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Old 07-28-2008, 09:46 AM   #691
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I agree with you on the Dan Brown issue. I'm in the middle of my book club selection now, but I can't wait to finish because next I'm going to read "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao" by Junot Diaz. Have you read it? I've heard the Diaz book is amazing.

Glad your plantar and heel pain is gone. It's great that you found a solution. I have a fried who gave up running completely (she bikes now) because of her foot pain. My pain rears its head when I overdo it, or play tennis or other jarring activities.

This is day 7 on the plan and it's going just fine. I'm a cynic, so I won't profess that "I'm changed for life." But I'm also stubborn. And as long as I'm not dying of sugar deprivation (sometimes I feel I am), I'll keep on track. And I'm so inspired by the strength and courage from all the posters, including yours, that I'm in there swinging meal-to-meal. Love it that you've worked in a couple glasses of wine. I'm going to try and figure that in too.
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Old 07-28-2008, 04:38 PM   #692
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I haven't read that SloAs, but will check it out! Glad to hear the plan is still going strong for you! Definitely be careful with something like alcohol and wait until you are solid .. it takes down your defenses and you can easily start eating badly if you are not very careful! lol!!

July 28, 2008 C

The tirades continue, lol! Can I rant just a little bit? I see a lot of people talking about food as "the" entertainment of a particular activity. I totally believe we should like what we eat and not eat what we do not like, but some of the intense focus on food is disturbing, and well, gives me this sense that it falls into the category of disordered eating. I was very obsessive over my food when I was 100+ pounds overweight. Part of healing was to change my relationship with food, how I view food, not just what I put in my mouth. I think, it too, is non-negotiable if a person ever wants to move on from obesity.

OK, back to our normally-scheduled program ...

I am still trying to figure out what exactly constitutes Maintenance .. that fine balance of eating and exercise and my metabolism that allows me to stay between 130-135 pounds. ****** was able to give me the following figures:

..............................Cals Burned.....Cals Eaten........Ave Weight

The past week..............2173 ......... 2030 / 78 ......... 130.84

The past 2 weeks.........2192 ......... 2170 / 87 ......... 131.50

The past month.............2191 ......... 2111 / 83 ......... 132.00

The past 2 months............................................ .... 132.20

The past 3 months............................................ .... 133.50

So, it looks like my calories eaten / burned are in the right ballpark and I'm guessing that's as much as a person can hope to figure out. Still, it looks like I am still losing weight very slowly and can afford either a few more calories, or a little less exercise. How to decide when or how to do that .. I still don't know. I guess I have to see if my binge-eating stops first, since it is what has been regulating my weight and keeping me from dipping below 130 pounds. Sad that this has to be a factor.
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Old 07-29-2008, 09:19 AM   #693
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Originally Posted by TaDa! View Post
The tirades continue, lol! Can I rant just a little bit? I see a lot of people talking about food as "the" entertainment of a particular activity. I totally believe we should like what we eat and not eat what we do not like, but some of the intense focus on food is disturbing, and well, gives me this sense that it falls into the category of disordered eating. I was very obsessive over my food when I was 100+ pounds overweight. Part of healing was to change my relationship with food, how I view food, not just what I put in my mouth. I think, it too, is non-negotiable if a person ever wants to move on from obesity.
Very good point! I think that the whole food as "entertainment" is a big issue. I am still learning how to think about parties and holidays in the light of relationships and fun instead of "what I get to eat!"
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Old 07-29-2008, 10:09 AM   #694
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I liked your rant.


not every meal has to be treated as if its your last

food is fuel
what happens when we put sugar in the gas tank of a car...
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Old 07-30-2008, 05:49 PM   #695
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Thanks Elizabeth and Wall! Food is fuel. It can be enjoyable and heck, we should like what we eat, but I think most of us need to move away from food obsession! I surely do!!! When I read someone posting about finding "fun" food for themselves, not a toddler, I get a little shiver down my spine ....

July 30, 2008

Well, I am doing really well since coming home despite struggling a bit with procrastination about getting my exercise in. It is amazing, but I have gotten to where I do force myself to go and once in the groove, my hunger lessens, and I just feel good in general.

I am kind of excited to be back in my usual routine because ...... I feel that I can stop weighing myself, except for: 1. Friday weekly weigh-ins, and 2. When I do eat out of routine, like at a restaurant. When I am eating and exercising as usual, there is no need to weigh, except for Fridays. My weight will not be going up, and if I find, on Friday, that is has gone down, I can regulate by skipping an exercise day. If this becomes a regular thing, well, then I can look at more food, etc.

Not weighing tomorrow .. yay me! go me! lol! I love being able to just trust that everything is ok. I deserve to be trusted. It is totally the BEST.

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Old 08-01-2008, 06:46 PM   #696
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August 1, 2008

I am feeling good today ... I am feeling the right weight. This is actually a very big thing for someone who truly has had no idea what they should actually weigh - beyond the 30 point spread of healthy bmi.

My weight did drop below the goal range I set and I am certain it is due to my "long run" yesterday ... which was terrible torturous and slow .. but completed! lol!! I think my weight will always likely fluctuate throughout the week as I also skip 2 weekend days now ... anyhow, still monitoring and figuring it all out.

I cut short my workout today to a simple 3 mile run on the track and weight lifting just so as not to totally exhaust myself after yesterday and then ..... there he was!!!! Interval Guy!!!! I am happy to say he did not dare to f* with me as blatantly as last time ... nooooooooo ... he waited until I had been running a few miles to start trying to pass me on his running intervals. Ha ha! He figured he'd get me when I was tired ...

He was wrong. And now I am tired!

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Old 08-02-2008, 10:29 AM   #697
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August 2, 2008

I was talking to someone - a business associate today - and realized how much I have changed from the person I was just five years ago in how I relate to others and my world. He gave me news that is troublesome for me, but for him - is great! He's getting married and buying a house. And I was truly happy for him. I did not even think about myself until afterward.

Later on, I realized that the Anger is gone as is the intense self-focus. At one time, I viewed the entire world from a skewed viewpoint - The world was unfair. Everyone had it better than me, and I always deserved better than I got from others. This anger came from childhood and was mixed up with food anger, fat anger and how it all related to love and acceptance. Basically, I could not be acceptable or loveable unless I was willing to give up food and so all those things just turned me into one big angry adult. Angry at the thin people, angry at the successful people, angry at the happy people. Always ready to fight for my rights, for whatever it was I was being screwed out of.

Somehow over time, I have realized that the only one responsible for me is me and that I can make my own success and get my own rewards. Most importantly, that everyone out there in the world is struggling for their own bit of happiness and no one has it easy. And, I can make a person feel better about their day and their predicament in life, or I can make them feel worse just by how I treat them. In the end, what happens to me day-to-day is going to happen and I have little control over it, other than to do the right thing along the way and treat others well, meet my responsibilities, and try to be a good person.

It is a big relief to have the anger gone. I wonder how many of us suffering from obesity are walking around with this crippling problem. I do not think you can realize how crippling it is in life until you come out from under it - the anger, that is. I think the obesity is just a symptom ...
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Old 08-02-2008, 11:40 AM   #698
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wow taDa that is deep and very enlighted of you. I find myself relating to this, as the person you were. I see glimpses of getting out of this self focused way that I am 70% of the time. Do you feel like mentoring?
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Old 08-02-2008, 12:37 PM   #699
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Hey Quizzical I don't know that I am qualified to mentor anyone, lol! BUT I'd be happy to talk about it anytime you like here or outside of the journal. I have a few friends who stop in and discuss binge eating and other things I work on ... well, we all work on, lol!!

You know I should just clarify .. and you probably realize this already. First, it's just something that has happened - not something I knew I was working toward. Also, just for anyone at all out there reading - it is not about stuffing down my emotions and putting myself second to anyone. Quite the opposite. I treat myself and my needs as number one alongside those of my family, and somehow by meeting my needs (also because I have identified what they are!), I find myself happier and much more able to open myself to others, spending much less time with my head stuck deep inside ME ..

Off to a party .. yay!

Pauline
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Old 08-03-2008, 06:05 PM   #700
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August 3, 2008

I've had a really good weekend. There were two opportunities for really bad eating and both times, had I eaten the food, I'd have been really even more upset, because it was not even food I wanted to eat. Thank God I brought meals with me both evenings.

Saturday night was a party and the only food I could have eaten (since I eat vegetarian + fish) would have been the deep fried crab rangoons, white rice, mai tais, sangria, birthday cake, big ass chocolate chip cookies and m&m cookies.

Tonight was a god-awful restaurant at the beach on the strip. So, I go ahead and ordered an appetizer of tuna and wasabi sauce, and a caesar side salad thinking it would be fine. The appetizer was fine, but it was teensy tiny for the price, lol! and the caesar salad was hideous limp lettuce lathered in dressing so I did not eat it. My kids french fries were starting to look good to me (yikes!) .. so I quite literally pushed my salad to the side, excused myself from the table (so everyone would think I was going to the ladies room), and I left the restaurant, took out my lc dinner of fried eggs and spinach and ate it at the curb before returning back upstairs. Had my lc dessert later when everyone was eating ice cream and doughnuts.

We were at the beach and all the food was pretty much nasty - deep fried, pizzas, fried dough, cheese fries, etc etc etc. What I did might seem somewhat extreme, but you know what? I would not have even enjoyed a morsel of that food. I would have eaten it, pissed off that there wasn't any better choice. If I am going to eat off-plan, it had better be delicious and enjoyable, not just ok food I had to eat because I was really hungry ...

Am I glad I am a woman with a plan!
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Old 08-07-2008, 05:34 AM   #701
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August 7, 2008

I am doing fine, just chugging along with the food and exercise. I am still keeping to my regular "menu" and food schedule and that seems to work really well for me. It is also helping me learn what a normal amount of food is which is helpful when I eat out, or have to wing it for some reason ... like my upcoming vacation.

I had a hungry moment the other night, and kind of felt like if I said "no" to myself, that I might end up bingeing. So instead I figured out what would be an acceptable snack and had a small wedge of light brie cheese and one of those teeny bags of smartfood popcorn (total: 200 calories, 9 net carbs) and I was just perfect. I think sometimes, just saying "no" is enough to provoke binge mentality ...

I find myself also wanting to weigh every day to "see what is happening" but I think that is just prolonging obsessive dieting behavior and can only lead to trouble. I will weigh-in for Friday weigh-ins, but want to try and keep off the scale for most of the week. We'll see how successful I am ...
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Old 08-07-2008, 06:24 AM   #702
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Pauline you are so good about staying off the scale. I actually skipped today because I got dressed and won't weigh with clothes on and I came so close to taking them off to weigh. I will skip a day but never much more. I am going to my mom's and will try not to weigh much. First of all it will be a different scale. It is 7 days and I will be fine but the scale is the only thing that keeps me accountable.
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Old 08-07-2008, 06:09 PM   #703
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Deb, I'm not really good at all, lol! I just have never been "normal" and I want to get away from all the diet obsession - as much as possible - without losing sight of Maintenance. I know intuitive eating will not work for me. I also know that not weighing will not work for me. But I have to find a happy medium between total control and total chaos .. this is just one area of it ... We'll see how successful I am!! lol! I guess the first step for any of us is knowing yourself.

August 7, 2008

I came back from the ER a little while ago .. sliced my thumb really bad while cutting carrots for the little one. It actually went right through my fingernail too .. it's gross, but the doc was really really nice and chatty and they saw me quickly. I spill a cup of coffee in my lap the other day and now this. I think I am feeling stress and that is how it is coming out .. hmmmmm, I'll take it over bad eating and depression ... hopefully I'll get my act together and stop injuring myself tho ...

Prior to that I had a good day! Bought three bathing suit tops to wear with surf shorts (since all I have is surf tops), a really cute coverup and a cute dress ... all on clearance. I have been feeling good about myself, my size, and how I look in my clothes. And it has been such a rewarding feeling to go find and buy clothes in my goal size. It's good.
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Old 08-07-2008, 07:15 PM   #704
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did you need stitches and a tetanus shot? I am an ER nurse.

It is nice to be able to find clothes that fit. I usually don't have a problem. Sometimes cuts don't work on me. I also can only wear petite sizes and still have to shorten pants.

We will see how the week at my mom's goes. I don't want to gain. She isn't a big eater but she also doesn't always have food to snack on when I am hungry and I need to eat every 3-4 hours or I will binge.
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Old 08-08-2008, 02:23 PM   #705
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Yep Stitches, lol! My tetanus is up to date so no need for that .. yay! My nurse was a man - and he was very nice as was the doc. It's so annoying that they won't just stitch you up at the doctor's office anymore, lol!

You know, Deb, why don't you bring some snack food with you to your mom's house. There is no reason not to when you know that being hungry in between meals is a problem!! I am exactly the same way. I have to eat every few hours .. I just can't make do with 3 larger meals a day and I am coming to realize that maybe that traditional way of eating is another reason behind the obesity epidemic .. we are trained to eat three large meals, but most people get hungry in between, or want to eat in between as well ...

it is your Mom after all!!! Surely she'll understand your need for snacks ... if not, just tell her you need it for your running training, lol! Non-runners will believe anything about us ...



Anyhow, I hope it goes well!!!
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Old 08-08-2008, 06:04 PM   #706
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August 8, 2008

I made homemade baked sweet potato fries for th family .. and well I could not resist stealing a few and then, realizing I had made enough, took a portion for myself for dinner - which is fine. Tonight was also Friday night dinner, so I had two glasses of wine, as usual .. So all is good, except that I have the desire to eat more .. I know it is just the wine talking and so I am going to ignore it! But it makes me nervous about our vacation in two weeks ... lol! all-inclusive drinks and food! lol!!! I guess I will just have to be extra vigilant!! and drink water when I know I could not possible be truly "hungry". I am sure that is what is going on right now .. so I will head up to get myself a drink!

Oh yeah .. one more thing ... I am going to try not to weigh myself til next Friday .. I should not need to. It appears that I do maintain, or lose just slightly at this food / exercise level. (and it is ok if my weight goes down a little bit before my vacation .. Dr. Atkins even suggests it as one way of coping with vacation, lol!)
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Old 08-09-2008, 02:46 AM   #707
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I am flying and trying to bring only one bag each. I can run to the grocery store there. I know she will have fruit and cottage cheese. I will buy some string cheese and yogurt. I really don't snack much. I try to do mini meals.

I am off to do a 16 mile run now. Then home to finish packing and leave around 4:30p for air port. I will be on line though. Not always alot to do at mom's house. We do the beach and exercise and shop mostly.
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Old 08-09-2008, 05:00 AM   #708
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Have a good time Deb! 16 mile run ... well, I bet you get a nice nap on the airplane, lol!

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Old 08-09-2008, 06:02 AM   #709
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TaDa! View Post
August 8, 2008

So all is good, except that I have the desire to eat more
Do you think this is learned behavior or is our body telling us it really needs something?

ETA: Just read your post in my journal. Great minds think alike.

Last edited by beachguy; 08-09-2008 at 06:06 AM.. Reason: Just saw your post in my journal!
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Old 08-09-2008, 06:52 AM   #710
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Rich, if you had asked me last night, I'd have said, in my case, it was likely the alcohol - which, from experience, I know often makes me want to eat beyond what is necessary for my body ...

Today, however, I have new data, lol! It is officially PMS, I get physical symptoms so I know. So, it is hormonal .. and you know what, I wonder if that is the case in you too .. not the pms, lol! .. but I wonder if the testosterone the doc is having you take changes the hunger cues at all. I know absolutely nothing about that whole subject, except from my personal experience that my hormones definitely play a part in hunger for a few days every month ..

As far as our body telling us it needs something ... When I have no obvious reason for tummy-growling hunger - like the one above, I do think that is the case. I always always always try water first. I think I spent most of my obese life in a semi-dehydrated state! I also think the need for vitamins, etc could cause it too.

Then, in my case, I have suffered from binge eating, and I know for a fact that my body confuses any discomfort with hunger. So if my stomach is not actually growling, I look for binge triggers that I have pinpointed in myself:

* Fatigue ... I actually need to get some sleep, not eat
* Anger or Fear ... I need to reason things out, not eat
* Social Situation Panic ... I need to name it for what it is, not eat
* Need for affection ... Gotta find me some, not eat

Just a few thoughts ...
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Old 08-09-2008, 05:16 PM   #711
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August 9, 2008

OK .. I have an explanation for my hunger urges last night ... no, it was not the sweet potato (I had a totally reasonable portion), it was not the wine (well, not only the wine, lol!) ... PMS hit today officially. My sign is chest pain from water weight. So, that will be a challenge for the next two weeks as I tend to get those hunger cues at this time .. I just looked in my calendar and last month I binged the few days after that chest pain subsided. Thankfully, I know it, so I can stay vigilant! Also, it means I will not have this issue on vacation in two weeks ... yeehaw!

Weirdly, it is a relief to pinpoint that as a binge culprit. The out-of-control feeling of binge eating is so horrible. You just lose all hope that you can stop yourself in time not to do permanent damage sending yourself spiraling back to binge behavior. Knowing that there is a discrete cause, with a beginning and an end, that makes it much easier to halt the behavior, is very comforting - for me.

Anyhooo, doing well

I think it will be easy to stay off the scale this week, lol! Who wants to weigh with confirmed water weight?
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Old 08-11-2008, 06:27 PM   #712
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August 11, 2008

I'm doing well all around. Four days without the scale and the running is coming along .. slowly, painfully, but surely, lol! I'm afraid I am only up to about 15 miles a week, making up the difference with gym cardio, and the usual weightlifting, of course.

I somehow doubt I'll be back up to 30 by the time of my next ortho appointment in September .. and then there's the question, do I even want to run a regular 30 mile week? I do not think I do! I like the crosstraining. This is a nice realization for me!

It really has also been a wonderful experience being able to maintain a good physique etc - lose weight when necessary, etc. - despite the injury. I have come to have more confidence, more of a belief in my abilities to maintain. I have the experience of surgery in 2004 when I could not exercise for 8 weeks and I was also to come back to fitness within only a couple of months. This confidence that I can and will do the right thing, make the right choices, and effect change when necessary, is something I have learned only in the last five years.

I have made a new mindset and belief system for myself. The power of positive thinking. The power of action. No more self-pity, excuses, or blame. It is shocking to me how I have changed ... inside.
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Old 08-11-2008, 08:36 PM   #713
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Old 08-12-2008, 11:39 AM   #714
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Heya Mack! The thumb is doing ok ... got dosed with lc ketchup this afternoon .. which was very funny .. gotta change my bandage, lol! Weightlifting is a bit of a pain in the thumb, but doable! Taking a vacation in a week and a half, so I don't want to lighten up on the exercise pre-vaca, you know, lol!

Absolutely keeping to the straight and narrow! And I think it's 'cuz I am limiting my weigh ins to once a week .. I think daily weighing makes me obsessive, even here at goal ...

How you doing? I dropped into your challenge thread the other day and saw you had a little hidden meatball carb thing going on ... water weight for sure, for sure! How's things otherwise?
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Old 08-13-2008, 01:49 PM   #715
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Pauline, read up on the Furman method of training. it is all about 3 quality runs a week and cross training. I don't see the need for 30 miles a week unless I am training for a half marathon. Even then we often do less but have cross training built in to week.
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Old 08-13-2008, 02:50 PM   #716
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Quote:
Originally Posted by debbiedo View Post
Pauline, read up on the Furman method of training. it is all about 3 quality runs a week and cross training. I don't see the need for 30 miles a week unless I am training for a half marathon. Even then we often do less but have cross training built in to week.
Thanks Debbie! I know I actually have better quality runs (speed and distance) when I run less on a regular basis - i.e. after rest days, so it makes perfect sense to me! I'll check out that method. Thanks!!
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Old 08-13-2008, 06:32 PM   #717
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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WOE: Atkins Maintenance (Vegetarian + Fish)
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August 13, 2008

I feel pretty tapped out. The last two days I have been running at the track with my friend Tony - only 2-3 miles at a time - but he runs quite a bit faster, even though he takes the outer lane and I am feeling physically tired. Part of this may be the level I am eating ... it averages out over 1 week and 2 weeks to be approximately 2050 calories and 85 net carbs a day ... so I am expecting maybe a drop on the scale. I would have responded by simply fitting in some more food, but with the vacation now coming up - kinda an unplanned vacation - with very little control over the food available at each meal (aaaah! can you tell I'm freaked not to be in control, lol!!!), I think I will just continue like this for another week and let my weight drop if it wants to drop at this level in order to help take the edge off vacation. And if it stays in my weight range of 130-135, so be it. That is good too!

I have been pretty ok with my food except Monday and yesterday I could have used another mini-meal of say 200 calories or so as I had some hunger - which I am sure is pms-related - but there is no reason not to have eaten something, other than vacation .. I just toughed it out both times, thinking a little loss would be good due to the vacation. But let's say, I did not suffer too very much, lol!

I still have the water weight - I can feel it, so my weigh-in may be very inaccurate anyway. I have been complaining a lot about not using the scale (my head keeps complaining to me about it, lol!), but in truth, not really thinking about my weight, trusting that my food and exercise plan are right for me, has been very comforting this week. PMS and all, even some real hunger, and not a single binge urge. This once-a-week weigh in thing is definitely the way to go on Maintenance. :heartbeat
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Old 08-14-2008, 06:06 AM   #718
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Hi Bud,
Glad the thumb is healing nicely - gonna lose the nail?
Yeah, in a stall - will work through it.
Otherwise things pretty good.
Seeing one that was 236 and now running distances is so nice to see - one day, for me.
Have a good one, Pauline !
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Old 08-15-2008, 05:00 AM   #719
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Thanks Mack!!! I got to take my bandaging off yesterday and I will kep my nail - which is good!!!! but it is not healed as much as I would have liked. I think it was a very deep cut. Anyhow, hopefully another week will do the trick!! Thanks for asking!!!!! Pauline

August 15, 2008

So I had my Friday weigh-in and I am 128, down two pounds below goal weight. I did know my weight had dropped as my size 6s have gotten big and a little droopy this week, lol!

I looked at the past month and I lost 4.25 pounds this month I have not been "dieting", just on plan and so I attribute it to 1) eating at the level I have chosen and 2) starting back up running, which really takes it out of me. I am actually pleased at this weeks' weightloss as it will give me a little buffer for vacation (in a week) and so I plan to continue on the same for next week. And, If my weight goes down a bit more, that will be ok.

When I get back from vacation and my weight evens out from vacation bloat, I will have to do some tweaking, so that my weight stays within range and does not drop like this. I already have some ideas on that, but figure I should get the vacation out of the way before I worry too much about it!

One thing I have learned in the last four months is that I like being at the lower levels of my goal weight range. I can actually feel the difference a couple pounds makes. I would never have believed that when I was a bigger girl and am really happy to "achieve" this level of consciousness.
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Old 08-17-2008, 05:34 PM   #720
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August 17, 2008

Well vacation is in four days ... and the kids are out of camp, soooo this next four days I will be getting up like 5:30 and head to the gym. I know it will really take it out of me, but I'll feel much better if I keep to my schedule as much as possible - especially as I will not get any exercise in on Friday.

Of course I decided to take on some projects before vacation because hell, I won't have enough stress the next few days! lol!! Anyhow I am hoping to hit a number of items on my vaca list tomorrow.

I am very tired after getting a lot done this weekend and will try to get to bed early tonight so I actually do get up tomorrow morning, lol! We'll see how I do!!!
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