Over-Eaters Confessional

katemajoie · 08-05-2009, 08:17 AM

Hello everyone! Today is the day I start fresh. I'm sure this is said many times on this site, but if I've ever meant it, I do today. I'm starting Stillman's. I've had success in the past with it, and for me to stick to it, it has to be something drastic. I can't Weight Watchers because it's not a far enough departure from my insanely bad behaviors. I will not eat fast food, junk food, and fatty foods. I will exercise. I won't allow myself to think poisonous thoughts about myself. I should be who I want to be, and the only thing holding me back is my own laziness.

I have some guilt for ridiculous food decisions I've made, and I'm going to get them off my chest. I'm mentally tired of being obsessed with food.

This week I made about 40 cake balls (for no reason in particular), and I'm pretty sure I ate half of them by myself.

We spent $400 in the last 3 weeks eating crappy fast food. There are only two of us.

Last night my husband and I smoked pot, and proceeded to eat an entire box of peanut butter crunch, and other crap from the pantry.

I only have 3 outfits that I feel comfortable in. One dress, and two pairs of elastic waist-band pants that I wear with giant t-shirts and worn out hoodies.

I skipped two weddings because I was afraid of being judged by my friends from high school.

I'm overly self-aware when having sex... which makes me not want to do it anymore... my poor husband.

I get seriously angry when people steal my french fries.

I just bought a gallon of blue bell 'groom's cake' ice cream, and thought about starting my diet after it was finished. Apparently, $4 of ice cream is more important than my health and well-being.

And, last thing. My life is on hold. I would like to try and have a baby sometime in the future. But, at this rate, I will have doomed myself to immediate gestational diabetes.

I just want to be a normal happy person.

changing · 08-05-2009, 10:35 AM

Kate,

Sharing our struggles can be so cathartic. I empathize with making ridiculous food decisions and the horrible guilt and remorse that follows. Stillman's can be a very effective way to get the weight off! I wish you well.

losingit_4realnow · 08-05-2009, 11:25 AM

I might be totally out of line for saying this.. I have 2 children. I was obese while pregnant with both of them and never developed gestational diabetes. I would have to say that smoking pot is a bit more bothersome while pregnant than being fat.

Anyway, lecture done.

Congrats on renewing your commitment. It's something we kinda have to do everyday otherwise it will just fade away without us noticing it.

katemajoie · 08-05-2009, 11:58 AM

Thanks for the replies. I do feel better having put out some secrets, so thanks for reading. And, I could have easily lied and said I didn't smoke pot, but it's weighing on me, and has been part of the weight gain issue. I'm not pregnant- if there was any confusion -but my ob-gyn told me that if I were to become pregnant, I would likely develop gestational diabetes. Everyone is different though- so just because I might be at risk, doesn't mean you are or were.

If you have any food guilt, and need to get it off your chest, you are welcome to share.

losingit_4realnow · 08-05-2009, 12:37 PM

I was just saying that is something that you should probably get under control first and foremost. I've never done any drugs but I am a recovering alcoholic going on about 15 months sober. 9 of those I was pregnant. 2 were before I got pregnant, and 4 since. So I understand the need to confess, but also wanted to let you know that it's not a guarantee. I weighed 270 lbs at 5'7" when I got pregnant with my youngest, so it was very likely. It's even more common in second pregnancies. I can also say that in the pregnancy forum I was a part of there were more "healthy weight" women with GD, than the overweight. Don't get too caught up in that stuff. My doctor was worried that I would have it.

Today I have no confessions because I've been pretty strict on my diet for several months now, but if you would have asked me a few months ago... *groan*

katemajoie · 08-06-2009, 09:57 AM

I am so happy for you! It is so huge to overcome addiction. I'm also really appreciative of your confidence to state your true opinion. (truly, I'm not being sarcastic at all.) I'm kind of the same way, and the internet makes it easy too- with anonymity and what not.

It really gives me a lot of hope that just because Dr. says this or that, it's not necessarily fact. I had a bit of a melt-down when she told me that, and I guess you could say it sparked the entire wanting to be healthier movement I've made for myself over the last week. We aren't planning on babies anytime in the near future- a good 3-5 years... A lot of that time is giving me enough time to lose weight, be healthy, and feel comfortable with myself, and have fun with my husband. But, I did get a little scare a few weeks ago, and made me start realizing that if something does happen, and I do get pregnant accidentally, I don't want to be the way I am now. Poor health- low energy... it doesn't sound like the ideal situation.

And, before we drop the subject, I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me. I am hardly a threat to society- or even addiction. Maybe, if i were, my life would be a little more exciting. I live in suburbia with my two dogs, and have smoked maybe a few times at home, alone. I don't drive/operate machinery, and I would never smoke while pregnant. I figure people have a right to do what they want (lawful or unlawful with accepted consequences) as long as it doesn't affect someone else and their rights. I guess it's just the Libertarian in me.

I hope I never came across *****y because I'm really not. Thanks for reading!

katemajoie · 08-06-2009, 09:59 AM

hmm. apparently you can't say the B-word. Noted.

Soccerchic · 10-25-2009, 04:37 AM

Hey Kate,
Just wanted to say hi and see how you are going, i can relate to every single point that you listed!!! esp spending too much on food, not wanting sex with partner due to insecurity, having 3 outifts only that i wear and avoiding weddings etc cause of running into old school or for me soccer friends
I am also a chubby blonde girl ha ha and can't wait to be the sporty blonde girl again.
At least we are not alone
Jen

08-05-2009, 08:17 AM	#1
katemajoie Junior LCF Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 27 Gallery: katemajoie WOE: Stillmans for a kick start then Atkins Start Date: August 5, 2009	Over-Eaters Confessional Hello everyone! Today is the day I start fresh. I'm sure this is said many times on this site, but if I've ever meant it, I do today. I'm starting Stillman's. I've had success in the past with it, and for me to stick to it, it has to be something drastic. I can't Weight Watchers because it's not a far enough departure from my insanely bad behaviors. I will not eat fast food, junk food, and fatty foods. I will exercise. I won't allow myself to think poisonous thoughts about myself. I should be who I want to be, and the only thing holding me back is my own laziness. I have some guilt for ridiculous food decisions I've made, and I'm going to get them off my chest. I'm mentally tired of being obsessed with food. This week I made about 40 cake balls (for no reason in particular), and I'm pretty sure I ate half of them by myself. We spent $400 in the last 3 weeks eating crappy fast food. There are only two of us. Last night my husband and I smoked pot, and proceeded to eat an entire box of peanut butter crunch, and other crap from the pantry. I only have 3 outfits that I feel comfortable in. One dress, and two pairs of elastic waist-band pants that I wear with giant t-shirts and worn out hoodies. I skipped two weddings because I was afraid of being judged by my friends from high school. I'm overly self-aware when having sex... which makes me not want to do it anymore... my poor husband. I get seriously angry when people steal my french fries. I just bought a gallon of blue bell 'groom's cake' ice cream, and thought about starting my diet after it was finished. Apparently, $4 of ice cream is more important than my health and well-being. And, last thing. My life is on hold. I would like to try and have a baby sometime in the future. But, at this rate, I will have doomed myself to immediate gestational diabetes. I just want to be a normal happy person. __________________ -that chubby blond girl.

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08-05-2009, 10:35 AM	#2
changing Senior LCF Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 78 Gallery: changing Stats: 127/110/113 WOE: Moderate Carbs Start Date: 7/2/9	Kate, Sharing our struggles can be so cathartic. I empathize with making ridiculous food decisions and the horrible guilt and remorse that follows. Stillman's can be a very effective way to get the weight off! I wish you well.

08-05-2009, 11:25 AM	#3
losingit_4realnow Junior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 3 Gallery: losingit_4realnow Stats: 314/246/150 WOE: Stillman's/Atkin's Start Date: July 2009	I might be totally out of line for saying this.. I have 2 children. I was obese while pregnant with both of them and never developed gestational diabetes. I would have to say that smoking pot is a bit more bothersome while pregnant than being fat. Anyway, lecture done. Congrats on renewing your commitment. It's something we kinda have to do everyday otherwise it will just fade away without us noticing it.

08-05-2009, 11:58 AM	#4
katemajoie Junior LCF Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 27 Gallery: katemajoie WOE: Stillmans for a kick start then Atkins Start Date: August 5, 2009	Thanks for the replies. I do feel better having put out some secrets, so thanks for reading. And, I could have easily lied and said I didn't smoke pot, but it's weighing on me, and has been part of the weight gain issue. I'm not pregnant- if there was any confusion -but my ob-gyn told me that if I were to become pregnant, I would likely develop gestational diabetes. Everyone is different though- so just because I might be at risk, doesn't mean you are or were. If you have any food guilt, and need to get it off your chest, you are welcome to share.

08-05-2009, 12:37 PM	#5
losingit_4realnow Junior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 3 Gallery: losingit_4realnow Stats: 314/246/150 WOE: Stillman's/Atkin's Start Date: July 2009	I was just saying that is something that you should probably get under control first and foremost. I've never done any drugs but I am a recovering alcoholic going on about 15 months sober. 9 of those I was pregnant. 2 were before I got pregnant, and 4 since. So I understand the need to confess, but also wanted to let you know that it's not a guarantee. I weighed 270 lbs at 5'7" when I got pregnant with my youngest, so it was very likely. It's even more common in second pregnancies. I can also say that in the pregnancy forum I was a part of there were more "healthy weight" women with GD, than the overweight. Don't get too caught up in that stuff. My doctor was worried that I would have it. Today I have no confessions because I've been pretty strict on my diet for several months now, but if you would have asked me a few months ago... groan

08-06-2009, 09:57 AM	#6
katemajoie Junior LCF Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 27 Gallery: katemajoie WOE: Stillmans for a kick start then Atkins Start Date: August 5, 2009	I am so happy for you! It is so huge to overcome addiction. I'm also really appreciative of your confidence to state your true opinion. (truly, I'm not being sarcastic at all.) I'm kind of the same way, and the internet makes it easy too- with anonymity and what not. It really gives me a lot of hope that just because Dr. says this or that, it's not necessarily fact. I had a bit of a melt-down when she told me that, and I guess you could say it sparked the entire wanting to be healthier movement I've made for myself over the last week. We aren't planning on babies anytime in the near future- a good 3-5 years... A lot of that time is giving me enough time to lose weight, be healthy, and feel comfortable with myself, and have fun with my husband. But, I did get a little scare a few weeks ago, and made me start realizing that if something does happen, and I do get pregnant accidentally, I don't want to be the way I am now. Poor health- low energy... it doesn't sound like the ideal situation. And, before we drop the subject, I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me. I am hardly a threat to society- or even addiction. Maybe, if i were, my life would be a little more exciting. I live in suburbia with my two dogs, and have smoked maybe a few times at home, alone. I don't drive/operate machinery, and I would never smoke while pregnant. I figure people have a right to do what they want (lawful or unlawful with accepted consequences) as long as it doesn't affect someone else and their rights. I guess it's just the Libertarian in me. I hope I never came across *****y because I'm really not. Thanks for reading!

08-06-2009, 09:59 AM	#7
katemajoie Junior LCF Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 27 Gallery: katemajoie WOE: Stillmans for a kick start then Atkins Start Date: August 5, 2009	hmm. apparently you can't say the B-word. Noted.

10-25-2009, 04:37 AM	#8
Soccerchic Guest Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Syd, Australia Posts: 78 Gallery: Soccerchic Stats: 195/187/125 WOE: Atkins Start Date: 16.12.09	Hey Kate, Just wanted to say hi and see how you are going, i can relate to every single point that you listed!!! esp spending too much on food, not wanting sex with partner due to insecurity, having 3 outifts only that i wear and avoiding weddings etc cause of running into old school or for me soccer friends I am also a chubby blonde girl ha ha and can't wait to be the sporty blonde girl again. At least we are not alone Jen