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Old 04-11-2006, 10:55 AM   #31
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Great job on your race Pauline!!
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Old 04-11-2006, 06:36 PM   #32
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Hey! Thanks DDog!! I appreciate the support!!!

----------------------------------

April 11, 2006

9:30 pm
Yesterday at the gym, a trainer - marathon runner also - asked me how my little race went. I told him it was a blast and he asked what my next race was …. And I surprised myself by responding that maybe I'd find me a half-marathon although I really love the trail racing much better than any road race .. I never was one for "normal," lol!!

Anyhow, he got excited and said, well you realize you have to run marathon and I said, "Yeah, I think dh is coming 'round and won 't be jealous like I had thought he was acting about it, lol!!! And then I said, "when the kids are older, we'll both run one." And my trainer friend nearly got upset!!! He says , "NO!!! But you're in shape for one now! You've been training hard. You could do one of the Fall races."

God, I hate when people put ideas like that in my head. It's like a challenge to my womanhood, so to speak … 26 miles on a road filled with people does not necessarily sound like my idea of a good time … or does it??!!!

I have been running 30+ miles a week, which is about what marathon training consists of, just less days shorter runs and a single longer run a week ..

God help me if I actually consider this. I saw a lady running today from my car -- she had to be training for the Boston Marathon - a week away - her cheeks were hollows. She looked skeletal. I've seen her before running on the other side of town. She looked like a runner. I don’t know that I want to look like that - though I suppose I have muscle up top too from weight-training which the runners tend to lose …

Anyhow. There it is. Some thoughts.

Tomorrow night I'm visiting some relatives so I prolly won’t be too chatty when I return … but this should be interesting … Talking about my weight with relatives has gotten very very old for me ….

I'm in a funky mood tonight.


----------------------------------

Weight:
129*

Food:
calories: 1819
carbs: 70
fats: 113 59%

Exercise:
Rest and Recovery Day

*as of 4/7/06. Next weigh-in on 4/14/06

Last edited by TaDa!; 04-11-2006 at 06:37 PM..
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Old 04-11-2006, 10:07 PM   #33
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hope your visit goes well and if you trainer friend thinks you can do it wow that is some compliment. Great Job
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Old 04-12-2006, 01:02 PM   #34
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Thanks so much Lexus! You are right, it is a huge compliment. I was totally stunned by it Happy Day!

Pauline
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Old 04-12-2006, 01:04 PM   #35
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April 12, 2006

7:30 am
I am up almost 3 lbs from my lowest weight this week and no, no detours off plan at all despite the desire that was there, lol!!! I am actually shocked to be up a pound from yesterday!!

Things I've done differently:

1. pumpkin - don't think that's it! but it could be! sweet potato week went the same way!!!!

2. took a much needed extra exercise rest day yesterday, Friday and Sunday to compensate for race (2 unplanned rest days) - don't think that's it!

3. Ate Tofu Sherataki noodles twice this week - might be it

4. Been eating 1/2 small banana after dinner every night - might be it!

5. Been chewing sugarfree dentyne at night - might be it!

6. I backed down to 70 carbs - was at 65-70 (lost weight consistently), leaped to 70-75 (no weightloss but sweet potato week), backed down to 70 (no weightloss - weight gain). Could be it, but I don't think so.

7. A new Celestial Seasonings Tea : but I've only been drinking that for two days.

March 24: 128.7 lbs
Banana add-in week (in morning not evening)

March 31: 128.25 lbs
sweet potato add-in week

April 6: 129 lbs
April 7: 129 lbs

Carb Load Day
April 8: 128.8 lbs
Race Day, Food On Track
April 9: 126.8 lbs
Sherataki noodles
Indian Restaurant for lunch
April 10: 127.6 lbs
Food On Track
April 11: 128.6
Sherataki Noodles
April 12: 129.75

Very confusing! I guess I need to drop out the sherataki noodles first thing. Gosh, don't want to get rid of evening banana, pumpkin pudding or sf gum!!! so I'll tough it out eating those for a few more days and see what happens, keeping food at 70 carbs, 1850 calories ...

My next step will be to cut out the pumpkin, keeping cals and carbs stable. Might just be that I do not tolerate the starchy vegetables for weightloss, might be a maintenance food, or a once-in-a-while food for me??!!

I just am not one to fluctuate that much - 3 lbs - ever, so it is very strange ... but I am feeling disassociated emotionally from my weight these days .. like an outsider peering into a petri dish and that is a good thing!!! I will just soldier on!! The alternative is just not an option!!!!

3:55 pm I just talked to dh. My parents will be taking the kids for a few days and he told me last week that he'd like to do a road race - from 5k (3 miles) to 10k (6 miles) and I just found one in Lexington MA on Monday - apparently it is the fourth oldest road race in the country and it's in the a.m. in enough time to go see the Boston Marathon … so maybe we'll do that too!! So he may take off Monday … I'm thinking I'll do the race even if he doesn't, lol!! Since I won’t need anyone with me to wipe me off the pavement when we're only talking 5 miles …

I am going to post this now since I will be home late tonight and will not feel like posting. The stats below are my projected food for the day … Hopefully I will not have to come in tomorrow and confess any food indiscretions …..

----------------------------------

Weight
129*

Food
calories: 1805
carbs: 701
fats: 118 61%

Exercise
Run: 40 minutes FAST!
Weights: 40 minutes upper body

*as of 4/7/06. Next weigh-in on 4/14/06

Last edited by TaDa!; 04-12-2006 at 01:09 PM..
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Old 04-12-2006, 02:22 PM   #36
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You are amazing! You are without the kids for a few days and you go run a race! If someone watched our kids for a few days I would probably sleep!
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Old 04-12-2006, 02:57 PM   #37
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I agree with ddog27 and since I am the only one home right now I would... hummm yep sleep Can't wait til hubbie gets home 4 days!!!! he has only been gone 4 days too I just can't see how single adults do it. This is some hard work.
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Old 04-13-2006, 06:33 PM   #38
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DDog and Lexus!!! Sleep??!!!! You must be joking .... I once worked for a guy - he was the company prez - whose motto was "You can sleep when you're dead." I liked his thinking ... we'll have eternity to sleep!!!!

I have many many more mountains to climb, beers to drink, frolicing to be done, trouble to be getting myself into ... you get the idea. Life's a party and I'm going to party til I drop!!!!

April 13, 2006

9:00 am
I have come to a little decision after all this harping on the stupid vegetables!!! I am getting very confused!!! I think I will stop eating my starchy veggies, but will stay at 70 carbs (5 up from previous weeks) for a week with no add-ins (keeping banana and other things I tolerated). This way I will see what the additional carbs do or do not do and then I can decide where to go from there! Either back to starchy vegetables or on to grains (?!). I did eat squash today as it is the final day of starchy week, lol! Tomorrow is official weigh day and then on to a week of no add-ins. My kids will be with the folks for a few days and so there will be food, drink and merriment .. so to speak, so not a good week for experimentation anyhow!

In the last few weeks I have been thinking about this and have decided to further break down the ladder from Dr. Atkins' ladder in order to really take it slowly. I'll do it this way to take into account high glycemic load and the fact that in my first year on Atkins I found I could not tolerate any of the lowcarb foods with wheat in them. I do not want to assume that is written in stone and want to try to go at it more methodically this time ... it would be nice to be able to eat grains so, my modified high end of the ladder:

8. Starchy Vegetables
excluding white potato

9. Lowcarb Grain Products
dreamfield's pasta, lc tortillas (latortilla), carbquik bake mix, lc bread, lowcarb cereal mixes, etc.

10. Regular Whole Grains
Steelcut oats, whole wheat bread, 12 grain bread, brown rice, ww pasta, etc.

11. White Potato and White Bread

I feel perfectly fine eating the way I currently do for the rest of my life. I do not think I'd add in any of the above foods (my #8 - #11) on a daily basis ... but I'd like to be able to make fajitas and have a lc tortilla, or bring some with me to a restaurant -- as an option, or choose to eat a sweet potato at someone's house once in a while, etc. I do not think it is a bad thing to decide not to eat grains at all ... in fact, I have a feeling that many of us will not tolerate them at all ...

My evening last night was a bit stressful .... I got stuck in traffic for 1.5 hours (half hour trip), was very annoyed, when we did arrive, I was planted in front of a nice bowl of roasted broccoli and cauliflower with carrots and an incredible english cucumber vinaigrette, both totally lc, but I have to say I stuffed myself on those AND ate my dinner, etc.

I think my aunt and mother commenting on my weight set me off as well. Now they're telling me not to lose anymore ... and my aunt wears like a 00 jeans. I have a cousin who has had an anorexia problem, but sheesh! My whole life my mother has stressed me out about my weight from the time I was a very young child, so I guess I feel she has no right to discuss it with me anymore, lol!! And I usually do keep a boundary now when she brings up weight issues for my own mental health.

This is a thread which brings up the boundary issue and was very helpful for me in recognizing some of the areas in my life where I felt threatened or out of control emotionally:

Topic For Thought: Setting Boundaries In Your Life From Those Who Would Violate Them
Topic For Thought: Setting Boundaries In Your Life From Those Who Would Violate Them

Anyhow, I wanted to binge when I was driving home and resisted the urge!!! I kept telling myself it would set me back a week, and then I tried to imagine what it would feel like AFTER I ate those bars and how I'd eat til my stomach was hurting and feel the same as I did before. How, even if I could keep it to one bar, the bar would not change how I felt once it was eaten - how I'd still be annoyed and I'd still want more and have to battle the urge or give in and how cinnamon sf gum would give me the same effect without the sadness of the binge ... and it worked. Binge averted. Bullet dodged.

----------------------------------

Weight
129*

Food
calories: 1789
carbs: 70
fats: 109 57%

Exercise
Run: 40 minutes 9.3 minute mile
Weights: 40 minutes lower body

*as of 4/7/06. Next weigh-in on 4/14/06
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Old 04-14-2006, 04:10 PM   #39
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Wow Pauline, I am so glad I found your journal. It is SO inspirational. So many of the things you have posted in other places have given me the strength to keep going when it gets tough. You are the reason that I have not given up on the exercise, even when some of the super-smartkins out there say not too. I am so glad you are sharing your thoughts like this. Please accept my deepest gratitude and congratulations on your discovery of who you are. I am now down 35 pounds and feel like I'm starting to find myself. So, Thanks. Sorry to be posting in your journal, but I was just so moved that I had to. Thanks again!!
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Old 04-15-2006, 07:10 AM   #40
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ColoAlex, you are always welcome in here!! I am really glad you are following your instincts with the exercise. We don't have to kill ourselves, but we are animals too and we are made to move, not to live sedentary lives. I also believe that it is cruel and unusual punishment to limit ourselves to very very low calorie intake in an attempt to starve the fat. Me personally, I know it would set me off binge-eating. For many of us, it is just not good in the long-term. And who cares about the short term? I want to be rid of this ball-and-chain for good!!!!

I have to tell you that the combination of lowcarbing and adding exercise into my life has lifted a cloud of depression I have felt myself living under for most of my life. I always thought I had mental problems, but I realize that it all may have been physical - blood sugar and not jumping into life and grabbing it by the horns. What is there to live for if you are not out there living?!

You are doing great Alex!!!! I cannot wait to hear how you succeed in the next few months. I just know you will have success after success with your perseverance trying to get in the exercise despite injury and all. Pauline

----------------------------------

April 14, 2006

5:00 pm
OK, some news ....

I am almost in tears over here ... I am officially in a SIZE 6!!!!! Just came back from the mall and tried on oodles of jeans ... and it is official. other than the weight of 135, that has been another goal for the last three years!!! I am very very excited!

Today is weigh-in day (I am 128 lbs) and so now I also have a clearer view of my starchy vegetables experiment. I did have them yesterday as well. If I look at the bigger picture:

130.5 on March 17
... added banana 3x, then weightloss
128.75 on March 24
... added banana 5x then weightloss
128.25 on March 31
... added Sweet Potato 3x then weightgain
129 on April 7
... added Pumpkin 5x then weightloss
128 on April 14

however, if I look at the total weekly numbers, in the two weeks I have been on starchy vegetables, I have lost a quarter pound net loss and the 3x sweet potato week, I had a gain, so I can eat pumpkin it would seem. Sweet potato or sweet potato + banana are iffy for me ... I have no great need to eat sweet potato daily, so I am going to let it go at that and be done with starchy vegetables. I may try turnip at some time in the future, but I'm going to bet it's the same as the pumpkiun and squash are for me!

I am not going straight on to grains. instead I am going to spend a week with my current foods (minus starchy vegetables) to just feel a little normal and enjoy my day-to-day menu before I start fooling around again! I have bought some Latortilla tortillas to try when I do go on to my extra rung "lowcarb grain products."

I prolly won't be posting too much this weekend and the beginning of the week as my parents have the kids and dh and I will be carousing! Hopefully not causing too much damage on the wol front!!!

Edited to Say: I am posting this Saturday morning, April 15th, and am proud to report that food was 100% on plan last night, although I have to confess to a fun fun unplanned drinking session with a crazy Australian and two Liverpudlians … dh even got kissed on the lips by the Ozzie, but that'd be another story …. Anyhow, three whiskeys and a glass of red for me, so not too terribly bad, lol!! I love a weigh in after drinking when I'm dehydrated and hungover … scale read 125.5 this morning which we all know is water, but it was fun to see!!!

Well, I'll be off for a run and major weightlifting session with this hangover shortly and then we're going to spend the afternoon in Boston and maybe pop into the Boston Marathon expo for fun … I did not tell dh, but unbelieveably My hero Dean Karnazes of Ultramarathon Man is giving a lecture there today (we'll miss it), but I am going to carry my book around with me and if I see him, I plan to attack him for an autograph like a crazed teenager

----------------------------------

Weight
128*

Food
calories: 1923
carbs: 75
fats: 101 48% <- blame the whiskey!!!

Exercise
Run: 60 minutes 9.9 minute mile

*as of 4/14/06. Next weigh-in on 4/21/06

Last edited by TaDa!; 04-15-2006 at 07:36 AM..
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Old 04-15-2006, 07:34 PM   #41
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April 15, 2006

10:25
Aftermath!! I killed myself in the gym today and deserved every torturous moment! lol!!! DH has been contending with an injured calf muscle and I convinced him to run with me at my pace today and so for the first time ever we ran together .. funny! If he's up to the race on Monday, he may run with me. I suggested it so he could take it easy on his leg and still have an excuse to run slower, lol!!

We did not make it into Boston today … too darn tired and hungover, lol! But we had a good fun day!

----------------------------------

Weight
128*

Food
calories: 2056 <- approximate. 2 restaurant meals out ...
carbs: 59
fats: 124 57%

Exercise
Run: 40 minutes 9.5 minute mile
Weights: 40 minutes (lower body)

*as of 4/14/06. Next weigh-in on 4/21/06
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Old 04-17-2006, 07:15 AM   #42
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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April 16, 2006

DH hurt his leg badly today - popped a tendon or something while playing soccer. He encouraged me to run the 5miler today anyhow, but I don’t think he should be standing around waiting for me with his leg <sigh> Means we won’t go into the Marathon either .. bummer!!! We were going to go in and stand by Heartbreak Hill … oh well!!!

The night was fun. We went out for a couple of drinks to an Irish bar and I had Irish coffees - Jameson whiskey and black coffee. I brought my own milk and davincis mix in a little jar and poured it in - nice and lc! I have enjoyed the last few days without the stress I've had in the past worrying about eating out and drinking outside the house. Staying on plan - on a weightloss level - has been close to effortless with a little planning … It is very heartening!!!

Yesterday I was reading a personal journal here on the weightloss journals board - that of a lovely young lady, username "Thicky". Another reader, "Dusk" posted the following incredibly great advice and I thought I'd post it here to keep for myself. Personally I had pinpointed some of these triggers for myself, but had never heard it described in such a good concise way - with an acrobym you can pull out in times of distress to remind yourself what is going on when you are in the throes of the irrational binge thinking … Thank you Dusk!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by dusk
The first thing that I learned to do was to try and slow down my thinking when I wanted to eat/binge and throw all my efforts down the toilet.

To do this, take several deep breaths to calm yourself down. Close your eyes and really concentrate on your breathing -- breath deeply and slowly and let it out slowly feeling calmness sweeping over you slowing you down. Then [COLOR=Indigo]ask yourself "WHY" you want to eat? [/COLOR] Continue to breath deeply and listen for the answer. We all have an inner voice that tells us things and when we want to eat when we know we shouldn't, that voice is very active. The thing is, we've learned not to listen to it.

Let's say your inner voice tells you are lonely. Don't just acknowledge that, but push deeper. Don't ask "WHY" you are lonely, but ask, [COLOR=DarkRed]"What is it that I need?"[/COLOR]

Being single, lonliness is one that gets me all the time. Sometimes my inner voice tells me that I need to be held. Well, that's just not possible for me so I push even deeper. Is it that I need to be held or is it something else? Usually the answer comes and I find that I need some kindness and love. That's when I realize that my inner voice has been particularly nasty to me lately. I sit down, close my eyes and start breathing deeply. I imagine that I am being held and soothed. I know it sounds kind of corny, but really, we can be our worst critics and worst enemies. The whole idea is to calm ourselves down because the eating cycle we get into is the result of anxiety. When we release the tension that has built up inside, the desire to binge/overeat, or whatever happens to you starts to disappear. Sometimes I even end up crying because the tension has been so great, but I gotta tell you, it works. The desire to stuff my face with bad things goes away and if I really am hungry, I can now choose the correct things to put into my mouth and even control my portion sizes.

(Side point: Sometimes that inner voice can be very biting. One day it said the most hateful things to me! I chose not to agree with it. I would not allow myself to give it the fuel it needed to survive. Each and every time I did this, that hateful voice started to become quieter and quieter.)

The next thing I learned was about the acronym HALT + B. It means this:

Never get too [COLOR=DarkRed]HUNGRY[/COLOR]
Never get too [COLOR=DarkOliveGreen]ANGRY (emotional)[/COLOR]
Never get too [COLOR=DarkOrange]LONELY[/COLOR]
Never get too [COLOR=Navy]TIRED[/COLOR]
Never get too [COLOR=Sienna]BORED[/COLOR]

So, if I get particularly tired, I know I'll go for food and that inner voice will become VERY active. When I find that I'm having food fantasies, I remember to HALT! Then I run down the list and try to figure out which of them is causing me a problem.

These two techniques have helped me out greatly over the last 6 weeks. I hope they will help you too. It took me a while to remember to employ these tactics, but once I started to remember and realized how effective they were, it became easier and easier to do them.

I know how frustrating all of this can be, but remember it IS possible to overcome it.

Remember to slow down and breath . . . try to figure out what it is that is pushing you to eat too much or not on plan. That's just two of the keys to being successful on this journey.
----------------------------------

Weight
128*

Food
calories: 1819
carbs: 60
fats: 109 55%

Exercise
Rest Day

*as of 4/14/06. Next weigh-in on 4/21/06
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Old 04-17-2006, 07:44 PM   #43
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April 17, 2006

10:02 pm
Today was a great relaxing day! I mapped a new run on www.mapyourrun.com a great great website for anyone who likes to run or walk and wants to know their approximate mileage - even off-road!! It is very very cool. So, I found an acceptable close-to-6 mile run and I had a great time. The weather was brisk and before I set off I saw the start of the women's race of the Boston Marathon, returning in time to watch the rest of the marathon with DH. We had a nice on-plan lunch and then we hit the gym!!! so that DH could get in a workout. I didn't feel like more running or weights which I usually do not do on a Monday, so I jumped in the pool for a good cardio workout, then a jacuzzi and sauna and I felt so good afterward!! What fun to do something different!

One of the trainers had asked me to join his class that is starting up and so I signed up for it … I hope I don't regret this!! lol!! He calls the class "Rounds" and apparently it is kickboxing! I did a little of it when I joined my daughter in his kids' class .. anyhow I suppose I'll replace part of my Saturday workout with it once it starts up … Stay tuned for "Tada! The Extreme Fighter" coming soon to an emergency room near you ....

My ten year old daughter read an essay to me over the phone that she wrote about me to send in to my parents' local paper for their mother's day contest .. it is very sweet. If I can get a hold of it, I will enter it into my journal here.

I did not eat all the food I planned on eating today as 1) I have not been hungry tonight, 2) am not trying to stick to a certain level for the carb ladder experimentation this week, and 3) tomorrow dh is taking me out for my birthday, so chances are my calories will end up at about 2000, so a low day today is not a bad thing!!

It is interesting that on days when I just eat to be below 70 carbs, 1850 calories, my carbs tend to stay at around 60 and calories can vary 1650-2000. It is a great feeling to know that I can feel satisfied (most days!!) at around this level with the foods currently on my "ok" list thanks to the carb ladder work I've been doing!!!

I actually find doing the carb ladder at times very tedious when I have to have some higher carb item for the sake of the experiment and so cannot have the lower one I really want because the calories don’t tally, etc. Anyhow, if I get totally bored of it again when I jump into grains, I will do what I have done this week and take a carb ladder vacation every now and then!!! God, I just love how in control of all of this I feel and that control makes me so incredibly optimistic that Lifetime Maintenance is firmly in my reach. It is going to happen for me. I will be one of the few who keep it off for life.

----------------------------------

Weight
128*

Food
calories: 1633
carbs: 54
fats: 108 61%

Exercise
Run: 54 min 48 sec, 5.72 miles hilly terrain
Swim: 25 minutes laps

*as of 4/14/06. Next weigh-in on 4/21/06
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Old 04-18-2006, 07:16 AM   #44
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Stats: 297/231/<200 (6'0", 47 y.o.)
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Start Date: Back on track 9/7/11
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAULINE!!!!!

What a wonderful gift you have given yourself. Freedom!!

Hope your day is wonderful.

Alex
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Old 04-18-2006, 07:27 PM   #45
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Stats: 236.5 /132.5/ 128-133 @5'3"
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Start Date: 6/03 & Goal! 5/06
Thanks Alex!!!!!! You know what? You are right ... freedom from this burden has been the best gift I have given myself in my life with the one exception of the children I have had. Isn't it amazing that such an incredible thing is entirely within our grasp, not dependant on anyone else, but us??? We are the ONLY ones who can give ourselves the gift of life and rebirth. P

----------------------------------

April 18, 2006

10:09 pm
I just had a great birthday! I've just had the most lovely birthday dinner at a new very nice restaurant and it was just great! Ate a few too many calories and drank too much wine, but the carbs stayed low ... I just ate a lot, lol!! It is great to be able to order lc at a restaurant and be happy with your selections ... I could definitely eat like this the rest of my life - without the grains and higher carb foods, I think ...

Is "Struggle" Good?

I strongly believe that if we did not struggle to lose the weight, we would not make the journey we need to make - to realize the profound life changes we go through when we do this. We would never ever be ready to maintain a weightloss this huge and would gain it back if we had not faced the temptations during weightloss that we will face daily every day of our life. I think struggle is CRITICAL to getting this right.

Each little upset, each downward spiral that we can then overcome becomes a success ... a life lesson, a new skill, a shiny new weapon in our arsenal, ready to be whipped out the next time the evil one comes a-calling in the form of a doughnut or an all-you-can-eat-buffet.

Personally, I think I HAD to re-gain those 20 lbs in 2005 in order to be in a more secure place today. Easy for me to say as I am over the hump mostly, but hindsight is 20/20 and I can see it now. Every single person out there struggling, losing a battle here and there even, but continuing to stay in the game and refusing to be chased away from their dream, is on the path to their dream.

I just pulled a book out of my bookcase. I read it three years ago when I was starting this wol to psyche me up for my journey, to make sure that where I was headed was the goal of lifetime maintenance, not just quick instant weightloss. It inspired me then, but I think when I really need it is now, so I am going to re-read it and will likely post some notes in here. It is Thin For Life:10 Keys to Success From People Who Have Lost Weight and Kept It Off by Anne M. Fletcher. Straight From The Horse's Mouth, so to speak ….

----------------------------------

Weight
128*

Food
calories: 2479
carbs: 62
fats: 148 55%

Exercise
Run: 40 minues
Weights: 45 minutes (upper body)

*as of 4/14/06. Next weigh-in on 4/21/06

Last edited by TaDa!; 04-18-2006 at 07:28 PM..
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Old 04-18-2006, 09:16 PM   #46
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TaDa, I need to read these words today... Thank you. I will be looking forward to reading the notes from the book.
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Old 04-19-2006, 05:18 PM   #47
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Hey girl! I just wanted to pop in and say you are doing great. I have been lurking and I am impressed at your progress. Keep up the good work
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Old 04-20-2006, 05:51 PM   #48
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Lexus I am glad I could make sense to someone other than myself But seriously, I know you have been struggling. You need to label what happened for what it was: bad choices, bad eating - even one slice of that pizza, lol! But to move on without recrimination. Not one glance back. It was what it was. hopefully there is a lesson in it for you that you can recognize now and you must try your hardest not to repeat it. I know you can do this!!!! Pauline

Jackielbrown Thanks for lurking, lol!! We Superwomen have to stick together! Pauline

----------------------------------

April 20, 2006

8:44 pm I spent my time that I might have journaled yesterday writing "my story" from starting Atkins in June 2003 until the current time. It really does belong here in my journal, but it is three posts long and difficult to get the pictures to display properly, so I will simply link to it here:

My Weightloss Story: June 2003-April 2006

Many people had asked me to write "my goal story" and it is actually a relief to have it down on paper finally. It has been hard for me to say definitively whether I am at goal or not as I am unsure myself at this point. And so I did not want to write a "Goal" story. I will save that for a future time when I have been at goal for a while and maintained it … Maintenance, now that would be a story worth writing!!

I am touched by the response to my post. I know that there are many others out there like me who need to hear that it can be done without any crazy weightloss schemes - that they do not have to deprive themselves or hold themselves up to some crazy standard of perfection in an attempt to win a race. This is no race. This is serious stuff. This is a shot at happiness.

From the time I was a young child, I would wish on every birthday candle, every star, every penny fountain for one wish. It is very very sad for me to contemplate that now. It was not a wish for my true love, a shiny new bicycle, some rare talent, immortality, incredible wealth … All I ever wished for was to become thin.

Such a powerful all-consuming desire. Why would you ever risk a shot at health and happiness for some crackpot quick weightloss scheme?

----------------------------------

Weight
128*

Food
April 19
calories: 2138
carbs: 62
fats: 149 64%
April 20
calories: 1617
carbs: 51
fats: 108 62%

Exercise
April 19
Run: 40 minutes
Weights: 45 minutes (lower body)
April 20
Rest Day (well, one mile run with my 10 year old!)

*as of 4/14/06. Next weigh-in on 4/21/06
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Old 04-21-2006, 06:35 PM   #49
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April 21, 2006

8:15 am
I have lost a half pound this week, just in line with Dr. Atkins guidelines for pre-Maintenance., Oddly, it had nothing to do with carbs or specific foods. I ate pretty much as I have been prior to the bean rung of the Carb Ladder - just by preference not by design. The difference? More calories and meals out this week, birthday week with the children at my folks' house - a very rare occasion!!! I averaged around 1950 calories a day. It has been easy in a sense that I have eaten what I have wanted to eat. The one thing that I'd have changed perhaps would be to have an extra 200 calories a day … so I have been thinking again about what I'd like my food life to look like on Maintenance:

My Maintenance Wishlist

 To go up to 2200 calories a day in order to add a "mini-meal" so that I can have both a mid-morning workout snack and an evening snack. Right now I can only do one or another and stay within my weightloss calories …

 To have a daily carb intake of up to 70 carbs, with a day or two of higher carb for restaurant eating.

 To be able to eat one "bad" food a week (eaten at restaurant) in addition to the usual few glasses of wine. Of course I'd like more than one bad food a week, but if I can have at least one, I will be satisfied! What this would mean would be, maybe one order of french fries a week, or one breaded deep fried dish per week.

 To be able to cut down my exercise days to 5 days a week from my current 6 days a week.

I think if I can get to this place, I will be quite pleased! I don’t think this is an unreasonable goal for maintenance and I think it will allow me enough latitude to feel satisfied if you consider that my current daily food keeps me quite happy - except that I'd like another snack, lol!!!!! Of course there will be weeks when I have more than one "bad" food and I have to compensate by cutting calories and carbs the next day … but if I can get to this place, I think I will have a liveable equation!!!

2:25 pm I am amazed at the amount of people who struggle with the same binge issues that I suffer. I am very grateful that my post has possibly put the idea of "binge-eating disorder" in front of some people who it may help.

It's funny, I just stumbled onto the whole idea of "binge disorder" and the binge-restrict-binge-cycle while trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with me by reading books on the subject of overeating .. and Thank God for that! I am really glad I wrote out my story including the excruciatingly boring retelling of my binge struggles. I guess with all the quick fixes that abound, and our natural desires to get off the weight as quickly as possible, it is easy to get sucked right into the methods that probably are responsible for our obesity in the first place. I wish I could hug every single person who has shared with me their own binge "secret." We are not alone and we can do something about this without going to a head doctor .. but we do have to work on our own heads if we are to succeed ..

8:49 pm I think I will likely post the following on Main Board at some point to help others.

Following is a list of books that I have read which have helped me in various ways. I cannot think of a single one of them that I can name as "the perfect book for you to read," because they each had major faults in my eyes, but that said, each book had a chapter or two that threw out a new idea that just blew me away - a new way of thinking and understanding that has been essential to me and my ability to help myself ..

[COLOR=blue]Books:[/COLOR]

The Solution: 6 Winning Ways to Permaneant Weight Loss by Lauren Mellin, M.A., R.D.

See some of the exercises from her book that I summarize here and how I did the exercise for myself too:

(1) Your Body Image: An Essential Key to Weightloss and to Keeping It Off Once You Lose
http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/sh...d.php?t=352251

(2) Why We Stay Heavy: What Being Heavy is Doing or Saying for You
http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/sh...d.php?t=352924

The Taming of the Chew : A Holistic Guide to Stopping Compulsive Eating, by Denise Lamothe

See Post: Topic For Thought: Setting Boundaries In Your Life From Those Who Would Violate Them. Here:
Topic For Thought: Setting Boundaries In Your Life From Those Who Would Violate Them

Life is Hard, Food Is Easy by Linda Spangle, RN, MA

Why Weight? A Guide To Compulsive Eating by Geneen Roth

Feeding the Hungry Heart: The Experience of Compulsive Eating by Geneen Roth

[COLOR=blue]Free Articles:[/COLOR]

"Just Say No" By Geneen Roth (an article in Prevention Magazine). Here:
http://www.prevention.com/article/0,...5559-1,00.html

"Why You Really Eat" by Geneen Roth (an article in Prevention Magazine). Here:
http://www.prevention.com/article/0...-3558-1,00.html

Satisfying Mind Hunger: How to stop when you've had enough by Geneen Roth (an article in Prevention Magazine). Here:
http://www.prevention.com/article/0...-3633-1,00.html?

"Helping Your 'Not-Thin' Kids: What parents should (and shouldn't) do" by Elaine Magee, MPH, RD. here: http://www.webmd.com/content/Article/117/112687.htm
(This article illustrates how I became a binge eater and was very helpful for me to read even though the topic seems not related .. it is.)


p.s. money is tight for us with me as a SAHM and so I get most of my books from the library. I can look up online whether they have a book, use my library card to "order" it and they email me when it is ready to pick up at the library. When I have found books that I want to own, I go to either half or amazon (used) and buy them used for almost nothing. I always buy ones in good condition. Usually end up being around $5 including postage.

Also the articles above by Geneen Roth are available at the Prevention Magazine website for free. I have a subscription to Prevention Magazine and I think it is very inexpensive and always has a number of articles and exercise tips that I cut out to save!


----------------------------------

Weight
127.5*

Food
calories: 1839
carbs: 60
fats: 119 59%

Exercise
Run: 60 minutes 9.7 minute mile

*as of 4/21/06. Next weigh-in on 4/28/06

Last edited by TaDa!; 04-21-2006 at 06:54 PM..
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Old 04-22-2006, 05:30 PM   #50
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April 22, 2006

7:59 am
I actually have spent the last two days focusing on outdoor activities with both girls to take advantage of the good weather while it lasts and to put some of my goals for my little girls into practice. On Thursday, my little one was at school, and so I promised my older ten-year old daughter we'd spend a mother-daughter day .. but rather than going out to lunch and shopping at the mall I took her to run a mile together!

Last year her school participated in the Presidential Challenge and she was very upset and worried about it. There was no way I could help her to do a chin-up .. for god's sakes, I don't think I could do one!! But I could help teach her how to pace herself to run a mile. So we went out for a training session and lo and behold, she did it! A 13 minute mile.

I could see that this might be a great activity for her. She is naturally thin, eats like a normal person and is fairly active although she'd sit in front of a computer or television a LOT if I let her. She plays soccer - in fact we have a game in about an hour - in a children's league in town. But the teams are getting more competitive and they start travel teams next year and I am so afraid that she will not "make" a team and be disillusioned even more about sports than she is already from gym class. One thing that I did not have in my life before now was a love of physical activity and confidence in my abilities. I want to give that to my girls. I think it is extrememly important for girls specifically.

And running is perfect! You go at your own pace. You try to beat your best time. You go for personal records. It can be social. You can jog along yapping to your buddies. You can do it anywhere. And it is an easy way to stay in shape.

So on Thursday, we went off on a mile run in the woods on a hilly trail and she did great. I told her that in order to pace ourselves it was best if we talked, so we had a conversation as we jogged. I think she really enjoyed it! I know she can run farther, but she chose not to and that was just fine. She really enjoyed the trail run as opposed to the track run we'd done before. It was a beautiful day and the trail was nice and dry. We walked a mile back rather than continuing to run, but every now and then she'd up and sprint a few yards. We then went to a pond nearby and had a picnic lunch. It was a great day!

I have noticed that my youngest daughter has gotten a little pudgy in the last while although she has gotten taller and achieved "average" height, lol! … she seems to have my appetite … poor thing! lol!!! So I have been working on a plan to slim her down a little … but my goals have been 1) that she not notice or feel that she is not getting to eat when she wants to eat and 2) that we limit tv time and "boredom" time as much as possible.

And it seems to be a big success so far!! Yesterday afternoon, I took both girls and one of their friends on an uphill hike to the highest point in the Merrimack Valley where you can see the Boston skyline some 25 miles away and they all had a great time! We spread out a picnic blanket and broke out fruit and water when we got to the top!

I have also been throwing them outside to play when they come home from school, weather permitting, as my youngest tends to play the day away without constantly asking for snacks when she is preoccupied with play.

On the food front, my little one seems to have similar tastes to mine and I would not be at all surprised should she announce one day that she'd like to be a vegetarian - for both food and moral reasons. So far, I have changed her breakfast to a bowl of fruit - cantaloupe, watermelon and strawberry chunks. And have tried to take the starches out of her dinner meals by giving her extra vegetables (like broccoli and cauliflower). She has LOVED both changes!!!! And actually said to me this morning, "Mommy, I know why you changed my breakfast … because you knew I'd love it so much … wow! Now that is success and a 360 degree about-face to how I viewed my mother's attempts at slimming me down.

Now … how to get the goldfish, cheese crackers, and pretzels out of the way so that she does not notice and so that my older dd who naturally self-regulates her weight can still have them …. Hmmmm ……

7:21 pm Went to the gym late this afternoon and had some nice compliments! An older gentleman I talk to sometimes, said to me "You've lost weight!!!!" and I said "yeah since September I've lost …" and he replied "No, in the last few weeks!!" Weird, can't be more than 2 or 3 pounds!!!

And a guy who turns out to be a cop in local Sherriff's Office complimented me on my running. I was on the track while he was on the treadmill … and I could see he was very out-of-shape, lol! But I could also see that he killing himself and shamelessly thought to myself (because that's how I psyche myself up) that "hmmmmmm he feels shamed by the likes of me running pretty darned fast fairly effortlessly this afternoon!!! Yay me!" …. Heh heh heh looks like I was right, he came looking for me in the weights room

It is funny, as I was running today - alone without my running partner - I came up with a little mantra in my head … "Don’t you wish you were me?" (meaning .. don’t you wish you could run like me?"), lol!! Nothing like a little psychological warfare to get me going, apparently!!

Well, my good run was either that, or maybe the Latortilla add-in today?! I did enjoy it, I must say … we'll see what story the scale tells in the morning! I weighed in at 127.75 (unofficially) this morning.

----------------------------------

Weight
127.5*

Food
calories: 1841
carbs: 60
fats: 122 61%

Exercise
Run: 40 minutes <9minute mile!!!
Weights: 35 minutes (upper body)

*as of 4/21/06. Next weigh-in on 4/28/06
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Old 04-22-2006, 05:43 PM   #51
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TaDa, your gals are sooo lucky to have you as a mom. I do watch what my lil ones eat and I too have cut down their rice and pasta they use to eat for more vegies, and they don't even know the difference I can't wait unil we can all go hiking as a family!

Cheers to you and yours
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Old 04-23-2006, 05:18 PM   #52
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Lexus! You must have very little ones!! We actually just re-started hiking this year now that our youngest is 5. She still cannot go very far, but we take a lot of breaks along the way and planned picnics, etc! We live adjacent to conservation land and are a few hundred yards from a state park, so we can just walk outside and go for a hike in the woods

------------------------

April 23, 2006

7:59 pm
One of my online friends has reminded me of the many many vegetarian dishes I used to make that I may be able to resurrect now that I have added foods on the Carb Ladder! With a little bit of tweaking to omit unneccessary high carb ingredients (why eat them at home?! I'm a good enough cook to make anything taste good … and an exceedingly modest one too!!! I'll save the higher carbs for restaurant eating!).

In the old days most of these dishes were eaten over rice or pasta, or like an incredible stuffed cabbage recipe I have, used a lot of bread or potato. Anyhow, I thought I would list here some foods / old recipes I need to look over and try and convert ….

Chilean Squash Casserole from the Moosewood Cookbook
(has some sweet corn in it, but not too much! And I'm at "grains" in the Carb Ladder!! Okey dokey just looked it up and it has about a half cup per serving of casserole which adds 14 net carbs … to the carb count in there already from the squash, peppers and onions … maybe I can swing it like that, and maybe I'd have to reduce the corn in the recipe. But what I can tolerate remains to be seen in the next few months!)

Arabian Squash Cheese Casserole from the Moosewood Cookbook
(looks like it IS lc and from my notes, apparently we loved it!!)

(Vegetable Stroganoff from the Moosewood Cookbook
(I could serve it over sheratake fettucine or over dreamfields!!! Cool!!!

Unbelievable Sloppy Joes Recipe!!!
(I am just now testing tortillas and soon bread and rolls on Carb Ladder! The recipe itself is lc as far as I remember … except for sugar but I'll sub in splenda!!)

Recipe for Homemade Felafel
(never had this but it looks lc and so yum! Can you imagine if I can eat lc pita … oh what a treat that would be!!!)

Eggplant Couchara from the Sunday at Moosewood Cookbook, p. 443
(OMG! I loved this!!! but it has 1/4 cup of bread crumbs … lc breadcrumbs … here I come!!)

Stuffed Cabbage from the Sunday at Moosewood Cookbook, p. 4152
(This page is so worn!! Another favorite .. uses 5 slices of bread .. like a slice per serving. Lc bread again!! The only thing is that I loved this served over curried rice with corn and peas … maybe I can make the same thing with riced cauliflower … A lot of work though! Maybe a holiday meal!! Oh yum yum!)

I have to laugh at some of my notes in my cookbooks giving exact calorie and fat counts … obviously used this while I was doing lowfat in the early 90s to cook for me and my boyfriend .. now husband! lol!!!

----------------------------------

Weight
127.5*

Food
calories: 1967
carbs: 59
fats: 132 61%

Exercise
Rest Day

*as of 4/21/06. Next weigh-in on 4/28/06
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Old 04-23-2006, 09:07 PM   #53
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Wow some of those were sounding quite tasty, does your hubbie eat the same as you or do you have to cook different meals?

Yes my lil gals are 8 and 3, we do walk around the neighborhood with our dogs, and my youngest drives her barbie jeep sometimes a whole lot better then some adults in real cars
you are quite lucky to live where you do I am envious (sp?)

Have a great day
Me
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Old 04-24-2006, 07:38 PM   #54
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Hi Lexus! DH used to eat the same as I did - with the occasonal meat for him, but since I started lc'ing 3 years ago, I started just making them meat more often and making my own meals lc and vegetarian. He has changed some of what he eats to keep trim ... i.e. more lc, than before, but he is more moderate carb + some, lol!! it is not easy cooking differently for everyone, but my results are worth it for me!!

------------------------------------

April 24, 2006

* Personal Best for me today. I ran 6.7 miles (one hour) at a 9 minute mile. I have run shorter distances at that pace, but doing this distance at 9 is a real victory for me. I am confident that I can improve on it too with more work ..

* I have decided not to worry about upping carbs for the meanwhile and just focus on the food add-ins while doing the lc grains - because it is possible to keep the carbs stable. I just think it adds in too many elements to be adding in a new food and a new carb level if you don't have to!! If the weight is affected, how do you then know what it is??!!

I may not have the luxury of this for much longer though as the real grains add a wallop of carbs, but I will do it as long as I can. When left to my own devices, I tend to keep my carbs at 50-70 carbs naturally, so I will just go with it!! I think!!! I do find the menu work sometimes very tedious trying to get the right amounts for the sake of the "experiment" and think, "Gawd if I could just choose my meals the way I did before the Carb Ladder ...." lol! But I realize this is a temporary situation and I will be normalizing pretty soon ...

* Went out to dinner yesterday even though I did not want to and ate fine, but I think I felt unhappy that I did not want to eat out and I was exhausted. I know my hunger was not belly hunger, but I still ate some yogourt with protein powder when I got home to bring my calorie count up to the higher limits. Don't get me wrong, it was ok, but my reasons behind it were not so ok (unhappy with dinner, and extreme exhaustion), I think … something to keep an eye on.

I have also have been wanting to eat more than usual the past week or two - closer to 2000, whereas before I was averaging about 1850 … thing is, although the weightloss has slowed, I have pants getting loose, bodyfat reducing, according to the monitor and the measurements, and am going up in weights on my weightlifting in areas that have been hard for me to improve much in lifting!! so something is going on .... I will tweak some and watch it, but I think I am doing ok. I have to keep telling myself that my goal is bodyfat reduction right now NOT scale weight. It is a very very difficult to transition to this way of thinking. Very difficult.

But ESSENTIAL to lifetime success.


Weight
127.5*

Food
calories: 1751
carbs: 59
fats: 117 62%

Exercise
Run: 60 minutes …. 9.08 minute mile!!!

*as of 4/21/06. Next weigh-in on 4/28/06
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Old 04-25-2006, 06:40 PM   #55
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April 25, 2006

3:32 pm
I was talking to a guy at the gym today. He is a bodybuilder, but not one of these drop-dead gorgeous mouth hanging-open guys. He has been in the Mr. Olympia contest. You can kind of infer that the bodybuilding maybe started in reaction to some perceived sense of inferiority on his part. Not that it matters, but I can see it as probably can others. Anyway, he is a lovely guy.

I don't know how we got into the conversation - can't quite remember - but he mentioned that if his wife were to see him talking to a woman at the gym, that she would think he was sleeping with her .. that his wife, age 35 to his 48, would be very very jealous. (I'll just interject here that I dress VERY conservatively at my gym. Not needing any extra attention … and, although I am friendly, no one in their right mind would ever interpret my conversations with any man there in that way .. lol! My husband doesn't! lol!!).

Anyhow, we talked a little bit about that, but the topic just sent me hurtling back through my memory to the insane jealousies and insecurities of my youth with respect to men in my life and with respect to situations where I felt my own self-worth was at stake. It is embarassing to even contemplate some of the words or actions that my own unhappiness unleashed on others (and on myself). When I look back, I do not see how I could have been any other way. When I was in the throes of jealousy, I do not think I could have produced rational thought. I needed a teacher, but I was the only one available to do the job …

How good it is to have moved beyond that - on my own - even if it took me to middle age to get there. These days I am downright egotistical. I Like Myself and do not need to prove myself to anyone.

I also know that we cannot force love, that we cannot change anyone or their view of ourselves. All we can do is to be the best person we can be and to know that when we are, our true beauty shines through and is irresistible. And life is grand.

It feels great to be irresistible.

-------------------------------------------------

Weight
127.5*

Food
calories: 1806
carbs: 70
fats: 114 58%

Exercise
Run: 40 minutes …. Reasonably fast
Weights: 45 minutes (legs, abs and obliques)

*as of 4/21/06. Next weigh-in on 4/28/06
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Old 04-25-2006, 09:00 PM   #56
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Hey girl...nice job on that PR of 9 minute miles...thats HUGE!! You are a speed demon!!

I wanted to comment on your maintance goals. I think they look GREAT, and I think you will suprise yourself about how many carbs you can eat while you exercise. I can eat over 180g a day and maintain with no problems, and I feel best eating about 150g or so. Keep upping them because your body is using them with your workouts for sure.
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Old 04-26-2006, 04:21 AM   #57
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Start Date: 6/03 & Goal! 5/06
Thanks for the encouragement JLB! LOL!! 9 minute and below is pretty darned good for me unfortunately! lol!! I figure I'll never be fast ... but, hey! at least I can run and go a reasonable distance .. I think I could get down to an 8 minute mile eventually with more training!

The carb thing is going to go pretty slow for me I think .. but i do notice a difference in my workouts on days where my carb levels are higher the day before! I guess I just have to find a good balance. I detest lowfat, lol! so I'm going to have to find a happy medium ... It is great to see your success switching from regular lowcarb to moderate carb and you can bet I will be coming a'knockin' on your door at some point with questions about transitioning up!!

Thanks for stopping by!! It is an honor!

Pauline
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Old 04-26-2006, 05:36 PM   #58
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 16,291
Gallery: TaDa!
Stats: 236.5 /132.5/ 128-133 @5'3"
WOE: Atkins Maintenance (Vegetarian + Fish)
Start Date: 6/03 & Goal! 5/06
April 26, 2006

The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed.

- Sebastien-Roch Chamfort

-------------------------------------------------

Weight
127.5*

Food
calories: 1714
carbs: 63
fats: 101 53%

Exercise
Run: 40 minutes …. Reasonably fast
Weights: 40 minutes (Arms, Shoulders, Back)

*as of 4/21/06. Next weigh-in on 4/28/06
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Old 04-26-2006, 08:44 PM   #59
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Start Date: Time to make this a lifestyle!
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaDa!
Thanks for the encouragement JLB! LOL!! 9 minute and below is pretty darned good for me unfortunately! lol!! I figure I'll never be fast ... but, hey! at least I can run and go a reasonable distance .. I think I could get down to an 8 minute mile eventually with more training!

The carb thing is going to go pretty slow for me I think .. but i do notice a difference in my workouts on days where my carb levels are higher the day before! I guess I just have to find a good balance. I detest lowfat, lol! so I'm going to have to find a happy medium ... It is great to see your success switching from regular lowcarb to moderate carb and you can bet I will be coming a'knockin' on your door at some point with questions about transitioning up!!

Thanks for stopping by!! It is an honor!

Pauline
Girl...9 miute miles is NOT slow!! Do you know how long it too me to make 10 minute miles my average? You are doing GREAT!

I do want to mention one thing. I am a believer in "if it aint broke dont fix it" but it isnt necesaarily a good thing to be working out as long as you are. You should really try to seperate your cardio and weight workouts for maximum benefits.

And about you carb intake, I think you are doing great. You are folloing atkins and making it work, which is what I did. I was shocked to see I can eat almost 200g carbs a day and not gain an ounce. I like low fat though so I kept going. You'll find your balance
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Pre-pregnancy: 118.0
Pregnancy: 153.5
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Current 12/7: 98.0
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Old 04-27-2006, 06:53 PM   #60
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Join Date: Jun 2003
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WOE: Atkins Maintenance (Vegetarian + Fish)
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Jackie, you are right on the money vis-a-vis the exercise, I think. The whole excessive cardio thing was a way to jumpstart weightloss when I found myself at 162 ... and it worked great, as did the 4 weight workouts (in 2 splits) for maintaining muscle - as suggested by a trainer .. but I think I am entering a different stage and need to reassess goals ... that is a very hard thing. I have been mulling it over.

If you go to a trainer, he/she will ask you "What are your fitness goals?" Well, in September I could say, I need to lose fat. I need to make sure I do not lose muscle," but today, I am not so sure what those goals are ...

Continued body reshaping ... yes definitely
Additional bodyfat loss ... yes definitely
Emphasis on running ... dunno
Emphasis on weightlifting ... dunno

Anyhow, the thought process continues! I am a great one for thinking on this kind of stuff for a few weeks before making my move, lol!!! Your comments are very helpful and I appreciate them! I am thinking I need to re-read BFFM in light of my "current stage of development" lol! and see what I can glean from the master himself!!!

As far as the 9 minute mile, lol!! I did not mean to dis' it at all!!! When I see those men, like dh, fly by me at under an 8 minute mile ... it kills me, lol!!! I finally caught up to one guy, a friend of mine who averages the 9 minute mile, lol!!! I must be secretly competitive

-------------------------------------------------

April 27, 2006

9:19 pm
As Jackie pointed out with exercise, there is the question whether my workout is properly tailored to my current needs? I think I could cut back some - maybe implement two rest days a week. I have certainly felt as though I have needed it the last two weeks as I have upped my intensity. But this extends to my entire way of life … and this is something I have been contemplating lately. Again, what is my weight / body goal and how do I get to it through food and exercise? I went to buy jeans today and the size 6s are already too baggy on me, with the size 4s snug.

I am adding in grain foods right now, the last rung of the ladder and have stopped adding carbs above 70 .. figuring that I am so close, a decision can wait until I know what all the various foods do to me. But this is just a form of procrastination. The weight this week has been dropping crazily - although tomorrow's official weigh-in may not be the same, this morning I weighed in at 125.25. Can I afford to keep dropping pounds? I am considering calling 125-130 as Goal even though, getting to 118 , where I'd be exactly half of my original weight, has been tempting for no other reason than to be able to wow myself!lol!

I would like to lose more fat, but can't I do this at Maintenance calories and carbs? Or is that just impossible??!! Maybe at a minimum, I need to call "Pre-Maintenance" and slow my weightloss down to .5 pound a week or less … I don't know …

One of many signs I have had lately ….

I had a funny thing happen today ... I did my usual workout for Thursday and both weights and running have increased in the last week and I have been feeling exhausted ..

Well, I got home, had my usual lunch, a little late because I went shopping for pants (none of mine fit suddenly), picked up my youngest one and I snapped. I never binge eat in the early afternoon!!!! Never have before!!! Well, I grabbed about 2 oz walnuts, ate them with coffee and then decided I should eat my usual 4 pm snack then and there before I got into other unplanned foods. By the time I had finished the snack, I felt some energy flood my body and went from what felt like I was about to crash to being able to cope with the big mess in the house I wanted to attack .. it left me thinking that maybe it was a blood sugar thing??!! It felt like a physical need with a direct physical outcome ... but maybe it was just me freaking out at the mess in the house??!!

It was very strange. Usually a binge would not have been only 2 oz of nuts, it would have been eating until I was sick. My calories and carbs for the day are just slightly on the high side - not enough to even maintain me at this weight, I would think. Anyhow, I did really really well!! I ate all the rest of my meals/snacks today and did not restrict in response and the outcome is only 370 calories, 4 carbs over what I would have eaten today. Success!!

I am considering taking an exercise rest day tomorrow in addition to Sunday. I think my body is signaling me ...

-------------------------------------------------

Weight
127.5*

Food
calories: 2176
carbs: 74
fats: 151 63%

Exercise
Run: 40 minutes …. Reasonably fast
Weights: 40 minutes (Legs, Abs, Obliques)

*as of 4/21/06. Next weigh-in on 4/28/06
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