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Old 03-06-2008, 07:24 AM   #421
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So, do you find that breakfast sticks with you till lunch? I don't think just a breakfast bar would stick with me very long.
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Old 03-06-2008, 11:41 AM   #422
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No breakfast does not stick with me til lunch!!! Hence the change for maintenance!!! I was eating about 240 calories, 15 carbs -- this new concoction will be 380 cals, 25 carbs ... and the ONLY reason I am not scheduling a mid-morning snack (something recommended in both books on binge eating) is that I am usually at the gym then and do not get back till lunchtime.

You also want to be able to maintain a weight of 185 versus my 128 ... so you would definitely be needing more than either one of those breakfasts!!!! Of course a bar wouldn't be enough for you!!!!!
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Old 03-07-2008, 03:37 AM   #423
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March 7, 2008

I was too tired to come in and opst last night! lol! So here I am this morning.

I have been corresponding with a number of people in pm's who have or think they have eating disorders related to binge eating. It is nice to be able to talk about all this and to share what I have read recently.

For one of my friends, I have done a bit of a summary on some of the info in the books and I will post it here as I know there are others who might be interested in this information. Some of it is a repeat from earlier posts:

I picked up a few good things to implement from the two books I've been reading -

Overcoming Binge Eating by Chris Fairburn and Binge No More: Your Guide to Overcoming Disordered Eating by Joyce D. Nash

1. Eat 6 planned meals a day at regular intervals - go no more than 3 hours between without a meal. Restrictive eating is one main cause of bingeing. Try not to forbid yourself any foods. Allow them in reasonable quantities.

2. Keep a food diary and note down your feelings when you eat. Also mark down any binges and the feelings there too.

3. Do not restrict food post-binge. Try to carry on as before without repercussions - extra dieting, extra exercise, etc - otherwise the cycle begins again and you are setting yourself up for a binge.

4. Binges are not isolated events. There is a chain of events that precedes a binge. There are a number of places in that chain where you can intervene. Try to note down all the reasons contributing to the binge.

I was ready to binge at the beginning of the week. My chain of events?

Very sick with sore throat, fever, etc.,
Took wrong medicine and had bad reaction,
Extremely Tired,
TOM cravings,
Lots of responsibilities to fulfill which I was too tired to fulfill
Upset because of 3 weeks no weight loss despite being perfectly on plan
Kept seeing a tub of brazil nuts on the counter and started obsessing on them ... started that binge planning stage ...

I finally said to myself, what are your options here? Throw out the nuts ..

My objections:

* well, I knew I could always retrieve them as the garbage had recently been taken out and there were lots of them.

* They were expensive and were my answer for not getting enough selenium - I was to have 1 every other day.

I realized I was just starting justify a binge again. I got up and threw them in the disposal and poof my urge disappeared. What else could I have done to intervene?

*taken a nap
*canceled one of the responsibilities overwhelming me
*asked my husband to fill in

We have to be aware of our feelings for food every day throughout the day and take action when we see the pressures building up.

If you are feeling powerless and upset about your bingeing, I really suggest reading some of those books. You are not alone in this.
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Old 03-07-2008, 05:40 AM   #424
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Thank you for this post, Pauline!
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Old 03-07-2008, 06:09 AM   #425
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Old 03-07-2008, 03:24 PM   #426
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Great post! Reminds me of the question you are supposed to ask yourself in The Solution: "What do I need right now?"

I just picked the Nash book up at the library last night. Plan to start reading it tonight. Thanks for the recommendation

Hope you have a wonderful Friday night.

(P.S. I got a Boden catalog in the mail yesterday and was looking through it. I saw this outfit this outfit and it made me smile because I thought of your post about stripes. LOL)
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Old 03-07-2008, 04:37 PM   #427
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Oh Yeah! That's my kinda top!!!! lol!!!! I tell you, I have a stripe problem ... almost as bad as the food problem

Hiya Monet!! Momov2!! I have more to post believe it or not! I started reading more in that book by Nash and there is a really really good chapter on problem solving!!!! Ya know, like I did above when I was ready to binge ... I haven't finished reading it yet, and am not sure I totally understand it yet - might have to read that chapter twice, but there are some definite good tools in there!!!!

I ordered a copy to purchase as this one is a library book
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Old 03-08-2008, 06:11 PM   #428
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March 8, 2008

Spent the afternoon at a recording studio with my 7 year old, lol! A group of them recorded a song for the talent show and will be performing a la Milli Vanilli as the dance number might mess them up if it were to be "live." It was kinda fun ... kinda boring ... and my poor little child star was exhausted after 3 hours of it! and so was I!

I've been thinking on another subject brought up in the Nash book and will maybe try to put it on paper here in my journal tomorrow - it has to do with perfectionism in ones dealing with the people in your life ... it has been eye-opening for me.

Apologies for the teaser, but I was just reading this thread on the Maintenance Matters board regarding weight creep when you are on maintenance and it brought up some thoughts I needed to get down on paper. The question is: how far do you go in weight creep before you do something about it, and what do you do? induction? what?

http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/ma...-maintain.html

So I began to think about my Maintenance and what will be my plan, also what will be my plan for weighing myself and I came up with some ideas:

More Maintenance Guidelines for Pauline:

While on normal menu:

see normal menu here: TaDa! The Lifelong Journey!!

1. While I follow the maintenance menu I posted above in my journal, I will weigh once weekly on Friday morning, because more likely than not, my extra foods will be on the weekend.

2. As long as my weight stays within 1 or 2 pounds of 128, while following that normal menu, I will carry on as usual assuming it is normal water fluctuations.

3. If my weight goes up beyond the 2 pounds or so without a good reason - like a meal out, I will re-evaluate my menu, maybe cut down a little bit, or go back to my weightloss menu, which means taking out the items in green for a while.

When I eat something carby or high calorie within my guidelines:

4. I will not weigh for a few days because weighing the day after or two days after will not give me any good information on my actual weight.

5. If after 4-5 days my weight has not resolved itself, I will simply go back to #3 above.

6. Post a weekly weigh-in weight in my signature with maybe a category for "This Week's Menu": Regular Maintenance, or Weightloss back to 128, etc.

Last edited by TaDa!; 03-08-2008 at 06:13 PM..
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Old 03-08-2008, 06:18 PM   #429
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That sounds like a really well-thought out plan. Maybe something I can model my maintenance plan off of in the distant future.
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Old 03-09-2008, 05:32 AM   #430
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Not having a solid plan is what has had me yo-yo'ing during maintenance and although I never gained it "back," it has not been the dream maintenance I had envisioned!!! Definitely need a good plan! Now, mine probably is over-planned compared to most, but "once bitten, twice shy" and all that!!! lol!!!

p.s. MissMinda, it isn't all that distant as it might appear!!!
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Old 03-09-2008, 10:01 AM   #431
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Oh, I'm definitely an over-planner, myself. You should see my lesson plans. hehe
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Old 03-09-2008, 02:05 PM   #432
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March 9, 2008

I have been doing some thinking on the topic of Perfectionism - as it related to the topic in Nash's book. She says some very interesting things about typical binge eaters and bulimics and how they relate to life - outside the subject of food and it applies to me so much and I am so so so working to change - having it spelled out for me is really helpful in that I can identify my behavior when it happens. I've always known something was not quite right with respect to these situations, but rather than being able to name it, it has just remained a vague dissatisfaction with myself -- thinking there is something different about me that makes me relate to people like this. Nice to have a framework to understand it.

One form this perfectionism takes is in the form of "dysfunctional thinking" - where those with EDs are overly anxious and concerned with gaining the approval of others and, to use another Nash term, they "catastrophize". In doing so, they create a sense of overwhelming stress that may or may not even be real. They compare themselves to others or to their own ideal, always failing to meet the expectation.

Nash also discusses cognitive errors we make, ways of thinking we need to change in order to change our emotions. The errors she pinpoints are: Dichotomous Thinking (i.e. black and white thinking), Emotional Thinking, Overgeneralization, Catastrophizing, Mind Reading, Self-fulfilling Prophecy.

It strikes me that I have not yet progressed very far with the categories of: Catastrophizing and Mind Reading. I don't think it is a coincidence that these cause me the most distress and panic. I think they are likely are probably the two issues most deeply ingrained, learned behaviors from childhood, as opposed to the others that I have mostly resolved - which I probably developed as an adult.

Catastrophizing is the act of seeing disaster at every turn. I do this and send myself into a panic that leads to the binge urge and in the past, to uncontrollable weeks and months of binge. I fantasize that every little bump is going to lead to the most extreme and untenable situation over which I will have no control whatsoever and my emotions spiral out of control. My need to forget, to self-soothe means a sudden intense need for food in the form of binge.

Mind Reading is the belief that you know what others are thinking and then acting if it is a fact - that they look down on you. In my case, that they know I am somehow less than others, unwrthy of respect or friendship or acceptance.

It is funny I realized lately going over to another family's house, that I have actually limited my children's social spheres because I was so concerned over what other people would think of my house - living in a very affluent community, and also wanting it to be perfectly clean and tidy before even a child would be allowed to come visit. Recently I realized how insane that is when I was over a woman's very big house - with staff (lol!) and it was a big mess the few times I'd been there - ok, she does have people clean it, and cook meals, etc etc but it does not bother her in the least to have the house strewn with coats and papers and toys. The problem I have is a perceptual problem of my own making -- no one could care less whether the countertop in the kitchen is tidy and here's me making my kids wait for playdates, etc etc.

One other topic from another source, the topic of boundaries plays into this whole thing ... where I try to gain acceptance by being overly solicitous, overly helpful, rather than requiring a give-and-take relationship.

How to move beyond this thinking is a whole other subject - that of problem solving, coping, etc. A binge eater binges to cope and we need to replace that coping mechanism with better ones ... a topic for a whole other post.

There are a lot more topics to this book -- it is very full of important concepts. I am only highlighting the ones useful to me right now, but there is a whole chapter on body image, for example - other places there is a section on self-soothing with different methods ... there is almost too much in the book to take it in during a single read.
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Old 03-09-2008, 04:37 PM   #433
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Awesome posts Tada! After this last one, I am definitely getting this book. I can see myself in the examples you have given and gosh, if I could get to the bottom of this ED I would be so thrilled/grateful! Wow! Thanks for such insightful posts! Be blessed!
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Old 03-10-2008, 01:41 PM   #434
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Thanks Penny!! I also forgot to write about the subject of "Shame" which Nash says plays a big part in the emotions of those with an ED. My copy of the book I bought arrived today!!! and I am psyched hee hee to own my own copy ...

Now I need to go out and buy a package of those post-it flags to mark passages .. I got a "like new" copy off of half.com for very cheap ...

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Old 03-10-2008, 03:00 PM   #435
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March 10, 2008

I am feeling really good about myself. I went down another belt notch and had a whoosh of several pounds. More importantly I feel thinner. It is absolutely amazing the difference 5 pounds can make when you are within normal BMI. I have on my junior's size 5 jeans today and they are a squeeze, for sure!! but another few pounds and I'll be there ... I have decided to give back my biggest pair of jeans that allowed me to gain weight, when I am ready to buy some new expensive ones in a month or two.

Weirdly I started doing something I haven't done in a very very long time - I was with some very very slender women the other day. When I was big, I had just lumped them all together in my mind as "those normal thin people," i.e. them versus me, but yesterday I realized how very thin they really are. They must all wear 00s. Along with them were a few with the middle aged 10, 15, 20 extra and then me, smack dab in the middle, a bit too curvy, but normal BMI for my height. All of us, except maybe one of the women, would have been people I tagged as "normal" when I was 100+ pounds overweight. I'd have lumped them all together as "perfect people" and now I see that just is not true.

At the same time I could not help comparing myself to the ones with the pre-teen figures. Silly! With my figure, I will never be able to look like they do ... nor should I want to look like that -all three actually have less of a figure than my slender 12 year old. Why is it so hard to get my head around this?!

On a more pleasant topic, I changed out both my lunch and dinner for special foods ... you got me thinking again Elizabeth! lol! So instead of a veggieburger, I had scottish smoked salmon and cream cheese on my pita, and instead of eggs and cheese, I had a pre-packaged Indian, Tasty Bite Paneer Makhani over steamed spinach. I also gave myself sanction to stop panicing over a letter from the town about a storm drain at our property. My solution will be to let dh call them - since he understands it all so much better and see whether he decides he wants to be there when they come investigate, or whether he'd like me to show them. Fact is, if it will need some work on our part, he will be the one to figure out what we do construction-wise -- so it makes sense for him to talk to them. yay! I love problem-solving and I hate the binge-urges that I feel when I let the worry overtake me like I did all this past weekend over this stupid thing.
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Old 03-11-2008, 06:00 PM   #436
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March 11, 2008

I am doing really well rolling with the punches and not turning to food. I am coping with each thing as it comes. In addition to this stupid town inspection, these next two weeks are really tough. My eldest is in a play Friday and Sturday night and my youngest in a variety show next week - both with various things we have to do that, of course, conflict time-wise, meal-wise everything wise.

More water weight .. TOM symptoms so that probably played into my extra hunger and binge urges from the weekend that I attributed solely to the town inspection letter. As I've experienced now at least four times - as written in my calendar - today the hunger was totally gone .. like someone waved a magic wand.

So, Pauline, next time you feel the urge, remember it will most likely be gone tomorrow or the next day IF you do not give in to the urge.

I am very proud of myself, but more importantly, I feel empowered.
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Old 03-12-2008, 04:45 PM   #437
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March 12, 2008

Well my weight is going down steadily despite that three week "stall" which was not a stall at all ... the weightloss has evened out to the right amount over the time. I am feeling really slim today! I am in normal BMI, and I keep wondering whether to lose the extra bit or not ... I keep looking at my face in the mirror to see if it's getting gaunt yet .. that's my test, lol! So far, looking ok, so I'll keep going ...

Happily, I think I am affecting my body shape with the new strength class twice week in place of 2 weights workouts ... really has me working my abs much much more and today on one of my weights day, I actually did some extra obliques "just for fun" ... heh heh heh!!

I have also done some cardio crosstraining which is always good for a quick drop in weight - ran some on the treadmill (even though I hate the infernal contraption, it doesn't seem to bother the heel spur), and did the elliptical and I felt the burn today.

Big Brother Big Sister is coming by tomorrow morning early to pick up our donations! Yay!!! I love clearing the house of unnecessary "STUFF"! And I had been accumulating it to sell on ebay when the money was tight last summer, but I see no point having it sucking the energy out of my house when I'd never bother to try and make $25 at a time now that I have financial-proofed things some with our money ..

So I have to go finish packing it up and then, I'm going to bed early tonight with a good book .... 'cause I deserve it!!!!
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Old 03-13-2008, 10:45 AM   #438
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Hi, Pauline!

I'm happy that you are experiencing such success! Good job taking care of yourself.

The book description about the various disordered thinking described me to a tee! I can't help but think about how many "catastrophes" have almost befallen my family. The amount of stress that it brings to one's life is unbelievable, isn't it?

It's funny, because some of the things that you mentioned, I have noticed about myself and been already working on. Interesting.....

My kids are talking to me and I can't concentrate. LOL I'll be back later. Have a good day.
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Old 03-13-2008, 02:56 PM   #439
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Well, Elizabeth, I too see myself in a LOT of the descriptions of disordered thinking ... my journal entry today is on one of the ones that just kind of popped into my head surprisingly while thinking about binge-eating and stress ... Are we a mess or what??!!!

March 13, 2008

I have discovered something about myself lately - and it is a little suprising to me that I never noticed this before because it affects me so completely all the time. I like schedule. I like predictability. I arrange my life around my need for schedule and regularity. I enjoy escaping the schedule too and having family outings where we do not know where we will end up, or what we will do for fun ... just winging it. We call that "adventuring" in our family, so I suppose I am not completely hopeless ... but for tasks, chores, the requirements of life, I need to know that things are scheduled in such a way that I can succeed at doing them and that I have enough "down time" scheduled for myself. I am the same way with food. I can absolutely go hungry for a while - like right now, before dinner, when I know the exact time and composition of my next meal.

This is good and bad. I can be very very successful at weightloss when I have this schedule and I always make certain to have the foods I have planned. Even restaurant eating and eating away from the house are simple for me - I simply plan what to do, or when I know I'll be winging it, I carry along some lowcarb pitas in case I'm stuck with a sandwich, lol!

The problem, I can also get very lost when I try to maintain without a strict plan - the contents of the plan can include some "unplanned" food, but the majority of the time, I need to know what is next and when it will be. I think my panic when some unexpected event or responsibility crops up is related to this whole issue. I start to wonder if I have a minor case of OCD - there are some other things I do which might fit into that.

I know, for instance that every July when I go to my folks home, I get very panic-y and tend to binge even when I have been "clean" for the entire year before it - part of it is not being control of my own schedule and life, having my parents interfering at times with my scheduling of the children and their activities, lol! never mind the food aspect!

Nash's book brought up a number of psychological conditions and my behaviour falls under a couple of them. I guess I have to just continue to be the "observer" that she encourages us to be and see what I do and how it is affectng my life.
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Old 03-14-2008, 02:39 PM   #440
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March 14, 2008

I found out today that my friend Ron, a man I used to run with (as in: running) pretty regularly died of heart attack. he was very physically fit, exercised and had an active job. He was 52. It is so scary. People please go to the doctor for your annual checkups. I am getting ready to grill dh when he gets home to find out when his last annual was.

Something interesting happened today in strength class. We were in the middle of curls ....tons of tons of sets - half way, all the way, yadda yadda, yadda yadda ... well, my biceps were screaming "Stop!" "Stop!", but I kept it up. As soon as I told myself, "No, I'm not gonna stop," What happened? My stomach started to growl with hunger and I lost it. I kept up the reps, but started laughing hysterically.

I am sure that everyone thought I was finally having that nervous breakdown ... but I was actually laughing at the fact that my reaction to something, anything, I do not want to do, is to eat. I was literally telling myself that food was the answer to this new stress.

This is an eating disorder. Food is my coping mechanism for every situation Life can throw at me.
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Old 03-14-2008, 02:57 PM   #441
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I'm sorry about your friend. My dad was 53 when he died. Way, way too young.

I started the Nash book. Very intriguing.

I know what you mean about food being the way you cope with things. I am in a really bad mood today. I keep thinking about eating/bingeing and I have to keep having this conversation with myself, "Nothing that I eat is going to solve this problem. You will still be mad. You are not hungry. Food is not the answer to this problem." Then I get even more annoyed that I have to even have this stupid conversation with myself. BTW, did I say I was in a really bad mood today?

I hope your Friday starts to go better.
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Old 03-14-2008, 03:44 PM   #442
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I know what you mean about hating to have to always say that to yourself, lol! I think, over time, it will simply become an automatic conversation in our heads and will, most times, take less effort.

Maybe eventually we will have trained ourselves mostly out of the "food response" mode ... we've been in it now for years and years .. it makes sense that it will simply take some time, right?

I was the anti-exercise gal. Now, five years after starting a regular weekly exercise plan, I feel something is missing when I do not get my time in. It was only a year or two for that to happen. Yeah, there are occasions I have to force myself to go, but they are few and far between, maybe the food response habit will slowly get replaced by the "problem-solving mode" for the most part ...?

I think that is the place I want to head towards. Healthy coping mechanisms.

I think we can get there! Look how far we've come!

p.s. today can only improve! I am on the way to opening night of dd's play ... should be fun! Rudyard Kipling's Jungle Book (not the Disney version, lol!)
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Old 03-14-2008, 05:54 PM   #443
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sorry about your friend. Even physically fit healthy people can have blocked arteries.
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Old 03-15-2008, 10:17 AM   #444
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Thank you guys. It is so sad!

March 15, 2008

I am not sure whether I will be around much today so I thought I should journal before I head off. The little one has a rehearsal for the variety show which could last a few hours and then the older one has the second night of her play tonight and of course, I'll be going to it. Then tomorrow we head into Boston to the St. Paddy's Day parade - I'll pack myself a lunch and try to only have a drink or two - no wine this weekend so far due to dd's play, so that works out ok!

It has been a productive day so far! I finished my articles for the elementary school's Science Newsletter - I coauthor that and co-chair the Science Fair - kinda funny as neither of my kids qualify to be in it this year although the little one is already planning her experiment for next year (God help us all!!!).

I spent the morning trying on clothing from my closet and drawers until I got tired of it, lol! I'll have to do the rest some other time. I found a few pairs of pants that I probably bought in 2006 at my lowest ever weight of 123 ... at that point, I was slightly smaller than the smallest Misses pants I could buy in many of the brands I like (4Petite) and well, I do not plan to get back to that size. At that weight, people were telling me to put on weight - probably because my face was getting pretty bony looking ... read: old. So, I put those away and will see as I get closer to 128 which I think is what I want as my maintenance weight.

Funny, I did like the way I look in most of my clothes ... except for being too chesty - but that is not going to shrink anymore unfortunately. I feel really happy that I like the way I look at this weight. It looks like 139 is a kind of threshold for me. I am going to keep looking in the mirror these next few pounds to try and determine when my weight is good.

I did a little reading on body composition as I would not mind replacing some of my body fat with muscle once I am on maintenance ... you cannot build muscle on deficit calories. I wonder if this will work or not though ... i.e. whether the fat will go from my face, lol! or just maybe I will end up building additional muscle, keeping all my beautiful face fat and decide on a higher weight, but smaller waist, so to speak. Now that would be really cool ... I gotta start hanging out at the Muscle Matters boards again ...

Last edited by TaDa!; 03-15-2008 at 10:18 AM..
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Old 03-16-2008, 06:03 PM   #445
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Pauline, I love your new avatar. I have learned a lot reading your journal. I have been having problems with my eating as I near goal. So I am working on that. I may have to start my own journal.

It is so sad about your friend.
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Old 03-16-2008, 07:03 PM   #446
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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Hi Dianne, I'm sorry you are having some eating problems ... a journal's not a bad idea - to maybe try to connect what's happening to cause the problems. We're at about the same weight again, lol!! What are we? siamese twins? too funny Pauline

March 16, 2008

Went to the Paddy's Day Parade in South Boston - it was fun! Not the greatest picture of me there, but I posted it in my avatar anyhow, lol! Got munchy today and ate a little extra than usual like 200 calories worth, but all ok food.

I've stayed up to watch "I Can Make You Thin" by Paul McKenna. I'm not crazy about the motivational speaker format. His message is really good. I know that Fred Anderson in that favorite book of mine "Diary of a Fat man" lost all his weight in this kind of intuitive way. It can work, but with my binge eating, is not for me.

I do like the "Eat Conciously" rule because I am very guilty of multiplexing while eating and really gobbling it down ... I think I will try it this week. My notes from this week's episode:

4 Golden Rules
- When you’re hungry, go and eat
- Eat What You Want
- Eat Consciously
- When you think you're full, stop eating

Close your eyes and tune into your stomach. When you even suspect you are full, stop eating and wait to see if you are still hungry in a few minutes.

Over the next week, eat at least one meal entirely with your eyes closed ... dangerous in my case, but I'll try it

More Directions from Paul:

- Drink more water, especially when you think you are hungry
- Stop weighing yourself daily
... next week: emotional eating - I'll be interested in seeing that episode for sure!!!
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Old 03-18-2008, 05:52 PM   #447
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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March 18, 2008

I'm doing just fine with the wol .. a lot of stress though the last two weeks and it is killing me - situation on top of situation. I hate unpredictability. hate it hate it hate it <sigh>

I do have hunger, but I think it might be real hunger, lol! 1800 calories doesn't cut it when I work out hard and am staying up late, etc etc. The good news is that I have not had any obviously masquerading stress hunger lately which is really good (although maybe I am just kidding myself?!) and also I have not been going over that 1800 weightloss calories too much.

Heh heh heh .. I know I could eat more and just push the weightloss out some, but that is so hard to do when I know I can be done by summer if I persevere and then just get on with my new maintenance plan. So that's gonna remain the plan. I guess I just feel like whining ..
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Old 03-19-2008, 09:43 AM   #448
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Whine away!!

Whining in here is waaaay more productive than bingeing! I think this has been one of my most valuable weight loss tools....and as someone once told me
Quote:
I think your journal is for you and if you want to rant and rave night and day, you should Especially if it helps you!!!!
Very, very wise advice that I know take to heart every time I feel like complaining in my own journal.

Do you have a light at the end of your "stress" tunnel?


You are doing so fabulous! Look at that new pic
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Old 03-19-2008, 11:25 AM   #449
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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heh heh heh!!! Ahhhhh you got me!!!!! and you are so right, whining is waaaaaay bettr than binge eating. I have gotten to where I will try ANYTHING so as not to binge or have binge urges. I am finally seeing that the enemy is not me and any kind of "weakness" but rather the Binge and the Binge Urge itself ... they are the enemy, those false coping mechanisms ... Yay us Elizabeth! We are doing sooooooooooo well!!!!!! Woohooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 03-19-2008, 05:40 PM   #450
Way too much time on my hands!
 
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March 19, 2008

I am really doing well. it is as though really naming the Binge Urge for what it is and dissecting it has just been kryptonite to the power it has always held over me. I even have some of my former binge foods in the house and they sit there uneaten until I choose to eat them as part of my daily menu - cream cheese, almonds ... I still do not have peanut butter in the house, because there is no point having it here if I am not willing to include it in my intake quite yet .. in a month or two.

Anyhow, the difference between now and December when I could not go a single day without binge eating is like night and day. It's good! The binge eating only ever made my problems, stresses, unhappiness bigger ... worse, not better in any way except perhaps to make the urge go away because I was ready to upchuck. Some people talk about the good feeling they get at first in a binge, but for me, it was only "good" for the first few bites ... the bites of a normal overeater, not the overwhelming food tide of the binge as it would quickly drown me.

Anyhow, thought about this today. Doing Good
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