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RW City Sue 03-21-2006 11:41 AM

At this moment in time
My intention for today: Clarity and peacefulness in order to tune into intuition and therefore be empowered to make more skillful choices.

I was thinking about doing some sort of blog but I came across LCF's journal area and think it may be what I would like to do at least for awhile. I am inconsistent lately about keeping up with these sorts of things, so we'll see how it goes.

My history with LCF's goes back a number of years and I have gone thru a lot of changes along the path of seeking a normal weight. The most significant series of events started with getting treatment for Binge Eating Disorder beginning in January 2004. The process of recovery was and is way slower than I ever could have imagined and this weight loss phase that I am in right now has involved quite a dance around my eating disorder issues.

I have dropped quite a few dress sizes in the last year-I was wearing 22's and 24's last Spring and I can wear regular size 16's now and even some size 14 dresses. I look in the mirror and I'm going thru an adjustment of seeing myself as smaller than a plus size woman. I saw a recent picture of myself this weekend from a birthday party a few weeks ago and at first I didn't know who it was in the picture because the woman looked normal sized and it turned out to be me!

Well, I think this is a good start for now. I am going into the city this evening for a Career Seminar as I am considering going back to work after being 'retired' since November of '99. We'll see if I get motivated to step back into the workforce…


RW City Sue 03-22-2006 03:11 AM

My intention for today: Stability and balance

Lately my challenge has been to not get pulled into emotional eating. I feel that pull on me most when I am tired, when things are not going as I planned, or when I am feeling tension in my relationships with other people. I have been putting myself out there more instead of isolating as is my tendency and being more social has put me outside of my comfort zone. Yesterday some pain I've been having in my lower neck got bad enough, I took something for the pain and had to change my day's plans.

I don't know why but this sort of thing really throws me off balance and gives me anxiety and of course shows up in my eating choices. And yesterday afternoon, I ate more food than I had planned on. I have been entering my food into ****** and keeping an eye to having calories stay in the 1200-1500 range. I would have to say that yesterday became a day of 'maintaining' eating, which is my fallback position and is OK but still I feel disappointed that I did not eat in a way that will take me to where I want to go with my weight.

I've been doing a lot of ballroom and swing dancing for my exercise and I have organized myself around getting exercise and I've given it a priority in my life. This I learned from my eating disorder treatment. And organizing myself around exercise has really worked well for me. I feel fortunate to have exercise that I really like and look forward to doing.

My plan for keeping today's eating on track is to decrease the number of times I eat by sticking to a schedule of 3 meals and 2 snacks because I can see where I have gotten a bit sloppy with returning to my old grazing habits. And I will try to keep my food choices simpler-Cheese and fruit for breakfast, grilled chicken and a veg for lunch, and a burger and veg for dinner.

Hey, I am liking this journal as a way of evaluating my efforts to get back to my natural size. I will be anxious to see how my day goes. I am feeling good about having a plan at least.


RW City Sue 03-23-2006 11:48 PM

My intention for today: Doing those things I already know to do.

Today was a good day and I am satisfied with my eating. I started my day at 6:20am and for some reason as soon as I opened my eyes I decided to lace up my walking shoes and get out the door for a walk around the neighborhood. Today reminded me of how therapeutic walking is--a time to sort thru things and it has a meditative quality for me. So I have decided to add it back into my morning routine even though I get lots of other exercise.

I also reread part of Julia Ross's Diet Cure book today and refreshed my memory about supplements that have helped me in the past.

Well, I am struggling here to stay awake so I will end for now.


RW City Sue 03-31-2006 04:19 PM

Time to update my little journal here since I have been neglecting it…

Today's intention: Still working on doing those things I know to do. This past week has not been such a good one for me eating wise. I am taking a look at what has happened to reactivate my eating disorder. My life as a whole seems to go sideways on me when my eating gets out of control. Some fixes I am working on trying: I have made balanced eating more of a priority, letting go of obsessing about 'dieting' and weight loss and I have taken some steps to not be quite as isolated. It seems like I do better if I keep busy so I am working at filling my days with more activity.

I went to a Pilates studio last nite and whoa-I don't think I am quite ready for that yet. It was intense and I hated it while I was doing the work with the instructor but I did sort of feel good and stretched out afterwards. It is something I will try again after I shed a bit more weight because I think it would help with my alignment and posture.

Yesterday I tried a recipe from the recipe room for some low carb oatmeal cookies and they were all right; a little dry but not bad with a glass of soy milk. I have had this tendency to buy ingredients for cooking and baking and then not get around to using them so finally I was able to make a dent in the pantry and freezer supplies of low carb baking mixes and nuts and nut flours.

I had added morning walks for a few days and found it seems to increase my appetite so I am back to doing my exercise in the evenings which seems to work better for me. I like the walking as an addition to other exercise but I haven't quite found a good time to fit it in regularly so I have just been walking as the opportunity arises. DH and I got in a short walk in the park last weekend.

Overall, even when my eating is not what I would like it to be, I am still getting my exercise in so I am happy to be keeping my activity and stamina built up.

OK, well that is where my thinking is at this point in time.

RW City Sue 04-25-2006 01:32 AM

Oh my, it has been quite a while since I've last posted here. It is a bit scary to me how fast time goes by without my seeing the results with my weight loss I had hoped to see by now. It has been one of those time periods for me where just holding the line has been all I can do. I have gained and lost the same 10 lbs up and down the scale for too long. So I am looking at what I need to do in order to move forward and get some results for myself. I'm getting tired of how long it is taking for the weightloss phase I'm in.

It finally became clear to me over this last weekend that I need to make changes to the exercise routine that I organize myself around. What had worked for me previously is no longer enough in intensity, duration, frequency, or length.

So I am in process with finding an activity pattern that suits me better. And it seems my food tastes are changing as if my physical chemistry has shifted as well. I've been eating yogurt more the last few weeks and protein shakes more and I seem to be hungry for nuts also. I went thru a couple weeks of being hungry for a few more grains and now I seem to need larger amounts of proteins.

Another thing I want to mention is that I've been looking at relationships and setting firmer boundaries with the people in my life and that is a difficult thing for me and has put extra stress and pressure on my coping skills. "We live or own life by not letting other people, their expectations, and their demands, control the course of our life"--Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go. And that seems to be my life lesson to work on mastering for right now.

So there is a quick update on what is going on with my locarb wol.

RW City Sue 05-31-2006 10:42 AM

Well, I guess my entries here have settled into a once a month pattern... I have been plugging away on my journey and like so many here at LCF's I keep adjusting and modifying my strategy to find what works for me and gets me results. I found it necessary to get away from the scale because the numbers were something I played too many games around, like when I ate more than I would have liked and the scale stayed the same, I was inclined to push my luck with overeating yet again. And if the scale showed a loss, I found I was telling myself I could afford to have a few treats since my weight was down. I am evidently just one of those people who do better with evaluating how my clothes are fitting and how strong I feel, which are the main changes I am looking for anyway.

My eating patterns have continued to be in a state of flux and I am OK with that especially since I see my appetite moving naturally towards healthier choices. Some days I eat lighter than others--it has a sort of ebb and flow to it.

I get anxious at times to be done with the process of getting to my natural size and shape but it seems like there are issues continuing to crop up for me to work beyond before I am ready to let go of the rest of my extra weight. Several weeks ago I had the realization come to me that I have been depressed more than I was aware. 2 weeks ago I went on prozac to help take the edge off the chemical side of how I was feeling and I have noticed I am slowly becoming more energized and able to start to tackle issues I had felt too overwelmed to deal with.

I had slowly, over the last 10 years, fallen into a pattern of allowing myself to be bullied in some areas of my life. As I start to feel better about myself and my self esteem increases with my weight loss, I can see that I had lowered my expectations for what I would settle for in life when I was in the grips of an eating disorder and I am in the process now of re-educating people around me as to how I expect to be treated and this has not been an easy thing for me.

I have garnered a support system around me to help me through the next month or so of putting some things in order in my life and I am making some tough decisions about where my journey is taking me especially in terms of who I want to accompany me along the way. So this is a snapshot of where I find myself at this point in my journey.

RW City Sue 12-13-2006 08:03 AM

Well, it is that time of year where I think of wrapping up
loose ends and letting go of the old to make room for the new.

I have let go of a lot of 'diet' related thinking in my life
this last year. I do not weigh myself except for when it is
necessary at the Dr's office. And I endeavor to listen to
my body to determine what sort of nutrition to feed it each
day. I am following the good feelings elicited by decisions
that are on track with my life goals and attempting to avoid
actions that elicit bad feelings and I am keeping it just as
simple as that.

I continue to exercise because it feels good to experience
the strength in my muscles and feel what my body is capable
of doing physically. And this whole approach to being more
comfortable in my body has brought me more peacefulness and
happiness than past efforts. And I think I will just leave
it there for now as I sign off with warm feelings for my locarb
friends at this holiday season.


RW City Sue 08-08-2007 08:20 AM

I think it is time to update my journal. Apparenly it has evolved into a twice yearly sort of thing... Quite a shift has happened for me over the course of this summer. My tastes have continued to evolve and my ability to make intuitive food choices has grown. I think I can finally say, for now, that I feel free from a lot of the former poor thinking patterns I've had around food and weight and appearance. This has come after much self searching and eating disorder recovery work.

I have been reading up on the advantages of adding more greens to my woe and I have wanted to eat this way for quite a while but found greens in large quantities were not palatable to me. My next door neighbor's father recently was visiting and he shared with me the health changes he experienced from drinking green smoothies; he had been taking classes with Victoria Boutenko in Oregon, where he lives. I had heard of her and had visited her website and got her book, Green for Life, to learn more. Her very simple idea about adding more greens into our diets thru green smoothies has changed the way I now eat.

I have endeavored to blend up at least one green smoothie per day for the last 2 weeks and already I am noticing my energy has increased, and my tastes for fresh, live foods has also increased. It has been a simple and easy change for me to make. The rest of my eating just seems to fall into place as I make the rest of my food choices during the day. We have a vegetable garden in our back yard and a couple of fruit trees so eating fresh this time of year is easy. There must be something to getting the enzymes from live foods, because I am feeling the difference.

Another summer read that has greatly influenced me has been The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. My therapist recommended it and it is a very simple but profound way to look at life that comes from Toltec wisdom teachings. Just agreeing to be impeccable with my word, not take anything personally, not make assumptions, and to always do my best has brought about changes in my relationships with other people that I could not have imagined would come so easily and fast. It is amazing to me how a shift in my attitudes and perceptions have made a difference in the behavior of the people in my life towards me.

So these are my thoughts on this August morning as I soak up the healing, nurturing peace and love around me here in the mountains. And I wanted to share this with my LCF's.


RW City Sue 08-15-2008 01:37 PM

Friday, August 15, 2008

Hmmm I haven't updated here since last summer, so I am thinking about this past year and what the highlights have been in my journey with food issues. This last year I spent half of each week in the city and half in the mountains, so the trips back and forth have somewhat affected eating choices. DH did medically supervised weightloss at our HMO at Thanksgiving and has lost about 140 lbs and this has added change to our lifestyle. I got a new bicycle last month and we have been exploring trails around the bay as an exercise to do together. I started doing resistance work at the gym and a few classes here and there as well as putting in time on the treadmill, recumbant stationary bike, and eliptical machine.

I have been meditating a lot this last year and I try to start my days out by getting to a place of clarity and waiting to make decisions in general from a clearer place. I endeavor to focus my energy on those things that are healthy for me and bring me peace and contentment.

I have gotten more serious about weightloss for health reasons and I am now using the scale at least weekly, to get feedback on my food and exercise choices so I can make corrections sooner rather than later to keep on track. I came across the Intermittent Fasting thread and read of all the success with this plan, which got me thinking this group may be onto something so I tried it for myself with outright magical results. So I currently eat during a 5-6 hour window each day and have lost 11 lbs doing this so far. For now I intend to continue with IF and work on tweaking my exercise schedule.

So this is where my thinking is at this time.

RW City Sue 11-01-2008 11:28 PM

A warm rain has been falling off and on the last 2 days and it is feeling very much like fall. My thoughts are turning to what I want to do to wrap up the rest of the year.

I have been checking off projects on my to-do list pretty steadily--met with the tax guy and investment guy, and have both houses pretty well buttoned up for winter...

The clarity and energy I have that was not there 3 months ago--for this I give credit to an IF way of life.

RW City Sue 12-09-2009 05:57 PM

December 2009
It has been a rather long year for me but out of the hardships of this last year have come some important decisions about where I am headed from here. I have been coming out of a time of isolating and I'm getting involved with people once again.

I have been able to cultivate an acceptance of some of the current circumstances of my life and am making changes and setting firm limits where I can in order to make life in general more manageable.

I am not so much focused on losing weight right now as I am on making healty, nourishing food choices. Insulin resistance has surfaced as a major health issue at this time so just keeping my head clear from the fogginess that comes from poor choices or too large of portions is enough work for me right now. My attitude is that the weight will take care of itself when I am eating right, so I have been limiting weighing to once a month.

I am drawing on experiences in the past that have worked for me as far as a successful w.o.e. as well as a successful plan for living. And this is where this December '09 finds me.

hummingbird11 12-26-2009 04:53 PM

Aloha & Mele Kalikimaka!

I'm in CA physically; but in Hawaii spiritually! ;)
Happy Holidaze to YOU and yours; miss ya!! :love:


RW City Sue 01-05-2010 01:25 AM

Hi HB,

Thanks for stopping by my journal.

Happy New Year!!! Miss u too. Hope the bay area gang can get together again some time this year.


RW City Sue 11-21-2011 08:44 AM

December 2011
Waaa... was going to transfer my blog entries over here. I'm hoping they are not permanently lost. I have been walking for 45 mins in the mornings and it's time to head out so I will update more later.

RW City Sue 12-05-2011 08:28 AM

Things are going well with me lately. I am almost 20 lbs lighter than I was a few months ago and that is always cheering to let go of some of the heaviness I've carried unecessarily.

Here's for living a lighter life!

RW City Sue 03-06-2013 08:41 PM

Spring 2013
Finding myself having gone full circle back to an Atkins woe lately. Went back to work a year ago in a traditional job after a nice long break. Saw the passing of my Mom as well as 3 pets who were all part of my life for many years. Still discovering exciting alternative health practices through studies with a wonderful mentor and new friends. Read a belief paradigm shifting book, Journey of Souls. Major shift in my relationship with my only child, unfortunately not for the better. Called in to take a more active role with my teen age grandson. Finally agreed to go to Burning man last summer and marked 13 years together with the same man... And there's a quick look at some of the life shaping events since my last entry. 💬

RW City Sue 05-21-2013 11:37 AM

Going thru my ****** records today and updating custom foods opened my eyes to many things that have fallen away already as I delete more from old food patterns no longer in place. Going gluten free put a lot of these changes in motion.

I am currently using a food plan called the 100. The goal is to stay under 100 'sugar' calories/day. This seems like a natural progression as I move increasingly towards simpler food choices.

Health issues that have surfaced recently for me involve inflammation. So I am finding my way thru alternative solutions. Exercise options are narrower for me now due to severe arthritis in my knee, so I am pursuing Aqua exercises at the local JCC.

So not entirely good news on the health front right now except that I am being taken in new directions, which will turn out for the best based on past experience.

RW City Sue 12-06-2013 10:31 AM

Holidays 2013
A big milestone birthday this year! I have transitioned over to Dr. Dukan's plan for woe. And knee surgery pending in the new year. These are the headlines...

Moving forward with big home improvement projects. House has been painted inside and out, windows replaced with energy efficient ones, new carpet has been ordered, window coverings have been chosen, and kitchen remodel is underway...

RW City Sue 01-22-2014 04:19 PM

I settled on making the Dukan woe one I could commit to and I am counting 1/4/14 as day one even though I was trying out a number of Dukan products and meal plans to 'test drive' it during December. I've read the book through and have frequently gone back to refresh myself regarding the Cruise Phase and the allowed foods list and the role of tolerated foods. I've got a few recipes together that I like and things are coming along well with alternating PP/PV days.

My calculated True Weight is 171 and start date for Consolidation Phase is calculated for August 28 according to the Dukan website. So here I am on this adventure. So far, down 9 pounds and counting. I'm focused and determined and can't afford to fail at this effort this time around. Part of what attracted me to the woe is there are phases after losing to transition to successful maintenance. So, journal updated ✔

RW City Sue 01-23-2014 01:27 AM

Lots of my regular go-to's have changed and I'm a bit surprised its been so easy and seems to have transitioned so quickly. It confirms to me I picked a plan that agrees with me.

Some new habits I've cultivated:
🔹drinking water more frequently during the day and using stevia flavored drops in it when I have a taste for something sweet, especially in the evenings after dinner
🔹Oat bran every day
🔹Chobani yogurts--one/day and occasionally a second one if I'm feeling like I really want another
🔹I keep Hormel nitrite free turkey slices handy for roll-ups for snacks or lunches
🔹I have a dill pickle spear as a condiment if I'm feeling like I want something extra with a protein (used to not eat pickles much). Got this idea from Dukan's allowed foods list.
[haven't much gotten into using tolerated foods yet like goji berries, but will later]
🔹I'm taking advantage of suppressed hunger from the proteins to make more deliberate food choices and eat slower and stick with simple meats and veg for now
🔹Using shiritaki frequently. The rice version especially makes for a good no carb, zero calorie addition to recipes to stretch the dish and make it filling and satisfying and help with getting in more fiber
🔹No salt, 1% cottage cheese and small cans of V-8 are regularly in the fridge now for a change

RW City Sue 01-31-2014 03:08 AM


Taking a look at where I'm at in the bigger picture overall and considering progress towards my goal.


RW City Sue 02-05-2014 06:53 AM

I've just ended my first full month of staying on plan and have a 14 1/2 lb drop on the scale to show for it. Woohoo :kicking: It really hasn't been too difficult. I have enough choices available that I have not felt deprived and have even been able to eat out pretty successfully.

I'm starting to pull other people into my Dukan world as they join me in lean proteins and veggies. It's so doable, it makes me happy. The rhythm of PP/PV feels good to me and people in my life are seeing it's a lifestyle change that I'm making instead of going on a flavor of the week diet. So I'm feeling more supported as those around me accept I'm not going to be swayed to eat off plan.

The few bits of fine tuning I've done here and there are keeping things moving. And I contine to tweak and individualize Dukan as I see how my body is reacting. There are some days I don't really have an appetite at all, then others where I'm hungry for larger amounts of food and I'm just rolling with what my body is asking for. It's a funny thing to be really wanting veggies. They taste so good on my PV days :)

Just over 2 1/2 weeks until surgery, so I will see what can be accomplished before then :agree:

RW City Sue 02-10-2014 02:01 PM


I'm looking at time frames to judge if I'm on target for goals and so far looks like I am with 6 months to drop 60 more lbs. I just get a little nervous still when I see the bounces on the scale even though I'm trusting of the process. And this month is going by so fast. Already the 10th of February 😳

RW City Sue 03-10-2014 05:43 AM

I've made it to the other side of surgery and am rehabbing my new knee. Days are sort of up and down right now; each day brings more healing.

Dukan made me an offer I couldn't refuse yesterday, so I joined the online coaching--something new to add to the mix and keep me focused. Even thru my medical journey with my knee, I've been determined to stay on track with getting to my true weight and going into stabilization phase (now Sept 22).


RW City Sue 03-20-2014 03:04 AM

Recovering from major surgery has been challenging for me this week. I'm working on getting swelling down in my knee and building my strength back.

I'm at Day 75 on Dukan. It is amazing to me. Weight is down by 28.2 lbs since starting the diet. And this is with not being able to exercise.

After joining Dukan's coaching program, my consolidation phase got moved up to July 20 but I'm up for the challenge of getting to my new True Weight of 161 by then.

Fine tuning I'm working on for this next week involves having herbal tea at least 3 times/ day to get my sluggish system moving better. And the coaches suggest more veg than protein on PV days and 'white' proteins on PP days. I've been increasing oat bran also, as was suggested.

So I will see how these latest tweaks play out for me.

RW City Sue 04-02-2014 08:33 PM

Stopped in to update my stats. Down another pound and half. It amazes me still how I keep seeing lower numbers consistently, week by week. This whole woe has just not seemed that difficult.

That said though, it's been a little tougher going since my surgery and I've developed some fairly severe digestive problems from the pain medications I had taken and being less active, trying to get my strength back, etc so my Dr. has prescribed more fiber in my diet. I'm trying out some over the counter remedies with inulin and psyllium husk, as well as making some diet tweaks to calm my very irritated digestive tract with bland, easier to digest food choices.

I'm nervous how this will play out with my weight loss goals but my system is calling the shots right now, so all I can do is roll with it. I just want to get my digestive health stabilized and get back to strictly dedicated Dukan-ing. And that's where I'm at for now.

RW City Sue 04-28-2014 12:35 AM

I've had a rough month with health issues. Kidney stones were discovered and Dr wants me to cut back on meat, eggs, and fish so I tried to do a vegetarian/vegan version of Dukan. Those foods choices are not working for me, sadly. Mostly my digestive system is still not back to normal since surgery. The problems I'm having are the same as what other people describe who have been diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome.

In an attempt to just feel better, I'm doing an elimination diet I found with low oligo, di, and mono saccharide foods. I'm taking probiotics to build my digestion back and high dose prescription potassium citrate for dissolving the kidney stones. I just started the fodmap diet, as it is called, yesterday so I'm hoping it gets me squared away. I'm working hard to find my way back to feeling well again.

I feel like I lost a month's progress in the weight loss I was having so much success with. I don't know what else I could have done, though--life happens. I'm not sure what else to say about the challenges in my journey, so I will leave it there for now.

RW City Sue 06-23-2014 09:55 PM

It's been slow going lately in getting the scale to move. I'm grateful for the low fodmap elimination diet and discovering foods better to stay away from for the time being to let my digestive system continue to settle.

Finally I am well enough to add in more activity, so have started a tai chi class and am working out on the Pilates reformer. Also using the stationary bike for conditioning. Physical therapy continues twice a week as well. So that's a quick update for now.

RW City Sue 07-28-2014 07:48 AM

Time for another update...just back from a luxurious week at the Grand Californian and even splurged on an amazing lunch at Nobu Sushi in Malibu on the way back north. It's good to settle back down, though, from living the high life haha.

I have re-discovered Pilates as part of my knee rehab process and am in the process of immersing myself in the whole mind, body, spirit culture of having a Pilates practice and connecting with other Pilates peeps. I really do love working out on the reformers and connected with a trainer who is also a physical therapy assistant, Pam, to bring me along on this part of my journey.

I even got some workout clothes from Kate Hudson's new company, Fabletics. Helps make me want to workout more when wearing something cute is the strategy here ;) Anyway, it's a whole new thing for me to be more physical and active once again.

Food plan wise, the time came with my Dukan coaching to decide if I wanted to move on to the Consolidation phase even though I'm not yet at my True Weight. And I decided to move on, all things considered. Basically, I can now add a fruit and 2 pieces of bread into the mix, if i want, which makes quick meals on the run easier. There is a celebration meal once a week and a starchy meal once a week and protein Thursdays now kick in. I do intend to keep things lite and I'm leaning towards cruise phase style eating anyway because I do want to reach True Weight.

So, I think that sums up where I'm at with this part of my journey. I have reconciled myself for the most part over being disappointed in how much longer it is taking me to bounce back after knee surgery with all the odd health complications that popped up. I severely underestimated the rehab process. It is way more extensive and taking more time than I could have imagined. But I've decided to just get on with doing what I need to do and so it is!

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