Rambling Thoughts of the Day (12/01/05)

zeraspride · 12-01-2005, 07:05 AM

Hi guys!

I find that I do so much better with program if I explore my feelings along with watching what I put in my mouth so since I've been struggling so much the past month, I thought I'd do some musing on why I find myself here - 7 pounds up from my lowest weight.

I started the month of November very strong and when the scale read 172, I thought I was in heaven! I was so close to the 160's and my goal was in sight. Did I get a little scared? Yes, you could say that. But I think I also got a bit complacent and cocky too. On the one hand I have been on this program for 2 years as of today (yay me!) and I think I fell into a bit of a rut. Eating the same foods and doing the same exercises and not seeing very much in the way of results. I also did some calculations and realized that I have "only" lost 14 pounds in the past year. Yes, that's right, just 14 measley pounds. I had a nasty 5 month stall that I broke when I switched over to Body for Life for Women and now I've gained those 6 pounds back plus one more - sigh. The question is of course WHY? WHY in the world would I allow sloppy eating and slacking off on my exercise routine to cause me to be in this place?

Therein lies reason number 2 - the cocky attitude. I didn't think I needed support anymore. I have (like we all do) a very busy life with lots going on and I don't always have time to post and plan my meals like I used to. I started eating at one fast food place occasionally. Then it became a little more frequent. No, I didn't eat burger buns but I did start eating french fries again. At first with no gain but then bam, I found I was eating fries more and more and working out a little less and then I started feeling sorry for myself. Why can't I eat this stuff? Other people do and they don't gain weight! It's not fair!!!

I have come to realize that just like so many other things in life, it isn't fair but it is my reality. I have a 7 year old neice who was recently diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. The poor dear has to take injections 4 times a day and really watch what she eats. So while other kiddos her age can scarf down candy, cookies and pizza without a second thought, she can't. She has a very strict diet that she cannot deviate from - it's literally a life and death issue for her. My situation is certainly not as dire. I won't go into a diabetic coma if I eat somethings off plan but I am living proof that I cannot eat like "normal" people. Period. I was in denial about it for a while but I think I am finally getting my mind around the fact that I am just different. Food and I have this love/hate relationship and I have to find a way to still enjoy foods in controlled and limited quantities but I can't eat whatever I want whenever I want in whatever quantities I want without consequences. Maybe you find yourself in the same situation.

It doesn't mean we are doomed to a life of deprivation. I managed to go over 500 days cheat free at one point. I am the one that changed my mind set somewhere along the way. I have to change it back to where I was when I first started. I have to remember to take things one day at a time the way I used to. When I had over 100 pounds to lose, it was too depressing to think about how long it would take me to do it so I just concentrated on one day and sometimes one meal or one hour at a time. With only 15 or 20 pounds to go, the principle is still the same.

This is what I love so much about the Body for Life for Women program - it helps you deal with the emotional as well as the physical aspects of losing weight. I think without dealing with the emotional issues I have with food, I will find this 7 pound gain will grow and grow until eventually I have gained all the weight back and maybe even end up weighing more than before I started. Everyone may not have emotional issues with food, but I do and I have to deal with them. So please pardon my ramblings here. These are thoughts I really needed to get off my chest with people that I know will understand.

I am struggling now. I realize that to a certain extent I will always struggle with my weight, food and eating habits. I will not give up though. As long as I get back up after each stumble, I can and will win. You will only lose if you stumble and stay down. I won't do that. I can't do that.

Thanks for listening. I wish each and everyone here the best in mental and physical health that life has to offer! I am going to do my best to be here to offer the support and encouragement I have received over the past 2 years!

justmarvi · 12-01-2005, 10:57 AM

Thanks for sharing Lisa and I'm so glad you're here for support with us.

I've read some articles that most who maintain their weight losses are actively involved in group support. I think this forum and lowcarbfriends are the best support we can get. Just showing up and posting helps us stay accountable.

Thanks everyone!

Shalbrihil · 12-01-2005, 11:51 AM

Hay Lisa! Don't get so down and out. We've all been where you are and for me many many times!

We 3 are fighters and will reach our set goals just because of all the times we have done this to ourselves. We know this way of eating works and with a little portion control you will be right back on track. Keep focused one day at a time and you will have the added off and more. I'm glad to see you back with us.

zeraspride · 12-01-2005, 01:01 PM

Thanks so much Marva and Sharon! You 2 are two of my special heros on this board. I know you have walked this walk with me. I hate to admit that I get weak and stumble. It's a humbling experience to come here and say you need help. Pride could have kept me away but I don't want to stay away from the only real source of support and strength I have. Hiding from you guys would be like continuing to deny that I have put back on a few pounds. But in the big scheme of things, I've lost over 100 pounds and kept it off for a year. That is a big accomplishment and I should feel proud while at the same time I'm frustrated and a little disappointed with myself that I have turned out to be "human" like everybody else.

The support on this board is priceless and I'm so glad we are all here doing this together. I'm not straying again! I can't do this alone and even when I get to goal, I'll still be here because I have a feeling maintaining is going to be the hardest part of this whole weight loss journey!

anj · 12-01-2005, 07:27 PM

zeraspride - I know it can be frustrating when you fall off for awhile, it's happen to me plenty of times. However, remember how far you've come. You are an inspiration.

I'm glad your back because the exercise thread just didn't work without you!

hostamomma · 12-02-2005, 05:37 AM

Lisa, I'm fairly new here, and want to say that your ramblings today are motivational for me. I am at 200. Have been for a couple of weeks. I have not been in wonderland for at least 10 years. I am struggling, and know its emotional. Thank you for posting this. Hang in there! You sound very determined, and you will get there! Its great that you can talk about it, and talk thru it.

12-01-2005, 07:05 AM	#1
zeraspride Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 3,075 Gallery: zeraspride Stats: Highest 282.5 CW: 227.8 GW: 160 WOE: South Beach Start Date: 12/01/03 - restart 11/01/08 (down 6.2!)	Rambling Thoughts of the Day (12/01/05) Hi guys! I find that I do so much better with program if I explore my feelings along with watching what I put in my mouth so since I've been struggling so much the past month, I thought I'd do some musing on why I find myself here - 7 pounds up from my lowest weight. I started the month of November very strong and when the scale read 172, I thought I was in heaven! I was so close to the 160's and my goal was in sight. Did I get a little scared? Yes, you could say that. But I think I also got a bit complacent and cocky too. On the one hand I have been on this program for 2 years as of today (yay me!) and I think I fell into a bit of a rut. Eating the same foods and doing the same exercises and not seeing very much in the way of results. I also did some calculations and realized that I have "only" lost 14 pounds in the past year. Yes, that's right, just 14 measley pounds. I had a nasty 5 month stall that I broke when I switched over to Body for Life for Women and now I've gained those 6 pounds back plus one more - sigh. The question is of course WHY? WHY in the world would I allow sloppy eating and slacking off on my exercise routine to cause me to be in this place? Therein lies reason number 2 - the cocky attitude. I didn't think I needed support anymore. I have (like we all do) a very busy life with lots going on and I don't always have time to post and plan my meals like I used to. I started eating at one fast food place occasionally. Then it became a little more frequent. No, I didn't eat burger buns but I did start eating french fries again. At first with no gain but then bam, I found I was eating fries more and more and working out a little less and then I started feeling sorry for myself. Why can't I eat this stuff? Other people do and they don't gain weight! It's not fair!!! I have come to realize that just like so many other things in life, it isn't fair but it is my reality. I have a 7 year old neice who was recently diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. The poor dear has to take injections 4 times a day and really watch what she eats. So while other kiddos her age can scarf down candy, cookies and pizza without a second thought, she can't. She has a very strict diet that she cannot deviate from - it's literally a life and death issue for her. My situation is certainly not as dire. I won't go into a diabetic coma if I eat somethings off plan but I am living proof that I cannot eat like "normal" people. Period. I was in denial about it for a while but I think I am finally getting my mind around the fact that I am just different. Food and I have this love/hate relationship and I have to find a way to still enjoy foods in controlled and limited quantities but I can't eat whatever I want whenever I want in whatever quantities I want without consequences. Maybe you find yourself in the same situation. It doesn't mean we are doomed to a life of deprivation. I managed to go over 500 days cheat free at one point. I am the one that changed my mind set somewhere along the way. I have to change it back to where I was when I first started. I have to remember to take things one day at a time the way I used to. When I had over 100 pounds to lose, it was too depressing to think about how long it would take me to do it so I just concentrated on one day and sometimes one meal or one hour at a time. With only 15 or 20 pounds to go, the principle is still the same. This is what I love so much about the Body for Life for Women program - it helps you deal with the emotional as well as the physical aspects of losing weight. I think without dealing with the emotional issues I have with food, I will find this 7 pound gain will grow and grow until eventually I have gained all the weight back and maybe even end up weighing more than before I started. Everyone may not have emotional issues with food, but I do and I have to deal with them. So please pardon my ramblings here. These are thoughts I really needed to get off my chest with people that I know will understand. I am struggling now. I realize that to a certain extent I will always struggle with my weight, food and eating habits. I will not give up though. As long as I get back up after each stumble, I can and will win. You will only lose if you stumble and stay down. I won't do that. I can't do that. Thanks for listening. I wish each and everyone here the best in mental and physical health that life has to offer! I am going to do my best to be here to offer the support and encouragement I have received over the past 2 years! __________________ Lisa My story: Lost 109 pounds on SBD (2003); gained 60pounds back - restarted SBD 11/1/08 Minigoals: 207 199 174 GOAL: 160 What about now? What about today? What if you're making me all that I was meant to be? . . . Baby, before it's too late; What about now? Daughtry Last edited by zeraspride : 12-01-2005 at 07:09 AM.

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12-01-2005, 10:57 AM	#2
justmarvi Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 3,218 Gallery: justmarvi	Thanks for sharing Lisa and I'm so glad you're here for support with us. I've read some articles that most who maintain their weight losses are actively involved in group support. I think this forum and lowcarbfriends are the best support we can get. Just showing up and posting helps us stay accountable. Thanks everyone!

12-01-2005, 11:51 AM	#3
Shalbrihil MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: California Posts: 1,870 Gallery: Shalbrihil Stats: maintaining my loss since 2005 WOE: SBD Phase 3 Start Date: June 2003	Hay Lisa! Don't get so down and out. We've all been where you are and for me many many times! We 3 are fighters and will reach our set goals just because of all the times we have done this to ourselves. We know this way of eating works and with a little portion control you will be right back on track. Keep focused one day at a time and you will have the added off and more. I'm glad to see you back with us.

12-01-2005, 01:01 PM	#4
zeraspride Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 3,075 Gallery: zeraspride Stats: Highest 282.5 CW: 227.8 GW: 160 WOE: South Beach Start Date: 12/01/03 - restart 11/01/08 (down 6.2!)	Thanks so much Marva and Sharon! You 2 are two of my special heros on this board. I know you have walked this walk with me. I hate to admit that I get weak and stumble. It's a humbling experience to come here and say you need help. Pride could have kept me away but I don't want to stay away from the only real source of support and strength I have. Hiding from you guys would be like continuing to deny that I have put back on a few pounds. But in the big scheme of things, I've lost over 100 pounds and kept it off for a year. That is a big accomplishment and I should feel proud while at the same time I'm frustrated and a little disappointed with myself that I have turned out to be "human" like everybody else. The support on this board is priceless and I'm so glad we are all here doing this together. I'm not straying again! I can't do this alone and even when I get to goal, I'll still be here because I have a feeling maintaining is going to be the hardest part of this whole weight loss journey!

12-01-2005, 07:27 PM	#5
anj Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Seattle, WA Posts: 731 Gallery: anj Start Date: 1/12/04	zeraspride - I know it can be frustrating when you fall off for awhile, it's happen to me plenty of times. However, remember how far you've come. You are an inspiration. I'm glad your back because the exercise thread just didn't work without you!

12-02-2005, 05:37 AM	#6
hostamomma Blabbermouth!!! Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Ohio Posts: 5,685 Gallery: hostamomma Stats: way too much/-30.2/just right! WOE: Switching to WW Start Date: 9/11/07	Lisa, I'm fairly new here, and want to say that your ramblings today are motivational for me. I am at 200. Have been for a couple of weeks. I have not been in wonderland for at least 10 years. I am struggling, and know its emotional. Thank you for posting this. Hang in there! You sound very determined, and you will get there! Its great that you can talk about it, and talk thru it.