Roxanne's Journal

[RoxanneRoxanne]

As of yesterday, I'm back on track.

I had gained all of my weigh back (and then some ). Hopefully this time is for keeps.

Yesterday I weighed in at 287.5. I will weigh every Monday.

Yesterday for lunch I had chicken and a salad, for a snack I had a boiled egg, and for dinner I had taco salad.

Today I stepped on the elliptical for the first time in months. Only stayed on for 5 minutes. I'm going to keep it at 5 minutes for a while. I'm going to take things slow.

I had scrambled eggs and turkey breakfast for breakfast and taco salad for lunch.

[RoxanneRoxanne]

My husband brought home a box of breakfast sandwiches (sausage biscuits). This morning as he was leaving he told me that it would behoove me to try one because they are delicious. Here are some reasons why it would NOT "behoove" me to eat those biscuits:

1. I haven't even been married a year yet and my wedding rings are too small
2. On Monday I weighed 16 pounds more than I did in my previous "before" picture
3. I want to have a baby
4. I don't want to hear my mother-in-law talk about how fat she used to be, then saying that I'm about the size she used to be
5. I want to be able to ride a rollercoaster if I want to
6. My PCOS symptoms will improve if I continue to lose weight
7. I get tired too easily
8. I'm unhealthy
9. I don't want to be at a higher risk for certain diseases
10. I want to live a long and healthy and happy life with my husband

Last night for dinner I had 2 hamburger patties with cheese. I drank a total of about 64 oz. of water.

This morning for breakfast I had 2 scrambled eggs and 2 strips of turkey bacon. For lunch I'm having grilled chicken salad with ranch dressing.

I didn't resist the urge to get on the scale this morning and I weighed 282 pounds, which is 5.5 pounds less than I weighed 2 days ago. I know it's water weight, but it still feels good!

[averyjenn]

Hey girl! No I'm not a crazy stalker, I journal too and like to cheer my friends on. Me and Andrea from PCOS board journal and we post on each other's journals. Good to see you started one!! They are so helpful and others will come and post on your journal, you'll see! Good for you for saying not to those biscuits!!

[RoxanneRoxanne]

Hey Jenn! Thanks for the encouragement!

[averyjenn]

I posted to you on my journal board!

[Valentine Baby]

Originally Posted by RoxanneRoxanne

My husband brought home a box of breakfast sandwiches (sausage biscuits). This morning as he was leaving he told me that it would behoove me to try one because they are delicious. Here are some reasons why it would NOT "behoove" me to eat those biscuits:

1. I haven't even been married a year yet and my wedding rings are too small
2. On Monday I weighed 16 pounds more than I did in my previous "before" picture
3. I want to have a baby
4. I don't want to hear my mother-in-law talk about how fat she used to be, then saying that I'm about the size she used to be
5. I want to be able to ride a rollercoaster if I want to
6. My PCOS symptoms will improve if I continue to lose weight
7. I get tired too easily
8. I'm unhealthy
9. I don't want to be at a higher risk for certain diseases
10. I want to live a long and healthy and happy life with my husband

Last night for dinner I had 2 hamburger patties with cheese. I drank a total of about 64 oz. of water.

This morning for breakfast I had 2 scrambled eggs and 2 strips of turkey bacon. For lunch I'm having grilled chicken salad with ranch dressing.

I didn't resist the urge to get on the scale this morning and I weighed 282 pounds, which is 5.5 pounds less than I weighed 2 days ago. I know it's water weight, but it still feels good!

Just wanted to pop in and say hello. You're doing Great! And KUTGW!

5.5 lbs. gone! wooooohooooo!

BTW...Great list of whys .

[flutterbyu]

Roxanne Jenn's right about posting on journals. It's a great way to keep yourself accountable, and I love the random support from people who I didn't even know were reading! It's always nice to have a cheering section!

I love your entry about DH and the "behooving" Those are 10 darn good reasons! Good job with staying on plan. I'm not positive of your stats or goals, but it looks like we're pretty similar, and those 10 reasons are 10 of mine also!

Keep up the good work!!!

[RoxanneRoxanne]

Thanks so much Jenn, Val and Andrea for dropping in and encouraging me!

Another day under my belt.

onedayatatime...onedayatatime...

Last night for dinner I had chicken and spinach. I drank about 64 oz. of water total yesterday.

This morning I weighed 280.5. That's 7 pounds lost since Monday!

This morning for breakfast I had a boiled egg. For lunch I had 2 hamburger patties with cheese. For dinner I will have chicken and greens. I didn't get to drink much water today.

[RoxanneRoxanne]

This morning I weighed 279 so I'm down 8.5 pounds since Monday.

Today for breakfast I had 2 eggs and 2 strips of turkey bacon. For lunch I had chicken and greens. I've almost finished my 52 oz. cup of water.

Today I went to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting. I have mixed feelings about it. First of all my focus was probably a little off...I was feeling very self-conscious at first because the other ladies were all much thinner than me, most of them were very thin. This is sort of sad to say, but I was relieved when others came who were closer to my size. Also, I couldn't bring myself to contribute anything. I wasn't "required" to since this was my first meeting, but I wouldn't even read out loud or anything. I just basically wanted to observe and see if this is something that could possibly help me. It's great having online support but I wonder if having face-to-face support and a sponsor will REALLY light a fire under me. Another concern I have is that I want to get pregnant soon, so I'm hesitant to join knowing that I may not continue during and after my pregnancy (although I'm sure the meetings could benefit me even then). I think that I will perhaps go to a couple more meetings and make my final decision, but right now I'm leaning towards not joining. I'm already journaling, I can read their literature on my own if I want to, and I do have support and accountability. Hmmmm, sounds like I've already made up my mind.

[cdn_gal]

WTG on the 8.5 loss already..... And I would suggest, do whatever you feel comfortable with.... If you dont feel comfortable at the meetings, then dont go, cause chances are your not going to get everything out of it, that you are expecting.....If your like me, you have to "feel" in order to do, which in turn allows us to soak up everything, in whatever situation we are doing..... If I'm not really interested, or feel in like I'm not fitting in, then I wont get anything out of it.... And like you've said, I think you've already made up your mind..... Find something that makes you feel comfortable while doing it, your success will only benefit from it.... Good luck, and KUTGW!!!.......Lei

[RoxanneRoxanne]

Lei thanks for the good advice. I don't think I'm going to any more of those meetings. I'll do some checking to see if I can find other support groups in which I might feel more comfortable. If not, maybe I'll just have to move beyond my present comfort level and confide more in my family and friends if I need face-to-face support.

Last night was my first rough night dealing with temptation. I mean, I haven't really been tempted all week, even with the sausage biscuits in the freezer and a table full of cookies and candies at my job. I just passed those things up easily, didn't want them at all. Well last night I had leftover chicken and greens and I made chicken fettuccine alfredo for my husband. I was full when I cooked for my husband, but I felt like I was starving. His food looked and smelled so good! The whole house smelled like chicken fettuccine alfredo and it was like torture for me.

After we'd gone to be, the house still smelled like chicken fettuccine alfredo and I started talking to my husband to let him know how I was feeling. Then I told him about the OA meeting that I'd attended and why I didn't feel like it was such a good fit for me. I told him how I felt being the only big woman (at the beginning) in a room full of women talking about compulsive overeating. Granted, I don't know these women's stories, some of them may have been big before and managed to lose all of their weight, and I know for sure that some were bulimic. But here's what I told my husband "If one of those size 2 women were to talk about sitting in a car and eating a half dozen donuts at once, and eating to the point where they had 'ballooned' up to a size 4, I don't know if I can handle that! I would feel cheated because I've NEVER done anything like that, eating a dozen donuts at once, and yet here I am. I ALREADY feel cheated!" I also told him that I almost wished that I had been bulimic, because I would have rather been one of the skinny once at that meeting instead of the only fat one. But I took that back. I don't wish that for myself.

My husband asked me if that's the reason why I don't want him to tell me how much he weighs and I told him yes. Really the reason is this: the last time I tried low carbing my husband lost more weight than I did, and he wasn't even low carbing! That was extremely frustrating for me and I did not want to repeat that. When I started back on this program on Monday, I did not tell my husband what I was doing because I did not want to feel like he was trying to sabotage my efforts. But it seems like the minute I got back on track, he started telling me his weight everyday, so I asked him not to tell me his weight anymore unless I asked him. My wonderful husband is so wonderful and so supportive! He said that he doesn't expect me to be like him, that we're opposite in some ways and metabolically, we are opposite. He just held me and told me that he loves me just the way I am and that he's never mentioned my weight. I asked him if he didn't at least want me to get back to the weight that I was when he met me and he told me that I'm fine the way I am. I asked him if he would still love me if I gained 100 pounds and he said that he would love me no matter what. He said he just wants me to exercise. And it's true, he has always encouraged me to exercise. He has always told me that he's not concerned about my weight, he just wants me to be healthy.

Later that night my husband got up and went into the bathroom. I knew that he was getting on the scale. When he came out I told him that I knew that he wanted to tell me his weight, so he should just go ahead and tell me. He said "You don't want to know." So I told him to just go ahead and tell me, and he's lost 10.5 pounds this week. He's eaten a higher carb version of what I've eaten most of the week (when I had taco salad, he had chips with his, when I had cheeseburgers, he had buns with his), also he has eaten sausage biscuits most mornings, he's had ice cream, not to mention some delicious chicken fettuccine alfredo. The only thing that he's been doing differently is that he's been working out in the gym.

After he told me how much he'd lost, which was 2 pounds more than what I had lost at that point, I literally felt angry. I wasn't angry at my husband, I was angry with my situation. Angry that I couldn't enjoy chicken fettuccine alfredo and still manage to lose 10.5 pounds in less than a week. Angry at being the only fat person in an OA meeting. Angry at having PCOS and being metabolically resistant to weight loss. Then I REALLY wanted to eat my husband's food! He told me to go ahead and eat some, it was okay.

I didn't do it. I had a talk with myself and I told me that I know that there will be difficult times, nobody said this would be easy, and nobody said that this was fair. In the long run, I'd rather be at my goal weight eating chicken and greens than at my current weight (or higher) eating chicken fettuccine alfredo.

This morning I weighed 276.5, so that's 11 pounds lost since Monday, and half a pound more than what my husband has lost! Okay, I'm really not going to compare myself with him because I'll just be setting myself up for failure, but I won't lie, I was happy. I'm not going to ask him about his weight anymore.

[cdn_gal]

Okay, I'm really not going to compare myself with him because I'll just be setting myself up for failure, but I won't lie, I was happy. I'm not going to ask him about his weight anymore.

Awwww, Dont you be comparing yourself to anyone.... Men especially..... For some reason they just tend to lose weight faster, just a fact of life..... And remember, everyone looses differently, just as much as they loose from different parts of their bodies...... Some the weight seems to just melt off, others like me, just turtle along at a slow steady pace..... But thats okay with me, if you take it off slow, chances are higher that you will keep it off.... Another fact..... Your doing incredible, hang in there, you WILL reach your goal, even if it happens to be at a slower rate then some.... And your hubby sounds like an awesome support system, we all need one of those in this journey..... KUTGW, you rock girl!!......Lei

[Valentine Baby]

Originally Posted by cdn_gal

Awwww, Dont you be comparing yourself to anyone.... Men especially..... For some reason they just tend to lose weight faster, just a fact of life..... And remember, everyone looses differently, just as much as they loose from different parts of their bodies...... Some the weight seems to just melt off, others like me, just turtle along at a slow steady pace..... But thats okay with me, if you take it off slow, chances are higher that you will keep it off.... Another fact..... Your doing incredible, hang in there, you WILL reach your goal, even if it happens to be at a slower rate then some.... And your hubby sounds like an awesome support system, we all need one of those in this journey..... KUTGW, you rock girl!!......Lei

I have to agree...Don't compare yourself to a mans weight loss. They all lose faster than women.

I use to weigh the same as my DH. (that sucked) He is so musclular and lean and he eats like a pig. I tell him often that it's not fair. I look at food and gain 10 lbs. He eats a lot of junk and loses 20. Go figure?

This is somthing I've learned since starting the WOE. Don't compare your body with anyone elses body. You'll get discouraged everytime. I know I did. I was watching everyone lose 10 lbs. or more on Induction. I only lost 6 lbs. Now I should have been happy about that 6 lb loss but I was to busy looking at everyone elses better progress.

Be happy at any loss. (It's not a gain) Take one meal at a time, one day at a time. You're doing great!

[averyjenn]

I so relate to a lot of what you wrote. I never thought I had a food addiction UNTIL I began this WOL. I always knew that I could not buy bad food for the house or else I'd eat it all. Not in one sitting mind you, but it would haunt me if I knew I baked brownies and they...were...out...there. Everytime I went to the kitchen, I'd get another piece, etc. I dreamt about food, I woke up thinking about what to eat. I'd get to work (when I was in an office) and I'd ask the girls where are we ordering from today, going out to dinner was like THE only thing I wanted to do. I'm so grateful that this WOL has shown me how bad I was and I pray that it's the same for you, but if not, don't hesitate to get help. Had I not done this and it worked for me, OA was where I needed to be and if you suspect you can gain some benefit or if you think that you may not be strong enough, then go back to OA. My brother who is an alcoholic and struggling between sobriety and drinking and I talk about the similarities between overeating and alcoholism. Just something for you to think about.

My dh is 5'10" and weighs about 175 and he thinks he's "fat". I weighed more than him for so long, the entire time I knew him up until a few months ago. He will do lc with me - like he says he is for this cruise and wants to lose 10 lbs. He can wait until 2 weeks before and be strict and easily lose 10 lbs. Don't compare yourself to your dh, men ALWAYS lose faster than women. If you watch Biggest Loser, it's why they have the men vs. women and do their percentages rather than lbs lost since it's not fair.

And hey chicken alfredo? One of my favs now that I'm low carbing, ditch the pasta and add a salad. You can eat the sauce, it's lc!!

Big hugs to you girl.

[RoxanneRoxanne]

Today I weighed 275.5 for a total of 12 pounds lost!

I haven't taken my measurements yet so I'm going to do that now.

Bust: 53
Waist: 51
Hips: 51
Neck: 18
Arms: 19
Thighs: 32


cdn_gal, you're right of course, I know that men lose faster than women and that I should not compare myself to my husband. I want to be as supportive to him as he is to me, so I just need to find a way to not let it bother me when he loses more than I do with little or no effort.

Val, you're right too of course, I should not compare my progress with other people's progress because at some point I will become discouraged. I know that this process is different for everyone. Heck, this time around has been different than the last time I tried LC. I'm really going to have to work on not becoming obsessed with the numbers and how I compare to others.

Jenn, my husband is 6'2" and weighs 239 (point five) and it sucks so bad that I weigh so much more than him now. When he weighed 250 (earlier this week) I thought that maybe I could get down to his weight and lower within a reasonable amound of time. Now that he's in the 230's it just seems like I'll never get there. What a difference a week makes!

About the food addiction, I know full well that I'm a sugar addict. Me and my best friend have talked about this issue a lot and how trying to overcome the cravings for sugary foods seems similar to trying to quit smoking, drinking, drugs, etc. One thing that I did really like about OA was the spiritual aspect, because I know that I can't do this without God. Does your brother go to meetings? Have they helped? If so, how long did it take for him to find a group in which he felt comfortable?

That's a good suggestion about the chicken alfredo. I saw a recipe for it on the site that you gave me the link to (thanks!) and when I was craving my husband's food so bad, I thought about that recipe. The thing is, it was the NOODLES that I was craving. The chicken alfredo wouldn't have satisfied my craving. I wasn't hungry, I just wanted those darn noodles.

Ladies thanks so much for all of your supportive and encouraging words!

[averyjenn]

I'm such a dummy, I didn't comment on your loss - 12#!!! WOW girl, I lost 15 the whole first month on lc. YOU ROCK. I don't want you to use the PCOS excuse any more! You are kicking butt and I'm so happy for you!

[Valentine Baby]

Yeah!

12 lbs gone!

You're doing it!

[Alcestis]

You're doing so, so well. I think the weight loss journey is almost more about how we feel and learning about our emotions than about the actual weight loss! Do whatever feels comfortable for you - the OA meetings might be right further down the line, it's up to you entirely. I'm a recovering alcoholic and I go to meetings but I only started going when it was right for me. It took me a while to feel like "part of the family". The best part for me, like you, is the spiritual aspect - wherever I am now, I know I'm not alone and I don't have to deal with everything on my own. I can just hand it over to God and take one day at a time. This has been a huge help in my WOE as well - funny how it all ties in together.

I can so understand your feelings of anger - I think we use food to stuff down so many emotions and when we commit to a new WOE, we don't have that distraction anymore. But it's good to get through the feelings and go with them - it'll make you even stronger in the long run.

I love your honesty - I think you'll do so well...don't beat yourself up, try not to compare yourself to others and take pics every couple of months so that you can see how far you've come and finally BELIEVE us when we praise you I have a hard time with this - we're all our own worst critics!

[flutterbyu]

Roxanne, your doing so great!!!! 12 lbs!!!!!

I know how frustrating it is to weigh more than your man. DBF is about 5'9" and just about 200-205 lbs. He has never asked my weight, nor have I provided it. He knows I weigh more than him...I just don't think he knows how much, nor do I feel like giving him that info. I also don't pay attention to him losing, when he decides to, because I know it comes off of him like water! I just keep thinking of how much he'll like the way I look when I get to goal, because I will!! And, so will you!!!!

Keep your chin up girl!!

[RoxanneRoxanne]

Thank you Jenn, Val, and Alcestis!

Alcestis, I know what you mean about using food to stuff down emotions. I have been EXTREMELY emotional since Friday. The only thing that I know to do is hand it all over to God, then I know everything will be okay.

Yesterday I had 2 scrambled eggs with cheese and 2 slices of turkey bacon for breakfast, for dinner I had 2 hamburger patties with cheese and green beans. Last night I went for a short walk with my husband (about 15 minutes). I drank about 50 oz. of water.

This morning I weighed 274.5, so my total weightloss for week 1 is 13 pounds!!! The last time I did this I lost 5 pounds the first week and 4 the second week, so I'm extremely pleased. Also, I'm quite a bit larger than I was the first time around, so I understand that I'll probably lose more in the beginning.

This morning I had a boiled egg for breakfast and 2 grilled hamburger patties with cheese and green beans for lunch.

Today I had my first appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist. We basically went over my medical history and she did an ultrasound. She said that my right ovary looks like it's about ready to ovulate! If I ovulate on my own, I'll be quite excited. I won't be trying to conceive right now though because my uterine lining is low and I'm still bleeding. Thursday I'm having an endometrial biopsy in my gyn's office, so hopefully after that we can figure out a course of action to help my body get back to a normal cycle.

Not surprisingly, the RE told me that losing weight would most likely help with regulating my cycles and conceiving. She said that I should at least get to the weight that I was when I got pregnant before. She advises that I should lose about 4 or 5 pounds a month, and that anything more than that is unrealistic. Hmmm, I think I've got the first couple of months covered.

In other news, one of my co-workers told me today that she can tell that I'm losing inches. I told her that she made my day!

[RoxanneRoxanne]

Andrea, thanks!

I know what you mean. My husband comes to some of my doctor's appointments with me, and I tell him to continue to wait until AFTER they've checked my weight before he comes back to the exam room with me. He has asked me my weight, but I won't tell. I'll be glad when I feel comfortable enough about my weight to tell him what it is.

[kmf1028]

Congrats and WTG on that loss --- that is so awesome. I understand about the man thing - my DH can lose weight just by thinking it (I swear) - it makes me so made sometimes.