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Old 01-03-2013, 06:07 AM   #1
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Piece of cake at book club....



Last night was my book club. It's very laid back, only a few people, and it's always hosted at my friend's house. She always makes one thing like brownies or cake, and serves water. But I had a plan.

Had! I thought, "I'll eat before I go. Then when I get there I'll just tell her I'm still full from dinner. I won't eat there but I'll ask for a piece or two of whatever she made to take home. That way she won't feel hurt that I didn't eat, and I can just give the whatever to my kids to share when I get home."

Unfortunately, it didn't happen that way. I got there, she offered cake, I said I'm still full from dinner. So far, so good. Then about halfway through the night she got up and said, "I'll go cut the cake." When she came back, she had servings of cake on little plates and handed me one.

I felt really uncomfortable and didn't want to offend. I guess I should have just said in the beginning that I'm not eating sugar or something. But I feel uncomfortable letting people know that, partly because my husband has been underemployed for almost 3 years--I just don't want to be judged for spending the money. It's also because of the book club being so small (4 people). I could've not eaten cake and pretty invisible in a bigger book club. Oh well.

Anyway, it felt so weird to eat cake! I am still in ketosis this morning, so I guess I didn't ruin it.

Well, thanks for reading this novel! I guess the lesson here is to be better prepared.
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Old 01-03-2013, 07:24 AM   #2
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I've become the queen of turning down food! Once you start, you get on a roll. Just keep in mind that you're doing this for yourself. Your hostess most likely cares way more about your health and personal success than whether or not you eat her cake. I'm in a few book clubs, too (can you guess from my name?), and at our first get-together after I joined Medi, I just told my pals that my doctor had really cracked down on me at my last checkup (true!), and I'm trying a low-carb diet for now. I told them I'm really ready to get this weight off once and for all. They all understand when I pass on desserts and alcohol and are proud of me, too!

You don't have to let people know how much money you're spending or even which program you're following--just that you're making big changes to take care of yourself. You'll get really good at "no, thanks!" when sweets are offered. Blame it on your doctor! S/he doesn't mind.

Way to go, Cricketleg! You are going to do so well with Medi!
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Old 01-03-2013, 08:03 AM   #3
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If you offered meat to a vegetarian, or if you offered a non-kosher plate to someone who kept kosher and they turned you down, would you be offended? Of course not. You would understand it's their lifestyle choice. They have chosen a way to eat and the food you offered doesn't fit into that plan.

Cake (and other high-carb foods) is that food for you now; it doesn't fit into your plan. So just be direct and tell them that. I always tell people, "I'm not a diet, I just don't eat that anymore." And I have zero guilt for it.
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Old 01-03-2013, 02:27 PM   #4
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I'm a big believer in privacy even amongst family and friends. I always remind myself that just because someone asks you a question does not mean you have to answer.

I have found that a simple "No Thank You" works well.

If friends persist by asking details I usually add, looks lovely but no thank you.

When people press for the "why not?" I think it says more about them especially after a gracious "no thank you".

You bring up a great debacle for so many of us that feel as if we have to explain or provide details.

We really don't have to at all.

Discover the power of "no thank you"
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Old 01-03-2013, 07:37 PM   #5
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I've been amazed at how many of my "friends" don't take no for an answer when they try to shove brownies in my face. They really are just very comfortable with me being heavy, and they don't like change. It's a crazy phenomenon and you'll really notice it once the weight starts falling off--which it will! So, the one trick that worked for me when someone would offer me a treat was to say, "No thanks...Doctor's orders." And they would just kind of shut up and leave me alone. Nobody wants to pry into a "medical issue." They don't want to support me if I'm trying look and feel better, but if they think I might have a "medical problem," then they're okay with my refusal. Crazy!!!
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Old 01-03-2013, 08:26 PM   #6
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There have been times when I've actually considered telling people I was diabetic, because it would be easier. But like NCBookworm said, once you do it, it becomes easier. I think we probably feel weirder about it than it actually is for the other people. I've gotten very good at the pleasant sing-song, "No thank you!". And believe me, it's way easier if you don't give in, even a little. At least it is for me. One nibble would be all it would take to turn me into Cookie Monster. COOOKKKKIESSSS!
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Old 01-04-2013, 11:11 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chocolatefan View Post
I've been amazed at how many of my "friends" don't take no for an answer when they try to shove brownies in my face. They really are just very comfortable with me being heavy, and they don't like change. It's a crazy phenomenon and you'll really notice it once the weight starts falling off--which it will! So, the one trick that worked for me when someone would offer me a treat was to say, "No thanks...Doctor's orders." And they would just kind of shut up and leave me alone. Nobody wants to pry into a "medical issue." They don't want to support me if I'm trying look and feel better, but if they think I might have a "medical problem," then they're okay with my refusal. Crazy!!!
That's true! I'll just blame the doctor! I did get my bloodwork results today and, no surprise, am prediabetic. So I feel more comfortable saying no now.

And it's not that she would have been mad. She's a good friend. I just thought it might hurt her feelings. She just, I don't know, she really wants the night to be nice so she makes something for us. Next time I'll be ready. I'll probably let her know in advance. Then, at book club, I won't have a problem if someone asks me why I'm not eating. I don't really care if they know that I'm cutting back. I just didn't want to hurt my hostess's feelings.

It was a good lesson in being prepared and in being intentional about what I'm doing.
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Old 01-04-2013, 11:36 AM   #8
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Another good thing to do is bring your own healthy treats, like vegetables or fruit. I never expect people to cater to my dietary needs, so I try to come prepared. But you'll be surprised, once people see how dedicated you are, how hard they will try to have something just for you. Every time I go to a friend's house these days, or we have something at work, people are always asking if I can eat this or that, because they want to have something there that I can eat. I tell them not to trouble themselves, but people just want to be helpful and be a good hostess. :-)
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Old 01-04-2013, 05:28 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cricketleg View Post
That's true! I'll just blame the doctor! I did get my bloodwork results today and, no surprise, am prediabetic. So I feel more comfortable saying no now.

And it's not that she would have been mad. She's a good friend. I just thought it might hurt her feelings. She just, I don't know, she really wants the night to be nice so she makes something for us. Next time I'll be ready. I'll probably let her know in advance. Then, at book club, I won't have a problem if someone asks me why I'm not eating. I don't really care if they know that I'm cutting back. I just didn't want to hurt my hostess's feelings.

It was a good lesson in being prepared and in being intentional about what I'm doing.
Sounds like you have it under control! And most of us here probably got some disturbing labs back--or blood pressure was creeping up (in my case). It's why we decided to make a change and take care of ourselves. I'm glad I came here tonight. Husband's office sent home a box of treats: S'more popcorn, honey roasted peanuts, cookies, etc... He didn't know what was in the box! So, now I have that in my kitchen. But after seeing your post and others, I think I can make it through the night!!
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Old 01-05-2013, 01:29 PM   #10
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Learning how to say "No thank you" is just as important as adjusting to your new WOE. Actually, it is a part of it. I learned early on that saying no thank you was a better option than making any kind of excuse or even trying to explain.And after a while, my friends learned that when I said "No thank you", I really meant it. It really is a part of your adjusting to the journey you have embarked upon. And it will help you reach you goal as you become comfortable with it.


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