My Breakthrough...

[mtsofmercy]

This time, this has to be real. This time I can't get to a goal size or a certain weight, start feeling comfortable and gain it all back. I can't go down that road again.

My losses:
2001-28 lbs then got pregnant
2002- I was 240 lbs when I delievered, then lost 41 lbs. afterward
2003- I bounced around losing and gaining the same weight... while creeping upward consistantly
By April of 2004 I weighed 258 lbs., but by Dec. 31, I was 217 lbs.
Jan. 2005-March 2005 I got down to 183 lbs., then I lost it and feel into bulemia to control my weight. After getting caught on two seperate occasions by my mother and DJ, I tried hiding it better, but failed again. And finally, I stopped. I am not sure how I stopped really. The urge still hits at times. And the binging has continued. I need freedom from food.

Today: Dec. 1, 2005 I stepped on the scale and weigh 233.6 lbs. That is 50.6 lbs up from my lowest weight. I am tired of yo-yo. I really am. I feel fat everywhere. I can feel where the rolls have come back. When I look in the mirror, all I see is fat.

I keep lcing for a day or two and then drop the ball again. That has to stop.

This is my journal is get out my thought and feelings and to fight these demons I've been dealing with for years. I want to be freed from the chains that food has on me. I want to stop finding comfort there... and thinking I have control with it, only to find out that it controls me.

I plan on being real here. Not sugar coating, not hiding. I need that for myself. I HAVE to win this battle once and for all.

I have debating on starting this journal b/c I don't want to be one who starts one, then enters 3 entries, then disappears. I am determined to do this, and knowing I have to write here helps. I am tired of being humilated by my gain and my lack of self control.

I am starting over today. All the weight loss of the past doesnt' count anymore. All of that is overwith. It doesn't matter that I "used" to weigh 183, 199 or even 210 lbs. TODAY is what counts.

[mtsofmercy]

I will post my menu at the end of the day, along w/ fitday totals. I need to get into that habit again as well.

I am heading out to the gym now and plan on walking on the tredmil for 30 mins at least.

[beeshoney]

Go Amber! I remember you from the Protein Challenge and I saw you do this before. You can do it again.

[faemajik]

you go girl, we will all be here to cheer you on

[Leashy]

Good for you!!

[beth30]

hooray!!!! Go Amber! I am struggling with my eating disorder right now...but wanted to post SOMETHING!! LOL It's good to see you over here! Beth

[Alcestis]

Good to see you here, Amber Just write, something, anything in here every day or so and you'll be amazed at how helpful it is.

[mtsofmercy]

Back from the gym! 30 mins done!

[faemajik]

way to go girlie

hope your attitude and outlook is energized and refreshed onward and downward

[mtsofmercy]

Still going strong!! On my way to dinner at Applebee's w/ a fellow low carber!

[faemajik]

menu for the day when done and have a GREAT TIME

and details

[mtsofmercy]

Today was good foodwise. Dinner was great too!


Final menu:
b: coffee
l: chicken breast w/ broccoli
snack: sausage
d: steak and broccoli
snack: cheese


I am drank alot of diet coke, water, coffee and crystal light today!

I hope I see a loss in the morning!!

Thanks guys for being here to cheer me on!!

[faemajik]

you did great woman( like I had a doubt)
keep up the good work and you will be rewarded tenfold

[mtsofmercy]

I'm down 2.4 lbs from yesterday.

It makes me to see that I weigh in the 200's again, let alone 230 something!!! Never again. When I get out out of each "decade" good ridence.

Yesterday was a hectic day...

I have two daughters, Hannah (6) and Abby (3). They are my life. After my workout yesterday, Abby had swimming lessons, then we rushed home and did a couple hours of Hannah's homeschool work. At 1 she had her swimming lesson, then we rushed home again to complete more work. Then Abby had her ballet class at 5, then we met a fellow LCF member (LadyAnji) for dinner at 7. I needed to go Walmart but I was so exhausted I just came home. I got the girls in bed, but I couldn't sleep myself b/c I babysit on 3rd shift and I had to stay up and wait for the little girl to come over. Finally I passed out around midnight.

I can tell I'm lowcarbing though, b/c at 5:44 a.m. I was wide awake and out of bed. That is always a sure sign that I'm eating right. I only sleep about 6 hours a night while LCing. It is nice really.

Today should be a more relaxed day. We have some work to make up from yesterday on homeschooling, but it shouldn't be too bad. Hannah does virtual school and her things are online. It takes about 5 hrs a day but I really am impressed w/ the cirriculum and they provide her w/ her own computer and all kind of supplimental things that I just couldn't get while doing our other homeschooling program. I am really happy w/ this set up.

Right now I'm sipping my coffee. I boiled some eggs last night and they are sounding pretty good right now. So eggs for breakky it is. Of course I'll do a detailed updated menu later. I am also going to enter my food in fitday today. Yesterday was so hectic I just didn't have time to do it. Today it will be a priority.

I also plan on doing a workout dvd today.

TGIF!!!

[PJMS]

GO AMBER , GO AMBER GO AMBER!!!!!!!wOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mtsofmercy]

Mid-Day update!

I had burgers w/ ranch for lunch! Yum! Doing great!

[vargagurl]

You're doing great Amber.

[DarbyAz]

[mtsofmercy]

Still going strong. Finished menu:

b: coffee, egg salad
l: burgers w/ cheese and ranch
d: hamburger, cheese, green beans together, lc pnb pie (my own made up recipe)

I am stuffed. Overly stuffed actually. I'll be careful not to do that again. Ketosis is kicking in I can totally tell.

[faemajik]

awesome job Amber
You will totally beat this and have utter control over your woe

[pooticus]

ambie i'm so proud of u girl! ur dooooooooin eeeet! u will start building more and more confidence in urself hon. if u had asked me a little over 2 weeks ago if i could say this with assurance i woulda laughed. but today i am certain that lc is the best thing on this earth. it's given me power over my life again!!! and the energy thing is wonderful.

u so deserve this hon! congrats girl kutgw!

[mtsofmercy]

loss: 3 lbs.
total loss: 5.4 lbs.


I feel pretty good this morning!! Tonight we have a potluck at church for the Ladies Ministries. I plan on taking a couple things lc as well as eating before I go to make sure I don't cave. My resolve right now is great though, and seems to be increasing everyday.

I think I may go ahead and head to the gym in a little while for a walk on the treadmill. I may even brave the elipitcal machine!! LOL Hannah has dance class from 1:30-2:15 so I can work out during that time.

I am thinking I will have leftover din-din for breaky this morning. I love that stuff. I made up the recipe. All you do is brown hamburger and add a bag of shredded cheese and a can of green beans. It is so good and filling. I'll post the rest of my meals as I go.


OH yeah, I almost forgot TOM is due today, but I had a dream last night that I was pregnant w/ twins!!! In my dream I could feel the baby in my tummy!! It is no lie... I have baby fever... but now I'm doing so well on my weight loss....I am just not sure what to think or want....

We shall see!

[mtsofmercy]

Thanks guys for your support!!!

[MrMike]

Originally Posted by mtsofmercy

I am starting over today. All the weight loss of the past doesnt' count anymore. All of that is overwith. It doesn't matter that I "used" to weigh 183, 199 or even 210 lbs. TODAY is what counts.

Exactly!!

Hi Amber....
Hope you don't mind me popping into your journal.

I just happen to be looking through a few journals, and I saw what you said here about your past weightloss. It popped out at me because it's exactly what I told myself when I re-started here a week ago.
What I did in the past......the weight I lost.....the inspiration I was to others.....
None of it amounts to a hill of beans anymore.

What I did last year means nothing if I'm still overweight today. It just doesn't. We can't get by on our past.....we have to forge our tomorrows....today. And I firmly believe that if we let our past successes "go to our heads"....so to speak, we will NEVER lose the weight we need to again.

The biggest part of being successful at losing weight....is KEEPING it off. Until I can do that.....I've done nothing worth noting.

Good for you Amber.....for having the determination and the strength to "get real".....and putting your journal here to keep you accountable.
You're doing GREAT so far!!!

[mtsofmercy]

Thanks Mr. Mike for your post!! I don't mind you popping in here at all!! Thanks!

[mtsofmercy]

OK I'm overwhelmed. I tested today and I am pregnant. I have so many mixed feelings, emotions, thoughts. Not about the baby. I want the baby. I am just going to really have to buckle down and not let myself lose control... or use the pregnancy as an excuse to gain!

I won't do that!!

I have been busy this morning doing alot of research on weight loss during pregnancy, and I have come to the conclusion that it is ok, as long as I am sure to take in the appropriate vitamins, nutrients, etc.


How can it be unhealthy to eat low carb plus maybe 1 slice of wheat bread or 1/2 c brown rice a day? To me that sounds like the perfect diet. My OB/GYN is the one who told me about LC to start w/ so I feel pretty confident that he will ok this eating plan. He knows my struggle w/ weight and how I don't want to gain alot while pregnant. He has delivered by other two children. I also have the South Beach book and I going to read that to get some ideas on how to eat a moderate carb diet.

So I'm not quitting. I'm not stopping. I will continue on my journey to be HEALTHY.

I ate some higher carb peanuts and drank a tiny bit of milk to try to get myself out of ketosis. I'm not sure I want to stay there until I talk to my doc. Does anyone have an opinions on ketosis during pregnancy. I have heard comments from both ends of the spectrum.... For now I am just going to stay of it.


I hope this makes sense... I feel scattered right now. LOL.

[cdn_gal]

Congrats Amber!! A LC baby, how exciting...... From what I can recall, Dr. Atkins says not to stay on the induction level, but rather the Lifetime Maintenance program... Check it out, and your doc will be sure to let ya know.... Good luck!!!....

[PJMS]

I am so very happy for you Amber!!!!!. talk about a prophetic dream you had. hmm I would be checking to see if its twins!!!! I think staying on Lc in maintainence amoutns is perfectly healthy,. the baby does not need sugar or refined anything anyway. it will be much better of not getting that stuff....It will be oh so wonderful to be here with you going thru this....again congratulations!!!!!