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Old 03-31-2017, 09:27 AM   #1
Bbarb
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Must be the time of year .....

..... because this makes ME mad!
We live in a 'tourist' area of the UK and often have friends to stay, especially at bank holiday time. Husband has invited some acquaintances to stay over Easter (which is fine, we're geared up for it as its been going on for years) but they have emailed me to say they follow a 'meat and salad regime' and hubby doesn't like tomatoes, chicken, cheese or eggs!
Although I do usually give my guests breakfast and an evening meal I find it rather assumptive that they expect me to cater for their diet as they are not close friends by any means. Apart from them expecting free board and lodging I rather rely on chicken, tomatoes and cheese in my recipes and have a nice turkey in the freezer bought especially for Easter.
I don't know why I'm getting so cross about this, but its really got to me this time.
OK, its only 4 days and I can easily cook chops, steak(!), fish etc and prepare salads in little bowls so they can pick - - - but my brain keeps saying 'why should I be expected to do this?'
Any suggestions other than go off on my own for a little holiday somewhere else and leave them to it.
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Old 03-31-2017, 10:35 AM   #2
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Any suggestions other than go off on my own for a little holiday somewhere else and leave them to it.
I like this idea. I threaten it almost every year at Christmas and Thanksgiving.

I understand your frustration completely. I do all the cooking and prepping for every meal in my house and the fancy holiday meals when in-laws visit drive me crazy. My MIL only wants to eat certain things, but does nothing to contribute. Makes me want to tell everyone I'm going out and they get frozen dinners. But each time, I suck it up and cook what other people want. So I'm probably the last person with good advice.
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Old 03-31-2017, 11:23 AM   #3
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Perhaps they were just politely warning you about their diet. It would tick me off if I cooked and wasn't warned about what couldn't be eaten. Just think of the food that may get wasted.

But I agree, run away!
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Old 03-31-2017, 11:36 AM   #4
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Just a bit of a moan/rant from me really. I think its the fact that I feel taken for granted, yes it would have been annoying if I'd defrosted and cooked that large turkey and prepared a lovely low carb meal, only for it to go to waste. I usually do celeriac mash with home made stuffing, red current jelly and lots of vegs which takes some time. This meal can easily stretch to satisfy a large family and there's plenty left for salads, so I was expecting catering to be easy.
I'm feeling badly-done-to and put upon I suppose. Its not BBQ weather here just yet or I'd have sent hubby outside to cook for his friends. Just sounding off folks! I get like this sometimes.
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Old 03-31-2017, 11:57 AM   #5
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I would email them back and say that while you are happy for them to stay with you, they will be on their own for their meals except for breakfast which you will be happy to provide. Even when I visit close family I figure out a lot of my food specifics. If they don't like it they can always make other arrangements.
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Old 03-31-2017, 01:31 PM   #6
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I like Sammie's answer....
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Old 03-31-2017, 04:04 PM   #7
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Do they reciprocate, do you go to their house yearly as well? If not, time to tell them you have other plans, none of their business that your plan is to stay home and binge watch old movies! . You really don't have to do this, especially since they are not even close friends!!
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Old 03-31-2017, 04:07 PM   #8
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Ps, do they ever offer to split the grocery bill or take you out to dinner?


If not, dump these freeloaders asap!
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Old 03-31-2017, 04:15 PM   #9
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I would never have guests and not make sure they were comfortable and had what they needed. I don't see how if you are lowcarbing that it is any different cooking for them. Roast and chicken and make broccoli or a salad. It is not like they are asking for the moon.

Dh invited them so I would absolutely take care of them.
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Old 03-31-2017, 05:37 PM   #10
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I would never have guests and not make sure they were comfortable and had what they needed. I don't see how if you are lowcarbing that it is any different cooking for them. Roast and chicken and make broccoli or a salad. It is not like they are asking for the moon.

Dh invited them so I would absolutely take care of them.
They specifically requested no chicken.
Quote:
but they have emailed me to say they follow a 'meat and salad regime' and hubby doesn't like tomatoes, chicken, cheese or eggs!
And that is what Barb likes to cook! I think it takes a lot of balls to demand that and is rather rude especially because they are not close friends. Seems like they are using you for your proximity to the tourist locations.

Barb also said...."my brain keeps saying 'why should I be expected to do this?" You shouldn't be expected to do all that, no way, no how! But Barb, people will walk all over you if you let them unfortunately and these people are like that. Time to stop this--have a heart to heart talk with your husband and tell him this is the last year of this!
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Old 04-01-2017, 06:45 AM   #11
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I would email them back and say that while you are happy for them to stay with you, they will be on their own for their meals except for breakfast which you will be happy to provide. Even when I visit close family I figure out a lot of my food specifics. If they don't like it they can always make other arrangements.


I would tell them this ^, except I wouldn't even bother with breakfast. Tell them they are on their own for meals or that considering their food restrictions, maybe they would be more comfortable in a hotel since you are not a short order cook and already have your holiday meal planned.

Wow, the audacity of some people, just amazes me.
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Old 04-01-2017, 07:20 AM   #12
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I agree that I wouldn't indulge these people. It is not reasonable and if you are worried about preserving the friendship, this type of experience will only work negatively. Cut them off at the pass!!!
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Old 04-01-2017, 07:26 AM   #13
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They specifically requested no chicken. And that is what Barb likes to cook! I think it takes a lot of balls to demand that and is rather rude especially because they are not close friends. Seems like they are using you for your proximity to the tourist locations.

Barb also said...."my brain keeps saying 'why should I be expected to do this?" You shouldn't be expected to do all that, no way, no how! But Barb, people will walk all over you if you let them unfortunately and these people are like that. Time to stop this--have a heart to heart talk with your husband and tell him this is the last year of this!
Sorry, I would still be cooking for them and just make things that work for me in their guidelines. If they are dieting, help them. If it was you wouldn't you want to be able to eat on plan and stick to it and not have to push around potatoes on your plate?

I don't know.. I feel like this is an easy thing.
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Old 04-01-2017, 07:44 AM   #14
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Maybe the real issue is they stay at your house every year and to you they aren't close friends it's more important to your husband. Personally I don't think it's about accomocdating guests dietary issues. That just happens to be the last straw to you. Maybe I'm reading between the lines but I don't think you really want these people staying with you every year.
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Old 04-01-2017, 08:19 AM   #15
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Maybe the real issue is they stay at your house every year and to you they aren't close friends it's more important to your husband. Personally I don't think it's about accomocdating guests dietary issues. That just happens to be the last straw to you. Maybe I'm reading between the lines but I don't think you really want these people staying with you every year.
this.
Maybe talk to dh and have him help grill while they are here to help out.. Explain that you don't really like when they come.
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Old 04-01-2017, 09:10 AM   #16
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To me my home is my sanctuary. I don't invite anyone into it for 1 hour or an extended period of time that I don't want to. If I can not welcome people and be a gracious host which includes accomocdating any needs I simply don't invite them. But then again I have a few people that I consider close friends enough to invite into my home. But that's the way I live my life, i don't expect others to do the same.
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Old 04-01-2017, 10:31 AM   #17
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Per the OP:

"Husband has invited some acquaintances to stay over Easter (which is fine, we're geared up for it as its been going on for years) but they have emailed me to say they follow a 'meat and salad regime' and hubby doesn't like tomatoes, chicken, cheese or eggs!"

So I'm a bit confused - are they just acquaintances, or are they good friends?

If acquaintances, I think I'd email them back and let them know that they are welcome to stay at your house but they're on their own for meals. If they're good friends, I think I'd suck it up this time and then simply not extend the invitation again, or if they're REALLY good friends, let them know, nicely, that you don't have the time/resources to accommodate their dietary needs so they are welcome to bring their own foods to your house and they can use your kitchen to prepare them.

I hate houseguests, I truly do. I always feel "put out" when there are people here, because it wrecks my normally quiet and peaceful existence and as much as I love to cook, I don't love cooking three meals a day for multiple people, AND I also don't really appreciate taking them out to eat and usually picking up the tab for it. But I'm a grumpy old lady these days so don't take my rant for anything more than a rant!
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Old 04-01-2017, 10:59 AM   #18
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Seriously, an "open house, everyone welcome to use me as your free vacation hotel" policy would not work for me. If I were you, I'd change that to a "welcome only if I invite you" policy.

And, honestly, your future guests seem to think you will be cooking for them (I assume you have done this for others previously) and, while their wording might not have been the best, they were attempting to be helpful by informing you of their dietary restrictions. As already mentioned, how would you feel if you cooked a big meal for them only to learn they don't eat anything you worked so hard on for them?

If you don't normally cook for company you don't know well, just let them know what will and won't be provided.

I don't even want people I know and love invading my space overnight. I can't understand allowing mere acquaintances to do so.
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:08 AM   #19
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Honestly I think them expecting to treat your generosity as if you're a hotel is beyond rude.
If your DH invited them, take your holiday and let him deal with it.
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:14 AM   #20
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I am with Charski! Houseguests stink after an afternoon in my honest opinion! I too am a grumpy old lady!
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:24 AM   #21
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That is exactly what I was trying to say be it 1 hour or days there are very few people I welcome in my home. I live in Phoenix but I am from the mid west. Do you know how many people want to visit here in the winter and spring. I've been wearing shorts for over a month.
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Old 04-01-2017, 11:55 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DiamondDeb View Post
"open house, everyone welcome to use me as your free vacation hotel"
My sister.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DiamondDeb View Post
"welcome only if I invite you" policy.
Me.

I'm with the rest of you. As my later mother would say "that is a uhn-uhn and a no-no too."
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Old 04-01-2017, 02:42 PM   #23
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Just to continue adding to the conversation..

I think it's also up to guests to be accommodating. This is not a hotel, regardless of how close a relationship host and guest share. If the guest have special wants and needs, that should be their responsibility to fulfill. I've also never stayed with friends (or whatever you want to call them) without reciprocating by taking my host out to a very nice meal.
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Old 04-01-2017, 04:27 PM   #24
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Just to continue adding to the conversation..

I think it's also up to guests to be accommodating. This is not a hotel, regardless of how close a relationship host and guest share. If the guest have special wants and needs, that should be their responsibility to fulfill. I've also never stayed with friends (or whatever you want to call them) without reciprocating by taking my host out to a very nice meal.
This, although any more we do NOT stay with anyone - we stay in a motel or hotel - we like our own space and our own schedule and we don't like to disrupt anyone else's.

Reminds me of a houseguest we once had. She was someone DH had known through work. She moved away but was coming back here and asked if she could stay "a couple nights" - DH said, sure. And she did. She stayed about 3 nights, then went someplace else for a week, then came back and stayed 3 more nights! On top of THAT, she wanted to take us out to dinner - my stepson was about 14 then. When the three of us were ready to go, she said, "Oh, I didn't know your son was going too!" To which I retorted, before I could stop my mouth, "Well, yes, he actually likes to eat too." Needless to say she was never invited back again and now, really, the only guests we have are stepson and his wife - unfortunately they live quite far from us so they stay one to two WEEKS!
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Old 04-01-2017, 04:40 PM   #25
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I live in Va. Beach, VA. so I feel your pain. A couple of years ago I made a list of Great Restaurants in the area and the menu and prices and sent it to the folks that want to stay with us every year. I explained that since we were providing free room and board, they could choose the restaurant of there choice to take us to dinner at. I said It's a Win Win, situation for all of us. Guess how many " Friends " sent an RSVP. A true friend will never take advantage of you but a Mooch will Mooch until you stop them.
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Old 04-01-2017, 04:47 PM   #26
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Have to admit to Char's thinking and others too.
Acquaintances ABSO NO NO NO, NOT EVEN ONE NIGHT
(of course I realize by now, they are more than that, they are pests)
Family, only when necessary and 3 days is really stretching it.
Now this is family that we get along with. The other ones we just don't see
at all, thus, no problem.

Our son (my step-son) is coming here in April or May. He is bringing his bride
of two years to meet us. I am really happy about the visit of three days.
Here's the deal maker. They are staying at a local hotel, and that means that
I can invite daughter number 1 to the party as she will stay with me.
We will dine out for any meals that we enjoy together as I'm not able to properly
entertain. It should be a fun gathering. No stress. No cooking, no fussing about beds,
sheets, food, etc. etc.

Well if this makes me Gr Ol Ldy then so be it.
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Old 04-03-2017, 04:31 PM   #27
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I agree with Charski....I can be the mayor of grumpy town....
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Old 04-06-2017, 08:11 AM   #28
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I'm late chiming in here, but I might tell them what you have planned for Easter dinner (if you still intend to cook it) and suggest to them that if that won't work for them, they might want to pick up a few things at a local grocery.
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Old 04-06-2017, 08:37 AM   #29
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I'm late chiming in here, but I might tell them what you have planned for Easter dinner (if you still intend to cook it) and suggest to them that if that won't work for them, they might want to pick up a few things at a local grocery.
I would do something along these lines.

Reply to the e-mail something like, "Good to know. I do cook with X, Y, & Z, but there is a market nearby. Feel free to use the kitchen to prepare anything special you would like.
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Old 04-06-2017, 10:31 AM   #30
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I'm late chiming in here, but I might tell them what you have planned for Easter dinner (if you still intend to cook it) and suggest to them that if that won't work for them, they might want to pick up a few things at a local grocery.
Yep ! Perfect !
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