Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

zeraspride · 12-27-2005, 06:42 AM

Hi all!

Reg's latest post got to me thinking about my eating habits. I have been on a feeding frenzy since the beginning of November where I saw my lowest weight as an adult on this planet. It scared me and I wasn't sure why. It wasn't the usual fear of failure that I can feel. It was a different type of fear and I wasn't sure how to quantify it until just now. I am afraid of being successful! It hit me like a ton of bricks. I am afraid of the unknown element of reaching my goal. Being 90% of the way to goal is good, don't get me wrong, I do acknowlege how far I have come but I am not THERE yet. I think I have given myself permission to go back to some nasty old bad eating habits because I am actually afraid of the responsibility that being fully successful with this woe will bring.

So I have overdone it with the sugar free treats and some other things that I know I shouldn't have been eating. I convinced myself that I deserved a break. What the heck was I thinking? Taking a break only keeps me from reaching my goal but I guess subconsciously that was the whole point. I really didn't want to reach goal. Only by being totally honest with myself can I move forward. I have to stop being afraid of success. I have to stop feeling like some little orphan stuck outside in the cold looking in at the warm family scene inside a picturesque home wishing that was me. I do deserve to be happy, healthy and successful. I really really do. It's not something reserved for everyone else but me. I have to stop the subtle self sabotage and start thinking and acting like the thin and healthy person I know I can be!

There is nothing I can do about the indulgences of yesterday and there is no sense in worrying about the possibility of failure tomorrow. All I can really do is focus my energies on having "one perfect day" as Marva would say. That is what helped me to be cheat free for over 500 days when I first started this journey. It's not complicated and the answers are not somewhere "out there". The answers to why I sabotage myself are inside me. Perhaps the answers to why you sabotage yourself are in you as well. We can support and encourage each other (and we do such a good job at it) but ultimately we are each responsible for ourselves. No one can force feed us unhealthy foods or negative thoughts - those come from within.

Let's all focus on today. Then when tomorrow does come, it will be today and we'll focus on today again and again and again until we reach our goal and beyond. I am beginning to believe I am worth it and so are each of you!!!! Thanks for letting me share!

rose1 · 12-27-2005, 07:23 PM

Lisa, your posts are always so full of such positive, affirmative thoughts. I think you should collect them into a book! It would be a best seller.

zeraspride · 12-27-2005, 07:51 PM

Rose - you are too kind. I sort of think that you guys think, what is this crazy lady talking about now? I find that as I get closer and closer to goal the more open and honest I have to be about my true feelings. We weren't encouraged to be open and honest when I was growing up. I had parents who were more concerned with keeping up appearances than in what their kids were truly feeling so this is still new territory to me. Thanks again for thinking my words have value. I know they do to me but it's nice to know other people think so too!

justmarvi · 12-28-2005, 01:16 PM

What a great share Lisa. Thank you. You are so awesome and my shero!

12-27-2005, 06:42 AM	#1
zeraspride Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 3,075 Gallery: zeraspride Stats: Highest 282.5 CW: 227.8 GW: 160 WOE: South Beach Start Date: 12/01/03 - restart 11/01/08 (down 6.2!)	Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow Hi all! Reg's latest post got to me thinking about my eating habits. I have been on a feeding frenzy since the beginning of November where I saw my lowest weight as an adult on this planet. It scared me and I wasn't sure why. It wasn't the usual fear of failure that I can feel. It was a different type of fear and I wasn't sure how to quantify it until just now. I am afraid of being successful! It hit me like a ton of bricks. I am afraid of the unknown element of reaching my goal. Being 90% of the way to goal is good, don't get me wrong, I do acknowlege how far I have come but I am not THERE yet. I think I have given myself permission to go back to some nasty old bad eating habits because I am actually afraid of the responsibility that being fully successful with this woe will bring. So I have overdone it with the sugar free treats and some other things that I know I shouldn't have been eating. I convinced myself that I deserved a break. What the heck was I thinking? Taking a break only keeps me from reaching my goal but I guess subconsciously that was the whole point. I really didn't want to reach goal. Only by being totally honest with myself can I move forward. I have to stop being afraid of success. I have to stop feeling like some little orphan stuck outside in the cold looking in at the warm family scene inside a picturesque home wishing that was me. I do deserve to be happy, healthy and successful. I really really do. It's not something reserved for everyone else but me. I have to stop the subtle self sabotage and start thinking and acting like the thin and healthy person I know I can be! There is nothing I can do about the indulgences of yesterday and there is no sense in worrying about the possibility of failure tomorrow. All I can really do is focus my energies on having "one perfect day" as Marva would say. That is what helped me to be cheat free for over 500 days when I first started this journey. It's not complicated and the answers are not somewhere "out there". The answers to why I sabotage myself are inside me. Perhaps the answers to why you sabotage yourself are in you as well. We can support and encourage each other (and we do such a good job at it) but ultimately we are each responsible for ourselves. No one can force feed us unhealthy foods or negative thoughts - those come from within. Let's all focus on today. Then when tomorrow does come, it will be today and we'll focus on today again and again and again until we reach our goal and beyond. I am beginning to believe I am worth it and so are each of you!!!! Thanks for letting me share! __________________ Lisa My story: Lost 109 pounds on SBD (2003); gained 60pounds back - restarted SBD 11/1/08 Minigoals: 207 199 174 GOAL: 160 What about now? What about today? What if you're making me all that I was meant to be? . . . Baby, before it's too late; What about now? Daughtry

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12-27-2005, 07:23 PM	#2
rose1 Way too much time on my hands! Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Tennessee Posts: 10,784 Gallery: rose1 WOE: Vegetarian version of SB Start Date: June, 2005	Lisa, your posts are always so full of such positive, affirmative thoughts. I think you should collect them into a book! It would be a best seller.

12-27-2005, 07:51 PM	#3
zeraspride Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 3,075 Gallery: zeraspride Stats: Highest 282.5 CW: 227.8 GW: 160 WOE: South Beach Start Date: 12/01/03 - restart 11/01/08 (down 6.2!)	Rose - you are too kind. I sort of think that you guys think, what is this crazy lady talking about now? I find that as I get closer and closer to goal the more open and honest I have to be about my true feelings. We weren't encouraged to be open and honest when I was growing up. I had parents who were more concerned with keeping up appearances than in what their kids were truly feeling so this is still new territory to me. Thanks again for thinking my words have value. I know they do to me but it's nice to know other people think so too!

12-28-2005, 01:16 PM	#4
justmarvi Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 3,218 Gallery: justmarvi	What a great share Lisa. Thank you. You are so awesome and my shero!