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-   -   Why did I gain in the first place?? (http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/medi-weightloss/712370-why-did-i-gain-first-place.html)

cheftrish 03-04-2011 11:19 PM

Why did I gain in the first place??
 
Sooo....I have been on this journey before, losing, then being super healthy for around 5 years, then hitting a rough spot and losing "control" and gaining. This time losing I have also lost my mother and a lot of emotions have been coming up that I was not expecting...part of my recent weight gain was due in part to grief over losing my mom who I was very close to, but I was gaining before that. When I am in a good place and something throws me I can make the good choices and eat right and still execise. But when I am in a bad place, like recently, I just EAT!! And then I feel bad and feel I have to apologize to EVERYONE for my behavior. It doesn't come out as "gosh I'm sorry I ate all the ho-ho's" but more like..."I'm sorry I'm alive and am bothering you for existing on this planet.... " Does anyone know what I mean? Like I have to apologize for existing because I'm overweight, and I put myself down because??? Why????. What is wrong with me?? WHY???!! Am I the only one with these crazy/lousy self-esteem issues?

Anyway, I have decided...."It's NOT ME! It's YOU!!!" ! I think as others have posted on other threads, we all have to deal with previous conceptions (misconceptions) with how we were . I want to know why??? Why did we ALLOW that?? Why didn't I speak up for myself?What can I/we ( if you suffer from low self esteem) do to change it??


Anyone else wondering what is at the root of the gain? Maybe there is another thread, and if so I would like to know and I will join. But right now I just need to know...am I alone???

cheftrish 03-04-2011 11:21 PM

And I mean not "you" reading this, but "you" who I have allowed to tell me who I am...am I making sense?

chocolatefan 03-05-2011 07:02 AM

I know exactly what you mean... :) I think part of this journey must involve our reflecting on what got us here, and your post does that beautifully. I think it's horrible that we are so hard on ourselves (especially when I look at your stats and you are ALREADY at my GOAL weight! :notwrthy:) So, it's just too bad that we beat ourselves up.

I know this might not seem like a very deep response to why I think I eat too much, but I have to say that part of it--for me--really is that I just love food. It's part of how I express my love for my family. We bake together, love looking at great menus for the holidays, etc. I READ cookbooks. I love the Food Network and seeing all of the creative ways to make dishes. I love to taste good food. Look at my screen name. There are certain things I look forward to every fall: Pumpkin pie, apple crisp, chili and cornbread. In the summer, it's great ice cream treats. My husband who is also trying to be healthy (and who is a doctor) says that tasting good food really is part of life. It's a part of being human--we have a physiological response to great tastes, so that's what makes it so difficult to give up. Now...there might (and probably is) a deeper, psychological reason for why FOOD sometimes is a symbol of love for me, but I don't know what that is. I know I remember feeling warm and loved when my great-grandmother made her peach-cobbler. Maybe I'm looking for that and trying to pass that on to my own kids. I don't know. I just know that I love to eat and to cook tasty food.

So my challenge is learning how to make HEALTHY foods to be as satisfying as those I grew up loving and that I still long to make. My challenge will be to learn how to eat the really, REALLY crazy-tasty, sinful treats only ONCE in a while, and not every night. I have been out of control and I know it. I can see rolls of flab and still pop a bowl of popcorn and add butter. And like you, I'll beat myself up about it. I'll be up at night worrying about having high blood pressure or diabetes, and STILL have a slice of pie. Am I looking for security, safety, with each bite of nachos? Probably so. I have to say that since I've joined Medi, I have LOVED knowing that I'm on the path to good health and that I'll be around longer for my kids. I feel so much lighter after losing the first 16 pounds. I said it in another post--people on their deathbeds want only one thing: More time. They don't want another Twinkie.

As you can see, you are SO not alone in your struggle.

Mary T8M 03-05-2011 03:42 PM

NOOOO You're NOT alone! I've got more baggage than American Tourister! I won't even go WAY back but I will tell you that right before my Mom died I had lost a TON of weight, and then she died and I was so broken hearted, I put it back on in a heart beat......AND didn't even KNOW it! I was in Nursing school at the time....married with 2 little kids, and on graduation day, my Sister-In-Law took me aside to "gently" tell me that there was no way on God's Green Earth that I was going to fit into the white uniform I had planned on wearing for the ceremony. She then took me out shopping. I started out trying on size 11 uniforms, and ended up buying an ugly size 18W.........I was mortified!

My kids have grown to adults knowing either a FAT Mom, or a DIETING Mom, or a FAT DIETING Mom......no wonder they rolled their eyes when I started Medi!

I also LOVE, Love, love food. I love reading cookbooks, I love cooking and baking, watching TV about food, etc, etc. ALL of our social gatherings revolved around food. BUT I finally "get it" My REAL love was doing all of these things in order to have the love from, or to please my family and friends......now I'm learning (and it sure is a PROCESS) that they already love me! They don't NEED all the food, (cookies, sweets, comfort foods) they NEED/LOVE me! Now don't get me wrong, I still bake and cook....in fact I'm making a fancy dessert to take to my friends for their Anniversary tonight.......I'm NOT eating it, but I sure did enjoy making it, and I'll really enjoy hearing who much THEY liked it! For the most part I eat because I'm hungry, and I make good choices......NOT perfect always, but good. I CAN go out with friends and stay on plan and enjoy my friends....PERIOD! I KNOW in my heart this is my WOE for life (Not what I'm doing in this acute phase, but what I'll learn to do in Maintenance) I'll NEVER go back to the person I used to be. I'm MUCH nicer to myself, I Love who I am, and even though I usually won't even acknowledge regrets, because they are counter-productive.....I DO regret I was SO hard on myself for so many years....and that my kids had to grow up with a Mom who never even liked herself much!

GOSH I sure have gone on, and on.....bet you wish you hadn't ever opened this can of worms don't you??? :love::love:

cheftrish 03-05-2011 04:01 PM

Thanks Mary, and ChocolateFan :hugs:,

I was so worried after posting this thread that everyone would be convinced I made a trip to Crazy Town last night! :blush:

Thank you so much for the support here. I too love to cook, and mostly just enjoy watching others enjoy the food, but last night I had an emotional moment and was reaching for the carbs before I stopped myself. I felt so emotionally threatened by someone (again, giving power to others) that I was going back to bad habits. I didn't even realize I was such an emotional eater until doing this WOE because I usually make good choices (I am not a sugar fanatic, I would rather pig out on nuts and of course I had some in the house!), but the fact remains that there IS too much of a good thing!
It is a can of worms, but one that I think needs to be opened at least personally- So when I caught myself I had to ask WHY??? Why do I reach for the food? What is it that I cannot face honestly and so I reach for food? :confused: I know it is probably different for everyone, and somethings just shouldn't be shared over the internet, but thanks for sharing, and for "listening", and not judging.
Trish

chocolatefan 03-05-2011 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheftrish (Post 14440088)
Thanks Mary, and ChocolateFan :hugs:,

I was so worried after posting this thread that everyone would be convinced I made a trip to Crazy Town last night! :blush:

Thank you so much for the support here. I too love to cook, and mostly just enjoy watching others enjoy the food, but last night I had an emotional moment and was reaching for the carbs before I stopped myself. I felt so emotionally threatened by someone (again, giving power to others) that I was going back to bad habits. I didn't even realize I was such an emotional eater until doing this WOE because I usually make good choices (I am not a sugar fanatic, I would rather pig out on nuts and of course I had some in the house!), but the fact remains that there IS too much of a good thing!
It is a can of worms, but one that I think needs to be opened at least personally- So when I caught myself I had to ask WHY??? Why do I reach for the food? What is it that I cannot face honestly and so I reach for food? :confused: I know it is probably different for everyone, and somethings just shouldn't be shared over the internet, but thanks for sharing, and for "listening", and not judging.
Trish

Good questions! Sometimes we reach for food because we are legitimately HUNGRY! And sometimes, we (at least I) reach for it because I'm bored, and I honestly just want something to do. Other times, I reach for it because I have the very bad habit of thinking that the movie is more enjoyable with a big bowl of popcorn. I still think that. I think it's fun to make caramel corn and have a nice, sweet/salty snack, turn down the lights and watch a movie with my family. I love brownies. Who doesn't? They taste good. Plain and simple. I don't think we should try to pretend these things don't taste good or that they don't bring pleasure when they do (to me, anyway). The good news is that I think some veterans of this plan say that super-sweet things really don't do it for them anymore, and that's great and I hope I get to that point. That would be phenomenal! I think that's why I'm on this plan, to be honest. I am looking for a new way to make choices and to find new ways of being satisfied. Right now, I'm an addict, and I have to figure out a way to enjoy the really good things in moderation, and not lose control. And I have to get to a point where I don't think the movie needs the buttered popcorn or that I want a brownie. I honestly think the sort-of detox that we go through really helps in this regard. I've said it before that I don't have the PHYSICAL cravings anymore, but I have the MEMORY of the food, and I still miss that and eating when I watch TV or going out with friends for chips and guacamole! It's hard!

But I don't have a choice. My health depends on it. That helps keep me focused. That--and being successful so far. But I'm not strong enough to have cookies and brownies in the house just yet. I don't think I am, anyway. I have passed up a gillion sweets and can't BELIEVE I haven't had a slice of bread, any pasta, no rice, not one chip, no pretzels, NO CARBS really, for nearly a month. It feels good. And a friend noticed my weight loss today and that also felt good. It honestly felt better than a chocolate chip cookie!

Baysidegal 03-06-2011 06:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chocolatefan (Post 14440624)
Good questions! Sometimes we reach for food because we are legitimately HUNGRY! And sometimes, we (at least I) reach for it because I'm bored, and I honestly just want something to do. Other times, I reach for it because I have the very bad habit of thinking that the movie is more enjoyable with a big bowl of popcorn. I still think that. I think it's fun to make caramel corn and have a nice, sweet/salty snack, turn down the lights and watch a movie with my family. I love brownies. Who doesn't? They taste good. Plain and simple. I don't think we should try to pretend these things don't taste good or that they don't bring pleasure when they do (to me, anyway). The good news is that I think some veterans of this plan say that super-sweet things really don't do it for them anymore, and that's great and I hope I get to that point. That would be phenomenal! I think that's why I'm on this plan, to be honest. I am looking for a new way to make choices and to find new ways of being satisfied. Right now, I'm an addict, and I have to figure out a way to enjoy the really good things in moderation, and not lose control. And I have to get to a point where I don't think the movie needs the buttered popcorn or that I want a brownie. I honestly think the sort-of detox that we go through really helps in this regard. I've said it before that I don't have the PHYSICAL cravings anymore, but I have the MEMORY of the food, and I still miss that and eating when I watch TV or going out with friends for chips and guacamole! It's hard!

But I don't have a choice. My health depends on it. That helps keep me focused. That--and being successful so far. But I'm not strong enough to have cookies and brownies in the house just yet. I don't think I am, anyway. I have passed up a gillion sweets and can't BELIEVE I haven't had a slice of bread, any pasta, no rice, not one chip, no pretzels, NO CARBS really, for nearly a month. It feels good. And a friend noticed my weight loss today and that also felt good. It honestly felt better than a chocolate chip cookie!

"The memory of food" statement jolted me. I ate anything and everything for years without thinking twice about it. Potato chips were my friend. Potatoes and pasta my go to foods. So now, on MWL, I have changed my entire pattern of eating in three weeks and you know what I miss the most? Mayonaise. I hate the reduced fat stuff LOL. Silly isn't it? I want to be successful and I have lost 13 lbs so far. I want to make better choices and I think I am doing well. But there are always times, when I see my husband or family digging into spaghetti and meatballs, while I eat 4 oz of deli ham, that it gets me down just a little. Then, I look at my face in the mirror and see that it is thinner, my bracelet is falling past my wrist over my hand, and I can see small changes that are coming. I want more of those changes!:rolleyes:

chocolatefan 03-06-2011 06:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baysidegal (Post 14441195)
"The memory of food" statement jolted me. I ate anything and everything for years without thinking twice about it. Potato chips were my friend. Potatoes and pasta my go to foods. So now, on MWL, I have changed my entire pattern of eating in three weeks and you know what I miss the most? Mayonaise. I hate the reduced fat stuff LOL. Silly isn't it? I want to be successful and I have lost 13 lbs so far. I want to make better choices and I think I am doing well. But there are always times, when I see my husband or family digging into spaghetti and meatballs, while I eat 4 oz of deli ham, that it gets me down just a little. Then, I look at my face in the mirror and see that it is thinner, my bracelet is falling past my wrist over my hand, and I can see small changes that are coming. I want more of those changes!:rolleyes:

Yes, I know what you mean about feeling a little "down" looking at other people living it up and having a big plate of food while we try to make deli meat stretch into a treat! :laugh: I have also posted that for me, I am going through a mourning process when it comes to the loss of wild eating. I miss the old days when I really could just pretty much eat whatever I wanted. I think it's normal to feel a sense of loss for our (well, MY) youth and easy way of eating. I think we newbies do ourselves a disservice if we try to deny that this is a huge change and it's okay to have questions and feel slightly ripped-off. They say on this board that if you feel "deprived" you are going to struggle with this plan. Well, I don't know...I guess there is some truth to that. But I also don't think it makes any sense to try to fool myself into thinking that 4 oz. of deli meat is as spectacular as a slice of deep dish pizza! It's just being honest (again, FOR ME), and if I don't deal honestly with my feelings of loss and find ways to move PAST these feelings, THEN I will struggle. And actually, I've made great progress in this regard, I think. One day at a time.

So I'm trying to take a page out of your book and try to get real joy out of the OTHER things, like a loose bracelet or seeing my blood pressure go down! Those are very important victories that will mean more time with our families. You should applaud your 13 pounds!!!!! :clap::clap: This is a great plan and we're on our way!!! :)

mommy2princesses 03-06-2011 08:17 AM

Chocolate fan -

I will honestly tell you that I do miss the days of reckless eating - I was such a drive-through eater, complete with making sure got rid of the trash before getting home. And there have been many, many, many times when I go through dunkin donuts to get a coffee and would give anything to order a few donuts and just devour them. (notice I don't say 1 donut - but i'm talking 3 or 4!). I miss craving/wanting something and just having it....no matter the calorie content. I will probably always miss these things, or at least for a long time. I would be a fool not to acknowledge that.

But - I do not miss the way I would feel each time I saw myself in the mirror - that feeling of complete disgust. I do not miss the feeling of guilt I would have after realizing how few pictures my children have with me in them. I do not miss the feeling of shame I had shopping in plus-size stores....just praying not to run into someone I knew. I do not miss the way I would feel each and every time my husband would touch me....the way I was always aware of how my body must look and how I assumed what
he must think of it. I could seriously go on and on - and you will too. You will be amazed at how after enough times some of those foods you absolutely had to a have will taste different. I can now have a few bites of chocolate cake and be ok, I can make homemade versions of pizza and trick myself out of the craving (is it the same, oh no, but close enough....flat out wraps as crust in maintenance are really good!). The benefits far outweigh the things we gave up....trust me. Take the time to mourn your old self and your old habits and way of life - I definitely think that is important.....but be ready to embrace your new self with open arms. I promise you, you will love this new you!

chocolatefan 03-06-2011 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mommy2princesses (Post 14441497)
Chocolate fan -

I will honestly tell you that I do miss the days of reckless eating - I was such a drive-through eater, complete with making sure got rid of the trash before getting home. And there have been many, many, many times when I go through dunkin donuts to get a coffee and would give anything to order a few donuts and just devour them. (notice I don't say 1 donut - but i'm talking 3 or 4!). I miss craving/wanting something and just having it....no matter the calorie content. I will probably always miss these things, or at least for a long time. I would be a fool not to acknowledge that.

But - I do not miss the way I would feel each time I saw myself in the mirror - that feeling of complete disgust. I do not miss the feeling of guilt I would have after realizing how few pictures my children have with me in them. I do not miss the feeling of shame I had shopping in plus-size stores....just praying not to run into someone I knew. I do not miss the way I would feel each and every time my husband would touch me....the way I was always aware of how my body must look and how I assumed what
he must think of it. I could seriously go on and on - and you will too. You will be amazed at how after enough times some of those foods you absolutely had to a have will taste different. I can now have a few bites of chocolate cake and be ok, I can make homemade versions of pizza and trick myself out of the craving (is it the same, oh no, but close enough....flat out wraps as crust in maintenance are really good!). The benefits far outweigh the things we gave up....trust me. Take the time to mourn your old self and your old habits and way of life - I definitely think that is important.....but be ready to embrace your new self with open arms. I promise you, you will love this new you!

This is an amazing post! :notwrthy: Thank you so much!!! The line about the few photos was SO on point!! I NEVER take pictures and that's really just not fair to my children. Also, I AM SICK AND TIRED of trying to find decent-looking clothes in the plus-size department. I also avoid mirrors and HATE swimsuit season. I don't want to be the mom in the giant swim shorts and black cover-up this year! Plus, you know, when I look around my immediate world, I do have friends who are trying to lose some weight too, but I am usually among the biggest in any group setting. I'm sick of being THAT mom. You're SO RIGHT that it already feels great to know I'm on my way to a new way of life. I also think that already losing the physiological, hormonal, ridiculous cravings has been really amazing. I really don't have those kinds of cravings anymore, where I NEED IT on some kind of cellular level! It's the psychological now--the memory of the food--that I'm working through. This is why we need to hear from vets like you to tell us that it really is worth it. I can already see that it is, and I'm excited about the future.

I just made myself the BEST egg-white, mushroom, deli ham, and Laughing Cow cheese omelet this morning! It was great and I'm totally full. I love not feeling bloated and having stomach problems (I know, TMI, but it's the truth). And if I continue to lose at the rate I'm going, I'll be at my goal in about 8 weeks. I can already fit pants I haven't worn in years, and that's been fantastic. I am actually looking forward to getting a new swimsuit!!! :clap:

Again, thanks for indulging us newbies and giving us a real look at a very bright future!!! :)

ravenrose 03-06-2011 11:43 AM

Please read Why We Get Fat by Gary Taubes.

The major factors are genetics and then the efforts we make to LOSE weight when we start to get overweight. Plus the bad things in the standard american diet.

the minute you get on that roller coaster of overeating, gaining, losing, you are just toast! every time you lose, your body is afraid you are in a time of famine and works hormonally to get you to eat more and regain it. It's science, not some psychological failure!

and our society is totally prejudiced against fat people, you know that. it's hard not to internalize that lack of self esteem.

we are one of the only groups it's oK to be prejudiced against: smokers, Arabs, pedophiles, investment bankers, and fat people. think about it.

it's assumed it's our fault, a lack of moral strength, sloth and gluttony.

Gary Taubes shows it's a disorder of fat accumulation. The overeating, while it happens, comes SECOND, not first. a response to the hormones.

I really think understanding the physiology involved goes a long way toward helping us forgive ourselves. good luck.

cheftrish 03-06-2011 12:13 PM

Chocolatefan Kerri and Bayside,

You all brought up such interesting points! I think you are right on the money with the "mourning" of the old way of eating with abandon
..I think that process is healthy, just as we have to learn new habits of coping with the stresses of everyday life or extraordinary circumstances, and feelings of deprivation when we can't satisfy ourselves with food. Lying to ourselves that we don't miss it is just that, that's what I did before, lie to myself that there wasn't a problem with dealing with stress with food. And eating miracle noodles (while not bad)when my family is having a big plate of spaghetti is not as much fun as joining in. But I have to deal with that and not pretend to myself that I'm not bummed. I also don't think we should look at it as a punishment, but a process, a metamorphisis (have any of you read or remember the Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle? Where the Caterpillar ate his way through the book? I was so that catapillar!! I am thinking of myself in the cocoon stage where I am growing and changing until I become...a Butterfly! )

I know there is something I have to change, and it's not just eating habits, I think placating myself with food is a symptom. Like an addict going for that "memory"(I love that you said that because it is so true!) The buttered popcorn with a movie is a perfect analogy, trying to recreate the moment. It really is like an alcoholic or addict looking for that perfect buzz-the memory of it that you can't quite recapture even though you are stuffing yourself you don't acheive that satisfaction you seek (I mean me when I say "you" but using it inclusively) and then, like Kerri said, dealing with the shame after.


What I am trying to say but not doing a good job of it is I LIKE FOOD! That's okay, but binging is not. I don't think being on this plan means that we have to make food our enemy, I think we need to make friends with it and get into a healthier relationship with it. Because, lets face it, we need it to survive!And eating something yummy is fun and good! But it doesn't have to be chocolate ice cream (or a huge bowl of it or the whole carton), it can be yogurt -Sometime in the future I think a little chocolate ice cream will be okay. I was abusing something I loved, and blaming it for my failure, and then allowing myself to say since I was overweight I couldn't do something. ...Like be in a family picture!! I have that too, I am always standing behind someone or hiding, or the one taking the picture!! Interesting how we all have that!

chocolatefan 03-06-2011 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ravenrose (Post 14442253)

the minute you get on that roller coaster of overeating, gaining, losing, you are just toast! every time you lose, your body is afraid you are in a time of famine and works hormonally to get you to eat more and regain it. It's science, not some psychological failure!

I really think understanding the physiology involved goes a long way toward helping us forgive ourselves. good luck.

Bless you. :heart: We really are at war with some very powerful, physical, hormonal pulls, and we do kick ourselves for wanting what the body wants! I'm happy that so far, the cravings are less severe since I've just "broken up" with less-healthy carbs, but I like your take on this and I really appreciate your comment.

barbwired 03-06-2011 08:13 PM

Thank you for posting this. I too have been on the up and down rollercoaster with weight since highschool and I want this to be my last ride. I am in the process of reading Women Food and God and it's definitely made me think about some things differently. I feel the need to go the extra mile (and then some) for everyone in my life, even people I prefer were not even in my life. I have the need to please others at my own expense and put myslef last on my own list. For me, this comes from feeling like I was not good enough because I was heavier. This lead to me using food to comfort myself or give myself a treat. Food was the one thing that I could have complete control over and get exactly what I wanted, how I wanted it. I am working on trying to get what I want out life in different ways now, without food. It's a process I need to go through to hopefully keep the weight off this time.

cheftrish 03-06-2011 09:26 PM

Oh, Wow! Barbwired! I CAN TOTALLY relate to that! I seem to come last no matter what. If someone is sick I am there with a meal, if someone needs childcare I am there (I have changed my schedule often in the past to accomadate others needs), but then I feel no one is there for me...and I mean that literally. I believe doormat is the term. Have I ALLOWED it? Or did I PERPETRATE it? Here is an example:

My mother died, my husband broke his kneecap and was on crutches and I was trying to hold things together.....My pastor called me to see if I could make a meal for someone whose husband's mother had died (2 months previously to my mom's) and whose husband had just had knee surgery though she didn't work, and they had no kids (no, I am not making this up,the irony was not lost on me believe me!). It wasn't that I begrudged that, I am usually more than happy to make meals for people, but my pastor knew full well that all this had happened in my life (and I had three kids and owned a business) but never asked how I was doing or asked anyone to make a meal for me (NOT that I was looking for a meal, but the thought would have been nice). I wanted to say something like, "Have you LOST your MIND???" but instead just said I was really busy (planning my mom's funeral, though I didn't say it-why??) and at that time I couldn't do it, though I WOULD FIND someone else to make the meal- and then I felt GUILTY for saying "NO" (why was it my responsibility??)!

I was venting to my sister about this and found she is the same way ( We talk everyday though we have lived on seperate coasts for 15 years, and I never knew we shared this low self-esteem issue where we put EVERYONE else first) anyway, after some gentle nudging by a dear friend of mine who works at the church my pastor later realized his faux-pas and apologized but I felt sad and lonely and ate as a result of the whole encounter. But Why didn't I say I needed help too? (in a way I was just as much to blame for not saying I needed help too) and I guess that is the whole reason for this thread. Why don't we say what we need to take care of ourselves? We don't have to come last. Being kind and sacrificial in caring doesn't mean we are not worth anything.

I would like to read your book, who wrote it? I am currently doing a study called Me Myself and Lies. It has been a huge eye-opener to me. It talks about how much we are loved by God and points out the differences between the things we tell ourselves and how contrary they are to the truth about how valued we are in God's eyes.
Thanks for sharing, sorry to vent (I really don't mean this as a personal rant, but as an example :) )

barbwired 03-06-2011 11:46 PM

I'm so glad you shared that story. All I can say is, wow, I cannot even imagine how you felt having that conversation with your pastor with everything you had going on in your own life. Yet I'm not sure I could have asked for help either, so I get it.

I've found that when you don't love and appreciate yourself enough, the love and appreciation of the people around you becomes more important and we will do more to try to earn it by being the perfect wife, mother, daughter, employee, friend..... The end result is we spend so much time trying to give what we think others want, we forget to think about what we want and need.

This past year I have spent more time thinking about what I need and doing things that make me happy. I'm convinced it's a big part of the reason I have been able to make the commitment get healthy and do Medi. I keep asking myself why is this program working now? Why couldn't I do this before? I think the answer is that now I know what I want and making myself happy is more important to me.

Thank you for putting this out there for all of us to think about. The book is written by Geneen Roth. I hope you like it!

Barb

Key Tones 03-07-2011 12:23 AM

I think there are biochemical reasons for overeating, low seratonin, low dopamine, etc. However, I also believe these chemical imbalances are brought about by dietary imbalances, not emotional failures.

My understanding is that overweight was pefectly understood to be caused by eating sweets and starches until the psychologists got their hands into it.

Seriously, read Why We Get Fat by Gary Taubes.

cheftrish 03-07-2011 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Key Tones (Post 14444348)
I think there are biochemical reasons for overeating, low seratonin, low dopamine, etc. However, I also believe these chemical imbalances are brought about by dietary imbalances, not emotional failures.

My understanding is that overweight was pefectly understood to be caused by eating sweets and starches until the psychologists got their hands into it.

Seriously, read Why We Get Fat by Gary Taubes.

Keytones,

Thank you so much for your concern. I am aware of the effect of food, especially the "fake food" on our bodies...I actually cook with mostly organic food, and do not, as a rule, eat sweets. I am a chef and went to culinary school where I studied nutrition. I think the Schwarzbein Principle is also a very important book on this subject. HOWEVER...the fact remains that we have to put that food into our mouths to get that physical response to it and my question is WHY put it in? Yes we, especially me probably, have been venting and talking about feelings- and if you think that that is an excuse I am using for gaining weight I can see why you would be :annoyed: annoyed and worried... . I am not saying that is the ONLY reason I have gained weight (you don't gain by crying or being angry- but actually anger and sadness DO have an effect on serotonin, and stress creates an insulin response too). I put the food in my mouth and THEN there was this physical response. This way of eating cuts out that physical craving, but there is still an emotional craving, and that is what I am exploring. I made this thread really and truly thinking most would pass it by. I did not mean to turn it into a personal blog, but low self-esteem is something I have struggled with all my life...I wasn't always over weight, but I have always had low self-esteem, so I am just trying to see the correlation so later on I don't sabotage all this effort. I'm not the first, and I won't be the last. I do actually agree with you and will check out the book because I am always interested in nutrition.
:):):)

Key Tones 03-07-2011 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheftrish (Post 14445579)
Keytones,

Thank you so much for your concern. I am aware of the effect of food, especially the "fake food" on our bodies...I actually cook with mostly organic food, and do not, as a rule, eat sweets. I am a chef and went to culinary school where I studied nutrition. I think the Schwarzbein Principle is also a very important book on this subject. HOWEVER...the fact remains that we have to put that food into our mouths to get that physical response to it and my question is WHY put it in? Yes we, especially me probably, have been venting and talking about feelings- and if you think that that is an excuse I am using for gaining weight I can see why you would be :annoyed: annoyed and worried... . I am not saying that is the ONLY reason I have gained weight (you don't gain by crying or being angry- but actually anger and sadness DO have an effect on serotonin, and stress creates an insulin response too). I put the food in my mouth and THEN there was this physical response. This way of eating cuts out that physical craving, but there is still an emotional craving, and that is what I am exploring. I made this thread really and truly thinking most would pass it by. I did not mean to turn it into a personal blog, but low self-esteem is something I have struggled with all my life...I wasn't always over weight, but I have always had low self-esteem, so I am just trying to see the correlation so later on I don't sabotage all this effort. I'm not the first, and I won't be the last. I do actually agree with you and will check out the book because I am always interested in nutrition.
:):):)

Oh, I'm not annoyed at all. I have overeating issues, certainly. I believe it is more related to Dr. Bernstein's hypothesis, that certain of us (he says 25% of his Type II diabetic patients and 10% of his Type I patients) continue to overeat on low carb. He isn't talking about teh general oversight population because he treats diabetics. Anyway, he contributes this to the thrify genome type, meaning, the survival characteristic of eating when food is available which increases chances of survival in difficult times.

As far as us women go, I think it is even more true. Historically, women spent their entire lives either pregnant or nursing. Those of us who ate and put on fat whenever possible and don't just drop weight for decreasing food intake have a much better survival mechanism.

I really believe that when we are stressed, our seratonin dips, and we eat more as a survival mechanism. I don't believe it is a personal failure. We just have better survival instincts than anyone else.

If we get more upset by believing it is personal failure, then our seratonin dips even more, and we eat even more.

Talking about it certainly helps, I don't mean that it doesn't. Not at all. It's just another way to think about what is happening.

Baysidegal 03-07-2011 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheftrish (Post 14445579)
Keytones,

Thank you so much for your concern. I am aware of the effect of food, especially the "fake food" on our bodies...I actually cook with mostly organic food, and do not, as a rule, eat sweets. I am a chef and went to culinary school where I studied nutrition. I think the Schwarzbein Principle is also a very important book on this subject. HOWEVER...the fact remains that we have to put that food into our mouths to get that physical response to it and my question is WHY put it in? Yes we, especially me probably, have been venting and talking about feelings- and if you think that that is an excuse I am using for gaining weight I can see why you would be :annoyed: annoyed and worried... . I am not saying that is the ONLY reason I have gained weight (you don't gain by crying or being angry- but actually anger and sadness DO have an effect on serotonin, and stress creates an insulin response too). I put the food in my mouth and THEN there was this physical response. This way of eating cuts out that physical craving, but there is still an emotional craving, and that is what I am exploring. I made this thread really and truly thinking most would pass it by. I did not mean to turn it into a personal blog, but low self-esteem is something I have struggled with all my life...I wasn't always over weight, but I have always had low self-esteem, so I am just trying to see the correlation so later on I don't sabotage all this effort. I'm not the first, and I won't be the last. I do actually agree with you and will check out the book because I am always interested in nutrition.
:):):)

Trish, this a journey for you and everyone who truly wants to explore the WHY? Don't think of it as blogging, journaling or just whining. I believe that most of us have the same issues and questions that you have expressed from the beginning of this thread and ANTYTHING good or bad that we can come away with from this is going to help us keep going.

Kristine29 03-07-2011 07:53 PM

Hi everyone! I have been reading such old posts and have gotten inspired by many many stories and creative ideas. I have been doing this diet ...going on day 11. I am so determined to make this work because I have tried so many diets and have been told by my doctor that my body is very efficient. It adapts to whatever I do to it...(can't quite figure out how I got fat then if it adapts so darn well?) at any rate this diet has been pretty easy for me as I don't eat a lot of bread/carbs. Although having a nice piece of dark chocolate would be good, but I can do without it.

So far I think I have lost 6lbs, even though it is my TOM.
Just wanted to say hello to an up-todate- and current thread of people. HI!!!!

cheftrish 03-08-2011 09:25 AM

Hi Kristine! That is awesome! Congratulations! you CAN do this!

I put dark unsweetened cocoa (1 TBS is 25 calories, 1 gram fiber 2 carbs) in my coffee. I probably only use 1/2 tsp a day, but it helps me with the chocolate cravings (still am sure to put it in my journal though)!

Speaking of efficiency, I am a runner and it is a fact that if you run faster you don't necessarily expend more energy ( = calories) because your body is working more efficiently. FAST WALKING burns as many calories as running as does walk/running....you are still keeping your heart rate up, but working less efficiently thereby burning more calories. That's why those "boot camp" workouts work. You are keeping your heart rate up while doing weight bearing exercises.
and also mixing things up so you don't create "muscle memory".
Our bodies are amazing things...

cheftrish 03-08-2011 09:49 AM

And here is a link to an article (though there are more scientific ones, this one explains it pretty well) about running/walking. So build up that walking speed!
I still like running though :)

Does Running Burn More Calories than Walking - Running vs. Walking Calories

Kristine29 03-08-2011 05:00 PM

Hi Trish..thanks for the welcome. I am a runner too! I started last summer and did some 5K's and 5mile races. I really enjoy it, but would like it much better if I weighed less.

I have some questions for you veteran Medi-folk:
Do you have to limited coffee even if it is decaf?
I have read of the effects caffeine can have on insulin resistance, but wasn't sure if decaf had the same effects (even though it does have some caffeine in it).

I have found that even though I am eating less than 20 carbs, sometimes I am not in Ketosis?

I guess I just want this weight to come off quick..like I am reading all these other people's ridiculous weight loss for week two and the scale hasn't moved for me.

I work out too...I should add that. Do you guys do a day where you eat more carbs and then back off the next day?

Thanks for your help! :)

cheftrish 03-08-2011 05:21 PM

Hi Kristine,

I know everyone says you are supposed to back off the caffeine-I think there is a lot of confusion surrounding that :confused: I have about 3 cups of 1/2 1/2 coffee a day (I put equal amounts of decaf and caf in the same pot), and the reason I haven't backed off is because if you look at the meds they have you on they have caffeine and a lot of it (at least as much as two cups a day) but I don't take them, so I figure I can afford a little. However if you find that you are not losing I would back off, I think you said you were insulin resistant, so I would stick with decaf, My clinic said decaf or 1/2 caf was fine for me.
I have never been more than a small or trace reading of ketosis, but I exercise a lot and drink a lot of water, and I am still losing. To be quite honest I stopped testing after the first week, it would only drive me nuts. Showing a dark reading for ketosis means that you are most likely dehydrated, so a small or trace reading is not necessarily a bad thing. :up:

I usually stay between 15-30 carbs a day and have still managed to lose, but if you are insulin resistant you need to figure out what works for you. If you are working out a lot be sure to up your electrolytes (that is what the clinic told me).

One other thing, I don't weigh myself AT ALL- I know a lot of people do, but I am the type that would stress and worry if I weren't losing every day or if it fluctuated up :eek:, so I wait until I go to the clinic and they can tell me how much I have lost, and break down the fat/water for me.

A good place to go for a lot of questions is the Newbie forum- It has a lot of great information as well as the monthly forum. I also like the products and recipes forums, you can get a lot of good info, and everyone is really nice!! I don't think many people are on this forum, but I am always happy to answer questions!

cheftrish 03-11-2011 08:28 AM

I have not posted here in a while, and I have to vent (I really should get a blog lol!). I have been under a lot of stress lately. As I posted earlier my mom passed away 6 months ago. What I did not mention is I am the executor of her estate (just a term, not much there) and I have a brother with a drug habit.... Actually, I think my drug-addicted brother is self-medicating...anyway, he called me last night to tell me he is out of money...AGAIN. He has gone through 25 thousand dollars that I have given him in 3 months and has not gotten a phone, or a place to live... So now comes the stress of do I believe him that he had dental work done and it cost 15 thousand dollars ?? I have set up a special needs trust for him and now I find myself in the place of a babysitter. It's like a bad penny, everytime I think I am done with this there is some new "emergency". I want it OUT of my LIFE!! But I am stuck with it, and then comes the stress of dealing with this problem and last night I reached for the pistachios and had a lite beer...small potatoes in the scheme of things, but dealing with him triggers this every single time. I find it so hard to say no to him because I want to believe he is doing better. My husband and sister say don't give him any more money, but technically it is his money, I am just the trustee, this is so new to me and I really don't want to be anyone's babysitter. Aaagh! I really am venting!

cheftrish 03-11-2011 05:14 PM

Pass this by, the above was just a little co-dependant ranting I am seeing as I write...I realize now that for the past six months I have given myself a pass everytime I talk to him because it is so stressful. I hate that.
On the bright side, one trigger found, now just need to find another outlet.

cheftrish 03-11-2011 08:39 PM

Has anyone had to say no to someone when they are begging you not to? Or deny someone something that you know will give them comfort, and will cause them great discomfort by saying no?? But saying yes will hurt them more??? That is what I am going through right now.

chocolatefan 03-12-2011 06:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheftrish (Post 14463366)
Has anyone had to say no to someone when they are begging you not to? Or deny someone something that you know will give them comfort, and will cause them great discomfort by saying no?? But saying yes will hurt them more??? That is what I am going through right now.

I am so sorry you are going through this!!!! :( I actually think that you would be giving him what he NEEDS by saying NO. You wouldn't be giving him what he wants, but quite frankly, if you did, you'd only be contributing to his abuse and addiction, and that is not something you want to do. So, as crazy as it may seem, the LOVING thing to do is to cut him off. He doesn't need dental work. Period. If he did, he would have you call the dental office to confirm or bring you their diagnosis with a cost-estimate sheet. As a mom with a couple of kids in braces and one needing implants, it's very customary for dental practices to provide a financial estimate of upcoming expenses. They know you need that for insurance or to make a payment plan. Ask to see this proof. If you don't get it, you'll have your answer.

Also, speaking as a mom, I can't tell you how many times I have had to say NO out of love for my kids. This is not much different, since you are unfortunately in a caretaker's role. I don't say NO because I want to punish them, but because I want them to be safe and happy IN THE LONG RUN--not at that moment.

This is a nightmare for you and I'm really sorry... It's hard to imagine, but one day, if he has NO OTHER OPTIONS, he will get the help he needs and will thank you for pushing him (forcing him) to do so. The "comfort" he wants is KILLING HIM, so it's not really comfort at all. He needs rehabilitation and support for that process--not more money to blow through.

Just my two cents... Praying for a good outcome. :heart::)

ForHisGlory 03-24-2011 05:48 AM

You are such as inspiration to me!
 
Mommy2princesses you are such an inspiration to me. I have read a couple of your other blogs and always feel so good after reading your messages. Mourn my old self....? Thats genious! Thats exactly what I have to do to get in the right frame of mind to be successful on this journey. I never really have been very good with changes, but now is my time to just do it. Fatty be gone cause Hottie is moving in!! Wow! I really needed to hear that. Thanks.
Quote:

Originally Posted by mommy2princesses (Post 14441497)
Chocolate fan -

I will honestly tell you that I do miss the days of reckless eating - I was such a drive-through eater, complete with making sure got rid of the trash before getting home. And there have been many, many, many times when I go through dunkin donuts to get a coffee and would give anything to order a few donuts and just devour them. (notice I don't say 1 donut - but i'm talking 3 or 4!). I miss craving/wanting something and just having it....no matter the calorie content. I will probably always miss these things, or at least for a long time. I would be a fool not to acknowledge that.

But - I do not miss the way I would feel each time I saw myself in the mirror - that feeling of complete disgust. I do not miss the feeling of guilt I would have after realizing how few pictures my children have with me in them. I do not miss the feeling of shame I had shopping in plus-size stores....just praying not to run into someone I knew. I do not miss the way I would feel each and every time my husband would touch me....the way I was always aware of how my body must look and how I assumed what
he must think of it. I could seriously go on and on - and you will too. You will be amazed at how after enough times some of those foods you absolutely had to a have will taste different. I can now have a few bites of chocolate cake and be ok, I can make homemade versions of pizza and trick myself out of the craving (is it the same, oh no, but close enough....flat out wraps as crust in maintenance are really good!). The benefits far outweigh the things we gave up....trust me. Take the time to mourn your old self and your old habits and way of life - I definitely think that is important.....but be ready to embrace your new self with open arms. I promise you, you will love this new you!



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