TaDa! The Lifelong Journey!!

[TaDa!]

Septermber 19, 2008

I had been having a twinge in my back - near my shoulder blade for about a week and a half and really thought nothing about it. Then on Tuesday I was stretching after cardio - legs overhead to stretch my lower back and hamstrings - I moved my shoulder somehow and felt something "let go" and I couldn't get up without excruciating pain ... Turns out I tore a back muscle and have been on codeine since. Had a lot of trouble sleeping, etc. and the damn stuff gave me some potty issues too.

That night - before I could get to a doctor - I went and binged. And no, it did not make me feel any better. But I got past it this week and am back 100% on track. Despite the best intentions, I also did not make it to the gym yesterday due to the pain, the codeine space-out effect, etc.

Anyhow, I finally slept through the night last night and am going to try and go off the codeine - just stick with the ibuprofen and see how I do. Today is official weigh-in day and my weight is up to 131 - not surprising all considered - and not a big deal! Still at goal weight. Messes up my whole "How to maintain a specific weight" experiment, but no biggie ... back to life as usual ...

[quizzical1]

Hey Pauline,

I am so sorry to hear aout your back. No worries on the binge, onwards and upwards.

The stirfry sounds yum
Cxx

[beachguy]

We have to put up with same problems as everyone else plus those that come from having a weight problem. Just doesn't seem fair does it? Try icy-hot patch for your back. Put one on before going to bed.

[TaDa!]

Awww Thanks Guys!!! Yah Rich, I was surprised bengay actually feels good on it, lol!!! Doing pretty well today actually Pauline

[TaDa!]

September 19, 2008 Evening

I did well today - made it to the gym. I decided not to run at all and stay lower impact just to spare my back and shoulder. I took ibuprofen in the morning but stayed off the codeine and ibuprofen the whole rest of the day with very little pain, so I am very happy about that!!!

I tried a new vegetable - Chayote, a sweet squash from Mexico. It was really good. I stir fried in butter with garlic a little salt and chopped green onion. The texture was crisp like a water chestnut and the flavor was somewhere between potato and apple .. although my 12 year old insisted it tastes like zucchini. DH who is from Ireland, claims that it tasted nothng like a potato, but if suddenly potatoes were eradicated from the face of the earth, he might consider it a potato substitute -- this from the man who thinks mashed cauli is indistinguishable from mashed potatoes ...

[TaDa!]

September 21, 2008

It's only been two days and I am down 2 of the pounds to 129 .. it really was water, etc. It's funny how every time this happens, I still have those sneaking doubts that I am on that inexorable journey back up the scale. I guess I need a few more years of this before I believe I am really here!

On another note, I am so excited!!!!! Dh painted more than half the house yesterday and finally finally finally, our house is looking normal. Also the boxwood hedge I planted five or so years ago is matured to a point where I can start shaping the topiary finials I am doing at certain points ... it'll take another two or three years before the shapes fill in, but it already is looking really good!!! Also the teeny tiny variegated euonymous hedge I am doing around a tree I planted is looking better too now that I braided the little tree and started training it into a standard.

It's weird, I have been ashamed of my house for so long that I think it has had an effect on my self-esteem too and I feel like I am personally changing all that - amazing how stupid simple things like that can affect a person so much ...

Anyhow, the weekend is going really well so far!!!

[GardenGirl639]

Pauline,

I'm so sorry to hear about your back. I'm glad that you are making a speedy recovery. Back issues are the worst!

Your yard projects sound wonderful. Gardening is so good for the soul! I have a little sign hanging by my back door that says "You can bury a lot of troubles in the dirt." What color is your house?

[TaDa!]

It's split cedar shingle - a big ranch house - and so we are painting it the dark brown ... some idiot had painted 3 sides of it a light blue and it looked really really tacky, lol!! As if, someone wanted it to morph into a different house shape by painting it the color you'd paint a colonial - there were a lot of really weird things when we moved in, that we had to change ... Looking very normal now, lol!!!! Thank God above! (and dh and me for flipping out on him on my birthday)

[TaDa!]

September 22, 2008

Down another pound to 128 ... OK, no more weighing until Friday!

If I look at the summer - from June to September:

Highest weight: 132.75
Lowest Weight: 127.75

and the highest was one day when I had PMS ... so, doing pretty good on Maintenance with two caveats:

- still have stress-induced and PMS-induced binge episodes
- still working on keeping weight at an even level as it still trends downward ... 4 actual pounds down in 4 months
- Feeling confused about goal weight again ... I'm kinda liking 128 and thinking about changing the range to 128-133 ... Still just thinking on that though ...

On the good side, during this time:

- Had my highschool reunion where I overate
- Toughest time of year - 3 weeks at my parents at the beach, typical binge time
- Went on a one week all-inclusive (food and drink) vacation, enjoyed the food without tracking it, did not exercise (!!) and only went up 2 pounds
- Most importantly, I enjoyed all those times and did not deprive myself. I just made good choices 95% of the time.

[WATCH-ME-SHRINK]

Originally Posted by TaDa!

........ so, doing pretty good on Maintenance with two caveats:

- still have stress-induced and PMS-induced binge episodes

Pauline,

If you ever come up with the magic formula to OVERCOME this lovely curse, would you mind letting me in on it?

On a positive note, I think you're doing fantastic. You look marvelous! You should be so proud of the progress you've made. You've embraced maintenance with courage and affirmation. Good for you!

[TaDa!]

Thanks so much Twyla!! I do realize that this is just probably a normal part of life for me and it is comforting that I can maintain despite the uncontrollable days ... really makes me feel that a binge does not have to spell the end of Cinderella's night out which is very very cool!!!!!

September 24, 2008 Morning

I finally donated a nice coat that is much too big for me - I know that they will give it to someone who really needs it ... I am still keeping one that is somewhat too big because I like it, lol!!! But I guess it will also get donated at some point. It is my "very cold but not below zero coat" lol!

Today is my new-ish exercise rest day and I am going to go shopping for a few things I need. I had to get rid of almost all my shoes due to the foot issue and my cold weather ones are ok, but just do not feel as good for my foot as the easy spirit and earth spirit ones that have a padded footbed and are the right heel. I also need a new down coat - mine is too large, and it sheds white feathers all over everything I wear (also on the donate pile once I replace it this Fall!).

Usually by the time I go looking for things like that, there is nothing left in the stores!! I don't know why I have always made myself buy clearance stuff that didn't always look the best on me .. I didn't really treat myself very well - like I didn't deserve nice things because I was fat. I have seen big girls like me dress very very nicely, nice shoes, beautiful tailored clothing, manicures, makeup, nice purses ... but me, I always wore whatever I could find that I thought hid me as much as humanly possible ... It has taken a loooong time for me to feel I deserve to look my best ..

[TaDa!]

September 26, 2008

Well I've gone down some more to 127.75 even though I have dropped down to 4 workouts a week, taking out my most calorie-burning workout.

Goal Range: 130-135
Sep 05 ... 130.00
Sep 12 ... 128.50
Sep 21 ... 129.00
Sep 26 ... 127.75

And, despite some binges and social events every month, I have gone down 3.5 pounds in the last three months.

Jun Average ... 132.00
Jul Average ... 131.75
Aug Average ... 129.25
Sep Average ... 128.75

So now I have to think about what I want to do further so as not to lose any more weight. All my new pants are quite loose and I do not like it at all. My options are:

* add another 200 calories a day
* go down to 3 workouts a week

I'd really love to lose another workout, lol! but am going to try the calorie thing first, I think. I am thinking to add a whey protein shake (powder + glass of milk) starting tomorrow and see what happens next week!

[TaDa!]

September 27, 2008

The National Weight Control Registry National Weight Control Registry was started to study how people successfully maintain a weightloss. They are tracking 5000 people and studying ther behaviours in order to determine what makes them successful at weight control.

One interesting result of their research is that most of the successful maintainers do so on a lowfat regimen and I think it is important to let the researchers know that there are a lot of us out here successfully maintaining weightloss on high fat regimens (I am at 50% fat intake now - down from about 65%). I decided that it was time for me to register and let them know what has been working for me as a successful lowcarber considering that I have kept off 75 of the 100+ pounds I have lost for four years now.

On the website is an interesting compilation of the results of their tracking so far. Here are a few of them:

*The "average" woman is 45 with a current weight of 145 lbs, while the "average" man is 49 with a current weight of 190 lbs.

* 45% of registry participants lost the weight on their own and the other 55% lost weight with the help of some type of program.

* 98% modified their food intake in some way to lose weight.

* 94% increased physical activity, with the most frequently reported form of activity being walking.

* There is variety in how NWCR members keep the weight off. Most report continuing to maintain a low calorie, low fat diet and doing high levels of activity.

* 78% eat breakfast every day.

* 75% weigh them self at least once a week.

* 62% watch less than 10 hours of TV per week.

* 90% exercise, on average, about 1 hour per day.

In addition is a list of research studies that have been based on the participants in the registry. I think it is really cool that a group is taking the time to study ths subject which is so so so important to us here!!!!!!

I think this information is crucial for those of us losing weight right now and trying to peg down Maintenance ... If we know now what makes successful weight control, I think it will help us mold our expectations of this journey and know what we need to start working on right now in order to ensure that we are successful in the long run.

Any of us can go on a medically supervised fast and lose the actual weight, but we do not set in place the lifestyle that ensures success. We here (well most of us I am guessing, lol!) are not doing extreme measures to get to goal weight and as long as we are here on this long journey, we may as well instill those habits and behaviours that will mean the most chance of success ... and look, here they are online for anyone to see.

OK, it's not rocket science. These are the principles everyone has been taught are "common wisdom," but have we really taken to heart the fact that this is what you do your whole life once the weight is gone? I don't think we have, if you take into consideration that only a very very small percentage of people who lose weight manage to keep it off.

I damn well intend to be one of them. How about you?

[Joycelyn]

Hi Pauline, I haven't posted for a while, but since I'm back I thought I'd ask you about being vegetarian. Pauline I went vegan to deal with some health issues and felt great for a while. I thought I'd found the holy grail! But it was a downhill slide from there. My doctor warned me to get some high quality protein in me or I'd end up hospitalized.

Pauline, are you lacto ovo? Do you eat dairy or are you vegan/fish eating? I am eating a lot of dairy now (yogurt, whey protein, etc.) along with meat and fish and feel so much better. But I do want to cut back on the meats. I hope you don't mind me asking.

You have been so successful with this way of eating, I'm just wondering how strict you are with being vegetarian. Keep up the good work Pauline. I said it once a long time ago and I'll say it again. You need to write a book. Your journaling is beyond excellent.

[Joycelyn]

oops, never mind Pauline. I reread parts of your journal. Yes, of course you eat dairy!

[TaDa!]

No problem Joycelyn! I pretty much eat dairy, soy, eggs daily now - fish, nuts and beans much less often ... just because I cook for 4 with varying needs and I kind of put my culinary needs on the backburner, lol!!

I have eaten as a vegetarian + fish for about 30 years .. and only five of those on lowcarb, but I find it very easy to do, ya just do the same as the meat-eaters do. I'm happy to help with any info I might be able to pass on, just ask!

Pauline

[PalmTreeGal]

Pauline, does it make you nuts carefully calculating out calories in and calories out? You don't find that simply managing your carbs keeps things under control? I think you have said before that you don't really have an "off" switch as far as your appetite so maybe that's why you find calorie-counting essential. Personally I get obsessive and then get sick of carefully counting everything (even carbs) and then tend to go off plan. Right now I'm losing okay without counting, just trying to keep portion sizes reasonable and not eat snacks out of boredom. I expect to have to count down the road and am dreading it!

[TaDa!]

Mandy, I would have thought it would make me nuts to count calories, but I have come up with a way to count calories which is fairly painless - part of it is pre-planning what I will eat every day, ad part of it is having regular meals of certain sizes ... Thing is, when you are trying to lose weight, you are aiming at a big target ... like 50 pounds less, and the calorie difference between maintaining that current weight and your goal weight is relatively big .. as you get closer it is smaller and on Maintenance, well, there is no difference.

It is great you are able to lose weight with eating reasonable portions and just counting carbs!!!! You are training yourself how to eat properly - like a thin person - and I'd say you have a really really good chance of being able to continue on that way come goal. Your path is the ideal one, I would say!!!

I recently went on an 8-day vacation and could not count calories or carbs. I also tried just to eat reasonably, but did indulge in alcoholic drinks. I gained 2 pounds - water weight - but that is pretty darn good on vacation ... and I would say I am also on a path to that same place of reasonable eating ... just that it is taking me calorie-counting to learn to get there ...

I like your path better ... Don't worry about how far you'll be able to get in this manner. Just keep on doing what works! You are doing Great!!!!!

[Joycelyn]

Pauline, you have my admiration for being able to count calories, even if you've simplified it. I followed Weight Watchers for many years from their food exchange plan up through their fat and fiber plan, and ultimately points where you can basically eat ANYTHING, as you long as you count the points. I was successful for many years, but when I was in my 40's and counting points, eating too many carbs and a lot of junk within my point range, my blood sugar really started going out of whack and I knew in my heart I just couldn't count anything anymore. Along with messing with my blood sugar, counting points made me too neurotic. At that point and with perimenopause to boot, my weight really took a downturn...er, UPturn. I have gone from a thin 120 pounds to obesity. My ideal weight is 140. This is a realistic, healthy BMI for me.

Pauline your fortitude and determination to lose all your weight and keep it off are very inspiring. Weight loss is such a struggle for so many of us. I have success in many areas of my life, but not with weight loss. I am on a plan I feel I can live with, after being on 2000 diets these last several years. I lost 3.5 lbs. last week, so I feel it's finally a start. I am finally sticking to something. And I question why I've spent too long a time not taking my health seriously.

Thanks for sharing your story with everyone Pauline. Paying it forward is the only way to go.

[TaDa!]

I am glad you have found something that you feel good doing that is also working for you Joycelyn! Thank you for your kind words Pauline

[TaDa!]

September 29, 2008

I am liking this weight.

I am liking this amount of exercise.

And I am liking this amount of food.

I am getting a new and strong feeling of normalcy, the feeling that I can absolutely continue on this way indefinitely. It's a great feeling!

[momov2boys]

Originally Posted by TaDa!

September 29, 2008

I am liking this weight.

I am liking this amount of exercise.

And I am liking this amount of food.

I am getting a new and strong feeling of normalcy, the feeling that I can absolutely continue on this way indefinitely. It's a great feeling!

[PalmTreeGal]

Originally Posted by TaDa!

September 29, 2008

I am liking this weight.

I am liking this amount of exercise.

And I am liking this amount of food.

I am getting a new and strong feeling of normalcy, the feeling that I can absolutely continue on this way indefinitely. It's a great feeling!

Woohoo!

[TaDa!]

Thanks Guys

September 30, 2008

I'm very happy with the two changes I've made in the last couple of weeks and am hoping I still maintain having taken out one exercise day and added in some additional food (a whey protein shake made with milk) ... I should know more after I weigh in this week (except that I can feel the water weight of PMS starting, so we'll see ...).

One thing that really screws me up - on weightloss and maintenance - is weighing myself daily ... sometimes twice daily ... It gets me fixated on my weight and no good ever comes of it!! So, I have been really good this week and last week and am hoping to continue that way. None of the little tweaks I have done would ever make me gain huge amounts of weight in a week, so really I have no need to do daily monitoring when I have made a change like these ... Friday weigh-ins should be adequate!!

(This week I will probably weigh-in twice. Once on Wednesday morning for official "end of the month" and then on Friday for my usual Friday weigh-in.)

I am much happier and just able to live my life when I do not have to worry about my weight, what I will eat, when I will exercise, whether going to a resturant is going to mess things up, etc etc etc .. and I feel like all these "worries" are being taken care of ... all I have to do is follow the guidelines I have set out for myself as I have been doing these past months and all will be well. And that has just become second nature at this point!

It's all good!

[TaDa!]

October 3, 2008

My weight is down again, to 126.375, a loss of over a pound this week and I am just really surprised. This past week I added in a 200 calorie / 13 net carb addition in an attempt to keep my weight from dropping further. The week prior to that I had taken out one (the most strenuous) of my 5 workouts ..

Goal Range: 130-135

Jun Average ... 132.00
Jul Average ... 131.75
Aug Average ... 129.25
Sep Average ... 128.75

Today ... Oct 03 ... 126.37

I made a big point of not weighing myself in between Friday weigh-ins this week and so now I am just sitting here unsure of what to do next. I really was sure I would not have had any kind of big drop and well, at this stage of the game, 1.25 pounds in a single week is a big drop. Time for an additional change.

I am thinking of dropping to three workouts a week - M, W, F? When I dropped workout #5, my other four workouts became just much higher intensity workouts, so maybe, in effect, I've changed nothing?

If I can maintain at this level of food and exercise with the occasional splurge (the next change, I guess if my weight keeps dropping), I will be satisfied.

I am unhappy that my weight has fallen below 128 though. I think I like that weight and may change "goal weight range" to 128-133. Such a bizarre problem to have. If I didn't feel that estranged from my weightloss buddies before this, I certainly do now. I can understand why a lot of folks on maintenance don't stick around the boards.

[PalmTreeGal]

This must feel so strange. On one hand you are petrified that you will gain it all back, but the reality is that you keep losing despite your efforts to stabilize. I can't sympathize with you as I've never been there but it sounds frustrating. To be honest, if it were me I would probably let my weight keep drifting down as I have a hard time believing I could be "too thin." Not really a healthy mindset.

[TaDa!]

Mandy - That is exactly the thing I want to combat. It is too easy to drift into eating disorder territory, with the "less-is-more" attitude. I've had that attitude my whole life - naturally because I was always obese and doctors, parents, everyone encouraged that. It is very hard to dig out of that place - but I have to if I want to be healthy - mentally and physically. Truth be told, there is a skinny that is not attractive and I know I get there when I weigh about 123 ... It is worth finding that place, but more important to take a reality check and back away from it when it is not right for you as an individual even if it still is within healthy BMI ... my two cents

October 7, 2008

I binged on Friday night, a mighty real one - a combination of TOM, wine and these thoughts rattling around my head. My weight is back to pre-binge weight which is good. No more weighing until Friday morning. Today is a non-gym day so I am going to do some chores around the house that will be more difficult to do come Winter - repair a stone walkway - re-cement it - and try and dig out three garden beds that are eyesores of weeds right now. If I get these done, i will be much happier when I come in the front door, or have guests in.

I am really excited about having extra days to get these types of things done now that I am giving myself sanction to accept that I am on Maintenance and do not need to be a weightloss machine anymore.

Even with a terrible binge Friday night - I swear I had a food hangover for two days - my weight is back to Friday morning weigh-in weight, so I suspect my current changes are fine for Maintenance - which is very exciting for me. Whether this will keep my weight from going down further is another matter. I am finally getting it into my head that I am obviously below my CCLM, or ACE, as Dr. Atkins termed it in later books and that adding more carbs to my usual daily food will be the only way to stop losing.

Why I forget all about Atkins when I get to this point is mystifying!! lol!! I should be adding in more CARBS in increments of 10 net carbs. The science behind Atkins does tell us that lowcarbers can eat more calories ... the really nice thing would be that I can simply go back down to this carb level if I want to splurge for a meal or just eat more some day or something ... Friday, for the whole day was: 3600 calories, 140 net carbs. Currently my carbs are at 85 net carbs. My CCLM/ACE is likely somewhere in between those two numbers.

[momov2boys]

Originally Posted by TaDa!

It is too easy to drift into eating disorder territory, with the "less-is-more" attitude.
...It is very hard to dig out of that place - but I have to if I want to be healthy - mentally and physically.

...there is a skinny that is not attractive and I know I get there when I weigh about 123 ...
It is worth finding that place, but more important to take a reality check and back away from it when it is not right for you as an individual even if it still is within healthy BMI ...

I can relate to your experience.
You continue to inspire me, Pauline.


KUTGW toward being healthy.
You're doing a great job!

[TaDa!]

Thanks Rebecca

October 7, 2008 Evening

OK .. I just had to share my dad's smiley face:

(:-})

hee hee

looks just like him!!

[TaDa!]

October 8, 2008

I am really liking working out only three times a week. I really hope and pray that this is ok!!!! I feel happier to go workout, and happy to be at the gym, or out running when I do. I have more energy and feel stronger when I am working out with a minimum rest day between sessions. It really is just great!

I saw a male friend of mine I hadn't seen in about a month at the gym today and, out of the blue, he told me to stop losing weight ... Yep, I do have to stop this! And have given a little more thought to the next change. Depending on Friday's weigh-in, I'll either stay at this level for everything for another week, or will do a more carby add in daily ... beans, bananas, or sweet potato fries are all options if and when I do go the carb add-in route ....

It really is a test not to weight myself tonight and every day til Friday to try and second-guess my Friday weigh-in, but I know it is just not good for my mental health and I am going to just say No!!!!! lol!!!