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Old 10-13-2010, 02:12 PM   #691
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Originally Posted by Fit2010 View Post
Nick,
This is well said! I actually went to talk to a counselor while going through MWL process this summer because of my messed up view of reward/punishment and had the same thoughts you described as being in "an abusive relationship where I am the abuser and the victim." But now I KNOW how "healthy" feels, and I don't want to feel the yuckiness again...and for me the yuckiness came with consequences such as insulin resistance and food allergies! I cannot justify being indulgent insistently again....the family history I have will make me into a diabetic in no time, and as a nurse that's just a foolish choice to be that selfish to satisfy a sweet urge now. The consequences could eventually make me disabled in the long-run. Not a road I want to travel down personally, or put my husband and daughters in position for to have to take care of me...again, selfish indulgence has consequences. I much prefer the healthful feeling I'm having now, and wish I could have felt it the previous 25 years too. Too much time has been wasted, and I'm thankful I was able to undo in time and that my body forgave me! I may need to read this post over and over again. I know I'm not well into maintenance by any means, have so much to face ahead, and I know MWL works. Whew! What a blessing!! Like you I'm also so very thankful for this forum to be able to express real temptations, real feelings, and real friendships!
We can do this
Debbie, you just hit home with with me by saying this:
"again, selfish indulgence has consequences. I much prefer the healthful feeling I'm having now, and wish I could have felt it the previous 25 years too. Too much time has been wasted, and I'm thankful I was able to undo in time and that my body forgave me! " This is exactly what I am thinking.

Transition is not going easy on me also. It is not yet "natural" for me when it comes to food and eating, I still need to force myself to behave correctly. On top of that, it did not help that I cut my finger with the blender blade really bad last night when was making frozen cheesecake bites. Spent half the night in the emergency room and ended up with tons of stiches. Now I cannot really exercise the way I do, will look awful at the wedding that I am going to this weekend (there will be lots of people who never seen me in my new state), was planning to spend weekend with my grandchildren who I cannot wait to hold in my arms... So this is another challenge that life presents me with. Trying to stay strong.
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Old 10-13-2010, 03:55 PM   #692
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Originally Posted by irabeslim View Post
Debbie, you just hit home with with me by saying this:
"again, selfish indulgence has consequences. I much prefer the healthful feeling I'm having now, and wish I could have felt it the previous 25 years too. Too much time has been wasted, and I'm thankful I was able to undo in time and that my body forgave me! " This is exactly what I am thinking.

Transition is not going easy on me also. It is not yet "natural" for me when it comes to food and eating, I still need to force myself to behave correctly. On top of that, it did not help that I cut my finger with the blender blade really bad last night when was making frozen cheesecake bites. Spent half the night in the emergency room and ended up with tons of stiches. Now I cannot really exercise the way I do, will look awful at the wedding that I am going to this weekend (there will be lots of people who never seen me in my new state), was planning to spend weekend with my grandchildren who I cannot wait to hold in my arms... So this is another challenge that life presents me with. Trying to stay strong.
Irina, how horrible!!!! I'm so sorry about your finger!!! Your attitude is still so very healthy, tho, and that makes me smile.

I had a terrible eating day today and am now sitting here with a whopping headache. I made poor choices that actually made me feel worse!

I still have to force myself to behave correctly, too, and unfortunately, today, I didn't force myself hard enough.
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Old 10-13-2010, 05:29 PM   #693
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Irina,
The wedding is this weekend. By then you'll be feeling a little better pain wise and you can sit and have your grandkids come to your lap while you're sitting. You still will look SO awesome for all who haven't seen you since you lost the weight. Don't let that you're not PERFECT undo everything....Irina, you, me, and ALL of us will never be perfect. Whew! Relief! But, you are healthier than you were and you know what works. Making planned indulgences is different than being controlled by food. So sad about the injury, nuisance but not the end of the world. Take good care of yourself and don't cut corners...hope it heals well for you!
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Old 10-15-2010, 09:35 AM   #694
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Hit my goal...transition feels harder to me than the acute phase; with acute, I had hard cut rules. MD at the clinic said now can go up to 800 calories a day, basically eat what I want but watch the calories and don't overdo it on carbs and fats...and then gradually increase over next 2-3 weeks to 1200 calories/day, which is what I need to maintain. I see myself already choosing low carb SF PB cookies when I would have been eating a piece of chicken in acute. I feel like its too nonspecific and gives me leeway to make not great choices. Did any of your clinics suggest specific numbers for carbs and proteins in transition?
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Old 10-15-2010, 10:51 AM   #695
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Hit my goal...transition feels harder to me than the acute phase; with acute, I had hard cut rules. MD at the clinic said now can go up to 800 calories a day, basically eat what I want but watch the calories and don't overdo it on carbs and fats...and then gradually increase over next 2-3 weeks to 1200 calories/day, which is what I need to maintain. I see myself already choosing low carb SF PB cookies when I would have been eating a piece of chicken in acute. I feel like its too nonspecific and gives me leeway to make not great choices. Did any of your clinics suggest specific numbers for carbs and proteins in transition?
neneRN, transition is hard! Everybody who is in it now or was recently were writing about its challenges. We don't like our freedom, those choices are killing us but we need to adjust to real life. My clinic told me that for the 1st week I should just do what I do now but add 200 cal of protein. Then will see how I do and add another 200 cal of protein. After weight stabilizes, they will do the breathing test and tell me how many calories I should eat, how much carbs/protein, what times of day, etc. It is different from other people transition - I saw that they are supposed to add carbs right the 1st week.
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Old 10-15-2010, 10:54 AM   #696
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Irina, sorry to hear about your injury. I hope all is ok. Dont think about it and likely people at the wedding will be cooing over the fantastically slender you!! Have fun and enjoy the wedding. We are all rooting for you!!

Soemone mentioned the difficulty in the maintence stage and yes it is difficult as you transition. I felt clueless myself and erred on the side of caution. It has taken me all this time to finally eat a whole tomato or enjoy more than one serving of fruit. My two cents is monitor what you eat, make sure it is natural (i.e. limit processed foods as much as possible), grill proteins, any other carbs besides fruits and veggies should be whole grains. All in moderation. weigh yourself often and exercise. Yes you will have bad days but move on and start each meal and day anew. If you ate horribly, dont continue all day long. Have what you crave and get over it quickly.

A little personal note here which I did not even think about but my 1 year anniversary for starting Medi weight was October 9. I guess I was measuring time from when I went into transiton. so here it is a year later and am excited that I have energy, feel vibrant and want to accomplish so many physical things like running and going to the gymm. I actually am interested in clothes and all the wonderful things that come our way each day. I am pushing 51 soon and looking back at my tired fat, uncomfortable 40s I think I have missed so much so am trying to catch up!!

Have a great weekend all!!
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Old 10-15-2010, 11:03 AM   #697
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Irina,
The wedding is this weekend. By then you'll be feeling a little better pain wise and you can sit and have your grandkids come to your lap while you're sitting. You still will look SO awesome for all who haven't seen you since you lost the weight. Don't let that you're not PERFECT undo everything....Irina, you, me, and ALL of us will never be perfect. Whew! Relief! But, you are healthier than you were and you know what works. Making planned indulgences is different than being controlled by food. So sad about the injury, nuisance but not the end of the world. Take good care of yourself and don't cut corners...hope it heals well for you!
Debbie
Thank you, Debbie. I will keep your words in my mind and try to just be proud of my achievements. I am already thinking of what I should eat at both rehersal dinner and reception. Decisions, decisions, decisions...
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Old 10-15-2010, 05:07 PM   #698
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neneRN View Post
Hit my goal...transition feels harder to me than the acute phase; with acute, I had hard cut rules. MD at the clinic said now can go up to 800 calories a day, basically eat what I want but watch the calories and don't overdo it on carbs and fats...and then gradually increase over next 2-3 weeks to 1200 calories/day, which is what I need to maintain. I see myself already choosing low carb SF PB cookies when I would have been eating a piece of chicken in acute. I feel like its too nonspecific and gives me leeway to make not great choices. Did any of your clinics suggest specific numbers for carbs and proteins in transition?
I started transition today & can also go up to 800 calories ~ my clinic dietician gave me a nice chart with suggested amounts for protein (still 500 calories), a healthy fat, veggies (1-2 servings/ day) & fruit (1). Added to that is 1 starch/day (15 carbs & 80 calories). I have a weakness for the cocoa roasted almonds, as well as Walden Farms chocolate dip & sauce... thus I probably indulge too much in those... especially in the late afternoon between meals, even after a "healthy" snack. This transition thing is really going to take FOCUS!
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Old 10-15-2010, 06:21 PM   #699
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Irina, you're at goal...have a good time and don't worry about eating 100% in the acute phase mode. You are not going to gain 110 lbs by enjoying food at the wedding....BUT, having PLANNED indulgences are allowed splurges for moments like these. Don't let the moments define you as someone feeding your face. Instead, enjoy the company, enjoy the couple, enjoy dancing, enjoy people watching, enjoy a piece of wedding cake, enjoy some yummy food that you were invited to specifically enjoy, but don't make the food what the event is all about. It's not Candyland, it's not the Wonka Chocolate Factory, it's not an all you can eat event, not really. It's there to make you feel comfortable, entertained, and loved. But the food doesn't do that, the ability to hang out all afternoon and evening and not have to leave to go eat on your own is why you are to feel comfortable, welcomed, and loved. It's not the FOOD! Thinking of my own DD#1's upcoming wedding (next Fall?) it would make me sad if someone felt they were obligated or indulgent to the point of lack of self control and not really there to support my DD and her fiance. JMHO
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Old 10-16-2010, 02:55 PM   #700
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Originally Posted by Nick80 View Post
Irina, sorry to hear about your injury. I hope all is ok. Dont think about it and likely people at the wedding will be cooing over the fantastically slender you!! Have fun and enjoy the wedding. We are all rooting for you!!

Soemone mentioned the difficulty in the maintence stage and yes it is difficult as you transition. I felt clueless myself and erred on the side of caution. It has taken me all this time to finally eat a whole tomato or enjoy more than one serving of fruit. My two cents is monitor what you eat, make sure it is natural (i.e. limit processed foods as much as possible), grill proteins, any other carbs besides fruits and veggies should be whole grains. All in moderation. weigh yourself often and exercise. Yes you will have bad days but move on and start each meal and day anew. If you ate horribly, dont continue all day long. Have what you crave and get over it quickly.

A little personal note here which I did not even think about but my 1 year anniversary for starting Medi weight was October 9. I guess I was measuring time from when I went into transiton. so here it is a year later and am excited that I have energy, feel vibrant and want to accomplish so many physical things like running and going to the gymm. I actually am interested in clothes and all the wonderful things that come our way each day. I am pushing 51 soon and looking back at my tired fat, uncomfortable 40s I think I have missed so much so am trying to catch up!!

Have a great weekend all!!
Nick,

Great advice. We must be almost the same age. I will be 51 on 1/1/60.

Irena,

My 2 cents about maintenance is that they should have given you a maintenance package that tells you exactly how to eat. It is a Medi corporate handout which tells you how many carbs, which carbs, when to eat the carbs, and what to eat with the carbs, etc... This is why I tell people to go through maintenance program. It is a whole new way of eating from acute and if you don't do it right it is so easy to go back into your old eating habits. The maintenance program is designed to keep that from happening.

In the beginning maintenance is harder than acute because we do not know how to incorporate and control carbs. It is common to be carbophobic and afraid. It just takes time to get used to the new lifestyle. Relax, you will do fine.
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Old 10-17-2010, 11:37 AM   #701
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Hello all I'm not doing that great right now, which is so hard to admit. I am up a few pounds, and it's TOM so I know that is a factor but it's also because I haven't been eating correctly at ALL. 2 weeks of visitors, and a stressful foot infection for my daughter that put her in the hosptial on IV antibiotics, and I knew how to eat, and I wasn't really emotionally eating, just eating whatever was easiest at the time. I still tried to make healthy choices but I had WAY too many carbs and because of that I am now craving them like crazy. I am going to the clinic tomorrow to chat with them. I didn't have a weight-in schedule because I am on monthly now but I really wanted to talk to them before I get out of control with my cravings and see what they suggest I do. I am still running 4-8 miles 3 times a week, and I walked 4 miles twice on top of my normal running days, so my excercise is still awesome, it's just my eating that has gotten a bit out of control and I am having an awful time getting it under control again.
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Old 10-17-2010, 12:06 PM   #702
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Lins - I'm so sorry your daughter had to be hospitalized, but I'm not surprised. There are so many skin infection things that can get out of control quickly. So, was it MRSA, staph? Did she get gentamycin IV? Is the worst of it over? How is her foot? Her walking? Her appetite? Bless her heart....I forgot how old she is (toddler?) so did she understand what was going on? Do not feel bad about eating what is available; maybe I'm not the best to counsel you on this cuz I'm eating poorly too with mom and dad still visiting all week and going out all the time and I know I'm not trying to lose....well, would like to lose 6 more. But it is tough when these times occur and we're in transition/maintenance so feel "allowed". PLEASE tell us what all your clinic says. I made an alternative "dessert" yesterday. I had Waldens choc syrup which I haven't liked but kept anyways, well I mashed 1/2 of a banana, put in 1/4 c chopped walnuts, covered with the syrup and put in freezer for about 30 mins. It was like going to the carnival and getting a frozen banana!

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Old 10-17-2010, 01:33 PM   #703
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It seems like I'm constantly posting about how I'm struggling. I'm sorry about that. The last two days have been really bad. After a few weeks of deciding I wanted to lower my goal weight and eating accordingly, I have had two days of just eating and overeating and carbs and cravings are thru the roof. Lins, I'll be curious what the clinic has to tell you. I, too, need to get this in check. I feel really out of control. I know I'll reign it in again, but yesterday and today were practiically terrifying. I was 200 pound Lea again. I hate feeling like this.
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Old 10-17-2010, 03:40 PM   #704
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Lea, Well Sweetie, the 200 lb Lea has melted away....I know what you mean about "feeling" out of control and heavier again. We just have to learn to roll with the "punches" of feelings that come over us now and then....and not act as if we're out of the fight!! We know our strengths, and one of them is this forum of buddies to pull us up when we're staggering around, show us where to punch, and then cheer us on while we're battling the carb monster that wants to make us think it OWNS us!! Not true!
BTW, I just saw you 9 days ago and I know you are fabulous looking, you Hottie! I've got the picture stuck in my 35 mm camera to prove it!! (Guess I need to get that developed and posted on here sometime!!)
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Old 10-17-2010, 06:45 PM   #705
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My daughter is 2 1/2. She was a real trooper through the whole hospital thing. Her foot looks wonderful now, so lets hope it stays that way. We thought we had it cleared up with the second antibiotic because it started to look better but then got bad again and they put her in the hospital, but those antibiotics did the trick. The swelling is gone now and she is walking fine. She hasn't wanted to eat too much but she didn't lose any weight, which we were a little worried about, she's on the small side at 26lbs already. She was fine drinking pedalite which I think really helped. But she is doing really well now. We've watched way more TV than normal in the past 2 weeks. We go back to the doctor on Wednesday morning for hopefully her last check up.
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Old 10-17-2010, 09:34 PM   #706
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Lins - Thank you for the update! Be sure and ask the doctor if it was MRSA and if she will have to tell healthcare folks that she had that, for the rest of her life. Sometimes MRSA can be in the body after it's been treated and can resurface with another wound, even a surgical incision. Just want you to be informed. I'm so glad she's feeling better! Blessings!!
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Old 10-18-2010, 09:03 AM   #707
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No it was not MRSA. They did a culture.

Update from the clinic. I was up 4lbs, but 3 of that was water (it's TOM), and 1 was muscle (and I have been doing more strength since I couldn't run as much). So they were actually pleased with my numbers even though they were up a little. She did however suggest that I do 3 days of week one. I am not trying to get in to ketosis, she just wants me to detox off the processed carbs I have been eating. then I go to regular accute style eating until I go back to the clinic in 2 weeks. If my numbers are good I will go back into maintaince eating. My week one is only protein between 500-700 calories. Since I'm not on an appetitie suppresant anymore she said it may be hard to stay at 500, but not to go over 700. I can do anything for 3 days so I'm not worried about that at all. I'm not suppose to run for the next week, but I can starting next week, I can however walk as much as I want as long as it doesn't make me feel sick. I am happy with my appointment and feel so ready to kick start my healthy eating again. I feel so icky because of the food I have been eating, I am looking forward to feeling better physiclaly by getting the processed carbs back out of my life.
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Old 10-18-2010, 09:20 AM   #708
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Debbie, Lea, Nick, Susie, thank you for your support and sympathy. This injury could not happen at the worst time when I had this family weeding to go to in a different city. There was a lot of packing to do to make sure nothing is forgotten and with me not being 100% myself I felt so much under pressure. And of course, weddings are not about food but it is so tempting to try those yammy things, have a drink, etc. and easily overdo not just "acute" rules and transition rules many times over. I need to confess that it did not go well in "my food consumption area".

Lea, when I read your post this morning where you said: " The last two days have been really bad. After a few weeks of deciding I wanted to lower my goal weight and eating accordingly, I have had two days of just eating and overeating and carbs and cravings are thru the roof. Lins, I'll be curious what the clinic has to tell you. I, too, need to get this in check. I feel really out of control. I know I'll reign it in again, but yesterday and today were practiically terrifying. I was 200 pound Lea again. I hate feeling like this" - that is what I did and this is how I feel now.

Of course, I have put myself in the "carb-purging" mode this morning and sitting here and fighting cravings. I keep telling myself how great I looked, how many compliments I received, how confident I felt at this event and hoping this self-talk will help me through the next few days that I will be in the cleansing mode.

Susie, I am so disappointed with my clinic - it looks like they did not do what they were supposed to do for my transition. I will talk to them this week about it. Thank you.
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Old 10-18-2010, 09:58 AM   #709
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Lea, when I read your post this morning where you said: " The last two days have been really bad. After a few weeks of deciding I wanted to lower my goal weight and eating accordingly, I have had two days of just eating and overeating and carbs and cravings are thru the roof. Lins, I'll be curious what the clinic has to tell you. I, too, need to get this in check. I feel really out of control. I know I'll reign it in again, but yesterday and today were practiically terrifying. I was 200 pound Lea again. I hate feeling like this" - that is what I did and this is how I feel now.

Of course, I have put myself in the "carb-purging" mode this morning and sitting here and fighting cravings. I keep telling myself how great I looked, how many compliments I received, how confident I felt at this event and hoping this self-talk will help me through the next few days that I will be in the cleansing mode.
I think the absolute hardest part is when we're sick/injured. I've been fighting a ton of medical stuff and injuries and it's so easy to give in to food to make ourselves feel better. That's my biggest struggle.

I'm in carb purge mode today myself. Cottage cheese for breakfast, broth for a snack and shrimp for lunch. And I'm hungry!! I ate so much yesterday that I'll just have to sit here myself and feel miserable. Too bad for me - but I did bring it on myself.

I'm glad to hear back from you and hope you're healing!
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Old 10-18-2010, 02:12 PM   #710
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Well my day started out just fine. But then the 3:00 hour came and I blew it again. This is three days in a row where I'm WAAAAAY over my calorie goal and back into the carbs. Why can't I just STOP?????
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Old 10-18-2010, 04:42 PM   #711
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Oh Lea I am so sorry because I know EXACTLY what you are feeling, and it really really sucks. I am sorry that I don't have any help for you because I struggle with the same thing, and I don't have any advice for myself. It's a yucky yucky battle. I have good days (like today), but I don't know what makes them any different than the out of control days. Hormones maybe? All I know to say it just "hang in there". If you can do squats of jumping jacks or walk around your house, something to get your body moving. When I have an out of control day I usually try to stay moving as much as I can the rest of the day. I don't know if it helps but it makes me feel better.
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Old 10-18-2010, 04:54 PM   #712
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Oh Lea I am so sorry because I know EXACTLY what you are feeling, and it really really sucks. I am sorry that I don't have any help for you because I struggle with the same thing, and I don't have any advice for myself. It's a yucky yucky battle. I have good days (like today), but I don't know what makes them any different than the out of control days. Hormones maybe? All I know to say it just "hang in there". If you can do squats of jumping jacks or walk around your house, something to get your body moving. When I have an out of control day I usually try to stay moving as much as I can the rest of the day. I don't know if it helps but it makes me feel better.
Thanks, Lins. I saw your energy in/out. GREAT job today on modified week one. I'll try for that again tomorrow. Thanks for the encouragement. I really do appreciate it!
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Old 10-18-2010, 05:41 PM   #713
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Originally Posted by tydreamer View Post
Thanks, Lins. I saw your energy in/out. GREAT job today on modified week one. I'll try for that again tomorrow. Thanks for the encouragement. I really do appreciate it!
I had a couple of thoughts about your carb purge. I do this frequently. One thing that makes it easier are the oopsie rolls. Make them sweet and they are like pancakes, unsweetened, they are bread like. I add flax seed meal to the unsweetened ones to make them hardier. They are week 1 compliant.

Another help are the crustless pizza or quesidillas. All you do is melt 1/2 cup part skim mozzerella cheese in a teflon pan until the cheese is completely melted and the edges just start to brown. Then take it off the heat and let it set up for about 3 minutes. It is then firm but pliable and you can use it to make a calzone (just some tomato sauce and some turkey pepp or turkey sausage, and fold) or quesidilla (add chicken, jalapenos, salsa, sour cream), tacos or anything you want to put inside. The point is, your cheese becomes the shell.

I have a client who cooks the cheese until it is crisp and uses it as crackers.

For week 1 I will make shrimp cocktail, and mix the low carb ketsup with horseradish for a Medi compliant cocktail sauce.

And finally, a great snack for week 1 is to microwave 17 slices of turkey pepp for approx. 90 seconds. They crisp up like bacon and I have them with a wedge of laughing cow cheese.

We all struggle. Good luck and I hope these ideas are helpful.
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Old 10-18-2010, 06:04 PM   #714
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I have been reading, but not posting, for a few weeks. I am officially in transition, but I feel really uneasy and "out there". I find myself eating mostly like I'm in acute, and if I have a "starch" (like ONE Flat-Out Wrap, for 90 calories and 6 carbs), I keep checking the mirror to see when I'm going to gain weight. I'm a few pounds below my goal weight, but find myself compulsively playing computer solitaire, pigging out on peanut butter, chewing up the inside of my mouth, worrying excessively about things, kind of coming unwrapped. Also, I'm not exercising much. I don't really know what is wrong, but I know where to come for support.

I am sorry that I haven't been on here, supporting the rest of you. I just haven't felt that I had it in me, for some reason. Being in charge of a number of committees all year, while working, having an extremely busy social schedule, traveling, etc. have just burnt me out, so that I can't seem to face anything. Also, I have lost 3 close friends to cancer in the last 2 months and, having had melanoma myself (10 surgeries on my face, from 11/07-3/09), I think that a lot of fear and anxiety have crept in.

Anyway, I hope I'm back, because I need to be here. It's so comforting to know that others are struggling, and that I'm not alone. Thank you all for being there.
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Old 10-18-2010, 06:54 PM   #715
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Susie, I have never made the oopsie rolls but used to make that cheese "pizza" thing a lot and had the turkey pepperoni a lot. I wonder why I stopped? Both sound great right now. I think I just thought that there would truly be a finish line when I hit goal and I couldn't have been more wrong. As a person with true food issues and addictions, this is forever. And it's something I have to think about and worry about every single day. Dangit. Thank you for always checking in on us and giving us such sincere advice.

Nancy, are you okay?? Are you talking to your clinic (or your husband or your best friend) about all this? It sounds like you're a natural born worrier and it sounds like you FEEL like you have the world on your shoulders right now. I'm so sorry! I'm really feeling out of sorts myself and have been reading over posts to find strength again. We're all here for you (even when we're struggling ourselves). I've found that's what keeps me away from here more than anything - when I feel out of control or defeated or helpless, I somehow feel I shouldn't be here and that I have nothing to contribute. It isn't until I'm almost to break that I post something. (like today) Please don't stay away. We need you as much as you need us.
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Old 10-18-2010, 07:58 PM   #716
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Nancy, Irina, Susie, Lins, everybody: Lea really said it all in a few words "Please don't stay away. We need you as much as you need us." What friends we have here! And, everyone thank you for posting what your clinic says, so we can all learn. Susie, thanks for the reminder of the yummy foods. I tried oopsie rolls in the past and didn't like them, maybe I'll like them better with flaxseed meal in them. Thanks.
Lins, so glad it wasn't MRSA and that she is doing well!

New group of nursing students in the AM and I'm so exhausted tonight...gotta get to bed soon. Mom, Dad, and DD#2 leave in AM. Starting eating my carb purge shortly thereafter!!
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Old 10-19-2010, 04:24 AM   #717
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nance7 View Post
I have been reading, but not posting, for a few weeks. I am officially in transition, but I feel really uneasy and "out there". I find myself eating mostly like I'm in acute, and if I have a "starch" (like ONE Flat-Out Wrap, for 90 calories and 6 carbs), I keep checking the mirror to see when I'm going to gain weight. I'm a few pounds below my goal weight, but find myself compulsively playing computer solitaire, pigging out on peanut butter, chewing up the inside of my mouth, worrying excessively about things, kind of coming unwrapped. Also, I'm not exercising much. I don't really know what is wrong, but I know where to come for support.

I am sorry that I haven't been on here, supporting the rest of you. I just haven't felt that I had it in me, for some reason. Being in charge of a number of committees all year, while working, having an extremely busy social schedule, traveling, etc. have just burnt me out, so that I can't seem to face anything. Also, I have lost 3 close friends to cancer in the last 2 months and, having had melanoma myself (10 surgeries on my face, from 11/07-3/09), I think that a lot of fear and anxiety have crept in.

Anyway, I hope I'm back, because I need to be here. It's so comforting to know that others are struggling, and that I'm not alone. Thank you all for being there.
Nancy ~ thanks for posting and sharing your concerns. You are very much missed when you stay away... not just because you're one of our "helpers," either. I can't really add anything to make your (very much justified) anxieties go away, but sometimes it feels better to just "unload" on others. So that's what we're here for. You've supported me & the others plenty through this crazy Medi journey... hopefully we can "be here" the way you need when you need us, too!!!
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Old 10-19-2010, 01:26 PM   #718
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Nancy, I am so sorry and I hope you can take one day at a time. The ups and downs will always be there. Do not add the stress of what you are eating in those bad times. However, my opinion is try and eat the healthy stuff (and heck throw in one or two bad things), try to take some time for yourself for pampering and to affirm all the good things that you have. Try to maintain some form of exercise and you will find yourself being on the road to getting back to watching what you eat.

I am saying this from personal experience and although I did make some bad eating choices i made sure that the healthy choices were still part of my daily routine including the exercise. Hopefully you wont be traveling as much and will be able to find a happy mean.

I hope this provides some help to you.

Keep chugging!
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Old 10-19-2010, 03:21 PM   #719
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tydreamer View Post
Nancy, are you okay?? Are you talking to your clinic (or your husband or your best friend) about all this? It sounds like you're a natural born worrier and it sounds like you FEEL like you have the world on your shoulders right now. I'm so sorry! I'm really feeling out of sorts myself and have been reading over posts to find strength again. We're all here for you (even when we're struggling ourselves). I've found that's what keeps me away from here more than anything - when I feel out of control or defeated or helpless, I somehow feel I shouldn't be here and that I have nothing to contribute. It isn't until I'm almost to break that I post something. (like today) Please don't stay away. We need you as much as you need us.
Lea, you really nailed it. When I'm feeling like I have been, I feel that I have nothing to contribute. That's really why I've been staying away. Now that I have read all of your wonderful, loving replies, I'm kicking myself for staying away.

Lea, Debbie, AnnK, Nick, thank you all so much for your kind words. I made the mistake of reading your posts at work, and I was in tears. I will be here (well, we're going away Thurs. for a long weekend--husband's college Homecoming--lots of eating and drinking and parties), because I do need you.
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Old 10-19-2010, 03:54 PM   #720
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Oh, and here's something I found that I'm trying to internalize. I think it applies to all of us here:

‎"Ring the bells that still can ring,
Forget your perfect offering,
There is a crack in everything,
That's how the light gets in."
--Leonard Cohen, "Anthem"
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