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Old 12-31-2012, 01:15 PM   #1
vilanteira
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Crushed...and not eating

Hi all...I haven't been around much lately because I'd been going through a really rough time with my bf and he broke up with me a few days ago. He met someone a few weeks ago and wanted to start dating her so he ended things with me. He said he still loves me but that it wasn't working out. I'd been with him for 3 years, and I'm devastated. A year ago we were planning our future together and talking marriage.

It's been tough the latter half of this year as even though I had reached my goal weight this past summer, I literally lost my job at the same time. Still haven't been able to find a job and my unemployment is about to end. The stress in our lives along with some opposition on the part of his family must have just been too much, and now I've lost the love of my life as well. Then to top things off, I just fractured my toe. It was a bad one so now I'm pretty much immobile and hobbling around the house in crutches.

I haven't been eating well, and I know that I really need to. It is literally a gigantic effort to force myself to even eat beyond DD calories every single day. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and the pain in my foot is nothing compared to the emotional pain I'm trying hard to handle. I'm afraid of messing up my metabolism from days of not eating (and not even sure when I can get the calories up again), and asking for some advice with this.

I'm a mess right now, and I really needed to get this out. I do know the one thing I cannot slack off on no matter what is happening is job searching. Unfortunately this won't be happening until the doctor clears me for walking on the foot though (he said won't be anytime soon). I'm praying that the New Year brings some better luck.

Sorry for being such a downer on New Year's Eve and thanks for listening.
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Old 12-31-2012, 01:34 PM   #2
sunday
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vilanteira View Post
Hi all...I haven't been around much lately because I'd been going through a really rough time with my bf and he broke up with me a few days ago. He met someone a few weeks ago and wanted to start dating her so he ended things with me. He said he still loves me but that it wasn't working out. I'd been with him for 3 years, and I'm devastated. A year ago we were planning our future together and talking marriage.

It's been tough the latter half of this year as even though I had reached my goal weight this past summer, I literally lost my job at the same time. Still haven't been able to find a job and my unemployment is about to end. The stress in our lives along with some opposition on the part of his family must have just been too much, and now I've lost the love of my life as well. Then to top things off, I just fractured my toe. It was a bad one so now I'm pretty much immobile and hobbling around the house in crutches.

I haven't been eating well, and I know that I really need to. It is literally a gigantic effort to force myself to even eat beyond DD calories every single day. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and the pain in my foot is nothing compared to the emotional pain I'm trying hard to handle. I'm afraid of messing up my metabolism from days of not eating (and not even sure when I can get the calories up again), and asking for some advice with this.

I'm a mess right now, and I really needed to get this out. I do know the one thing I cannot slack off on no matter what is happening is job searching. Unfortunately this won't be happening until the doctor clears me for walking on the foot though (he said won't be anytime soon). I'm praying that the New Year brings some better luck.

Sorry for being such a downer on New Year's Eve and thanks for listening.
I am so sorry. I really feel the sadness through your words.

I know all about losing your appetite too, because I tend to do this as well. I either go nutso and eat junk or eat barely anything. Somewhere in our Benefits thread, we have a great link about the science that you really can't wreak havoc on your metabolism unless you are at your lean weight. Which if you are at that weight or lower, then you may be in that situation?

I have family who have fallen prey to the economy and lost their job as well and I relate to the fear that you are feeling. Big hugs and I wil pray that the right job comes your way.
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Last edited by sunday; 12-31-2012 at 01:36 PM..
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Old 12-31-2012, 01:38 PM   #3
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I am so, so sorry you're going through all of this. I was going through only about 50% of that at the end of 2006, and I really didn't know if it was possible to get through it. It took time (which I didn't think I really had), but eventually things came together. All I can say is be very kind to yourself and allow yourself time to grieve and heal.

Here's hoping 2013 brings you good health, a great job, and much happiness.
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Old 12-31-2012, 01:48 PM   #4
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Vila, ahhhhh, honey, I feel for you, and am sending enormous love your way.
And hoping you do whatever takes best care of you at the moment. So what if that means DD eating for a few days. You'll come out fine on the other end. Way underneath all of this, life is still good. (Okay, wayyyyyy underneath, maybe.)

Speaking of which, do not read the following until a good chunk of time has passed.

(You were amazing at this point in your life. Resourceful, talented, smart, creative. You were every good thing you ever thought you were and more. That's how you found this wonderful job you've got.
It is also possible that although he was the love of your life until that horrible time, you were destined for someone even better for you, someone to go forward with in great happiness and love.
And now you've got this beautifully healed toe to remind you that gross, crapola times help us slough off who we were so that an even more fantastic version of ourselves can assert herself.
You were loved throughout this time. By your friends, by your JUDDD buds, by the people who mattered. And you're loved now. Love has been a constant. Not security, but love. And love is better.)

Don't read that till you're ready. And ignore it if it doesn't serve you well.
Thanks for sharing your life with us. That's courageous.
Lots of love and faith in you, Vila.
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Old 12-31-2012, 01:51 PM   #5
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I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time.
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Old 12-31-2012, 02:10 PM   #6
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Old 12-31-2012, 02:16 PM   #7
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I know this may not help, but the saying goes "things get worse before they get better". I hope things just go up for you from here
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Old 12-31-2012, 02:33 PM   #8
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Old 12-31-2012, 02:43 PM   #9
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Awww. I think we all wish we had a magic wand because if we had one we would wave it right now and take your pain away. Time will do that. You WILL come out of this and will experience happy, wondrous times in your future. You have to draw on your strength now to let time do its thing. Lean on us all you want. We're here.
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Old 12-31-2012, 03:07 PM   #10
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So sorry.
Things will get better.
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Old 12-31-2012, 03:09 PM   #11
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So sorry for the difficult time you've having Villa. Please lean on friends and family that you can, and try not to take on everything alone. Come here often and we will be here for you too.
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Old 12-31-2012, 04:07 PM   #12
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Old 12-31-2012, 04:15 PM   #13
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So, so sorry, Vila. Can't imagine any of this will sound right about now. Seems like right now you just need to mourn this loss. The foot injury kind of gives you an excuse to hole up and have a good cry for a few days, if that is what you need. Then by all means get back on the job search. You will find something. (I am losing my unemployment too and don't have a clue how next month's expenses will be met, but am counting on the job market picking up after the holidays are over) When my husband left I got very busy and poured my feelings out into songs. Eventually, I got through it. As for food issues, guess I would rather have your problem of not eating than the opposite. So many of us eat for comfort. I imagine you will get hungry eventually.
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Old 12-31-2012, 04:41 PM   #14
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I am sorry!
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Old 12-31-2012, 04:47 PM   #15
Patkid
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In my head and in my heart I am making you a nice piece of toast and bringing you some ginger ale...not the diet variety!
You are bundled up on the couch with a soft blanket and a box of tissues.
I am just listening to you and I can feel how sad you are.
I wish you lived next door.
Blessings and comfort.
Pat
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Old 12-31-2012, 04:49 PM   #16
calichris
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Oh Vilanteira! I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I'm glad you came here and hope we can help support you through this time. Tomorrow's a new year, a fresh start, and although the pain of it all (physical and emotional) won't go away immediately, better days are ahead in 2013. This season WILL pass, and leave you stronger and wiser on the other side.

If you can help it, try not to worry too much about your metabolism. Even if it slows down a bit (and that's an "if" ... it might not), you can always build it back up again - you know how with JUDDD. If it is one more thing troubling you, you could try to drink some calories (milkshakes, starbucks breve lattes, whatever you like), but it seems universal to lose your appetite at a time like this and it is ok.

Big hugs to you, BUDDD.
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:02 PM   #17
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Vila, I am so sorry for all that you're dealing with right now!! What a crappy time to have it all come together! Your BF is a jerk!! IMHO!! I don't know you very well; but, I do know that no one deserves to be so hurt by another.

Please be kind to yourself & come here & let your JB's help....if only to listen. I've found everyone here to be so loving that I am amazed at finding so many kind hearts in one place!! Take care of your foot. I've broken several toes over the years(I broke my great toe on my left foot just week before last!!) But, I am a tough old broad & it is already feeling better!

I'm adding you to my . Some of my children have gone thru the jobless times in their lives & have come out on the other side......better jobs & happier! I feel you will do the same. Easy does it, Vila!
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:34 PM   #18
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You're not a downer, you're speaking from the heart and needed an ear. I wish we were all there to give you some big IRL hugs! I'm sorry everything seems to be throwing itself on you at once right now. Try not to worry about what you're eating or not eating at this point, just take things as they come and feel what you need to feel to get through. Lean on people that matter to you and be extra gentle with yourself right now. I understand how scary the financial part can be and I'm so sorry you have that to worry about on top of heartache. Praying that 2013 brings you financial security, health & peace sweetie!
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Old 12-31-2012, 07:33 PM   #19
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I hope 2013 will bring better days for you... I was in a very dark place 4 years ago at the end of a 25 year relationship, and I recall having no appetite for a few weeks. Hang in there... and I hope you are getting local free supports, if available, re finding work, and possibly, someone to talk to about your heartbreak too (ymmv, but I have found counselling very supportive of recovery and regeneration in several valleys in my lifetime).

__________________


Jan 29-Feb 14: Potato hack (plus dinner every other day)
Feb 15 onward: ? back to JUDDD... or calorie counting with intermittent potato hacks
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Old 12-31-2012, 07:40 PM   #20
vilanteira
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You are all such wonderful people here...I'm like a faucet springing a huge leak right now and wiping away tears as I write this. You don't know how much your advice and hugs and prayers and consoling helps. I know I'm most definitely not the only one going through rough times, but you JBs are truly the kindest, warmest, most considerate people I have ever seen anywhere (not just online). I am so thankful I found this forum full of people with big hearts. I really wish we could have some sort of real life JB event and get together to meet everyone.

I had a large dinner tonight with a few close friends, and ate a ton of rice and had potato chips and chocolate too (that's a lot of carbs for me in one sitting). It was the first time I felt my appetite come to life for days so I'm not worrying about it.

I've read everything written here carefully and am taking it all to heart. Bless you all, and I hope you all have a Wonderful and Happy New Year!
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Old 12-31-2012, 07:45 PM   #21
Carly
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and
I know it is hard to believe this right now, but it will get better.
It may take some time, but this difficult time will pass and I believe you will emerge stronger and happier. I know I don't feel like eating when I'm really stressed and upset. Try not to worry about food and just take good care of yourself.

I really hope 2013 will bring good things for you.
sending more and
__________________
<---- Before Carly
JUDDD changed my life. It transformed my health, gave me freedom and restored my confidence.

JUDDD is very simple, very livable and very flexible. JUDDD allows weight loss and life to happen simultaneously.

See my before and after pictures
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Old 12-31-2012, 09:50 PM   #22
gotitnow
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((((Vila))))) big hugs to you. I could not possibly add to what has already been said. I fully agree with everyone, and just know I will put you in my

Your loving, caring JUDDD Bud, Phyl
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Old 01-01-2013, 05:10 AM   #23
415redhead
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May I recommend the book "getting to I do" by Pat Allen. Truly lifesaving insight regarding relationships. Written in the 1990's, but timeless in wisdom. She also has tapes on a web site that are helpful for those who hear better than read. You can get it cheap on amazon. Blessings-Lord knows we can all relate to some degree
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Old 01-01-2013, 08:54 AM   #24
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Oh, Vila, I'm sorry for all the difficult times you are going through right now. I can relate on the unemployment. But to have all the rest of that going on too, of course you are needing support. And we are here to give it. I'm glad your appetite is back and you are eating again, that's important.

As for the rest, time will help. Your toe will heal, your heart will heal. It doesn't seem like it now, but they will. And you'll find a new job that makes you happy. That is my wish for you for the new year.
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"Success occurs in clusters and is born in generosity" --Julia Cameron

Describes my JUDDD Buddds perfectly.
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Old 01-02-2013, 02:00 AM   #25
gotsomeold
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I was out of town (and out of internet access) for a few days.

Oh Vilanteira! Once things start going wrong, they seem to pile up. You are surrounded by supportive hugs and sympathies. Many of them from me.
__________________
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GOAL 10/3/12
Still at goal 2/6/13
STILL below goal 2/15/14

I did not "lose" weight. I evicted it. It is gone and it ain't coming back!

JUDDD cares about calories. JUDDD does not care what you eat. Your body probably does.
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Old 01-02-2013, 03:55 AM   #26
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I am just so sorry for you and how awful you must be feeling. All I can offer is my warmest, kindest thoughts. It is impossible for you to believe this now, but this really will pass. There will be a happy times again I promise.

I just wish sometimes that we were not only Internet friends. Sometimes a real proper hug is called for.
__________________
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Embrace a little hunger. It is the sign of healing.

Relax, rotate, reduce, rejoice.

Down Days are the cement that hold JUDDD together.

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Old 01-02-2013, 05:22 AM   #27
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I hope 2013 brings you a fresh start in every area of your life!

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Old 01-02-2013, 07:29 AM   #28
vanilla_latte
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joyjoy View Post
Vila, ahhhhh, honey, I feel for you, and am sending enormous love your way.
And hoping you do whatever takes best care of you at the moment. So what if that means DD eating for a few days. You'll come out fine on the other end. Way underneath all of this, life is still good. (Okay, wayyyyyy underneath, maybe.)

Speaking of which, do not read the following until a good chunk of time has passed.

(You were amazing at this point in your life. Resourceful, talented, smart, creative. You were every good thing you ever thought you were and more. That's how you found this wonderful job you've got.
It is also possible that although he was the love of your life until that horrible time, you were destined for someone even better for you, someone to go forward with in great happiness and love.
And now you've got this beautifully healed toe to remind you that gross, crapola times help us slough off who we were so that an even more fantastic version of ourselves can assert herself.
You were loved throughout this time. By your friends, by your JUDDD buds, by the people who mattered. And you're loved now. Love has been a constant. Not security, but love. And love is better.)

Don't read that till you're ready. And ignore it if it doesn't serve you well.
Thanks for sharing your life with us. That's courageous.
Lots of love and faith in you, Vila.


It is SO hard to see light at the end of the tunnel right now, but when you begin to see it you'll be able to see that what lies ahead is so much better.

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Old 01-02-2013, 09:01 AM   #29
sterlinggirl
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MY dear freind just keep comming here for the support you need and let it all out..
__________________
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1991 Highest Weight 296#
1995 Low Fat 190#
2012 225#Job change.
2012 lost 60# on JUDDD. 166 N Lw
2015 185# Depression.
4/1/2015 NK new Woe. @ 185
My whole life has been a battle BUT I always get back up when it knocks me down.. Never give up!!!
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Old 01-02-2013, 09:30 AM   #30
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Just wanted to come back and send some more your way! Thinking about you and hoping today's a bit easier...
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