Misconceptions about being at goal

[nolcjunk]

Does anyone else deal with this?

I have been at goal for several years now and for some reason people (usually ones that are just acquaintances or random strangers who are struggling with their weight) assume that it must be so easy for me to stay at this weight, while it's a struggle for them. What?

I have the same struggles and problems- I work hard to eat on plan when I am tired, upset, sad, stressed, or have very little time. It's a choice, and sometimes a hard one, to go food shopping and cook most of my meals. I have to turn down treats and decide how to space out my calories/carbs if I know I will be eating at someone's house later or at a restaurant.

Plus, as anyone at a smaller body weight knows, you can't eat a lot because you will gain the weight back.

I have no problem with doing the work that is required to maintain but I hate the misconception that if you are at goal it must be because you had it so easy and you don't have to work hard to maintain it.

I've been around people that tell me that I am so lucky to be thin and how it's such a struggle for them, and they are telling me this while they are eating cake! Or, while at a restaurant, while I leave half my meal because the portions are way too big, someone that eats every bite of food on their plate and gets dessert, tells me later in the evening how hard they are working to lose weight and how they wish it would be as easy for them as it is for me!

[squeakie]

oh believe me, I know all too well how much work it is to maintain!!

[1sweettea1]

People are amazing, aren't they? It seems that self control of the mouth doesn't stop with just eating.

All you can do is nod sympathetically and let it go. You have no responsibility to carry around their guilt and you shouldn't have to, ever.

Be proud of your struggles and if anyone were to ask you about your experiences (which is rare because, after all, it IS all about them) share with them your struggle to get to a healthier you.

Congrats to you for overcoming so many obstacles to get to a better place in your life.

[nolcjunk]

Originally Posted by 1sweettea1

People are amazing, aren't they? It seems that self control of the mouth doesn't stop with just eating.

All you can do is nod sympathetically and let it go. You have no responsibility to carry around their guilt and you shouldn't have to, ever.

Be proud of your struggles and if anyone were to ask you about your experiences (which is rare because, after all, it IS all about them) share with them your struggle to get to a healthier you.

Congrats to you for overcoming so many obstacles to get to a better place in your life.

Thanks. I just shrug it off most of the time but sometimes it rises to the level of prank reality show absurdity, like is someone filming this? Did you really just say that? You, the person that eats every free food that is around, then wants to go out to lunch after you just had pizza and a muffin? While I turn everything down (I eat twice a day only, no snacks, I prefer bigger meals) and I am the naturally thin and lucky one??

I think this is a big problem and it's due to how diet books are marketed- everything is shown as being so effortless and easy and quick. Lose 14 pounds with just this one tiny change!

[mom23kids]

I just reached goal last week so this is a whole new world for me However i've decided that maintaining will not be a lot of work, and i refuse to count anything anymore. Right now i'm experimenting with IF windows and have actually lost a couple more pounds since calling goal. But, i understand what you're saying-we have to always be diligent and weight gain will always be a concern in the back of our minds. Some people, who haven't experienced our struggles, just won't understand and can be hurtful

[Leo41]

I've been maintaining an almost 200lb loss for close to 2 years now--and it's been a challenge each and every day! While the challenges of maintenance are different for me than when I was actively losing weight, I find that maintaining my weight involved a much steeper learning curve than I expected. All the 'food issues' that I thought I'd lost with my weight came roaring back once I got to maintenance.

Now I tend to think of myself as a 'recovering obese woman' because I know that my relationship to food will always be fraught with problems.

I lost my weight post-menopausal after a lifetime of morbid obesity, so I know that I can gain in a flash. My motto is "Eternal vigilance is the price of effective weight management." I still count calories and carbs (which is just as automatic for me at this point as showering or brushing my teeth), and I eat mainly whole foods, prepared simply.

Unlike nolcjunk, I am not bothered by other people's eating habits because most of my friends are old like me, and even if they've never been overweight, they find themselves having to 'watch' their weight as their metabolisms have slowed. So my spartan eating isn't at all unusual when I dine with friends:-)

Maintaining my weight is a challenge--but one that I'm happy to be engaged with because I am more fit and healthier than at any other time in my life.

[princessmommy]

This is what I worry about! Maintaining! I'm about 10 lbs from goal and I yo-yo so much already I worry about being able to stay within my goal! If I Ever get there that is! Lol!

[Casey]

Pick a plan you can make a lifestyle and stick with it. I agree - people think its easy to maintain and thoughtlessly say, "oh, it's easy for you - you don't understand."

[JMacB]

I cannot imagine that maintenance would be anything BUT a challenge. It would be so tempting to sliiiiiiiiiiiide back into some old habits.... A little of this, a dollop of that, oh just a taste. Is there ANYone on this board who hasn't had some success in the past with weight LOSS but then find the passage of time has them back at where they were? And it will require constant vigilance to stay where you want to be, because we have to deal with food every single day. This is why I'm okay with my slow (Ever so slow, to be practically glacial) rate of loss. I feel like I'm learning so much (oh thank you for existing, lowcarbfriends!) so that I can keep this up.

In conclusion: yay! You did it! And you are still doing it! I look forward to joining you club!

[SadieJack]

It is so interesting how people have fixed attitudes about something so basic as eating. There are a lot of psychological issues involved in eating. Each one must find their own way and feel comfortable in their own skin. Best of luck to you (and everyone here)!

[Mimosa23]

I have managed to reach goal and maintain for about 5 seconds, and this countless times now. I know like no other how hard it is to maintain. I have great admiration for anyone who can maintain their goal weight after losing for anything more than 5 minutes!

I know how to lose, and how to make that part work, but the maintaining, THAT is what is REALLY the difficult part.

Well done to all who have managed so far, you deserve praise!

I hope one day when I reach my goal this time round that I will have the insights and motivation that you all obviously have to stay at around that weight.

[AlwaysHungry]

Maintaining is a complete beast in itself. Like the previous poster, I was successfully at my goal for about a couple of days before I started gaining again.

I think for me I need to set new goals once I hit my weight. Whatever it may be, you should always be striving for something to keep you focused and not complacent.

Its sink or swim. There is no treading water here.

[rubidoux]

Originally Posted by nolcjunk

I've been around people that tell me that I am so lucky to be thin and how it's such a struggle for them, and they are telling me this while they are eating cake! Or, while at a restaurant, while I leave half my meal because the portions are way too big, someone that eats every bite of food on their plate and gets dessert, tells me later in the evening how hard they are working to lose weight and how they wish it would be as easy for them as it is for me!

Originally Posted by nolcjunk

You, the person that eats every free food that is around, then wants to go out to lunch after you just had pizza and a muffin? While I turn everything down (I eat twice a day only, no snacks, I prefer bigger meals) and I am the naturally thin and lucky one??

I think this is a big problem and it's due to how diet books are marketed- everything is shown as being so effortless and easy and quick. Lose 14 pounds with just this one tiny change!

I don't think it's diet books at all. I think it's our chemistry and the crappy foods that we're constantly bombarded with.

The statements above really make me wonder what you were like before you started eating low carb. I was (and since I'm still the same person, am) JUST LIKE the people you are describing above. Right now I am for some reason having a little bit of success sticking to my plan and I am so thankful for it and I HOPE HOPE HOPE every day that whatever magic this is will continue. Mind you, I am not losing at any tremendous rate, at all. I wouldn't be surprised to find out it was about a pound or maybe pound and a half per month. But for me just having that carb demon off my back is so huge and wonderful. BUT I know it is lurking behind ever corner and ready to pounce. So when I read your descriptions of those crazy overeaters... ahhhh... there but for the grace of god goes me! I do not feel like they are idiots for feeling like you are lucky. I feel like I AM LUCKY to just be able to stick to a plan at all and if they said that to me while they were eating chocolate cake, I think I'd go "yeah, man, I am so happy that I am not being controlled by chocolate cake today!" Life just feels terrible when you're in that place. And it also feels (at least to me, when I'm there) like getting out from under it is insurmountable.

I think you're super lucky. But I don't think you necessarily have it easy. I believe you when you say you don't. But if I was eating some cake right now, I'd change places with you in a heartbeat if it were possible. And I'd envy you something fierce.

[livinlarge]

I guess that if it was easy to be in maintenance we wouldn't see so many "restarting" posts here (myself included)

[nolcjunk]

Originally Posted by rubidoux

Right now I am for some reason having a little bit of success sticking to my plan and I am so thankful for it and I HOPE HOPE HOPE every day that whatever magic this is will continue. .

I also struggled at the beginning, and had to learn how to eat so that I could be successful. But, do you really think that it's magic? I think it's knowing your body and sticking with it, no matter what, even if you mess up. I learned that you have to expect that you will succeed and you are in charge or else you will just trip over your feet.

I tend to think- You're the one that managed to stick to this plan for 45 days! It's your success and not the result of chance.

I think about it like exercise- if you keep exercising and then finally after some time you are able to do that one real pushup, is that magic or a result of your hard work? You have to will yourself to get dressed and go to the gym. I have friends that run things like 5ks and marathons- I would never tell them that they are so lucky and naturally athletic when we run together and they leave me in the dust. I know the work they put into it and how they do it no matter what, whether it's raining or cold or they're tired or don't feel like it.

[rubidoux]

It might not be magic for you, maybe not even for most people. I'm not sure. But, you never know what it is for someone else. You can look at them and think, wow, you just have to not eat that damn cake. That doesn't feel like it should take magic. But you have no idea what that person's chemical and emotional challenges are.

For me, it is kinda magic, or at least it will be until I really fully figure out the science of it if there is any. I discovered Atkins i 2000 and I was very faithful about staying under 25 g of CHO for 3 1/2 years. It was a dream come true for my blood sugar and without it, I would never have attempted to have a child. So, it was just a godsend. BUT, I lost nine pounds in the first two weeks and then never another pound. I have tried all sorts of diets with similar results (except no others gave me the blood sugar results). I was very scared bc I didn't believe there was any way for me to lose weight but I was steadily gaining (because I am a full fledged carb addicted, no doubt, I was definitely one of those eating the chocolate cake and complaining about my weight) and I didn't feel like I had the strength to do the right thing even if I knew what that was.

Then a couple of years ago I went zero carb, not to lose weight, but bc I was having a hard time with my blood sugar. But I ended up losing 40 pounds. Until it didn't work for me anymore. (The truth is I was having some physical symptoms from it that I didn't understand or know how to get past.) And I gained 25 pounds back, all the while trying desperately to follow other diets. Then I decided I was going back once more to LC for my blood sugar, really, again, not expecting it to have any effect on my weight. But then I learned about this new nutritional ketosis thing (which I believe is what I was actually doing the last time to lose weight, but people weren't talking about it here yet and I didn't know about Phinney and Volek), and I am actually losing I think. Very slowly, but for me, losing at all is magical. And I know that it may stop at any time and it will me pure magical luck if it doesn't or if I manage to figure out what will work if it does.

Yes, I feel like the stars have to line up perfectly for my life to be like it is these last 45 days. And I am very much aware that they could change at any moment and I may never figure out how to get it back.

I suppose there are people, maybe a lot of them, who just cut down on the carbs and lose weight. But if that were the general rule, why would there be so many fat people? I think it can't be that easy for most people.

[GAVIV]

Originally Posted by rubidoux

It might not be magic for you, maybe not even for most people. I'm not sure. But, you never know what it is for someone else. You can look at them and think, wow, you just have to not eat that damn cake. That doesn't feel like it should take magic. But you have no idea what that person's chemical and emotional challenges are.

For me, it is kinda magic, or at least it will be until I really fully figure out the science of it if there is any. I discovered Atkins i 2000 and I was very faithful about staying under 25 g of CHO for 3 1/2 years. It was a dream come true for my blood sugar and without it, I would never have attempted to have a child. So, it was just a godsend. BUT, I lost nine pounds in the first two weeks and then never another pound. I have tried all sorts of diets with similar results (except no others gave me the blood sugar results). I was very scared bc I didn't believe there was any way for me to lose weight but I was steadily gaining (because I am a full fledged carb addicted, no doubt, I was definitely one of those eating the chocolate cake and complaining about my weight) and I didn't feel like I had the strength to do the right thing even if I knew what that was.

Then a couple of years ago I went zero carb, not to lose weight, but bc I was having a hard time with my blood sugar. But I ended up losing 40 pounds. Until it didn't work for me anymore. (The truth is I was having some physical symptoms from it that I didn't understand or know how to get past.) And I gained 25 pounds back, all the while trying desperately to follow other diets. Then I decided I was going back once more to LC for my blood sugar, really, again, not expecting it to have any effect on my weight. But then I learned about this new nutritional ketosis thing (which I believe is what I was actually doing the last time to lose weight, but people weren't talking about it here yet and I didn't know about Phinney and Volek), and I am actually losing I think. Very slowly, but for me, losing at all is magical. And I know that it may stop at any time and it will me pure magical luck if it doesn't or if I manage to figure out what will work if it does.

Yes, I feel like the stars have to line up perfectly for my life to be like it is these last 45 days. And I am very much aware that they could change at any moment and I may never figure out how to get it back.

I suppose there are people, maybe a lot of them, who just cut down on the carbs and lose weight. But if that were the general rule, why would there be so many fat people? I think it can't be that easy for most people.

Excellent points, and I was right there with you. Good luck on your journey.

[nolcjunk]

Originally Posted by rubidoux

I suppose there are people, maybe a lot of them, who just cut down on the carbs and lose weight. But if that were the general rule, why would there be so many fat people? I think it can't be that easy for most people.

I don't think that part is easy- you have to find the diet that works and keep working at it. Cutting carbs isnt the answer, or not the whole answer, for everyone. I learned that I had to cut carbs and stick to lower calories and eat mostly unprocessed, whole foods. And, hardest of all, to keep sticking to it most of the time, no matter what else was/is happening in my life. So while it is quite simple, it isn't easy.

I hope your success continues.

[Rhubarb]

I have no doubt that maintenance is a trial. I maintained my weight through white-knuckled perseverance and will-power for almost two decades. I counted calories, exercised religiously and then later used weight watchers to keep me on the straight and narrow. Basically, I starved. For years. It's a miracle I didn't develop a serious eating disorder.

I now believe that I spent a good part of my youth unhappy and unwell and let my vanity rule me when I should have been more creative and looked for a more rational way to live my life. I feel for people who are in the grip of powerful cravings and hunger, because I had them daily and suffered for it both when I was so proud of my own self-control and when I finally let go after a back injury that nearly killed me. Neither mode was good for my body or my head.

Never again. I want to be healthy and happy and if I find myself back in the grip of rigid self-denial I'll do something else. I don't expect maintenance to be easy, but if it's all about pain and control I've been there and done that.

.

[svenskamae]

Originally Posted by rubidoux

I don't think it's diet books at all. I think it's our chemistry and the crappy foods that we're constantly bombarded with.

The statements above really make me wonder what you were like before you started eating low carb. I was (and since I'm still the same person, am) JUST LIKE the people you are describing above. Right now I am for some reason having a little bit of success sticking to my plan and I am so thankful for it and I HOPE HOPE HOPE every day that whatever magic this is will continue. Mind you, I am not losing at any tremendous rate, at all. I wouldn't be surprised to find out it was about a pound or maybe pound and a half per month. But for me just having that carb demon off my back is so huge and wonderful. BUT I know it is lurking behind ever corner and ready to pounce. So when I read your descriptions of those crazy overeaters... ahhhh... there but for the grace of god goes me! I do not feel like they are idiots for feeling like you are lucky. I feel like I AM LUCKY to just be able to stick to a plan at all and if they said that to me while they were eating chocolate cake, I think I'd go "yeah, man, I am so happy that I am not being controlled by chocolate cake today!" Life just feels terrible when you're in that place. And it also feels (at least to me, when I'm there) like getting out from under it is insurmountable.

I think you're super lucky. But I don't think you necessarily have it easy. I believe you when you say you don't. But if I was eating some cake right now, I'd change places with you in a heartbeat if it were possible. And I'd envy you something fierce.

I find it so much easier to cope with hunger eating low carb than I did when I was eating a "healthy high carb" diet. I do JUDDD, so I do face hunger often (eating 300 calories/day every other day can make you hungry). Despite near fasting frequently, I don't feel ravenously, desperately, cram-it-in-my-mouth-NOW hungry (with headaches and shakiness and misery) the way I did when I ate more calories but my blood sugar was going up and down every time I ate bread or fruit or legumes or grains.

Some of what people may be picking up on when they think your maintenance or weight loss is "easy" is that you don't seem as desperate to eat RIGHT NOW or have as much trouble ignoring sweets and carby snacks as people eating SAD. No, it's not easy to lose or maintain on a lowcarb diet, but for me, it's easier by far than trying to lose, maintain, or resist temptation when eating a high carb diet. I'm just so glad that I'm not eating lots of carbs and fighting that desperate blood-sugar-driven hunger and cravings anymore.

[nolcjunk]

Originally Posted by Rhubarb

I have no doubt that maintenance is a trial. I maintained my weight through white-knuckled perseverance and will-power for almost two decades. I counted calories, exercised religiously and then later used weight watchers to keep me on the straight and narrow. Basically, I starved. For years. It's a miracle I didn't develop a serious eating disorder.

.

I do count calories/carbs, exercise, and am aware of any weight gain right away (because I weigh daily) but I don't starve. For me the work is worth it and I am happy. It was much harder being fat. I didn't have to count calories and was eating more but I was miserable.

I see it like anything else- if you want to do well in anything - school, sports, work, saving money, any accomplishment, then you need to work hard for it.

[Kimberli33]

Originally Posted by rubidoux

I don't think it's diet books at all. I think it's our chemistry and the crappy foods that we're constantly bombarded with.

The statements above really make me wonder what you were like before you started eating low carb. I was (and since I'm still the same person, am) JUST LIKE the people you are describing above. Right now I am for some reason having a little bit of success sticking to my plan and I am so thankful for it and I HOPE HOPE HOPE every day that whatever magic this is will continue. Mind you, I am not losing at any tremendous rate, at all. I wouldn't be surprised to find out it was about a pound or maybe pound and a half per month. But for me just having that carb demon off my back is so huge and wonderful. BUT I know it is lurking behind ever corner and ready to pounce. So when I read your descriptions of those crazy overeaters... ahhhh... there but for the grace of god goes me! I do not feel like they are idiots for feeling like you are lucky. I feel like I AM LUCKY to just be able to stick to a plan at all and if they said that to me while they were eating chocolate cake, I think I'd go "yeah, man, I am so happy that I am not being controlled by chocolate cake today!" Life just feels terrible when you're in that place. And it also feels (at least to me, when I'm there) like getting out from under it is insurmountable.

I think you're super lucky. But I don't think you necessarily have it easy. I believe you when you say you don't. But if I was eating some cake right now, I'd change places with you in a heartbeat if it were possible. And I'd envy you something fierce.

I agree...I stuffed my face with cake and then cried and felt sick numerous times before "I got it".I do think any of us that have FINALLY "got it" are very blessed indeed.When knowledge meets willpower meets determination then you ARE lucky!!It doesnt mean losing or maintaining arent hard work but once you have the skills and know your body your half way there imo.

[Kimberli33]

Originally Posted by nolcjunk

I do count calories/carbs, exercise, and am aware of any weight gain right away (because I weigh daily) but I don't starve. For me the work is worth it and I am happy. It was much harder being fat. I didn't have to count calories and was eating more but I was miserable.

I see it like anything else- if you want to do well in anything - school, sports, work, saving money, any accomplishment, then you need to work hard for it.

True,but the way you are "lucky or blessed" is you know the skills it takes to make it happen.A woe that works for you,determination,patience,willpower,self confidence,self control ,these make it happen and IMO without them you find yourself stuffing cake in your piehole and whining.

[Leo41]

I think some posters are missing the OP's point in starting this thread.

Those of us who are coping with maintenance and managing our weight are neither no more 'lucky' or "blessed' than anyone else on this board.

Getting to goal and maintaining at that weight is hard work--and it doesn't get any easier just because we are finally at a 'normal' weight. In fact, in some ways, maintaining is harder than weight loss (which partially explains the high rate of recidivism) because scientific studies show that obesity is the only physical condition that is bad for the body but which the body doesn't regard negatively. It's losing weight that the body sees as a danger (from the ancient times when famine meant death).

Thus, after any significant weight loss, the body tries to induce gain--via hunger signals and other hormonal shifts that increase appetite. "Listening to me body" would be a disaster for me after losing almost 200 lbs because my body wants me to gain that weight back.

Maintenance may be different for someone who has had to lose 20 lbs or fewer, but for those of us who have been morbidly obese, weight management will be a lifetime effort. It's an effort that's worth it for me, but it's not because I'm 'lucky' or 'blessed' that I am handling it. It's because I'm vigilant and determined.

[nolcjunk]

Originally Posted by Leo41

I think some posters are missing the OP's point in starting this thread.

Those of us who are coping with maintenance and managing our weight are neither no more 'lucky' or "blessed' than anyone else on this board.

Getting to goal and maintaining at that weight is hard work--and it doesn't get any easier just because we are finally at a 'normal' weight. In fact, in some ways, maintaining is harder than weight loss (which partially explains the high rate of recidivism) because scientific studies show that obesity is the only physical condition that is bad for the body but which the body doesn't regard negatively. It's losing weight that the body sees as a danger (from the ancient times when famine meant death).

Thus, after any significant weight loss, the body tries to induce gain--via hunger signals and other hormonal shifts that increase appetite. "Listening to me body" would be a disaster for me after losing almost 200 lbs because my body wants me to gain that weight back.

Maintenance may be different for someone who has had to lose 20 lbs or fewer, but for those of us who have been morbidly obese, weight management will be a lifetime effort. It's an effort that's worth it for me, but it's not because I'm 'lucky' or 'blessed' that I am handling it. It's because I'm vigilant and determined.

Yes, thank you, that is exactly what I meant.

[jeaniem]

I agree maintenance is hard I have failed at it, but I think you are being a bit harsh concerning how much food they want to eat. Not everyone understands that eating carbs can increase their appetite and cause them to overeat. My DH thinks all the LC authors are conspiracy theorists just trying to sell books.I can clearly see with him when he is driven to eat by an over consumption of carbs, but he doesn't see it that way. Also, I think what they might mean when they say you are lucky is that they have tried diets and failed so you are lucky to be one of the 5%.

I am not discounting your loss and dedication at all, in fact it is admirable! I just can kind of see where they are coming from as well.

[nolcjunk]

Originally Posted by jeaniem

I agree maintenance is hard I have failed at it, but I think you are being a bit harsh concerning how much food they want to eat. Not everyone understands that eating carbs can increase their appetite and cause them to overeat. My DH thinks all the LC authors are conspiracy theorists just trying to sell books.I can clearly see with him when he is driven to eat by an over consumption of carbs, but he doesn't see it that way. Also, I think what they might mean when they say you are lucky is that they have tried diets and failed so you are lucky to be one of the 5%.

I am not discounting your loss and dedication at all, in fact it is admirable! I just can kind of see where they are coming from as well.

I am not judging what they eat, I really don't care. My problem is with them eating what they eat and telling me that I am naturally skinny and it's effortless for me, and hard work for them, when they know how I eat and see me turning down food that is just pure junk.

[jeaniem]

I was referring to the comment you made about them wanting to go out and eat again after eating all the free food lying around. I think that way of eating increases some peoples appetites and they don't see the connection,so they can't fathom how anyone could not be as hungry as they think they are.

[Psmileyf]

Maintaining is a struggle for me. I think it is a little harder mentally because I do not get the "high" from seeing an nice whoosh on the scale. It is hard to maintain that level of excitement over the scale saying the same.

Today I woke up starving...and I want something really filling...which for 36 years of my life was a bagel or bread of some sort. And it is still a struggle to cook myself an egg when I could open up a bag of something and take a bite.

And as I posted in the playground the other day, some people discount my experience because they think I can't understand the struggles. Like this was "easy" for me. I didn't wake up 53 lbs thinner one day. I tried for over 10 years until I found something that worked.

[sfmom]

I am finding that maintenance on low carb is a lot easier than when I was on weight watchers. I think because I eat whole healthy foods on low carb instead of processed garbage foods like when I was trying to maintain on WW. My body is satisfied and I don't tend to have cravings or want to overeat - so in that way I am lucky. I am not finding maintenance hard, I have been in it for 5 months which is not near as long as some of you but I get up every day and I make a choice on eating healthy and feeling great or going back to eating carbs, gaining 50lbs back and being completely miserable and unhappy. That daily choice for me so far has been a no-brainer. I did work hard to get here and make the choices every day that it takes to stay here but I am happy with the way I eat and how I look so it is a win win for me.

Audrey