TaDa! The Lifelong Journey!!

[TaDa!]

Thanks gals Deb, it is not the normal overeating thing unfortunately. I really am ok when that happens, even if I am not overjoyed, lol! - when that happens, it is a decision and nothing more than a blip on the radar, things like gorging on chips and cheese at a party, or ordering a huge meal and then eating it all at a restaurant or something like that. I'm ok with that. It's just normal life.

When it smacks of binge eating disorder - just mindlessly putting food - any food, even food I do not like or enjoy - into my mouth, often eating secretively, and it is a behaviour I cannot stop, then it is a problem - and I know I am in trouble when it starts happening on consecutive night. Last time this happened, I re-gained 30 lbs despite trying every day to just eat at maintenance levels.

It's not really something you can even understand if you have not been through it. I've had episodes that last months despite trying every day to just get back on track. Anyhow, I feel like I am more or less over this one - and maybe it won't happen like this for another year or so, but I can't know, I can just go a day at a time essentially.

At my best, I will binge only maybe one time a month - a TOM-induced one and so far, that is the most I can hope for. Being able to maintain despite my problem and having such a minimal weight gain despite huge huge quantities of food last week is a very exciting thing

Thanks for all your support!!



Pauline

[debbiedo]

Believe me I have binged and I have eaten secretly. I have done this since I was a kid. Cookies wouild be eaten by the handful. Once I even ate cookies my roommate got from her family.

[TaDa!]

November 18, 2008

My weight the last 6 months .. my goal weight range was 130-135 until the other day ... totally cool considering this includes an all-inclusive vacation just eating on the fly, still having bnge eating episodes and social occasions when I overeat ...

June 1, 2008 - November 18, 2008



Who knew I'd ever be happy to see all those zigzags? Yay

[WATCH-ME-SHRINK]

Pauline,

I've been away from the boards quite a bit lately, popping in only now and then, too busy to keep up.

I have found that reading others' journals can be very helpful to our own journeys, and although I've only read the last 5-6 posts of yours, I just wanted to stop in to say I admire you for your diligence in being aware of your propensity to binge.

I used to far more than I do now, and when I do lately, it's solely TOM induced, but scary nonetheless because I lose complete control and feel that I can't stop, and it's hell getting back on track again.

Anyway, just wanted to say you're amazing, your determination and willpower. Your courage.

I salute you.

[GardenGirl639]

Hi, Pauline!

Your jagged line is such an encouragement to me-both as a person who has been overweight for most of my life and a binge eater. Thank you for continuing to post and show us how it's done.

[TaDa!]

Thanks Twyla and Elizabeth

November 23, 2008

Warning .. Maintenance, Pre-Maintenance, or South Beach Style recipe to follow ... I've been figuring out what I'll be making to bring to my parents' on Thanksgiving. My littlest received a Smoothie cookbook for her birthday and I pronmised her she could make one for everyone on Turkey Day ... but I wanted to turn it lowcarb and a little lower fat, soooooo I made some substitutions. We just gave it a dry run and it came out fabulous!!!

Coffee Smoothie (about 2 servings)

3-4 teaspoon instant coffee (we used decaf Sanka)
1 cup lowfat milk (or your preferred)
1 cup plain lowfat yogurt
liquid splenda or granular splenda
1 banana

1. Measure out a cup of plain yogurt and sweeten with the splenda until sweet. Now freeze the yogurt.
2. Peel the banana and freeze it as well!
3. Once frozen, start making your smoothie! Put all ingredients in the blender and blend until milkshake consistency.
4. When I finished, I decided it needed a few extra drops of liquid splenda. I added it then and blended again.

You could substitute nonfat yogurt and nonfat milk to bring down the fat content, or you could use soy milk and full fat yogurt to improve the carb count ... or even mix heavy cream in water in place of the milk. The original recipe actually called for ice cream or "frozen yogurt" .. but I have to say using actual yogurt, it came out delicious and tastes just like a milkshake ... yay!

[GardenGirl639]

Happy Thanksgiving, Pauline!

[NWLoser]

Happy Thanksgiving Pauline! Thank you for inspiring me on this journey!

[TaDa!]

February 2, 2008

So I have been MIA since Thanksgiving. I seem to get in a bit of a funk around holiday time every year and end up digging myself out in the dead of winter. So, here I am digging myself out! lol!!!

All is well with me .. well, the skinny jeans have gotten a little tighter, but at least I do not have any other size clothes! lol!!! I have been running a lot lately and trying to get myself mentally back to where I should be.

Also, I've come up with some vegetarian recipes using TVP: veggie burgers, veggie meatballs, mexican vegetarian "ground meat" etc to help cut down on the grocery bills. For example, I can make vegetarian burgers at a cost of approx 50 cents for 4 where a package of morningstar or boca burgers is like $3.50 where I shop .. so this has been a great great savings for us. the carbs are slightly higher than the store-bought ones, but that doesn't matter for me at my carb level.

I promise to post my vegetarian recipes when I get some time to do that.

Pauline

[LJB]

Hi, Pauline!

Nice to see you. I was wondering where you disappeared to.

[msmoon]

There you are! Love that you have made a return. You were sorely missed my friend. Got your email. I'll write back soon.

[TaDa!]

Thanks so much ladies!! I'm back where I should be Glad to see you guys!!

[TaDa!]

February 3, 2009

Life has a way of really freaking me out. It's always something and I do not deal well when things go wrong. Until I can take action, I work myself up inside, imagining the worst possible outcomes, imagining that things are far worse than they are and then panicking over them. Yesterday was another one of those days.

And then my neighbor called me to borrow snow pants for her granddaughter. There was something in her voice and when I asked after her and her husband, she broke down. She has breast cancer - and it is pretty bad.

And then I went to choral rehearsal. At the end of rehearsal, one of the men stood up and addressed the group (we are about 60 people). He will be undergoing surgery next week to remove a brain tumor and would like us to think of him on the morning of his surgery.

Here I am freaking out about things in my life that I may have no control over, but are things that we can easily survive. They make life uncomfortable - but that's it. Discomfort.

Time to get real. We have everything we need inside of us. Life can be good - really good. The biggest mistake we make - especially those of us who have used food or any substance as a crutch in life - is to think that life should treat us well, that happiness should come from the outside in. But that is a very small part of it. You find happiness from the inside out and only then does it radiate back to you from the rest of the world. Some people call it "good luck." I think we make our own luck.

Time to quit whining, wallowing, and worrying, see what my friends are facing, and get real. Life is great.

(and winter is short)

[debbiedo]

Pauline I have missed you around here. glad you are back. bad can always happen. that is why we have to live our lives and not wait for things to happen. I see it daily as a nurse. It also shows me how people survive and over come.

[TaDa!]

It must be tough to be a medical practitioner, for sure. Seeing things happening to people I know and love just makes me realize how unimportant most worldly concerns are ... easy to forget when I'm in panic mode. Terrible terrible to think it, but whatever I may be going through at any particular time, it can always be worse .. best to concentrate on the cup half full ..

[TaDa!]

February 4, 2008

So I really pushed it yesterday at the track, trying to outpace a guy who, essentially, runs the exact same speed as I do. I did well, but definitely felt sore after my entire long workout ~ 1hr 20min, not including stretching ... and then ... I could not get the car up my driveway. The snow was just a couple of inches, but it was really slippery stuff. I fell a few times while shoveling and salting and at one point thought I might have broken my wrist (Thank God I didn't have an additional 100 pounds falling on top of it!!!).

So needless to say, I am beyond sore this morning with the extra shoveling - blah - but am heading to the gym anyhow. I think I'm going to just jog - a 10 minute mile - and then do the rest of the regular workout. I hope that I don't feel enticed into a faster pace, lol! I find sometimes when I tire myself out too much with the sports, it can set me up for a binge later on .. I get tired and weak, want to be in bed, when I have to make meals for the family, etc etc and for some reason, I feel that shoveling excess food in my mouth is comforting ??!!!

As for getting back on track, I 've decided not to weigh myself until my jeans feel right on me - it's as good a method as any, I think! Knowing my exact weight will not affect my food or exercise. It only starts to get me obsessing and worrying unecessarily. Weigh-ins are fine when I am maintaining, but not helpful when I know I am carrying a few extra pounds.

I'm going to eat just below my maintenance level at 2000 calories 80 net carbs - which is simple normal eating for me, just no extras - and my weight will eventually get back to my favorite weight of 128. What a cool thing to be able to monitor my weight by my jeans, lol! Something the skinny folks take for granted - but something I have had to actually learn ..

[debbiedo]

don't do two hard runs in a row. Take it easy today. recovery is important. I did a speed workout yesterday and I am not running today. I will run tomorrow but it will be an easy run and same with Friday. There should be only one speed workout a week. You could do some tempo but it isn't as hard or fast.

take it easy on yourself. Lots of falls and broken bones here and we don't even have much snow but there is melting and refreezing and people fall.

I do that where I won't weigh until I have been eating right for like a week.I am in the not weighing and not eating right phase right now and I have to get back on track. Maybe I will join you in the process. I don't count carbs but have to cut out eating my son's dry cereal and occasional cookies.

[NWLoser]

Pauline.

You are always so honest in your journal. I like the idea of using jeans to gauge weight instead of the scale. There have been days when I have been so upset by the scale that I go on an eating frenzy. I hope I have that conquered for awhile. But it could rear its ugly head at any time.

Hope your friends are doing okay and that you take care of yourself.

[TaDa!]

Debbie .. sounds familiar!!!! lol!!! I've had to go off the excess night cheerio-munching myself, lol!!! (at least they are whole grain, right?!). Feel free to join me! lol!!!

Thanks Dianne ... I feel if I'm not honest in my journal, I am only cheating myself .. it's actually ... well ... liberating to have a nice place to confess all, lol! As far as the jeans thing, it really puts my mind at ease .. to know I can just live well and not worry about the scale and everything will fall into place

[TaDa!]

February 5, 2009

I toned it down yesterday at the gym (ever so slightly, lol!) and I am still tired and a bit sore .. so I may tone it down even more today .. ha! we'll see what happens when I get there!

I am on an online mission to find a flapper / 20s style dress for my 8 year old. She's going to be singing "My Heart Belongs to Daddy" in the school variety show. I've re-written the lyrics to make it work for an 8 year old and it is adorable - she really belts it out. I have to choreograph the act, but I want to get her "costume" first.

She has red hair and it is already cut in a 20s-style inverted bob .. longish at the front, short in back (that's her regular hairstyle - suits the fiery personality) and I'm hoping to find a 20's style or cocktail dress for her to wear with a feather boa we can use a little in the choreography ...

It seems like anyone who is anyone has sung a version of this song .. ella fizgerald, lena horne, marilyn monroe, cher, eartha kitt (lol!) but here's one from 1939 by Valaida Snow (my dd's version is a faster tempo with jazzy, but more modern instrumentals):

www. youtube. com/watch?v=CfdW2A2_Itg
(lose the spaces after each . to bring this up in your browser)

some of the rewrtitten lyrics:

When some boy scout invites me out
Even a fine [insert school name] laddie
I might adore when he holds the door
But my heart belongs to Daddy

Some girls at school, they like to fool
They're too old for bedtime stories
But truth be told, you can't be too old
When your heart belongs to Daddy

Sooo ... If anyone comes across a dress or feather boas in their online travels, let me know!

[msmoon]

Hiya Pauline, you are not only honest in your journal but you are well thought out and give incredible support where and when needed to those that are still searching/struggling. We know you are a fellow sojourner who knows the road behind has lead you to where you are today which is a place of triumphant success albeit it continues to have it's own style of hairpin turns as well has valley and peaks. Thank you for your time and thoughts.
Like you and Diane, I find my clothes are a great gauge, but for a while now I have been venturing on the scales once every two weeks. When I started my exercise regime in earnest I decided I would match how many rep's I did to the amount of weight I had lost. First weigh in was 5 pounds lost so I did five rep's of my seven different varied movements which are mostly made up of Pilate moves followed by some yoga and meditation. Believe me when I say in the beginning I was thrilled to only do five of each because I was in such bad shape. Before long that grew to 10 lost, 15, 20, and so on and now I am pushing toward 60 but I'm still at 50 and will be for how every long it takes me to get to two pounds this side of 60. If I don't loose anything, I stay put and only move up the 5 increment notch if I am 2 pounds away from it. Not every two weeks there was enough of a change to move up but I have taken that in stride knowing it will happen if I just work at it. Imagine that I keep thinking, I am doing 50 rep's of my 7 sets now when I could barely do 5 not so very long ago. What I am learning is the scales have their place with me and I am happy they are a part of my workout now. Having said that, when I reach goal I plan to ditch the scales but not the workout. I know one thing about this journey, it is forever changing and presenting new challenges and I suspect the last hurled that will last forever is maintenance. I hope I can meet the challenge well.....as well as you and others.
Many hugs to you and many thanks for your support.

[Glamour P!]

Hi -

Can I just say Wow! You look like a completely different person. Can't believe you did it as a vegetarian too! I started on Sunday properly, and am doing it as a vegetarian. I don't take fish. I'd be grateful if you have any ideas or advice please throw them my way, am still learning and trying. I have Rose Elliots book and am trying to follow it. Some things don't suit me too well, so have to tweak and adapt. Struggling without sugar - just a sweet tooth really.
Congratulations on all your success and you really are such an inspiration, along with many others on this site...
G x

[TaDa!]

Mavis Wow You really have come so far!!! I definitely play games like that with my workouts and it does work to motivate. 50 sets of 7 is quite a lot!!! Maybe at some point you could add some additional moves rather than upping reps. Amazing you can do so many reps!!!!! Congratulations!!!

Your method with the scale sounds perfect. I know when I was in "full speed ahead" weightloss mode, that waiting 2 weeks to weigh myself would have been very very difficult for me!!! It is so good to see you here!

Pauline

Hey Glamour P! My dh is from Ireland .. Cavan ... Actually my before picture was taken there, after losing my first 10 pounds in '03, lol! .. I almost died when I saw the picture. As far as advice on lowcarbing vegetarian, it is definitely different to do it in Ireland (I imagine it is much the same in the North as far as availability in the stores, etc).

What is it in Rose Elliott's book that you find most difficult? The one thing in there, as with all cookbooks, that doesn't work for me is that the recipes are simply too much work as I am also cooking for my family 3 times a day, lol! I do use quite a few vegetarian convenience foods, although I have started to make my own vegetarian burgers, meatballs, fake ground meat, etc. to save money in this economy (I'll be posting the recipes soon - they use TVP).

From what I recall in Ireland from the supermarket and the health food stores I have shopped, you have some different convenience foods available - you can find quorn pre-made meals, and plain quorn to cook with at the supermarket in the frozen section, tofu and nuts at the health food store, etc.

As far as sugar, I do eat sugarfree sweets and have done for the past 6 years. I have never looked for splenda or other sweeteners over there, as that was an easy item to bring with me, but I am sure there are some you can use.

From the beginning, I would eat a sugarfree protein bar at breakfast. I now bake flax muffins with splenda that I eat as well. Also, the best sugarfree chocolate I ever had was in Ireland .. They are diabetic chocolate bars - come 5 or 6 bars in a little blue box called Corolle Diabetic. They are 3 carb total after subtracting the maltitol.

People on here would be very unimpressed with me touting the sugarfree sweets, but I really feel that we have to make this liveable if we're going to continue through to goal and maintenance ...

[Glamour P!]

We're actually up in Belfast! Wish I was in the States! My grandparents are there, and I just really dislike it here! LoL! Its a relief to hear an experienced LCarber say that its different to do LC here because of the lack of availability. There are LC websites, but they charge a fortunes on products and postage is exorbitant! I do eat a fair bit of Quorn. I don't know what it is about some of Rose E's recipes, but some I find not tasty at all, and some have made me feel a little odd. I'm also going thru some health stuff at the mo so its all adding to it you know. And you are right some take too much work - a wee bit longer than she may suggest KWIM? Please post your recipes - gosh they sound delish! So I take it you live in the States? My hubby is Irish too! Trying to convince him to move but er...its taking time. Also he has a specialised career here, and I'm not working or studying as I have been in and out of hospital and am now awaiting more surgery! Anyway I digress :blush:
I'm so thankful that you "touted" sugarfree sweets makes me feel more human!! I shall be looking out for the Corolle products.
Thanks so much for getting back to me. Can't wait to be where you are!!
G xoxox

[msmoon]

Pauline, thanks so much for the good cheer. I have to say it is difficult to NOT weigh myself and for that reason I have my hubby hide the scales and only when the two weeks are up are they brought out and then they go back in to hiding. I made the realisation a long time ago that I am a obsessive compulsive kinda gal so I am glad he is sweet enough to help me out and has put up with the occasional whine about "honey where might those scales be, I need to see how much I've lost"! Sadly I have to admit I have gone hunting for them on a few occasions.:blush: Yeah, I can laugh now because I don't feel the need to hunt for them as much as I did in the beginning.....well sort of.
I too was thinking a few nights back that I should add some additional moves. The seven I do are a good overall workout but gawd, I don't know if I'll be able to do 80-90 of them (my goal to loose 80-90 pounds) so I might keep it at 50 and add more just to keep me motivated and challenged. I say I am not sure if it's 80-90 because I want to see how I feel and look at 80 and if 90 looks like it might suit me better, I'll move on but if not, I'll stick at 80 and be happy.
Good to see you here as well. We all missed you.
Big wave to Gamour P! Stay the course and you'll get there. If I can do it....anyone can!!!
Oh and....we are the veggie folks united!!! We need a flag!

[TaDa!]

Glamour P Yah, I didn't like all the recipes either .. One other piece of advice is to eat a lot more vegetables than DANDR prescribes - assuming you're over induction, right? My veggies in a single day: 1/2 lb of brussel sprouts, 1/2 lb spinach or cabbage, 3-4 celery stalks. I really think that as long as you're eating vegetables that are lower glycemic (no potatoes or corn obviously), we veggies should eat more of those to keep us happy One thing I loved about Ireland, was being able to go to a chinese and asking them to serve me a stir fry over fried mung beans (in lieu of rice) and that is actually one thing I do a lot - that is, to eat the usual vegetarian dish, say a pasta-style dish, tomato sauce with cheese, or a cheese sauce, or a pesto sauce, or a stir fry, or a mushroom tofu stroganoff over a bed of vegetable like spinach or really anything you like and that has served me well, since prior to lc'ing that is mostly how I would eat, some savory concoction over rice or pasta ... Just a thought for you ...

Oh Mavis .. we could be long lost sisters, lol!!!! The other night, dh came up from the mailbox (we have a loooooong driveway - we live in the woods), and looked at me kinda funny, handed me a package ... At a certain point when I was a little out of control, I had taken to hiding my protein bars in the mailbox, so I wouldn't eat them all at once, lol!!! Needless to say, he thought it confirmed my insanity .... lol!

[TaDa!]

February 6, 2009

I just absolutely love not weighing myself and not thinking about my weight. It is so much easier for me to be in weightloss mode than it is for me to be in maintenance mode. It is easy when I have non-hunger urges to eat, to just tell myself "No, you've had enough to eat today. You shouldn't be hungry when you eat 2000 calories." And when I think I am really hungry, eat something negligible like extra veggies.

The problem arises for me when I am in maintenance mode and I know I am burning close to 2500 calories a day (with exercise included). I just haven't found an easy menu formula really, so I eat the usual 2000 and then try to follow my hunger for the extra so my weight does not go down too far. It just doesn't work tho' because I don't question binge urges. I eat because I can. It does not satiate me because it is not tummy hunger and I end up binge eating.

So I've had a great week and am happy not thinking about weight or hunger or anything else. I need to task myself - yet again! - with figuring out a better maintenance menu that is more rigid as I seem to do well with rigidity. It freaks most people out. They hate counting this, that or the other. I like it. It makes me feel secure and comforts me to know **exactly** what to eat and to come up with a menu of food I totally like.

Weird, but I don't have to please anyone else with what I do, just myself.

[msmoon]

Originally Posted by TaDa!

[B]
Oh Mavis .. we could be long lost sisters, lol!!!! The other night, dh came up from the mailbox (we have a loooooong driveway - we live in the woods), and looked at me kinda funny, handed me a package ... At a certain point when I was a little out of control, I had taken to hiding my protein bars in the mailbox, so I wouldn't eat them all at once, lol!!! Needless to say, he thought it confirmed my insanity .... lol!

That's hilarious! We live in the woods too and have a long driveway with a mailbox at the entrance....never thought of hiding food there before now!

[TaDa!]

Originally Posted by msmoon

That's hilarious! We live in the woods too and have a long driveway with a mailbox at the entrance....never thought of hiding food there before now!

Just have to make sure not to leave it in there when you have the flag up for the postman to mail a letter

[TaDa!]

February 7, 2009

Well, here is the first of the lowcarb vegetarian "meat" recipes I have come up with in the last few months.

Vegetarian TVP Taco “Meat”
Approximately 4 – 6 servings = 1 pound ground beef in recipes

Ingredients:

• small onion chopped (6 net carbs)
• 1 green pepper chopped (4 net carbs)
• 2 tbsp olive or vegetable oil
• 2 cups TVP (24 net carbs)
• 2 – 2.5 cups hot boiling water
• 2 tbsp soy sauce
• 2 tbsp worcestershire sauce **
• 1 package taco seasoning (24 net carbs)
• 1/2 cup salsa (5 net carbs)

** Worcestershire sauce is not vegetarian, but there are vegetarian worcestershire sauces available or you can use something like nutritional yeast, or extra soy sauce for flavor.

Preparation:

Measure out the 2 cups of tvp into a large bowl.

Now, Pour 2 – 2.5 cups of hot water into your measuring cup, and add the soy and worcestershire sauce directly to the water. You want to soak the tvp so that it gets reconstituted, so pour the water mixture right into the tvp and mix well. This should now sit for a few minutes.

Sautee chopped onion and green pepper in the olive oil until soft. Add the TVP mixture to the onion / pepper mixture and stir well. Add in the taco seasoning and allow to cook for another 5 minutes on low heat.

Just before using, stir in ½ cup of salsa. You are now ready to use in any mexican-style recipe that calls for ground beef with taco seasoning.

Entire Recipe: Calories: 963, Net Carbs*: 70, Fat: 14.7 grams, Protein: 99 gm

*24 of the net carbs are from the taco seasoning, so if you choose to make this as plain ground beef, you decrease the net carbs considerably!

Notes:

My favorite way to use this is in Linda Sue’s recipe for Mexican Spinach Lasagna here:

Linda's Low Carb Menus & Recipes

I skip the onion in Linda Sue’s recipe since the Veg TVP Taco “Meat” already includes it. I also skip the homemade lowcarb taco seasoning because I am at Maintenance and am a lazy cook, but a lowcarber could always use that recipe of Linda’s as well in order to bring the carb count down.

Other ideas:

Ground Meat - Do not use the salsa or taco seasoning in the recipe (so the net carbs for the entire recipe come down to 41) and sautee/brown in oil in the last step. Use as a substitute for ground beef in any of Linda Sue's recipes calling for ground meat.

Taco Salad- eat over a bed of salad with chopped tomato, shredded cheddar, avocado or guacamole

Burrito - Wrap ingredients from Taco Salad into a lowcarb pita or other lc wrap or tortilla product

Mexican Omelette - Omelette with Taco Meat, cheddar and chopped tomato filling

One important thing to note is that anytime a vegetarian protein source is substituted for meat in a recipe, the carb count will be higher for the total recipe.