Losing it in June the Stillman Weigh

[Getting there!!!]

Originally Posted by kamills

. The unfortunate thing is about eating disorders is they are completely psychological, and uncurable. That's not to say there isn't any hope. When I moved to Spain I started seeing a psychologist specifically about my food issues, and though I am not cured, I learnt that a lot of my current problems can be controlled (which is why I think we both find the thin commandments so useful as he advocates a lot of exercises that my psychologist made me do).

Thanks Kamills! I suppose the only thing I have against The Thin Comm. is that his ways of dealing with the food issues is just to avoid it-never have it in the house etc. -locking them in a combination lock(!!) I do that now ,keeping them out of the house but really is this it? is this how I'm gonna have to live? I suppose according to Gullo then yes!!
I'm not sure I could do the therapy thing-even tho we're not Brits (!!) we Irish def have the British stiff upper lip!! Say nothing and get through it!. I think I want hypnotherapy!! Quick and easy!!

[IM2fat]

OK. .guys. Tuesday and the countdown begins. . I only have 4 days. . what the heck . .why did I sabatoge?

Anyway. .doing better this morning. .Weighed in. .was to be expected. up 1 so I have to really get my butt in gear today. . I plan to have a great day at work and just pray that all the chocolate is gone from my candy dish. If not. . I shall promptly toss it out. What the heck was I thinking anyway? I sense a hormonal rush coming on, too. .so woe is me. .

[Getting there!!!]

Originally Posted by kamills

. Need to switch off my brain. Too diet obsessed. BBL

Me too!!

[Getting there!!!]

Originally Posted by GwnStfni

GT, there is nothing annoying or self-absorbed about you, now stop it and stop apologizing! You are a wealth of information for all of us and we all eagerly listen, with open ears, er eyes. At least I do! You're not at all pompous about your attitude! Pfft!! Keep sharing!

This made me feel better about asking this question and it's a question I have always wondered... I wonder how many people lose all this weight, on low carb or whatever other diet and then get obsessed with the number on the scale and want to be lower, lower, lower? To me, your goal weight and Als goal weight, seem low, even for shorties. I say now I'd be okay at 147 but then I wonder, when I get there, if I will then want to be 131, then when I get there, well what about the 120s, never been there, well okay except maybe when I was 9. I just think we focus for so long on losing the weight and the losing part is what keeps us so focused and keeps us thin, that if we stop focusing on that, what then? Maybe we're scared that then we start putting the weight back on!? I'm talking about being okay with a size 8, but what if I get there and want to be a 4 then a 0. IDK. Obviously, we all have issues with food... if not at one end of the spectrum, then maybe the next? Scared to eat carbs or sugar or what not. I, for one, am tired of this routine. Been dieting since I was like 14, more than half my life. I keep losing and I keep gaining but I have never been lower than 147 and thoughts in the back of my head tell me that's my problem, maybe if I get really skinny, that will be the trick to keeping it off? Ugh. I walk around the city and see all these peeps enjoying dinners on the sidewalk, in the park, couples walking around, holding hands and licking on ice cream cones and it makes me depressed that every minute of the day, I have to fight what I put in my mouth. Every decision is almost exaggerated... I spend probably hours of my day just thinking about food, what I'll put in my mouth, what I want to eat, what I wish I could eat, what I'll eat this weekend, what I'll have when I reach goal, if I'll ever have ice cream again. lolol. It never ends...

Oh Gwn I feel exactly the same!!! I'm fed up with thinking about food!! (I hear ya peeps, stop typing then!!) No but seriously!! I read the labels in the supermarket--even tho I don't buy the food!! I can tell you the cals, carbs and fat in everything!! I spend time in there and then buy the same stuff-used to be eggs and chicken, now it's peppers, apples cukes and tomatoes!! I'm getting more obsessed by the day. I was not this obsessed when I had the weight on (maybe that was my problem!!). It's gotta stop.
Yeah I think everyone wants the scale lower-it's like you think I'll be happy when I get to X you get there, you go nope--but if I get to X I'll be happy and nope again!! It's a vicious circle. I have no way to answer it Gwn or to tell you how not to do it......nobody should take advice from me!!
But Gwn you had a fantastic gorgeous figure at 147-I don't look that good and I'm 20lbs lighter.

[Getting there!!!]

Originally Posted by Mim

GT - thank you.

I have gone back into lurker mode because I can't get on plan, let alone stay there. I don't see myself getting back on until Monday. I haven't found my diet mojo again.

Don't go back to lurker mode-stay until you're ready to get on plan!! I wouldn't be able to do that!! I have to type back!! I got kicked out once cos I couldn't remember my password , so for a couple of hours I could only read-and it nearly killed me!!

[Getting there!!!]

Originally Posted by Mim

My brain is fried! Kamills, I would love a copy of the thin commandments if you would be willing to email the document to me. But I don't see how to send you a private message so I can give you my email address.

I think you have to keep posting Mim! I don't think you can get PMs until you've reached a certain number or been here a certain time!!! If you can--you should be able to click on Kamills name above the avi and it will drop down-send a PM!!

[Getting there!!!]

Originally Posted by BrattyS

I

4 years ago I had a hysterectomy and my hormones went haywire or something because I gained 40 pounds in a short period of time without any diet change.
I think I finally found the right place to go with it. You are all a great group.

Those hormones are a killer!! I got some to help to regulate my periods (that is a bad side affect of being so underweight as a teenager) and OMG I put on 30lbs in the first month!! I think that was the slippery slope to my weight-gain!

[Getting there!!!]

Originally Posted by CCGirl

sends 12's Ralph Lauren and I give them to the church...tags and all. Those heifers can havem!

Ok I'm sure you prob meant that as a joke, CC, and I'm probably just in a prickly mood--but I can't believe you think that, let alone would actually write it on a forum for weight-loss.

[Getting there!!!]

Originally Posted by lisarenee

hi guys! Tomorrow eve. I have my appointment with the plastic surgeon! I still have 30 something pounds to drop, but I am really hoping that he will prescribe me a pill that will help me burn fat faster. Like phentermine hydrochloride, the "upper" that was in phen phen. It was the downer that caused the heart valve defects. I really hope he can give me something to help get the weight off a bit faster. I was up .4 today, but I didn't have enough water yesterday.

I hope everything is going well from everyone. I will check bk in tomorrow!

Hi Lisa!! I really hope everything goes well with the surgeon. Are you really gonna ask for the Phen phen thing?? Oh Lisa I know you want to lose the weight really badly but there's gott be a better way

[Getting there!!!]

Originally Posted by IM2fat

I guess we are all stuck with one another now that we've spilled our guts and shared out secrets .

Yeah!!
I've got a magnet on the fridge that I got from a friend that says--you'll always be my friend....you know too much!!!

[Getting there!!!]

Originally Posted by IM2fat

GT! I'll confess. . I took laxatives today when I got home.. haven't done that in a long , long while but I'm so afraid of going backward right now.. .(however. . taking them makes me feel even worse . .kinda like that out of control feeling..). .
.

I failed at taking laxatives-couldn't stick the cramps!! Oh I'm not really laughing! Those things are awful. God the things we've done to ourselves!! I know how you feel about going backwards, I do!!
The outa control feeling is thee worst!!

[Getting there!!!]

Originally Posted by IM2fat

I want Phentermine! One of my co-workers took it and she shrunk to nothing in no time . .I need some but I'm too chicken to go ask for it. .What happened to the good ole days when you could order if off the internet. . hehehe

Doctor's actually prescribe it??? Wow!!!! Ok honestly (I know I'm warped!) I'd love it too but it's illegal in Ireland and I would be waaaaay too scared of having a heart attack!!

[Getting there!!!]

Originally Posted by IM2fat

We all miss Nermo, too.. very very much. .

The last I heard from her. . she was having computer problems. .

Yes we do!!

[kamills]

Originally Posted by Getting there!!!

Thanks Kamills! I suppose the only thing I have against The Thin Comm. is that his ways of dealing with the food issues is just to avoid it-never have it in the house etc. -locking them in a combination lock(!!) I do that now ,keeping them out of the house but really is this it? is this how I'm gonna have to live? I suppose according to Gullo then yes!!
I'm not sure I could do the therapy thing-even tho we're not Brits (!!) we Irish def have the British stiff upper lip!! Say nothing and get through it!. I think I want hypnotherapy!! Quick and easy!!

Yes, that is true. It does have that flaw, but I was hoping it would get easier. A lot of the time I am surrounded by my trigger foods, and the only way I can get through it is by putting them away from plain sight. Out of sight, out of mind really works. Another thing I'm working on is associating those comfort foods with misery, as that is all they have brought me. The rational part of me can reason me out of the temptation when I think about that misery. And I'm hoping it will become so ingrained in me that I will no longer find it so difficult a few months down the line. Once the appeal has gone, maybe it's not such a bad way to live, and it'll be no different from just not eating a food which you don't like. Does that make any sense at all?

As for the therapy thing... I come from an exceptionally stiff upper lip traditional conservative family, and therapy has always been considered hocus pocus mumbo jumbo BS. "Talking about your feelings? Pah! Not in this house" was pretty much the motto of my parents. But then I got pretty bad depression, and was required to go to a therapist following doctor's orders and also for university tutors (I took a year off uni because of it, and they needed "proof"). Anyway, long story short, if you can find a good therapist it can work wonders. I only have to look at how f*ked up the rest of my family is for not dealing with their problems to realise that I'd prefer to sacrifice a bit of discomfort and pride at talking about what just seems trivial to everyone else, but has a big impact on my life. Having said that, if you get a crap psychologist (which happens too frequently) you'd be put off it for life. Also, it doesn't always have to be about talking about the past and mulling over, it can be really dynamic and proactive. That was what I really liked about it, she got me into the habit of writing a food journal which I always keep doing, and thinking before eating (though that I don't always do, haha). Anyway, her approach was cognitive behavioural therapy, and not any of that over-analytical let's talk about my childhood memories blah. Though of course that can be helpful in other circumstances! You should do it. Change after all does come from you. And you may have changed weight but as you said your thought process hasn't. Maybe it's time to address that. Sorry if I sound like a preacher lady

[Mim]

Originally Posted by IM2fat

Don't leave us! continue to log in . .something or someone will inspire you!

Thank you. I just didn't want to bring anyone else down. But I will continue to check in. This is such a wonderful group!

[Mim]

[QUOTE=IM2fat;13616654]GT! I'll confess. . I took laxatives today when I got home.. haven't done that in a long , long while but I'm so afraid of going backward right now.. .(however. . taking them makes me feel even worse . .kinda like that out of control feeling..). . .I've tried all the other alternatives, too. . but never for very long. . I consider myself more of a binge eater. .consider. . Pfft. . I am a binge eater. . which is why this diet is so perfect for me. . It is difficult to binge on meat and more meat. . I have. . but it doesn't have the same effect as chocolate. .ya know? I failed at being anorerixic and bulemic so I took up chronic dieting. . . What is it that makes food such a driving force? I know you've all really wondered how those skinny chicks do it. . they just don't think about eating. .at least not in the same capacity . . We need a therapist to join our group . ehehehe. .figure us all out!


I could have written this! i have often thought of myself as a failed anorerixic/bulemic. Sad how I've used that even to beat myself up over my weight.

[Mim]

Originally Posted by Getting there!!!

I think you have to keep posting Mim! I don't think you can get PMs until you've reached a certain number or been here a certain time!!! If you can--you should be able to click on Kamills name above the avi and it will drop down-send a PM!!

I'll keep typing! Actually, it has become difficult to just be a lurker because I care about you all and not responding isn't right!

[Mim]

Therapy is a great way to look at some of the "why do I do this" and to especially look an ways to stop the destructive behavior. There are different types of therapists - different schools of thought. A therapist who is a behavorialist really works well for those of us with eating issues.

I am very surprised and thankful that I did not pass my disorder to my children. They both have normal relationships with food. I marvel at that!

[IM2fat]

Originally Posted by Mim

Thank you. I just didn't want to bring anyone else down. But I will continue to check in. This is such a wonderful group!

Really. .we all get something from every post. . whether it is a rant or a happy post.. Do not be afraid of us. .we are all pretty easy going and can take a joke. .

[IM2fat]

Lets just say. . OMG. .I have to remember this feeling the next time I plan to cheat and try to "undo" my cheat. . Just don't do it! I think Acaci decided to work, too . . My morning at work has been quite interesting. .

[CCGirl]

[QUOTE=becky123abc;13616696]There's just something that doesn't set right with me about pills for weight loss...that scares me. [QUOTE]

So true...I couldn't handle the speed feeling jittery thing now. Damn, third cup o' joe and I'm shaky and sick feeling. And to think way back when we were all popping white crosses...........our bodies are smarter than we are, for sure.

[becky123abc]

Today will be a test for me...
I'm off to my monthly get together with my mom and sister. They are both size 6's...or smaller...

Our tradition is to go to Amerigo...a wonderful Italian restaurant...we always get the Tarimasu for dessert.

I don't even want the Tarimasu...but it might be a bit awkward....

I'm going to eat 4 eggs before I go...and take a pack of tuna in case I get low energy...I'll order some kind of grilled chicken for lunch I guess.

I just don't want to dampen their fun...hopefully they won't care that I'm not eating. Hopefully any hidden carbs won't be too bad in the chicken.

I do have a feeling of sadness to know I won't be enjoying that food with them. But I'm really close to onderland...and I don't want to get set back.

I'll check in tonight. Hope everyone has a victorious day!

[Getting there!!!]

Originally Posted by GwnStfni

I used to spend day after day on a pro-ana website (definitely won't say which one), so that I could be "thinspired". I know it's really sick... but I almost wished that I had too and I guess in a way, I wanted to brainwash myself into thinking that way.

Gwn I've looked at those before and they are just awful. The tips and everything and the girls are so young. They weren't really there when I was sick and I am so thankful about that. I think they should be banned-no good can come of them. And you should never try to brainwash yourself into thinking anorexia is good, Gwn. It's bad bad bad.
I do know that those girls are ill and need help and so I don't actually find the picks inspiring at all. But I do get what you mean about "thinspiration". To me I think Victoria Beckham has a great figure-and has the body I would love. I know she's underweight and is prob way to thin but I can't help it. I find myself looking at celebs-who are painfully thin and thinking they look great and looking at other slightly (and I mean slightly) bigger ones and thinking they look fat! I know it's seriously warped.
And the other really warped and scary thing-I look back to my anorexia days--and although I never ever want to go back there--I still think wow I had amazing willpower (yes I know, it wasn't willpower it was the illness) and why can't I do that now. And just cos we're putting it all out there---I look at what I eat now and the exercise I do and I don't lose the way I did-and it kills me. I suppose I really did mess up my metabolism.
My menu for the last few days has been a handful of berries early in the morning, then a half a bowl of oatmeal (as you said Gwn made with water). an apple in the afternoon and a bowl of peppers, tomatoes and cukes in the evening.
It's funny isn't it how we all came to QWL and Stillman with his warped sense of eating too!!!

[Getting there!!!]

Originally Posted by kamills

I'm down another pound today. Yipee! 7 lbs down on the 10 lb challenge. Off to buy running shoes now! Have a good day peeps. BBL

Yay!!! Now that is good news!!

[IM2fat]

Originally Posted by becky123abc

Today will be a test for me...
I'm off to my monthly get together with my mom and sister. They are both size 6's...or smaller...

Our tradition is to go to Amerigo...a wonderful Italian restaurant...we always get the Tarimasu for dessert.

I don't even want the Tarimasu...but it might be a bit awkward....

I'm going to eat 4 eggs before I go...and take a pack of tuna in case I get low energy...I'll order some kind of grilled chicken for lunch I guess.

I just don't want to dampen their fun...hopefully they won't care that I'm not eating. Hopefully any hidden carbs won't be too bad in the chicken.

I do have a feeling of sadness to know I won't be enjoying that food with them. But I'm really close to onderland...and I don't want to get set back.

I'll check in tonight. Hope everyone has a victorious day!

Best of luck to you Becky. .you sound like you have a plan and intend to stick to it. . Good For you. . . .It is disheartening to think that we put so much joy on "Food". .it is to be viewed as fuel for the body. . I hope you are able to enjoy the company!

[IM2fat]

OK.. . all you wonderful Stillmanites!

Let's do the Doc justice and get with the program.!!! We all need it for different reasons so lets have a rockin day and do something wonderful for ourselves today. . We deserve it!!!!

[Getting there!!!]

Originally Posted by kamills

Sorry if I sound like a preacher lady

No you don't. You talk a lot of sense. I'm so sorry you had depression.
I did have therapy when I was sick -well it was group therapy and I got nothing out of it. I told them what they wanted to hear so I could get outa there pretty quick!!! Maybe I should have tried harder!!! Things have prob changed dramatically in the last 10years tho!!!
Talking about it now tho--and spewing my deepest secrets--has def made me realise (what I prob knew already, really but didn't want to admit) that I need some sort of help, because these feelings can't continue. I feel such a failure even saying that-oh yeah it's ingrained in me you don't talk about your problems!!) It's like I can get every other part of my life in order, I'm a bright girl--so why can't I get this under control!! And peeps I like control!! Oh yeah-I'm a perfectionist, me!

[swebb]

The scale is down 1/2 pound today. That makes 3 pounds of the 10 pound challenge but 7 pounds total so far this month (I didn't count losing the 4 pounds I had gained at the end of May )

I start the Candida Cleanse today. I will post how it goes.

My quote for today (borrowed from a friends FB):

"The only ones who can embarrass us ...... is us!"

[Getting there!!!]

[quote=Mim;13617376]

Originally Posted by IM2fat

I could have written this! i have often thought of myself as a failed anorerixic/bulemic. Sad how I've used that even to beat myself up over my weight.

Being a "failed" anorexic or bulimic is good peeps. It is not something anyone would want to be.

[Getting there!!!]

Originally Posted by Mim

I am very surprised and thankful that I did not pass my disorder to my children. They both have normal relationships with food. I marvel at that!

That's really why I know I have to get a grip on this. It is not something I would ever want to pass on to my children.