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Old 01-18-2013, 02:09 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Lucy1018 View Post
The frightening thing about my depression is that it does not always respond to medication. I have been on about six different antidepressants since 2002. The one I'm on seems to be working fairly well, but I think that's because I've added significant exercise and changed my diet. Still, I have bouts of depression that affect me significantly and I seem to be having one now. I see a psychiatrist regularly (once a month). I think it's possible that I may have some form of bipolar disorder or that I would benefit from a mood stabilizer, but after taking my psychological profile, the doctor feels that my problems stem from major depression and that we should try that route first. I also have a learning disorder, so sometimes these things compound each other, and that is when I am most vulnerable to thoughts about death and suicide. So, I'm already "on edge" because of depression, then I get lost in my house, loose something (which happens several times a day) or struggle with an academic assignment, and that makes me so angry that I fantasize about dying. (I don't really think that dying would be a good solution and I'm not planning to hurt myself, but those are the thoughts that go through my head, which is scary.)

Usually exercise works as an anti-depressant, but sometimes I get so down that it's hard to do it. I've also noticed that its ameliorating affects are only significant if I exercise excessively, for more than an hour a day. This concerns me, as I obviously don't have the time to do that when I'm in school/working.
I'm so glad to hear you are working on it with your psychiatrist.

From my experience I tend to try and gloss over the depression symptoms when expressing them verbally. I keep telling myself "it's not as bad as I think, it will be better tomorrow and I don't want to get anyone all worried about me." Meanwhile I can hardly keep up the struggle inside.

My current cocktail of antidepressants/mood stabilizer has started to not work as good as it used to so I'm having to see the PDoc every 4 weeks to try a new combination until it's right. It was really hard to go through the list and say "yes" to the "have you been down?" "do you have feelings of worthlessness?" questions.

So, I have a new combination of pills to take and one new pill to add to the mix and I hope this will be the winner. If not, we'll try again next month.

BTW, I was at first diagnosed as major depressive disorder and the Pdoc I was seeing at the time kept upping the dosage of my antidepressant until it was WAY pass the recommended dosage. Thank God my pharmacist noticed and said something to me about it. It's a long story, but the short version is that it kicked off a year long serious manic episode and after that there was no denying I was bi-polar and had been bi-polar all the time. Finally found a great Pdoc and we've worked really hard to keep me "normal" ever since.
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