DENYSE'S JOURNEY BACK

[IM DENYSE]

Two years ago I did the Atkins diet, religiously, never cheated. I never had the urge to put anything in my mouth that wasn't allowed. I loved how I felt. I loved how I looked. It seemed like the pounds melted off so easily and it seemed like almost every week I was in a size smaller jeans. I wore a 26-28 when I started and eventually made it down to a 16. My goal, my dream was to be a Size 12. Then I let it all go .... bad choices and although I knew I was gaining it back and the sizes increased, I couldn't stop myself. It didn't all come back overnight, but it felt like it. Now, here I am, I have a closet full of clothes that don't fit ... I found the love of my life, I have a new job that I love and I'm wearing a size 24 pants. I'm miserable. My boyfriend loves me for who I am but we all know they'd love to see us look better. I hate the way I feel ... like I'm dying a slow death. My knees hurt. I'm retaining water. Some weekend days I don't even get out of bed. H-E-L-L-O. What am I doing????

Well, here I am.... January 3 and I just checked, I'm in ketosis. I've been searching for this iron willpower I had two years ago and somehow, it's resurfaced. My scale broke so I don't even know what weight I'm starting at, I need to find one to use VERY soon to stay motivated but I'm in ketosis!!! I'm on my way!

I'm gonna journal because I do well when I talk things thru and Lord knows people get sick of me talking about nothing but my low carb dieting. I'll check in daily, if I can, and just jot down my progress, my feelings, my thoughts. Maybe it will inspire someone else.

I'm gonna do it this time .... and I'm gonna stay there.

[IM DENYSE]

Another day ... today the little Metabostix was darrrrrrk, so I'm REALLY in ketosis! Woohoo!

Oh, this morning, I ate the MOST WONDERFUL thing for breakfast that I found searching this site somewhere ..... it was French Toast made with pork rinds! Have you had it? Don't say ewwww gross unless you've had it, it's AMAZING and the answer to missing my pancakes and waffles...YUM! I'm so excited to eat it again tomorrow. I went out to lunch to celebrate my new job with my co workers and ate good ... a great "bleu" burger. Tonite for dinner my sweetie cooked me smoked sausage with some sauerkraut ... mmmm.... I love to eat it with horseradish. Didn't snack all day and had no desire to. I need to increase my water intake though ... need to fill a bottle and have it at my desk to remind me to drink.

Tonite, I couldn't wait to journal and I've started watching the new season of The Biggest Loser ... I figured that would be inspirational. My God those people are brave, I can't even get in my bra and panties in front of my guy let alone on tv in front of the whole world! Wow! I'm hoping for the "red" team to win ..... I related to their pain more than I felt the other team wanted to lose weight. They identified not only the need to look good but their increasing age, their bad habits and the true health aspects we all face.

Well, enough for tonite ---- stay tuned!

[momof3heathens]

Good luck with your plan. Sounds as if you are starting off on the right foot. I taped the Biggest Loser so I can watch in in peace when the kids are at school. Water is definitely hard for me too. I have such a terrible memory. I will get up and make myself a bottle and then put it down somewhere and forget about until it is too warm to drink.

[Itwin]

I wish you lots of luck.

[IM DENYSE]

Thanks for stopping by and reading .... I just had my yummy french toast again ... I can't get enough! I appreciate the posts, it gives me encouragement. I went to my moms yesterday to weigh myself but her scale said way less than I could possibly be starting at, soooo...I'm going to go to the gym today (1) because I can weigh myself there but wouldn't hurt to work out for just a little and maybe take a Sauna....ahhhhhhhhh.

I'm starting out the day feeling great .... ketosis stick was dark this morning and I'm looking forward to today. I'm gonna drink lots of water, I'll stop at 7-11 and get a good size bottle and keep feeling it today.

Have a Great Day, I might write tonite!

[wastednuffime]

Hi DENYSE!!...

I thanked you for stopping by my journal in my post earlier today, but wanted to pop in here too and wish you ALL the best in reaching your goals!! I can SO relate to much of what you said in your opening page here.....

I can remember so clearly my knees ( legs and feet as well) also hurting!! Oh and the swelling...yikes!!....when I look back now...I know i was a disaster in waiting...a walking heark-attack, stroke,..Diabetic,...whatever...as i was playing with fate....I am amazed that those things never happened to me!!

DENYSE, you mentioned about going to the Gym...Yeh!!..you!!!!! for getting on track in that department!! Let me quickly share this.....one thing that has helped me 100% ...No 1000% was that dreaded "E" word.....Exercise!!...I was such a major couch potato!!!!!!!!!! Back then exercise to me was,...walking to the curb to get my mail out of the box. I am ashamed to admit this, even now,..but I got so big and so lazy that outside of my job,..I could do very little. I would have my DS who was around 12-ish.at the time,..do most of my errands for me...I would stay in the car...give him the list and have him go in and shop for things like groceries etc... I Hated going up to his school for things like simple Parent/teacher conferences.....It took HOURS...reallly...just for me to get ready, as finding something to wear in my closet that still fit..was a big task....My poor son started voiceding his concerns for my health and that broke my heart!! On top of all that, I was dealing with other stressful issues.........My whole life consisted of going to work....coming home in the mornings ( I worked nights) ...and then spend all day eating and sleeping, mostly right in front of the TV.....

Anyway...fast forward ( forgive me for rambling..) but one day I saw this info-mercial about "Walk-away-the-pounds" and so late one night I ordered them...After they arrived a few weeks later, i watched the first tape and then added it to my other heap of tapes I brought over the years...Well about 6 months later ...don't ask me why...but I got up off the couch put that tape in...and started walking...right in front of the TV!!..I remember DH laughing and making snide remarks,...but I kept going!! ...My eating was way out of wack still...but I felt So darn good just from the movement, I decided to just focus in on that little bit of positiveness......Soon I began Low-carbing....and the rest is history ( well history in the making so to speak)....

I want you to know that we are all behind you here and that i have every belief that ...just like you said..."you ARE going to do it this time!!"...You been there, so you already have a taste of what its like.....to be smaller and feeling so great!!..yeh to you too for being back in Ketosis!!...a sure sign of pending success....

Ok..I've taken up enough of your journal space ....Keep up the mind-set and I will be following your progress with much anticipation!!....Have a great day Hon......Oh..and i almost forgot, LOL...Do share your French toast recepie....thanks!!

Anna ( wastednuffime).."Wasted-enough-time..

[Alcestis]

Hi Denyse Just wanted to echo Anna-of-the-wise-and-kind-words - we really are all behind you and with your attitude I bet you'll be hitting goals all over the place soon!

Enjoy the journey and the support here - it only gets better!

[Yankee Belle]

Well, we really *are* alike in this diet business. I can hardly believe the similarities. I also began Atkin's when I was wearing a 26/28... I got down to about an 18 (not as far as you did...wow, you did great!) which felt WONDERFUL for me. Then over the past 4 years I've crept up and up. I began this on January 2nd when I realized that my 22's were PINCHING (bad!) and I was going to HAVE to get 24's. Well, I refuse to. I flat out refuse. I won't go up one more size. *Technically* I'm in 24's but am still squeezing into my 22's. Ugh.
Come on sista! We can do this

[IM DENYSE]

Ohhhhh, I love you guys. Thanks. I had a very scary thing happen to me last nite. While my hunny was making dinner he was sipping on some wine and I had about 3 sips while he was cooking all of dinner ..... then we sat down to eat his amazing creation (always is) and i had two more sips. I really do mean sips. During dinner I felt "off." A weird dizziness that wasn't fall down dizzy but just "off." Of course, THAT threw me into a panic attack and the rest of the nite was horrific. The panic attack was so bad I could barely talk. Finally, after the panic attack stopped I was so exhausted I fell asleep and slept all nite (except for the times I had to wake up because I drank 66 oz of water yesterday and I was peeing up a storm). While it was all happening I thought maybe it was that my blood sugar was too low. As Anna mentioned, we all live in fear that we're about to be Diabetic (and I have a family history) and I tried to call my girlfriend and although she had good intentions she bashed the Atkins Diet and told me to look at amore sensible plan. My hunny was so worried he suggested I eat a piece of chocolate!!!!!! I wanted to do anything to be better but I didn't want to ruin my six days of progress!!!! I called my Aunt who did Atkins with me the last time (she had a terrible cholesterol problem) to try to talk sense with her and she discouraged me from eating sugar. She's an LPN and she said it was most likely the wine. It's really hard for me to believe that the little wine did that but I guess its possible. I ate very little yesterday because I'm just not hungry .... I got scared I was hurting myself. My day consisted of:

Breakfast: Awesome French Toast
Decaf Coffee with Cream and a Splenda

Lunch: Hickory Smoked Tuna right out of the package
A Few Peanuts
I had to force lunch, I was NOT hungry.

Dinner: Hamburger (homemade----loved it)
Sauteed brussell sprouts with garlic and oil (loves those too)
Sauteed mushrooms and a few onions.

Snack: 2 string cheese sticks.

That's pretty drastic from my pre-Atkins meal and I got scared I was dipping too low but I never had ANYTHING like that happen to me before. Needless to say this morning I feel ok but I'm so nervous that will happen again. OH, and I drank 66 oz of water.

I'm gonna write more later because I have a lot to say but I have got to get ready for work.

OH! French Toast recipe....YOU HAVE GOT TO TRY IT, ITS AMAZING.

2 eggs
1/2 cup heavy cream
some cinnamon to taste
2 packets of Splenda

Whisk together.

Ad 3 oz of crushed pork rinds (I swear this sounds gross but it isnt) Let the pork rinds soak in the mixture 2-3 minutes. It becomes like a goopy batter.

Heat a non stick frying pan with some butter and fry them like pancakes. enjoy with butter and sugar free syrup.

I EAT THIS EVERY MORNING AND I CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE IT NOW ..... ENJOY! IT IS A LIFESAVER FOR ME

[IM DENYSE]

does anyone ever experience bouts of sweating or where you feel like it must be 90 degrees? is that my metabolism or is something wrong with me???? Its the middle of winter and I'm lowering the thermostat to 63 degrees!!!

[Yankee Belle]

Don't panic quite yet. Easier said than done if you have panic attacks...believe me, I know! (Another thing we have in common...geez girl!)
It very well could have been carb withdrawl that you were suffering from. I get it everytime I start this plan. The first time it happened, I almost quit but fortunately I called my ex sister-in-law who encouraged me to stick with it. (That was the time that I ended up losing 70 lbs!)
This go around I had a MAJOR headache on day 2 but ignored it. I guess that it helped knowing what it was. And yesterday I actually vomited. I think that was from the vitamins I took.
Blah. I'm rambling. Anyhow...stick with it. I betcha a million to one that it's this nasty carb withdrawl that you're experiencing. I'm going to surf and try to find something on it for you.

[Yankee Belle]

Q: Where did the term Carbohydrate Addict come from?

A: Contrary to what people may think, we did not invent the term Carbohydrate Addiction. The term was first published in a 1963, in a scientific article authored by Robert Kemp, T.D., M.D., M.R.C.P. Taking one step backwards, in 1947, Theron G. Randolph, M.D. published an article suggesting that certain foods could be addictive. He presented the following concept:

"Food addiction -- a specific adaptation to one or more regularly consumed foods to which a person is highly sensitive - produces a common pattern of symptoms descriptively similar to those of other addictive processes. Most often involved are corn, wheat, coffee, milk, eggs, potatoes and other frequently eaten foods. In contrast to the ordinary conception of food sensitization, the food addict is 'picked up' temporarily after a meal containing his addictant, but is 'let down' subsequently by the delayed recurrence of withdrawal effects or hangover-like symptoms. These hangovers recur regularly early in the morning, during the night, prior to or between meals, provided the specific food is eaten in each meal at the usual hours. The addiction cycle, or the time elapsing between meals and the onset of the hangover, depends on the individual's degree of sensitivity and the phase of adaptation to the specific excitant or excitants."

Stop for a moment and think about the paragraph that you have just read being about carbohydrate-rich foods. Interesting, isn't it. The word addict associated with carbohydrate is not being used loosely.

An addiction has been defined as "the failure to stop using a substance which is deleterious to health, where use results in short-term mood alteration". According to criteria set up by the American Psychiatric Association for psychoactive substance dependence addition exists when:

1. the substance is taken in larger and larger amounts or over longer periods than a person intended. (CAs often find this to be true of starches, sweets, snacks and junk food,

2. there is a real attempt, one or more times, to cut down or control the use of the substance. (CAs have tried diet after diet with little or no success in sticking with the diet),

3. there is a continued use of the substance despite the understanding that it leads to social, psychological, or physical problems. (CAs know that the social stigma, the weight, and the health issues that confront them are related to their eating, but they still can not stop),

4. withdrawal symptoms. (CAs often find that, because they become hypoglycemic an hour or two after eating high carbohydrate foods, leading to sweats, shakes, irritability, or mood changes),

5. the substance is taken to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms. (CAs often need a carbohydrate snack to feel better).
As we point out in Healthy For Life, we believe that there is a TRIAD OF ADDICTION: that is BEHAVIOR, ENVIRONMENT, and BIOLOGY. In order to successfully correct an addiction, all three factors in the triad must be corrected. Most diet strategies do not correct the most important, that is, BIOLOGY. For CAs, the biological correction is insulin balance through changes in frequency of carbohydrate intake and control of hidden carbos and carbo act-alikes.

Just a reminder for those who try to explain our programs to others. Our programs are not low-carbohydrate programs. They are low-frequency of carbohydrate eating programs that allow for reasonable carbohydrate intake, without throwing insulin levels out of balance.

[azjacque]

You're doing awesome! Thanks for the french toast recipe! I'm going to try it this weekend. I'll let you know! Have a great day!

[Valentine Baby]

I can really relate with you on the anxiety part. When I 1st started Atkin's I was worried that I wasn't eating properly and that this WOE was a bad thing. I did get dizzy at times and a little freaked out about my health. But I kept going because no one else is dying from this WOE? hahaha

And yes. It's winter and my hands and feet are usually freezing all the time but since starting this WOE they are always warm. As a matter of fact I just told my DH that this winter I feel like I'm not that cold.

Just stick with it and before you know it you'll feel wonderful!

[IM DENYSE]

Thanks guys....bad news. I felt the same way later this morning and I got so nervous because I had ALL the symptoms of a hypoglycemic. I didn't throw myself into a full blown panic attack this time because I was sure it was a hypoglycemic attack but I started crying because I figured the doctor was going to tell me that I was diabetic and that I couldn't do this diet anymore. My mom convinced me to drink a small thing of orange juice but I looked it and it had 53 DAMN CARBS --- OMG! That's over 2 days of allotted carbs! I drank the orange juice and another four ounces of Minute Maid Lemonade and still didn't feel better. In fact, I got a raging headache after that that I cannot get rid of. I called my doctor and they wanted to see me. Well..... what I didn't mention is that I've been on blood pressure meds for years. My blood pressure was reallly elevated .... 145/100. UGH. I have to monitor everyday and go back Tuesday nite. If its not down they are putting me on more meds. Holy Crap! He told me I didn't have to go off it because he wants to see me take the weight off so the blood pressure won't be high. Not good. Jesus. I have to watch my salt intake. Does anyone know how much salt one should intake each day? I'm so bummed. It was an awful day. Good news was that I didn't eat anything wrong except the flippin orange juice. I got home and I'M STILL IN KETOSIS! I'm not sure how that is even possible but I am! I am! Yaaaaaay. I'll write more later....my boy wants me to drive him the movies.

Bad day....

[IM DENYSE]

I did everything I could to just lay around today and try to relax. Kept sodium at an all time low level (which isn't easy with sodium just naturally in everything). Wasn't hungry much but ate, nonetheless .... drank 66 oz of water so far .... probably will drink more since its only 7:32. I'm ultra sensitive today I'm sure because its the first day on my cycle .... I feel like hunny thinks I'm a big lazy ass because I laid around all day while he did all the laundry. Ugh. Then I started thinking in my head he didn't love me anymore because I'm a big fat ass. I'm feeling needy but I'm certainly not going to say anything in this emotional state because I'm sure it will only start an argument and that's not really fair to him. How can I expect anyone to like me when I don't really like myself right now? I am so angry at myself for getting back up to this weight. I am looking forward to going to the doctor on Tuesday evening and finding out if I have to have my meds upped and then weighing so I can see what I've lost (LOL). I really want to find a doctor in my area who has experience treating low carbers....we really have special needs when we have medical issues. I don't even know how to go about finding that. I feel like my doctor is not thorough. My BP when I just checked (after resting all day) was 148/94 ... I was SO BUMMED. Ughhhhh. This is going to mean having to go off of my birth control pills which means the doctor won't refill me for next month ... they are pretty serious about those things when it comes to elevated BPs.

Can ya tell I'm having a terrible day?

More later.....

[Valentine Baby]

I'm so sorry you're not feeling well and I hope you're feeling better soon. As for your BP do what the Dr says. I have HBP too. I'm still on meds but mine is the lowest it's ever been in like forever. I think this WOE is the cause of my BP being better. Just hang tight and you'll be alright!

[Valentine Baby]

Val ... I'm not gonna quit, I have just never experienced this kind of difficulty before and it's not only scary but it's so frustrating when you are trying to do something about your problem (lose weight) and you have the very problem in your way. Ya know? Anyway .... I saw you had a link in your signature that says Food Journal. I went there and its exactly what I'm looking for but as I started to journal my food for today it said I already had 16 carbs ... theres no way .... I cooked two scrambled eggs (no butter, no salt) and it said I had like 500 mg of sodium...there is only 65 mg in an egg. I had two eggs scrambled and a 1/2 cup of shredded cheddar cheese oh and a whole cucumber...I have NOT eaten 16 grams. Am I missing something with using it? I'd like to use something like that but the outcomes of whats it is tracking don't seem accurate. Your thoughts?

I got that you only had 10 carbs. I don't usually count my sodium. I just don't cook with it or add it too my food. Are you on a limit with sodium?

I love using the fitday food journal it's a great guide to help me keep track. I think it's pretty accurate but I always add my own custom food a lot of the time because sometimes I'm just not sure.

If you click on my food journal link and then go to Jan. 9th I added what you ate and you can see what I came up with. Most of your carbs are coming from the cucumber from what I can see. Maybe you should try just half a cuke?

I hope this helps? I'm rootin for ya!

[IM DENYSE]

Oh yikes, I didn't realize the cucumber had all those carbs! YIKES. I ate it because I felt like I should eat more and I like cukes. Holy Cow! That bums me out!

The doctor didn't say to restrict salt, I just figured while I try to get it down I better cut out bacon, sausage, lunchmeat...it sucks.

[azjacque]

Hi Denyse! It's okay to be lazy sometimes! Don't feel guilty. I'm sorry you had a bad day yesterday. I hope today is better!

[IM DENYSE]

thanks Jacque .... I appreciate the support. Today is just as bad but I have to get out of the house so I am going to ask my son to come to the Low Carb Grocery Store with me.

[Alcestis]

Denyse. So sorry you're having a rough time right now. Don't worry about getting confused over the carb count in this and that - you're doing exactly the right thing by researching, using Fitday etc. Just think of it all as a learning experience.

Don't feel guilty about taking it easy...it's the only thing to do if you're sick / feeling rough etc etc. I'm sure your hubby coped just fine with the laundry!

[IM DENYSE]

OMG. The dizziness I think is an inner ear infection. How retarded. BP is up, but at least its not causing dizziness. UGH. That doctor sucks.

Another rockin day! Ate great all day. No desire to even cheat. I'm only down 2.5 lbs according to my scale since I went to the doctor but I'll take 2.5 lbs since Friday!

WOOHOO!

[Valentine Baby]

Sounds like your on the right track.

Also sounds like you're feeling better today.

Keep on keepin on!

[IM DENYSE]

WOOHOO! The scale says 293...it was 296.5 when I was at the doctor on Friday. I've set a mini-goal of 275. When I see that number, it's really happenin!

Will journal later. It's gonna be a busy day!