10 Tips For Surviving the Feast With Your Family

justmarvi · 11-20-2005, 10:18 PM

Concentrating on all the aspects of your life that you are grateful for will keep your mind focussed on the positive. Eating big holiday meals with the family is never a piece of cake (though it often includes at least one of those). Here are some tips to get through the meal without succumbing to tears or overeating as a coping mechanism.

Pre-plan the meal. Conflict can lead to overeating. If you dine with people or relatives that you tend to fight with, you are more likely to overeat. Unfortunately, we don't always get to pick who we sit next to at holiday meals. So, to come out a winner no matter what the seating chart is, pre-plan the meal in your head. Take precautionary measures! Cocktail-time is often a prelude to a family feud. Make sure you have raw vegetables and other healthy alternatives to the greasy hors d'oeuvres served during cocktail hour. Don't go to the meal feeling ravenous. Write down how you're feeling a few days before the gathering. Anticipate scenarios that could weaken your resolve to both eat and behave healthily, then decide in advance how you will successfully handle these "danger" moments. Discuss your plan with a buddy. Envision yourself in control and proud of it.

Indulge where it doesn't count. Feeling deprived can lead to explosive bouts of overeating, followed by guilt and plummeting self-esteem. Who needs that? Don't let yourself feel deprived in the first place. Bring plenty of tasty low or non-caloric treats and eat as much of them as you like. Indulge without the bulge!

Be relaxed. Stress and anxiety can lead to over-eating. When you arrive at the gathering, be serene. Before the meal, do your favorite stress busting activity: exercise, take a bubble bath, read a trash novel, take a stroll, meditate, sing -- whatever makes you feel calm and contented.

Celebrate you. If you find that your self-esteem suffers around your family or your partner's family, make sure to go in armed with the knowledge of all the wonderful qualities that you possess. Are you strong? Thoughtful? Creative? Whimsical? Friendly? Determined? Caring? Funny? Celebrate you! Write down the qualities you like most about yourself and bring the list with you to the meal. If you start to feel insecure, excuse yourself and take a quick peek. It will be hard to feel low about someone so great!

Be Thankful. Concentrating on all the aspects of your life that you are grateful for will keep your mind focussed on the positive. Feeling positive feels good.

Pre-plan your family interactions. You know which cousins pick on you incessantly. Avoid them. Be polite, but do not engage in conversation with them. They will eventually tire of your lack of reaction and look for easier prey elsewhere. Meanwhile, you will emerge with your self-control intact and your self-esteem soaring.

No means no. Remember, you are entitled to say no. It is your right to decline an additional serving, it is your right to leave food on your plate, and it is your right to excuse yourself from the table when you wish. You are entitled to enjoy your holiday without chaos, fighting, overeating, anxiety, or stress. If your inner voice tells you to say "no" - trust it. Say it, and stick to it.

Practice self-assertion. If you have a hard time saying "no", practice self-assertion in the weeks and days leading up to the holiday meal. Assertion is not aggression. Assertion is not demanding, taking, bullying, cajoling, whining, complaining or stepping on others. Assertion is merely asking for what you want and need in a calm--but firm--manner. Look for opportunities to practice self-assertion in your daily activities.

Control only what you can -- yourself. While you can't control how someone else behaves, you CAN control how you react. A holiday meal is certainly not the time to try and change the behavior of your relatives, spouse, children, in-laws, or anyone else. They are who they are -- warts and all. Trying to alter someone else's behavior will likely result in your losing control of your own. As control slips away, you'll feel overwhelmed and you'll want to overeat. Stay in control. You need only be responsible for your OWN actions.

Follow a role model. Visualize someone that you admire. Think about how your role model handles holidays, family stress, anxiety, depression, and overeating. Handle holiday meal problems the way you imagine that your role model would.

Shalbrihil · 11-21-2005, 09:42 AM

Thank you for posting this today Marva. I needed to get that strenghth for what will be happening today. Being invited to an early Thanksgiving meal where my dad is living will be a real challenge as they are from a different background and they will be serving ethnic foods. I will really have to be careful in my choices as I don't want to offend but don't want to eat something that I don't recognize either.

I'm printing this off and will be reading it often this evening. Laughing!!!

RockyMountainHigh · 11-21-2005, 02:24 PM

Thanks, Marva! Although luckily we aren't dealing with relatives, it still might be stressful because we're going to have a household full of people (that I've only known a few months). This will come in handy. Thanks!

justmarvi · 11-21-2005, 09:29 PM

This is what I'm trying right now.....

Follow a role model. Visualize someone that you admire. Think about how your role model handles holidays, family stress, anxiety, depression, and overeating. Handle holiday meal problems the way you imagine that your role model would.

Shalbrihil · 11-22-2005, 09:23 AM

I have to report that my pre-thanksgiving dinner was a success. I made myself have a usual SB friendly day and had foods that I recognized as being SB friendly there. Guess what?! The scale showed a loss this morning. Yippeee! What a fantastic reward and just one more way that this is a doable program for all holidays! Hugs to you all. Once again thank you Marva for your post.

justmarvi · 11-22-2005, 09:32 AM

Woohoo Sharon! That is totally awesome!

I'm focusing on your success today to make me stronger! Also, I am delegating an official taster, and it isn't going to be me.

Shalbrihil · 11-22-2005, 12:50 PM

Right On!!!

11-20-2005, 10:18 PM	#1
justmarvi Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 3,218 Gallery: justmarvi	10 Tips For Surviving the Feast With Your Family Concentrating on all the aspects of your life that you are grateful for will keep your mind focussed on the positive. Eating big holiday meals with the family is never a piece of cake (though it often includes at least one of those). Here are some tips to get through the meal without succumbing to tears or overeating as a coping mechanism. Pre-plan the meal. Conflict can lead to overeating. If you dine with people or relatives that you tend to fight with, you are more likely to overeat. Unfortunately, we don't always get to pick who we sit next to at holiday meals. So, to come out a winner no matter what the seating chart is, pre-plan the meal in your head. Take precautionary measures! Cocktail-time is often a prelude to a family feud. Make sure you have raw vegetables and other healthy alternatives to the greasy hors d'oeuvres served during cocktail hour. Don't go to the meal feeling ravenous. Write down how you're feeling a few days before the gathering. Anticipate scenarios that could weaken your resolve to both eat and behave healthily, then decide in advance how you will successfully handle these "danger" moments. Discuss your plan with a buddy. Envision yourself in control and proud of it. Indulge where it doesn't count. Feeling deprived can lead to explosive bouts of overeating, followed by guilt and plummeting self-esteem. Who needs that? Don't let yourself feel deprived in the first place. Bring plenty of tasty low or non-caloric treats and eat as much of them as you like. Indulge without the bulge! Be relaxed. Stress and anxiety can lead to over-eating. When you arrive at the gathering, be serene. Before the meal, do your favorite stress busting activity: exercise, take a bubble bath, read a trash novel, take a stroll, meditate, sing -- whatever makes you feel calm and contented. Celebrate you. If you find that your self-esteem suffers around your family or your partner's family, make sure to go in armed with the knowledge of all the wonderful qualities that you possess. Are you strong? Thoughtful? Creative? Whimsical? Friendly? Determined? Caring? Funny? Celebrate you! Write down the qualities you like most about yourself and bring the list with you to the meal. If you start to feel insecure, excuse yourself and take a quick peek. It will be hard to feel low about someone so great! Be Thankful. Concentrating on all the aspects of your life that you are grateful for will keep your mind focussed on the positive. Feeling positive feels good. Pre-plan your family interactions. You know which cousins pick on you incessantly. Avoid them. Be polite, but do not engage in conversation with them. They will eventually tire of your lack of reaction and look for easier prey elsewhere. Meanwhile, you will emerge with your self-control intact and your self-esteem soaring. No means no. Remember, you are entitled to say no. It is your right to decline an additional serving, it is your right to leave food on your plate, and it is your right to excuse yourself from the table when you wish. You are entitled to enjoy your holiday without chaos, fighting, overeating, anxiety, or stress. If your inner voice tells you to say "no" - trust it. Say it, and stick to it. Practice self-assertion. If you have a hard time saying "no", practice self-assertion in the weeks and days leading up to the holiday meal. Assertion is not aggression. Assertion is not demanding, taking, bullying, cajoling, whining, complaining or stepping on others. Assertion is merely asking for what you want and need in a calm--but firm--manner. Look for opportunities to practice self-assertion in your daily activities. Control only what you can -- yourself. While you can't control how someone else behaves, you CAN control how you react. A holiday meal is certainly not the time to try and change the behavior of your relatives, spouse, children, in-laws, or anyone else. They are who they are -- warts and all. Trying to alter someone else's behavior will likely result in your losing control of your own. As control slips away, you'll feel overwhelmed and you'll want to overeat. Stay in control. You need only be responsible for your OWN actions. Follow a role model. Visualize someone that you admire. Think about how your role model handles holidays, family stress, anxiety, depression, and overeating. Handle holiday meal problems the way you imagine that your role model would.

11-21-2005, 09:42 AM	#2
Shalbrihil MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: California Posts: 1,870 Gallery: Shalbrihil Stats: maintaining my loss since 2005 WOE: SBD Phase 3 Start Date: June 2003	Thank you for posting this today Marva. I needed to get that strenghth for what will be happening today. Being invited to an early Thanksgiving meal where my dad is living will be a real challenge as they are from a different background and they will be serving ethnic foods. I will really have to be careful in my choices as I don't want to offend but don't want to eat something that I don't recognize either. I'm printing this off and will be reading it often this evening. Laughing!!! Last edited by Shalbrihil : 11-21-2005 at 09:43 AM.

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11-21-2005, 02:24 PM	#3
RockyMountainHigh Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Western Slope, CO Posts: 248 Gallery: RockyMountainHigh WOE: LapBand & common sense Start Date: November 15, 2007	Thanks, Marva! Although luckily we aren't dealing with relatives, it still might be stressful because we're going to have a household full of people (that I've only known a few months). This will come in handy. Thanks!

11-21-2005, 09:29 PM	#4
justmarvi Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 3,218 Gallery: justmarvi	This is what I'm trying right now..... Follow a role model. Visualize someone that you admire. Think about how your role model handles holidays, family stress, anxiety, depression, and overeating. Handle holiday meal problems the way you imagine that your role model would.

11-22-2005, 09:23 AM	#5
Shalbrihil MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: California Posts: 1,870 Gallery: Shalbrihil Stats: maintaining my loss since 2005 WOE: SBD Phase 3 Start Date: June 2003	I have to report that my pre-thanksgiving dinner was a success. I made myself have a usual SB friendly day and had foods that I recognized as being SB friendly there. Guess what?! The scale showed a loss this morning. Yippeee! What a fantastic reward and just one more way that this is a doable program for all holidays! Hugs to you all. Once again thank you Marva for your post.

11-22-2005, 09:32 AM	#6
justmarvi Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 3,218 Gallery: justmarvi	Woohoo Sharon! That is totally awesome! I'm focusing on your success today to make me stronger! Also, I am delegating an official taster, and it isn't going to be me.

11-22-2005, 12:50 PM	#7
Shalbrihil MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: California Posts: 1,870 Gallery: Shalbrihil Stats: maintaining my loss since 2005 WOE: SBD Phase 3 Start Date: June 2003	Right On!!!