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Old 06-27-2008, 02:01 PM   #631
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Tada!

I love your new avi! You two look radiant!
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Old 06-27-2008, 02:17 PM   #632
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Agree about the avi, Pauline. Cute.
Has lil gal just swallered some water? or doesn't want to do kicking practice?

Lots of good info here, Bud.
I'll keep subbed to thread.
Who'da thunk one could eat cheerios again...
lol
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Old 06-27-2008, 05:32 PM   #633
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love the new avi!!!!!
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Old 06-27-2008, 06:12 PM   #634
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Aww Thanks Everyone!! Mack that is from a few weeks ago .. my kids decided .. insisted .. on hopping off my friends' boat into Long Island Sound and 54 degree water, and I had to follow ... The scream? first reaction to the cold, lol! Then they insisted on staying in for about an hour while I turned varying shades of blue (the little one is not a great swimmer) ... builds character or something I suppose! Well geez at least I hope I get some sort of reward for freezing my hiney off!

June 27, 2008

Well I'm in CT on a macintosh .. boy, are these keys noisy! Insane day! Ended up with a couple of girls who locked themselves out of their house. When they phoned, the dad told them to go wait on the porch for three hours So I fed them and we all hung out for a few hours until their Dad came home .. resulting in getting here quite late, but I was not going to leave them out there with barely anyone else around .. we live in the woods .. and what if there was lightening, etc etc etc ..

Anyhooo, really good workout today. Some loser decided he was going to show me up on the track .. heh heh heh .. obviously not a regular runner, or not a good one anyhow, I led him a merry chase til he gave up Ha!

Well I do owe him .. I think I ran under a 7 minute mile that first mile .. never did that before! Didn't even know I was capable of that!
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Old 06-27-2008, 06:15 PM   #635
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Great new picture, Pauline!

Have fun in CT! Is there lobster roll on the menu?
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Old 06-27-2008, 06:20 PM   #636
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Thanks Elizabeth ... not really sure on the lobster roll, lol! Trying not to obsess too much on the eating out part! lol! I know - different for me!! lol!!! Anyhoooo I will try and post how I do while I am down here - it is typically my hardest time of year with food and stress eating!!

aack!
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Old 06-27-2008, 06:49 PM   #637
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I will be thinking of you.
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Old 06-28-2008, 08:35 AM   #638
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my dad's family is from New Haven and when I think of Ct. I think of foods I love there like Pepe's Pizza and the Italian ices and Canolis next door at the italian bakery. I would eat all of the them diet and all and just be careful there after.

Wow a 7 minute mile is fast. My fastest is closer to 8 minutes and that kills me.

I didn't know you were running again. I did 10 miles today and my legs felt it!!!!
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Old 06-28-2008, 11:56 AM   #639
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Pauline, I love your new avatar! You sure can tell she is your daughter.

Have a good time in CT.
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Old 06-28-2008, 01:11 PM   #640
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"Pauline, that means, no strawberry or two...."

Does fruit trigger binging urge, P.?
I would think at 'goal' any fresh fruit would be great.
I missed why this was a no-no in your plan for that visit.
I can see cheese but berries?
'Splain, please, Lucy.
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Old 06-28-2008, 02:47 PM   #641
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Debbie, I hear you! But a month of eating all I wanted to eat of white bread lobster rolls, deep fried fish and french fries, etc etc etc, and I could put on 30 pounds .. it is not a fly by night visit with a single meal or two.

Thanks Diane!! Yah, she shrieks like me too

Mack .. Strawberries are perfectly fine for me and are great fruit for anyone who has done the lower rungs of the carb ladder! I recently realized I binge in social situations sometimes when I am feeling uncomfortable socially ..2 such occasions in the last 5 months. These binges start by me nibbling on perfectly fine lc foods that one would find at a social function (like berries, for example) and would escalate into a free-for-all binge - sometimes high carb, sometimes simply bingeing on something like cheese (not a piece or two, we are talking 3/4 pound of cheese or the like) and putting so many calories into myself that I make myself sick ... not good!

At the party where I talked about not allowing myself even a few berries, I was trying to develop a plan to avoid that binge trigger and part of it was pre-planning exactly what food to allow myself and to try and stick with it, knowing that a small deviation sometimes psychologically would send me off the edge.

I got through the party and have some better tools and ideas about binge-eating in such a situation .. and next time, I would not worry about strawberry eating ... or eating too many shrimp, etc .. it was just a one-day one-event thing, lol! to try and reign myself in from the binge "chain of events" that binge eaters experience at times.

You are right, there is nothing at all wrong with strawberries, they are awesome lc food Went berry picking with the kiddos last weekend and had quite a few myself!
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Old 06-28-2008, 07:24 PM   #642
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June 28, 2008

A lot of people go from the idea that "some" food restriction (i.e. dieting) is "Good" to the notion that extreme sacrifice, restriction, and "discipline" must be "Better" .. and for many of us, that is simply not a liveable solution. You must find a way of living that you can do for the rest of your life. Be reasonable with yourself and your expectations. That is the only way to succeed for the longterm.

Yes, bars and sf lc sweets can be overdone, so monitor yourself carefully, but do not think that you must follow certain purity laws or your journey is over. The same as far as exercise - the exercise you will do regularly is far better than that tough workout you can get yourself to do only once a month!

Make this into a life change, not a short term exercise in sainthood, and you will be able to change your life and your health for good.
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Old 06-29-2008, 10:59 AM   #643
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TaDa! View Post
June 28, 2008

A lot of people go from the idea that "some" food restriction (i.e. dieting) is "Good" to the notion that extreme sacrifice, restriction, and "discipline" must be "Better" .. and for many of us, that is simply not a liveable solution. You must find a way of living that you can do for the rest of your life. Be reasonable with yourself and your expectations. That is the only way to succeed for the longterm.

Yes, bars and sf lc sweets can be overdone, so monitor yourself carefully, but do not think that you must follow certain purity laws or your journey is over. The same as far as exercise - the exercise you will do regularly is far better than that tough workout you can get yourself to do only once a month!

Make this into a life change, not a short term exercise in sainthood, and you will be able to change your life and your health for good.
I know you did not write this for me, but it is exactly what I needed to read. Thank you.
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Old 06-29-2008, 12:32 PM   #644
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I'm really glad Sara Sometimes I want to scream it from the treetops.
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Old 06-29-2008, 06:35 PM   #645
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Originally Posted by Sarajewel View Post
I know you did not write this for me, but it is exactly what I needed to read. Thank you.

Ditto. Many thanks for your wise insight.
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Old 07-02-2008, 12:54 PM   #646
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Thanks PhiLee

July 2, 2008

I got the following email today from a guy friend I have not seen in about 15 years:

"Sorry I missed our 25th. I was overseas with Dad. I saw some photos of a blonde haired beauty. I hear you're quite the knock out at 42?! What's your secret?"

heh heh heh ... Soooooo, yah think the rumour mill is going? ... and they're all wondering if I've had weightloss surgery? I think I know who has been burning up the phone lines talking and it's a guy who never gave me the time of day, but was very chatty at the reunion with dh and I ... Finally some highschool justice for Pauline
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Old 07-03-2008, 02:34 PM   #647
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Originally Posted by TaDa! View Post

"Sorry I missed our 25th. I was overseas with Dad. I saw some photos of a blonde haired beauty. I hear you're quite the knock out at 42?! What's your secret?"

heh heh heh ... Soooooo, yah think the rumour mill is going? ... and they're all wondering if I've had weightloss surgery? I think I know who has been burning up the phone lines talking and it's a guy who never gave me the time of day, but was very chatty at the reunion with dh and I ... Finally some highschool justice for Pauline
Wow, that has to make you feel incredible!

Hope you are are doing well. When do you get home?
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Old 07-03-2008, 06:41 PM   #648
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Thanks Elizabeth! I won't be home for good for another two weeks. I might hop back there for a day or two here and there to get stuff done, but that's it

July 3, 2008

Doing fine! I finally got used to the gym here .. it changed locations since last year and all the machines are different too. I actually figured out what to use for weights workouts finally and can happily report that my muscles are sore from working them all in just slightly different ways .. unintentional change can be good!

Food is on plan although I am finding myself tempted to pick sometimes at unplanned foods ... strawberries, blueberries ... nothing too bad. This weekend (starting tomorrow) may be tough as my sister who sometimes eats nuts and cheese will be coming in and she often leaves the foods where I see them constantly and finally just give into them ... soooo I hope to make a concerted effort to "put away" any containers of nuts or cheese into fridge drawers, the pantry, etc. "Out of sight, out of mind" does work for me most of the time.

There has been more "reunion" fallout - weird. The mother of the guy from the email apparently called my mother twice yesterday until she returned the call, to talk about me and some pictures from the reunion, etc. Apparently she was just going on and on about how I looked. :blush: Another guy in my class had had weightloss surgery 10 years ago or so (gained the weight back since, I think). His wife did question me at the dinner but I did not put 2 and 2 together until now. I guess they were all comparing notes on me Understandable I guess, as they've known me my whole life as the very fat girl until now.

It's gratifying to some extent, but very weird too seeing as I am now used to myself ... and just want to be accepted as "normal" and not anything else. This is wrong, I know, but it really makes me feel immense pressure to keep up appearances ... I sometimes wonder if people will secretly be pleased if I gain it all back. I guess I will always worry about that - and maybe it is a good thing if it can help me keep to the straight and narrow, I suppose, but I know in my heart that I am a little screwed up and probably always will be ...
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Old 07-04-2008, 08:27 AM   #649
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July 4, 2008

In the last year or two I have been less preoccupied with how I became and stayed obese from the time I was a child, and more focused on the immediate causes of binge eating ... something else I have suffered from much of my life. I have convinced myself that it is mostly irrelevant how I came to be obese as a childd, and more important that I have made peace with the past and the whys and realized the need for me to take control of my life and accept the responsibility of adulthood - to take care of myself. Wallowing in unfairness of childhood, and the unfairness of life in general, being a key reason for being an obese adult.

I still believe all of this, but in the past year as some of my "binge spiral" behavior (bingeing from boredom, anger, worry, etc.) has fallen away, I see more clearly an important issue in my life that remains central to my psyche. The desire to be liked and accepted by everyone as an equal, as a desireable person to be around. And I know this is an acceptable goal in life, a normal goal. The problem is how I let any perceived dislike or lack of acceptance hurt me and worry me - the fact that despite having conquered weight - this big thing that made me feel inferior - I still feel the need to please.

As a teenager and a young adult I did things I am not proud of in my quest for accceptance and love. I feel very ugly (inside) when I am trying to prove myself with others. It is not the most attractive side of me by far and is one of my last remaining binge triggers that just eludes me. I can identify three social occasions recently where the pressure to fit in led me to binge eating and self-hatred. And, I am starting to obsess on a neighbor lady here who, I feel, just seems to hate me for no obvious reason (when she fawns all over my youngest sister), and the thoughts of these people talking about me after the reunion makes me very nervous and pressured even if it is all good and positive. Positive comments about my weight or appearance have always been an issue for me - for me, it implies the threat of a future witholding of acceptance when I inevitably "let everyone down" by gaining it all back, as I experienced in childhood over and over again.

Will I ever overcome this big bugaboo? I don't think I will, I will always have those feelings, but I can point at it, the way I point at the other more simple feelings that lead me toward the Binge - those feelings and spiral that I have managed to diffuse much of the time just by "naming" the demon. It is one thing that happened in childhood to my security as a human being that will probably be impossible to de-program in my brain. I'd like to be more positive about it, but I just do not know how one cures this. I guess maybe I need to hit the library again.
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Old 07-04-2008, 08:57 AM   #650
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Old 07-06-2008, 05:10 AM   #651
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July 5, 2008

OK, my weight seems to be holding steady which is good. I have been having a little problem with nibbling, mostly legal blueberries and strawberries, but they were not in the plan and yesterday I actually realized that 3/4 cup of blueberries is 25 net carbs And then last night we ordered in so I would not have to cook and I stole three of my 7 year old's battered fried shrimp (damn they were good!).

I was trying to be really good (not too successfully), so I could be a little carby tonight when we go out to dinner, 5 of the 12 people here are going home today, so we were going to go out after they left .. Did I mention **I** have been cooking for 12 people all week??!! and living in the refrigerator? hence the nibbling on baby nephews fruits!! I am hoping that without the temptation of his food, I will be more successful sticking to plan.

Now I am thinking I will not eat carby tonight. Anyhow, we will be going to a place that serves fish AND vegetables .. Many of the places down here are all deep fried foods with only some lobster and shrimp that are not battered. I suppose I need to take advantage of the fact that I can order Atkins-legal food tonight and just do it!!

I do have to say that my weight has held steady all week despite a few glasses of wine (which is normal and on plan for me), berries nearly every day and the battered shrimp last night and that this is the BEST I have ever done while down here. Being able to shop for clothes helps with the mental state too, I suppose. Week 1 is in the bag!!!!!! Woot!!!!!!!!
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Old 07-06-2008, 08:39 PM   #652
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You are doing great Pauline! I love how you seem to get a handle on things. I have not reached that point. I am having binge issues almost weekly and need to sit down and analyze them like you have done.

I also need to work on my eating when we are at our beach house. I tend to think I need to treat myself when we are there. I don't eat off plan but just too much. Especially on things like nuts! Yikes! They are so calorie dense. So I am going to really work on that this week. Thanks for all the inspiration you give me.

Have a good week!
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Old 07-07-2008, 12:23 PM   #653
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Thanks so much for the compliment Dianne I think one of the keys to any success I am having is keeping strictly to ****** one way or another .. Ha! I do not know whether this next journal entry will be helpful or not - it is not the kind of thing I would have wanted to read when I was trying to keep away from binge eating, or to stay on plan, and for anyone else who reads this - because this is not anything I would advocate for anyone who is on the weightloss portion of Atkins as it is not a good mindset for someone like myself who could not handle these types of indiscretions .. that said, I am on Maintenance and this is what is happening with me:

July 7, 2008

I have managed to kick the nibbling at the house issue the last couple of days since my sisters and the quasi-legal food left the house .. I am even feeling more like I am maintaining .. as I feel like some of my nibbling has been the kind of eating I see the thin people do .. What do I mean? Today at a restaurant I took 4 tortilla chips. I was starving. I ordered on-plan food despite the fact that it was unappealing to me, but felt so darn hungry with the chips in front of me.

The success is in the fact that I enjoyed the 4 chips, but knew I could not eat them the way I was accustomed to doing. In fact at the end of the meal, the whole basket was still sitting there. That NEVER would have happened in the past. I'd have eaten the whole basket, actually competing with my dining companion to eat from it. Same with the fruits, etc the other day. Mind you, I am not pleased with myself for eating tortilla chips, but I am proud, I came back home, ******'ed the whole meal and will compensate for excess calories, etc by omitting my late afternoon (4 pm) snack. My carbs will only be 71 for the day and calories at 2018 .. perfect!

I have really managed to stay on track with little things like this happening .. I am not at home. I am eating out. I feel that this would be unacceptable daily at-home behaviour, but for away-from-home, it is just perfect as I am watching myself but am not feeling deprived. I even had drinks twice this weekend (rather than my usual one time). Yesterday I really wanted some fruit. So, instead of brussel sprouts (9 net carbs) with my sandwich, I had a medium peach (11 net carbs and less calories). MINDFULNESS is the word for July and so far, it appears to be working.
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Old 07-07-2008, 05:18 PM   #654
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Pauline I am all about mindful eating. I know you watch your carbs but I don't think you will gain weight on blueberries or strawberries. Fruit is good for you!!! It is funny but I don't watch carbs anymore just amounts I eat and I am stable and losing slowly. I should be happy with my weight but I am stuck with wanting a few more pounds gone. I will not diet to do it. I will eat most things but they have to be planned into my total day. If I mess up one day I just got back to watching my choices the next day. I call this mindful eating and not dieting. You are doing great. I hope some day you can just make healthy choices and watch the amounts you choose to eat and won't sweat the carb counts. I truly believe calories do count but you have to do what works for you. I used to drive my mom crazy with what I would and wouldn't eat.
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Old 07-07-2008, 05:54 PM   #655
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I really have not believed I could ever get to total mindful eating. I have been obese most of my 43 years. The past five years have been successful but not normal eating at all - they have been eating with a goal in mind. I do hope I can get to that "normal" place where a person eating mindfully maintains their weight. But one thing I do know. I cannot just drop the controls, say I am going to eat mindfully and voila I am cured .. I have tried that and I fall into the old modes of using food for comfort not sustenance. Maybe another five years, this time working on "what does normal mean for me" will be required ... in any case, I have to let loose the reins very very slowly if I am to truly make maintenance a reality. But I am very encouraged by what I have discovered so far on this new journey!!

Thank you so much for your kind words Deb! I appreciate all that you share with me!!! It is great to see that it can work!

Pauline
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Old 07-07-2008, 06:00 PM   #656
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My plan:
Make healthy choices.
Watch total eaten in a day.
Preplan as much as possible.
Eat fruit and veggies and maybe mini rice cakes if I need to nibble.
Exercise alot.
Know if I eat something not so great I can go back to eating healthy and I will survive.
Monitoring weight on the scale because when I don't I definitely don't eat as well and gain weight.
Know that I will not always be perfect but don't get down on myself. The goal is 90 percent of the time to eat a healthy diet without being too low fat or all whole grain. I eat regular grocery store food and I eat out. I eat pizza too.

I think I am compulsive about my exercise and you are with your eating. I have never been more then 30-35 pounds overweight but that is alot on a
5' frame. I have gained lost so many times over and even recently put some pounds back on.
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Old 07-08-2008, 06:22 PM   #657
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July 8, 2008

Very munch-ish tonight ... it is totally from being tired and a little bored. Did not give in. But it is very annoying sitting in front of the tv for two hours contemplating a small bag of Smartfood popcorn. Actually ended up with a rather low calorie 'n carb day 1880 cal/64 net carbs, so that's fine!

I bought two nice pairs of slacks at the Banana Republic outlet here today. They have the petite sizes here which is cool. I seem to do best at Old Navy and Banana Republic for bottoms ... and OMG!!! They have a Lane Bryant Outlet now!!! When I saw it I got pissed off that it wasn't around when I needed it, lol!!!! (This one is at the Westbrook Outlet Mall in CT ... like exit 65 or 66 off of 95). You know, it is probably good that I did not realize the variety of stores that offer plus sized clothing. Clothing was ALWAYS a huge source of misery in my life and a real impetus to lose weight.

Actually, another funny thing I noticed, now that I can shop "anywhere," I find it very difficult to select clothes. My mind still wants me to buy things that just look "alright," instead of insisting on only buying things that look great. Thankfully today, I kicked that ... At BR, I almost bought two pairs of pants that were mostly ok, but made me look a little hip-py. I was soooo close to buying them and then decided, WTH!, try on the slightly more expensive ones ... well, those looked really great on me - they just fit my shape better. Funny, but lesson learned ... maybe?

Weird how many things there are to learn to get to "normal."
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Old 07-09-2008, 03:52 AM   #658
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July 9, 2008 Morning

I woke up an hour ago to find that "Alexander" the fish had three babies during the night "He" is a guppy who came home two weeks ago from a 1st grade school project. OMG! is dd going to be thrilled!!
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Old 07-09-2008, 11:21 AM   #659
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I hear you on the clothes issues! I would buy whatever fit before losing and now I have almost bought so-so clothes, also. I agree we need to learn how to buy clothes for our "new" shapes/sizes. Good for you! I also have to realize that I am worth spending more on clothes to get nice clothes instead of buying cheap stuff because it fits.

Congrats on the new babies. I guess Alexander is Alexis?
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Old 07-09-2008, 05:23 PM   #660
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Don't you find it tough to spend the money, lol!!! I went so long buying clearance clothes to lose weight down to smaller sizes, and before that, never investing in nice clothing becasue who wanted nice clothing in a size 28??!!, that it feels counterintuitive to pick up full-priced clolthing to try on, lol!!! But I have to say I have bought some nice things that should last pretty well

As for Mama Fish ... it's Alexandra now, lol!!

July 9, 2008

Weird day .. some good stuff ... some boy attention (ok, well, man attention) which is always good for the ego and then an older man - 70, so he says - and I were joking around in the store about age and AARP discounts, etc etc and as I was leaving, he says (about my age), "Well at least you've kept your figure ..." OMG! I nearly dropped dead (and then the next impulse was to laugh hysterically), instead I said, "Well, THAT I have to work at!!" and left it at that. But boy was that astonishing!! lol!!! I kept nothing. I lost the other half of me, lol!!!!

I have been totally obsessing on food tonight - popcorn - and I know it is just exhaustion talking, so I am ignoring it - quite successfully, I might add! I also could have gone for sugarfree ice cream tonight with Dad and dd, and I declined even to go with them. I think, especially when I am down here, I will pick and choose my weekly "extras." I would much rather have a higher calorie cheesy or buttery meal sometime this upcoming weekend, than "spend" it on sf ice cream and popcorn when I am only "mind-hungry"!
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