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Old 04-04-2017, 12:27 PM   #1
enemysugar
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I really belive in what I'm doing, So why did I let her get to me?

I had lunch with someone today who really challenged me about this WOE. She said I am participating in this farce because I have no control over the way I eat, she said people like me have no control over their life and they think they are getting it by participating in these kinds of WOE Plans. She said, I would never have control of my weight because deep down inside I want to be Fat because it protects me from the out side world. I really thought I was strong, so why have I let this upset me so much? I respect this person so what am I missing about myself?
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Old 04-04-2017, 12:46 PM   #2
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You're not missing anything about yourself. You allowed this woman to project her views onto you.

My advice (feel free to ignore) is to NEVER talk about your way of eating with anyone. You'll have a lot more peace that way.

I've been eating very low carb for over a decade now (8+ years maintaining my loss), and I've been out to eat with friends often--and never, ever mentioned how I eat, nor have I been involved in any discussions about my weight loss or how I achieved it. If anyone brings it up, I answer briefly and immediately change the subject.

As a subject, 'diet' is like politics and religion. You don't want to go there.
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Old 04-04-2017, 12:47 PM   #3
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You may respect her, but she doesn't seem to respect you.
Don't let it upset you.
Whatever the reason she said that, it probably has nothing to do with you and has to do with her own issues.
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Old 04-04-2017, 12:57 PM   #4
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Wow - that's really harsh and mean spirited - to belittle someone who is working to get healthy. I agree with Dottie - this person doesn't respect you. Who made her such an expert on weight loss?! It's such an individual and personal matter -- I encourage everyone to do what works for them. Friends and family often ask what I do to stay fit, and when I tell them, if they want to argue or start with "but I can't LIVE without bread (or pasta, or cake)..." Then I just shut up about it.
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Old 04-04-2017, 01:05 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dottie View Post
You may respect her, but she doesn't seem to respect you.
Don't let it upset you.
Whatever the reason she said that, it probably has nothing to do with you and has to do with her own issues.
Agree. This person's demeaning way of talking to you/about the subject sounds more like something in them got triggered to cause such a response.
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Old 04-04-2017, 01:07 PM   #6
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FWIW, if it happens again: "Thank you for your concern, but this is not up for discussion" and change the subject.
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Old 04-04-2017, 01:13 PM   #7
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Yikes! Unless this person is your mother, she seems to not have appropriate boundaries when it comes to your business. And even if she IS your mother, I'd tell her to back off and that there will be no further discussion of your lifestyle or choices in what you eat or don't eat.

Boy that would have frosted my 'taters, and in fact, they're frosted FOR YOU!

Agree with don't discuss it with other people unless you KNOW they eat the same way you do. Not worth feeling like you have to defend yourself.
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Old 04-04-2017, 01:24 PM   #8
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I just joined, but reading through your post felt that I had to say something. First, I really am saddened to hear about your friend's heavy-handed attempt at giving support to someone. I would have gone red in the face, and stormed out of the room. Science is finally catching up, and opinions are changing on the low carb diet. Next, reading books and listening to lectures I have seen the common theme that we are overweight because we are sensitive to carbs, in the same way that some people cannot tolerate gluten, and other people cannot tolerate lactose (milk).

People who respond to low carb, and can finally get their endocrine system to actually use the fat as fuel, instead of stored energy, are very sensitive to carbs, and should not eat any.

I think of this sensitivity as a kind of "allergy" but on a mega scale.

For your friend to say that your behavior is the reason you are overweight, Is blaming the victim (in my mind).
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Old 04-04-2017, 01:49 PM   #9
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Wow. You respect this person? She has no clue. So what if you have "no control over what you eat" ... neither does half the country. One great benefit from this WOE is to regain that control by eliminating the foods that play havoc with body chemistry and mental chemistry. In my experience, non-obese people (including doctors) have no qualification to lecture obese people on how to lose weight. What works for one person might not work for another.

Unfortunately, when you discuss low-carbing with a non-practioner, it's so antithetical to what their lifetime received wisdom that it's a red flag to a bull. If you want to shut the conversation down, you can just say sugar is poison, and that you don't eat poison.

It could also be that your friend isn't really focused on your WOE but using it as a pretext to discuss deeper (life) issues you may have. That's a different debate, and it may or may not be upsetting. The point is that there is nothing wrong with your WOE, it works for you and many others, stick with it as it's just about food management.
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Old 04-04-2017, 01:58 PM   #10
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By getting healthy and being in control, you are changing the perception this person have of you. She doesn't see you as a healthier person, she doesn't see you fit and "snatched", she doesn't see you with the increased confidence that comes along with your journey. She is comfortable with you remaining as you were, in her mind.

Last edited by Rosebud; 04-04-2017 at 02:01 PM..
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Old 04-04-2017, 01:59 PM   #11
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What a bunch of psycho-babble.

Let me guess, she isn't overweight, right? Some people that aren't overweight like to think it is their outstanding character and self-control that keep them thin. That allows them to feel superior to those that are heavy.

Well, I am not lactose intolerant. What if I said people who are lactose intolerant have no control over their lives and secretly want to have a stomach ache to avoid social situations. If they avoid dairy it is because they are avoiding their problems and are in denial. I can eat all the cheese I want with no ill effect because I have self control and am a superior person, so everyone should be able to eat dairy.

See how dumb that is?
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Old 04-04-2017, 02:11 PM   #12
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THANK YOU ALL!!

Thank You all for your support, I guess I needed somewhere to run to, I cried for an hour(cause she hurt my feelings) then I prayed for a while(cause I asked for guidance from my maker before I started this WOE) then I had 3 Shots of Tequila and a Guinness, and I got Mad, I got Mad at me. Mad because I let her get to me. I guess it was weakness because I've always been the fat kid, the fat wife, the fat mother, and then to have someone I respect say, That's What your always going to be, it just unnerved me. I will never speak again about my WOE. I have found something that works for me and I won't turn back.
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Old 04-04-2017, 02:18 PM   #13
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I would have asked them so many questions they'd give up.
Like for example, are you saying this WOE isn't going to work. Or that it is good, but I wont follow it ???

Drill down further and ask them how they would suggest you should eat ? and then analyze that with what we know of insulin etc etc.

Most people think grazing and low calorie small meals and balanced diet is the way to go, usually. That is so easy to analyze and find the problems with.

Thanks.
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Old 04-04-2017, 02:46 PM   #14
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enemysugar - I just looked at your stats again ... You've lost 50 pounds since January 25 - that is AMAZING and an accomplishment to be proud of! You keep doing what you're doing and surround yourself with supportive friends and family.
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Old 04-04-2017, 03:07 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leo41 View Post
You're not missing anything about yourself. You allowed this woman to project her views onto you.

My advice (feel free to ignore) is to NEVER talk about your way of eating with anyone. You'll have a lot more peace that way.

I've been eating very low carb for over a decade now (8+ years maintaining my loss), and I've been out to eat with friends often--and never, ever mentioned how I eat, nor have I been involved in any discussions about my weight loss or how I achieved it. If anyone brings it up, I answer briefly and immediately change the subject.

As a subject, 'diet' is like politics and religion. You don't want to go there.
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Old 04-04-2017, 04:19 PM   #16
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A person who would talk to you that way is just trying to make herself feel superior, and not worth your time or tears. You are doing GREAT!! Just ignore the naysayers and picture her speechless when you have lost 100 lbs. and are gorgeous.
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Old 04-04-2017, 05:55 PM   #17
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Enemysugar I know how devoted and hard your working to improve your health. I am very proud of you and I'm sure your love ones are as well. But the most important thing is for you to be proud of yourself and improving your health for yourself. Remember what you told me about walking on the beach watching the sunrise. Believe in yourself you can do anything you set your mind to...
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Old 04-05-2017, 05:21 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dottie View Post
FWIW, if it happens again: "Thank you for your concern, but this is not up for discussion" and change the subject.

Last edited by Koala; 04-05-2017 at 05:21 AM.. Reason: syntax
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Old 04-05-2017, 05:36 AM   #19
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I looked at your stats as well, and agree you are doing amazing.
She sounds toxic and has no control of what comes out of her mouth,
Honestly when I read your post, my first thoughts were she sounds insecure and possibly jealous. What is she afraid of, by you losing weight and improving your health?
Her strong reaction is a sign of her issues, not yours. For me, after the hurt, it would be fuel to my fire to keep going.
Obviously none of us can tell you to cut her out of your life, but there is a reason she doesn't want you to succeed. Sometimes you have to at least limit contact with toxic people.
You have tons of support and cheerleaders here! Keep on doing what works for you and the results will speak for themselves.
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Old 04-05-2017, 05:58 AM   #20
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I'm so greatful to all of you!!!

Your kindness and comments have rallied me around. I am going to take the advise and limit my contact with her. I think it's best. I'm ashamed of myself for letting her get to me. I'm going to press on today, she's wrong about me and this WOE. I cannot tell all of you how much your comments meant to me.
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Old 04-05-2017, 06:10 AM   #21
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Opposite

Quote:
Originally Posted by enemysugar View Post
Your kindness and comments have rallied me around. I am going to take the advise and limit my contact with her. I think it's best. I'm ashamed of myself for letting her get to me. I'm going to press on today, she's wrong about me and this WOE. I cannot tell all of you how much your comments meant to me.
Maybe its just me, but I've got a few colleagues who do this to me, and I actually do the opposite. Of course they are new colleagues of mine, I have only known them really since Aug 2016, but in a way you're where I was maybe in Dec or so, when suddenly I was 60 lb down.

Thanks.
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Old 04-05-2017, 06:19 AM   #22
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Don't feel ashamed! I would have cried and been hurt at first. She said some very hurtful things and for whatever reason was trying to upset you.
Sometimes those that speak so loudly are not worth hearing.
You know the old saying, opinions are like...... everyone has one, but does not mean their right or pretty.
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Old 04-05-2017, 06:56 AM   #23
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Enemysugar...keep your spirits and motivation up! You are doing amazing....
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Old 04-05-2017, 07:21 AM   #24
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She is toxic! I know you said you respect her, but I wonder why. That little diatribe would cause me to lose all respect - don't care who it came from.
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Old 04-05-2017, 08:22 AM   #25
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Wow... I am absolutely shocked that someone would feel it was acceptable to say that to anyone else. Keep up what you're doing. While this may not be another person's choice of diet, it works for those of us who chose to eat this way.
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Old 04-05-2017, 08:59 AM   #26
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She is toxic. Drop her like a "hot potato". LOL
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Old 04-05-2017, 09:14 AM   #27
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Yes you are doing great...i would of said "hey its working for me"...keep up the good work..
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Old 04-05-2017, 09:51 AM   #28
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Geez, that was extremely mean spirited! Like others, I'm surprised to hear you say you respect her. She was intentionally being hurtful to you.

Having read that you've lost 50 pounds, it makes me think that she's responding to your success. "Crabs in a bucket" mentality. I think that she feels threatened by your weight loss for whatever reason.

You're doing wonderfully.
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:39 AM   #29
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Just keep doing what you are doing and that is all that matters, hard to believe anyone would say those words to anyone trying to better themselves. Keep at it and you will be happy!
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Old 04-05-2017, 10:57 AM   #30
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Enemy Sugar, you are rocking you plan and doing so well. I would love to see that "friend's" face when she seems you looking even more fabulous in a few months. Success is the best revenge (not that I'm advocating vindictive behavior) but you WILL succeed that lady is in for a real comeuppance. Just sayin'
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