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Old 06-09-2017, 06:50 PM   #1
SarahDee
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struggling would love advice

Hi, I was hoping for a bit of advice. I love love the low carb life. I've been doing low carb for a few years now and have slowly lost about 35 pounds. But my father died recently and I've been struggling with staying on track since then. While I was back home helping him through hospice, I went on a carb binge at night emotional eating (mostly stuck to low-carb/fasting during the day though so I only gained a few pounds during that time). But since I've been back home I just can't seem to stick to low carb. I keep cheating and gaining. I'm at the point where I'm going to have gained 10 pounds back if I'm not careful. I can barely fit in my thinner clothes. I know emotionally, physically, everything - I feel better on low carb.

SO. My question is - have you gone through periods when you were struggling with the motivation of sticking to this WOE because of life events. And if so, how did you stick to it?

Some days I find fasting helps because it feels like if I eat anything - even low carb - it triggers a carb binge. But other days like today, I'm just ravenous and I think maybe copious amounts of bacon is the answer. In the past, both things have worked, but nothing seems to now. I think part of my problem is mental - I want a quick fix to lose the weight I recently gained back - and quick fixes are just not the answer.

Would love a bit of tough love, advice, something, from those who may have been there and made it through. Thank you. <3
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Old 06-10-2017, 01:44 AM   #2
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First of all I am so sorry for the loss of your father, every woman is a Daddy's little girl at heart. I know exactly what you are going through my father died August 2016 he had Parkinson's. I teach and he took a turn for the worst and was hospitalized 2 days into summer vacation and went home 4 days later in the care of hospice and passed away the day before I had to go back to work. I understand about emotional/stress eating pretty much everyone has done it numerous times to one extent or another. Watching my dad like that and taking care of him everyday because my mom emotionally couldn't had the opposite effect on me. That's when I actually gave up artificial sugar and my beloved diet Pepsi. I had wanted to do that for years to be more healthy and that was the push I needed. I've done low carb off and on since the 90's and eventually gained the weight back. This time when I started October 2012 I had the goal to be healthier. I also did not make drastic changes all at once. I gave up/started things one at a time until I was successful with each thing. The weight came off slower but I was ok with that. Personally i didn't want to do any quick fixes. I wanted to learn to eat/live my life a way I could do everyday for life in good times and during bad. SarahDee don't be so hard on yourself to lose the weight quickly. You've been through a very stressful time and have experienced a great loss. Start small if you have to. It's not a race if you take longer to lose the weight it's ok. You can do this. I have faith in you. Be kind to yourself your health is everything. Best wishes.

Last edited by Puppy love; 06-10-2017 at 01:45 AM..
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Old 06-10-2017, 03:50 AM   #3
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It's definitely not easy SarahDee. Some of us seem to be prone to emotional eating. I've generally been holding the line between low-carb/high-carb foods, nevertheless, I don't feel good when I know I am using food (even very low carb food) to deal with emotions and stress. So far, I haven't delved into my prohibited items as I just keep telling myself that I don't want to go there, and that those items don't taste that great anyway. They really don't. So, I guess I'm balancing it a bit right now, I might overdo it a bit on cheese/salami or even allow myself a small popcorn, but it's all with a view to "damage limitation"...that I don't ever want to get into a pattern. Ten lbs is definitely alarm bell territory, so it's good that you have identified it and reached out. I wish you strength.
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Old 06-10-2017, 04:05 AM   #4
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First of all asking for help is a super brave thing to do. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. My father has been ill for several years now and it is one of my biggest stressors. I hope you are getting emotional support and able to talk to folks. Binges often come from feeling like you have no way to get out your feelings. So I think that is the most important. To get support and surround yourself with a loving community.

As far as weight loss, if you want to fast, fast. I think that is why people tend to lose weight with the loss of a loved one. If you want to stay low carb, possibly just increase your carb macros and have them with your evening meal. It might just bring a little comfort. Maybe you won't lose as fast but you will have more sanity. Just make sure those carb macros are whole foods/paleo friendly.

Or if low carb life is just too stressful, give yourself permission to prioritize your emotional health and be kind to yourself. Try focusing on just being healthy and good to yourself. Loss of a parent is a major event. Sometimes just pushing forward can cause more heartache (and increase food issues).

I wish you all the love and support you seek.
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Old 06-10-2017, 04:26 AM   #5
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SarahDee, I am so, so sorry to hear about your father's passing. Be kind to yourself. I don't think you should push yourself too, too hard to diet. Maybe wait a bit. Losing a parent is a huge trauma (I lost both parents) and it is hard to stick to a strict diet when you are grieving such a fresh loss.

If you feel you must get back on plan, maybe plan to eat your very favorite low carb meals each dat-- whether its eggs benedict for breakfast and a huge gorgeous salad at lunch and some yummy barbecue for dinner? I don't know your favorite low carb foods but you get the drift. Make your meals the most tasty and enjoyable so they feel like a reward, not punishment.

In the meantime, think about seeing a grief counselor. My good friend just lost her mom to pancreatic cancer and she got a lot out of seeing a therapist. She was in a lot of pain and needed to let that out.

Like the other said, I wish you love, support and healing.
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Old 06-10-2017, 04:58 AM   #6
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I really don't have much advice. I too tend to "eat my emotions". The fact that you realize what you're doing is key, in my opinion.

I just want to offer you a cyber hug.
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Old 06-10-2017, 09:57 AM   #7
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your Dad! I get it. I lost mine last November. I have the opposite reaction to stress though, I quit eating. I lost 10 pounds in 9 days during his last days.

That being said - allow yourself to grieve in your own way. Try to fill your fridge/pantry with healthy items so it's easier to make the healthy choices. If you make a choice to eat something carby, don't beat yourself up, just try to do better at the next eating time. Some counseling may be a very good thing for you during this time of transition.

Try to have realistic expectations for yourself too - realize that the ten pounds is not gonna magically go away overnight and that you have to consciously eat well to achieve your goal. You can do it - I'm rooting for you!
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Old 06-10-2017, 10:07 AM   #8
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Old 06-10-2017, 10:38 AM   #9
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All of the above.
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Old 06-10-2017, 02:51 PM   #10
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I have been on and off of the LC wagon for many years. What has helped me stay on track this time(hopefully for life) is a technique called EFT(emotional freedom training.)

A friend of mine turned me on to, but I thought it sounded so hokey that I didn't really do it. Then I came across it again. And again... I finally decided to do it even though I felt silly doing it. I am now a believer in it. I always know when I need to "tap" my negative emotions away. Google it. I firmly believe that it can help with all kinds of issues, including dealing with grief.

I'm sorry about your Dad!
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Old 06-10-2017, 04:47 PM   #11
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very sorry for the loss of your Dad. Be kind to yourself ( hugs ).
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Old 06-10-2017, 05:32 PM   #12
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First off like everyone else I'm very sorry for your loss. Such a very hard time when we lose our loved ones.
As an emotional eater myself as well as a very quick weight gain person. I can only say what doesn't work for me. Going off plan for more than a few days. No matter what the reason good, bad or very emotionally distraught if I go off for more than a week it is crazy hard to get back into it. I gain between 10 and 35. Before I can't mentally excuse myself anymore.

So my advice is to grieve and remember your father, but know he would not want to be the
reason of your weight gain. Do what it takes to stay on a plan. Whatever plan you enjoy but stay on a plan. With that said if you fall off or gain weight, forgive yourself and get back at it.
Hugs to you and I hope you have the support you need.
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Old 06-10-2017, 08:48 PM   #13
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Well, I can tell you what not to do. Don't do what I did. I was 229 lbs the day my father died. I had lost 71 lbs from half assed low carb over the course of about four years. I am 330 lbs now, maybe. I restarted last Monday and haven't weighed since.

I was prepared for my father's passing. It was not a shock. I moved in with my parents so I could be with them in his last years. I knew it was inevitable.

But, after all the hospice and the end of life decisions, it came down to a day shortly after when I visited a customer who wanted to go to a pizza place for lunch. I had been off plan for a while due to all the stuff happening, but had started back on course. I thought, "Pizza, yeah, I can make that work, I can get a salad or something.....but ick, all they are going to have is iceberg lettuce....this is going to be tough." We'll, when we walked into the place, the waitress says "Our special today is Tour of Italy: Lasagne, Manicotti, and Spaghetti." Long story short, I chose the tour and haven't really stopped touring since.

Don't do that. Do something else.

I've got a million excuses for not getting back on plan in between, (including some excusable ones) but they are just excuses. What I can tell you for sure is that you will look back and think about whatever choices you are making now. You have the power to like them......

PS: Those statistics on the left are now woefully out of date.

Last edited by Thinagain65; 06-10-2017 at 08:54 PM.. Reason: add'l info
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Old 06-11-2017, 03:13 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thinagain65 View Post
Well, I can tell you what not to do. Don't do what I did. I was 229 lbs the day my father died. I had lost 71 lbs from half assed low carb over the course of about four years. I am 330 lbs now, maybe. I restarted last Monday and haven't weighed since.

I was prepared for my father's passing. It was not a shock. I moved in with my parents so I could be with them in his last years. I knew it was inevitable.

But, after all the hospice and the end of life decisions, it came down to a day shortly after when I visited a customer who wanted to go to a pizza place for lunch. I had been off plan for a while due to all the stuff happening, but had started back on course. I thought, "Pizza, yeah, I can make that work, I can get a salad or something.....but ick, all they are going to have is iceberg lettuce....this is going to be tough." We'll, when we walked into the place, the waitress says "Our special today is Tour of Italy: Lasagne, Manicotti, and Spaghetti." Long story short, I chose the tour and haven't really stopped touring since.

Don't do that. Do something else.

I've got a million excuses for not getting back on plan in between, (including some excusable ones) but they are just excuses. What I can tell you for sure is that you will look back and think about whatever choices you are making now. You have the power to like them......

PS: Those statistics on the left are now woefully out of date.
Good luck with your new attempt. It's true that many of us can identify inflexion points, when a decent amount of weight loss was reversed by falling well and truly off the wagon. The truth, of course, is not that pizza parlour or even a few days of off-plan, it's the continuation for weeks and weeks and so on. I've certainly been there too, and it's the fear of that kind of freefall which is anything is moderating my transgressions. At least you are completely honest with yourself, and you have re-started. You've lost an amazing amount of weight in the past, and you can do it again.
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Old 06-12-2017, 06:52 PM   #15
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SarahDee, thank you for sharing your difficult circumstances. Best wishes to you in these troubled days.

Be really glad you had a good father whose passing has upset you. Treasure that and give yourself time to mourn. I'm sure he would want you to be healthy and happy, so when you're ready, get back onto the low-carb path you were enjoying. Maybe start by eliminating the most addictive carb first. I don't know your situation but you might try forcing yourself to hang out with people rather than being alone, and spending time at LowCarbFriends is good.

I can understand the impact of losing a loved one. I loved my mom very much and when she passed away, I turned to solitude and alcohol. I do not recommend that path. She was the only person in the whole world who loved me, so her passing was overwhelming. I miss her to this day - decades later - but I focus on all the happy memories she gave me and how very much I treasure all she did for me. I hope you can focus on the blessings your father was to you. Give yourself time to get back on track.
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Old 07-28-2017, 04:51 PM   #16
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Thank you so much for everyone's kind words and perspectives. It means so much and I love the wisdom I find on these boards. I've been going on and off my low carb plan this past few months (after this post I got back on, then had a month family holiday where I ate on plan for most of it, but the last week did some serious damage on a New Orleans holiday). Now I'm back home and looking to restart and recommit with everything in me. I am ready to lose what I've lost and tackle the next 10 pounds. You all have inspired me. Thank you.
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Old 07-29-2017, 04:12 AM   #17
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SarahDee....You can do it! Take one day at a time and give it your all. Be patient with yourself and the weight loss. Every day you are improving your health. That is the big picture not the little bumps along the way. Best wishes.
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Old 07-30-2017, 09:26 AM   #18
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I had almost lost all of the weight I gained after having my 2nd child and then, my father died. I was not on lowcarb, nor was there internet. So...I ate comfort food and believe me, that weight came on like nobody's business. I won't list it the foods as it wouldn't be very productive. You've been through a major life event, so, first, I would say, don't beat yourself up. But try to live with the idea that you want to wear those nice clothes you have again and when you have those moments, eat something lc that you love; something that comforts you. Whatever that thing is, that's what to eat. And give yourself time.
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Old 07-30-2017, 06:17 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cfine View Post
I have been on and off of the LC wagon for many years. What has helped me stay on track this time(hopefully for life) is a technique called EFT(emotional freedom training.)

A friend of mine turned me on to, but I thought it sounded so hokey that I didn't really do it. Then I came across it again. And again... I finally decided to do it even though I felt silly doing it. I am now a believer in it. I always know when I need to "tap" my negative emotions away. Google it. I firmly believe that it can help with all kinds of issues, including dealing with grief.

I'm sorry about your Dad!
I just googled this.. Very interesting and I would probably feel silly doing it too. But I'm at a point where I'll try just about anything to keep losing and stay committed to life.
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