, Mavis, and like me, just back to business after the festivities! That is the key to longterm success I think ....



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Old 01-07-2011, 04:14 AM   #1352
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Friday January 7, 2011

The week had been going well since everyone was back to their normal schedule .. Food was totally back to "same 'ol same 'ol" which works for me and exercise too ... I did have a muscle pull which I just worked around and worked through ...

Then last night I had such strong binge urges ... and I ended up doing the same thing I did the last time this happened .. I had **one** extra thing, realized that even if I ate everything in the cupboard, I'd be in the "same place" with a fuller stomach afterward .. that same dissatisified place. For some reason, I listened to myself -- after enumerating the exact reasons I was getting this urge -- and white-knuckled it until bedtime.

This morning I wake up happy that I did not binge even if I did eat more than usual (to the tune of 225 calories, 4.5 net carbs .. so totally acceptable) even if it would have been better not to do that. By eating 1 portion of food, I gave myself the signal that I was not restricting real hunger (even though this was not true hunger and I was overfull after eating it as far as belly sensation), and somehow reasoned with myself in a way that did not send me further over the deep end.

It was not pleasant at any point. It was, however, effective!

My urge reasons:

** I was nervous about little dd going off to her first ski lesson straight from school on a bus where she'd be for 4 hours on her own. She doesn't have a cell phone, etc.
**dh was off playing soccer so I had to do "everything" last night and stay up past my usual bedtime ..so I was
**Exhausted!! and dying to go to bed.
**I may be pms-y

p.s. The p.s. of the story, my little daredevil loved it, has not a single bruise or sore bit on her body, wants her own equipment, and wants to go twice a week, lol! We had better win the lottery or find a place that takes child laborers ...

Last edited by TaDa!; 01-07-2011 at 04:16 AM..
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Old 01-07-2011, 07:11 AM   #1353
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Huge success, Pauline.

Stopping a binge with a 225-cal 4-carb splurge? Can't beat that.

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Old 01-07-2011, 09:52 AM   #1354
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Thanks Twyla

It is something new to me this year .. instead of saying to self: "I will be satisfied with one, so I'll go have one" and then eating 12 packages of them, instead of the 16 packages I'd have had with simple blanket "I won't have anything."

I say to self "You can have one in the knowledge that it will probably not be the satisfaction you were looking for, and if that's the case it will be time to suck it up and white-knuckle it!"

not fun .. but it worked!! Woohoooo!!

Last edited by TaDa!; 01-07-2011 at 09:53 AM..
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Old 01-08-2011, 03:29 AM   #1355
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Saturday January 8, 2011

So, yesterday I got waylaid at the gym by a trainer and a friend who want me to run on some team in a race called a "mud run" you run a very hilly 10k and during it are obstacles .. yes! including a lot of mud and you have to help your whole team through the mud and obstacles and the team has to cross the finish line together a la "no man left behind" ... Apparently at the end of the race they hose everyone down with fire hoses It is in May ...

I told them I'd think about it .. aaaack! I'm not really a team athletics kinda girl, lol! I like to do my own thing .. In the last couple of years, I have not done any real racing as my foot bothers me too much in anything longer than a 10k/6 mi. I haven't raced at all since last year when I ran/coached my 9 yo through a 4 mile race .. coaxing her onward with lollipops .. and so that doesn't even count, lol!

Actually my teen announced to me the other day that we have to the Veterans Day race this year since it will be 11/11/11 ..... My kids and I each ran in different events at that race a few years ago. That's just a road race though and the only obstacles are a group of Marines carrying huge-normous flags running and "chanting" (why obstacle? Finishing behind them would be pretty darn humiliating! lol!)

How do I get myself into these silly things?!
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Old 01-08-2011, 10:30 AM   #1356
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You're welcome, lol! Not so sure what I did .. except be happy that Elizabeth is back around!!



P
Just missing me was enough!
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Old 01-09-2011, 05:22 PM   #1357
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awwwwwww Elizabeth!!!

Sunday January 9, 2011

So the week went well although I must say it was tough resisting a few days of overeating urges and binge urges and also tough getting back to my gym schedule .. I find it less tempting to go now that it is full of new members, lol lol!

Anyhow, I started that Valentines challenge and am quite pleased this time with my own focus on behaviors .. focusing on weight kinda sucks and is only something I should have to do around holidays and vacations when I need to make room for more indulgences ..

Anyhow, this week stacked up:

TaDa/Pauline
goal weight: 126-131 lbs
goal behaviors: food, ******, exercise, journaling, weighing-in
1/3 Mon 1/4 Tues 1/5 Wed 1/6 Thurs 1/7 Fri 1/8 Sat 1/9 Sun

and my weight has been moving around 128 for the last week ... that is what I call "my favorite weight". So, a good week all in all!!! Love not thinking about my weight except on Tuesdays for TOPS weigh-in ... love love love love it!
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Old 01-10-2011, 12:07 AM   #1358
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Pauline, you're awesome. I'm a huge fan. xoxo
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Old 01-10-2011, 02:39 PM   #1359
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awwwwwww Elizabeth!!!

Sunday January 9, 2011

So the week went well although I must say it was tough resisting a few days of overeating urges and binge urges and also tough getting back to my gym schedule .. I find it less tempting to go now that it is full of new members, lol lol!

Anyhow, I started that Valentines challenge and am quite pleased this time with my own focus on behaviors .. focusing on weight kinda sucks and is only something I should have to do around holidays and vacations when I need to make room for more indulgences ..

Anyhow, this week stacked up:

TaDa/Pauline
goal weight: 126-131 lbs
goal behaviors: food, ******, exercise, journaling, weighing-in
1/3 Mon 1/4 Tues 1/5 Wed 1/6 Thurs 1/7 Fri 1/8 Sat 1/9 Sun

and my weight has been moving around 128 for the last week ... that is what I call "my favorite weight". So, a good week all in all!!! Love not thinking about my weight except on Tuesdays for TOPS weigh-in ... love love love love it!
Love the check marks! I always feel so accomplished with a whole list of check marks. Doesn't even matter what it is. LOL
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Old 01-10-2011, 04:09 PM   #1360
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Well Rebekah, if you are a fan, then it is mutual admiration society because I cannot tell you how many times I think back on that Thanksgiving post you write - was it 2003? - each holiday season after reading the usual holiday cheat threads over on the Main Board! lol! I am so glad you are aorund

lol on the check marks Elizabeth! I wanted to have something different than a list of daily weights ... sooooooooo not motivating for me - just stressful! lol!!
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Old 01-10-2011, 04:38 PM   #1361
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Pauline, you shame me.

You show a row of check marks.

My journal today should show a little row of frowny/"gripey" faces.

Or maybe the stuffing-his-face smiley.

You've one-upped me.



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Old 01-12-2011, 04:09 PM   #1362
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ooh! I live to one-up you Twyla!!! P

Wednesday January 12, 2011
So at last check we got 23 inches of snow today, lol! (might be a bit more by now) As I suspected dh and the kids stayed home .. actually Governor issued a "State of Emergency" so dh would have been stuck at work if he were silly enough to go ... last storm he went in and was the **only one** who showed up to work, lol lol! I was (privately) thrilled, lol! because he was being ridiculous, but there is no talking to the man, lol!! He's just hell-bent on learning the hard way .. lol!!!

Anyhoooo I suspected that there'd be a snow day today, so I prepared and worked out yesterday even though I usually skip Tuesdays (and did not want to work out!!!). I had been having some god-awful cravings/hunger and so I knew to keep myself busy all day so that if nerves were frayed, I did not give in to any stress eating!

Last week I started to get a little restless with the normal meals I was eating so I totally changed it up today .. lol! a taste of summer in thigh deep snow .. we had greek salads with hb eggs for lunch and an amazing lentil stew for dinner .. so all day I cooked and did laundry which will free me up a little bit for the rest of the week ... although there are towns around us that have school closed for tomorrow as well!! so there is a chance our town will also close school again ... but gawd I hope not!!! lol!!!

Good day!
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Old 01-13-2011, 04:19 PM   #1363
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Thursday January 13, 2011

So today one of my kids had a second "snow day" ... school roof needed snow shoveled off so it doesn't cave in (political I think .. as building of the new school goes to Town Meeting soon) --- I was going to wait for big dd to come home from school and have her watch little dd for a bit so I could get to the gym .. but when little dd heard that plan, she told me she really wanted to come workout .. so I had a cardio workout today rather than a usual one as I needed to follow her around to the cardio machines she wanted to do, lol!

Then a nasty old town plow piled 3 feet of new ice in front of our driveway .. after we had already shoveled the plow debris twice (24 inches total of snow .. yesterday so you can just imagine). Anyhow I did that, and was ready to collapse in the house .. dh is away tonight playing soccer (indoor obviously, lol!) and I started to get strong binge urges again .. I ate a little and then just powered through it .. so yay for me!

Please God can I have a little peace and quiet tomorrow?? Please?????!!!! The next two weeks are going to be tough kid-wise .. May I please get through this week with my sanity intact??!!
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Old 01-14-2011, 09:21 PM   #1364
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I ate a little and then just powered through it .. so yay for me!
Go, you!!!

Hope you had a peaceful day today.
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Old 01-15-2011, 04:02 AM   #1365
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Thanks Elizabeth!! I actually ended up having a stressful day yesterday but I upped my fats to 70% since I feel like I was in the "binge urge" danger zone the past two weeks and it worked really great -- on the urge end of things!
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Old 01-15-2011, 07:50 AM   #1366
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Sorry you had a stressful day.

Glad that you knew what to do to take care of yourself. What do you generally use to up your fats?

My husband and I are talking about signing up to doing a walking 5K with our two youngest (each 10 yo). Do you have any experience with races with adults that had kids in them? We don't want to race, just have the experience as a family.
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Old 01-15-2011, 09:48 AM   #1367
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I already eat a lot of coconut oil in my food daily .. so generally I will up my butter and maybe an extra oz of cheese a day .. Actually today I plan on also having a high fats day. It will come to around 67% fat with a very low (for me) 50 net grams of carbs today .. I have to say I am feeling stress over the next two weeks situation and I just know I do better like this when I am under stress .. so I will prolly aim for at least one very fatty meal a day, until I am out of my funk, lol!

You guys will have an awesome 5k!! As far as advice, I do have some only if there are also runners doing the same course with you .. and that is, when you go to the beginning of the course, get all the way to the back behind everyone. it will take a bit of time to get started when everyone starts up, but you will not be "run over" by anyone.

Generally in races, the slower the runner, the farther back they stand .. if I had my 10 yo with me (and I did last march), I would stand all the way to the back ... But it is a great great experience for the kids .. they feel so proud to have come in and usually some kind people stand at the finishing line and cheer in the kiddos. At the end, when the finishing line is in sight, I'd push the kids ahead of you and let them sprint the last little distance to the finishing line ... very exciting for them! Sounds like a lot of fun!!!
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Old 01-15-2011, 12:50 PM   #1368
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I already eat a lot of coconut oil in my food daily .. so generally I will up my butter and maybe an extra oz of cheese a day .. Actually today I plan on also having a high fats day. It will come to around 67% fat with a very low (for me) 50 net grams of carbs today .. I have to say I am feeling stress over the next two weeks situation and I just know I do better like this when I am under stress .. so I will prolly aim for at least one very fatty meal a day, until I am out of my funk, lol!
Tension is who you think you should be.
Relaxation is who you are.

~ Chinese Proverb


Pauline, hope you find ways to de-stress this weekend.
The stress doesn't do us any good, and cortisol havoc is the LAST thing we need.

Big breath.....ahhhhh.....atta girl.








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Old 01-15-2011, 04:31 PM   #1369
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oooh! Awesome proverb Twyla!!!!

<doing deep breaths right now>



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Old 01-20-2011, 04:13 AM   #1370
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Thursday January 20, 2011

I have been having major panic attacks the last few days. I would have thought it was all snow-related, but now I am feeling panic over one of my dd's extracurricular activities. So I looked through my journal and I have been going through this now since the week of January 7 .. two weeks! and now it is full-blown panic attacks?!

The Valentines Challenge and the TOPS group are keeping me hyper-tuned in to my food and exercise with my goals to "just keep to the behaviors and the rest will follow". My weight is on track, fluctuating normally .. I went to a high of 129 three times during those two weeks, and today to a low of 126.5.

So I guess I am being very successful - figured out how to avoid the stress eating with hyper-vigilance. Thing is, I still have to have the emotions and worry. I guess it is better than having the worry and stuffing it with food and then having a weight problem to deal with again .. but blehhhhhh.

I take the St. Johns Wort three times a day and that worked for me last winter - still taking it, but I think I need something else on top of it ... gonna look around. This panic-y feeling is not ok .. I keep having to tell myself to take a step back and put it all in perspective - maybe I am panic-ing because I won't let myself just stuff it with food?!

Anyhow .. I guess I'm doing ok, lol ...
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Old 01-20-2011, 07:20 AM   #1371
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Pauline,

I’m the last one to give out any advice as I have so much to learn but….

You seem to give so much of yourself to everyone…. Your family (of course), your friends, the people at TOPS, countless people on this BB, and who knows how many others. It is quite commendable and amazing. You have helped me so many times I can’t thank you enough.

I can’t help but wonder if you don’t feel responsible for all of these people as well? You know you are not, right? So many people involved with weight loss are struggling and it can be down right depressing. Always problems and struggles… its rough! Let those go, they are not yours. Help others, but don’t take on their burdens as well.

I think you must be sure to put yourself and your own happiness first then your family. In fact, I believe that the greatest way to ensure a happy family is to have a happy Mom/Wife. Then friends, TOPS etc. can fall into place after.

I think stress can manifest itself as many things and a panic attack is one of them. I find when there is one or more unresolved issue that I am dealing with it can balloon up into worse issues.

I admire your toughness and ability to get through this stuff without turning to food. You continue to amaze me.

My best way of removing some of the stress I encounter is to spend time hiking completely by myself. Alone with my thoughts and the sounds of nature I am able to clear my head and put things into perspective. I don’t know if you do this, but it helps me a lot.

You are a brilliant, giving, beautiful person Pauline. Remind yourself of that from time to time!

All my best.

Alex
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Old 01-20-2011, 09:56 AM   #1372
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I already eat a lot of coconut oil in my food daily .. so generally I will up my butter and maybe an extra oz of cheese a day .. Actually today I plan on also having a high fats day. It will come to around 67% fat with a very low (for me) 50 net grams of carbs today .. I have to say I am feeling stress over the next two weeks situation and I just know I do better like this when I am under stress .. so I will prolly aim for at least one very fatty meal a day, until I am out of my funk, lol!

You guys will have an awesome 5k!! As far as advice, I do have some only if there are also runners doing the same course with you .. and that is, when you go to the beginning of the course, get all the way to the back behind everyone. it will take a bit of time to get started when everyone starts up, but you will not be "run over" by anyone.

Generally in races, the slower the runner, the farther back they stand .. if I had my 10 yo with me (and I did last march), I would stand all the way to the back ... But it is a great great experience for the kids .. they feel so proud to have come in and usually some kind people stand at the finishing line and cheer in the kiddos. At the end, when the finishing line is in sight, I'd push the kids ahead of you and let them sprint the last little distance to the finishing line ... very exciting for them! Sounds like a lot of fun!!!
Thank you for this great information. I read it too my husband and got all teary eyed about people cheering for the kids and pushing them forward so they could sprint.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TaDa! View Post
Thursday January 20, 2011

I have been having major panic attacks the last few days. I would have thought it was all snow-related, but now I am feeling panic over one of my dd's extracurricular activities. So I looked through my journal and I have been going through this now since the week of January 7 .. two weeks! and now it is full-blown panic attacks?!
I am sorry that you are suffering, Pauline. How is your Vitamin D3? It's made all the difference in how I handle January.

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You are a brilliant, giving, beautiful person Pauline. Remind yourself of that from time to time!
Agreed!
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Old 01-20-2011, 10:05 AM   #1373
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Thursday January 20, 2011

.... blehhhhhh......I take the St. Johns Wort three times a day and that worked for me last winter - still taking it, but I think I need something else on top of it ... gonna look around. This panic-y feeling is not ok .. I keep having to tell myself to take a step back and put it all in perspective - maybe I am panic-ing because I won't let myself just stuff it with food?!

Anyhow .. I guess I'm doing ok, lol ...
Dr. T recommends the following:

- Vitamin D and/or natural sunlight WHENEVER you can get it

- Soothing music to lighten your mood and make you EXHALE;
or, music that speaks to your heart (Music is the voice of our souls)

- Lighting a yummy candle (My favorite: Candleberry's Hot Maple Toddy)

- Having a glass of wine

- Watching a comedy

- Finding a reason to laugh -- out loud and long

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Old 01-20-2011, 12:31 PM   #1374
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Alex Thank you so much!! It is funny, because I came to some of the same thoughts this morning. The last few years I have been feeling guilty about maybe having shortchanged my kids somewhat and have been making up for it -pretty well I think. So anyhow. I gave myself a "day off" today and bought some clothes for myself .. shocking! lol! The gym helps me some too .. and we have 2+ feet of snow right now, but you are right that getting outside will help! I actually thought of going out in snowshoes today too .. and ended up ordering some ski pants online (I didn't like what they had at the store today), so that will be an option soon!!!!

Elizabeth You will love the race atmosphere! It really is great! I haven't really looked into extra D yet, but probably should! Twyla suggested it too! I do get a lot of sunlight -- we live atop a very big hill .. very big .. and it is so sunny inside that you could think it were summer if not for the bare branches. Maybe that is not enough though.

I did get myself to Whole Foods today though, in search of GABA which I have heard suggested. While there I had a great discussion with the department person and she suggested L-theanine, derived from green tea. Looking it up now, it is supposed to affect GABA and dopamine. Anyhow, I bought some, took a capsule right away and it took a good hour and a half, during which I also had my 2nd St. John's Wort for the day, but I literally got my breathing back and feel pretty normal right now.

I had tried Kava Kava in the past and it always worked, but, without fail, gives me a hangover effect -- even at the mildest dose .. so anyhow, I plan to see if this L-theanine can help (only on an as-needed basis) ... I will report in on it! lol!!

Twyla, I also try and do hypnotherapy and those kind of relaxing things .. it works most of the time, but not for this kind of panic attack .. it is like a feeling of getting taken over and obsessive -- not logical .. like I'm crazy.

Phew! Thank you for all the love guys. It means a lot!! I am doing ok this afternoon!!!



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Old 01-20-2011, 05:34 PM   #1375
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January 20, 2011

Feeling at the edge of a binge .. allowed myself an extra snack tonight (200 calories, 2 net carbs) and yep, could eat about 20 of them .. but I am going to stop it right here! I feel able to do that. Seems like it is my new strategy lately .. ha! way too much experience with binge urges these past two weeks! It is different than the panic attacks. I am not feeling that right now at all, but I imagine it is all related!!

Cute ... my teen today told me that her friends all think I'm a cool mom because I bring them food to school during exams and drive them around on their vacations ... Little does she know how much enjoyment *I* got out of seeing three 15 year old girls jumping up and down, crying thank thank you thank you, when I handed them a bag of terrible fast food - I will not name - and chocolate bars through the window of my car in front of the highschool (like some badass carb dealer ...).

No, I am not that ultra-permissive mom! I have been on dd's back a lot lately about her grades and she really did study like a demon with her friends .. so it was the least I could do for those A's we will shortly be seeing ... I can hope, right?! they use the block system, so these are final exams.
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Old 01-21-2011, 11:15 AM   #1376
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Originally Posted by TaDa! View Post
January 20, 2011

Feeling at the edge of a binge .. allowed myself an extra snack tonight (200 calories, 2 net carbs) and yep, could eat about 20 of them .. but I am going to stop it right here! I feel able to do that. Seems like it is my new strategy lately .. ha! way too much experience with binge urges these past two weeks! It is different than the panic attacks. I am not feeling that right now at all, but I imagine it is all related!!
Pauline, reading your comments on your binge propensities reminds me of when I used to binge every few weeks (back in the days of carbophobia). Sometimes I could make it 6 or 8 weeks, but the cycle always repeated itself. I'm just curious: What constitutes a "binge" for you? I'm be embarrassed to admit to what all I would eat in a typical binge for ME.

Oh, and by the way, you're definitely one of those "cool moms!"
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Old 01-21-2011, 06:27 PM   #1377
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Twyla I just lost my post .. bleh .. but it isreal binge eating until my stomach hurts and I have to lie down, or physically "lose my cookies" .. I generally binge on lc foods - doesn't matter - must be like 1000 or 2000 calories.

It has not happened in a long time now thankfully! Binge No More by Joyce Nash helped me quite a bit .. also some other books, but Nash, the most.

Friday January 21, 2011

Today went well -- no panic at all! I kept very very busy -- snow day for the kids again! and I had to chop ice for two hours - after our drive was plowed - so I could get out and dh could get into the house. I also moved everything back into little dd's room - which I spent a number of days painting - she was amazing, with only a little prompting, she got rid of at least half of her possesions and is enjoying the feeling of less is more!

I am feeling good that I got through what could have been a terrible day! lol! The snow bank at the end of our driveway is a good 12 feet tall .. like a giant frozen ocean wave .. more snow Tuesday .. wondering where they are going to be able to put it!! lol!!
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Old 01-22-2011, 08:56 AM   #1378
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Twyla ... it isreal binge eating until my stomach hurts and I have to lie down, or physically "lose my cookies" .. I generally binge on lc foods - doesn't matter - must be like 1000 or 2000 calories.


That's your definition of a binge?



I should hide my head in shame.


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Old 01-22-2011, 09:44 AM   #1379
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Twyla .. in my case, it is not for want of trying to get more food in .. physical capacity, nothing else <sigh>



Pauline
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Old 01-24-2011, 04:38 AM   #1380
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Monday January 24, 2011

Just what was needed this morning .. Thanks to Lynn ..


No Excuses!
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