"you're too skinny" comments.........

armypiglet · 06-15-2005, 01:49 PM

LISA - girl i read your post in the daily thread and it hit a big chord with me - that same thing happened to me and it really hurt my feelings when people told me that. i did atkins to lose my baby weight and went from 163 to 129. i am 5"5' tall and a medium, heavy top (big shoulders/big boobs) frame. i felt so great, loved pictures i took and loved getting new clothes to fit my new body! then people started telling me i was too skinny and i wondered what the heck, there are tons of women out there that weigh less than me and don't look too skinny... so what did they mean by it? then i got self conscious. then i gained 5 lbs. and the comments stopped so i felt ok again. but by that time i had been eating off plan too much and kept going and going and going until i went up to 148. that's where i began here! im now 140 and working my way painfully and slowly down (painfully as in read my other post

) i am going back on that downward spiral. now i think they were just shocked at my new appearance, everyone was so used to my pudgy little self, the new me was odd looking to them at first. but i wish i would have just held my head high and kept on going, i would have saved myself a world of trouble! i now see that i care WAY too much about how other people see me. i was only ok when other people were ok with my appearance. that is NOT ok! if YOU decide in your heart that YOU see things right, and YOU know that you are taking the best care of yourself as humanly possible, do NOT let other dictate how you take care of yourself. they aren't the ones that have to deal with you or have to take care of you. you are! and you're doing GREAT at making yourself happy and healthy and confident, don't let them ruin it, i've been there and i did let everyone else ruin it for me!

you are doing GREAT!!!!

KajunDC · 06-15-2005, 02:12 PM

People only say "you are too skinny" because they are not used to seeing you smaller and see the loose skin. People told me when I was 20-30 lbs heavier than I am now that I was "too skinny" but now that my skin has tightened I never hear it anymore.

It can also come from how quickly we can lose weight with this way of life... makes people think we have been sick instead of getting well.

And you should never put the opinions of others ahead of your own opinions of yourself. Trying to please everyone else will only make you miserable.

zeraspride · 06-15-2005, 02:19 PM

armyp - thank you so much for your valuable words of wisdom. I just can't believe two people at the same time were telling me how skinny I am getting this afternoon. I know that losing 100 pounds makes me look completely different but one of the ladies was running it down for me talking about thin my neck and shoulders are becoming and how she can tell from just a few short months ago and that I could be slipping into dangerous territory if I don't stop now. Then earlier in the day an attorney friend of mine echoed the same words and said the very same things. Now if one or two people say that, it could be there opinion, right? But when groups of people start to say it, it makes me wonder. Then I remember that I'm 175 pounds and wearing a size 10 not 98 pounds and wearing a zero. I know the new me is taking some getting used to for everyone but if there is truth to their comments I want to know for sure. That's why I'm going to do some picture taking this weekend. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Kajun - thank you for sharing your experience with me. I do have a lot of hanging skin around my arms and some on my thighs (which people can't see, thankfully). Maybe that has something to do with it. I have also noticed that I am way smaller on top (my chest went from 54 inches to 37.5 inches) than I am on bottom. I think I look a bit disproportioned right now. This happened a few months ago and then my body sort of shifted and I looked fine. I think the same thing will happen again plus I'm really working on my arm flab and hips, thighs and abs so I'm hoping it all comes together.

You guys are such a strong source of support and I appreciate it so very much!

amygirl_011 · 06-15-2005, 02:26 PM

Oh my gosh, I can so relate! I read this post, and I feel exactly the same way with both of you. For an example, I went to my brothers baseball game and someone who hasnt seen me since I lost my weight asked "if I wanted a piece of candy." I said no nicely, but he still continued to ask me. When I said no the final time, he turned to my dad and said, "get her to eat something, she is too skinny!" I was so angry.
My brother keeps on saying "you better not have an eating disorder." He knows I don't, but he is worried that I am so skinny. Honestly, I am NOT that skinny! I am a size 5 pants. I know people that are a lot smaller than me...

just4peas · 06-15-2005, 02:31 PM

I get that all the time too. The majority of the people that know me now, never saw me thin before. So they have no basis for comparison. I am 5'6" medium build. I do understand that the body I have now has more muscle than the 127 body I had waaaaay back when, so that is part of it. But I am not even near the bottom of my healthy weight bracket. I am right in the middle. I need to work on my waist line, by lowering my fat intake and exercise. I think that and my skin tightening up will make all the difference. I have a 29 inch waist now. I'd be thrilled with 27. My butt needs serious work, mostly in the skin department though.

Now if someone makes that comment, I say really? Well how much do you weigh?

When they spend as much time as I do planning their food, exercise and overall health plan, then their opinion might hold more value with me.

bluevelvet · 06-15-2005, 06:39 PM

I know what you mean.

I have an "honorary aunt", long time family friend older than my parents, who basically all of my life has said that I was too skinny and that she wants to fatten me up. When she stopped saying that, then I knew I had a problem. From her, the comment is more of a compliment than an annoyance.

Last Thanksgiving when I had lost a chunk of weight but still wasn't skinny, my ex's mother got on my case about my weight (and cutting my hair). I've since learned that she's a little controling and off balance.

I have some friends who ask me why I am dieting. On the other hand, I also get the "she's too fat" looks. Know what I mean?

armypiglet · 06-16-2005, 07:29 AM

i totally know what you mean blue velvet - i get people who bug me about why i watch what i eat when im so small - when i am really not! and even if i were very small why wouldn't i watch what i eat to be healthy and not just be thin? like i said in the first post, i am 5 foot 5 and am 140 lbs. i wear a size 10-12, and have big boobs and big shoulders, and i have some muscle to hold my jellyness in but really need to lose the abdominal fat for my own health. i have no waistline, i have a 32 waist. so when people want to know why i watch what i eat my reply now is simply "i'd rather be and stay healthy"

i won't let those comments throw me off again. those comments are insensitive and really expose the other persons insecurities, don't you guys think?

~jackie~

** swimming much better today! **

zeraspride · 06-16-2005, 08:51 AM

I'm so glad you guys understand exactly where I am coming from! How true are all of your comments. I know I have to figure out when I'll be happy in my own skin. My problem is that I don't have a point of reference. I can't say, when I was 20 and was a size 6, I was so happy. I want to get back to that weight and size. I have always been out and out fat. Never anything in between so when people tell a former fattie that you are getting too skinny, it throws you a bit.

Like bluevelvet said too, I get the she is still fat looks from people. The contradictions can be maddening. I was asking hubby last night what he thought. He says I'm fine, but he always thought I looked fine so he's no real help. He did say to forget what other people are saying and I'm trying to do that. Honestly I could care less if I lost these last 10-15 pounds. Really, I don't care! I'm ready for maintenance anyway, what I do care about is getting toned. I think that's what I'll say from now on if someone asks me am I still losing weight (I don't have the nerve to ask them what they weigh, which I did though!) I am going to say that I am focusing on eating healthy and toning up and leave it at that. I just know that even if I lost 25 pounds, I'd still have this hanging skin so that's my focus from now on.

Again, thanks so much to each of you for sharing your experiences. I'm not letting anyone dictate how I am going to look. I am the only one that did this damage to my body and the only one that can undo the damage!

06-15-2005, 01:49 PM	#1
armypiglet Senior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: SE Pennsylvania Posts: 98 Gallery: armypiglet Stats: Atkins switcheroo to SB / WW WOE: South Beach (little WW) Start Date: 2/5/05	"you're too skinny" comments......... LISA - girl i read your post in the daily thread and it hit a big chord with me - that same thing happened to me and it really hurt my feelings when people told me that. i did atkins to lose my baby weight and went from 163 to 129. i am 5"5' tall and a medium, heavy top (big shoulders/big boobs) frame. i felt so great, loved pictures i took and loved getting new clothes to fit my new body! then people started telling me i was too skinny and i wondered what the heck, there are tons of women out there that weigh less than me and don't look too skinny... so what did they mean by it? then i got self conscious. then i gained 5 lbs. and the comments stopped so i felt ok again. but by that time i had been eating off plan too much and kept going and going and going until i went up to 148. that's where i began here! im now 140 and working my way painfully and slowly down (painfully as in read my other post ) i am going back on that downward spiral. now i think they were just shocked at my new appearance, everyone was so used to my pudgy little self, the new me was odd looking to them at first. but i wish i would have just held my head high and kept on going, i would have saved myself a world of trouble! i now see that i care WAY too much about how other people see me. i was only ok when other people were ok with my appearance. that is NOT ok! if YOU decide in your heart that YOU see things right, and YOU know that you are taking the best care of yourself as humanly possible, do NOT let other dictate how you take care of yourself. they aren't the ones that have to deal with you or have to take care of you. you are! and you're doing GREAT at making yourself happy and healthy and confident, don't let them ruin it, i've been there and i did let everyone else ruin it for me! you are doing GREAT!!!! __________________ "I AM MY OWN HERO!"

06-15-2005, 02:12 PM	#2
KajunDC Natural Healthcare Chiropractor Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Mandeville, LA (Just North of New Orleans) Posts: 2,411 Gallery: KajunDC Stats: Lost 115lbs in 7 months Body Fat-40+%/11%/9% WOE: Organic, Fresh and Non-Processed Start Date: Low Carb-Mar04, BFFM-Jul05	People only say "you are too skinny" because they are not used to seeing you smaller and see the loose skin. People told me when I was 20-30 lbs heavier than I am now that I was "too skinny" but now that my skin has tightened I never hear it anymore. It can also come from how quickly we can lose weight with this way of life... makes people think we have been sick instead of getting well. And you should never put the opinions of others ahead of your own opinions of yourself. Trying to please everyone else will only make you miserable. __________________ Click here to join me on a visual history to becoming 1/2 the man I used to be. The Story of Food and its relation to Disease. Whole Food Vitamins vs. Synthetic Vitamins. Cholesterol - The Truths and the Myths. Ask yourself two important questions: 1. Are you more healthy or less healthy today than you were 5 years ago? 2. Will you be more healthy or less healthy 5 years from now than you are today?

06-15-2005, 02:19 PM	#3
zeraspride Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 3,075 Gallery: zeraspride Stats: Highest 282.5 CW: 227.8 GW: 160 WOE: South Beach Start Date: 12/01/03 - restart 11/01/08 (down 6.2!)	armyp - thank you so much for your valuable words of wisdom. I just can't believe two people at the same time were telling me how skinny I am getting this afternoon. I know that losing 100 pounds makes me look completely different but one of the ladies was running it down for me talking about thin my neck and shoulders are becoming and how she can tell from just a few short months ago and that I could be slipping into dangerous territory if I don't stop now. Then earlier in the day an attorney friend of mine echoed the same words and said the very same things. Now if one or two people say that, it could be there opinion, right? But when groups of people start to say it, it makes me wonder. Then I remember that I'm 175 pounds and wearing a size 10 not 98 pounds and wearing a zero. I know the new me is taking some getting used to for everyone but if there is truth to their comments I want to know for sure. That's why I'm going to do some picture taking this weekend. I'll let you know how it turns out. Kajun - thank you for sharing your experience with me. I do have a lot of hanging skin around my arms and some on my thighs (which people can't see, thankfully). Maybe that has something to do with it. I have also noticed that I am way smaller on top (my chest went from 54 inches to 37.5 inches) than I am on bottom. I think I look a bit disproportioned right now. This happened a few months ago and then my body sort of shifted and I looked fine. I think the same thing will happen again plus I'm really working on my arm flab and hips, thighs and abs so I'm hoping it all comes together. You guys are such a strong source of support and I appreciate it so very much! __________________ Lisa My story: Lost 109 pounds on SBD (2003); gained 60pounds back - restarted SBD 11/1/08 Minigoals: 207 199 174 GOAL: 160 What about now? What about today? What if you're making me all that I was meant to be? . . . Baby, before it's too late; What about now? Daughtry

06-15-2005, 02:31 PM	#5
just4peas MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 2,348 Gallery: just4peas Stats: 209/145\|161/136 WOE: Whole Foods LC Start Date: 9/14/04\|11/25/07	I get that all the time too. The majority of the people that know me now, never saw me thin before. So they have no basis for comparison. I am 5'6" medium build. I do understand that the body I have now has more muscle than the 127 body I had waaaaay back when, so that is part of it. But I am not even near the bottom of my healthy weight bracket. I am right in the middle. I need to work on my waist line, by lowering my fat intake and exercise. I think that and my skin tightening up will make all the difference. I have a 29 inch waist now. I'd be thrilled with 27. My butt needs serious work, mostly in the skin department though. Now if someone makes that comment, I say really? Well how much do you weigh? When they spend as much time as I do planning their food, exercise and overall health plan, then their opinion might hold more value with me. __________________ ~Ami Plan: My Own ~ Total Lost: 70+ pounds in a year ~ 56.5 inches gone ~ Maintaining since 04-26-05

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06-15-2005, 02:26 PM	#4
amygirl_011 Senior LCF Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Minnesota Posts: 969 Gallery: amygirl_011 Stats: 155/142.5/127 5"5	Oh my gosh, I can so relate! I read this post, and I feel exactly the same way with both of you. For an example, I went to my brothers baseball game and someone who hasnt seen me since I lost my weight asked "if I wanted a piece of candy." I said no nicely, but he still continued to ask me. When I said no the final time, he turned to my dad and said, "get her to eat something, she is too skinny!" I was so angry. My brother keeps on saying "you better not have an eating disorder." He knows I don't, but he is worried that I am so skinny. Honestly, I am NOT that skinny! I am a size 5 pants. I know people that are a lot smaller than me...

06-15-2005, 06:39 PM	#6
bluevelvet MAJOR LCF POSTER! Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 1,797 Gallery: bluevelvet Stats: 168/135/ waist 27 5'6" WOE: South Beach Start Date: August 2004	I know what you mean. I have an "honorary aunt", long time family friend older than my parents, who basically all of my life has said that I was too skinny and that she wants to fatten me up. When she stopped saying that, then I knew I had a problem. From her, the comment is more of a compliment than an annoyance. Last Thanksgiving when I had lost a chunk of weight but still wasn't skinny, my ex's mother got on my case about my weight (and cutting my hair). I've since learned that she's a little controling and off balance. I have some friends who ask me why I am dieting. On the other hand, I also get the "she's too fat" looks. Know what I mean?

06-16-2005, 07:29 AM	#7
armypiglet Senior LCF Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: SE Pennsylvania Posts: 98 Gallery: armypiglet Stats: Atkins switcheroo to SB / WW WOE: South Beach (little WW) Start Date: 2/5/05	i totally know what you mean blue velvet - i get people who bug me about why i watch what i eat when im so small - when i am really not! and even if i were very small why wouldn't i watch what i eat to be healthy and not just be thin? like i said in the first post, i am 5 foot 5 and am 140 lbs. i wear a size 10-12, and have big boobs and big shoulders, and i have some muscle to hold my jellyness in but really need to lose the abdominal fat for my own health. i have no waistline, i have a 32 waist. so when people want to know why i watch what i eat my reply now is simply "i'd rather be and stay healthy" i won't let those comments throw me off again. those comments are insensitive and really expose the other persons insecurities, don't you guys think? ~jackie~ swimming much better today!

06-16-2005, 08:51 AM	#8
zeraspride Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 3,075 Gallery: zeraspride Stats: Highest 282.5 CW: 227.8 GW: 160 WOE: South Beach Start Date: 12/01/03 - restart 11/01/08 (down 6.2!)	I'm so glad you guys understand exactly where I am coming from! How true are all of your comments. I know I have to figure out when I'll be happy in my own skin. My problem is that I don't have a point of reference. I can't say, when I was 20 and was a size 6, I was so happy. I want to get back to that weight and size. I have always been out and out fat. Never anything in between so when people tell a former fattie that you are getting too skinny, it throws you a bit. Like bluevelvet said too, I get the she is still fat looks from people. The contradictions can be maddening. I was asking hubby last night what he thought. He says I'm fine, but he always thought I looked fine so he's no real help. He did say to forget what other people are saying and I'm trying to do that. Honestly I could care less if I lost these last 10-15 pounds. Really, I don't care! I'm ready for maintenance anyway, what I do care about is getting toned. I think that's what I'll say from now on if someone asks me am I still losing weight (I don't have the nerve to ask them what they weigh, which I did though!) I am going to say that I am focusing on eating healthy and toning up and leave it at that. I just know that even if I lost 25 pounds, I'd still have this hanging skin so that's my focus from now on. Again, thanks so much to each of you for sharing your experiences. I'm not letting anyone dictate how I am going to look. I am the only one that did this damage to my body and the only one that can undo the damage!